The One With The Memorial Service

Chandler

Hey! Ready to go?

嘿！可以走了吗？

Ross

Oh yeah, let me just finish this.

哦好的，等我写完先。

Joey

Hey Ross, check this out! (he tries to spin a basketball on his fingertip but he throws it against a table) yeah, I can't do that!

嘿罗斯，看我！（他试着用指尖转篮球，结果把球扔到了桌子上）唉，还真是玩不转！

Chandler

What are you doin'?

你写什么呢？

Ross

Have you seen this? It's a new alumni website for college! It's cool! You can post messages for people, let everyone know what you're up to.

见过吗？这是大学新的校友网站！超酷的！可以给别人留言，告诉大家你最近在忙什么。

Chandler

Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .

好地方，能更快地昭告天下——我失业且无后。

Ross

It's actually kinda interesting to find out what people are doing... remember Andrea Rich?

了解别人的近况其实挺有意思的……还记得安德里亚·里奇吗？

Chandler

The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?

不肯跟你上床的那个高个子女孩？

Ross

Uh uh... well, her Internet Company went under and she lost an ear in a boating accident...

呃……她的网络公司倒闭了，而且她在一次划船事故中失去了一只耳朵……

Chandler

Bet she'd sleep with you now...

她现在肯定愿意跟你上床了……

Ross

No... I already e-mailed her.

没有……我已经给她发邮件了。

Chandler

Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!

“古生物学博士，育有两个孩子……”（停顿）你和卡罗尔分手是因为兴趣不合？……我觉得你们分手是因为有一个非常相似的爱好！

Ross

You know what? I'm gonna finish this later, ok? Let me just grab my coat.

算了，我还是待会儿再写吧，好吗？我去拿外套。

Joey

Hey! (he throws the basketball against a table again)

嘿！（他又把篮球扔到了桌子上）

Ross

(he picks up the ball) What do you think you learned how to do in the last two minutes?? (he enters another room)

（捡起球）你觉得这两分钟你就学会了？？（走进另一个房间）

Chandler

Maybe we finish this for him! (he sits down on the sofa and he start typing on Ross' computer) "Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best sex I've ever had"... aaand SEND!

要不我们帮他写完吧！（坐在沙发上，开始在罗斯的电脑上打字）“另外，我在实验室克隆了一只恐龙，她现在是我的女朋友。我不在乎别人怎么说，这是我有过的最棒的体验”……好，发送！

Joey

(he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!

（阻止钱德勒发送）不行不行不行……你不能这么对他！

Ross

(he comes back) Alright, let's go!

（回来）好了，走吧！

Joey

Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands)

喂！（张开胳膊想从罗斯手里拿球）

Ross

I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house!

你在屋里玩球的样子，已经证明我不能把球交给你！

Joey

(after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button)

（罗斯离开房间后）好，发送！（按下发送键）

Opening credits

片头字幕

Rachel

Hey! How was basketball?

嘿！篮球打得怎么样？

Joey

Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!

哦，本来挺好玩的，直到钱德勒被戳到了眼睛！

Rachel

Oh, no! Who did that?

哦，不会吧！谁弄的？

Joey

Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)

钱德勒自己……嘿……（走向自己的房间，却在爱玛的婴儿床边停下）瑞……企鹅先生怎么在爱玛的婴儿床里？（一脸疑惑）

Rachel

She was just crawling around and she found him, so I just let her sleep with him. That's all right? Isn't it?

她到处爬，发现了它，我就让她抱着睡了。没问题吧，是不是？

Joey

(still very puzzled) Oh, yeah... of course... yeah... it's a stuffed animal... you know... it's for kids... not for adults... I know that!

（依旧疑惑）哦，是啊……当然……嗯……就是个毛绒玩具嘛……你知道……是给小孩玩的……大人不玩……我懂！

Rachel

Joey... are you sure? I mean, I know how much you love him!

乔伊……你确定吗？我知道你有多喜欢它！

Joey

Rachel... let's be clear on this, ok? I do not love Hugsy. I like him a normal amount...

瑞秋……咱们说清楚，好吗？我不迷恋企鹅先生，就是普通喜欢而已……

Rachel

All right... Oh, Emma loves him!

好吧……可爱玛超喜欢它！

Joey

Why wouldn't she? He's a wonderful person!

谁能不喜欢呢？它多可爱啊！

Phoebe

Hi.

嗨。

Monica

Hey Phoebe... how you doin'? You feelin' better?

嘿菲比……你好吗？好点了吗？

Phoebe

Breaking up sucks! Oh, I really miss Mike!

分手太难受了！我好想麦克！

Chandler

Oh, I'm so sorry!

哦，真抱歉！

Phoebe

Oh God, I tried everything to make myself feel better. I even tried writing a song about it... but... I can't think of anything that rhymes with AARRGGHH!! (pause) Hey Monica, I really need your help getting through this...

天啊，我想尽办法让自己好受点，甚至还写歌……可我找不到和“啊”押韵的词！！（停顿）嘿莫妮卡，我真的需要你帮我熬过这段日子……

Chandler

You're not gonna need my help?

不需要我帮忙吗？

Phoebe

Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.

不用，等我……你懂的，想听刻薄地嘲讽麦克的笑话时，再找你。

Chandler

Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth (he goes towards the counter)

太好了，我已经想了三个……四个！刚又想了一个（走向吧台）

Phoebe

Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.

好吧。我知道我做得对，麦克不想结婚，我不该陷入一段没有未来的感情……但……很快我就会超级想他，想见他，你一定要阻止我。

Monica

Ok, you got it!

好，交给我！

Phoebe

(after a pause) Unless... Maybe it's too crazy about this... Alright so... you know, there is no future... but that doesn't mean we still can't have fun. You know what? Forget what I said.

（停顿后）除非……或许我有点太偏激了……其实……虽然没有未来，但不代表我们不能开心地在一起。算了，当我没说。

Monica

Really? If that's what you want...

真的吗？如果你真这么想……

Phoebe

That was a test and you just failed.

刚才是测试，你不及格。

Monica

Damn it! Rookie mistake!

该死！新手才犯的错！

(Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter)

（罗斯怒气冲冲地走进来，走向坐在吧台边的钱德勒）

Ross

(yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??

（冲钱德勒大喊）我和恐龙做爱？？

Chandler

I believe I read that somewhere!

我好像在哪看到过！

Ross

That only is not funny, it's physically impossible! Ok? Depending on the species I'd have to have a six foot long... (pause) It's not funny!!

这一点都不好笑，而且生理上根本不可能！懂吗？就恐龙那体型，我得有六英尺长的……（停顿）一点都不好笑！！

Chandler

I respectfully disagree.

我可不这么觉得。

Ross

I can't believe you put that on my alumni page!

你居然把这种东西发到我的校友主页上！

Chandler

Who cares? Nobody reads those things

谁会在意？没人看那种东西。

Ross

You'd better hope not because I just read what you put on your page today.

最好是，因为我刚看了你今天发在你主页上的东西。

Chandler

I don't have a page.

我没有主页。

Ross

Oh oh oh! I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE!!

哦哦哦！我可不这么觉得！！

Joey

Look at you, all sweet and innocent, sleeping like an angel... with Emma's chubby little hands wrapped around ya. (he picks up Hugsy) It's okay, Emma, you stay asleep. (Emma cries)

看看你，又乖又纯真，睡得像个小天使……被爱玛胖乎乎的小手抱着。（拿起企鹅先生）没事的爱玛，继续睡吧。（爱玛哭了）

Rachel

(threatening Joey with a scrunchy): Step away from the crib, I have a weapon!

（拿着发圈吓唬乔伊）离婴儿床远点，我有武器！

Joey

It's okay, it's okay Rach, it's me. Put down the scrunchy.

没事没事瑞，是我，放下发圈。

Rachel

What are you doing?

你干嘛呢？

Joey

Well, I heard Emma stirring, so I came to make sure she could reach Hugsy.

我听到爱玛动了，过来看看她能不能够到企鹅先生。

Rachel

Oh, oh thanks. Alright well, now that I'm up I'm going to go to the bathroom.

哦，谢谢。既然醒了，我去趟洗手间。

Joey

(placing Hugsy back in the crib) There you go sweetie... (to Emma) This isn't over.

（把企鹅先生放回婴儿床）给你，小乖……（对爱玛）这事没完。

Monica

Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... (reads from the screen) "gay as the day is long"?

等一下，罗斯为什么跟你们班所有人说你……（看着屏幕念）“从头到脚都是同性恋”？

Chandler

Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.

因为我跟所有人说他和恐龙做爱。

Monica

But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)

但那明显是玩笑，这个却很可能是真的。（电话响了）

Chandler

Would you get that please? People have been calling to congratulate me all day.

能接一下吗？一整天都有人打电话来恭喜我。

Monica

(On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.

（接电话）喂？他不在。嗯，我是他妻子。是啊，我也特别震惊。我早该猜到的。他总逼我看《红磨坊》。

Chandler

Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).

挂了挂了！那电影超好看的！（莫妮卡挂电话）我一定要报复罗斯……对，这么做肯定能气到他，看好了（开始打字）。

Monica

What are you doing?

你在干嘛？

Chandler

Oh, you'll see my friend.

等着瞧吧，朋友。

Ross

(visibly upset) I'm dead?

（明显很生气）我死了？

Chandler

(faking sympathy) And so young.

（假装同情）还这么年轻。

Ross

Posting that I died? That really isn't funny.

发我死了的消息？这一点都不好笑。

Chandler

Well, how you died was funny.

但你的死法挺搞笑的。

Ross

Oh please, hit by a blimp?

拜托，被飞艇撞死？

Chandler

It kills over one americans every year.

美国每年都有一个人这么死。

Ross

Unbelievable, my classmates are gonna think I'm dead, my professors, my... my parents are gonna get phone calls. You're messing with people's feelings here.

太离谱了，我的同学、教授、我爸妈都会收到消息，以为我死了。你这是在玩弄别人的感情。

Chandler

You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!

还跟我谈感情？你该听听昨天斯特恩教授有多伤心，就因为我不陪他去西礁岛！

Ross

You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.

你太过分了，但没关系，我正要去买修图软件和一堆同性恋色情图片。没错！你出柜的事，马上就有图有真相了。

Phoebe

God, I wish Mike were here.

天啊，真希望麦克在这儿。

Monica

Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?

如果麦克在，你们俩会干嘛？

(Phoebe gives her a meaningful look)

（菲比意味深长地看了她一眼）

Monica

What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon!

你们是动物吗？现在才下午四点！

Phoebe

I gotta call him. Just to talk to him, there's no harm in that.

我得给他打个电话，就聊聊天而已，没什么的。

Monica

Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. (pause) Give me your phone.

菲比，事情都是这么开始的。我不吃蛋糕，就闻闻奶油香……要不尝一小口？或者吃一两片？最后你会胖到210磅，卡在滑梯里出不来。菲比，亲爱的，我知道很难。但你跟他聊天，就会想见他；见了他，就会想复合。我知道这不是你想要的结果。（停顿）把手机给我。

Phoebe

Here.

给。

Monica

And now your cell.

还有你的手机。

Phoebe

Okay (she takes a huge, clearly obsolete cellphone she keeps in a closet and gives it to Monica)

好。（从衣柜里拿出一个巨大的老式手机，递给莫妮卡）

Monica

This is your cellphone?

这是你的手机？

Phoebe

Yes.

嗯。

Monica

This is your current cellphone?

你现在就用这个？

Phoebe

Yes, it reminds me of a simpler time.

嗯，它能让我想起简单美好的过去。

Monica

Phoebe, where's your purse?

菲比，你的包呢？

(They run for Phoebe's purse, Phoebe gets there first and takes the cell. Monica tries to take it away from her)

（两人冲向菲比的包，菲比先拿到手机，莫妮卡想抢过来）

Monica

No, no! Give it to me!

不行，给我！

Phoebe

You can't have it.

不给。

Monica

Give it to me!

给我！

Phoebe

No (tucks it in her pants)

不给。（把手机塞进裤子里）

Monica

I'll go in there.

我可真敢掏。

Phoebe

(disbelievingly) Oh yeah.

（难以置信）你敢？

Monica

Phoebe come here

菲比过来。

(they fight a little, the phone falls and Monica picks it up)

（两人拉扯了几下，手机掉在地上，莫妮卡捡起来）

Monica

Haha!

哈哈！

Phoebe

Damn you Monica Geller hyphen Bing!

该死的莫妮卡·盖勒-宾！

Joey

Hey, look who's here! It's Joey, and he brought home a friend.

嘿，看看谁来了！乔伊，还带了个朋友回来。

Rachel

Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore.

乔伊，爱玛在这儿呢！你答应过不再中午带女孩回家的。

Joey

No, no, it's not a girl, it's... a brand new Hugsy!

不是女孩，是……一个全新的企鹅先生！

Rachel

Oh that's so great, now Emma has two Hugsy's.

太棒了，爱玛现在有两个企鹅先生了。

Joey

No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.

不是，爱玛留新的这个，旧的那个……我拿回去好了。

Rachel

Oh you know what? When I was a little girl I had a little pink pony named Cotton. Oh I loved her so much, I took her everywhere, I would braid her tail...

你知道吗？我小时候有只粉色的小马叫棉花糖，我超爱它，走到哪带到哪，还帮它编辫子……

Joey

Make the transfer! (She does so)

赶紧换过来！（瑞秋照做）

Rachel

Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it?

旧企鹅先生掉了颗扣子，我找不到了，没事吧？

Joey

Oh, no don't worry about that, I swallowed that years ago.

没事，别担心，我早就把扣子吞下去了。

(Emma cries)

（爱玛哭了）

Rachel

Oh, I don't think she likes the new Hugsy.

哦，她好像不喜欢新的企鹅先生。

Joey

But he's the same.

明明一模一样。

Rachel

Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.

她想要旧的那个。

Joey

But he's the same.

就是一样的。

Rachel

Joey, come on!

乔伊，别固执了！

Joey

He's the same!

一模一样！

(they exchange Hugsy's).

（两人换回旧企鹅先生）

Joey

(to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!

（对着新企鹅先生）你才不一样！

Monica

Haha!

哈哈！

Phoebe

You know, it's a lot less surprising to do that after I've buzzed you into the building.

我没给你开门你就进来了，也太神奇了。

Monica

So Phoebe, why are there men's shoes by the door.

菲比，门口怎么有男士的鞋子？

Phoebe

Those are my shoes.

是我的。

Monica

Oh, when you get over this breakup we need to go shopping.

等你走出失恋，我们得去逛街买衣服。

Phoebe

Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better. Yeah, I just kinda want to be alone right now.

莫妮卡，谢谢你来看我，我好多了，现在想一个人静一静。

(Someone knocks on the door)

（有人敲门）

Monica

Who's that? (goes to open door)

谁啊？（去开门）

Phoebe

I ordered Chinese food.

我叫了中餐外卖。

(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)

（莫妮卡开门，麦克站在门口）

Phoebe

What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!?

什么概率啊？十几亿中国人，外卖居然是麦克！

Monica

(To Mike) What are you doing here?

（对麦克）你来干嘛？

Mike

Phoebe called me.

菲比给我打电话了。

Monica

Phoebe!

菲比！

Phoebe

I'm sorry, I broke down... I wanted to see him.

对不起，我没忍住……我想见他。

Monica

Damnit Phoebe! How did you even call him?

该死！你怎么联系到他的？

Phoebe

There is a speakerphone on the base unit...

座机有免提功能……

Monica

Base Unit! Think Monica! Think!

座机！动动脑子啊莫妮卡！

Mike

Look, if I wanna see Phoebe and she wants to see...

如果我想见菲比，菲比也想见我……

Monica

(to Mike) This doesn't concern you!!

（对麦克）没你的事！！

Mike

Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!

抱歉，听到我的名字，我还以为跟我有关呢！

Monica

Look, guys, you can't do this, it's just going to make getting over each other, that much harder.

你们不能这样，只会让彼此更难放下。

Phoebe

Not if nothing happens. Why can't... why can't we just hang out as friends?

只要不越界就没事，我们就不能当朋友相处吗？

Monica

Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).

好啊！如果只是当朋友，那我也一起。我是菲比的朋友（对菲比说），也是麦克的朋友。（麦克一脸怀疑）

Phoebe

Sit down.

坐吧。

(Phoebe and Mike sit next to each other)

（菲比和麦克坐到一起）

Monica

Oh wow wow wow!! Make room for your friend! (sits herself down between them)

哎呀哎呀！给朋友挪个位置！（坐到两人中间）

Mike

(to Phoebe) So how've you been?

（对菲比）你最近怎么样？

Monica

I've been pretty good!

我挺好的！

Mike

(to Phoebe) You look really beautiful.

（对菲比）你今天真美。

Phoebe

Thanks, you look good too.

谢谢，你也很帅。

Monica

Oh no no no no... this is dangerous territory. Keep it clean!

不行不行……太危险了，说点正经的！

Phoebe

So how's the piano playing going?

钢琴练得怎么样了？

Mike

Actually I've been playing a lot of love songs lately. I've missed you.

最近总在弹情歌，我好想你。

Phoebe

I've missed you too.

我也想你。

(Silence)

（沉默）

Monica

You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!

我来的时候，看到一个醉鬼吐了，一只鸽子居然吃了！

Chandler

Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... (looks at laptop screen)..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?

嘿罗斯，我来道歉……（看电脑屏幕）别告诉我你真的做了我同性恋的照片？

Ross

uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen)

嗯，你自己看。（钱德勒坐下看屏幕）

Chandler

Huh! So that's what I would look like if I worked out... and was being serviced by a policeman. You're not actually going to send these out are ya?

哈！我健身后长这样？还和警察……你不会真的发出去吧？

Ross

Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?

不会，没必要了，你那个“罗斯死了”的玩笑没用，没人理。没人在网站留言，没人给我爸妈打电话，所以该尴尬的是你。没人打电话、没人留言、没人在乎我死了。（沉默）天啊！居然没人在乎我死了？！

Chandler

No, come on, you know that's not true.

别这么说，你知道不是这样的。

Ross

What are you talking about? You get sixty responses just for coming out of the closet! I didn't get one response! And I'm dead!

你还好意思说？你出柜都有六十条回复，我死了居然一条都没有！

Chandler

Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community.

毕竟同性恋群体比死人活跃多了。

Ross

I can't believe this. Not even my geology lab partner? And I carried that guy! (gets up from his sofa)

太离谱了，连我地质实验搭档都没来？我还帮过他大忙呢！（从沙发上站起来）

Chandler

Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.

咱们理性点，你觉得这种时候，大家会去打扰你家人吗？会在网上发悼词吗？不是没人在乎，是大家没找到合适的方式表达悲伤。

Ross

You're right. There isn't a decent outlet.

你说得对，确实没有。

Chandler

Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.

是啊，我敢肯定，你要是办葬礼或者追悼会，肯定很多人来。

Ross

Exactly!! (sits back down at his laptop and starts typing)

没错！！（坐回电脑前开始打字）

Chandler

Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? (looks at laptop screen)You're having a memorial service for yourself!?

罗斯，你……你在干嘛？（看屏幕）你居然给自己办追悼会？！

Ross

No! That would be stupid! You're having it for me!

不是，太傻了！是你帮我办！

Chandler

Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !

别发送，别发……！

Ross

oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man...

来不及了，发出去了……哦对了，你和警察的照片也一起发了……

Rachel

I'm trying to put Emma down for a nap, have you seen Hugsy?

我哄爱玛睡觉，你看到企鹅先生了吗？

Joey

Original or crappy?

旧的还是新的？

Rachel

Original.

旧的。

Joey

No, sorry haven't seen him.

没看到。

Rachel

Then what's that big lump under your covers?

那你被子底下鼓鼓的是什么？

Joey

It's Monica, ok?

是莫妮卡，行了吧？

Rachel

That's not Monica!

才不是莫妮卡！

Joey

Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him..

好吧！是旧企鹅先生！我知道爱玛想要，但它是我的，我离不开它……

Rachel

(to herself) Oh God.

（自言自语）天啊。

Joey

... she's being unreasonable!

她太不讲理了！

Rachel

(yelling) Joey, there is a reason that Emma loves that stupid penguin so much (Joey covers Hugsy's ears) Oh don't cover its ears! (stops yelling) It's because it reminds her of her uncle Joey!

（大喊）乔伊，爱玛这么喜欢这只企鹅是有原因的（乔伊捂住企鹅耳朵）别捂它耳朵！（压低声音）因为它长得像乔伊叔叔！

Joey

It does?

真的？

Rachel

Yeah! And she's comforted by him because she loves her uncle Joey so much.

是啊！她抱着企鹅有安全感，因为她超爱乔伊叔叔。

Joey

Really? She... she loves me?

真的？她……她爱我？

Rachel

Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever (She leaves the room).

当然！但你要是需要企鹅先生，爱玛会理解的，我可不……随便你吧。（离开房间）

Joey

Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him.

等等等等，瑞，如果企鹅先生对爱玛这么重要……那给她好了。

Rachel

Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. (Turns to face Emma in the the playpen) Look Emma, look who's baaack!

好暖心，我就知道乔伊叔叔最棒。（转向围栏里的爱玛）看爱玛，谁回来了！

Joey

Look forget it forget it... I can't do it.

算了算了，我舍不得。

Rachel

Are you gonna... you're going to take Hugsy away from a little child?

你居然要从小孩手里抢走企鹅先生？

Joey

How do you think I got him in the first place?

我当初就是这么拿到它的！

(Monica is getting up from the couch)

（莫妮卡准备起身）

Monica

Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it.

黏液、真菌、还有我和罗斯在一起的画面。

Mike

I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.

我好想你！我不求复合，我知道我们想要的不一样，我只想再陪你一晚。

Phoebe

I know, I want that too, but IS that going to make it too hard?

我也是，但这样会不会更难放下？

Mike

It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.

不会比现在更难……如果我早知道上次见面就是永别，我会记住你的脸、你的一举一动、你的一切。如果早知道上次吻你是最后一次，我永远都不会停下。

Monica

(running back into the room) Kiss him, you fool!!

（冲回房间）快吻他，笨蛋！

Phoebe

What?

什么？

Monica

Didn't you hear that speech? If you don't kiss him then I will!

没听到他说的话吗？你不吻他我可要吻了！

Phoebe

Oh, I missed you so much! (she kisses Mike)

我好想你！（吻麦克）

Strange man

(he bounds into the house) I knew you'd be here!

（冲进屋里）我就知道你在这儿！

Mike

Oh, crap!

糟了！

Phoebe

Who is this?

他是谁？

Mike

My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.

我朋友曼尼，我让他看着我别来找你。

Monica

Hi, that's what I'm doing for Phoebe!

巧了，我也是这么帮菲比的！

Manny

Well, you are not doing a very good job!

你做得可不怎么样！

Monica

Excuse me?

你说什么？

Manny

What's with the kissing?

那他们接吻怎么回事？

Monica

Hey, at least I knew where my guy was.

至少我没让我看的人跑掉。

Manny

Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing!

是啊，多亏你在这儿盯着他们接吻！

Monica

You didn't hear the speech!

你没听到他说的话！

Manny

I've heard the speech: (in a mocking voice) "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... "

（模仿语气）“如果他知道上次见面是最后一次……”

Monica

Hey, it was very moving! You're just heartless!

特别感人！你就是冷血！

Manny

You're weak!

你心软！

Monica

You're... weird!

你……怪胎！

Manny

Your pants are undone!

你裤子拉链没拉！

Monica

Oh (realizes her pants are undone and zips them up)!

哦！（赶紧拉上拉链）

Manny

(looking at the sofa) Where did they go?

（看向沙发）人呢？

Monica

Damn it!

该死！

Manny

Oh we blew it. I blame myself.

搞砸了，都怪我。

Monica

And I blame you too.

我也怪你。

Ross

It's been an hour and not one of my classmates has shown up! I tell you, when I actually die some people are gonna get seriously haunted!

都一小时了，一个同学都没来！我告诉你，我真死了，肯定要找几个人闹鬼！

(someone knocks on the door)

（有人敲门）

Chandler

There you go! Someone came!

来了来了！有人来了！

Ross

Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner! (he hides in the bedroom and closes the door)

好好！我躲起来！太激动了，第一个悼念我的人！（躲进卧室，关上门）

(Chandler and Monica go open the door)

（钱德勒和莫妮卡去开门）

Monica

Hi, glad you could come.

嗨，谢谢你能来。

Chandler

(in a mournful voice) Please, come in.

（悲伤语气）请进。

Tom

Hi, you're Chandler Bing, right? I'm Tom Gordon, I was in your class.

嗨，你是钱德勒·宾吧？我是汤姆·戈登，咱们同班。

Chandler

Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat.

对对……我帮你拿外套。

Tom

Thanks... uh... I'm so sorry about Ross, it's...

谢谢……对于罗斯的事，我很遗憾……

Chandler

At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)

至少他是做着喜欢的事去世的……看飞艇。（走进卧室）

Ross

Who is he?

谁啊？

Chandler

Some guy, Tom Gordon.

一个叫汤姆·戈登的人。

Ross

I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door)

我不记得了，不过我影响过太多人。（两人贴在门上偷听）

Monica

So, did you know Ross well?

你和罗斯很熟吗？

Tom

Oh, actually I barely knew him. Yeah, I came because I heard Chandler's news. D'you know if he's seeing anyone?

其实不太熟。我来是因为听说了钱德勒的事，他现在有对象吗？

Monica

(a bit surprised) Yes, he is. Me.

（有点惊讶）有，我就是。

Tom

What? You... You... Oh! Can I ask you a personal question? Ho-how do you shave your beard so close?

什么？你……哦！能问个私人问题吗？你胡子怎么刮得这么干净？

Chandler

(entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)

（走进来，很生气）好了汤姆，悼念够了！走吧，再见！！（把他推出门）

Tom

(before leaving) Hey, listen. Call me.

（临走前）记得联系我。

Chandler

Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom)

好！（关上门）

Ross

(coming in) I'm dead and no one cares?

（出来）我死了都没人在乎？

Monica

I look like a man??

我长得像男人？？

Chandler

Please, one ridiculous problem at a time!

拜托，一次解决一个离谱问题！

Ross

It isn't ridiculous, look around! No one's here!

一点都不离谱，你看！没人来！

Chandler

You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!

你只提前一天通知，班里不是所有人都天天上网。至于莫妮卡……可能是你站姿的问题！

Ross

Yes, you're right. Still somebody must have seen it... I mean, I went to that school for 4 years, I didn't have an impact on anyone?

你说得对，但肯定有人看到了……我在那所学校待了四年，就没给任何人留下一点印象吗？

Chandler

Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something?

不是的，你影响了我。十五年了，我们还是最好的朋友，这还不够吗？

Ross

(sceptical) Yeah...

（半信半疑）也是……

(someone knocks on the door)

（有人敲门）

Ross

Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!

太好了，又一个找钱德勒的！

Chandler

I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)

肯定是找你的，快去躲起来。（罗斯又躲进卧室）

(Chandlers opens the door. A beautiful woman stands at the doorway.)

（钱德勒开门，门口站着一个漂亮女人）

Kori

Hi. I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial service.

嗨，我来参加罗斯·盖勒的追悼会。

Chandler

Kori? Kori Weston?

科里？科里·韦斯顿？

Kori

Yeah...

嗯……

Chandler

Wow! You look amazing!

哇！你真美！

Kori

And you are...

你是……

Chandler

Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all.

钱德勒，钱德勒·宾。我不是同性恋，真的不是。

Monica

You are married though.

但你结婚了。

Chandler

Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in)

别理他，他今天心情不好！（请她进来）

Kori

I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is just so sad.

不敢相信罗斯走了，太难过了。

Chandler

I didn't know Ross and you were so close.

没想到你和罗斯关系这么好。

Kori

We weren't but we had one class together. He was such a great guy and he talked so passionately about science. I always remembered him.

我们不熟，只一起上过一节课。他人很好，谈起科学特别有热情，我一直记得他。

Chandler

I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.

他听到肯定很开心。天堂要是有门，他现在肯定正贴着门认真听呢。

Kori

I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. I guess I really missed my chance.

我好几次想打电话约他，看来是没机会了。

Ross

(he bounds into the lounge room) But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people!

（冲出来）你还有机会！我没死！！科里，我知道你很意外，说来话长，但你说的话太让我开心了！你能来，比满屋子人都重要！

Kori

You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)

你个变态！谁会做这种事？我居然曾经喜欢你！（摔门离开）

Ross

Did you hear that? Kori Weston had a crush on me!!

听到没？科里·韦斯顿居然喜欢我！！

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Ross

(on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?

（打电话）妈，我没死。我知道这不能开玩笑，就是我和钱德勒闹着玩的，没事了。（停顿）就算我真死了，你也不是没孩子。（停顿）莫妮卡不算吗？

END

结束