The One With The Cake

Monica

(she enters) Hey guys!

（走进来）嘿，大家好！

Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.

亲爱的，这周末我订到伍德福德旅馆的房间了。

Monica

That place in Vermont? You can take a hint!

佛蒙特州的那家？你还真懂我的暗示！

Rachel

Wait, you can't go away this weekend! It's Emma's birthday!

等等，你们这周末不能出门！这天是爱玛的生日！

Ross

Yeah!

对！

Rachel

We're having a party.

我们要办派对。

Monica

Well, can't you just have the party when we get back?

那你们不能等我们回来再办派对吗？

Ross

No.

不行。

Rachel

No, that day... that won't be her real birthday!

不行，那样就不是她真正的生日了！

Chandler

Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!

天呐，她才一岁，根本不知道生日是什么玩意儿！

Ross

C'mon you guys, this is really important to us.

拜托你们，这对我们来说真的很重要。

Monica

Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.

抱歉，但我和钱德真的需要一个周末独处。你懂的，增进一下感情……心灵层面的。

Chandler

There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...

我特别想跟你做件事，是我在《马克西姆》杂志上看到的……

Rachel

Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?

那你们不能隔天再去佛蒙特吗？

Ross

Yeah, we want everyone to be there. As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.

对，我们希望所有人都到场。我可不想耽误你对我妹妹做那些奇怪的亲密事。

Rachel

And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!

而且，你们懂的……这是大事。她的一岁生日派对，怎么能没有她的阿姨和叔叔呢！

Monica

All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party.

好吧，我们留下。派对结束后我们再开车过去。

Chandler

Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...

行，但要是因为这个派对，我们没做成杂志上那件事……

Monica

Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that!

相信我，就算不办派对，我们也不会做那件事的！

OPENING CREDITS

片头字幕

Rachel

You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.

菲比，你知道吗，我小时候过生日，爸爸会在家里每个房间藏礼物，然后画一张寻宝图帮我找齐所有礼物。

Phoebe

Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!

哇，我超爱这种家庭传统。我和厄休拉小时候过生日，我继父会去卖血，给我们买吃的！

Ross

(he enters) Hey guys!

（走进来）嘿，大家好！

Rachel and Phoebe

Hi!

嗨！

Ross

Hey, I brought the camera for Emma's video.

嘿，我带摄像机来了，给爱玛拍生日视频。

Rachel

Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.

太好了！我们想给爱玛拍个生日视频，等她18岁的时候送给她。

Phoebe

Oh, COOL!! Wow, it's like a time capsule!

太酷了！哇，就像时光胶囊一样！

Ross

Yeah!

对！

Phoebe

Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!

想想看……她会在一台还没发明出来的电视上看这段视频！身边的朋友现在还都是小婴儿！他们会住在人类为了躲避蚂蚁人而建的漂浮城市里！

Ross

That's the hope! So, is Emma awake yet?

但愿如此！爱玛醒了吗？

Rachel

Oh no, it's still nap time. But she'll be up soon.

还没，她还在午睡，不过很快就醒了。

Ross

Ah, and where is Joey?

乔伊呢？

Rachel

I said it's still nap time.

我说了，还在午睡时间。

(Joey comes out from his room, yawning)

（乔伊打着哈欠从房间走出来）

Ross

(taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!

（用摄像机拍乔伊）嘿，乔伊叔叔来了！

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday!

跟18岁的爱玛说句话吧！

Joey

18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his "How You Doin'" line)

18岁啊？（准备说他那句“你好吗”的搭讪语）

Ross

Joey, NO!

乔伊，别来这个！

Joey

What, what!? it's for her hot friends!

怎么了？这是说给她那些漂亮朋友听的！

Ross

When they see this you'll be 52!

等她们看到这段视频，你都52岁了！

Joey

And starting to think about settling down!

那时候我刚好开始考虑安定下来！

Rachel

Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?

乔伊，能帮忙把这个摆好吗？大家好把给爱玛的礼物放上面。

Joey

I'd love to! Yeah!

乐意至极！

Joey

(To Phoebe) We were supposed to bring presents?

（对菲比说）我们还要带礼物吗？

Phoebe

Yeah! I wrote Emma a song.

当然！我给爱玛写了首歌。

Joey

Oh, yeah! How was I supposed to know?

哦，是吗！我怎么知道要带礼物？

Phoebe

Joey, it's a birthday party.

乔伊，这是生日派对啊。

Joey

Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says "El-moo"! (Joey starts laughing) Yeah... that's a funny cup!

话是这么说，但她才一岁啊，送礼物有啥意义……前几天她对着一个杯子笑了快一个小时，就一个印着农夫装扮的艾摩的杯子，艾摩站在一头牛旁边，牛还说“艾摩~哞”！（乔伊笑起来）对，这杯子超好笑！

(Monica and Chandler enter)

（莫妮卡和钱德走进来）

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey hey! Where's the birthday girl?

嘿！小寿星呢？

Rachel

Oh, she's still napping

她还在午睡。

Chandler

Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.

可不是嘛，她肯定整晚没睡，就等着这场她早就知道的派对呢。

Rachel

Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.

我知道你们特别想去佛蒙特，这派对对你们来说不算大事，但对我们来说很重要，好吗？爱玛再也不会过一岁生日了。

Monica

All right... you're right. We're sorry. Now let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started!

好吧……你说得对，抱歉。我们叫醒爱玛，派对开始吧！

Rachel

No really, she didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her up.

不行，她昨晚没睡好，不能叫醒她。

Monica

Are you freaking kidding me, Green?

你在逗我吗，格林？

(someone knocks on the door. Rachel goes to open it)

（有人敲门，瑞秋去开门）

Jack and Judy

HI!

嗨！

Ross

(points the camcorder towards them to record their entrance) Hey!

（把摄像机对准他们，拍他们进门）嘿！

Monica

So glad you came!

你们能来太好了！

Jack

I can't believe Emma is already one!

真不敢相信，爱玛都一岁了！

Judy

(to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room!

（对莫妮卡说）我还记得你一岁生日那天！罗斯嫉妒我们都围着你转，使劲拽自己的蛋蛋，我们都带他去急诊室了！

Ross

(pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!

（把摄像机对准自己）这可是你爸爸的一个小秘密！

Joey

Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.

嘿，盖勒先生、盖勒太太！我来帮你们拿东西。

Jack

Thank you!

谢谢！

Joey

Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!

太棒了，我们三个又聚在一起了！要不要这样？这份礼物就当是我们三个人一起送爱玛的！

Jack

Which one are you?

你哪位啊？

(Later...)

（稍后……）

Monica

I can't believe Emma is still asleep!

真不敢相信，爱玛还在睡！

Chandler

I know, what are we gonna do?

可不是嘛，这可怎么办？

Monica

I've got a plan. I've got a plan. I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. You're gonna scream out and that'll wake her up!

我有办法，我有办法。我用这个盘子狠狠撞你的肋骨，你大叫一声，就能把她吵醒了！

Chandler

I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!

我才不要跟你这样的莫妮卡去佛蒙特！

Joey

Hey Pheebs, you know what? I was thinking... since you wrote a song, maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents!

菲比，你知道吗？我在想……你写了歌，我也可以用我的才艺给爱玛表演点什么！

Phoebe

So you're gonna... hit on her?

你该不会是想……撩她吧？

Joey

No, no, no! My talents as an actor!

不是！是我当演员的才艺！

Phoebe

Oh!

哦！

Joey

You know, I could like maybe... I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books!

我可以……深情朗读她的一本书！

Phoebe

Or you could stick a fork in an apple!

你也可以把叉子插在苹果上啊！

Joey

Hey, I think Emma might like it!

我觉得爱玛会喜欢的！

Rachel

Oh! Emma might like what?

爱玛会喜欢什么？

Joey

Um, my present!

我的礼物！

Rachel

What did you get her?

你给她准备了什么？

Joey

Actually we prepared performances.

其实我们准备了表演。

Phoebe

Separate performances.

各自的表演。

Joey

But equally real!

但都很用心！

Rachel

Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?

听起来好有意思！大家等爱玛睡醒都有点不耐烦了，要不你们现在就表演一下？

Phoebe

Sure, yeah!

好啊！

Joey

(unconfidently) O K.

（没底气地）好。

Rachel

(to everybody) All right, let's get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.

（对所有人说）派对正式开始啦！乔伊和菲比要给我们表演节目。

Ross

Oh, great!

太好了！

Phoebe

(to Joey) Are you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?

（对乔伊说）啥都没准备就上去表演，你不尴尬吗？

Joey

Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting!

我每周拍戏都这样，三台摄像机对着我，整个剧组等着我表演！

Rachel

So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?

乔伊，你要表演什么？

Joey

I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books.

我要深情朗读爱玛的一本书。

Rachel

Oh, ok, which one?

好啊，哪本？

Joey

Uh, why, it's a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) "Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression" eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) "Love you forever". Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be". (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be".

“我会永远爱你，一直喜欢你，只要我活着，你永远是我的宝贝。”

Rachel

(crying) Wow! That was amazing!

（哭了）哇！太感人了！

Ross

Thank you so much for that gift!

谢谢你准备的这份礼物！

Chandler (nearly weeping): I was not ready for this today!

（快哭了）我今天完全没准备好面对这么感人的场面！

Ross

Amazing... amazing.

太棒了……太感人了。

Rachel

Oh, Phoebe, I'm sorry! Phoebe has prepared something as well.

抱歉，菲比也准备了节目。

Phoebe

That's right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!

没错，我给爱玛写了首歌，发自内心送给她。音乐是最好的礼物。（开始唱）爱玛！你的名字真难押韵！没什么词能和爱玛押韵！或许演员理查德·克伦纳，他演过《第一滴血》里的指挥官！生日快乐，爱玛！

Rachel

Is that it?

就这？

Phoebe

No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). "Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.

找到你的G点》。

Everybody

No, no, no, no, no!

别！别！别！

Judy

Hello Emma. Happy eighteenth birthday.

你好，爱玛，祝你18岁生日快乐。

Jack

Right now that seems so far away, seventeen years.

现在感觉还很遥远，还有17年呢。

Judy

Yes, you'll be all grown up by then. We'll be... Well your grandfather and I might not be here.

是啊，到时候你就长大了，我们……我和你爷爷可能都不在了。

Jack

That's true! This message could becoming to you from beyond the grave, Emma!

没错！爱玛，这条视频可能是我们在阴间发给你的！

Judy

After all, my parents died very young.

毕竟我父母去世得很早。

Jack

And my cholesterol's off the charts!

而且我的胆固醇高得离谱！

Judy

Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too!

爱玛，记住，心脏病也会夺走女人的生命！

Ross (stops recording): Ok, cut! Great. That was... that was just... yeah!

（停止拍摄）好了，停！很好，非常棒。

Rachel

Ross, um, don't forget to get a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.

罗斯，别忘了拍爱玛的蛋糕，在冰箱的盒子里。

Ross

Sure.

好。

Rachel

Oh, you're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Corino's.

你肯定会喜欢这个蛋糕，我从新泽西州的科里诺面包店买的。

Monica

Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.

天呐，那家店的奶油最绵密了！我小时候还搭便车去买呢。

Rachel

Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes, in all different shapes, and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!

他们家的创意蛋糕超棒，各种造型都有，给他们照片，还能用糖霜复刻出来！

Monica

Oh, did you do a picture of Emma?

你用了爱玛的照片吗？

Rachel

Yes! On a cake shaped like a bunny.

用了！是兔子造型的蛋糕。

Ross

Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake erotic cakes? Say for bachelorette parties?

瑞秋，这家店会不会也做情趣蛋糕？比如单身派对用的那种？

Rachel

Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby's face on a penis!

罗斯，你在说什么？（看到蛋糕）天呐！他们把我宝宝的脸印在丁丁形状的蛋糕上了！

Phoebe (sees the cake): oh! Now it's a party!

（看到蛋糕）哇！派对氛围瞬间拉满了！

Rachel

Why you guys this isn't funny, all right? If I wanted this cake to be a disaster I would have baked it myself!

一点都不好笑！我要是想搞砸蛋糕，我自己烤不就行了！

Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?

（盯着蛋糕）我还是觉得这蛋糕看起来很好吃，会不会不太好？

Judy

(to Jack) Jack, look at this.

（对杰克说）杰克，你看这个。

Jack

I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!

我知道你在想什么，朱迪，这相似度绝了！

Ross

I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.

我差点又要拽自己的蛋蛋了。

Rachel (on the phone): No, no, this is not what I ordered. Ok? I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake for my daughter's birthday and I need a bunny cake, right now!

（打电话）不是，不是，这不是我订的！我大老远跑到新泽西，就是想给我女儿买个完美的生日蛋糕，我现在就要兔子造型的蛋糕！

Ross

Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!

问问他们，把宝宝的脸从丁丁蛋糕上切下来贴到兔子蛋糕上，会不会更快？（停顿）这话也太奇怪了！

Rachel

Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!

我肯定要把这蛋糕退了，我都不想让它待在我家……（转向蛋糕，看到乔伊想切一块，大喊）乔伊，别碰！

Joey

I'm so confused!

我好懵啊！

Rachel

(speaking to the person on the phone again) Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!

（继续打电话）对，我还是要我女儿的照片，但要印在兔子蛋糕上，黄蛋糕，巧克力奶油加坚果！

Chandler

To be fair this one does have nuts.

说实话，这个蛋糕上也有坚果。

(Later...)

（稍后……）

(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)

（罗斯、钱德和莫妮卡在厨房）

Ross

Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.

莫妮卡，你真好，把车借给瑞秋去换蛋糕。

Monica

Oh. So nice of her to pull my hair, 'till I dropped the key!

她也真好，拽我头发直到我把钥匙掉地上为止！

Ross

Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!

趁我们等她回来，你们录段给18岁爱玛的视频吧？（拿起摄像机对准莫妮卡和钱德）好，开始！

Chandler

Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?

嗨，爱玛！现在是2020年，你还在睡懒觉吗？

Monica

We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!

我们是莫妮卡阿姨和钱德叔叔，你可能认不出我们，因为我们已经17年没跟你爸妈说话了！

Chandler

We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)

我们以前是夫妻，后来因为错过了一次周末独处，感情就破裂了，都是因为你！生日快乐。（罗斯失望地关掉摄像机）

Monica

Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.

罗斯，瑞秋说派对这时候该结束了。我们真的得走了，要赶去佛蒙特。我问过了，最后一班火车半小时后发车。

Phoebe

And you know, I have a massage client soon.

我也快有按摩客人了。

Ross

You guys, just please.. a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember.. the frosting? huh?

拜托再等一会儿，瑞秋马上就带着蛋糕回来了。莫妮卡，想想那家店的奶油，好不好？

Monica

Alright, 5 more minutes.

好吧，再等5分钟。

(The phone rings, Ross picks up)

（电话响了，罗斯接起）

Ross

(Into receiver) Hello? (listens) Oh no! What happened? (listens some more) Ok ok, where are you? (Grabs a pen and starts writing). Ok, I'll be right there. (Puts the phone down)

喂？（听电话）天呐！怎么了？（继续听）好，好，你在哪？（拿笔记录）好，我马上过去。（挂电话）

Chandler

Was that Emma? Is she up?

是爱玛醒了吗？

Ross

No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.

不是，瑞秋超速被交警拦了，她忘带驾照了，我得给她送过去。

Phoebe

Well, if you're leaving, I'm definitely gonna go.

你要走，那我肯定也走了。

Monica

No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!

不行！要走也该是我们（指着自己和钱德），我们抱怨最久了！

Ross

No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?

你们不能走！蛋糕搞砸了瑞秋已经够难过了，她回来发现你们都走了，会更伤心的！

Chandler

I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!

管她呢！你周一再告诉我们她什么感受就行！

Ross

Joey! You're in charge, ok? You make sure nobody leaves! (leaves)

乔伊，你负责看着，别让任何人走！（离开）

Joey

Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?

收到！（走到前门，背靠着门）嘿！（对钱德）你想去哪？

Chandler

To the bathroom!

去洗手间！

Joey

Alright, well the rest of you get comfortable, ok, because we're gonna be here for a li...(stops and thinks) Wait a minute, there is a window in there!

好吧，你们其他人都放松点，我们得在这待一会儿……（停下思考）等等，洗手间有窗户！

Phoebe

Oh no! He's not getting away that easy! (Phoebe and Joey run towards the bathroom and enter)

不行！不能让他就这么跑了！（菲比和乔伊跑到洗手间，推门进去）

Chandler

(Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)

（大喊）你们干嘛？赶紧出去！（菲比和乔伊一脸震惊地走出来）

Joey

Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.

还好那个丁丁上没印爱玛的脸。

Phoebe

No, it did not.

确实没有。

Joey

No.

没错。

Judy

Well, we better get going, it's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. He has trouble staying in his lane.

我们该走了，太晚了。杰克晚上不能开车了，老是压线。

Jack

Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

去年冬天我把车开到教堂草坪上，直接撞穿了耶稣诞生场景，报纸还以为是仇恨犯罪呢。

Judy

Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.

不管怎样，见到你们很开心。

Joey

Ok! (Opens the door for them)

好！（开门让他们走）

Judy

Bye... Bye dear.

再见，亲爱的。

Joey

Nighty-night!

晚安！

Judy

Nighty-night!

晚安！

Joey

Bye, bye.

再见。

Phoebe

Joey? How could you just let them leave?

乔伊，你怎么就让他们走了？

Joey

Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not gonna mess with Jack, he's a great man, he fought for our country.

我可不敢拦杰克，他是伟人，为国家打过仗。

Monica

No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.

他才没有！他装贵格会教徒，躲过了朝鲜战争。

Joey

(Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)

（震惊）哦！好吧，他是最后一个走的。我把你们锁起来。（锁上门）

Chandler

You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?

你知道我反过来就能打开，对吧？

Joey

Oh! I forgot you used to live here!

哦！我忘了你以前住这儿！

(The phone rings, Joey picks up)

（电话响了，乔伊接起）

Joey

Hello?

喂？

Estelle

(on the other side of the line) Joey! It's Estelle!

（电话那头）乔伊！我是埃斯特尔！

Joey

Hey! (smiles)

嘿！（笑了）

Estelle

So, how did your audition go today?

你今天试镜怎么样？

Joey

(smile fades) What audition?

（笑容消失）什么试镜？

Estelle

The one I told you about last week?

我上周跟你说的那个啊？

Joey

What? You never said anything about an audition!

你根本没跟我说过试镜的事！

Estelle

(Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.

（困惑）我重新说，我刚接到试镜通知，你现在去还来得及，在阿斯特剧院，要准备一段独白。

Joey

A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!

独白？我没有……（看到之前深情朗读的那本书）有了！（挂电话）我要走了！

Phoebe

Wh.. what? No wait, you don't get to leave! I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute!

什么？不行，你不能走！我的按摩客人马上就到我家门口了！

Monica

Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!

我们订的房间也付了钱，现在本该住进去了！

Phoebe

Well, oh, ok now... Only one of us has to stay with Emma. Ok, and as the person who realized that, I get to go!

这样吧，只需要一个人留下来陪爱玛就行，是我发现的，我先走！

Monica

No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.

不行！我们得公平决定谁留下。

Joey

Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.

有了！每人选1到10之间的数字，谁选的数字最大，谁先走。

Monica

(She gives Joey a you-are-so-stupid-look) Ok, ten.

（嫌弃地看了乔伊一眼）10。

Joey

Okay, Monica picks ten, I call nine! Anyone else?

莫妮卡选10，我选9！还有人吗？

Phoebe

No, lets just draw straws.

别，抽签吧。

Joey

Or.. we could flip a coin, and then multiply the..

或者抛硬币，再乘以……

Chandler

I'm begging you stop.

求你别说了。

Joey

Right.

好。

Monica

Ok, how about this: We got wind up toys for Emma for her birthday. We can make them race, and whoever comes in last, stays!

这样吧，我们给爱玛准备了发条玩具，我们让玩具赛跑，谁的玩具最后到终点，谁留下！

Phoebe

(Visibly excited) Yeah!! Let's do that!

（兴奋）好！就这么办！

Chandler

(Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!

（也很兴奋）这比我们在佛蒙特要做的事有趣多了！

Monica

Everybody get your toys! (They all run toward the table with toys)

都去拿玩具！（大家跑到放玩具的桌子旁）

Phoebe

Ok! I want the dolphin!

我要海豚！

Chandler

Thats a bear.

那是熊。

Phoebe

I'm too excited!

我太兴奋了！

Monica

Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!

菲比拿熊，乔伊拿机器人，我和钱德拿狗。比赛从（用两个杯子标出起点和终点）这儿到这儿，最后到终点的人留下！

Joey

Ok, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys! (they do so)

各位，给玩具上发条！（大家给玩具上发条）

Chandler

Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!

预备……开始！

(Monica, Phoebe and Joey release their wind-up toys.)

（莫妮卡、菲比和乔伊松开发条玩具）

Phoebe

Go! Go!

冲啊！

Joey

Come on robot!

加油，机器人！

(Phoebe's bear takes the lead, followed by Joey's robot, and far behind is Chandler and Monica's dog, which walks a few paces, stops and starts barking, sits, walks again, and so on... )

（菲比的熊领先，乔伊的机器人紧随其后，钱德和莫妮卡的狗远远落后，走几步就停下来叫，坐下，再走几步……）

Monica

(to the dog) What are you barking at?

（对着狗）你在叫什么？

(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)

（菲比的熊依旧领先，乔伊的机器人紧追不舍，钱德和莫妮卡的狗坐下叫了几声，然后翻了个后空翻。）

Monica

Wha... How the hell is that gonna help?

这有什么用啊？

Chandler

I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?

我买你的时候怎么忘了你只会翻跟头？

(Meanwhile the race has been won by Phoebe's bear, followed by Joey's robot)

（菲比的熊赢了比赛，乔伊的机器人第二）

Joey

Way to go robot!

干得好，机器人！

Phoebe

Good job Alan!

干得好，艾伦！

Joey

Hey, good race you guys.

跑得不错啊你们。

Phoebe

Yeah, see you later!

回头见！

(Joey and Phoebe leave for the door)

（乔伊和菲比走向门口离开）

Monica

No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...

等等，我们没输！（对钱德说）规则说最后过终点线的人输，我们的狗根本没过终点线，严格来说……

Chandler

They left.

他们已经走了。

(Monica turns to see the closed door.)

（莫妮卡回头看到关上的门）

Rachel

(into the phone) No, there isn't time to go to the bakery. We're just gonna come home... Everybody left? Alright, well just tell Emma we're gonna be there as soon as we can. (emotionally) Bye...

（打电话）没时间去面包店了，我们直接回家……大家都走了？好吧，告诉爱玛我们马上就回去。（难过）再见……

(She hangs up, closes her phone, turns around and puts it in her bag which is in the back of the car. While doing this and not looking at the road, she turns the steering wheel by accident, which makes the car swerve.)

（挂电话，把手机放进后座的包里，没看路，不小心打方向盘，车子跑偏）

Ross

RACHEL!

瑞秋！

Rachel

OOH! God! Sorry!

天呐！抱歉！

Ross

(sarcastically) I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.

（讽刺）真不敢相信你居然被开罚单，开车技术真好。

(Ross fastens his seat belt.)

（罗斯系紧安全带）

Rachel

Emma's awake.

爱玛醒了。

Ross

Yeah?

是吗？

Rachel

I can't believe this. This is her first birthday. She's awake. We're not even there. Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake.

真不敢相信，她一岁生日，醒了我们不在，大家也都走了，还剩这个恶心的破蛋糕。

Ross

Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)

我试试把蛋糕改改，做成别的样子。（打开盒子）

Rachel

Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.

别白费力气了，我已经搞砸她的一岁生日了……你知道这些早期经历有多重要吗？你给我的那本书封底写的，非常重要！

Ross

Rach, she's not going to remember this.

瑞秋，她不会记得这些的。

Rachel

(shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!

（摇头）也许吧……我原本想象得特别美好，爱玛笑着，大家围着蛋糕唱生日歌，然后我们一起……喂！别挡路，笨死的新手司机！（猛按喇叭，罗斯难以置信地看着她）总得让他们练练！

Ross

(looks back at the cake) Hey!

（回头看蛋糕）嘿！

Rachel

What?

怎么了？

Ross

It's not bad.

改得还不错。

Rachel

(she looks at the cake) Oh my God! Look what... you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?

（看蛋糕）天呐！你改成兔子了，怎么做到的？

Ross

Well, I just made these two things uhm... cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.

把这两块改成脸颊，再把这部分切开做耳朵。

Rachel

Well, I'm very impressed.

太厉害了。

Ross

Some can sing, some can dance. I apparently can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.

有人会唱歌，有人会跳舞，我显然会把丁丁蛋糕改成森林小动物。

Monica

Now another way to organise your stuffed animals, is by size.

整理毛绒玩具还有个方法，按大小排。

Chandler

I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?

这到底是给爱玛玩的，还是给你玩的？

Monica

Game?

玩？

Chandler

Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.

爱玛，你知道今天是你生日吗？你才一岁，小小的一只。

(With his index finger he shows her how old she is. Emma also points her finger and babbles...)

（伸出食指比划一岁，爱玛也伸出手指咿咿呀呀）

Chandler

Ooh! That's my girl!

真乖！

Monica

That's how old you are.

你就是一岁啦。

Chandler

Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?

是我教她的吗？我刚刚传授智慧了？

Monica

(embraces Emma tightly) Ooh, I want one...

（抱紧爱玛）我也想要个宝宝……

Chandler

Me too...

我也是……

(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)

（沉默几秒，钱德环顾四周）

Chandler

There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?

没人在，要不我们把她带走？

Monica

...and head to Canada!

去加拿大！

Chandler

I was kidding.

我开玩笑的。

Monica

I wasn't. Let's get going!

我没开玩笑，快走！

(Phoebe enters the apartment again.)

（菲比回到公寓）

Phoebe

Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?

罗斯和瑞秋回来了吗？

Chandler

No, not yet.

还没。

Phoebe

Oh good, I didn't miss the party.

太好了，我没错过派对。

Monica

What about your massage client?

你的按摩客人呢？

Phoebe

I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.

错过派对太可惜了，我给了他点东西，五六个小时后回去就行。

(Joey comes running into the apartment, out of breath.)

（乔伊气喘吁吁地跑进来）

Joey

Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!

罗斯和瑞秋问起来，就说我一直都在，全程都在！

(Ross and Rachel enter.)

（罗斯和瑞秋走进来）

Joey

(to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!

我一直都在！

Ross

Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.

乔伊，我们刚看到你跑进来，楼梯上还超过我们了。

Rachel

I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks you guys!

你走了我也不在意，你们能来就好，谢谢大家！

Chandler

Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.

快来看！爱玛刚做了件超厉害的事。

Rachel

What?

什么事？

Chandler

Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)

爱玛，你几岁了？今天几岁？（又伸出食指）

Emma

Wo-ish. (and holds up her finger)

咿~（伸出手指）

(Ross and Rachel gasp)

（罗斯和瑞秋震惊）

Rachel

Oh! Emma, that's right! You're that many!

对！爱玛，你就是一岁！

Ross

Oh my God! Our daughter's a genius! Rach, this means...

天呐！我们女儿是天才！瑞秋，这意味着……

Rachel

(angrily) NO, no science camp!

（生气）别再说什么科学营了！

Ross

Damnit! I'll put a candle on the cake.

好吧，我给蛋糕插根蜡烛。

Rachel

Oh!... Oh and Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly!

爱玛，你看你的毛绒玩具排得好整齐！

Monica

Thanks!

不客气！

Ross

Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.

蛋糕来啦！爱玛的一岁生日蛋糕……吹蜡烛吧，爱玛。

Chandler

Let's do it, come on!

来，加油！

(Rachel wipes away some tears.)

（瑞秋擦眼泪）

Ross

What's wrong? Are you okay?

怎么了？没事吧？

Rachel

Oh yeah, nothing! These are happy tears! This is just what I wanted.

没事，开心的眼泪！这就是我想要的样子。

Phoebe

(pointing at cake) Hey, you made it into a bunny.

蛋糕改成兔子了。

Joey

What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a penis.

我怎么回事，丁丁造型的时候看着更好吃。

ENDING CREDITS

片尾字幕

Rachel

Okay.

好了。

Ross

Okay, you ready?

准备好了吗？

Rachel

Yeah.

嗯。

Ross

A-a-and... record.

开拍。

Rachel

Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...

（两人看着镜头，罗斯挥手）嗨，爱玛，你的一岁生日结束了，今天真的……

(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)

（走廊传来大喊大叫的声音，两人起身查看，走廊里莫妮卡、钱德、乔伊和菲比又在玩发条玩具赛跑，疯狂大喊）

Phoebe

(yelling at the top of her voice) Go, go, go Alan! Run you hairy bastard!

（大喊）冲啊艾伦！快跑，你这毛茸茸的小家伙！

END

结束