The One With The Male Nanny

Chandler

(picking up the telephone, answering it with a frog in his throat) Hello? (he clears his throat, but he still has the same frog in his throat when he speaks again) Hello?

（接起电话，声音沙哑）喂？（清了清嗓子，再次说话时声音还是沙哑的）喂？

Monica

(in her apartment, screaming) I LOVE MY NEW JOB!

（在公寓里大喊）我爱我的新工作！

Chandler

Honey, you're screaming.

亲爱的，你在大喊大叫。

Monica

YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM! I just had the best first day ever! The kitchen: twice as big as Allessandro's.

我当然要喊！这是我有史以来最棒的入职第一天！厨房比亚历山德罗餐厅的大两倍。

Chandler

(yawning) Oh, that's great.

（打哈欠）哦，那太好了。

Monica

Yeah, a-a-and clean. Not just health department clean... Monica clean.

而且特别干净。不只是卫生部门达标的干净，是莫妮卡标准的干净。

Chandler

(clearly not so interested) Awesome.

（明显没什么兴趣）真棒。

Monica

Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)

同事人也超好。有个叫杰夫瑞的，是餐厅领班，钱德你肯定会喜欢他。毫无疑问，他是我见过最有趣的人。（差点又睡着的钱德瞬间从床上坐直，不敢相信自己听到的话。）

Mike

This is nice.

这样真好。

Phoebe

I know! (Phoebe picks up a little packet of sugar, shakes it, and then realizes she can't open it with one hand, but doesn't want to let go of Mike's hand. She tries to tear open the packet with one hand.)

可不是嘛！（拿起一小包糖晃了晃，发现单手打不开，又不想松开迈克的手，试着单手撕开糖包。）

Mike

You need both hands for that?

这需要两只手？

Phoebe

Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)

嗯，好像是。（迈克松开她的手）那这样呢？（抓起迈克的手放在自己胸口，撕开糖包倒进咖啡里。迈克想了想，赞许地点点头。之后两人又牵起手。乔伊走进来，看到两人牵着手坐在沙发上。）

Joey

(in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)

（故作甜蜜的语气）啊～看你们俩，牵着手呢，这是要认真了吗？（菲比和迈克有些尴尬，语无伦次地看向别处。）你们还没聊过这事？（两人没说话，只是笑着。）我是不是让你们不舒服了？（两人的笑容变得勉强，乔伊看向迈克）你要是再壮点，肯定要揍我了吧？（转身走向吧台）

Phoebe

I'm sorry... I'm sorry. It's obviously way too early for us to be... having that conversation.

抱歉……抱歉。我们现在聊这个，显然太早了。

Mike

Is it?

是吗？

Phoebe

(in a flash she answers) Maybe not, is it?

（立刻回应）或许也不算早，对吧？

Mike

Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...

好吧，我离婚后，以为很长一段时间都不会对谁有这种感觉了……而且我也没想到会遇到你这样的人……可能有点突然，但我想把这个给你……（伸手去口袋里拿东西，不太好拿……菲比一脸疑惑地看着他。终于掏出个东西）不对，不是这个，是口香糖。（又掏了掏）哦，五块钱……这种意外之财还挺开心的，你懂的，没想到口袋里还有钱。

Phoebe

(impatient) I know Mike, why don't you keep digging?

（不耐烦）我知道，迈克，你接着掏不行吗？

Mike

Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)

抱歉。（又掏了掏，终于找到要找的东西，一把钥匙。）

Phoebe

Oh, it's a key. To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars.

哦，是钥匙。说实话，我更想要那五块钱。

Mike

It's to my apartment.

是我公寓的钥匙。

Phoebe

(really surprised) Oh wow, ooh! Ooh, big step for Phoebe and Mike.

（非常惊讶）哇哦！菲比和迈克的关系又进了一大步。

Mike

Yeah, look, and I don't want you to feel like you have to give me your key just because...

是啊，我不想让你觉得，你也必须给我你的钥匙才……

Phoebe

Oh no, I want to.

不会的，我很乐意给。

Mike

Oh, thank God. (he laughs nervously, and Phoebe gets her keychain from her bag.)

谢天谢地。（紧张地笑了笑，菲比从包里拿出钥匙链。）

Phoebe

Yeah... ooh... wow... Even started to think I'd never meet someone that, you know, I wanted to... do this with. Here you go. (Both Phoebe and Mike look really proud.)

是啊……哇……我甚至一度觉得，再也遇不到能让我愿意做这种事的人了。给你。（菲比和迈克都一脸自豪。）

Mike

Is this cool, huh?

这样挺好的吧？

Phoebe

It really is.

真的很好。

Joey

(sitting at his table) Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh! (mimes opening a door with his own keys, Phoebe looks at him in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" way.)

（坐在自己的桌子旁）可不是嘛，这小东西居然能开门，真神奇！（用自己的钥匙比划开门的动作，菲比一脸无语地看着他。）

Rachel

So I don't go back to work for another four weeks, but we would like our nanny to start right away, so that Emma could get a chance to know her.

我还有四周才回去上班，但我们希望保姆能立刻入职，这样艾玛能有时间熟悉她。

Nanny Candidate

(in a sweet, caring voice) I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better. (Ross and Rachel seem pleased with the answer.)

（温柔贴心的语气）我觉得这个想法特别好，让孩子平稳过渡最重要。（罗斯和瑞秋对这个回答很满意。）

Rachel

That's great, great. So do you have any questions for us?

太好了。你有什么想问我们的吗？

Nanny Candidate

Not really.

没什么问题。

Rachel

All right. Well thank you so much for coming... (they're standing up and make their way to the door)

好的，谢谢你来面试……（两人起身走向门口。）

Ross

Thank you.

谢谢。

Rachel

Really nice to meet you... and we'll call you.

很高兴认识你，我们会联系你的。

Nanny Candidate

Oh, you know, wait. I do have one question. (she starts playing with her hair) Do you guys do random drug testing?

等等，我有个问题。（拨弄着头发）你们会随机给保姆做药检吗？

Ross

Boy, we uhm... hadn't really thought of that.

天呐，我们……还真没想过这个。

Nanny Candidate

That's cool. But... but if you do, I'm gonna need three days notice.

没事。但如果要做的话，得提前三天通知我。

Rachel

Okidoki! (and she slams the door in the nanny's face while Ross crumples up the application form) Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.

好哒！（当着保姆的面摔上门，罗斯把申请表揉成一团）天呐！我们肯定找不到保姆了。

Ross

Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews (They sit down and Rachel sighs) And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.

别灰心，瑞秋，肯定能找到的，我保证。还有好几场面试呢。（两人坐下，瑞秋叹了口气）实在不行，我们可以再考虑第一个面试的那个。

Rachel

(indignant) What, the blonde with no bra?

（气愤）什么？那个没穿内衣的金发女？

Ross

She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.

她是金发吗？（惊讶了几秒，随即露出了然的表情……敲门声响起。）稍等！好了，下一个叫桑迪，有幼儿教育学位，在上一户人家做了三年。

Rachel

Okay... (Ross opens the door.)

好……（罗斯打开门。）

Sandy

(a guy) Hi... I'm Sandy.

（男性）嗨，我是桑迪。

Ross

And she's a little mannish...

还以为她有点男性化呢……

Phoebe

(gasps) Oh my God! David!

（倒吸一口气）天呐！大卫！

David

Hi! I-i-is this a bad time?

嗨！我来的不是时候吗？

Phoebe

(excited) No! It's a great time, come in...! WOW, hi... Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Are you back from Minsk?

（兴奋）没有！来得正好，快进来！哇，嗨，天呐！你怎么来了？从明斯克回来了？

David

Well, just for a couple of days, uhm... I'm here to explain to the people who gave us our grant, why it's a positive thing that we spent all their money and uhm... accomplished uhm... nothing.

就来几天。我来给资助我们的人解释，为什么我们花光了他们所有的钱，却……一无所成，也是件好事。

Phoebe

Who cares, it got you here.

管他呢，反正你回来了。

David

Well, it got me to New York anyway, and then I got on a cab at the airport, and the guy said where to? and I just... gave him your address I... I... I didn't even think about it.

反正我到纽约了，在机场打出租车，司机问我去哪，我想都没想，就报了你的地址。

Phoebe

Wow. Where is your luggage? (David thinks for a while)

哇。你的行李呢？（大卫想了想。）

David

Damn it!

糟了！

Phoebe

A-All right, well... I'll call the cab company.

没事，我打电话给出租车公司问问。

David

Wa... wa... wait! We can... call them later. Can you just... just stand there f-f-for a moment? Boy! There's an old Russian expression, uhm... it goes: Schto ya ztez vigul... ui! Roughly translated that means uhm... This thing that I'm looking at: wow!

等一下！晚点再打。你能……先站一会儿吗？俄罗斯有句老话，大概意思是，眼前的人，美得让人惊叹。

Phoebe

Thank you! God, no! You should see me when... Oh actually, no, I look pretty good.

谢谢！天呐，别这么说，你没见过我……哦，算了，我今天确实挺好看的。

David

Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)

你在开玩笑吗？很久不见一个人，总会在心里美化对方，告诉自己别痴心妄想，没人能那么美，但你，真的做到了。（菲比被夸得很开心）对了，你现在……有交往的人吗？（菲比还沉浸在赞美里，没回过神。）

Phoebe

No...

没有……

Phoebe

I'm... I'm just... I'm the worst person ever. How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike?

我真是个坏人，怎么能瞒着大卫我在和迈克交往呢？

Monica

Maybe he didn't give you a chance.

或许他没给你机会说。

Phoebe

He said: Are you seeing someone? And I said no...

他问我有没有交往的人，我说没有……

Monica

Oh, well... That had been your window.

那你当时就该说的。

Phoebe

Yeah! I mean, I don't know. I was just , I was looking, I was looking in his eyes and I was just thinking: Oh my God! It's David. David's here. He's just, he's so irresistible.

可不是嘛！我当时看着他的眼睛，满脑子都是，天呐，是大卫，大卫回来了，他太有魅力了。

Monica

Really? The scientist guy?

是吗？那个科学家？

Phoebe

Really? Chandler?

可不是嘛，对吧钱德？

Monica

Continue...

你接着说。

Phoebe

Oh.Okay, then it gets worse, 'cause then I told him that I would see him tomorrow night.

更糟的是，我还答应他明晚见面。

Monica

Phoebe!

菲比！

Phoebe

I know! (points at herself) Evil! And... and... and... I like Mike so much, you know. It's just going really well. Oh my God!

我知道！（指着自己）我太坏了！我又很喜欢迈克，我们发展得特别好，天呐！

Monica

Wow, isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?

真讽刺，你和迈克刚交换钥匙，大卫就回来了。

Phoebe

(sarcastically) Uhuh... Yeah...!, you know. And given my life long search for irony, you can imagine how happy I am.

（讽刺地）可不是嘛，我这辈子就爱追求讽刺的事，这下可“开心”了。

Monica

What are you gonna do?

那你打算怎么办？

Phoebe

I mean I guess, I just have to... tell David that nothing can happen between us. Unless I don't... You know, complicated moral situation, no right, no wrong...

我想我只能告诉大卫，我们之间不可能了。但我又不想……这种道德困境，太难了，没有对错可言。

Monica

You have to tell David!

你必须告诉大卫！

Phoebe

Okay, I knew I should have had this conversation with Joey.

早知道就找乔伊商量了。

Chandler

(angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)

（生气）她见过最有趣的人！（对着门说）我也很有趣，对吧？你懂什么，你就是扇门，就会听敲门笑话……（自嘲地笑了笑，又坚定起来）进屋再算账！（走进公寓。）

Monica

Heeeeeey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.

俄克拉荷马州太离谱了，人称“抢先之州”，说实话，我宁愿去任何其他州。（莫妮卡和菲比面面相觑，不知说什么。）还有俄克拉荷马州那锅柄形状，其他州也能这么搞吗？我老家怀俄明州，腰带那一带，七岁的时候搬到了胯部那片。

Monica

(Doesn't believe what she's hearing) Was your cabin pressurised?

（难以置信）你住的小屋是加压的吗？

Chandler

(laughs, but then moves to Phoebe) And don't get me started on the way that people from Tulsa talk.

（笑了笑，转向菲比）更别说塔尔萨人说话的方式了。

Phoebe

Okay. (and she walks away)

行了。（走开了。）

Chandler

What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?

他们总说y'all，就是把两个词凑在一起。大家都能这么缩写吗？要是可以，干脆随便缩好了，新狮子狗（new poodle）可以叫面条（noodle），炸鸡（fried chicken）叫该死的（fricken）。服务员，给我一份该死的？（莫妮卡笑了）你看，fricken这个梗很好笑吧？

Monica

No, it just remind me of something this guy did today at work. I told you about that funny guy, Geoffrey, right?

不好笑，不过让我想起今天上班时杰夫瑞的趣事，我跟你说过那个有趣的杰夫瑞吧？

Chandler

Yeah, he came up...

说过，他怎么了？

Monica

Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)

他讲了个段子，你不在现场可能get不到，就是莉萨·明内利被锁进冰箱，生吃一只生鸡。（菲比大笑起来。）

Chandler

(to Phoebe) Were you there?

（看向菲比）你当时在？

Phoebe

No, but it sounds like it was fricken funny...

不在，但听着就超级好笑……

Sandy

I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart... (Ross has got that bored/angry/skeptic look and Rachel is very emotional)

我特别理解，把孩子交给陌生人有多难，就像把自己的心分出去一块。（罗斯一脸厌烦、生气又怀疑，瑞秋则十分感动。）

Rachel

Sandy, that's exactly what it is...

桑迪，你说得太对了。

Ross

Are you gay? (Rachel turns to Ross in an embarrassed way)

你是同性恋吗？（瑞秋尴尬地看向罗斯。）

Rachel

Ross!

罗斯！

Sandy

It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do. But I am straight. I-I'm engaged actually.

没事，干我这行经常被这么问。我是异性恋，而且已经订婚了。

Rachel

Oh!

哦！

Sandy

Her name is Deliah.

她叫迪莉娅。

Rachel

Oh, that's pretty.

名字真好听。

Ross

(skeptic) So you're just like a... guy who's a nanny?

（怀疑）所以你就是个……当保姆的男人？

Sandy

I realise how it's... a bit unorthodox for some people, but I really believe, the most satisfying thing you can do with your life, is take care of a child.

我知道这对有些人来说有点反常，但我坚信，人生最有成就感的事，就是照顾孩子。

Ross

(on a yeah, right tone) Okay.

（敷衍）行吧。

Sandy

Like in my last job, I met Daniel when he was three weeks old. And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person... When I left, I said: I'll see you soon... And he said to me: Skdandy... (Ross and Rachel look puzzled) That was his name for me... I'll see you every day... right in... (points at his heart, but starts to cry before he can finish his sentence. Rachel tries to comfort him, but Ross has this "you've got to be kidding me" look all over him)

上一份工作，丹尼尔才三周大我就开始照顾他，看着他长成这么棒的孩子。我离开时说，我们很快会再见，他叫我小桑迪，说我们每天都会再见，就在……（指着胸口，没说完就哭了起来。瑞秋上前安慰他，罗斯则一脸无语。）

Ross

Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. (In the other room Emma starts to cry.)

小孩子都爱说些不着边际的话。（另一个房间的艾玛哭了。）

Rachel

Oh God, she mu... she must need her diaper changed.

天呐，她肯定是要换尿布了。

Sandy

Oh, oh, I can do it for her, if you want...

我可以帮忙换。

Rachel

Oh, that would be great! (Sandy leaves for Emma's room) I love him, I love him, I love him...

太好了！（桑迪去艾玛的房间）我太喜欢他了。

Ross

Oh, come on, Rach, he's a guy!

瑞秋，别这样，他是个男的！

Rachel

So wh..? He's smart, he's qualified. Give me one good reason we shouldn't try him out.

男的又怎么了？他聪明又专业，你说个不试用他的理由。

Ross

Because, it's weird!

因为太奇怪了！

Rachel

Why?

为什么？

Ross

What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...

男人当保姆算什么工作？就像女人想当……

Rachel

(she's got that "yeah, try to say it" look on her face) Yes?

（挑衅地看着他）想当什么？

Ross

King?

国王？

Sandy

I er... I hope you don't mind. I used some of my home-made lotion on Emma. It's a mixture of calendula and honey cream. It'll dry that rash right up. Plus... it keeps the hands young... (it makes Rachel smile)

希望你们别介意，我给艾玛涂了点我自制的乳液，金盏花和蜂蜜做的，能快速消皮疹，还能护手。（瑞秋笑了。）

Rachel

(whispering and begging) Please? (Ross makes a "whatever" gesture) YES! Sandy you're hired.

（小声恳求）就用他吧？（罗斯无所谓地摆摆手）太好了！桑迪，你被录用了。

Sandy

That's great! (He gets emotional again and waves his hand in front of his face in a feminine way, like trying to dry his tears) I'm sorry. It's just... such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family...

太好了！（又情绪激动，用手温柔地擦眼泪）抱歉，能被一个家庭接纳，太让人感动了。

Ross

You gotta be at least bi...

他至少是双性恋……

Chandler

Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.

嘿！（乔伊没抬头，用手指示意稍等，看完文章。钱德等着。）我要你帮我配合个笑话，等会儿莫妮卡过来，你就问我消防车的事。

Joey

Ooh. I-I don't know Chan. I'm not so good with remembering lines.

钱德，我怕记不住台词。

Chandler

(Can't believe what he hears) Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.

（难以置信）谢天谢地你不靠这个吃饭。

Joey

I know, right? (Chandler has really big eyes, and nods) Wh... Wh... Why are we doing this?

可不是嘛。（钱德瞪大眼点头）为什么要这么做？

Chandler

Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.

莫妮卡说她餐厅的领班是她见过最有趣的人。

Joey

Seriously? She actually said that?

真的？她真这么说？

Chandler

Yes! Am I crazy to be this upset?

对啊！我生气很过分吗？

Joey

Nooooo! Being funny is your thing!

一点都不过分！搞笑是你的专属技能！

Chandler

Yeah!

可不是嘛！

Joey

Without that, you just got "lame with women".

没了这个，你对女人来说就只剩无趣了。

Chandler

Ye.... (stops because he realizes what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)

对……（反应过来乔伊说的话，盯着他。莫妮卡走进来。）

Monica

Hi! There you are.

嘿，你们在这儿。

Joey

(sees Monica) Fire trucks! (Chandlers eyes double in size and he turns to Monica who doesn't understand what's happening. Then he turns back to Joey, who says "you're welcome" without a sound)

（看到莫妮卡）消防车！（钱德眼睛瞪得更大，看向一脸疑惑的莫妮卡，又看向乔伊，乔伊无声地说了句“不客气”。）

David

Wow, you look even... more beautiful than you did yesterday.

哇，你比昨天更美了。

Phoebe

Oof...

呃……

David

In fact, ehm... I going to kiss you now. (David holds Phoebe and wants to kiss her.)

我现在想吻你。（抱住菲比，想吻她。）

Phoebe

Oh, wait, wait!

等等！

David

Yeah, I-I don't, I can't get away with stuff like that. I-I-It sounded sexy in my head, so I...

我知道有点唐突，只是在我脑子里这个画面很浪漫，所以……

Phoebe

No, no, it's not that. (they go sit on the couch) Uhm... Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? Well, uhm... I am. His ... his name is Mike.

不是这个。（两人坐到沙发上）你之前问我有没有交往的人，我说没有，其实我有，他叫迈克。

David

Oh... oh...

哦……

Phoebe

Yeah, I should have told you.

我早该告诉你的。

David

No... well, yeah.

没事……确实该说。

Phoebe

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

对不起。

David

Well, i-it's okay. I-I-I understand... Well, s... well, are you happy with this guy?

没事，我理解。你和他在一起开心吗？

Phoebe

I am happy.

我很开心。

David

Damn it! I-I'm sorry. I-I don't mean that. I-I want you to be happy... But only with me. No, uhm... that's not fair. Uh, who cares, leave him!. Oh, I don't mean that. Yes I do... I'm sorry Uhm, I... I think I should probably uhm... go...

该死！抱歉，我不是故意的。我希望你幸福，但只能和我在一起。不对，这不公平。算了，离开他！不对，我不该这么说，我是真心的……抱歉，我想我该走了。

Phoebe

Well... but David, just... I just want you to know that... that... you know... telling you this... is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

大卫，我想让你知道，告诉你这件事，是我做过最难的决定之一。

David

Well... just so you know... hearing it wasn't exactly a Vladnik carnival either... Can we at least hug goodbye?

我也一样，听到这个消息我也很难过。能拥抱一下告别吗？

Phoebe

Of course, yeah.(they hug and Phoebe sighs... a little after that also David sighs and makes his way to the door) You know, a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be totally inappropriate...

当然可以。（两人拥抱，菲比叹了口气，大卫也叹了口气，走向门口）亲一下脸颊也没关系吧？

David

No... no...

不太合适。

Phoebe

I mean... (David kisses Phoebe on the cheek, makes his way to the door and turns around again) In Minsk...

没事的。（大卫亲了亲菲比的脸颊，走到门口又转身）在明斯克……

Phoebe

Yeah?

怎么？

David

...it's uhm... i-it's two on each cheek and uhm... and one on the lips.

那边的习俗是，两边脸颊各亲两下，再亲一下嘴唇。

Phoebe

Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... (They kiss 2 on each cheek... and then they pause... David turns to the door) In New York... it's... (and then David grabs her by her neck and kisses her full on the lips... They kiss passionately and cannot seem to stop.)

那我们就按明斯克的习俗来。（两人互相亲了脸颊，停顿片刻，大卫转身准备走）在纽约，习俗是……（大卫突然捧起她的脸，深情地吻了下去，两人忘情地拥吻。）

Rachel

(in a tearful voice) Oh... Oh boy... (she turns around and sees Ross) Hi...

（带着哭腔）天呐……（转身看到罗斯）嗨……

Ross

(very worried) Is everything All right?

（担心）没事吧？

Sandy

Well, her favourite flower is the camellia. >From the poem...

她最喜欢山茶花，有首诗里写过……

Rachel

I can't... I can't hear it again.

我听一次哭一次。

Sandy

You know, I can't tell it again... (wipes his tears again)

我也一样。（又擦了擦眼泪。）

Ross

And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?

我没听过也挺好的。（瑞秋不满地看着他）瑞秋，跟我过来一下。

Rachel

Yeah! (to Sandy) Excuse me... (She walks to the kitchen with Ross and sighs)

好。（对桑迪说）失陪一下。（和罗斯走到厨房，叹了口气。）

Ross

Do you realise that man has cried in our apartment three times...? Huh? I haven't cried that many times since I moved in.

你知道吗？他在我们家已经哭三次了，我搬进来都没哭这么多次。

Rachel

Look, Ross, he's just... Sandy is just sensitive, that's all.

罗斯，他只是比较感性而已。

Ross

(picks up a cookie) Okay, okay, see... that... that is the problem. He is too sensitive. (takes a bite from the cookie)

（拿起一块饼干）问题就在这，他太感性了。（咬了一口饼干。）

Rachel

What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?

感性怎么了？照顾宝宝感性点不好吗？

Ross

(speaking with his mouth full) Yeah, I mean, all things that guy... (looks at the cookie) These are amazing!

（嘴里塞满饼干）他整个人都太……（看着饼干）太好吃了！

Rachel

Sandy made Madeleines.

这是桑迪做的玛德琳蛋糕。

Ross

This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks. (takes a careful bite from the cookie)

我就是这个意思！男人怎么会做这么精致的法式小蛋糕？一点都不粗犷，没有大块果干的男人味蛋糕。（小心翼翼地又咬了一口。）

Rachel

Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.

我都不知道说什么了，没想到你这么在意男人有没有男人味。你又不是刚从牧场回来的糙汉子。

Ross

Hey... there's sensitive... and there is too sensitive.

感性和过度感性是两回事。

Rachel

Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)

什么叫过度感性？（客厅传来音乐声，罗斯打开门，看到桑迪用竖笛给艾玛吹曲子。瑞秋很感动，罗斯却觉得自己的想法没错，生气地走回厨房，门反弹撞到瑞秋。）

Phoebe

Hmmm... No, no... No, I can't do this. It's bad.

嗯……不行，不能这样，这样不对。

David

But... I-I-It's nice... A-a-and... nice is good. A-a-and good is not bad, ergo, w-w-we should keep kissing.

但这很美好，美好就是好事，好事就没错，所以我们该继续吻下去。

Phoebe

No, no. No.

不行。

David

But... ergo...

所以……

Phoebe

Look David, if... if you had never left, then... yeah, we'd probably still be together right now, but... you did leave, and I-I'm with Mike and I really care about him...

大卫，如果你当初没走，我们现在可能还在一起，但你走了，我现在和迈克在一起，我很在乎他。

David

Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui... (David holds his hands gently on the back of Phoebe's neck. There's a sound of a a bunch of keys rattling, and the door opens... It's Mike)

好吧，再见。（双手轻轻捧着菲比的后颈，钥匙转动的声音响起，门开了，是迈克。）

Mike

Well... hey, the key works...! (he looks as if he doesn't want to believe what's happening)

钥匙还挺好用的。（看到眼前一幕，难以置信。）

Phoebe

(points to David) And you thanks for the face massage. Thank you.

（指着大卫）他刚帮我按摩脸呢，谢谢。

Ross

Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny?

瑞秋跟你说我们雇了个男保姆吗？

Monica

Yeah! I think that's great!

说了，我觉得挺好的！

Ross

Oh really? Did she tell you he plays the recorder, recites poetry and bakes Madeleines?

是吗？她有没有说他会吹竖笛、背诗、烤玛德琳蛋糕？

Monica

Oh... How are they?

蛋糕好吃吗？

Ross

(looks like in heaven) Lighter than air... (changes back to serious) But that's not the point. (Joey now also enters)

（一脸享受）入口即化。（严肃起来）重点不是这个。（乔伊走进来。）

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Hey...! Rachel and I hired a male nanny.

嘿，我和瑞秋雇了个男保姆。

Joey

(looks surprised) Really...? Guys do that...? That's... weird...

（惊讶）真的？男人还干这个？太奇怪了。

Ross

Thank you!

就是说嘛！

Joey

That's like a woman wanting to be a...

就像女人想当……

Ross

...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?

想当什么？说啊！

Monica

Yes... What is the end of that sentence?

对啊，想当什么？

Joey

Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?

呃……阴茎模特。（莫妮卡一脸震惊，罗斯拍了拍乔伊的背。）对了，你跟钱德说你同事是你见过最有趣的人了吗？

Monica

Yeah, so?

说了，怎么了？

Ross

Wow!

天呐！

Joey

Really? Do you not know Chandler?

你还不了解钱德吗？

Monica

Is that why he's acting so weird...? He's jealous...? Oh my God, that is crazy. It's not like I'm attracted to Geoffrey...

他最近怪怪的是因为这个？吃醋了？天呐，太离谱了，我又不喜欢杰夫瑞。

Joey

So what? Being funny is Chandler's thing... You know, like Ross's thing is... (he can't come up with anything)

吃醋怎么了？搞笑是钱德的专属技能，就像罗斯的专属技能是……（想不出来。）

Ross

Science...? Academia...? Being a good father...?

科学？学术？当好爸爸？

Joey

...No... (he just can't seem to grasp it)

都不是。

Monica

I can't believe he's that upset about this...

没想到他这么在意。

Joey

Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)

莫妮卡，你得安抚一下他，他现在觉得……（门开了，钱德拿着披萨走进来。）

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Heeeyy! Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

What are you guys talking about?

你们聊什么呢？

Ross

Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")

我和瑞秋雇了个男保姆。（乔伊做了个难以置信的表情和声音。）

Chandler

You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)

男保姆？男保？（莫妮卡夸张地大笑，乔伊也跟着笑，拍了拍罗斯，三人假笑起来，钱德又开心了。）

Chandler

You know, I don't mind a... male nanny, but I do draw the line at a male wetnurse. (again they laugh, even more fake than before)

我不介意男保姆，但男奶妈可不行。（三人笑得更假了。）

Monica

Ohhh, ooohhh... you are on a roll, mister!

你今天梗好多！

Chandler

If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza. (they all burst out in a thundering laugh)

早知道你们来，我就多买点披萨了。（三人爆笑。）

Monica

Okay, okay... Chandler you... you stop it! (Monica wipes away tears)

好了好了，别讲了。（擦了擦笑出来的眼泪。）

Chandler

What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)

这有什么好笑的？（三人意识到他没在开玩笑。）

Monica

Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy! (Chandler turns to Joey)

不知道，就是你说话的样子很好笑，你就是很有趣，天生的搞笑体质。（钱德看向乔伊。）

Chandler

Did you tell her what we talked about? (Joey starts laughing hysterically, but then gets serious again...)

你把我们商量的事告诉她了？（乔伊大笑，随即严肃起来。）

Joey

Yeah....

说了。

Chandler

So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)

所以你们是同情我才笑的？（乔伊和罗斯走开了。）

Monica

Honey, listen... You have nothing to worry about with Geoffrey.

亲爱的，别担心杰夫瑞。

Chandler

Oh yeah? Is he funnier than me?

是吗？他比我有趣？

Monica

Well, you're... you're different funny... I mean, you're... you're more sarcastic a-a-and... well, he does... bits... and impressions... and... and limericks...

你们的搞笑风格不一样，你更擅长讽刺，他会段子、模仿、打油诗。

Chandler

I do limericks... uhm... There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside.

我也会打油诗，有个男人叫钱德，老婆让他心已死。

Monica

Honey, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? (he laughs) That slayed me.

我觉得你超好笑，上周你讲的杰瑞·刘易斯和斜视女孩的笑话，我笑疯了。

Ross

Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)

那个笑话是我编的！（指着钱德，乔伊示意他别说话。）

Joey

Not knowing when to shut up...

就是管不住嘴。

Ross

Yep! That's my thing...

对，这就是我的专属技能。

Mike

So... how many guys have your key?

所以，你有多少个男人有你家钥匙？

Phoebe

No, no, no, no, no... It's not... it's not... i'ts not as bad as it looks... really. I was just saying goodbye to an old friend.

不是你想的那样，我只是跟老朋友告别。

Mike

Your lipstick's on his mouth.

你的口红印在他嘴上了。

David

Oh, uh... we just uh... happen to wear the same shade.

我们只是刚好口红色号一样。

Phoebe

No, uhm... David and I did use to go out... but years ago, and he lives in Minsk. He's only... he's only in town for a couple of days.

我和大卫以前交往过，很多年前了，他住在明斯克，这次就来几天。

Mike

Did you uhm...

你是不是……

Phoebe

No, no...

没有。

Mike

...kiss him?

吻他了？

Phoebe

Oh, well, yeah...

嗯，吻了。

David

Yes, but uhm... You should know... she really likes you. I-In fact I-I-I don't think you realise j-just how lucky you are fella. (he points at Mike)

但她真的很喜欢你，你根本不知道自己多幸运。（指着迈克。）

Mike

Don't point your finger at me.

别用手指着我。

David

Why? Wh-What are you going to do about it?

怎么？你想怎么样？

Mike

Well... I'll... just show you what I'm gonna do about it... (he hits David's finger with his finger and they start to finger-fight using their fingers as swords saying all kinds of macho crap)

我就让你看看我要做什么。（用手指戳大卫的手指，两人用手指比划打架，说着各种逞强的话。）

Phoebe

Stop it! Stop it, before someone gets really hurt! (they stop and Phoebe gets David's jacket and gives it to him) Here David, you should just go.

别闹了，小心受伤！（两人停下，菲比拿过大卫的外套给他）大卫，你该走了。

David

All right... But... if I ever do come back from Minsk... (points at Mike) well, you just better watch out.

好，要是我从明斯克回来，你给我小心点。

Mike

Well, if I ever goto Minsk, you'd better watch out.

我要是去明斯克，你也小心点。

David

Oh, you're going to Minsk?

你要去明斯克？

Mike

Well, I might.

有可能。

David

Really? Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there.

那挺好，春天来，风景超美。

Phoebe

Okay, well... guys?

好了，别闹了。

David

Right... Goodbye Phoebe. (Makes a move to kiss her.)

好，再见菲比。（想吻她。）

Mike

Hey, what are you kidding me?

你开玩笑吧？

David

Right-o, right-o... (to Mike) Take good care of her. (and he leaves)

好好好，照顾好她。（离开。）

Phoebe

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If you... If you want your key back, I totally understand.

对不起，真的对不起。你要是想要回钥匙，我完全理解。

Mike

It's never gonna happen again right?

不会再有下次了吧？

Phoebe

Right! Never! Never! I swear! (They kiss... The door opens and David comes in again.)

绝对不会！我发誓！（两人拥吻，门开了，大卫又走进来。）

David

I-I... Oh I...I just wanna say uhm... if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number (gives Mike a business card) We'll uhm... we'll party up Vladnik style. (He leaves again)

我就是想说，你要是来明斯克，打我电话。（给迈克一张名片）我们好好聚聚。（再次离开。）

Joey

Yeah! All right! Hey, hey Ross. Check it out! Sandy taught me Hot-cross Buns.

罗斯你看！桑迪教我吹《热十字面包》了。

Ross

Really? Sounded like Three Blind Mice.

是吗？听着像《三只盲鼠》。

Joey

Noooo... Three Blind Mice goes like this... (he puts his fingers in position on the recorder)

不是，《三只盲鼠》是这样的。（在竖笛上摆出指法。）

Ross

(looks angrily at Joey and points at him) I swear to God...! (Joey is in shock)

（生气地指着乔伊）我真是服了！（乔伊一脸震惊。）

Sandy

Who's up for puppets?

谁要玩木偶？

Joey

Me! I'm up for puppets!

我我我！

Sandy

Well, please welcome... The Snufflebumps... Who wants to be mr. Wigglemunch and who's gonna be the Grumpus?

欢迎鼻涕虫木偶组合！谁当扭扭先生，谁当暴躁怪？

Ross

Okay, okay... How exactly is a two month old supposed to appreciate puppets?

两个月大的宝宝看得懂木偶戏吗？

Sandy

Actually studies have shown that the movement and colours help their cerebral development... The whimsical characters are just for us. (He winks to Joey and Rachel. Ross's face says he disapproves. Joey sees that and kind of angrily says...)

研究表明，动作和色彩有助于宝宝大脑发育，可爱的角色是演给我们看的。（冲乔伊和瑞秋眨眼，罗斯一脸不认同，乔伊生气地说。）

Joey

I wanna be Mr. Wigglemunch. (and makes a "there" nod to Ross)

我当扭扭先生。（挑衅地看向罗斯。）

Ross

(shakes his head) Oh my God!

（摇头）天呐！

Sandy

Well, I guess we know who's gonna be the Grumpus... (Ross goes to the kitchen)

看来暴躁怪有人选了。（罗斯走进厨房。）

Rachel

That was kind of rude!

你刚才太没礼貌了！

Ross

Oh, I'm sorry. Please apologise to Sandy and the Snufflebumps for me.

抱歉，你替我向桑迪和鼻涕虫木偶道歉吧。

Rachel

You know, he was just doing his job...

他只是在工作而已。

Ross

Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.

抱歉，只有我不喜欢这个“欢乐满人间”式的保姆，但我真的接受不了。

Rachel

Oh, come on Ross...

别这样……

Ross

No! Hey, you know what? I'm sorry. I would never force you... to hire someone you were this uncomfortable with...

我不会逼你雇你不喜欢的人。

Rachel

(sighs) Oh... That's true.

这倒也是。

Ross

Thank you!

谢谢！

Rachel

Well, you're the one who wants to fire him, so you're gonna have to do it. (Ross walks to the living room determined to fire Sandy)

你想辞退他，就得你去说。（罗斯走向客厅，下定决心辞退桑迪。）

Sandy

(In a puppet voice) So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...

（木偶音）扭扭先生，所以分享很重要哦。

Joey

(kind of emotional) I am learning so much from you.

（感动）我从你这学到了好多。

Chandler

Well, I'm off to Tulsa, so if your Maitre D. friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes, tell him to e-mail me at www.hahanotsomuch.com.

我要去塔尔萨了，你那个领班朋友要是有俄克拉荷马的笑话，让他发邮件给我，邮箱是www.hahanotsomuch.com。

Monica

Honey, you can relax. Last night at work, Geoffrey told this really sexist joke. After that, not so funny anymore.

别吃醋了，昨晚杰夫瑞讲了个性别歧视的笑话，一点都不好笑了。

Chandler

Really...? See... that's the thing: you gotta keep it smart, people!

可不是嘛，讲笑话得有水平。

Monica

Okay, don't miss that flight. You know I love you.

别误了航班，我爱你。

Chandler

I love you too. (Monica and Chandler kiss. He turns to Joey.) And... I like you as a friend. (They hug and pat each other on the back.)

我也爱你。（两人亲吻，转向乔伊）我也喜欢你这个朋友。（两人拥抱拍背。）

Joey

All right. See you later!

再见！

Chandler

See ya! (he leaves the apartment)

再见！（离开公寓。）

Joey

(to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?

他真讲了那种笑话？

Monica

Naaaa... He still kills me. Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear... a little pee came out.

骗你的，他还是超好笑，昨晚笑到我都失禁了。

Ross

Here goes...

来了。

Rachel

I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo. (Ross walks to the couch where Sandy sits)

我不敢看，像辞退芝麻街的艾摩。（罗斯走向桑迪坐的沙发。）

Ross

Sandy... Hi, we uhm... we kinda need to talk. I'm afraid it's not working out.

桑迪，我们得谈谈，恐怕你不太适合这份工作。

Sandy

(surprised) Oh...

（惊讶）哦……

Ross

Yeah, uhm... I mean, Rachel and I, think you are great... with Emma... uhm... We just feel...

你照顾艾玛做得很好，只是我们觉得……

Rachel

(from behind the bedroom door) YOU! You feel!

（在卧室门口）是你觉得！

Ross

I... just feel that the... the chemistry isn't right. I'm sorry. We're... we're more than happy to give you good recommendation...

我觉得我们之间不合拍，抱歉，我们可以给你写很好的推荐信。

Sandy

Oh, no, no, no... That's okay. I got a lot of offers from other families. I just picked you guys because... I liked you the best.

没事，我收到很多家庭的邀请，选你们是因为最喜欢你们家。

Rachel

(from bedroom) Oh, damn you Geller!

（在卧室）盖勒，你真过分！

Ross

Anyway, uhm...Well, I'm glad there's no hard feelings.

没意见就好。

Sandy

No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.

没有，你家里的人你满意就好。能告诉我你不满意我哪点吗？我以后可以改进。

Ross

No, you know, it's uhm... nothing you did, it's... it's uhm... my issue.

不是你的问题，是我的问题。

Sandy

What is it...? (Ross hesitates) Please...? (he tilts his head)

什么问题？（罗斯犹豫）告诉我吧。

Ross

You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.

我就是不太习惯男人像你这么感性。

Sandy

That's fair... Although, can I ask... why do you think that is?

我理解，能问问你为什么这么想吗？

Ross

Why... I... I don't know. (Sandy tilts his head again) Uhm... errrr... maybe... maybe because of my father?

我不知道，可能是因为我爸爸吧。

Sandy

hmmm... (and shakes his head)

这样啊。

Ross

I mean, uhm... you know when I was growing up he was kind of a tough guy... You know a-a-and as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now.

我小时候我爸爸很严厉，我小时候也不像现在这么爱运动。

Rachel

(from the bedroom) Huh ha ha!

（在卧室）哈哈！

Ross

I play squash...! Anyway, uhm... I uhm... I always get the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.

我打壁球！我总觉得他觉得我太感性。

Sandy

That must have been hard.

那你肯定不好受。

Ross

It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?

是啊，我记得小时候在卧室玩恐龙，边玩边学，我爸爸走进来说，玩这些干什么？你怎么回事？怎么不像个真正的男孩一样出去玩？

Sandy

But you are a real boy!

你本来就是真正的男孩！

Ross

I know I am! (Ross now starts to cry) ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?

我知道！（哭了起来）夏天那么热，为什么不能穿背心？

Sandy

It's All right! Crying is good. It lets the boo-hoos out.

没事，哭出来就好了，发泄一下。

Ross

Here come some more...

我又忍不住了。

Sandy/Grumpus

And what's the one kind of boat that can never, ever sink?

桑迪/暴躁怪：什么船永远不会沉？

Joey/Wigglemunch

What kind?

乔伊/扭扭先生：什么船？

Sandy/Grumpus

A friend-ship...

桑迪/暴躁怪：友谊（friend-ship）。

Joey

Wow! You blow my mind...

哇，太厉害了！

Sandy

Oh, I gotta go.

我该走了。

Joey

Aaahh... How much do I owe you?

我该付你多少钱？

Sandy

Twenty bucks.

20美元。

Joey

It's like the cheapest college ever.

这是最便宜的大学课了。