The One Where Joey Speaks French

Phoebe

Hi

嗨

All

Hey! Hi!

嘿！嗨！

Rachel

How was the honeymoon?

蜜月过得怎么样？

Phoebe

Oh, incredible! Oh! Champagne, candle-lit dinners, moonlight walks on the beach, it was sooo ro-man-tic!

哦，太棒了！香槟、烛光晚餐、月光下的海滩漫步，太浪—漫—了！

Rachel

Oh!

哦！

Chandler

So, where's Mike?

那迈克呢？

Phoebe

Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there!

哦，他去看医生了，我们度蜜月的时候他一直没排便！

Joey

Well anyway, I'm glad you're back, I really need your help.

不管怎样，很高兴你回来了，我真的需要你帮忙。

Phoebe

Oh, why? What's up?

哦，怎么了？出什么事了？

Joey

I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.

我有个话剧试镜，里面有些台词要说法语。而我的简历上写着，我法语很流利。

Ross

Joey, you shouldn't lie on your résumé.

乔伊，你不该在简历上撒谎。

Monica

Yeah, you really shouldn't. (to Ross, sarcastically) By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?

对，真不该撒谎。（讽刺地对罗斯说）对了，你在开罗为期一年的考古挖掘怎么样了？

Ross

(whispering) It was ok...

（小声说）还行吧……

Rachel

I did not know you spoke French.

我都不知道你会说法语。

Phoebe

Oui, bien sur je parle Français! Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors?

是的，我当然会说法语！你觉得怎么样？

Rachel

Oh... you're so sexy!

哦……你太性感了！

Joey

Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.

那你愿意帮我吗？我真的很想演这部话剧。

Phoebe

Sure! Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami.

当然！乐意至极，我的朋友。

Rachel

Seriously stop it, or I'm gonna jump on ya.

说真的别再说了，不然我要扑到你身上了。

OPENING CREDITS

片头字幕

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

Hey.

嘿。

Chandler

Why are you wearing my apron?

你怎么穿着我的围裙？

Monica

I'm making cookies for Erica. And oh, by the way, we have to leave for the airport soon, her plane comes in about an hour.

我在给埃丽卡做饼干。对了，我们得赶紧去机场，她的飞机一小时后到。

Chandler

Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?

哦，她到了之后，我把你们俩介绍成“我老婆”和“怀我孩子的女人”行吗？（她没觉得好笑）不行？那离婚？

Ross

(he enters) Hey.

（走进来）嘿。

Monica

Hey.

嘿。

Ross

You guys know where Rachel is?

你们知道瑞秋在哪吗？

Monica

No, we haven't seen her since this morning.

不知道，从早上起就没见过她。

Ross

So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand)

太离谱了。她半小时前就该带着艾玛来见我了。（他想拿块饼干，莫妮卡拍开了他的手）

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

These are for Erica!

这些是给埃丽卡的！

Ross

What? She's gonna eat all those cookies?

什么？她能吃完这么多饼干？

Monica

Well, I want the baby to come out all cute and fat!

我想让宝宝生出来又可爱又胖乎乎的！

Ross

So, why is Erica coming to visit?

那埃丽卡为什么要来？

Monica

Well, because we want to get to know her better and she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots... you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...

我们想多了解了解她，而且她没来过纽约，想逛逛景点……比如自由女神像、帝国大厦之类的。

Chandler

Oh, those places! There's always so many people, they're being corralled like cattle, and... you know, there's always some idiot who goes "Mooooo"!

哦，那些地方！人挤人，跟赶牛似的，而且总有傻子学牛叫“哞——”！

Monica

Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?

既然这么烦，你干嘛还学？

Ross

(looking at Rachel entering with Emma) Oh, hi! Hi! Thanks for showing you up thirty minutes late!

（看到瑞秋带着艾玛走进来）哦，嗨！嗨！谢谢你迟到三十分钟！

Rachel

Ross...

罗斯……

Ross

No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?

别别别，我肯定你有好借口，是约了做头发、美甲，还是巴尼百货打折了？

Rachel

My father had an heart attack... (crying) ...while I was at Barney's.

我爸爸心脏病发作了……（哭着说）……当时我正在巴尼百货。

Ross

Oh my God.

天啊。

Monica

Honey.

亲爱的。

Chandler

I'm so sorry...

太遗憾了……

Ross

Is-is he ok?

他……他没事吧？

Rachel

Yeah, they said he's gonna be fine, but he's still heavily sedated.

没事，医生说他会好的，但现在还在深度镇静中。

Ross

Ok, ok. I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you, I mean, you can't be alone right now.

好，好。我陪你去长岛，你现在不能一个人。

Rachel

No, come on, I'm totally ok. (hugging him) I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own.

不用啦，我没事。（拥抱他）我不用你陪！我自己能应付。

Ross

Still-still, let me come... for me.

还是让我去吧……为了我。

Rachel

Ok. If you really need to.

好吧，如果你真的想去。

Ross

I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies.

我觉得某人想吃块莫妮卡刚烤的饼干。

Rachel

Oh, I really could.

嗯，我超想吃。

Ross

Oh!

哦！

Rachel

Ohh... (Ross mouths HA-HA at Monica and takes two cookies and she looks at him angrily)

嗯……（罗斯对着莫妮卡无声地笑，然后拿了两块饼干，莫妮卡生气地瞪着他）

Phoebe

All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is "My name is Claude", so, just repeat after me. "Je m'appelle Claude".

“我叫克劳德”。

Joey

Je de coup Clow.

我 德 库 克劳。

Phoebe

Well, just... let's try it again.

算了……我们再来一次。

Joey

Ok.

好。

Phoebe

Je m'appelle Claude.

我叫克劳德。

Joey

Je depli mblue.

我 德普利 姆布鲁。

Phoebe

Uh. It's not... quite what I'm saying.

呃，这跟我说的……不太一样。

Joey

Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.

真的吗？我听着一模一样啊。

Phoebe

It does, really?

你真觉得一样？

Joey

Yeah.

对啊。

Phoebe

All right, let just try it again. Really listen.

好吧，再来一次，认真听。

Joey

Got it.

好。

Phoebe

(slowly) Je m'appelle Claude.

（慢速）我叫克劳德。

Joey

Je te flouppe Fli.

我 特 弗洛普 弗利。

Phoebe

Oh, mon Dieu!

天啊！

Joey

Oh, de fuff!

哦，德 福夫！

Monica

(entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys.

（和埃丽卡、钱德勒一起走进来）嘿，大家好。

Phoebe

Hi!

嗨！

Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!

给你们介绍一位特别的人。菲比，这是埃丽卡，这是宝宝！

Phoebe

Oh!

哦！

Monica

Joey. Erica, baby!

乔伊，这是埃丽卡和宝宝！

Joey

Hi.

嗨。

Monica

Everyone. Erica, baby!

各位，这是埃丽卡和宝宝！

Chandler

Monica. Calm, self.

莫妮卡，冷静点。

Erica

Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here!

谢谢，很高兴见到你们，真不敢相信我到纽约了！

Joey

Welcome to New York City! Or should I say "ghe deu flooff New York City"?

欢迎来到纽约！或者我该说“吉 德 福夫 纽约”？

Chandler

Why would you say that?

你干嘛这么说？

Phoebe

Ok. What are you gonna be doing today?

你们今天打算去哪玩？

Erica

I wanna see everything! Times Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center...

我想逛遍所有地方！时代广场、康尼岛、洛克菲勒中心……

Joey

Oh, you know what you should do? You should walk all the way at the top of Statue of Liberty.

你知道该去哪吗？爬到自由女神像的最顶端。

Erica

Oh yeah, let's do that!

好啊，我们去爬！

Chandler

Great! (to Monica) This baby'd better be really good.

太好了！（对莫妮卡说）这孩子以后可得聪明点。

Rachel

(stopping a nurse who's coming out of a room) Oh, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.

（拦住从病房出来的护士）打扰一下，我来看我爸爸，我叫瑞秋·格林。

Ross

And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.

我是罗斯·盖勒医生。

Rachel

Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.

罗斯，别闹，这里是医院，医生这个称呼是正经的。

Rachel

Can somebody please go in?

我们能进去吗？

Nurse

Absolutely.

当然可以。

Ross

Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.

瑞秋，我在外面等吧，我喉咙有点痒，怕传染给他。

Rachel

Ross, please, don't be so scared of him!

罗斯，别这么怕他！

Ross

I'm not scared of him, I'm really sick!

我才不怕他，我真的不舒服！

Nurse

He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out.

他还在镇静状态，基本没意识。

Ross

I'm feeling better.

我现在好多了。

Rachel

Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?

哦！（两人走进病房，瑞秋看到父亲躺在床上，插着各种管子）天啊！哦，我给他买的耳鼻毛修剪器算是白花钱了，对吧？

Nurse

Miss Green, your father's doctor is on the phone if you'd like to speak to him.

格林小姐，你父亲的主治医生在电话里，要不要跟他说几句？

Rachel

Oh, great, Are you gonna be ok?

好的，你在这没事吧？

Ross

He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine!

他还昏迷着呢，我们没事！

Rachel (leaving): Ok.

（离开病房）好。

(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Green awakes.)

（罗斯走进格林医生昏迷的病房，打开电视，把脚翘到床上，看一部恐龙被两个牛仔抓住的电影。格林医生醒了过来。）

Ross

Did the TV wake you?

电视吵到你了？

Dr. Green

No, when you put your feet up in my bed, you tugged on my catheter.

不是，你把脚翘到我床上，扯到我的导尿管了。

Ross

Ouchy.

哎哟。

Dr. Green

What are you doing here, Geller?

盖勒，你在这干嘛？

Ross

Well, I came with Rachel, who should be back any second! (pause) So what's new?

我陪瑞秋来的，她马上就回来！（停顿）最近怎么样？

Dr. Green

Ooh, I have a little heart attack.

哦，我心脏病发作了一下。

Ross

Right, is it painful?

这样啊，疼吗？

Dr. Green

What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you?

你是指心脏病，还是坐这跟你聊天？

Ross (he buzzes for the nurse) Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here.

（按铃叫护士）把瑞秋叫回来吧。

Dr. Green

So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately?

你呢，最近怎么样，又让我哪个女儿怀孕了？

Ross

Nope, just the one. RACH!

没有，就一个。瑞秋！

Phoebe

Je m'appelle Claude.

我叫克劳德。

Joey

Je do call blue!

我 都 叫 布鲁！

Phoebe

Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".

“我”。

Joey

je.

我。

Phoebe

m'ap

叫

Joey

mah

叫

Phoebe

pelle

克劳德

Joey

pel.

克劳德

Phoebe

Great, ok faster! "je"

很好，加快点！“我”

Joey

je.

我。

Phoebe

m'ap

叫

Joey

mah

叫

Phoebe

pelle

克劳德

Joey

pel.

克劳德

Phoebe

Je m'appelle!

我叫克劳德！

Joey

Me pooh pooh!

我 噗 噗！

Phoebe

Ok, it's too hard, I can't teach you!

算了，太难了，我教不了你！

Joey

What are you doing?

你干嘛去？

Phoebe

I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)

我得走了，不然我要拿你的头撞墙了。（离开）

Joey

(he goes out calling her) Don't move! Don't go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! (he gives up). Pooh.

（追出去喊）别走！别跑！我需要你！我明天要面试了！沙 布鲁 布拉！我 啦 佩！昂布拉！（放弃）唉。

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

Hi!

嗨！

Ross

I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. (pause) I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.

我本来想做晚饭的，但你爸冰箱里只有培根和浓奶油。（停顿）我知道他心脏病发作的原因了。

Rachel

Uh. (pause) Did you call your parents?

嗯。（停顿）你给你爸妈打电话了吗？

Ross

Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great.

打了，艾玛很好。

Rachel

Oh good.

那就好。

Ross

Wow.

哇。

Rachel

What?

怎么了？

Ross

Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.

真不敢相信我在瑞秋·格林的房间里。

Rachel

What do you mean? You've been in my room before!

什么意思？你以前来过我房间啊！

Ross

Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.

是啊，没错！我好像从没进过瑞秋·格林的房间。

Rachel

Ok I gotta tell ya, it's really weird when you use my whole name.

说真的，你叫我全名感觉怪怪的。

Ross

Sorry. (Rachel sits on her bed). You ok?

抱歉。（瑞秋坐到床上）你还好吧？

Rachel

Yeah.

还好。

Ross

You had a rough day, uh?

今天很难熬，是吧？

Rachel

Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!

是啊，看到他那样很奇怪，他是医生啊，谁能想到医生会生病呢！

Ross

But we do! (pause) It's gonna be ok, Rach!

医生也会生病啊！（停顿）会没事的，瑞秋！

Rachel

(she's sad) Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!

（难过）我不想他醒来身边没人！我得去医院！

Ross

What? No, no! Hey, hey, hey look...

别别别！你听我说……

Rachel

What?

怎么了？

Ross

They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?

他用了很多药，就算你在他也不知道。我们明天一早就去看他，好吗？

Rachel

Really, I shouldn't feel guilty?

我真的不用内疚吗？

Ross

No, God! Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, ok? Right now you just need to get some rest.

当然不用！瑞秋，你已经是超棒的女儿了，现在你只需要好好休息。

Rachel

Ok, maybe you're right.

好吧，或许你说得对。

Ross

(he kisses her on her forehead) Good night.

（吻她的额头）晚安。

Rachel

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while?

等等，你能陪我一会儿吗？

Ross

Sure!

当然！

Rachel

Ok. (She sits on the bed and Ross sits near her) Thank you for coming with me today.

好。（她坐到床上，罗斯坐在她旁边）谢谢你今天陪我。

Ross

Oh, of course...

应该的……

Rachel

Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!

瑞秋·格林很高兴你在她房间里！

Ross

Me too. Come here. (They hug)

我也是。过来。（两人拥抱）

Rachel

I just don't want to be alone tonight.

我今晚不想一个人。

Ross

Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.

好，我去拿睡袋……（气氛暧昧，两人对视，瑞秋凑过去想吻他，罗斯却躲开了好几次）哦。（他抱住瑞秋，瑞秋再次想吻他，他站起来，瑞秋倒在床上）不行，瑞秋！抱歉，我觉得这样不好。

Rachel

Wait, we won't know that until we do it, will we?

不试试怎么知道不好？

Ross

No, look, uh. You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable and I just don't feel it would be right, I'd feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.

你因为爸爸的事很难过，现在很脆弱，这样做不合适，我觉得像趁人之危。

Rachel

Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!

趁人之危？是我主动的，你享受就好！

Ross

Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!

我知道会很好，但总得有个人保持理智，我先走了！

Rachel

Wow. Ok.

好吧。

Ross

I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).

明天早上见。（离开）

Rachel

Mhm-mh!

哼！

Ross

(outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!

（在房间外自言自语）四个月没性生活了，我该拿个奖牌！

Erica

Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time.

谢谢你们带我逛了这么多地方，玩得很开心。

Monica

Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. I just did not see this coming.

太好了。对了，我得替钱德勒道歉，没想到他会那样。

Chandler

(enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!

（走进房间，穿着“我爱纽约”T恤，戴着自由女神像帽子，手里拎着袋子）纽约太棒了！

Monica

What is with you?

你怎么回事？

Chandler

Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know.

我以前来过这些地方，但从没好好看过。

Monica

Yeah, you miss alot, when you're moo-ing.

是啊，你学牛叫的时候错过了很多风景。

Erica

Thanks so much for showing me around.

真的谢谢你们带我玩。

Monica

Oh! It was our pleasure. We are so much enjoying getting to know you.

别客气，我们很开心能多了解你。

Erica

Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other)

你们还有什么想知道的吗……（莫妮卡和钱德勒对视一眼）

Chandler

Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?

可以，我们能问问孩子父亲的事吗？

Erica

Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college. (Monica and Chandler are smiling from ear to ear)

当然可以。他是我高中男友，橄榄球队队长，长得很帅，拿了奖学金上了大学。（莫妮卡和钱德勒笑得合不拢嘴）

Chandler

That's great.

太好了。

Erica

Yeah... it's almost definitely him.

是啊……几乎肯定是他。

Monica

How's that now?

怎么说？

Erica

Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.

也有可能是另一个人。我只跟两个人交往过，时间有点重叠。

Chandler

So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?

另一个人是干嘛的？也上大学吗？

Erica

No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)

不，他在坐牢。（莫妮卡和钱德勒一脸震惊）

Monica

Was he falsely accused of something? (They look hopeful)

是被冤枉的吗？（两人满怀希望）

Erica

No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy.

不是……他用铁铲杀了他爸爸。（两人惊掉下巴）不过除此之外，他人挺好的。

Chandler

I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.

他爸爸可不这么觉得。

(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)

（时间跳转，两人躺在床上）

Monica

Are you awake?

你醒着吗？

Chandler

Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake! (He turns the light on)

当然醒着，以后我一直都醒着！（打开灯）

Monica

Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.

我们还不确定是他，也可能是那个橄榄球男生。

Chandler

Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer.

亲爱的，我们运气这么差，肯定是那个铁铲杀手。

Monica

Alright, lets say that it is him, would we not want the baby? No! Would we treat him any differently?

就算是他，我们也不会不要这个孩子，也不会区别对待他。

Chandler

I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.

我会盯着他！我们必须搞清楚谁是孩子的父亲。

Monica

How?

怎么查？

Chandler

I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right?

不知道，不是有亲子鉴定吗？

Monica

Yeah, but maybe we're just over-reacting.

是啊，可能我们想多了。

Chandler

Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!

你说得轻松，他是弑父凶手。说不定他超爱妈妈，挥铲子的胳膊上还纹着“妈妈”呢！

Tape

We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.

一、二、三、四、五。

Joey

Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!

嗯，一、布路、布拉、弗路、弗伦克！

Tape

Good job.

很好。

Joey

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Phoebe enters)

（菲比走进来）

Phoebe

Hey Joey.

嘿，乔伊。

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. So lets try it again.

昨天的事我很抱歉，我想了很久，是我太没耐心了，我们再试试吧。

Joey

Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!

不用了，我自己练了，我觉得我学得超棒！

Phoebe

Really, can I hear some of it.

是吗？说几句听听。

Joey

Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?

没问题。（清嗓子，拿着剧本，装着法国口音，手舞足蹈地说）“布鲁 德 拉 布鲁，德 拉 布鲁 布拉 布鲁”（菲比一脸震惊、烦躁又无语，乔伊却很得意）看到没？

Phoebe

Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!

你根本没在说法语……（强装微笑，最后忍不住发火）你根本没在说法语！

Joey

(offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.

（生气）我觉得我在说，而且我肯定能拿到这个角色。

Phoebe

How could you possibly think that?

你怎么会这么想？

Joey

For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!

磁带里的人都说我学得好！

Ross

Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?

嘿，瑞秋，帮我也倒杯咖啡？

Rachel

(She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)

（慢慢转过身，看了他一眼，又转回去倒咖啡）好。（把自己刚倒的咖啡递给罗斯，没看他）

Ross

You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?

你一早上都没怎么说话，没事吧？

Rachel

Hmm-hmm. (starts to pour herself a cup of coffee, never looking at Ross)

嗯。（又给自己倒咖啡，全程没看罗斯）

Ross

You sure you're alright?

你真的没事？

Rachel

(coldly) Yep.

（冷淡）没事。

Ross

(knowing she's not alright) O-kay. Well, I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast. (He starts to leave)

（知道她生气了）好吧，我去买早餐。（准备离开）

Rachel

FYI..

跟你说件事……

Ross

(knew this was coming) There it is... (he comes back)

（早料到了）来了……（走回来）

Rachel

In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex... just do it. (she smiles fakely at him)

以后，要是有女生想要点冲动的安慰性爱……你直接答应就好。（假笑）

Ross

(half amused) Wait, wait, (looks around a little) You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.

（有点好笑）你因为昨晚的事生气？我只是做了正确的选择。

Rachel

(sarcastically) Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!

（讽刺）是吗？在我看来，你要是做对了，我今天醒来就不会觉得又蠢又尴尬，而是会觉得安心又满足！

Ross

(acknowledging the last part of her sentence) Well...

（认同最后一句）那倒是……

Rachel

Oh stop that!

别这样！

Ross

I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding.

真不敢相信，我只是想做个好人，尊重你、体谅你。

Rachel

(sarcastic) Oh, that is so hot. (She walks around him to the other side)

（讽刺）好性感哦。（绕到他另一边）

Ross

Hey, I was looking out for you.

我是为你好。

Rachel

Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.

是吗？罗斯，我已经长大了，不用别人教我什么是对我好。

Ross

I gotta say, I have not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.

说实话，我性生活次数不多，但这次绝对是最糟的。

Rachel

Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)

是吗？我也觉得糟透了。（转身要走，罗斯拦住她，背对着病房走廊）

Ross

Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.

听着，为了以后不闹这种事，我们约定，再也不发生关系了。

Rachel

What?

什么？

Ross

That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)

没错，性事免谈。（身后的门打开，格林医生走出来）我再也不会和你发生关系了。（瑞秋沉默，罗斯反应过来，猛地转身）格林医生，你好点了？（瑞秋爸爸狠狠地瞪着他）

Chandler

Hey! How was lunch?

嘿！午饭吃的怎么样？

Erica

(To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)

（对钱德勒）吃得很开心。对了，我想求你件事，如果是男孩，能不能随我爸爸的名字，吉米尼·比利·鲍勃？（莫妮卡笑着看钱德勒，钱德勒一脸震惊害怕，老婆完全不帮他）

Chandler

(struggling) Oh, really?

（尴尬）真的吗？

Erica

No! (To Monica) You were right, that was fun! I'm gonna go finish packing.

骗你的！（对莫妮卡说）你说得对，逗他真好玩！我去收拾行李了。

Chandler

O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test?

好。（凑到莫妮卡身边小声说）她愿意做亲子鉴定吗？

Monica

Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.

不用，我知道孩子父亲是谁了。

Chandler

Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it?

天啊，是那个铁铲杀手吧？

Monica

(smiling) No it's not.

（笑）不是。

Chandler

How do you know?

你怎么知道？

Monica

Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.

埃丽卡性教育课没好好听，她和坐牢的那个人做的事……根本不可能怀孕。

Chandler

Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?

天啊！是什么事？我们很少做的，还是从来没做过的？

Monica

The thing we never do.

我们从来没做过的。

Chandler

(nods in appreciation) Shovely Joe!

（松了口气）铁铲杀手排除！

Director

Whenever you're ready Joey.

乔伊，准备好了就开始。

Joey

Right. (clears his throat) Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c'est la pu les la lu blah bloo.

好。（清嗓子）加 布 布 克劳德。呃，这 拉 普 勒 拉 路 布拉 布鲁。

Casting assistant

I'm sorry, what's going on?

不好意思，这说的什么？

Joey

Dude, come on! French it u-up!

拜托，这是法语！

Director

Joey, do you speak French?

乔伊，你会说法语吗？

Joey

Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!

都 拉 斯摩尔！布 布鲁 诶 布鲁 布拉 哦！噗！

Director

You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)

试镜结束了。（乔伊有点失落，但接受了。）

Phoebe

(in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.

（装法国口音）打扰一下，我是蕾吉娜·菲兰奇。我路过时听到这位先生说的是我家乡雅诗兰黛小镇的方言。

Director

You really think this man is speaking French?

你真觉得他在说法语？

Joey

Sa-sa-saw!

对！

Phoebe

écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé.

说实话，他是我弟弟，有点智力迟钝。

Director

(to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.

（对乔伊）说得好，小家伙，法语很棒。但这个角色我们还是选别人吧。

Joey

Ah. All right. But my French was good?

好吧。但我的法语说得不错吧？

Director

It was great.

非常好。

Joey

(to Phoebe) Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!

（对菲比）看吧！

Phoebe

(to the director) Merci. Au revoir.

（对导演）谢谢，再见。

Joey

Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.

是啊，都 德 勒 弗鲁特。

Ross

Emma's down for the night.

艾玛睡了。

Rachel

Oh, good.

好。

Ross

So uh... I guess I wanna take off.

我准备走了。

Rachel

Okay... Hey listen, just before you go I-I again, I just wanna say "thank you" for coming with me.

好……走之前，我还是想谢谢你陪我。

Ross

Oh, no problem.

小事一桩。

Rachel

And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.

还有，我想了想你说的，关于我们不发生关系的事……或许我们不该再那样了。

Ross

Thank you. I'm glad you agree.

太好了，我很高兴你这么想。

Rachel

It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.

可惜啊，我们之前做得挺好的。

Ross

Yeah... Yeah, that's true.

是啊……确实挺好。

Rachel

Hey uhm, do you remember that one really great time...?

你还记得那次特别棒的一次吗？

Ross

Oh, ye-ah!

当然记得！

Rachel

You know it was you're uhm... birthday...

就是你生日那次……

Ross

...Valentine's day...

……是情人节那次……

Both

(long pause, they realize) Oh yeah!

（恍然大悟）哦对！

Rachel

Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.

都过去了。

Ross

Hmmm-mmmm.

嗯。

Rachel

(after a pause) Not even one more time?

就一次也不行？

Ross

Not even once.

一次都不行。

Rachel

No matter how much we want it.

不管我们多想要。

Ross

Even if we want it really bad.

就算特别想也不行。

Rachel

That's what we decided.

我们说好的。

Ross

Uhm, right!

没错！

Rachel

...It's kinda hard though!

但好难啊！

Ross

Yeah.

是啊。

Rachel

You know, when two people have a connection, you know, that's... just seems like such a... waste.

两个人明明有感觉，这样太浪费了。

Ross

...I hate waste.

我讨厌浪费。

Rachel

...Ross?

罗斯？

Ross

Yes?

嗯？

Rachel

Just so you know... With us... it's never off the table. (she enters her room and closes the door.)

跟你说……我们之间，这事永远不算完。（走进房间关上门）

Ross

Damn it. It's never off the table. (he leaves the apartment)

该死，永远不算完。（离开公寓）

COMMERCIAL BREAK

广告插播

Phoebe

Okay, can you really tapdance?

你真会跳踢踏舞？

Joey

No.

不会。

Phoebe

It's off the resumé. (she strikes it through with a pencil)

删掉。（用铅笔划掉）

Phoebe

Archery?

会射箭吗？

Joey

No.

不会。

Phoebe

Horseback riding?

骑马呢？

Joey

Would fall off a lot.

经常摔下来。

Phoebe

You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?

你能10秒喝掉一加仑牛奶？

Joey

That I can do.

这个可以。

Phoebe

Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?

别吹了，真能做到？

Joey

Alright, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready?

看好了！（从冰箱拿出一整盒牛奶）计时，开始！

Phoebe

Ready... GO!

准备……开始！

(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)

（乔伊把牛奶盒凑到嘴边开始喝，大部分牛奶顺着下巴流到衣服上、地上。他继续“喝”，突然把盒子举起来，半盒牛奶瞬间洒了出来，接着他喝完剩下的，把空盒子放到吧台上。）

Phoebe

(checking her watch) You did it!

（看手表）你做到了！

THE END

剧终