The One With Rachel's Other Sister

Monica and Chandler's apartment

莫尼卡和钱德勒的公寓

Monica

Hey hon, could you help me get the plates down?

嘿亲爱的，帮我拿下碟子好吗？

Chandler

Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china today?

行。嘿，我有个主意，咱们今天用结婚时买的瓷器吧？

Monica

No, I think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the Queen of England comes over.

不，我想留到特别的时候再用。比如英国女王来串门。

Chandler

Honey, she keeps canceling on us. Take the hint.

亲爱的，她老取消咱们的邀请，你还不明白吗？

Monica

What if something gets broken? They're so expensive!

要是摔坏怎么办，那么贵的！

Chandler

What is the point of having them if we never use them?

不用只存着，那有什么意义？

Monica

Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over...

好吧，可要是真摔了什么，英国女王来了就...

Chandler

I will explain it to her.

我会向她解释。

Monica

(laughing) Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the Queen.

（笑着说）是嘛，好像我会让你去跟女王说！

Joey

Wow, the parade is really good this year. Man those horses can crap!

哇，今年的游行真不错。那些马还能便便！

TV announcer

Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, Oaklahoma.

下一游行方阵来自俄克拉荷马州的马斯科吉。

Chandler

Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo-hoo!

马斯科吉！离图萨只有4小时路，呜哈！

TV announcer

And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .

这里彩车上挥手的是当前大受欢迎的肥皂剧《我们的日子》里的明星。

Joey

Oh my God!

老天呀！

Chandler

Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?

你不算肥皂剧《我们的日子》里的明星吗？

Joey

Yeah! I totally forgot I'm supposed to be there. I can't believe I forgot. I usually write stuff like this on my arm.

是呀！我忘去了，我居然忘了，我都是写在胳膊上的。

(Chandler grabs Joey's arm and pushes the sleeve up)

（钱德勒抓住乔伊的胳膊，卷起他的袖子）

Joey

Oh! Stupid long sleeves.

哦，这破长袖子。

Chandler

What are you going to do?

那你怎么办？

Joey

I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like... like I was some kind of idiot.

我想，我必须想个非常好的理由解释清楚我为什么没有去那儿。制作人要恨死我了，昨天特意把我们叫去安排，说每个人必须在早上6点整到达，特别是你崔比亚尼，好像我是个傻瓜。

Chandler

Well you proved them wrong.

你得证明他们错了。

Joey nods

Yeah.

是呀。

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Ross and Rachel's Apartment

罗斯和瑞秋的公寓

(Ross and Rachel are putting baby stuff together like they're going to be going somewhere.)

（罗斯和瑞秋正在收拾婴儿用品，像是准备出门。）

Rachel to Emma

Oh Emma. This is going to be your first Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? Mommy's bobbies.

哦艾玛，你要过第一个感恩节了。你要感谢什么呢？妈妈的乳房。

Ross

A lot of people are thankful for those.

好多人都感谢它们呢。

(knock on door)

（敲门声）

Woman at door

Hello? Rachel?

你好？瑞秋？

Rachel

Who is it?

谁呀？

Woman at door

It's your favorite sister.

你最爱的妹妹。

Ross and Rachel while looking at each other surprised and shocked

Jill?

吉尔？

Woman at door in a sing song voice

Amy.

艾咪。

Rachel

Hide my rings.

把我首饰藏好。

(Ross goes into Rachel's room)

（罗斯走进瑞秋的房间）

Rachel

Oh. (opens door preparing herself and then happily says) Amy! Happy Thanksgiving.

哦。（整理好表情开门，开心地说）艾咪！感恩节快乐。

Amy

Do you have a hair straightener?

你有直发器吗？

Rachel

Um... hi.

嗯...嗨。

Amy

Oh... hi... (goes to Rachel with open arms)

哦...嗨...（张开双臂走向瑞秋）

Rachel

Aw.

哎呀。

(Amy grabs her arms)

（艾咪抓住她的胳膊）

Amy

Hair straightener?

直发器？

Rachel

I haven't seen you in like... a year.

我没见你都有一年了。

Amy

Oh, I know, I know. I've just been crazed.

哦，我知道，我知道，我过得太疯狂了。

Rachel

Oh well yeah me too. Um... I had a baby.

哦是啊，我也是呢。嗯...我有个孩子了。

Amy

I decorated Dad's office.

我装修了爸爸的办公室。

Rachel

Oh... yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, (shakes head no) not the same thing.

哦...真的？除非你从产道里生出张办公桌，（摇摇头）否则跟我没的比。

Amy

Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey... I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.

听着，亲爱的，关于直发器...我真的很需要一个，我要去男友家吃饭。

(Amy bending over fiddling with her purse when Emma cries and she hears Emma)

（艾咪弯腰翻包，这时艾玛哭了，她听到了声音）

Amy

Oh my God!

我的天呀！

Rachel

mh hmm...

嗯哼...

Amy

Is this Emmett? (pointing to EMMA)

这就是艾咪特？（指着艾玛）

Rachel

Uh..... its Emma.

嗯.....是艾玛。

Amy

Its a girl?

是个女孩？

(Ross comes out of the bedrooms)

（罗斯从卧室走出来）

Ross

Hey Amy.

嘿，艾咪。

Rachel

Oh Amy, you remember Ross.

哦艾咪，你记得罗斯吧。

Amy

Not really. But you are much cuter then that geeky guy she used to date.

不太记得。不过你比她以前交往的那个书呆子可爱多了。

Ross

That was me.

那个就是我。

Amy

No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade.

不是你，那衰人是她高中同学，从九年级就开始迷恋她了。

Ross with a look of wondering how long this is going to go on on his face

Still me.

还是我。

Amy

No, I'm not talking about you. (to Rachel) It was your fat friends brother with that bad afro, do you remember?

不，我说的不是你。（对瑞秋说）是你那个胖朋友的哥哥，留着糟糕的非洲爆炸头那个，你记得吗？

Ross starts talking over her 'do you remember' line

Amy. I'm going to save you some time, ok. (spins finger around in circle) All me.

艾咪，我帮你省点时间吧。（手指画圈）说的全是我。

Monica and Chandler's Apartment.

莫尼卡和钱德勒的公寓

(Joey is walking around looking worried. )

（乔伊在屋里走来走去，一脸焦虑。）

Monica

Careful. (hands Chandler a china plate) Careful. CAREFUL!

小心。（递给钱德勒一个瓷盘）小心。小心点！

(Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.) Sorry.

（钱德勒吓了一跳，差点把盘子摔了。）抱歉。

Chandler

I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. (looks at china) hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out...

我跟你说，这辈子没别的吩咐，我一定处处小心。（看着瓷器）等等，这不是我们当初挑的那套瓷器...

Monica

I know, after you left the store, I chose different ones.

我知道，你离开商店后，我换了一套。

Chandler

Why?

为什么？

Monica

well no offense honey, but your taste is a little feminine for me.

别生气，亲爱的，你的审美对我来说太阴柔了。

Chandler

Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine?

哦，什么时候花变得阴柔了？

(Phoebe comes in)

（菲比走进来）

Phoebe

Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving!

嘿，大家好。感恩节快乐！

Joey

Hey happy Thanksgiving... Pheebs! (motions her to come over)

嘿，感恩节快乐...菲比！（示意她过来）

Phoebe

Hey, what's going on Joe?

嘿，乔伊，怎么了？

Joey

I... I... I need a good lie.

我...我...我需要个好的谎话。

Phoebe

Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people!

行啊。“人类登月”那个怎么样？你知道吗？你...你能...能看到吊线！

Joey

No, no, no I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today.

不，不，不，我需要个好谎话，解释今天为什么没去上班。

Phoebe

Ooh, honey. You stink at lying.

哦亲爱的，你说谎太烂了。

Joey

I do not.

我才没有。

Phoebe

Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?

是吗？那我考考你。昨天在咖啡馆，我去了趟洗手间，回来我的松糕就没了——谁吃了？

Joey

Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said... (pause) He said... "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?

有人推开咖啡馆的门，一只浣熊跑了进来，直奔你的松糕，我说“嘿别吃，那是菲比的”，然后它说...（停顿）它说...“乔伊，你说谎太烂了”。我该怎么办？

Phoebe

Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.

别着急，别着急。我们会想到好谎话的，我帮你练习。

Joey

Oh great, that'd be great. Thank you.

太好了，谢谢你。

Phoebe

Sure, what... what was the work thing?

不客气，那个工作的事是什么？

Joey

Uh... (forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks)

嗯...（忘了工作的事是什么，卷起右臂袖子给菲比看）

Phoebe

"Pick up grandma at the airport"?

“去机场接奶奶”？

Joey

Oh... man...

哦...天呐...

Ross and Rachel's Apartment.

罗斯和瑞秋的公寓

Amy with straight hair

Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to get your real nose?

她真可爱。你就不担心她会长成你那个真鼻子吗？

Rachel

Amy! (pause) Yes I do... I really do. (grabs Ross' hand for support)

艾咪！（停顿）我担心...真的很担心。（抓住罗斯的手寻求安慰）

(Amy's cell phone rings)

（艾咪的手机响了）

Amy

Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. (to Ross and Rachel) Can I take this upstairs?

喂？嗯，好。稍等一下。（对罗斯和瑞秋说）我能上楼接电话吗？

Ross

Sure, we don't live there but...

行啊，就是楼上不是我们家...

Amy

Seriously? Its... its just these rooms? (moves hands around motioning 'just these rooms')(To Ross) I thought you were a doctor.

真的吗？就...就只有这几间房？（比划着）（对罗斯说）我还以为你是医生呢。

Rachel

Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD.

嗯，不是。罗斯是哲学博士。

Amy

Ew. (walks into Rachel's room, I'm guessing)

呕。（走进瑞秋的房间）

Rachel

God she is unbelievable.

天呐，她真是让人受不了。

Ross

I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD.

就是，哲学博士和医学博士不是一样好嘛。

Rachel

Oh sure Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack in a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.

当然了罗斯。我要是在饭店心脏病发作，还指望你拿着化石刷子救我呢。

Amy storms out

Stupid Thanksgiving.

蠢感恩节。

Rachel

What? What happened?

怎么了？出什么事了？

Amy

My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean... I I finally find a real relationship. I mean, someone that I can spend this day with and then his wife comes back into town. I swear, its almost not worth dating married guys.

我男友取消约会了。我好不容易才找到一段认真的感情，一个能一起过感恩节的人，结果他老婆回来了。我发誓，跟有妇之夫交往真不值。

Ross

Don't say that.

别这么说。

Amy

Oh. I was so looking forward to this. It was going to be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. We were going to have sushi.

我本来满心期待，这会是个超棒的感恩节，我们还约好去吃寿司呢。

Rachel

Oh Amy, don't cry Amy. Um... Ross, could I talk to you in private?

哦艾咪，别哭。嗯...罗斯，我能跟你私下说句话吗？

Ross

Sure, you want to go upstairs?

好，咱们上楼说？

(Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen)

（罗斯和瑞秋走进厨房）

Rachel

Um look I was thinking... If its ok with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.

嗯，我在想...如果莫尼卡不介意，我想请艾咪一起过感恩节。

Ross

You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.

我觉得这主意不错。就像当年朝圣者给印第安人带去梅毒似的。

Rachel

Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.

我知道她有点难相处，可她没别的地方可去，她是我妹妹，也是艾玛的姨妈。我希望她们能亲近点。

Ross

Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.

行吧，可别太亲近了，我可不想她跟艾玛说要整鼻子。

Rachel

Ross, you know what? She may need one...We're just going to have to make our peace with that!

罗斯，她说不定真需要整...我们只能接受这个事实了！

(Rachel grabs Ross' hand for support and starts to cry a little)

（瑞秋抓住罗斯的手，有点想哭）

Monica and Chandler's apartment

莫尼卡和钱德勒的公寓

Rachel opens their door

Hi.

嗨。

Everyone there says

Hi, hey.

嗨，嘿。

Rachel

Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.

大家好，这是我妹妹艾咪。这是钱德勒、乔伊、菲比，你们认识莫尼卡。

Everyone

Hi.

嗨。

Amy

Oh my god. You're on Days of Our Lives.

我的天，你演《我们的日子》。

Joey laughs

Yeah.

是啊。

Amy

wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you.

哇，他们肯定给你化了很浓的妆。

Joey looks rejected

Hap... Hap... Happy Thanksgiving.

感...感...感恩节快乐。

(Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back)

（乔伊转过身，钱德勒安慰地拍拍他的背）

Ross to Monica

Hi.

嗨。

Monica to Ross

Hi.

嗨。

(they hug and kiss on check)

（他们拥抱，互相吻脸颊）

Monica to Emma

Hey you.

嘿小可爱。

Monica to Amy

So. Welcome. Is this your first time you're seeing Emma?

欢迎。你是第一次见艾玛吗？

Amy with confused look on face

Yeah I... I think so. (sticks her hand out to shake hands with Phoebe and says to her) It's nice to meet you Emma.

嗯...应该是吧。（伸手和菲比握手）很高兴认识你，艾玛。

Phoebe shakes her hand and says

Phoe-Be.

菲——比。

Amy

Oh. That's a funny noise.

哦，这声音真奇怪。

(Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet)

（莫尼卡和艾咪转身走进客厅，走向隐秘储物间）

Joey

Pheebs, I still need some help here

菲比，我还需要帮忙。

Phoebe

Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.

哦对，好。关键不只是谎话内容，还有说谎的方式。比如你说话时低头看地，别人就知道你在撒谎。

Joey

Oh... I don't know why this is so hard for me. you know... I mean lying is basically just acting and I am a terrfic actor.

唉...我怎么这么难呢。说谎不就是演戏嘛，我可是个很棒的演员。

Phoebe looks down

You are a terrific actor.

你是很棒的演员。

(Joey realizes what she's doing)

（乔伊明白她的意思了）

Amy coming out of the bathroom

Hey. Hey where's the baby?

嘿，孩子呢？

Rachel

Oh we just put her down for a nap.

我们刚哄她睡午觉了。

Amy

Oh I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible? If you guys died.

我刚才在想，要是你们俩都死了，那可太棒了。

Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy

Thank you Amy.

谢谢你啊艾咪。

Amy

no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.

不是，那样我就能收养孩子了。就像电影里演的，一开始我手足无措，后来逐渐胜任，改头换面，最后结婚生子。

Phoebe

Thats a great movie. (she claps)

这电影肯定好看。（拍手）

(Joey nods in agreement)

（乔伊点头赞同）

Amy

Now listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything cause you know you'd be dead. I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.

反正你们也阻止不了我，毕竟你们都死了。我还想给她改个名字，我不太喜欢艾米丽这个名字。

Ross

Emma.

是艾玛。

Amy turns around to Phoebe

Emma, Ross wants you.

艾玛，罗斯找你。

Phoebe

PHOE-BE.

菲——比！

Amy turns to Ross and Rachel

Why does she keep making that noise?

她干嘛总发出这种怪声音？

Rachel

Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself (Ross and Rachel knock on wood) um you wouldn't get the baby.

亲爱的，我不知道怎么跟你说，要是我或罗斯出了意外（罗斯和瑞秋敲木头辟邪），你是得不到孩子的。

Amy

Well who would?

那谁能得到？

Ross

Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.

我们还没正式问过，但我们想让莫尼卡和钱德勒抚养。

Chandler

I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.

真不敢相信你们会让我们抚养艾玛。

Monica

yeah oh my god, I'm so moved.

天呐，我太感动了。

Amy

I don't believe this, hold on a second. You guys die and I don't get your baby?

我不信，等一下。你们俩死了，我居然得不到孩子？

Rachel

See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.

艾咪，我们和莫尼卡、钱德勒更亲近，天天见面。说实话，你和孩子一点都不亲。

Amy

Connected? I mean... to what? She's... she's a lump.

亲近？跟谁？她就是个小肉球。

Chandler

You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two... that you two..... (starts to cry)

说真的，这对我意义重大。你们愿意把孩子托付给我，我太感动了。我和莫尼卡一直想要孩子，我总怀疑自己当不好爸爸，可你们俩...你们俩居然这么信任我...（哭了起来）

Amy

(points to Chandler) This guy? Seriously?

（指着钱德勒）就他？认真的吗？

Later in the day.

当天晚些时候

Monica

Okay! It's time for dinner. Everyone we're using our fancy china... um and its very expensive so please be careful.

开饭啦！今天用我们的精致瓷器...很贵的，大家小心点。

Ross starts playing with a plate

Woah. Woah... (nearly really drops the plate and more seriously) Woah.

哇哦。哇哦...（差点摔了盘子，严肃起来）哇哦。

Monica

Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well recieved. (pinches Ross' arm)

我先说明，别拿盘子开玩笑，我会生气的。（掐了罗斯胳膊一下）

Ross makes some sort of sound to let us know it hurt.

罗斯疼得叫了一声。

Joey

Hey! How come my plate's less fancy then everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?

嘿！为什么我的盘子没别人的精致？你们不放心我用精致盘子？

Monica

No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins.

不是亲爱的，这是个特别的盘子。算个小游戏，拿到这个盘子的人赢。

Joey

I can't believe I won.

我居然赢了。

Amy

Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.

太过分了。我是你妹妹，你居然把孩子托付给这些外人，而不是我。

Rachel

Monica is Ross' sister.

莫尼卡是罗斯的妹妹。

Amy

No, Ross' sister was really fat.

不对，罗斯的妹妹以前很胖。

Monica

That was me.

就是我。

Amy

No, she was this really dorky girl in high school that used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog.

不对，是高中那个呆呆的女孩，总像小狗似的跟着瑞秋。

Rachel

Hey. Amy. You've got to stop doing that.

艾咪，别这么说。

(Amy gets pissed and starts cutting food on the fancy plate very harshly, you can hear the silveware scraping the fancy plate)

（艾咪生气了，用力在精致盘子上切食物，刀叉刮盘子的声音刺耳）

Monica about to have a heart attack

Okay, listen I know you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but you don't have to take it out on the plates. I mean, I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut their food like this.

好了，我知道你们闹家庭矛盾，可别跟盘子撒气。其实大家可以这样切食物。

(Monica holds a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife)

（莫尼卡把火鸡腿举在盘子上方，用刀切肉）

Monica

Now see, this way you protect the plate... and lets face it you have fun.

这样既保护了盘子，说实话还挺好玩的。

Amy

Okay, how about this, you guys die and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby?

那这样，你们死了，这个护盘子的疯女人也死了，我能得到孩子了吧？

Chandler

No, if crazy plate lad... (sees Monica frustrated at this comment) If Monica dies then I would get Emma, Right?

不行，要是护盘子...（看到莫尼卡生气）要是莫尼卡死了，就由我抚养艾玛，对吧？

(Ross and Rachel pause and ponder this)

（罗斯和瑞秋停顿思考）

Rachel

Well actually...

其实...

Chandler

Actually what?

其实什么？

Ross

well... its just. its just in that case, then um. Emma would go to my parents.

就是...那样的话，艾玛会由我父母抚养。

Chandler

What?

什么？

Amy

Hurts, doesn't it?

难受吧？

(Chandler gives a look that says "Yeah!")

（钱德勒一脸“可不是嘛”的表情）

Joey raises his hand

Uh... who has to die for me to get her?

呃...要谁死了我才能得到她？

(Everyone is looking around and at Joey with looks of 'what?' on their faces)

（所有人都一脸疑惑地看着乔伊）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Chandler

So if Monica's not around, then I'm not good enough to raise Emma?

也就是说，莫尼卡不在了，我就不配抚养艾玛了？

Ross looks down

No, that that is not what we're saying.

不是，我们不是这个意思。

Joey

Yeah he's lying. He looked down.

他在撒谎，他低头了。

(Joey looks to Phoebe and she nods in agreement)

（乔伊看向菲比，菲比点头赞同）

Chandler

Well what is wrong with me? Am I ... am I incomptent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!

我哪里不好？我没能力吗？不管你们三个怎么死的，我都能活下来！

Rachel

Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you're going to be a wonderful parent. It's just... you're more the fun parent.

亲爱的，你误会了。我们觉得你会是个好家长，只是...你更像个陪孩子玩的家长。

Ross

Yeah and we'd want to make sure Emma has someone like Monica who is more uh. uh discliplinarin... someone who can be firm and strict.

对，我们希望艾玛身边有莫尼卡这样...懂规矩、严格的人。

Monica

Thats not how you see me, is it?

你们是这么看我的？

Phoebe while cutting a sweet potatoe in the air

No you're all about the fun.

不，你就知道玩。

Chandler

Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?

我承认我不懂带孩子，但你们真觉得我不行吗？

Ross

No, you both are equally capable. Its just... you're strongest when... when you're together.

不是，你们俩都很能干，只是你们在一起时才是最棒的。

Chandler

Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die (knocks on table) she'd have to give her up.

行，那我们一起抚养艾玛，要是我死了（敲桌子），她就得放弃抚养权？

Ross

Sure, Monica would have to give her up.

对，莫尼卡就得放弃。

Joey

I lie better then that, right?

我撒谎都比这强，是吧？

Chandler

So... let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?

我捋一下，我两个朋友死了，我得到艾玛。然后我老婆死了，我生命里唯一的希望艾玛也要被夺走？

Phoebe

There's your movie! (claps)

这剧情太适合拍电影了！（拍手）

Later on.

稍后

Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway.

莫尼卡打开家门，看到钱德勒坐在走廊里。

Monica

Hey. There you are. You disappeared after dinner.

嘿，你在这儿呢。晚饭之后你就不见了。

Chandler

Oh? Did somebody miss me? Is there a child to raise poorly?

哦？有人想我了？还是又要找人随便带孩子了？

Monica

Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean its not like their so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom.

罗斯和瑞秋就是随口说说，他们也不是多负责的人。艾玛就是一瓶梅洛红酒和一个过期五年的避孕套的产物。

Chandler

Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.

可他们说得对，我就不是个靠谱的父亲，以后也不会是。

Monica

No you learn these things. You grow into it.

你可以学啊，慢慢就会了。

Chandler

Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.

可我本性就这样。他们说的就是我一直担心要孩子的原因，都是真的，大家都看得出来。

Monica

I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.

我就不觉得！我想跟你要孩子，因为我知道你会是个超棒的爸爸，不管是陪孩子玩，还是解决难题，你都能做好。

Chandler

Oh yeah, well can you picture me saying "Go to your room! You're grounded"?

是吗？你能想象我说“回房间去！你被禁足了”吗？

Monica

Can you hear me say "You're grounded"?

你听过我说这句话吗？

Chandler

You said that to me last week.

上周你刚对我说过。

Monica

How hard is it? No shoes on the furniture.

这有什么难的？不许穿鞋踩家具。

Back to Monica and Chandler's apartment.

回到莫尼卡和钱德勒的公寓

Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad.

艾咪坐在飘窗旁的椅子上，一脸生气。

Joey groans and gets off the phone

The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me... (whiny voice) And they all got to meet Santa!

《我们的日子》的制作人给我留言了，问我为什么没去游行，说大家都气坏了...（委屈地说）他们还见到圣诞老人了！

Phoebe

It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.

没事，我给你想了个完美的谎话，好记又不会引人追问。你没去游行是因为家里有急事。

Joey

Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.

好，我喜欢这个。没去游行是因为家里有急事。

Phoebe

Ooh, what happened?

哦，发生什么事了？

Joey all nervous and looking down and fiddling with his ear

Oh... My sister's raccoon.

呃...我妹妹的浣熊出事了。

Phoebe

No! Nothing with a raccoon.

不行！别提浣熊。

Joey

Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. (throws hands out in the air)

唉...行吧，我自己想办法。

Monica and Chandler come through the front door.

莫尼卡和钱德勒走进家门。

Monica

Oh wait... What are you doing?

等等...你们在干嘛？

Joey

Setting the table.

摆桌子。

Phoebe

Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.

我们觉得用精致瓷器装甜点也不错。

Monica

Oh how nice. Maybe later we can all go blow our noses on my wedding dress.

真不错，一会儿干脆都用我的婚纱擦鼻子得了。

Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy... yeah... thats the techinal term... He goes to Chandler.

罗斯抱着尿布袋、婴儿安全座椅从客房出来，走向钱德勒。

Ross

Hey dude, you okay? Sorry about before.

嘿，兄弟，没事吧？之前的事对不起。

Chandler

Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.

没事，你们说得对，我根本不知道怎么管教孩子。但我确实挺难过的，我告诉你，我死了，乔伊也归你。

Ross walks away with a face of yeah ok.

罗斯一脸“行吧”地走开。

Amy walks over to the couch and sits down next to Rachel

Ucch. (pauses) Uchh (louder this time) In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.

切。（停顿）切——（声音更大）你没发现吗，我不跟你说话。

Rachel

UCHH! (much louder and longer then Amy's)

切——！（声音比艾咪更大更长）

Amy

You know... this... this is classic Rachel.

你就是这样，瑞秋。

Rachel

Yeah... yeah right... Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby?

是是是，记得高中时我死了，没把孩子留给你吗？

Amy

This might be my one chance to have a baby Rachel. I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my carrer.

这可能是我唯一能有孩子的机会了。我一直忙着搞事业。

Rachel

What? What carrer?

什么事业？

Amy

Um... I'm a decorator.

我是装饰师。

Rachel

Ok. You decorate dad's office and so now you're a decorator. Okay! I went to the zoo yesterday and now I'm a koala bear.

就给爸爸办公室装了一下，就成装饰师了？我昨天去了动物园，现在还是考拉呢。

Amy

Why can't you ever be supportive?

你就不能支持我一下吗？

Rachel

Sup... You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.

支持？你还好意思说？我生孩子住院，你都没来看我。

Amy

Oh. Yeah. Well... You didn't come see me when I was in the hospital when I was getting my lips done.

哦，那你也没来看我做丰唇手术啊。

Rachel

I did the first time! Oh. Oh... (gets up and walks into the kitchen) And you know what. You want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you.

第一次我去了！（起身走进厨房）我告诉你，我为什么不给你艾米丽。

Ross

Emma.

是艾玛。

Rachel turns to Ross

Oh whose side are you on? (back to Amy) I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responibility of a child.

你帮谁？（转向艾咪）我不给你艾玛，是因为你根本没能力照顾孩子。

Amy

How hard could it be? You do it.

有什么难的？你不也做到了。

Joey

ooh oooh...

哦~

Amy

Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby?

你知道你为什么不想让我养孩子吗？

Rachel

uh huh.

嗯。

Amy

Because you don't want me to be happy. You... you have always been jealous of me.

因为你不想我幸福，你一直嫉妒我。

Rachel

Jealous of what? Of your lack of responsiblity? You, your immaturity? Your total disregard of other people's feelings?

嫉妒你什么？嫉妒你没责任感、幼稚、不顾别人感受？

Amy

Uh... To name a few. You know... You know... You've just always been like this. You just have to have everything. And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?

随便举几个例子。你一直这样，什么都想要，而我什么都没有。初中时你抢走我的提米，你知道我有多伤心吗？

Rachel

Timmy was my boyfriend and you made out with him!

提米是我男朋友，是你跟他调情！

Amy

Oh come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it.

都20年前的事了，别计较了。

Rachel

I cannot, I cannot believe that I invited you here today.

我真后悔今天请你来。

Amy

Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.

我也后悔，我所谓的姐姐买拉夫劳伦能打七折，我却要付原价。

Rachel

ah ha ha. ah ha ha. (evil meancing laughter) It's forty five.

哈哈哈哈。（坏笑）是五五折。

Amy

You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and your, your small apartment. (directs this to Ross who in turns throws the towel in his hand down on the table) Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.

你真讨厌。你觉得自己完美无缺，有孩子、小公寓。（看着罗斯）我告诉你，你孩子一点都不可爱。

(everyone sucks their breath in, in shock)

（所有人倒吸一口凉气）

Ross walks over

Too far, Amy. Too far.

太过分了，艾咪。

Rachel

You take that back.

收回这句话。

Amy

No.

不。

Rachel

Take it back!

收回！

Amy

No! What are you going to do? Make me?

就不！你能把我怎么样？

Rachel

Heey man, I work out.

我可是练过的。

(Ross nods his head and points at her, in a yes manner)

（罗斯点头，指了指瑞秋，表示赞同）

Amy

So do I.

我也练过。

Rachel

I do pilates.

我练普拉提。

Amy

I do yoga.

我练瑜伽。

Rachel

Bring it on!

来啊！

(Amy pushes Rachel and Monica goes berserk and runs around the table)

（艾咪推了瑞秋一把，莫尼卡慌了，绕着桌子跑）

Monica

Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes!

把盘子收进盒子里！快收起来！

Rachel

Did you just push me?

你居然推我？

Amy

Uh, yeah I think I did.

对，我推了。

Rachel

Alright. Thats it! (Pushes Amy back)

够了！（回推艾咪）

Monica screaming at Ross

Forget the bubblewrap! There isn't time!

别管气泡膜了，来不及了！

(Rachel and Amy 'fighting'... They're really just trying to slap each other and just keep slapping their hands)

（瑞秋和艾咪“打架”，其实就是互相挥手，打不到对方）

Rachel starts messing up Amy's hair

Frizzy frizzy frizzy frizzy!!

炸毛了炸毛了！

(They go back to fighting and then it really gets on)

（两人继续打闹，越来越激烈）

Phoebe

Oh my god! Shouldn't we stop this?

天呐！我们要不要阻止她们？

Joey

What? Are you out of your mind? Lets throw some jello on them.

疯了吧？往她们身上扔果冻才好玩。

(Amy starts spitting on Rachel's hand and Rachel is saying ew and pushes her away)

（艾咪往瑞秋手上吐口水，瑞秋嫌弃地推开她）

Rachel

Ew! Gross.

好恶心。

(Amy runs towards Rachel and Rachel puts her arm out, hand on Amy's head and Amy starts trying to hit her but is missing, Rachel is moving backwards towards the table when her hand swipes the one plate left on the table on to the floor)

（艾咪冲向瑞秋，瑞秋伸手按住她的头，艾咪打不到她，瑞秋后退到桌子边，不小心把桌上最后一个盘子扫到地上）

(Everyone is shocked and Monica faints and Ross catches her)

（所有人都惊呆了，莫尼卡晕了过去，罗斯扶住了她）

Chandler

Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.

够了！这是我家，不许这么闹。成熟点，不然就别待在这儿了。这些盘子虽然没我挑的粉色盘子好看，但对莫尼卡很重要，现在立刻跟她道歉。

Amy

I'm sorry.

对不起。

Rachel

Mon, I'm so sorry.

莫尼卡，对不起。

Chandler

Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it.

好，现在你们互相真诚道歉。

Amy and Rachel at same time

Sorry.

对不起。

Chandler

By the way, that fight was totally arousing.

说真的，刚才打架还挺带劲的。

Ross

Dude. Well done. You know what? If I die, and Rachel dies and Monica dies then you can totally take care of Emma.

厉害。我宣布，要是我、瑞秋、莫尼卡都死了，艾玛就归你抚养。

Chandler

Oh yeah? Well thanks.

真的？谢了。

Ross

So, so now do I get Joey?

那我死了能得到乔伊吗？

Chandler

Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.

可以，但他一天吃五顿，还爱往鼻子里塞硬币。

(Ross ponders that and walks away)

（罗斯想了想，走开了）

Rachel

Are you okay Mon?

你没事吧莫尼卡？

Monica

uh huh... I mean these things happen. Its' just a plate. Its not like somebody died.

没事...碎就碎了，不就是个盘子嘛，又不是死人了。

Phoebe

It's all right. You can mourn.

别硬撑，难过就哭出来。

Monica starts crying

Thank you. It was so beautiful. (gets up and walks towards the front door) I'm going to go to Joeys and get the pies.

谢谢，它真的很好看。（起身走向门口）我去乔伊家拿派。

Joey

Actually its not pies, its just pie.

就一个派。

Monica

I don't care. (pauses and realizes...) Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold.

随便。（停顿，恍然大悟）天呐，我都懒得骂人了。

Rachel

Look Amy, it got a little of control...Um... and I'm sorry. You're my sister and uh... if it really means that much to you...

艾咪，刚才有点失控，对不起。你是我妹妹，要是你真这么在意...

Amy

So you're going to give me the baby?

你要把孩子给我？

Rachel

Uh. No... I was going to let you use my Ralph Lauren discount.

不是，我让你用我的拉夫劳伦折扣。

Amy

(starting to cry) You are not going to regret this.

（哭了）我不会让你后悔的。

(they hug and Rachel has this disgusted look on her face and then Emma starts crying)

（两人拥抱，瑞秋一脸嫌弃，这时艾玛哭了）

Rachel

She needs changing.

她要换尿布了。

Chandler

Oh no no no... I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. (knocks over the box of china) Well... what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.

我来我来。我超能干、超负责，还是第四顺位的艾玛监护人。艾玛我来了，拿上我的万能尿布袋。（碰倒了装瓷器的盒子）唉...看来我会是第一个死的。

COMMERCIAL BREAK

广告时间

Phoebe

Hey, does Monica know about her broken plates yet?

嘿，莫尼卡知道盘子碎了吗？

Chandler

Nope...

还没...

Phoebe

Broke them all, huh?

全碎了？

Chandler

Yep...

嗯...

Phoebe

You gonna tell her?

你要告诉她吗？

Chandler

Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.

不说...（莫尼卡走进来）嘿...我把盘子收好了，你说得对，以后很长一段时间都别用了。

Monica

Like only if the queen comes?

除非女王来？

Chandler

Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in)

就算女王来也不用。（乔伊走进来）

Joey

Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.

搞定了！我给制作人打电话说家里有急事，他信了。谢谢你教我撒谎，菲比。

Phoebe

No problem! Next week: stealing... (Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.)

不客气！下周教你偷东西...（钱德勒抱着碎瓷器盒子走开）

Monica

Bye plates!

再见了我的盘子！

Joey

Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)

你告诉她盘子全碎了？（钱德勒生气地走回来瞪着乔伊）

Monica

What? Something happened with the plates?

怎么了？盘子出什么事了？

Joey

Uhm... (looks down) Yeah... this uhm... raccoon came in...

嗯...（低头）是...一只浣熊闯进来...

End

剧终