The One At The Fertility Clinic

Monica

It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.

太奇怪了，昨晚怎么最后是乔伊亲了查理？我还以为最后会是你亲查理呢。

Ross

Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE!

嘿，我也以为最后会是我亲查理，好吗？但没想到吧！

Chandler

I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right?

派对大部分内容我都错过了（停顿）查理是个女生，对吧？

Ross

Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.

对，她是我们系新来的教授，我没亲到她。

Rachel

I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!

我搞不懂乔伊为什么非要亲她！我是说，派对上那么多女生，天啊！

Ross

Why do you care so much?

你干嘛这么在意？

Monica

Yes Rachel, why do you care so much?

对啊瑞秋，你干嘛这么在意？

Rachel

(worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.

（担忧地）因、因为罗斯是我孩子的爸爸！你知道的……而且我……希望他多认识点女生！（停顿）我只是……我想说的是……我觉得乔伊和查理一点共同点都没有。

Ross

Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...

哦，不见得吧，他们好像对对方的扁桃体挺感兴趣的……

Phoebe

Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!

哇，乔伊和教授！你能想象他们有孩子吗？孩子要是遗传了她的智商和乔伊的原始魅力……哦，那些书呆子可就有福气了！

Rachel

All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...

好吧，那……罗斯，你对这事不介意吧？我是说……

Ross

Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...

没事，没什么大不了的。我才刚认识她，我完全不介意……

(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)

（乔伊和查理走进来，罗斯看向她）

Ross

Oh, God. I forgot how hot she was!

天啊，我都忘了她这么性感了！

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

All

Hi!

嗨！

Ross

I'm gonna get some more coffee.

我再去倒点咖啡。

Charlie

Oh, you know what? I'll come with you!

哦，要不我跟你一起去！

Ross

Ok. (they both go)

好。（两人一起离开）

Chandler

(to Joey) So, a professor, uh?

（对乔伊）所以，是个教授啊？

Joey

Yeah! She is cool, and she's so smart! Her mind is totally acrimonious (which, being Joey, he mispronounces "amonious"). (pause) That's not how she used it...?

对！她人超酷，还特别聪明！她脑子特别敏锐（乔伊读错了单词）。（停顿）她不是这么读的吗？

Charlie

(talking to Ross) I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm... well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.

（对罗斯说）我觉得该跟你解释一下。我平时不会在派对上随便亲男生的。我……嗯，有点不好意思。真希望你不会看不起我。

Ross

Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.

怎么会！看不起你？我才不会。你看到喜欢的人就亲了，很正常啊。那些喜欢别人却不敢亲的人……那些人就是笨蛋，我讨厌那种人。

Charlie

You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...

其实我自己也有点意外。乔伊和我以前约会的男生完全不一样。我之前约会的都是教授、知识分子，大多还是古生物学家，你知道的，都特别理性……

Ross

Yeah, I know the type.

嗯，我懂那种类型。

Joey

Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close?

嘿，要是你上班前想吃点东西，我们最好抓紧点。不对？我读得差不多了吧？

Opening credits

片头字幕

Phoebe

(entering) Hey!

（走进来）嘿！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hey you guys! Look what I just got. (she shows them a pair of slippers)

嘿大伙！看我刚买了什么。（她拿出一双拖鞋）

Rachel

Oh, OH! Wow, I love those! Where did you get them?

哦，哇！好喜欢！你在哪买的？

Phoebe

I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.

在易趣上买的！这是已故仙妮亚·唐恩穿过的。

Rachel

(after a pause) Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive!

（停顿后）菲比，仙妮亚·唐恩还活着呢！

Phoebe

Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)

哦……那我买贵了。（她走向浴室）

Monica

Hey, what's this?

嘿，这是什么？

Rachel

Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.

哦，是苏荷区一家新水疗馆的代金券。

Monica

Oh, you can't show Phoebe this! She hates those corporate massage chains.

你可不能让菲比看到这个！她讨厌那种连锁按摩店。

Rachel

Ah, why, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of! I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting...

啊，凭什么，那我还不能按摩了？她看不惯的事也太多了！不让我吃小牛肉、穿皮草、去打猎……

Monica

Do you wanna go hunting?

你想去打猎？

Rachel

Well, I would like to have the option!!

我就是想有这个选择权而已！

Phoebe

(coming back from the bathroom) What's up? (she sees the gift certificate in Rachel's hands) Hey, Rachel!!

（从浴室回来）怎么了？（看到瑞秋手里的代金券）嘿，瑞秋！

Rachel

Oh!

哦！

Phoebe

No, you can't go there! You know how I feel about these "big massage places"! They're putting people like me out of business!

不行，你不能去！你知道我多反感这种“大型按摩店”！它们把我这种个体户的生意都抢光了！

Monica

And she wants to go hunting, too!!

她还想去打猎呢！

Rachel

Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna waste it! It would be like throwing away a hundred bucks!

菲比，别这样，我不想浪费啊！这跟扔了一百块钱一样！

Phoebe

Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.

好，这不是钱的事，好吗？这关乎……企业的贪婪侵蚀我们的内心，最后只剩下空洞的躯壳。

Rachel

I don't care about any of that!!

我才不管这些！

Phoebe

Well, do you care about friendship?

那你在乎我们的友谊吗？

Rachel

Oh!

哦！

Phoebe

I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. Please, don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.

我对这事态度很坚决，瑞秋。求你别用这张券，我以朋友的身份求你。

Rachel

Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!

别拿朋友说事，菲比！行了，我不用就是了！

Phoebe

Promise?

发誓？

Rachel

I promise.

我发誓。

Phoebe

Thank you. (she tears up the gift certificate)

谢谢。（她把代金券撕了）

Rachel

But I am going hunting!!

但我还是要去打猎！

Monica

(entering) Hey honey! I missed you today!

（走进来）嘿亲爱的！今天好想你！

Chandler

Oh, yeah?

哦，是吗？

Monica

Yeah. (they kiss) What d'you wanna do tonight?

是啊。（两人亲吻）今晚想干嘛？

Chandler

Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)

嗯……要不我们……（他把桌上的东西一扫而空，无声地邀请莫妮卡在桌上亲热）

Monica

Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.

行啊，故意搞乱来撩我？别搞错对象！而且明天我们要去做生育检查，在那之前你得管好你的小蝌蚪。

Chandler

We really need to take those tests?

我们真的非得做这些检查吗？

Monica

Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests.

亲爱的，我们备孕都一年多了。我觉得检查一下没坏处，就是几项常规检查而已。

Chandler

But I don't wanna do it in a cup!

但我不想在杯子里弄啊！

Monica

What is the big deal?

这有什么大不了的？

Chandler

It's weird! In a doctor's office?

太奇怪了！在医生办公室里？

Monica

It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?

在医生办公室不行，在塔可贝尔停车场的车里就行？

Chandler

(embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!

（尴尬地）真不敢相信罗斯居然告诉你了！（停顿）而且我得澄清，是温迪汉堡店！

Monica

Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!

我也不想做这些检查，但我真的觉得有必要。

Chandler

Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!

行吧。我敢肯定医生办公室肯定比赫尔希巧克力工厂的班级旅行强。

Monica

(really embarrassed) OH!

（极度尴尬）哦！

Chandler

Oh, yeah! RACHEL TALKS TOO!

可不是嘛！瑞秋也说出去了！

Joey

(sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!

（端着玻璃杯喝红酒）谁说红酒就得比牛奶贵！

(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)

（有人敲门，乔伊开门，是查理）

Joey

Heeey!

嘿！

Charlie

Hi!

嗨！

Joey

Come on in, how are ya?

快进来，最近怎么样？

Charlie

I'm good!

挺好的！

Joey

Can I offer you a drink?

喝点什么吗？

Charlie

Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...

麻烦了，我忙了一整天！跟院长开了会，暑期课程大纲要交，还得给朋友的书写序言……

Joey

Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh!

哦，我今天上班也忙坏了，今天我得开门，然后（装出害怕的样子）哦！

Charlie

So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!

能来这里我太开心了，迫不及待想逛逛这座城市！

Joey

Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)

嘿，要是需要导游……（指着自己）

Charlie

Oh, you mean it? That would be so fun!

真的吗？那肯定超有意思！

Joey

Yeah, definitely, definitely. Ok, what do you wanna see first?

当然，必须的。好，你想先去哪？

Charlie

Oh, well, we can go see the Chronos Quartet at the Avery Fisher Hall.

嗯，我们可以去艾弗里·费雪音乐厅听克洛诺斯四重奏。

Joey

(looking puzzled and nodding) Ok!

（一脸疑惑地点头）好！

Charlie

And there is a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.

公共图书馆还在展出沃尔特·惠特曼的书信集。

Joey

I know, yeah!

知道，知道！

Charlie

And first, I have to see the MET!

还有，我一定要去大都会博物馆！

Joey

Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.

打住。大都会队太烂了，要看就看洋基队。

Charlie

No, no, no, not the Mets, the MET, singular!

不不不，不是大都会队，是大都会博物馆，单数！

Joey

Which one, they all suck!

哪个都烂！

Charlie

The museum!

是博物馆！

Joey

(looking puzzled) I don't think so.

（一脸困惑）我可不这么觉得。

Rachel

(to the receptionist) Hi there!

（对接待员）你好！

Receptionist

(in an affected tone) Hello, welcome to Lavender Day Spa SPA. How may I help you?

（语气做作）您好，欢迎光临薰衣草日间水疗馆。有什么可以为您服务的？

Rachel

Oh, hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate.

你好，我预约了按摩，名字是瑞秋·格林，这是我的代金券。

Receptionist

This has been torn up.

这张券被撕过了。

Rachel

And... taped back together.

然后……又粘好了。

Receptionist

Ok well, I'll call you as soon as your massage therapist is ready.

好的，按摩师准备好了我会叫你。

Rachel

Ok

好。

Receptionist

Have a seat through the glass doors.

请在玻璃门外等候。

Rachel

(imitating the receptionist's tone) through the glass doors.

（模仿接待员的语气）玻璃门外。

Receptionist

Through the glass doors.

玻璃门外。

Rachel

Alright-y then.

行吧。

(Phoebe enters the hall)

（菲比走进大厅）

Receptionist

Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.

菲比，下一位客人在等候室。

Phoebe

Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? (She sees Rachel) Oh, no, no! Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?

好。没人在的时候我们非得这么说话吗？（看到瑞秋）糟了！有没有人能替我一下？

Receptionist

Sorry, everyone is booked!

抱歉，都排满了！

Phoebe

But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.

不能让她知道我在这上班，她是我朋友，我之前还大肆吐槽这种连锁按摩店有多差劲。

Receptionist

Then why you work here?

那你还来这上班？

Phoebe

'Cause it's good money! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine!

因为工资高啊！但这改变不了它是个吸血的邪恶企业机器的事实！

Receptionist

Well, I think this is a great place to work!

我觉得这里上班挺好的！

Phoebe

(watching around and whispering) Ok, are they listening?

（环顾四周小声说）好了，他们在听吗？

(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)

（乔伊走进来，走向坐在沙发上的罗斯）

Joey

Ross!

罗斯！

Ross

Hi!

嗨！

Joey

I need to talk to you about Charlie.

我得跟你聊聊查理的事。

Ross

(annoyed) Oh, do you, do you really?

（不耐烦）哦，是吗，真的有必要吗？

Joey

Yeah, I'm... I'm kind of having a little problem.

嗯，我……我有点小麻烦。

Ross

Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!

听着，要是你不知道“敏锐”这个词什么意思，就别乱用！

Joey

No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...

不是，你了解查理吧？她人好、有趣、身材还超……

Ross

Get to the problem!

说重点！

Joey

Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!

好。就是她比我以前约会过的所有女生都聪明！加起来都比不上！我不想让她觉得我笨！

Ross

(looking down) Are you wearing two belts?

（低头看）你系了两条皮带？

Joey

(checking) EH, what do you know!

（看了看）哎，你还真看出来了！

Ross

You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.

你刚说不想显得笨。

Joey

Right, right, right, well, she wants to go to all this cultural places and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out!

对对对，她想去各种文化场所，我根本不知道怎么聊那些东西，你得帮帮我！

Ross

You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship.

我真不想掺和你们俩的事。

Joey

Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.

求你了，你是我认识最聪明的人，我真的很喜欢她，不想失去她。

Ross

(after a short hesitation) Fine.

（犹豫片刻）行吧。

Joey

Thanks.

谢谢。

Ross

Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!

好，我想想。你该带她去大都会博物馆！

Joey

The Metsss!

大都会队！

Ross

Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

不是！是大都会博物馆！

Joey

(realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!

（恍然大悟）哦，她是这个意思！（停顿）要是想简称，直接叫MUSE多好，博物馆的缩写，就不会搞混了！

Ross

Yeah, most of it it's a place packed with confused angry baseball fans!

可不是嘛，不然总会有一群迷糊又生气的棒球迷搞混。

Joey

Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.

行，那我带她去大都会博物馆。

Ross

Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. You know what? She loves architecture, you know what you should do? You should take a walk down fifth to the Saint Patrick's Cathedral and there there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.

对，麦迪逊大道有家很棒的珍本书店。她喜欢建筑，你可以带她去第五大道的圣帕特里克大教堂，附近有家超棒的小甜品店，她肯定喜欢。

Joey

Geez, sounds like you should be going on this date!

天啊，听着像是该你去约会！

Ross

But I'm not! (pause). You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...

但我不去！（停顿）要是想吃泰国菜的话……

Joey

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?

停停停！慢点，说得太快了。先讲大都会博物馆，行吗？

Ross

Ok.

好。

Joey

You got to tell me exactly what to do there.

你得把到那之后该做什么详细告诉我。

Ross

Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.

好，进博物馆后右转，那是古文物馆，从古埃及、美索不达米亚到拜占庭帝国的展品都有。

Joey

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)

停停停停停！我进门后右转（他把胳膊弯向左边，罗斯把他的胳膊掰到右边，乔伊点头）

Chandler

I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.

我对这地方感觉怪怪的。（停顿）我怎么知道他们会不会偷偷拍我，然后传到网上去。

Monica

Because, honey, I mean this in the sweetest way possible, nobody is gonna wanna watch that.

亲爱的，说句实话，没人会想看的。

(a nurse walks in)

（一名护士走进来）

Nurse

Mr. Bing? (Chandler jumps up) Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.

宾先生？（钱德勒猛地站起来）这边请！你去那个房间，把样本放到容器里。

Chandler

Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.

放样本？这种话我一般得打付费热线才能听到。谢了，知道了。

Monica

Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?

亲爱的，我去走廊那头检查，你确定你没事吧？

Chandler

Yeah, I guess!

嗯，应该没事！

Monica

I know this is embarrassing, but nobody cares! No one here even knows you!

我知道这很尴尬，但没人会在意的，这里没人认识你。

Janice

OH MY GOD!!

我的天啊！

Chandler

Oh, Come on!

别这样！

Commercial Break

广告时段

Janice

Ah ahahahhahaa! How great is this!

哈哈哈！太巧了吧！

Monica

Hey, we're probably fertile, let's go home!

我们肯定没问题，回家吧！

Chandler

Why are you here?

你怎么在这？

Janice

Well, Sid and I are trying again and we had trouble last time because apparently we...

我和西德准备再要个孩子，上次没成，好像是因为我们……

Chandler

(to Heaven) No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??

（对着天）别别别……我是说，她怎么会在这？

Janice

Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).

哦！某人今天脾气不好，是因为得在杯子里弄吧！（笑）哟，还给你个儿童款的（看着他手里的杯子）。

Chandler

What!?

什么？！

(Janice does her "Janice Laugh")

（珍妮斯发出她标志性的笑声）

Monica

This was fun! But I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to! (leaves)

真有意思！不过我要去做侵入式阴道检查了！（离开）

Chandler

I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)

我也想留下，但我……（指着杯子）有个重要的事要做……（准备离开）

Janice

Please... go! (Then shouts after him) Just let me know if you need a hand!

赶紧去吧！（对着他的背影喊）需要帮忙随时说！

Chandler

(disgusted) I think it just fell off. (Leaves)

（嫌弃地）我看已经掉了。（离开）

Phoebe

(In a strange heavy accent) Hello "ja", it's time for your massage, ja! Put your face in the hole.

（用奇怪的浓重口音）你好，该按摩了！把脸放洞里。

Rachel

Wow, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person. (Puts her head in the hole and Phoebe enters)

哇，正宗瑞典人做的瑞典式按摩。（把头放进洞里，菲比走进来）

Phoebe

Okay, then I'm Swedish...

行吧，那我就是瑞典人……

Monica

So, what's your name?

你叫什么名字？

Phoebe

It's a normal Swedish name... Ikea...

很普通的瑞典名字……宜家……

Rachel

Oh... what an interesting name.

哦……好特别的名字。

Phoebe

Ja!

对！

Rachel

You know I... (lifts her head and tries to look in Phoebe's direction)

我……（抬头想看向菲比）

Phoebe

(pushes her head back down) Time for your scalp massage!

（把她的头按回去）头皮按摩时间到！

Rachel

(Sees Phoebe's slippers through the hole) Wow... I really love your... (startled as she realizes those are Phoebe's slippers)

（透过洞看到菲比的拖鞋）哇……好喜欢你的……（突然发现是菲比的拖鞋，吓了一跳）

Phoebe

Is something wrong?

怎么了？

Rachel

No, it's just that uhm... it feels so good... Ikea... (pause) Yeah, say hey, you'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?

没事，就是……太舒服了……宜家……（停顿）对了，你肯定知道，瑞典的首都是什么？

Phoebe

(Thinks for a few moments) Uhm... Stockholm.

（想了一会儿）嗯……斯德哥尔摩。

Rachel

Damn! I wish I knew if that was right!

可恶！我都不知道对不对！

Joey

(gesturing at an imaginary painting) Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.

（对着一幅想象中的画比划）注意这幅画布上灵动的线条和细腻的厚涂技法。莫奈作画很快，通常在户外创作，因为他捕捉的是转瞬即逝的光影。

Ross

Now, do you have any idea what you just said?

你知道你刚才说的是什么意思吗？

Joey

(shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!

（摇头表示当然不知道）不知道，我嘴巴在说这些话，脑子里想的是怪物卡车！

Ross

Ok now, remember, when you get to the museum, Monet is not spelt M-O-N-A-Y. I just... I wrote that out phonetically for you.

记住，到了博物馆，莫奈别拼成M-O-N-A-Y，我只是……按发音写给你的。

Joey

Phonetically? (Looks confused)

发音？（一脸困惑）

Ross

Yeah, yeah that means... you know? We just... we don't have time for this.

对，就是……算了，没时间解释了。

Joey

Ok.

好。

Ross

Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!

说真的，你能这么快记住这些，我太佩服了！

Joey

Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy".

我是演员嘛！什么都能记住！上周拍《我们的日子》，我得说“额颞颧颅骨切开术”。

Ross

Wow. What does that mean?

哇，那是什么意思？

Joey

No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".

不知道！但听我说这句话的人下一幕就死了，我猜意思是“你要被熊吃了”。

Ross

Ok! So let's move on to the Renaissance?

行！那我们接着练文艺复兴时期的内容？

Joey

Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).

好，卡拉瓦乔在这里用明暗对比法突出了中心人物的痛苦。摸一下，凹凸感好强！（伸手去摸想象中的画）

Ross

Nah ah! Nah ah! (stops him form doing so) No no no! No ad-libbing and dude, you can't touch the paintings.

不行！（阻止他）别即兴发挥，而且不能摸画。

Joey

Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)

别嘛！（又伸手去摸）

Ross

No! (Slaps his hand)

不行！（拍开他的手）

Chandler

(To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?

（对护士站的护士）样本弄好了，刚才有人敲门，太感谢了，帮我加快了进度！（走向休息区，看到珍妮斯还在）珍妮斯！你还没走？

Janice

Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?

西德还在里面呢，我不让他在家看色情内容，来这儿对他来说跟度假似的。弄好了吗？交差了？

Chandler

Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!

嗯！最难的部分结束了！

Janice

That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?

亲爱的，这才不是最难的！接下来才是，你不担心结果吗？

Chandler

I haven't... I haven't even thought about the results yet... I just assumed that everything was gonna be ok.

我都……没想过结果的事，我以为肯定没问题。

Janice

Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.

没事，大概率没问题的。

Chandler

(Slightly panicky) Yeah, but what if it's not? What if there is a reason why we can't have a baby?

（有点慌）万一有问题呢？万一我们就是怀不上呢？

Janice

Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.

钱德勒，别担心，你和莫妮卡肯定会有孩子的，一切都会好的。

Chandler

(smiling again) oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...

（又笑了）谢谢，我都没想到这点。我光顾着担心来这儿做……那种事了。

Janice

What, you can do it in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, but you can't do it at a doctor's office?

你都能在塔可贝尔停车场做，怎么就不能在医生办公室做？

Chandler

(stares at her intently, then yells) It was a "Wendy's!! "

（死死盯着她，大喊）是温迪汉堡店！

Phoebe

(Singing) "Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! " And that is the Swedish National Anthem! Thank you for asking! (looks annoyed)

（唱歌）“伊潘·斯崔潘，格鲁皮·格拉比！”这就是瑞典国歌！不用谢！（一脸嫌弃）

Rachel

Wow, Ikea... what a rich culture. Uhm, you know what? I have a friend who is a masseuse.

哇，宜家……瑞典文化好丰富。对了，我有个朋友也是按摩师。

Phoebe

Oh, Ja! Ja!

哦，是嘛！

Rachel

Yah! She's... uhm... not very good though... (Phoebe looks devastated)

嗯！不过她……手艺不太好……（菲比一脸崩溃）

Phoebe

Uhu, uhu... and why do you think that is?

哦？你觉得为什么呢？

Rachel

I don't know... maybe it's because she has got such callousy fingers from playing crummy guitar...

不知道……可能是她弹破吉他，手指长了厚茧吧……

Phoebe

Or... maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high maintenance tight ass!

或者……是你太挑剔、太僵硬，她才按不开你的结节！

Rachel

(now lifts her head) Phoebe!!

（抬头）菲比！

Phoebe

You know it's me?

你早就知道是我？

Rachel

For like a half an hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!

半小时前就知道了！你居然还装瑞典人！

Phoebe

How can you come here?

你怎么能来这种地方？

Rachel

How could you not tell me you worked here?

你怎么不告诉我你在这上班？

Phoebe

I don't have to tell you everything!

我没必要什么都告诉你！

Rachel

Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!

你有必要，不然你还让我为免费按摩感到愧疚！

Phoebe

Tips not included.

小费另算。

Rachel

Oh! Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?

菲比，你为什么骗我你在这上班？

Phoebe

Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!

因为我觉得丢人，行了吧？我为了钱妥协了！他们还提供医保、牙医保险和养老金。但这是有代价的，我现在成了企业的傀儡，天天打卡上班，还要交税！

Rachel

Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!

菲比，亲爱的，你这么讨厌这里，现在就辞职啊！坚持自己的原则！我特别佩服你有原则，我一点都没有！

Phoebe

You know what? You are right. I am gonna quit. It's time I took my life back!

你说得对，我现在就辞职，找回我的人生！

Rachel

Good for you Pheebs!

好样的，菲比！

Phoebe

Ok.

好。

Phoebe

Okay (walks out and closes the door behind her, looks up and whispers) If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.

（走出去关上门，抬头小声说）要是里面也有麦克风，我刚才说的都是假的，我爱这份工作。

Ross

Haha! Got ya! Die, die, die!

哈哈！打中了！去死！

(Charlie walks in.)

（查理走进来）

Ross

(recovers his composure and starts typing) Respectfully, professor R. Geller. (hits <return>, closes the laptop and joins Charlie on the sofa) Hey!

（立刻恢复正经，开始打字）尊敬的R·盖勒教授。（回车，合上笔记本，坐到查理身边）嗨！

Charlie

Hi!

嗨！

Ross

Hey, how was the Met?

大都会博物馆好玩吗？

Charlie

The museum was amazing!

博物馆太棒了！

Ross

Yeah? Joey really knows his art, huh?

是吗？乔伊挺懂艺术的吧？

Charlie

Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.

其实不懂，他明显是背了一堆话，有些话根本不通顺。

Ross

What do you mean?

怎么说？

Charlie

Well, for one, he was talking about paintings that were nowhere around.

比如，他说的画根本不在我们参观的区域。

Ross

(perplexed for a moment) Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?

（愣了一下）等等……你们进博物馆后是右转的吗？

Charlie

No, we went to the left.

没有，我们左转了。

Ross

(shaking head) Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.

（摇头）乔伊啊乔伊！不过你们俩在一起看起来挺开心的。

Charlie

Yeah, it's fun (hesitating).

嗯，挺开心的（犹豫地）。

Ross

What?

怎么了？

Charlie

Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.

其实，乔伊是你朋友，你也不太了解我，说这个有点奇怪。

Ross

What, I mean, a little, but no, what, go on.

没事，有点，但说吧。

Charlie

Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?

我在想，他或许不是适合我的人，我应该找个……和我有更多共同点的人。你懂我的意思吗？

Ross

(slowly) Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.

（缓缓地）懂。但我觉得你该给乔伊一次机会，他人很好，虽然不懂艺术，但这些你可以跟别人聊。

Charlie

Yeah, I guess that's true.

好像也是。

Ross

And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.

而且他背那些东西，是因为他觉得你在意这些，乔伊就是这样的人。

Charlie

He is very sweet. Plus he's hot!

他人很好，还很性感！

Ross

That was going to be my next argument.

我正准备说这个。

(Joey walks in)

（乔伊走进来）

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Charlie

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

(to Charlie) You're ready?

（对查理）准备好了吗？

Charlie

Yeah, let's go. (stands up and kisses Joey) (to Ross) Thanks Ross.

嗯，走吧。（站起来亲了乔伊一下）（对罗斯）谢谢你，罗斯。

Joey

(aside, to Ross) Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.

（小声对罗斯）罗斯！艺术那套管用了，谢了兄弟。

Ross

Glad I could help man.

能帮上忙就好。

Joey

Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... (confidently) I made it work.

虽然有些东西不在你说的地方，但……（自信地）我搞定了。

Chandler

(picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.

（拿起一个和他装样本类似的塑料杯）我现在居然对这东西有感觉，太不正常了。

(phone rings)

（电话响了）

Chandler

Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. (pause) No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this? (his smile fades as he hears the answer) Oh. (pause) Well, so what does that mean? (pause) Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks. (hangs up)

喂？你好，康纳利医生。（停顿）她不在，我可以转告她。我需要坐下来听吗？（听到答案，笑容消失）哦。（停顿）那是什么意思？（停顿）好，谢谢。（挂电话）

(Monica walks in)

（莫妮卡走进来）

Monica

Hey sweetie.

嘿亲爱的。

Chandler

Doctor Connelly just called.

康纳利医生刚打电话来。

Monica

With good news? (very quickly and wringing hands) Of course it is not good news, you just said (deadpan) "Doctor Connelly just called". If it was good news you would have said (excitedly) "Doctor Connelly just called! " But so what is it? Is there a problem, uh? Is there a problem with me or with you?

是好消息吗？（快速紧张地搓手）肯定不是好消息，你刚才语气平平地说“康纳利医生刚打电话来”，要是好消息你会兴奋地说！到底怎么了？有问题吗？是我的问题还是你的问题？

Chandler

Actually it's both of us.

其实是我们俩都有问题。

Monica

What?

什么？

Chandler

Apparently my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.

我的精子活力低，你的子宫环境不利于受孕。

Monica

Oh... what does that mean?

哦……那是什么意思？

Chandler

It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...

意思就是我的精子懒得动，你的子宫还会把能动的都干掉。（停顿）意思就是……

Monica

Chandler?

钱德勒？

Chandler

(seriously) It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.

（严肃地）我们可以继续尝试，但很可能我们永远都怀不上孩子。

Monica

(weeping) Oh my God!

（哭）天啊！

Chandler

I'm sorry.

对不起。

Monica

I'm sorry too.

我也对不起。

(they hug)

（两人拥抱）

Chandler

Well, we're gonna... we're gonna figure this out.

我们会……我们会想办法的。

Monica

(still weeping) I know.

（哭着）嗯。

Closing credits

片尾字幕

Receptionist

Good morning Phoebe.

早上好，菲比。

Phoebe

(imitating the receptionist's tone) Good morning receptionist.

（模仿接待员的语气）早上好，接待员。

Receptionist

Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.

这是你今天的排班，第一位客人在一号房。

Phoebe

Rachel Green? (angrily) Son of a bitch, she came back?

瑞秋·格林？（生气地）该死，她又来了？

(Phoebe walks to the door and half-opens it)

（菲比走到门边，半推开门）

Phoebe

(through the door, with a Scottish accent) Are you ready for your Scottish massage? Put your face in the hole, lassy.

（隔着门用苏格兰口音）准备好做苏格兰式按摩了吗？把脸放洞里，姑娘。

End

剧终