The One With The Mugging

Chandler

(excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what...

（兴奋）大伙，大伙，我有好消息！猜猜看……

Joey

Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?!

呃，啊，莫妮卡怀孕了？！

Monica

(shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment.

（震惊）真的？（她环顾四周，突然尴尬）别提这茬了。

Phoebe

What's your news?

你有什么好消息？

Chandler

Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers)

谢啦。我找着份广告行业的工作。（众人欢呼）

Monica

(hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible!

（拥抱钱德）哦，亲爱的，太棒了！

Phoebe

(inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people...(defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her)

（好奇）天呐，工资多少呀？（众人不满地盯着她）哎呀，别这样嘛……（辩解）说真的，要是我不知道谁赚得最多，我怎么知道我最喜欢谁！（看向乔伊）嘿，乔伊！（乔伊朝她眨眨眼）

Chandler

Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship.

其实没工资，是实习岗位。

Joey

Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'.

哦，挺酷的。我们《我们的日子》剧组也有实习生。

Chandler

Right. So, it'll be the same except...less sex with you. (Joey nods)

对，差不多，就是……少了跟你上床这茬。（乔伊点点头）

Ross

So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there?

那，呃，你觉得他们会让你在那儿干啥？

Chandler

Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like.

是个培训项目，不过最后他们会录用看中的人。

Phoebe

(enthusiastic) That's great.

（热情）那太好了。

Chandler

Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating

是啊，估计会做些底层杂活，肯定挺糟的，你想啊，一个大男人给人端咖啡，有点丢人。

(At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler)

（与此同时，冈瑟把一杯咖啡放到钱德面前）

Chandler

(grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble!

（尴尬地笑）丢人，但高尚！

(Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving)

（冈瑟恶狠狠地瞪了他一眼，转身离开）

Ross

You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising.

你说，要是我现在没工作，我肯定能在广告行业干得特别好。

Monica

Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?"

罗斯，“喝牛奶了吗？”可不是你想出来的。

Ross

Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!

是我！就是我！（失望地转向乔伊）我当初该记下来的！

Joey

(entering) Hey!

（走进来）嘿！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Where's Chandler? I wanna wish him good luck on his first day. (Monica smiles) .. and I smelled bacon. (taking some)

钱德呢？我想祝他第一天上班好运。（莫妮卡笑了笑）……而且我闻到培根味了。（拿起一块）

Monica

He just left.

他刚走。

Joey

(puzzled) Who did? (Monica looks bewildered)

（困惑）谁刚走？（莫妮卡一脸茫然）

Rachel

(entering) Joey! You never gonna believe it: she called.

她打电话来了。

Joey

(standing up, surprised) She did?

（惊讶地站起来）真的？

Rachel

(enthusiastic) You got it!

（兴奋）你拿到机会了！

Joey

(still surprised) I did?

（依旧惊讶）我拿到了？

Monica

What is she talking about?

她在说什么？

Joey

I don't know, but it sounds great.

不知道，但听着是好事。

Rachel

Your agent called. You got that audition.

你经纪人打来的，你拿到试镜机会了。

Joey

With Lennart Haze?

和莱纳特·黑斯一起？

Rachel

Yes.

对。

Joey

Oh my god, that is great! That is for a play on broadway...and in a real theatre, not that little one underneath the dally like last time.

天呐，太棒了！是百老汇的一部话剧……还是在正经剧院演，不是上次那种藏在巷子里的小破剧场。

Monica

Is it a good play?

这剧好看吗？

Joey

Well, it must be, because I read and I didn't understand a singe word.

肯定好看，我看了剧本，结果一个字都没看懂。

Rachel

Yeah, and Lennart Haze is starring in it...

而且莱纳特·黑斯是主演……

Joey

Yeah, yeah, and directing.

对，对，还是导演。

Monica

(sighs) He was so good in that movie of MacBeth.

（感叹）他演的《麦克白》太绝了。

Rachel

(disbelieving) You saw that?

（难以置信）你看过？

Monica

No, but...I saw the previews. They played it right before Jackass.

没有，但……我看过预告片，就在《蠢蛋搞怪秀》前面播的。

Rachel and Joey

(pointing at Monica, a look of recognition in their faces) Ah!

（指着莫妮卡，恍然大悟）啊！

Joey

Yeah, he's done some amazing works.

可不是嘛，他演过好多厉害的作品。

Rachel

Oh, yeah. Oh, I loved him in those cell phone commercials.

对啊，超爱他拍的那些手机广告。

Joey

(almost laughing) I know. When the monkey hits him in the face with that giant rubber phone. (They all laugh)

（差点笑出声）可不是嘛，就那只猴子用超大橡胶电话砸他脸的那个。（众人都笑了）

Monica

Hey! Maybe the monkey will be at the audition!

嘿！说不定那只猴子也会去试镜现场呢！

Joey

(sitting down) Don't make me more nervous than I already am!

（坐下）别再说了，我本来就够紧张了！

Chandler

(entering) Good morning, everybody.

（走进来）各位早上好。

Intern

Can I get you a cup of coffee, Sir?

先生，要给您来杯咖啡吗？

Chandler

Oh, no, no, I'm an intern, just like you guys...except for the tie, the briefcase...and the fact that I can rent a car.

不用不用，我也是实习生，跟你们一样……除了我打领带、拎公文包……还有我租得起车这点。

Intern

Seriously, you're an intern?

真的假的，你是实习生？

Chandler

Yeah, well, I'm kinda heading into a new career direction and, you know, you gotta start at the bottom.

嗯，我算是转行，你知道，凡事都得从底层做起嘛。

Intern

(shaking his head disbelievingly) Dude!

（难以置信地摇头）哥们儿！

Chandler

Right. Look, I know I'm a little bit older than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope (he sits down)

可不是嘛，我知道我比你们大一点，但也不至于老得像鲍勃·霍普吧。（坐下）

(Everybody gives him an inquiring look)

（众人疑惑地看着他）

Chandler

The comedian? USO?!

就是那个喜剧演员？劳军联合组织的？！

Intern

(correcting him) Uhm, it's USA, sir.

（纠正）呃，是美国，先生。

(Chandler desperately covers his head in his hands)

（钱德尴尬地双手抱头）

Receptionist

This is Joey Tribbiani. Joey, these are the producers and, as you probably already know, this is Lennart Haze.

这位是乔伊·崔比安尼。乔伊，这几位是制片人，你应该认识这位，莱纳特·黑斯。

(Lennart Haze turns around in his chair to face Joey)

（莱纳特·黑斯从椅子上转过身，面向乔伊）

Joey

It is so amazing to meet you. (They are shaking hands) I'm such a big fan of your work.

能见到您太荣幸了。（两人握手）我超爱看您的作品。

Lennart

Well, I've...I've been blessed with a...a lot of great roles.

是啊，我……我运气好，演过不少好角色。

Joey

Tell me about it! "Unlimited nights and weekends!"

可不是嘛！“无限夜晚与周末！”

Lennart

You making fun of me? Because I am not a sell-out. (He stands up and walks menacingly towards Joey) I didn't do that for the money, I believe in those phones. I almost lost a cousin because of bad wireless service.

你在取笑我？我可不是为了钱接广告。（站起身，气势汹汹地走向乔伊）我拍那广告不是为了钱，我真心觉得那手机好。我有个表亲就是因为信号差差点出事。

Joey

No, I-I-I wasn't making fun of you, honestly, I-I think you were great in those commercials.

没有，我真没取笑您，说实话，我觉得您拍的广告超棒。

Lennart

Really?

真的？

Joey

Yeah.

真的。

Lennart

Well, I do bring a certain credibility to the role.

那倒是，我演的角色总能让人信服。

Joey

(regaining confidence) Are you kiddin'? When they shoot you out of that cannon...

（重拾信心）可不是嘛！他们把你从大炮里射出去那段……

Lennart

Peeeeeooooooooch (He mimes flying out of the cannon) "Hang up that phone!" One take!

咻——（模仿从大炮里飞出去的样子）“挂掉电话！”一条就过！

Joey

Wow!

太厉害了！

Lennart

So, shall we read?

那我们开始对戏？

Joey

Oh, yeah, sure.

好，没问题。

Lennart

Top of act two. This is my entrance. You got it?

从第二幕开头，我上场那段。清楚了吗？

(Joey nods whereupon Lennart acts as if he is entering a room)

（乔伊点头，莱纳特随即表演走进房间的动作）

Lennart

"What the hell are you still doing here"?

“你怎么还在这儿？”

(Joey stares at him, fascinated by his performance)

（乔伊盯着他，被他的表演吸引住）

Joey

Err, "I think you know".

呃，“你心里清楚。”

Lennart

"Bastard"!

“混蛋！”

Joey

"I am what you made me. You know what? I could go right now."

“是你逼我的。你知道吗？我现在就能走。”

Lennart

"Go, go!"

“走啊，走！”

Joey

"I can't. Oh, I want to, long pause, but I can't."

“我走不了。我想走，（长时间停顿）可我走不了。”

Lennart

I'm sorry, sorry. You're not supposed to say "long pause"

抱歉抱歉，你不能把“长时间停顿”说出来。

Joey

(understandingly) Oh, oh, I thought that was your character's name, you know, I thought you were like an Indian or something, you know with a...(He mimes wearing a feather on his head)

（恍然大悟）哦，我还以为那是你角色的名字呢，我以为你演的是印第安人之类的，头上插羽毛那种……（模仿头上插羽毛的动作）

Lennart

No. Thank you so much for coming in. We appreciate it, thank you.

不是。谢谢你来试镜，辛苦了。

Joey

Ah, y-y-you're sure you don't want me to do it again? I could do it with an accent, you know, Southern (He speaks in what he believes is a Southern accent) "I could go right now, maaan!"

啊，您真不让我再试一次？我可以带口音演，南方口音的那种——（模仿他以为的南方口音）“我现在就能走，老兄！”

Lennart

(stunned, muttering) My god in heaven.

（震惊，喃喃自语）我的天呐。

(The producers stand up)

（制片人站起身）

Producer #1: Joey, hang on for a second. Lennart, can we talk to you for a moment?

制片人1：乔伊，稍等一下。莱纳特，我们能借一步说话吗？

(They stand aside, talking)

（几人走到一旁交谈）

Lennart

You, you gotta be kidding. See, h-he, he can't act. (Joey hears that and his disappointment is reflected in his facial expression).

你们开玩笑吧，他根本不会演戏。（乔伊听到这话，脸上露出失望的神情）

(Producer #1 whispers something)

（制片人1低声说了几句）

Lennart

Hey! I-I-I don't care if he's hot, you know. If you want to sleep with him, do it on your own time. (Joey smiles smugly at this) This is a play. No, listen: if you insist on this, I will call my agent so fast on a cell phone that has a connection that is so clear he's gonna think I'm next door.

喂！我不管他长得帅不帅，你们想跟他上床，私下里去。（乔伊得意地笑了笑）这是话剧！听着，你们非要用他，我立马给我经纪人打电话，用信号超好的手机打，他肯定以为我就在隔壁。

(Joey approaches them)

（乔伊走上前）

Joey

(interrupting their conversation) Ah, hi, ah. Thank you so much for whispering for my benefit, but, ah, look, if you just tell me what I did wrong, I'd just love to work on it and come back and try it again for you. And, and also: (to Producer #1) 'How you doing?' (to Lennart again) You should, please, just gimme another chance. I really wanna get better, please.

（打断他们的谈话）嗨，不好意思，谢谢你们特意小声说话。但你们要是告诉我哪里演得不好，我肯定改，再回来试一次。还有，（对制片人1）你好呀？（再对莱纳特）求您再给我一次机会吧，我真的想演好。

Lennart

Well, if you wanna come back at the end of the day today, here are my notes. Ready?

那你要是今天傍晚再来一趟，我给你提点建议，行吗？

Joey

Yeah.

行。

Lennart

Uhm, you're in your head. You-you're thinking way too much.

你太依赖脑子了，想太多。

Joey

I really doubt that.

我可不这么觉得。

Lennart

(explaining to Joey, who nods fervently.) No, no, no. It's that you're not connected with anything in your body. There's no urgency. The scene is a struggle, uhm, it's a race. Also, what you did was horizontal. Don't be afraid to explore the vertical. And don't learn the words. Let the words learn you.

（给乔伊解释，乔伊用力点头）不是，你没把情绪和身体结合起来，一点紧迫感都没有。这场戏是冲突，是博弈。而且你的表演太平了，试着往深了演。别死记台词，让台词融入你。

(Joey ponders on this for a while)

（乔伊琢磨了一会儿）

Joey

(suggesting.) Couldn't I just sleep with the producer?

（提议）那我直接跟制片人上床行不行？

Phoebe

Hey, do you wanna go to dinner tonight?

嘿，今晚一起吃晚饭吗？

Ross

Oh, I can't. I've got a date with that waitress, Katy, yeah, I know we've been only going out like twice, but I have a really good feeling about her.

不行，我跟那个女招待凯蒂有约。我们才约会两次，但我感觉她特别好。

Phoebe

Oh, I hear divorce bells.

哟，我都听见离婚的钟声了。

(A mugger, his face hidden by a cap, approaches them from behind)

（一个用帽子遮脸的劫匪从身后靠近他们）

Mugger

Alright. Just give me your wallets and there won't be a problem.

好了，把钱包交出来，不然有你们好看。

Ross

(taken aback) What?

（吓了一跳）什么？

Mugger

I have a gun (It looks like he has a gun under his coat)

我有枪。（外套底下看起来藏着枪）

Ross

O-ok. Just relax, Phoene, just stay calm. (He searches his coat and freaks out). Oh my god, I can't find my wallet.

好、好。菲比，别慌，冷静点。（翻外套，慌了）天呐，我找不到钱包了。

(He finally finds the wallet and hands it to the mugger)

（终于找到钱包，递给劫匪）

Mugger

Alright, lady, now give me your purse!

好了，女士，把包交出来！

Phoebe

No.

不给。

Ross

(still in a high-pitched voice) What do you mean "no"? I knew you'd be my death, Phoebe Buffay.

（尖声）你说什么不给？我就知道你早晚害死我，菲比·布费。

(A sign of recognition runs across Phoebe's face)

（菲比脸上露出认出对方的神情）

Phoebe

Lowell, is that you?

洛厄尔？是你吗？

Lowell

Phoebe? (He lifts his cap) Oh my god!

菲比？（摘下帽子）天呐！

Phoebe

(simultaneously) Oh my god!

（同时）天呐！

(They hug and scream)

（两人相拥尖叫）

Phoebe

(excited) I'm sorry, Ross, this is my old friend Lowell from the streets. Lowell, Ross.

（兴奋）抱歉啊罗斯，这是我以前在街上认识的朋友洛厄尔。洛厄尔，这是罗斯。

Lowell

Ross, nice to meet you. (He stretches his hand out to him)

罗斯，幸会。（伸手和罗斯握手）

Ross

Yeah, a real pleasure.

嗯，幸会。

Phoebe

Ah, it's been so long, so long. (They hug again) I can't believe you're still doing this!

好久没见了，太久了。（再次拥抱）没想到你还干这个！

Lowell

Oh, I know, but I quit smoking!

可不是嘛，但我戒烟了！

Phoebe

Good for you!

厉害！

Lowell

So you look like you're doing really well! I guess you're mugging days are behind you?

你现在过得挺好啊，不打劫了吧？

Phoebe

Uh-huh.(she nods)

嗯。（点头）

Ross

(shocked) Oh my god. Phoebe, you used to mug people?

（震惊）天呐，菲比，你以前打劫过人？

Phoebe

Excuse me, Ross, old friends catching up...

不好意思啊罗斯，老朋友叙旧呢……

Monica

Hey, how did the audition go?

嘿，试镜怎么样？

Joey

Well, they wanna see me again this afternoon, but, err, well, Lennart Haze did not like me. (He sits down)

他们让我下午再去一趟，不过莱纳特·黑斯不太满意我。（坐下）

Monica

What happened?

怎么回事？

Joey

Well, he said I wasn't urgent enough, you know, and that everything I did was horizontal and I should be more vertical. Oh, and he said that I should think less.

他说我没紧迫感，表演太平了，要往深了演。还让我少想点。

Monica

So far so good! (Joey nods)

那这建议挺适合你的！（乔伊点头）

Chandler

(entering, carrying a large box) Honey, I'm old!

（抱着大盒子走进来）亲爱的，我老了！

Monica

(standing up, walking towards him) What's wrong?

（起身走向他）怎么了？

Chandler

I am so much older than these other interns. I can't compete with them.

我比其他实习生老太多了，根本比不过他们。

Monica

So you're a little older. Try to look at the positive: You have all this life experience.

年纪大一点而已，往好处想，你人生阅历丰富啊。

Chandler

Yes, but I don't think life experience with these. (He opens the box and takes an inline skate-like sneaker out)

是丰富，但跟这没关系。（打开盒子，拿出一双轮滑鞋样式的运动鞋）

Joey

Wooooooooow (He takes the sneaker) It's like they're on fire!

哇——（拿起鞋子）看着超酷！

Monica

What are they? (They sit down again.)

这是什么？（几人重新坐下）

Chandler

They're these prototype sneakers and come up with ideas on how to sell them which I can't do because no self-respecting adult would ever where these.

是运动鞋样品，让我想推销点子呢。可我想不出来，正经成年人谁穿这玩意儿。

Joey

(determined) I'll give you $500 for them!

（坚定）我出500块买一双！

Chandler

What am I supposed to do with these?

我该怎么推销啊？

Monica

Ah, come on, sneakers are easy. You wear sneakers all the time.

哎呀，运动鞋好推销，你不也总穿嘛。

Chandler

Well, first of all, they're not called "sneakers" anymore. Apparently, they're called "kicks" or "skids" and I think I heard somebody say "slorps". (He takes a sneaker) And here, look: they've got these wheels to pop out from the bottom so you can roll around 'cause, apparently, walking is too much exercise. Kids, kids, roll your way to childhood obesity! (to Monica) Would you help me try to sell these?

首先，现在不叫“运动鞋”了，人家叫“潮鞋”“滑鞋”，我还听人叫“飞鞋”呢。（拿起一只鞋）你看，鞋底能弹出轮子，能滑着走，说走路太累。孩子们啊，滑着滑着就变成小胖墩了！（对莫妮卡）帮我想想推销点子呗？

Monica

Okay, have you considered using a girl with huge knockers?

要不找个胸大的女孩拍广告？

Chandler

No, I don't think that's the kinda thing they're looking for.

不行，客户肯定不想要这种风格。

Joey

Hey, that'd work on me! Why did I get to buy Mrs. Butterwords?

我就吃这一套！不然我怎么会买巴特沃斯夫人的黄油！

All

Hey, hey!

嘿！

Ross

Hey, you'll never guess what just happened...Phoebe and I got mugged!

嘿，你们绝对想不到，我和菲比被打劫了！

Monica

You okay?!

你们没事吧？！

Ross

(sitting down) Yeah, because Phoebe knew the mugger!

（坐下）没事，因为菲比认识那个劫匪！

Monica

(bewildered) How do you know a mugger?

（困惑）你怎么会认识劫匪？

Phoebe

I'm sorry I have friends outside the six of us.

不好意思，除了你们五个，我还有别的朋友。

Ross

You wanna know how she knew him? (He points at Phoebe) Because Phoebe used to mug people.

想知道怎么认识的吗？（指向菲比）因为菲比以前打劫过人。

Monica

(shocked) Seriously?

（震惊）真的？

Phoebe

Well, I'm not proud of it, but, you know...sometimes when I was living on the street and I needed money for food and stuff I...

我也不觉得光荣，但我以前流落街头时，没钱买吃的，就……

Monica

(disapproving) Phoebe, that is awful!

（不满）菲比，这太过分了！

Phoebe

Well, ok, I wasn't rich like you guys, ok, I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony...I had a hard life, my mother was killed by a drug dealer...

我可没你们有钱，没吃过山珍海味，也没有小马骑……我过得很苦，我妈被毒贩杀了……

Monica

You're mother killed herself!

你妈是自杀的！

Phoebe

She was a drug dealer!

她就是毒贩！

Ross

Well, anyway, it was a good thing Phoebe knew the knew him, because (menacingly) I was about to do some serious damage!

反正幸好菲比认识他，不然我肯定要好好收拾他！

Phoebe

(laughing) Okay...

（笑）得了吧……

Monica

Well, this must've brought back some really bad memories for you, Ross.

这事肯定勾起你不好的回忆了，罗斯。

Phoebe

Why?

为啥？

Monica

Well, Ross was mugged as a kid.

罗斯小时候被打劫过。

Phoebe

(worried) You were?

（担心）真的？

Ross

Yeah, it was pretty traumatic. I was outside St. Marc's Comics...you know, I-I-I was just there minding my own business, you know, seeing what kinda trouble Spiderman got into that week-

嗯，留下心理阴影了。当时我在圣马克漫画店门口，就乖乖待着，看蜘蛛侠这周又遇到啥麻烦了——

Monica

(coughing) Wonderwoman!

（咳嗽）是神奇女侠！

Ross

Anyway, I was heading towards this bakery, you know, to pick up a couple of dozen Linzer torts for someone...(He looks at Monica) ...when outta nowhere this thug with a pipe jumps out and says: "Gimme your money, punk!"

“把钱交出来，小不点！”

Phoebe

(shocked) Oh my god...

（震惊）天呐……

Ross

I know! And-and the worst part was they took my backpack which had all the original artwork I had done for my own comic book: "Science Boy"

可不是嘛！最惨的是他抢走了我的书包，里面全是我自己画的漫画原稿，叫《科学小子》。

Monica

Oh yeah! What was his superpower again?

哦对！他的超能力是什么来着？

Ross

A superhuman thirst for knowledge.

超强求知欲。

Monica

That's it.

就这？

Ross

Well, I-I better get to class (He stands up) Are there any more of your friends I should look out for on my way, Phoebe?

我该去上课了。（起身）菲比，我路上还得提防你其他朋友吗？

Phoebe

No...actually, you might wanna stay away from Jane street...that's where Stabby Joe works.

不用……不过离简街远点，刺人乔在那儿干活。

(Ross leaves Central Perk.)

（罗斯离开中央珀克咖啡馆）

Phoebe

Okay, I think we have a problem here.

坏了，出大事了。

Monica

What?

怎么了？

Phoebe

Well, uhm, back in my mugging days, you know, I, uhm, I worked St. Marc's Comics.

我以前打劫时，常在圣马克漫画店附近活动。

Monica

Yeah?

然后呢？

Phoebe

Well, a pipe was my weapon of choice and, uhm, pre-teen comic book nerds were my meat.

我就用管子当武器，专挑十几岁的漫画迷下手。

Monica

So?

所以？

Phoebe

Well, there was this one kid who had a sticker on his backpack that said-

有个小孩书包上贴着个贴纸，写着——

Phoebe and Monica

"Geology rocks!"

“地质学超赞！”

Monica

Oh my god!

天呐！

Phoebe

I know...I mugged Ross!

没错……是我打劫了罗斯！

Receptionist

You're late!

你迟到了！

Joey

(entering) I know, I'm sorry, but can I just have a quick second to run to the bathroom?

（走进来）我知道，抱歉，我能先去趟洗手间吗？

Receptionist

No, Lennart doesn't wait!

不行，莱纳特从不等人！

Joey

But I'm bursting with u-hu!

我快憋不住了！

Lennart

(spotting Joey) Joey! Here we go. Let's go very quickly!

（看到乔伊）乔伊！来吧，抓紧时间！

Joey

Actually, I really need...

我真的得……

Lennart

(interrupting) We must go now, quickly, please.

（打断）现在开始，快点。

Joey

Yes...ahahaaa (He seems to be in pain)

好……啊哈（一脸难受）

Lennart

Ready? "What the hell are you still doing here?"

准备好了吗？“你怎么还在这儿？”

Joey

(walking on the spot) "I think you know!"

（原地踱步）“你心里清楚！”

Lennart

"Oh, you sick bastard!"

“你这个变态混蛋！”

Joey

"I am what you made me! You know what?"

“是你逼我的！你知道吗？”

Lennart

"What?"

“什么？”

Joey

"I could go right now."

“我现在就能走。”

Lennart

"Then go, go!"

“那就走啊！”

Joey

(urgent) "I, oh, I can't. I want to, but I can't!"

（急切）“我走不了！我想走，可我走不了！”

Lennart

Cut! That was good. (He turns to the producers) That was very good. You did everything I asked for.

停！不错，演得很好，完全按我说的做了。

Joey

(disbelieving) I did?

（难以置信）真的？

Lennart

Yes. Plus...what you've got that...I don't know what you've got going...this squirmy quality that you bring into the character that I couldn't've even imagined. Wow, hey, here's what we gonna do: come back tomorrow for the final callbacks with the , do all of this what you've got going now, but - you know what? - more, more. Can you do that?

真的。而且……你身上有种特别的劲儿，说不上来，那种扭捏的感觉，给角色加了意想不到的东西。明天来参加最终复试，就保持现在这个状态，再夸张点，行吗？

Joey

Sure, yeah. I don't have time to say thank you because I really gotta go. (He grabs his jacket and limps out of the room)

行，没问题。我没空道谢了，我真得走了。（抓起外套，一瘸一拐地离开）

Lennart

(watching Joey leave) Look at that: still in character, I like it...I plant seeds I can't explain.

（看着乔伊离开）你看，还沉浸在角色里，我喜欢……我总能发掘出意想不到的好苗子。

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

What are you doing?

干嘛呢？

Chandler

Putting on the sneakers...thought I'd get into a younger mindset, you know, to see if it sparked anything...

试穿这鞋呢，想找找年轻人的感觉，看能不能想出点子……

Rachel

Oh, anything yet?

有灵感了吗？

Chandler

Yes, how's this: They're so uncomfortable it's like getting kicked in the nuts for your feet!

这鞋穿着太难受了，跟脚被踢了似的！

(At that moment, Joey opens the door)

（这时乔伊开门进来）

Joey

(entering) Hey!

嘿！

All

Hey!

嘿！

(Joey heads straight for the fridge, takes all the beverage cans and is about to leave the apartment)

（乔伊径直走向冰箱，拿出所有饮料罐，准备离开）

Joey

Probably wanna know what I'm doing…?

你们肯定好奇我干嘛呢？

Monica

No, that seems about right.

不好奇，挺正常的。

Joey

Yesterday at my audition, I really had to pee, and apparently, having to pee makes me a really good actor. I got a call-back, so I'm drinking everything. Oh, by the way, that egg nog in our fridge was great!

昨天试镜时我特别想上厕所，结果发现憋尿能让我演技爆棚。我拿到复试机会了，所以现在猛喝水。对了，冰箱里的蛋奶酒真好喝！

Rachel

Joey, that was formula.

乔伊，那是婴儿奶粉。

Joey

We gotta get more of that. (He leaves the apartment)

那得多囤点。（离开公寓）

Chandler

(sitting on the couch) You know what...these aren't half-bad! (to Rachel) You should suggest something like these to Ralph Lauren.

（坐在沙发上）其实这鞋还不错！（对瑞秋）你该给拉夫·劳伦推荐这种款式。

Rachel

Okay, first of all, that's stupid and second of all, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph.

首先，这想法很蠢；其次，我没资格跟拉夫说话。

Chandler

Alright (He stands wearing the sneakers on) I feel younger already!

好吧。（穿着鞋子站起来）我都感觉自己变年轻了！

(He trips and falls hard on his back)

（他绊倒，重重摔在地上）

Chandler

(on the floor) yeah, I think I broke my hip.

（躺在地上）完了，我髋骨好像摔断了。

Phoebe

(spotting Ross) Hey, you!

（看到罗斯）嘿，你！

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hey, how was class?

课上得怎么样？

Ross

No one ever asked me that, what's wrong?

从来没人问过我这个，怎么了？

Phoebe

Nothing, I really wanna know.

没事，就是想问问。

Ross

Oh...(He looks positively surprised) Well, uhm, there was actually a rather lively discussion about the Pleistocene...

哦……（一脸惊喜）其实我们讨论更新世来着，还挺热闹……

Phoebe

(interrupting) Alright, nothing is worth this. Uhm, I have a confession to make...uhm, okay, you know, that girl that mugged you when you were a kid...

（打断）行了，别跟我扯这个。我有件事要坦白……你小时候被一个女孩打劫过对吧？

Ross

(disbelieving.) Wh-What are you talking about? It wasn't a girl. It was this huge dude.

（难以置信）你说什么？不是女孩，是个大块头男的。

Phoebe

You don't have to lie anymore, Ross, I know that it was a fourteen year-old girl.

别装了罗斯，我知道是个14岁的女孩。

Ross

No, it wasn't.

不是。

Phoebe

Yes, it was.

就是。

Ross

No, it wasn't. You don't think I would've defended myself against a fourteen year-old...

才不是，我怎么可能打不过一个14岁的……

Phoebe

(interrupting, pinching his year) "Gimme your money, punk!"

（打断，捏着他的耳朵）“把钱交出来，小不点！”

Ross

(shocked) Oh my god, it was you! I can't believe it, you...you mugged me?

（震惊）天呐，是你！我不敢相信，是你打劫了我？

Phoebe

(apologetic) Yeah, and I'm so, so sorry, Ross, I'm sorry, but, you know, if you think about it, it's kinda neat. (She smiles at him, but he doesn't understand) I mean, well, it's just that I I've always felt kinda like an outsider, you know, the rest of you have these connections that go way back and, you know, now, you and I have...have a great one!

（愧疚）是我，真的特别对不起你。但你想想，这事还挺特别的。（冲罗斯笑，罗斯一脸不解）我一直觉得自己跟你们格格不入，你们从小就认识，现在我和你也有专属回忆了！

Ross

It's not the best!

这回忆一点都不好！

Phoebe

I know, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I don't know what to say...

我知道，对不起，原谅我吧，我都不知道说啥了……

Ross

There's nothing you can say. That was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me.

说啥都没用，这是我这辈子最丢脸的事。

Phoebe

Really? Even more humiliating than...

真的？比……还丢脸？

Ross

(interrupting) Hey, let's not do this!

（打断）别再说了！

(He picks up his briefcase and walks out of the door, leaving Phoebe behind)

（拿起公文包离开，留下菲比一人）

Intern

...and then, at the end of the commercial, the girls get out of the hut tub and start making out with each other!

……广告最后，女孩们从热水浴缸里出来，互相亲热！

Boss

(ironic) That's interesting! Just one thought: You didn't mention the shoes. Who's next? (Chandler raises his hand) Chander...

全程没提鞋子。下一个？（钱德举手）钱德……

Chandler

Okay...(He stands up) You start on the image of a guy putting on the shoes. He's about my age...

好的。（站起来）画面开头是一个男人穿这双鞋，年纪跟我差不多……

Intern

(snorting) Your age?

（嗤笑）跟你差不多？

Chandler

A-huh. So he's rolling down the street and he starts to lose control, you know...maybe he falls...maybe hurts himself. Just then, a kid comes flying by wearing the shoes. He jumps over the old guy and laughs, and the line reads: "Not suitable for adults!"

“成年人慎穿！”

Boss

Chandler, that's great!

钱德，太棒了！

Chandler

Oh, thank you, sir...or man-who's-two-years-younger-than-me (He sits down again)

谢谢老板……哦不，比我小两岁的先生。（坐下）

Boss

You see? That has a clear selling point. It appeals to our key demographic, it's…. (enthusiastic) You did you come up with that?

看到没？卖点很明确，精准击中目标人群。（兴奋）你怎么想到的？

Chandler

(over-enthusiastic) I don't know, I don' I don' know! I was just trying to get into a young mindset, you know, and it just started to flow.

（兴奋过头）我也不知道！就试着代入年轻人的想法，灵感就来了。

Boss

That is great. Good work!

太厉害了，干得好！

Chandler. Thank you.

谢谢。

Boss

See all of you tomorrow. (He leaves)

明天见。（离开）

(Chandler stands up and walks out the room with a cane.)

（钱德拄着拐杖站起来，走出房间）

Chandler

The cold weather hurts my hip!

天冷，我髋骨疼！

Phoebe

Hey, Ross! (He lowers his newspaper and scowls at her) I know you're still mad at me, but can I just talk to you for a second?

嘿，罗斯！（罗斯放下报纸，瞪着她）我知道你还生气，能跟你说句话吗？

Ross

Sure, go ahead. Whoops, sorry, sure, go ahead. (He raises his hands as if being mugged)

说吧。抱歉，说吧。（举手模仿被打劫的样子）

Phoebe

I just really wanted to apologize again and...and also show you something I think you'll find very exciting.

我就是想再跟你道歉，还有个东西给你看，你肯定会很开心。

(She puts a box on her lap, labelled "crap from the street".)

（把一个标着“街上捡的破烂”的盒子放在腿上）

Ross

(faking enthusiasm) Oh my god, crap from the street? (She smiles excitedly, but Ross just turns back to his newspaper)

（假装兴奋）天呐，街上捡的破烂？（菲比兴奋地笑了笑，罗斯重新看报纸）

Phoebe

Look, Ross, in this box are all the things I got from mugging that I thought were too special to sell...or smoke. (Ross looks at her in astonishment) Anyway, I was looking through it and I found "Science Boy" (She holds up some sheets of paperand hands them to Ross)

罗斯，这里面全是我以前打劫来的东西，舍不得卖、也舍不得换烟抽。（罗斯震惊地看着她）我翻的时候看到了《科学小子》。（拿出几张纸递给罗斯）

Ross

Oh my god. (He sighs) I never thought I'd see this again. (He browses trough the pages) It's all here. What made you save it all these years?

天呐。（叹气）没想到还能再见到。（翻看画稿）都在呢。你怎么留了这么多年？

Phoebe

I can't say, I just thought it was really good...and...maybe would be worth something some day.

说不清，就是觉得画得好……说不定哪天能值钱。

Ross

You really thought "Science Boy" was worth saving!

你真觉得《科学小子》值得留着！

Phoebe

Yeah...but you should know, I also have a jar of vaseline and a cat skull in here.

嗯……对了，这里面还有一罐凡士林和一个猫头骨。

Ross

Still...this is amazing...Oh my god, thank you, Phoebe.

不管怎么说，太惊喜了……谢谢你，菲比。

Phoebe

You're welcome. And thank you for "Science Boy". I learned a lot from him

不客气。谢谢你的《科学小子》，我从中学到了很多。

Ross

You're welcome.

不客气。

Joey

(hoping frantically on the spot, screaming) "I need an answer!"

（原地急切地蹦跳，大喊）“我要一个答案！”

Lennart

"I-I-I can't tell you somethin' I don't know."

“我不知道的事，我没法告诉你。”

Joey

"You know!"

“你知道！”

Lennart

"I don't know!"

“我不知道！”

Joey

"I need an answer now!"

“我现在就要答案！”

Lennart

"Alright, here, you want an answer...the answer...is…"

“好，你要答案……答案就是……”

(He pauses while Joey struggles to avoid wetting his pants)

（停顿，乔伊努力忍着不上厕所）

Joey

(screaming) Oh!

（大喊）哦！

Lennart

"She never loved me, she only loved you."

“她从没爱过我，她只爱你。”

Joey

"You knew this all along and you never told me? You never told me? I can never forgive you, I can never forgive myself, I have nothing to live for - Bang - End Scene!"

“你早就知道，却一直瞒着我？我永远不会原谅你，也不会原谅我自己，我活着没意义了——砰——落幕！”

Lennart

Absolutely amazing! (The producers applaud Joey) The part is yours.

太完美了！（制片人鼓掌）角色是你的了。

Joey

(in pain) Oh thanks, thanks! Now, I really have to get...

（难受）谢谢！我现在真的得……

Lennart

Wa-wa-wa-wait! Congratulations! You did it! You did it! (He hugs Joey) You can relax now. Yeah.

等等！恭喜你！成功了！（拥抱乔伊）现在可以放松了。

(Joey relaxes and wets his pants while hugging Lennart)

（乔伊一放松，抱着莱纳特时尿裤子了）

Monica

Wow, that's a big cable bill! Huh, you don't have a job, but you have no problem ordering porn...on a Saturday afternoon?! (shocked) I was in the house!

天呐，有线电视费这么贵！你没工作，还敢在周六下午看成人频道？！（震惊）我当时就在家！

Ross

(entering) Hey, uhm, Phoebe didn't by any chance mention that...

（走进来）嘿，菲比没跟你说……

Monica

...that she was the huge guy that mugged you? Yeah.

……她就是打劫你的那个大块头？说了。

Ross

I see. You didn't happen to tell...

行吧。你没跟别人说……

Monica

...everybody we know? Yeah.

……所有认识的人？说了。

Ross

Great. Thanks! (He leaves)

太好了，谢谢！（离开）

END

剧终