The One With The Blind Dates

Joey

Morning, roomy!

早上好，室友！

Rachel

Hey! You remembered to put clothes on this morning.

嗨！你今天早上居然记得穿衣服了。

Joey

Fifth day's a charm.

事不过三嘛。

Rachel

Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.

哦，乔伊，回来住真是太好了。我得说，你对我和爱玛太好了。

Joey

Hey, it's great having you back. You know, stay as long as you want, and when does she stop crying all night?

嗨，你们能回来我很高兴。想住多久住多久，对了，她什么时候才能不整晚哭啊？

(Ross enters.)

（罗斯走进来。）

Ross

Hey, you're not naked! So hey, Raych, when will we expect to see you tonight?

嘿，你居然没光着！对了，瑞秋，今晚几点回来？

Rachel

Well, I'll probably be back to pick her up around six, but she's in the bedroom all ready to go. But she did actually fall back to sleep, so...

嗯，我大概六点回来接她，她在卧室里都准备好了。不过她又睡着了，所以……

Joey

She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.

估计是昨晚哭了一整晚，累坏了。

Rachel

Bye!

再见！

(She leaves.)

（她离开。）

Ross

Bye! Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it too hard on you.

再见！嘿，希望爱玛没给你添麻烦。

Joey

No, hey, it's been great.

没有，她在这儿挺好的。

Ross

Yeah?

是吗？

Joey

Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...

是啊。而且我想跟你说，瑞秋住这儿之后，我之前对她的感觉早就没了，懂吗？就算还有，不小心撞见一个女人用吸奶器……

Ross

Yeah, that'll do it.

是啊，那感觉肯定没了。

Joey

Wow! So, how are you?

哇！那你最近怎么样？

Ross

I'm, I'm okay.

我，我挺好的。

Joey

Really?

真的？

Ross

Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.

当然，我是说，我当然希望和瑞秋一起住能有结果。我是挺失望的，但这又不是离婚。

Joey

Well, actually it...

其实这算……

Ross

No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.

不，不是离婚，绝对不是！总之，我觉得我和瑞秋该各自过自己的生活了，或许，或许可以开始和别人约会。

Joey

Wow, really?

哇，真的？

Ross

Yeah, sure, why not? In fact, if you know anyone that would be good for me...

是啊，为什么不呢？其实，你要是认识适合我的人……

Joey

Sure, I know lots of girls.

当然，我认识好多女孩。

Ross

Yeah? Any names come to mind?

是吗？想到谁了吗？

Joey

Ooh, names?

哦，名字啊？

Opening credits

片头字幕

Phoebe

Hey.

嗨。

Joey

Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?

嗨。我正准备找点吃的，你要吗？

Phoebe

What you got?

有什么吃的？

Joey

(checks the refrigerator) Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots... Ooh! Strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.

（打开冰箱）我看看，有豌豆泥、胡萝卜泥……哦！梅子泥，这个还没试过呢。

Phoebe

Goodie! Thanks. So, how is it living with Rachel again? I mean, apart from the great food.

太好了！谢谢。那重新和瑞秋住一起感觉怎么样？我是说，除了这些好吃的。

Joey

I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.

我挺好的，就是她和罗斯的事有点奇怪。你知道吗，昨天他让我帮他介绍对象。

Phoebe

Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.

天啊，瑞秋也让我帮她找对象呢。

Joey

Why are they doing this?

他们为什么要这么做？

Phoebe

I don't know. They're so perfect for each other; it's crazy.

不知道。他们明明天生一对，太离谱了。

Joey

You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?

离谱的是这些罐子吧？里面就两口的量？

Phoebe

I just wish they'd realize they should be together.

真希望他们能明白，他们就该在一起。

Joey

I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.

我懂。他们之前一起搬回来住，我还以为事情会往好的方向发展呢。

Phoebe

I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.

是啊。他们该组成一家人，结婚，再生几个孩子。

Joey

Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.

对，而且得有个孩子叫乔伊。我可能不会有孩子，总得有人继承我的姓氏。

Phoebe

You know what? Maybe once they start dating, and they see what's out there, they'll realize how good they are for each other.

你知道吗？或许他们和别人约会后，见过外面的人，就会发现彼此有多合适。

Joey

Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.

是啊，毕竟外面没什么好选择。我昨晚约会了一个，太糟了！小声点，她还在卧室里呢。

Phoebe

So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna go ahead and set them up with people?

那我们怎么办？就直接给他们安排约会吗？

Joey

I know; that just pushes them further and further apart.

不行，那样只会让他们越来越疏远。

Phoebe

Yeah. ... Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realize how good they are together.

是啊……哦，我有办法了。我们给罗斯和瑞秋安排超糟糕的约会，这样他们就会发现彼此在一起有多好。

Joey

Ooh, that's a great plan!

哦，这主意太棒了！

Phoebe

Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my "plan-laugh." (A maniacal laugh follows.)

是啊，你知道最棒的是什么吗？我可以来个“计划得逞笑”。（一阵疯狂的笑声。）

(They both start laughing really loudly.)

（两人一起大笑起来。）

Joey

Shhh! Not so loud, we don't wanna wake up, uh...

嘘！小声点，别吵醒了，呃……

(He looks at his bedroom door, but he can't remember the name of the girl.)

（他看向卧室门，却忘了女孩的名字。）

Rachel

Hey!

嗨！

Monica

Hey!

嗨！

Rachel

You guys aren't doing anything tonight, are you?

你们今晚没事吧？

Chandler

See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.

你怎么会这么想？就因为我们结婚了？告诉你，我们可潮着呢。不好意思，我得回去看讣告了。

Rachel

I was just asking 'cause I need someone to watch Emma tonight.

我就是问问，我今晚需要人帮忙照看爱玛。

Monica

Sure, we'll do that. What are you up to?

没问题，我们来。你要去干嘛？

Rachel

Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.

菲比帮我安排了个相亲。

Monica

Oh my god.

天啊。

Chandler

Wow.

哇。

Rachel

Why? What's the big deal?

怎么了？这有什么大不了的？

Monica

Just figured, 'cause you and Ross are...

就是觉得，你和罗斯毕竟……

Rachel

What, slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.

怎么，一年半前上过床？早没事了。

Chandler

Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!

我觉得你去约会挺好的，很正常。人嘛，都有需求，大胆追求自己的生活！

Monica

You want a job? Turn off "Oprah," and send out a resume!

你想找工作？关掉《奥普拉脱口秀》，赶紧投简历去！

Rachel

So I'll bring her by around seven? Is that okay?

那我七点把她送过来，可以吗？

Monica

Oh, it's perfect.

太可以了。

Rachel

Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!

你们肯定会很开心的！她现在超可爱。对了，有几件事要注意。她现在吃辅食了，随时会拉便便。看好你们的头发，她喜欢抓。还有，现在她一看到人离开房间就会大哭，不过……谢谢你们啦，玩得开心！

Chandler

(reading the newspaper) Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.

（看报纸）突然希望讣告上写的是我的名字。

Phoebe

Ooh, Joey.

哦，乔伊。

Joey

Hey.

嗨。

Phoebe

Hey. I'm so excited; I just set up Rachel with the worst guy tonight.

嗨，我太激动了，我给瑞秋安排了个超烂的相亲对象。

Joey

All right! Who is he?

太好了！是谁啊？

Phoebe

Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.

是我以前的一个按摩顾客。说是按摩，其实就是按住他，不让他翻身露屁股给我看。

Joey

(gives a thumbs up sign) Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.

（竖大拇指）厉害厉害。你听听我给罗斯找的是谁。

Phoebe

Oh, yeah.

好啊。

(They sit down on the couch.)

（两人坐到沙发上。）

Joey

She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!

是个超无聊的女人，还是个老师！

Phoebe

A teacher?

老师？

Joey

Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?

是啊，她特别喜欢历史和外国电影……还有，她爱拼拼图。你想想，谁爱拼拼图啊？

Phoebe

Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!

罗斯就爱啊……你把计划搞砸了！乔伊，你给他找了个完美对象！

Joey

Oh my god, you're right!

天啊，你说得对！

Phoebe

Yeah.

可不是嘛。

Joey

She even reads for pleasure!

她居然还喜欢读书消遣！

Phoebe

How do you even know a woman like that?

你怎么会认识这种女人？

Joey

What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?

怎么？我就不能认识聪明女人了？

Phoebe

Joey.

乔伊。

Joey

I met her at the library. I went in to pee.

在图书馆认识的，我去那儿上厕所。

Phoebe

So now what do we do?

那现在怎么办？

Joey

Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.

这样，我打电话跟她取消约会，再给罗斯找别人。

Phoebe

What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off, but we don't tell Ross, and he goes to the restaurant and gets stood up!

要不别给他找了？就跟那女的取消约会，不告诉罗斯，让他去餐厅被放鸽子！

Joey

Ooh...I hear that's bad.

哦……听说被放鸽子超惨。

Phoebe

Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realize how good they have it together.

这样正好！瑞秋约会超惨，罗斯被放鸽子，他们就会发现彼此在一起多好。

Joey

Ah, yes, The Plan! (Laughs loudly again, but he sounds more like Santa Claus.)

对，我们的计划！（又大笑起来，笑声像圣诞老人。）

Phoebe

It's not Santa's plan. No, it's...(Laughs the real "plan-laugh.")

不是圣诞老人的计划，是……（发出正经的“计划得逞笑”。）

(They both start laughing again.)

（两人又一起大笑。）

Joey

Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.

其实吧，也没那么好笑。

Phoebe

No, I think we killed it.

是啊，笑不出来了。

Chandler

Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.

爱玛？爱玛？看我！我还是下楼待会儿吧。

(He does the ancient trick of going downstairs while behind the couch. As soon as he's out of sight, Emma starts crying.)

（他玩起老把戏，躲在沙发后假装下楼。刚躲起来，爱玛就哭了。）

Chandler

No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!

别别哭别哭！没事没事，我没走。别哭，就一小会儿！我是你钱叔叔，我就只会逗你笑！

(Monica enters from their bedroom with a calendar.)

（莫妮卡拿着日历从卧室走进来。）

Monica

Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the sixth, so don't touch yourself in the next 48 hours.

跟你说一声，我明天到六号是排卵期，接下来48小时别自己解决。

Chandler

I don't do that.

我才不会。

(Monica looks at him.)

（莫妮卡看着他。）

Chandler

I'll try to stop. Wait, did you say until the sixth?

我尽量。等等，你说到六号？

Monica

Yeah.

是啊。

Chandler

Today is the sixth.

今天就是六号。

Monica

No, it's not.

不是。

(Points at the calendar.)

（指着日历。）

Chandler

Yes, it's also 2003.

是啊，现在是2003年。

Monica

Oh my god. Today's the sixth?! I may be done ovulating! I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant.

天啊，今天是六号？！我的排卵期可能结束了！我餐厅里的肉说不定也过期了。

Chandler

It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.

没事，去测一下排卵没。

Monica

Okay.

好。

(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)

（她跑向浴室，钱德勒对着爱玛学鸡叫，爱玛却毫无反应。）

Chandler

Tough crib.

这孩子真难哄。

Monica

Hey, where are all my ovulation-sticks? There's only one here.

我的排卵试纸呢？就剩一根了。

Chandler

I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.

我之前好奇，测过几次自己排卵没。

Monica

Chandler!

钱德勒！

Chandler

I am not working. There's not much to do around here!

我又没工作，在家没事干嘛！

Ross

Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?

打扰一下，吧台那边有个女的吗？中等身材、黑头发，可能在拼拼图？

Waiter

Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.

呃，有个喝醉的中国男人。

Ross

Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.

要是我一小时后还在这儿，替我请他喝一杯。

Waiter

Can I get you another glass of wine?

再来杯红酒吗？

Ross

Nah, I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I go home alone.

不了，不太想喝。我可不想一个人醉醺醺地回家。

Waiter

Got stood up, huh?

被放鸽子了吧？

Ross

Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.

是啊，没什么大不了的，就是个相亲。

Waiter

Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left?

你不会担心她来了，看到你就走了吧？

Ross

No!

才没有！

(The waiter leaves.)

（服务员离开。）

Monica

We're okay. I'm still ovulating.

没事，我还在排卵期。

Chandler

Oh, good, because as of four o'clock this afternoon, I am not.

太好了，我下午四点之后就不行了。

Monica

So, let's do this.

那我们开始吧。

Chandler

I - I don't think I can.

我……我好像不行。

Monica

Come on. I know you're not eighteen anymore, but give it a minute.

别这样，我知道你不是十八岁了，慢慢来。

Chandler

Because of Emma.

是因为爱玛在这儿。

Monica

Oh my god, Emma. Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here. Oh, you're right, we can't do this. We can't leave her alone.

天啊，爱玛。宝贝，我忘了你在这儿了。你说得对，不能这么做，不能把她一个人留在这儿。

Chandler

Sorry.

抱歉。

Monica

Unless... Maybe we do it here. I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age?

除非……我们就在这儿。她这么小，能懂什么啊？

Chandler

Well, she's aware when we leave the room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.

我们离开房间她都知道，要是我们在这儿……亲热，她说不定也能察觉到。

Monica

Canoodling?

亲热？

Chandler

Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw" in front of the B-A-B-Y.

当着小宝宝的面，我可说不出那些粗俗的词。

Monica

I don't know. I mean, I guess having sex in front of a baby isn't so...

也还好吧，当着宝宝的面……

Chandler

Horrifying? Scarring? Something people go to jail for?

不可怕？不留下心理阴影？不犯法？

Monica

I guess you're right.

你说得好像对。

Chandler

You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.

只是好像？上次我们住民宿，你都不肯和我亲热，就因为你觉得窗外有只鹿在偷看。

Monica

But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?

谁会变态到当着鹿的面亲热啊？

Rachel

Wow, everything looks so good! I think I'm gonna have the chicken.

哇，看着都好好吃！我点鸡肉吧。

Steve

(staring at Rachel) I - I just have to say this; you're really beautiful.

（盯着瑞秋）我必须说，你真的很美。

Rachel

Oh, well, that's - that's very sweet. Thank you.

哦，你真好，谢谢。

Steve

I'm kind of funny looking.

我长得挺难看的。

Rachel

What?

什么？

Steve

Oh, come on, you're way out of my league. Everybody in here knows it. Bet that guy over there's probably saying, "ooh, why she out with him? He must be rich!" Well, I'm not!

你比我优秀太多了，这儿的人都看得出来。那边那男的肯定在想，“她怎么跟他约会？肯定是他有钱！”可我没钱！

Rachel

(feeling awkward) So, what do think you wanna order? I'm really excited about that chicken.

（尴尬地）那你想点什么？我超想吃鸡肉。

Steve

I'm not funny either. So, if you were thinking, "well, he's not that good-looking, but maybe we'll have some laughs"... That ain't gonna happen.

我也一点都不好笑。所以你别想着“他长得不行，但说不定很有趣”，不可能的。

Rachel

Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter. Hey, now wait a minute. Phoebe told me that - that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.

别这样，史蒂夫，紧张的时候也会笑嘛。对了，菲比说你以前有自己的餐厅，好厉害啊。

Steve

I lost it. To drugs.

没了，吸毒败光了。

(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)

（史蒂夫嘴巴发干，做了个怪表情。）

Steve

I silk-screen t-shirts now.

我现在印T恤。

Rachel

Really? What's that like?

真的？那工作怎么样？

Steve

It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.

做着讨厌的事还没钱，特别有成就感。没错，我没钱、不好笑、和两个男人挤单间，而且我肯定不育。

Rachel

(awkward chuckle) Now, come on, come on, Steve. There must be something that you like about yourself.

（尴尬地笑）别这样，史蒂夫，你肯定有自己满意的地方。

Steve

I do like my hair.

我挺喜欢我的头发。

Rachel

Really?

是吗？

Phoebe

Hello?

喂？

(Rachel is still at the restaurant, but Steve is gone.)

（瑞秋还在餐厅，史蒂夫已经走了。）

Rachel

Phoebe, it's me. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!

菲比，是我。我要找到你，杀了你！

Phoebe

Hey, Raych!

嗨，瑞秋！

Rachel

This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?

这是我最糟的一次约会，你怎么给我介绍这种怪人？

Phoebe

You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.

他可是我特别好的朋友。

Rachel

I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!

我不管！这人就是个噩梦！

Phoebe

Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.

他就是嗑药的时候有点疯而已。

Rachel

He's not stoned.

他没嗑药。

Phoebe

Did he go out for a cigarette?

他出去抽烟了吗？

Rachel

Yeah, four times.

去了四次。

Phoebe

My dear, sweet Raych.

我亲爱的瑞秋。

(Rachel hangs up in disgust.)

（瑞秋生气地挂了电话。）

Phoebe

(to Joey) Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.

（对乔伊）我们的计划成功了，瑞秋约会惨透了，罗斯在餐厅被放鸽子，孤零零一个人。

Joey

Oh, great, pretty soon they'll be back together.

太好了，很快他们就能和好了。

Phoebe

By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico....Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.

等他们发现我们的计谋，我们早就去阳光明媚的墨西哥度假了……哦，不对，那是另一个计划的结局。

Monica

She's asleep. Chandler?

她睡着了。钱德勒？

(Chandler wakes up and looks a bit confused when he finds that he has a pacifier in his mouth.)

（钱德勒醒来，发现自己叼着奶嘴，一脸困惑。）

Monica

What are you doing?

你在干嘛？

Chandler

Emma was doing it!

爱玛在吸，我就跟着吸了！

Monica

She's asleep.

她睡着了。

Chandler

Ooh, she's asleep, that means we can...

哦，她睡着了，那我们可以……

Monica

Yes, but we have to be fast.

可以，但得快点。

Chandler

(laughs) Okay, I'll try. And you can't make any noise.

（笑）好，我试试，你别出声。

Monica

(laughs) Okay, I'll try.

（笑）好，我试试。

(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)

（两人跑向卧室，轻轻关上门，乔伊正好走进来。）

Joey

Hello?

有人吗？

(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)

（爱玛开始出声，乔伊走到婴儿围栏边。）

Joey

Emma? Hey! Hi!

爱玛？嗨！你好！

(He picks her up.)

（他抱起爱玛。）

Joey

How are ya? How are ya? Where are your babysitters, huh? Why's the bedroom door closed?

你好呀？保姆呢？卧室门怎么关着？

(He walks over, but just before he knocks on the door, he hears some moans and looks shocked.)

（他走过去，正要敲门，听到里面的呻吟声，一脸震惊。）

Joey

You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!

照顾小宝宝的时候，不能做那种事！

(He walks out quickly with Emma in his arms.)

（他抱着爱玛赶紧走了。）

Waiter

I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.

坏消息，那个中国男人走了。

Ross

Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.

唉，缘分天注定。

Waiter

Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.

被放鸽子而已，别在意。我们让你开心点，坐着放松一下。我送你一份蟹饼开胃菜，免费的。

Ross

Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice. Although I was hoping to have sex tonight.

哇，免费蟹饼，太好了。虽然我今晚本来还想做点别的。

Waiter

Ooh...

哦……

(Ross sees the waiter looking at him.)

（罗斯看到服务员的表情。）

Ross

Just the crab cakes.

就蟹饼吧。

(Meanwhile, another waiter has come up to the first waiter.)

（这时，另一个服务员走过来。）

Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.

服务员2：你干嘛？想留他在这儿？不行的。

Waiter

Just get out of here, okay?

一边去，行吗？

Ross

What's - what's going on?

怎么回事？

Waiter

Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.

好吧，服务员们打了个赌，赌你多久会放弃回家。

Ross

What? You - you're making money off my misery?

什么？你们拿我的难堪打赌赚钱？

Waiter

Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.

你要是待到九点二十分，我就赢钱了。

Ross

This is unbelievable. I - I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.

太过分了，我这辈子从没这么被羞辱过。把免费蟹饼打包，我走了。

Monica

Well, that was weird. You were loud, and I was fast.

刚才好奇怪，你动静挺大，我倒是挺快。

Chandler

I think we may have really done it this time.

这次说不定真怀上了。

Monica

Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.

真希望现在就能验孕，不用等。

Chandler

You may wanna get some more of those too.

你也该多买点排卵试纸了。

(They walk over to the playpen.)

（两人走到婴儿围栏边。）

Chandler

Where's Emma?

爱玛呢？

Monica

Oh my god, where's Emma? Where's Emma?

天啊，爱玛呢？爱玛去哪了？

Chandler

Don't ask me, I was in there canoodling you!

别问我，我一直在里面跟你亲热呢！

Monica

Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell.

没事，肯定是瑞秋提前回来接走了。你去对面看看，我给她打电话。

Chandler

Okay. (Runs out.)

好。（跑出去。）

Monica

Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.

你最好祈祷我们怀上了，不然不管怎样，我们都得赔瑞秋一个孩子。

Rachel

No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.

不会，我欣赏会哭的男人。

Steve

Really?

真的？

(He puts his hand on her shoulder.)

（他把手搭在瑞秋肩上。）

Rachel

Don't touch my coat!

别碰我的大衣！

(Her cell phone rings.)

（她的手机响了。）

Rachel

Oh, sorry, it's my phone. Hello?

抱歉，我接个电话。喂？

Monica

(on phone) Hey, Raych, how's it going?

（电话里）嗨，瑞秋，约会怎么样？

Rachel

Oh my god, this is the worst date ever!

天啊，这是我最糟的一次约会！

(Steve starts crying loudly.)

（史蒂夫放声大哭。）

Rachel

(to Steve) Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well? (To Monica.) What's up?

（对史蒂夫）抱歉，但你真觉得这次约会不错吗？（对莫妮卡）怎么了？

Monica

Hey, did you stop by here?

你刚才来过我这儿吗？

Rachel

No.

没有。

Monica

Oh my god, then...

天啊，那……

(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)

（乔伊和钱德勒抱着爱玛走进来。）

Monica

Oh, thank god! Emma, there you are!

谢天谢地！爱玛，你在这儿！

Rachel

What? What do you mean, "there you are"? Where was she?

什么？什么叫“在这儿”？她刚才去哪了？

Monica

Oh, we were playing "peek-a-boo." She just she loves it when I'm dramatic.

我们在玩躲猫猫，她就喜欢我夸张的样子。

(Monica hangs up, and Rachel looks at her phone.)

（莫妮卡挂了电话，瑞秋看着手机。）

Monica

(to Joey) Why the hell did you take her?

（对乔伊）你干嘛把她抱走？

Joey

Because you two were having sex!

因为你们在做爱！

Monica

No, we weren't!

我们没有！

Joey

Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?

别骗我！看钱德勒的头发就知道了。（对钱德勒）你真懒，就不能主动一次？

Chandler

All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.

好了好了，我们是做了。我们想要孩子，莫妮卡在排卵期。

Joey

Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.

你们太过分了，爱玛就在隔壁居然做爱！我要告诉瑞秋。

(Joey starts to leave.)

（乔伊准备走。）

Chandler

No, no, no.

别别别。

Monica

No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!

别求你了，乔伊，她会杀了我们的！

Joey

Hey, I gotta! Unless...

我必须说！除非……

Monica

Unless what?

除非什么？

Joey

Unless you name your firstborn child Joey.

除非你们第一个孩子叫乔伊。

Chandler

What? Why?

什么？为什么？

Joey

Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.

我可能不会有孩子，总得有人继承我的姓氏。

Chandler

Your family name is Tribbiani.

你姓崔比亚尼。

Joey

...(Laughs.) You almost had me.

……（笑）差点被你绕进去。

(He leaves.)

（他离开。）

Rachel

Well, uh...

嗯……

Steve

Look, I think I know the answer to this question, but... Would you like to make love to me?

我知道答案肯定是不行，但……你愿意和我做爱吗？

Rachel

Really, really not.

绝对不愿意。

Steve

Eh, it's just as well. Doesn't work anyway.

好吧，反正我也不行。

Rachel

All right, well that's good to know. Good night, Steve.

知道了就好，晚安，史蒂夫。

(She walks over to Central Perk and enters to find Ross sitting on the couch, eating crab cakes. She takes off her coat while groaning and shuddering.)

（她走进中央珀克咖啡馆，看到罗斯坐在沙发上吃蟹饼，一边叹气一边发抖地脱下大衣。）

Ross

Hey, what's wrong?

嗨，怎么了？

Rachel

I just had a rough night.

今晚太糟了。

Ross

Oh. Crab cake?

哦，吃块蟹饼吗？

Rachel

Eww!

恶心！

Ross

Well, what happened?

怎么了？

Rachel

Oh, well, I...It's kind of weird talking to you about this, but...

嗯，跟你说这个有点奇怪，不过……

Ross

Monica told me you had a blind date.

莫妮卡说你去相亲了。

Rachel

Yeah.

是啊。

Ross

I did, too.

我也去了。

Rachel

Oh.

哦。

Ross

But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?

不过对方没来，算相亲吗？

Rachel

Oh, oh no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?

哦，不会吧？她不会是来了，看到你就走了吧？

Ross

Why does everyone keep saying that?

为什么所有人都这么说？

Rachel

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.

要是能让你好受点，我真希望我的相亲对象没来。

Ross

That bad?

这么糟？

Rachel

Well, he makes t-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this.

他靠印T恤为生，还送了我这个。

(She holds up a black t-shirt with "FBI - Female Body Inspector" on the front.)

（她举起一件黑色T恤，上面印着“联邦调查局——女性身材检查员”。）

Ross

Female body inspector? What size is that?

女性身材检查员？多大码的？

Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.

切到咖啡馆外，菲比和乔伊朝咖啡馆走来。

Phoebe

Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?

等等，他们第一个孩子叫乔伊？

Joey

Uh-huh.

嗯。

Phoebe

How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?

那我怎么让他们第二个孩子叫菲比？

Joey

It's easy, you just walk in on them having sex.

简单，撞见他们做爱就行。

Phoebe

Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes.

那他们欠我三个菲比了。

(Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.)

（菲比透过窗户看到瑞秋和罗斯。）

Phoebe

Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.

天啊！快看，罗斯和瑞秋，我们的计划成功了。

Joey does the "plan-laugh."

乔伊发出“计划得逞笑”。

Phoebe

Don't, don't do the plan-laugh.

别笑，别得意。

Cut to inside Central Perk.

切回咖啡馆内。

Ross

The first date we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.

我们几个月来第一次约会，结果都这么糟。

Rachel

Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.

是啊，菲比给我介绍了个超烂的，乔伊给你介绍的还没来，也太巧了。

Ross

Wait a minute; you don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.

等等，你觉得是他们故意的？也太傻了吧。

Cut to outside Central Perk.

切到咖啡馆外。

Joey

We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.

我们太聪明了！快看他们，聊得可好了。

Phoebe

Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again.

是啊，他们又爱上彼此了。

(Rachel and Ross turn around and look at Phoebe and Joey with puzzled expressions on their faces.)

（瑞秋和罗斯转过身，一脸疑惑地看着两人。）

Phoebe

Oh, they see us! Oh, they, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!

糟了，被发现了！他们生气了，肯定知道了。朝我们过来了，快跑！

Joey

Where?

去哪？

Phoebe

Mexico!

墨西哥！

(They run down the street with Ross and Rachel following right behind them.)

（两人沿着街道跑，罗斯和瑞秋在后面追。）

End credits

片尾字幕

Joey

Can you believe they're still not here?

你敢信吗，她们居然还没来？

Ross

I know. A double blind date, and we both get stood up. What are the chances?

可不是嘛，双人相亲，结果我们俩都被放鸽子，概率也太低了。

Joey

I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?

太郁闷了，能把免费蟹饼给我们吗？

Waiter

What?

什么？

Joey

We've been stood up. (sniffles) And we want our free crab cakes.

我们被放鸽子了。（抽泣）我们要免费蟹饼。

Waiter

Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.

别闹了，今晚没人赌你们。不过我们在赌那边那个男的多久会哭。

(He points at Steve who's sitting at another table. He's staring at his hands.)

（指着另一桌的史蒂夫，他正盯着自己的手。）

Steve

I have such fat hands! (He starts crying.)

我的手好胖！（哭了起来。）

END

剧终