The One Where Rachel Has A Baby part 1

Ross

All right! (Checking his watch) Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!!

好咧！太好了！七分钟从家到医院！成功了！

Rachel

(deadpan) Yes, the hard part is truly over.

（面无表情）可不，最难的一关还真过去了呢。

Ross

No, but come on, we're off to a great start aren't we? I knew I'd get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!

别这样，怎么说也是个好开始，对吧？我知道理应快点带你到这儿，可这总该是个记录吧！

(Phoebe and Monica walk in from getting some coffee.)

（菲比和莫妮卡买咖啡回来）

Phoebe

Oh you made it!

哦，你们到了！

Rachel

Hi! (Ross is stunned.)

嗨！（罗斯惊呆了）

Monica

How are you doing?

好吗？

Ross

Wait a minute! How-how the hell did you beat us here?

等等！你们怎么可能比我们先到？

Monica

We took a cab. Did you guys walk?

搭的士。你们走来的？

Ross

N... No! We took a cab too, but I did test runs!

不是！不是，我们也搭的士，但我确实曾试验过跑步来要多久！

(Chandler and Joey enter from the vending machines carrying sodas.)

（钱德勒和乔伊端着汽水从自动售货机走过来）

Chandler

Hi!

嗨！

Joey

Hey! You made it!

嘿，你们到了！

Ross

Okay is there...some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?!

好了，是不是有什么魔术通道能到这医院？！

Rachel

Ross, you stay here and talk, I'm gonna go have a baby.

罗斯，你就在这儿说吧，我可要去生孩子了。

Ross

Okay. Okay. (To the nurse behind the desk.) Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. I'm Ross Geller. We-we called from the car.

好吧，好吧。（对服务台后的护士）嗯，嗨，这是瑞秋·格林，我是罗斯·盖勒。我们在车里打过电话预约。

Nurse

Right! We have a semi-private labor room waiting for you. So in just a minute...

是了！有间半私人待产房正等着你们呢。等一会儿……

Rachel

(interrupting her) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I'm sorry, semi-private? We (Laughs), we asked for a private room.

（打断她）喔，喔，喔，喔。不好意思，半私人房？我们订的是私人房。

Nurse

Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we can't guarantee a private room and currently they're all unavailable.

这里确实这样写着。遗憾的是我们不能保证有私人房，目前私人房都住满了。

Chandler

Man, if only you'd gotten here sooner. (Ross turns and glares at him.)

老兄，你要早点到不就有了。（罗斯转身瞪他）

Nurse

I'm sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.

很抱歉，现在只有半私人房了。

Rachel

Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! (They walk away from the desk.)

好吧，等一下。罗斯！（他们离开服务台）

Ross

Yeah?

干嘛？

Rachel

Give her some money.

给她塞点钱。

Ross

I really think they're out of rooms.

我想他们是真的没有房间了。

Rachel

They're not!! Ross, they're just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!

不可能，罗斯，他们那是要留给重要人物！我要是总统他们还能没私人房给我？

Ross

Well then we'd be in a lot of trouble, you don't know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm... Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?

那我们国家就遭难了，你连一些国家在哪儿都不知道。（瑞秋瞪他）好吧。（他走向服务台，瑞秋跟在后面）嗯，你能不能……能不能再查一遍，看现在有没有私人房（递给她一些钱）空着的？

Nurse

This is a hospital.

这里可是医院。

Rachel

(standing up) Okay. Y'know what? I'd have to say I really don't care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem to---Whoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!

（站起来）好吧，你知道吗，我才不在乎你的怪语调，城里又不是只有你一家医院，我们才不介意－喔。喔。（开始宫缩）哦天哪！喔！

Ross

What-what?

怎么了？

Rachel

Ow! Ow! Contraction. (Sits back down) Ow-ow! Ow-ow! (Starts breathing heavily.)

嗷！嗷！宫缩。（坐回去）嗷－嗷！嗷－嗷！（开始沉重呼吸）

Nurse

Would you like to see a semi-private room?

要不要去半私人房看看？

Rachel

Yeah, it couldn't hurt to look.

好的，看看也不会疼着。

Opening Credits

片头

Dr. Long

Well you're only two centimeters dilated and we need to get to ten. It'll be a while.

你现在只扩张了两厘米，要扩到十厘米才行，还要等好一会儿。

Rachel

Oh, okay.

知道了。

Dr. Long

I'll be back in an hour to check you again.

我一小时后再来给你检查。

Ross

Thank you.

好的。谢谢。

Rachel

Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.

谢谢。（朗医生离开）看来我们有不少时间要打发。

Ross

Yeah, guess so. Whew! Check these out! (He's looking at the stirrups on the other bed in the room and Rachel groans. Ross then hops into the bed and puts his legs into the stirrups.) Never done this before.

可不是嘛。呼！看这玩意儿！（他看着房间另一张床上的马镫，瑞秋呻吟。罗斯跳上床把腿搁进马镫）还从没用过呢。

Rachel

Yeah well it looks great!

哦，看起来挺不错的。

(A nurse shows another couple into the room.)

（一名护士带另一对夫妇走进房间）

Man

Thank you very much.

非常感谢。

Woman

Thanks.

谢谢。

(They stop when they see Ross who has to struggle to get out of the bed.)

（他们看到罗斯，他正挣扎着从床上下来，停了下来）

Ross

Hi! Hi, I'm uh Ross. I'm here to ruin this magical day for you.

嗨！嗨，我是罗斯。我是来这儿坏你们好日子的。

Man

Oh no-no, not at all.

噢，不，不，怎么会呢。

Woman

Don't worry about it.

这没什么。

Man

Marc Coreger, this is my wife Julie.

马克·科格，这是我老婆朱莉。

Ross

Hi Julie.

嗨，朱莉。

Julie

Hi.

嗨。

Ross

This is Rachel. (Points at her.)

那是瑞秋。（指她）

Rachel

Hi!

嗨！

Marc

Oh hi Rachel.

哦，嗨，瑞秋。

Rachel

How are you?

嘿，你们好吗？

Julie

Hi. Is this your first?

嗨。这是你第一胎吗？

Rachel

Yeah it is.

是的。

Julie

Well, little Jamie here is our third. So, if you have questions or you need anything at all, just holler.

肚子里的小杰米是我们第三个孩子。所以，你要有什么问题或需要什么，尽管问吧。

Rachel

That's so sweet.

你们真好。

Ross

Yeah.

是啊。

Rachel

Oh.

哦。

Ross

Umm say, I-I opened this earlier (The privacy screen) but let me give you guys some privacy.

嗯，那个，我之前把这个打开了（隐私帘），让我给你们留点私人空间。

Marc

No nonsense! We're all in this together.

噢，什么话。咱们要一起共患难。

Julie

Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think we're gonna have some fun.

我们会与你们分享这每一刻。我想我们会很开心的。

Marc

Yeah.

是啊。

Ross

Oh, okay.

噢，好吧。

Marc

Hey! Smile! (Points his camera at Ross and Rachel.)

嘿，笑一个！（把相机对准罗斯和瑞秋）

Rachel

Oh no, I really don't want any---(He takes the picture)---Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross...

哦不，我实在不想……（他拍了照片）哦！谢谢。哦。哦，罗斯……

Ross

What?

什么？

Rachel

Here comes another contraction.

又在动了。

Ross

Oh. Okay, just breathe.

哦。好，呼吸。

Julie

Oh honey, I think I'm having one too!

噢亲爱的，我也正在动呢！

(During the mutual contraction Julie takes a moment to point out they're having a contraction at the same time.)

（在同时宫缩期间，朱莉还抽空指出她们同时宫缩）

Marc

Look at this! (Takes another picture) There we go!

看这个！（又拍了张照片）好了！

Phoebe

(looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.

（看钟）哦哇，都3小时了还生不出。“生命的奇迹”，等得我花儿都谢了！

Monica

Hey, you wanna see something?

嘿，想看点什么解闷儿吗？

Phoebe

Sure! What?

当然，什么？

Monica

Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?

一定会很好玩儿。看我吓吓钱德。亲爱的？

Chandler

Yeah?

干嘛。

Monica

Listen uh, I-I've been doing some thinking, and I don't know whether it's because we're here or Rachel's giving birth but umm, I think we should try to have a baby.

听着，我考虑了一下。不知是不是因为我们在这儿，或者瑞秋在生孩子，嗯，我想咱们也该试着要个孩子了。

Chandler

Okay.

好吧。

Monica

(freaking out) What-what-what's that now?!

（惊慌）你说什么，现在吗？！

Chandler

Okay. I've been thinking about it too, and I, I think we're ready.

是啊。我也考虑过，我想咱们准备好了。

Monica

What?! Are you kidding me?! You-you-you think we're ready to have a baby now?!

什-！你在跟我开玩笑吗？你觉得现在我们已经准备好要孩子了？

Phoebe

Oh, this is fun.

这确实好玩儿。

Joey

You're ready to have a baby? My boy's all grown up!

你们准备好要孩子了？我的小鬼们还都长大成人了呢！

Chandler

But you said you were ready too.

可你不是也说准备好了嘛！

Monica

Yeah but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird like mine is now!

是啊，但我那是逗你玩儿的，只是想听你尖声怪叫就像我现在这样！

Chandler

Yes, but haven't you wanted a kid like forever?

可你不是老早就想要个孩子了吗？

Monica

Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) 'Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.

好吧，离远点，先生。哇哦。（停顿）因为我已经准备好要个孩子了。我只想要乔伊做孩子的父亲。

Joey

(voice all high and weird) What?! Are you crazy?!

（声音又高又怪）什么？！你疯了吗？！

Monica

That's it! Right there! Is all I wanted!

是了！就是这样！我就是要这效果！！

Marc

I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam.

我很抱歉，医生一定要拉上窗帘做检查。

Rachel

Oh, that's very---Really very-very okay.

那真是非常，非常没问题。

Marc

Julie's cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, that's about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself.

朱莉的子宫颈已经扩张到7厘米了，大概有4根手指那么粗吧。医生让我亲自感觉呢。

Julie

Have you felt Rachel's cervix Ross?

你感觉过瑞秋的子宫颈吗，罗斯？

Rachel

(simultaneously as Ross) No, I don't think we'll be doing that.

（和罗斯同时）不，我们不会那样做的。

Ross

(simultaneously as Rachel) We're not gonna do that.

（和瑞秋同时）我们不会那样做的。

Julie

Well, if you like you can feel Rachel's and then feel mine to compare.

如果你愿意的话，可以先感觉瑞秋的再感觉我的做比较。

Mrs. Geller

(entering) Am I interrupting?

（走进来）我打扰你们了吗？

Ross

Uh yes! Thank you.

是啊，真谢谢你。

Rachel

Oh. Oh wait no.

不……等等。

Ross

Later.

呆会儿见。

Rachel

No-no-don't! Don't leave me here with these people.

别走，别留我单独和他们在一起。

Ross

Oh uh, I'm sorry. (Runs out.)

噢，对不起。（跑出去）

Rachel

No Ross! Ross! Ross! My child has no father!

不，罗斯！罗斯！罗斯！我的孩子没有爸爸了！

Ross

Hi! I'm so glad you're here, but it's gonna be a while. I-I wished you'd called first.

嗨。噢，真高兴你能来，可还要等好一会儿呢。你要能先来个电话就好了。

Mrs. Geller

Oh that's all right, I'm coming back later with your father.

哦，没关系，我迟点再和你父亲一起来。

Ross

Oh good.

噢，那好啊。

Mrs. Geller

I actually needed to talk to you before the birth.

我要在孩子出世前跟你谈谈。

Ross

Okay, what's up?

好。什么事呢？

Mrs. Geller

I brought something that I want to give you, assuming of course that you want it. (She holds up an engagement ring.)

我给你带了样东西，我猜是你想要的。（她举起一枚订婚戒指）

Ross

Ma, you're asking me to marry you?

妈，你是要我和你结婚吗？

Mrs. Geller

This is your grandmother's engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.

这是你祖母的订婚戒指，我想你把它给瑞秋。

Ross

Mom no, come on! Thank you.

妈，不，不要吧。谢谢。

Mrs. Geller

Just hear me out!

你先听我说完！

Ross

N-no! Okay? We've been through this! We're not gonna get married just because she's pregnant, okay?

不，不听！我们谈过这个问题了！我们不会因为她怀孕就结婚的，好吗？

Mrs. Geller

Honestly! Ross, this isn't just some girl you picked up in a bar and humped. A child should have a family.

说老实话，罗斯。她又不是你在酒吧随便勾搭来瞎搞怀上孕的。孩子该有个真正的家。

Ross

Mom, y'know what? I-I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry...

妈，你知道吗？我现在可没空想这个。对不起……

Mrs. Geller

Just...think about it. If you don't, I'll talk more about humping.

还是想一下吧。如果你不求婚，我还要批评你乱搞。

Ross

Gimmie! (Takes the ring and puts it in his coat pocket as Rachel enters the hallway.)

给我！（接过戒指放进大衣口袋，这时瑞秋走进走廊）

Rachel

Hi!

嗨！

Mrs. Geller

Oh hi dear!

哦，嗨，亲爱的。

Rachel

Oh, thank you so much for coming. Ross, get in here!

非常感谢您能来。罗斯，快进来！

(Mrs. Geller leaves as Ross re-enters the room.)

（盖勒太太离开，罗斯重新进入房间）

Ross

...she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why I'm not with Rachel.

……她跑来把我拖出产房，问为什么我和瑞秋不能在一起。

Phoebe

Yeah. (Pause) Why aren't you with Rachel?

是啊。（停顿）你和瑞秋为什么不能在一起？

Ross

Are you kidding? Look, we're not gonna be together just because we're having a baby. Okay?

别开玩笑了。我们不会因为有了孩子就结婚的，好吗？

Phoebe

But y'know what? It just seems that you two belong together.

可你知道吗，你们两个就像是属于对方的。

Ross

Okay, stop it! I can't deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby.

行了，别说了。我现在没空想这个。我得去等我孩子出世了。

Phoebe

Right. And with who again?

好。这次想和谁生啊？

(Ross exits.)

（罗斯离开）

Joey

God. He's crazy! Why doesn't he want to be with Rachel?

天哪，那家伙有毛病！他干嘛不想和瑞秋在一起？

Phoebe

I know!

我知道！

Joey

I mean seriously, she's like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadn't and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and... (Realizes everyone is staring.) I haven't bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?

说真的，她这么完美。我知道她拒绝过我，可如果她没拒绝我，想和我在一起，我会拥她入怀，然后……（意识到大家都在盯着他）很久没用这个恶心你们了，对吧？

Ross

(To Rachel) Hey. Who's that?

（对瑞秋）嘿，那是谁？

Rachel

New people.

新人。

Ross

What happened to the Disgustingtons?

那两个超恶心的人呢？

Rachel

They're having their baby! It's not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away.

他们的孩子出世了！不公平啊，罗斯，我们先来的呢！你刚走，他们就把她推到产房了。噢，走之前还给我看了一眼小杰米小头初露的湿淋淋场面。

Ross

Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people?

哇！对不起。那么，新来的两人怎么样？

Rachel

Well they have uh, some unusual pet names for each other. Including umm, evil bitch and uh, sick bastard. Oh God oh! Contraction!

他们给对方起了奇特的昵称。包括，啊，恶毒的婊子，和……可恶的混蛋。噢，天，宫缩了！

Ross

Yeah? Okay.

好，别紧张。

Rachel

Ooh! Ow!!

噢！嗷！！

Evil Bitch

Are you looking at her?!

你在看她吗？！

Sick Bastard

No!

没有！

Evil Bitch

Don't you look at her you sick bastard!

不准看她，你个可恶的混蛋！

Sick Bastard

Honey I swear! I wasn't looking at her!

亲爱的，我发誓，我刚刚没看她！

Evil Bitch

She's in labor! You like that you sick son of a bitch!

她在阵痛呢！你还喜欢那个，你个有病的王八蛋。

Ross

Umm. Umm, I'm-I'm just gonna---(Closes the privacy screen.)

我只是要……（拉上隐私帘）

Evil Bitch

See? See? It was because you were looking fat pervert!

看，就是因为你刚刚看着，你个大肥变态。

Ross

No-no, I'm...I'm sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)

不，不，没人偷看。我们只想要点私人空间。（他拉上帘子，睁大眼睛看着瑞秋）

Evil Bitch

You miss your girlfriend?

你想念你的女友了？

Ross

Just ignore them.

就当他们不存在。

(Sick Bastard sits down in a chair that enables him to look around the screen and stare at Rachel.)

（可恶的混蛋坐到一张椅子上，正好能绕过帘子偷看瑞秋）

Rachel

Ross.

罗斯。

Ross

What? What?

怎么了？

Rachel

He's looking at me.

他在盯着我看呢。

Ross

(to him) Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?!

（对他）嘿！你还想活着见自己的孩子吗？

Evil Bitch

Don't you talk to my husband like that you stupid bastard!

不准跟我老公那样讲话，你个蠢混蛋！

(Ross shrugs his shoulders to Rachel and Sick Bastard closes the screen all the way.)

（罗斯冲瑞秋耸耸肩，可恶的混蛋彻底拉上了帘子）

Monica

Oh good God! If you want a baby so bad just go steal it!

噢，天啊！你这么想要孩子，去偷一个！

(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)

（照料婴儿的护士听到这话，转身瞪着钱德勒。钱德勒把莫妮卡拉到一边远离护士）

Monica

What is going on with you? Since when are you so crazy about babies?

你这是怎么了？什么时候开始对孩子这么着迷的？

Chandler

I'm not crazy about babies. I'm crazy about us.

我不是为孩子而着迷，我是为我们而着迷。

Monica

What?

什么？

Chandler

Look, we've always talked about having babies someday. I'm not saying it has to be right now, but I'm starting to think that we can handle it. We're good. We're really good.

我们总说有一天要有孩子。我不是说一定要是现在，但我觉得我们可以应付的来了。我们不错呢。我们非常好。

Monica

We are pretty good.

我们是挺不错的。

Chandler

But nothing has to happen until your ready.

但在你准备好之前我们不会要的。

Monica

Well maybe I'm ready now. I mean, it's a little scary, but maybe it's right.

也许我现在就准备好了。当然，是有点儿吓人，但也许是时候了。

Chandler

What?! It's not right! We're not ready to have a kid now!!

什么？！还没是时候呢！我们现在还没准备好要孩子！！

Monica

What?!!

什么？！

Chandler

I'm kidding. This is going to be fun.

逗你玩儿的。多有意思。

Monica

So we're gonna try? I mean, are we trying?

那么，我们要试一下吗？我是说，我们要试吗？

Chandler

We're trying to get pregnant.

我们要试着怀孕。

(They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Y'know I'm not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?

（他们开始接吻，但钱德勒停下来）在婴儿面前做这种事不怎么舒服。那你什么时候想开始试呢？

Monica

Okay, hold on a sec.

等一下。

Chandler

Period math?

算经期吗？

Monica

Yeah.

是的。

Chandler

Yeah.

哦。

Monica

Well, we could start trying. Now.

我们可以从现在开始试。

Chandler

Right here?

就在医院里？

Monica

No, not here. Maybe here.

不，不能在这里。或许就在这里。

Chandler

Wait a minute, it's perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and we're in a building that's full of beds!

等等，太棒了。我们不是有好多时间要打发吗，再说医院里全是床呢！

Monica

And it's so clean!!

还是那么干净的床！

(They run off in search of a bed.)

（他们跑去找床）

Commercial Break

广告插播

Joey

Come on you stupid machine! Come on!

出来，你个没用的机器，快出来！

Phoebe

Oh, it ate your money?

哦，它吞了你的钱吗？

Joey

(looking at her) No.

（看着她）没有。

Phoebe

All right, I'll see you downstairs then.

好吧，在楼下见了。

Joey

All right.

好吧。

Phoebe

All right.

好吧。

Joey

Hey I got one! I got one!

嘿，掉下来一个！掉下来一个！

Man

Hi!

嗨！

Phoebe

Hi.

嗨。

Man

Oh uh, up or down?

噢，是上还是下？

Phoebe

Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but can't.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.)

下，谢谢。（那家伙想按按钮但够不着）我不想扫你的兴，但还是让我来吧。（她按了按钮）

Man

Could you press up too please?

能帮我按一下“上”吗？

Phoebe

Sure! I feel so bad for you; I broke my leg once too.

当然！真为你难过，我也伤过腿呢。

Man

Oh yeah? How'd yours happen?

真的？你的是怎么弄的？

Phoebe

Well, it's a long story. It's kind of embarrassing. Let's just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual. (The guy laughs.) How about you?

说来话长。是个挺尴尬的故事。可以说成是性爱手册里出了点小错。（男人笑）那你的呢？

Man

Car accident.

车祸。

Phoebe

Oh.

噢。

Man

Oh, let me guess some idiot on a cell phone wasn't paying attention?

噢，让我猜猜。开车打手机的白痴一时大意？

Man

Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, that's me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it you're just visiting someone.

是啊。就是我。（电梯门开了）哦，嘿，我的电梯到了。（滚上电梯）嘿，我猜你是来看人的吧。

Phoebe

Uh-huh, yeah.

啊哈。是啊。

Man

Well umm, if you have sometime y'know and maybe you might want to visit someone else...

如果你有空的话，有没有可能去看看其他人……

Phoebe

Oh yeah! I-I would like that.

好啊，啊哈。好主意！

Man

I'm in the middle... (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.)

我在……（电梯门关上，打断了他的话）

Phoebe

Wait! What?! No!! Elevator!! No!

等等！！什么？！别关上！！电梯！！不要！

Joey

(standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.)

（站在她身后）噢，你得按按钮才行。（照做）

Ross

The nurse said they're bringing in another woman.

护士说她们会带另一个女人进来。

Rachel

Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesn't need to be; she'll still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.)

她怀孕了吗？她不用是怀了孕的呢，反正她也会比我快生出孩子。噢，罗斯，又宫缩了！（靠在罗斯身上寻求支撑）

Ross

That's it. That's it.

就这样，就这样。

(The next couple enters.)

（下一对夫妇走进来）

Woman

Oooh, that sounded like a bad one.

噢，看起来很疼呢。

Rachel

Yeah it was.

是啊，很疼。

Woman

Mine haven't been so bad. Oh! Here comes one now. (Hums then squeals a little bit.) Oh, that was a big one!

我的还没有那么疼过。噢，要宫缩了！（哼了一声然后尖叫）噢，可是个厉害的呢。

(Rachel motions for Ross to close the privacy screen, which he does.)

（瑞秋示意罗斯拉上隐私帘，他照做了）

Phoebe

(to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient I'm looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, he's like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.

（对护士）打扰了。能帮我个忙吗？我在找一个病人，他的腿受伤了，坐着轮椅，他大概三十岁出头，很迷人。

Nurse

I think I know who you're talking about.

我想我知道你在说谁。

Phoebe

Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in?

噢，好啊！太好了！那他在几号病房？

Nurse

I'm sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff...

对不起，医院不能透露该资料。

Joey

(walks up) Uh, she's with me. (Introduces himself) Dr. Drake Remoray.

（走上前）呃，她是和我一起来的。（自我介绍）德雷克·瑞摩瑞医生。

Nurse

Dr. Drake who?

德雷克·谁？

Joey

Remoray. It's Portuguese. We need that information; I'm a doctor.

瑞摩瑞。是葡萄牙姓氏。我们必须知道他住几号房，我是医生。

Nurse

A doctor at this hospital?

是这间医院的医生吗？

Joey

Damnit woman we're losing precious time! Now do you want this man's blood on your head?

他妈的，女人，我们宝贵的时间都给你浪费了！你是想这男人的鲜血沾满你的头吗？

Phoebe

Hands.

双手。

Joey

Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. He's a patient of mine, I've been treating him for years!

双手！这可是人命关天的大事，快说我助手形容的那个男人在几号病房。他是我的病人，我已经治疗他多年了！

Nurse

He's in room 816.

他在816病房。

Joey

816, thank you!

816，谢谢！

Phoebe

Thank you. (Starts to exit.)

谢谢。（开始离开）

(Joey starts to leave, but stops.)

（乔伊开始离开，但停下来）

Joey

And what is his name?

还有，他叫什么名字？

Phoebe

(coming back for Joey) No! (Grabs Joey and drags him away.)

（回来拉乔伊）不行！（抓住乔伊把他拖走）

Monica

I think we found a place.

看来我们找到了地方。

Chandler

Okay. (They start kissing.)

好啊。（他们开始接吻）

Monica

Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?

等等，要弄点儿情调出来吗？

Chandler

Okay. Uh, we'll dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds it's not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)

好。我们把灯调暗点儿，把灯调暗点儿。（他走到开关前，发现关掉后并不是调暗）干脆全关上算了。没有带香味的蜡烛。好，这个，就这样。（他在她头顶喷空气清新剂）

Monica

Okay! Okay! Make me sterile, but okay.

好，好！把我给消毒了，不过还好了。

(He hops onto the bed and they start making out.)

（他跳上床，他们开始亲热）

Monica

Okay. Let's hurry---Oh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)

好了，快点——哦等等！带套儿了吗？（他看着她）噢，傻了！（笑，他们继续亲热，这时一名护士撞见了他们）

Chandler

Yes, 98.6. You're gonna be fine.

好，98.6度（华氏），你会没事的。

Phoebe

Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, that's him! That's him!

噢，就是这儿。（往窗户里看）是他，是他！

Joey

Great! Go get him.

好极了。出击去。

Phoebe

Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first.

等一下，或者，你先去。

Joey

(looks in the window) He's not really my type.

（往窗户里看）他不怎么合我口味儿。

Phoebe

No not you, Dr. Drake Remoray. You can ask him questions and see what's he like. People tell doctors everything.

不是你，是德雷克·瑞摩瑞医生。你可以问些问题看他是什么样的人。人们什么都会告诉医生的。

Joey

But you said he was this great guy!

可你说他很不错啊。

Phoebe

But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.

最近我约会的几个人开始看来都不错，可不久就都变成了讨厌的混蛋！

Joey

You do attract some stinkers.

你确实老吸引一些讨厌鬼。

Rachel

Dr. Long, I've been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?

朗医生，我都等了17个小时了！3个曾在这房里的女人都生出了孩子，你得告诉我好消息啊！我扩张了几厘米？8？9？

Dr. Long

Three.

才3？！

Ross

Just three?! I'm dilated three!

才3？！我都扩张了3厘米！！！

Dr. Long

We are moving along, just slowly. (Rachel lies back and sighs.) Don't worry, you're doing great. I'll be back soon. (Exits.)

已经有进步了，就是慢了点。（瑞秋躺回去叹气）别担心，你的情况非常好。我很快再来看你。（离开）

Rachel

Hey, y'know what? I'm not waiting! I'm gonna push this baby out! I'm doing it! I mean it's what? Three centimeters? That's gotta be like this! (Holds her hands a couple inches apart.)

嘿，知道吗，我不等了。我要把她推出来。我正在用劲呢。才3厘米，该是像这样吧。（双手分开几英寸）

Ross

Actually it's more like this. (Pushes her hands to less than an inch apart.)

其实，应该是像这样。（把她的手推到相距不到一英寸）

Rachel

Oh stupid metric system!

喔，该死的十进制。

(Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.)

（另一个女人在护士和医生陪同下进来，女人在尖叫）

Doctor

Oh my. We're gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room.

噢，天。我们得直接把你送到产房了。

Rachel

Oh for the love of God!

噢，看在老天爷的分上！

Woman Giving Birth

(yelling from the hallway) It's coming! It's coming!

（从走廊喊）它出来了！它出来了！

Doctor

And here it is! (The baby cries.)

这就出来了！（婴儿哭）

Rachel

Oh come on!!

哦，拜托！！

Joey

Hi! I'm Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.

嗨！我是德雷克·瑞摩瑞医生，我有几个常规问题要问你。

Man

Really? I've been dealing with Dr. Wells.

是吗？可威尔医生一直是我的主治医师。

Joey

I know, but I'm a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.

我知道，我是个神经科专门医师。只是为了稳妥起见，威尔医生想更清楚的了解你的情况，所以他派我来。

Man

Dr. Wells is a woman.

威尔医生是女的。

Joey

That was a test. Good response. All right, full name.

那就是个测试。答得好。好吧，全名。

Man

Clifford Burnett.

克利福德·伯内特。

Joey

Date of birth?

出生年月日？

Cliff

November 16th, 1968.

1968年11月16日。

Joey

Age?

年龄？

Cliff

Can't you figure that out based on my date of birth?

你不能根据我的生日算吗？

Joey

I'm a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.

我是个医生，克利福，不是数学家。

Cliff

I'm 33.

33岁。

Joey

Okay. And uh, are you married.

好的。嗯，你结婚了吗？

Cliff

No.

没有。

Joey

Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues?

噢，真的吗？33岁还单身，你是不是害怕做出承诺？

Cliff

Are all the questions this personal?

所有问题都涉及隐私吗？

Joey

(checking the list) Yes.

（看列表）是的。

Cliff

Well uh if you must know I'm a widower.

嗯，你非要知道的话，我是鳏夫。

Joey

Oh that's terrible. I'm-I'm really sorry.

那真不幸。我很抱歉。

Cliff

Yeah.

是啊。

Joey

Hmm. Do you sleep with women and never call them again?

嗯，你会不会和女人上床后就再也不打电话给她们？

Cliff

No.

不会。

Joey

Excellent! Excellent! And uh, finally, are you into any weird stuff y'know, sexually?

好极了，好极了！最后，你会不会对一些奇怪的东西感兴趣，就是有关性方面的？

Cliff

No!

啊，不会！

Joey

Oooh, wrong answer. (Exits.)

噢，答错了。（离开）

Nurse

(calling to the woman) This room's available.

（对女人喊）这间房有空床。

Rachel

Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, that's four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! I'm next! It's my turn! It's only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me I'm going to sue you! Not this hospital, I'm going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) he's a lawyer!

好的，等等！你听我说！你听我说！我都等过了4个女人，正是4个，比我扩张的3厘米还要多1，进这房间来，然后带着孩子走了。我是下一个。轮到我了。那才公平！！如果你再带一个比我早生的女人进来，我就要告你！不是这间医院，是要告你！我老公（指着罗斯）可是个律师。

Ross

Uh Rach...

啊，瑞秋。

Rachel

Go get back on that case honey!

继续打你那个官司，亲爱的！！

Nurse

I don't think the next patient is very far along.

下一个孕妇马上要过来了，不过她还没那么快生。

Rachel

Okay, well then bring her in.

那好吧，带她进来。

(Another nurse wheels the next pregnant woman in.)

（另一名护士推着下一个孕妇进来）

Woman

OH....MY....GAWD!!! (Uh-huh, it's Janice.)

噢...我的...天啊！！（没错，是珍妮斯）

(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)

（不用说，罗斯和瑞秋被珍妮斯的到来惊呆了）

Commercial Break

广告插播

Janice

I....can't....believe this!

我...仍...不敢相信！

Ross

And yet somehow it's true!

不知怎么回事，这竟是真的。

Janice

I mean this is so great! We're gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)

这真是太棒了！我们将是生孩子伴儿呢！（发出笑声）

Ross

(To Rachel) Squeeze your legs together and cover the baby's ears!

（对瑞秋）快把腿合紧，把宝宝的耳朵堵上。

Man

(entering, carrying a pillow) Hi sweetie!

（抱着枕头走进来）嗨，亲爱的！

Janice

Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I don't think you've met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologist's office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)

嗨！嗨，亲爱的。这是我老公西德，你们没见过他吧。罗斯，瑞秋，这是西德。一年前我在皮肤科诊室逮住了他。真要多谢那些痤疮呢。（发出笑声）

Sid

I still can't believe it! I'm the luckiest guy in the world!

我仍不敢相信。我是世上最幸运的男人！

Ross

(softly) Really?

（小声地）真的吗？

Sid

(To Janice) What'd he say?

（对珍妮斯）他说什么？

Janice

Oh y'know what? You have to speak very loudly when you're talking to Sid, because he's almost completely deaf.

哦，你必须很大声地跟西德讲话才行，因为他几乎全聋。

Rachel

Oh!

噢，原来是这样。

Ross

Oh there you go!

可不是嘛。

Rachel

I get it!

好啊。

Janice

So? Congratulations you two, I didn't even know you got married.

那么，恭喜你们俩儿。我都不知道你们结婚了呢。

Rachel

Oh we-we didn't.

不是的……

Ross

No-no. We...

不，我们……

Janice

What?!

什么？

Ross

Um uh...We're-we're just having this baby together but uh, uh that's all.

嗯呃…我们只是一起怀了这个孩子，但……仅此而已。

Janice

Why?!!

为什么？！！！

Ross

Uh well umm...we're just not in that place, y'know? But we're very excited about this.

哦，嗯，嗯……我们只是时间不对，你知道吧？但我们对要有个孩子很兴奋呢。

Janice

Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)

噢！那就把我的嘴闭上吧。（发出笑声）

Rachel

Just tell me how.

可你得告诉我怎么才能闭上你的嘴。

Janice

Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)

啊，噢，又要宫缩了。（她宫缩时发出像鹅一样的叫声）

Ross

Sid you lucky deaf bastard.

西德，你这幸运的聋混蛋。