The One With The Cooking Class

Ross

Hey you guys I got some bad news. (He sets the stack of papers down on the table.)

嘿，伙计们，我有个坏消息。（他把一摞报纸放在桌上。）

Phoebe

Well that's no way to sell newspapers. Why don't you try, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!"

“号外！号外！快来看新闻！”

Ross

No, Monica's restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didn't want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)

不是，莫妮卡的餐厅在《邮报》上收到了一条很差的评价。（众人倒吸一口气。）我不想让她看到，所以我跑遍了街区，把能找到的报纸都买了。（他把报纸递给菲比，大家都看了起来。）

Joey

Man, this is bad! And I've had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one though. (Quoting) "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal."

天呐，这也太糟了！我也收到过不少差评。不过我还记得我的第一条好评呢。（引用评价）“《我们的小镇》这部剧里其他所有表演都糟糕透顶。乔伊·崔比昂尼更是差得离谱。”

Monica

(entering) Hey!

（走进来）嘿！

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

(seeing the stack of newspapers) Oh my God! Look at all the newspapers! It must be a good review! Is it great?!

（看到一摞报纸）哦天哪！这么多报纸！肯定是好评吧！是不是超棒？！

Ross

Umm…

呃……

Monica

(reading) Oh dear God!

（读报纸）哦我的天呐！

Ross

But the good news is, no one in a two-block radius will ever know.

但好消息是，两个街区以内的人都不会知道这件事。

Monica

What about the rest of Manhattan?!

那曼哈顿其他地方的人呢？！

Ross

Yeah, they all know.

嗯，他们都知道了。

Monica

Oh my God, this is horrible!

哦天哪，这也太糟糕了！

Chandler

I'm so sorry.

我太遗憾了。

Monica

I'm so humiliated!

我太丢脸了！

Rachel

Yeah but y'know what they say Mon, "There's no such thing as bad press."

是啊，但莫妮卡，你知道人们常说，“没有所谓的负面宣传。”

Monica

You don't think that umm, (reading) "The chef's Mahi Mahi was awful awful," is bad press?

你难道不觉得，呃，（读报纸）“主厨的鲯鳅鱼难吃到极点”这种是负面宣传吗？

Rachel

I didn't write it.

又不是我写的。

Monica

Is he right? Am I really-Am I awful?

他说得对吗？我真的——我真的很差劲吗？

All

No!

不是！

Joey

Yeah! Yeah Monica! You listen to me, okay? And I'm not just saying this because I'm your friend, I'm sayin' it 'cause it's the truth. You're food is abysmal!

对！对，莫妮卡！听我说，好吗？我可不是因为是你朋友才这么说，我是实话实说。你做的饭差得离谱！

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Rachel

Ross!

罗斯！

Ross

(startling him) What?! What?

（被吓到）怎么了？！怎么了？

Rachel

I am freaking out!

我快慌死了！

Ross

Are ya?

是吗？

Rachel

My due date is in one week!

我的预产期还有一周！

Ross

What are you doing up?

你怎么还没睡？

Rachel

That is seven days!

也就是七天了！

Ross

Okay look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. Can we do this after…

好了，听着，我睡前喝了好多水。我们能等会儿再说吗……

Rachel

(interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!

（打断他）不行不行不行罗斯！拜托，我们还没准备好任何大件东西！我们没有换尿布台！没有婴儿床！也没有尿布配送服务！

Ross

It's funny you should mention diapers.

你提到尿布还真挺巧。

Rachel

I'm serious.

我是认真的。

Ross

Okay look, there's nothing to worry about. We have plenty of time. There's a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything that you need. Okay?

好了，别担心，有的是时间。西十街有一家超棒的婴儿家具店。明天我们去那儿，把你需要的东西都买齐，好吗？

Rachel

Okay. Thank you. That's great. Thank you. Wait-wait! Where on west 10th? Because there's this really cute shoe store that has like this little…

好。谢谢你。太好了，谢谢。等等等等！西十街哪里呀？因为那儿有家超可爱的鞋店，里面有个小……

Ross

(interrupting her) Okay. Okay. If uh, if you're gonna do this, then I'm gonna do that. (Points to the bathroom.) So… (Starts for the bathroom.)

（打断她）好了好了。如果你要说这个，那我就得去办我的事了。（指了指卫生间）所以……（走向卫生间。）

Rachel

(stopping him) Oh, wait Ross! I'm sorry, one more thing!

（拦住他）哦，等等罗斯！抱歉，还有一件事！

Ross

(annoyed) Yeah!

（不耐烦）什么事！

Rachel

Umm, our situation. Y'know umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-we're having this baby together, and we live together. Isn't that, isn't that weird?

呃，我们现在的情况。你知道，呃，我们对彼此的意义。我是说我们一起怀了宝宝，还住在一起。这是不是，是不是有点奇怪？

Ross

(stunned) (thinks) Well uh…

（愣住，思考）呃，这个嘛……

Rachel

I'm just kidding! You can go pee! (He does so in a hurry.)

我开玩笑的！快去上厕所吧！（他赶紧跑向卫生间。）

Joey

(entering) Hey uh Monica, I can't remember. Did we say we were gonna meet here or at the movies?

（走进来）嘿莫妮卡，我忘了。我们说好了是在这儿碰面还是电影院？

Monica

We said at the movies, but…

说好了在电影院，但……

Joey

Okay, I'll see you there. (Starts to leave)

好，那到时候见。（准备离开）

Monica

Joey! (He returns) Now that you're here…

乔伊！（他折返）既然你都来了……

Joey

Sure, I can hang out 'til I have to meet ya. (To Chandler) What uh-How come you're not going?

行啊，我可以在这儿待到该碰面的时候。（对钱德）你怎么不去？

Chandler

I have a job interview I have to get ready for.

我得准备一场工作面试。

Joey

I thought you already have a job.

我以为你已经有工作了。

Chandler

And people say you don't pay attention. No, this is a much better job. It's vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.

别人还说你注意力不集中呢。不是，这份工作好太多了。是一家公司的副总裁，那家公司专门帮其他公司做数据重构和统计分析。

Joey

Wow! How do you know how to do that?!

哇！你怎么会做这些的？！

Chandler

That's what I do now.

我现在干的就是这个。

Monica

Hey Joey, come taste this.

嘿乔伊，过来尝尝这个。

Joey

What is it?

这是什么？

Monica

Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? Well… (Feeds him a spoonful of what she's cooking.) I'm getting my revenge!

还记得那个给我差评的人吗？嗯……（喂了他一勺自己做的菜。）我要报复他！

Joey

You cooked him?

你把他煮了？

Monica

No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School, so before we go to the movies I wanna go by there and make him try my bouillabaisse again. Oh, I cannot wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow! "Restaurant reviewer admits: I was wrong about Monica."

我错怪莫妮卡了。”

Chandler

The front page? You really do live in your own little world, don't ya?

头版？你真是活在自己的小世界里，对吧？

Cashier

Do you uh, want these things delivered Mr. and Mrs. Geller?

呃，盖勒夫妇，这些东西需要送货上门吗？

Rachel

Oh.

哦。

Ross

Oh.

哦。

Rachel

No-no-no! No, no, no, we're not married.

不不不！我们没结婚。

Ross

We are having a baby together, but we're not involved. (The cashier, a very beautiful woman, looks confused) I mean, uh we-we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night. (Rachel looks at him angrily) Or, yes stranger, we'd like this delivered please.

我们一起怀了宝宝，但不是情侣关系。（收银员是个非常漂亮的女人，一脸困惑）我是说，呃我们之前交往过一段时间，后来就只是朋友了。然后有个喝醉的晚上……（瑞秋生气地看着他）或者说，这位女士，麻烦帮我们送货上门。

Cashier

Why don't you fill out this address card. (Hands him one.)

麻烦填一下这张地址卡。（递给他一张卡。）

Ross

Oh, okay.

哦，好的。

Cashier

I notice you picked out a lot of our dinosaur items.

我注意到你们选了很多恐龙主题的用品。

Rachel

Oh yeah! Actually, that's one of the reasons why we're not a couple.

对啊！其实，这就是我们没在一起的原因之一。

Ross

I chose those, I'm a paleontologist.

是我选的，我是古生物学家。

Cashier

Really?! That is so cool!

真的吗？！太酷了！

Rachel

Oh. Oh yeah, don't get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like he's a doctor, but he's not.

哦。是啊，别太激动。我是说，听起来他像个医生，但其实不是。

Cashier

Oh no-no, I'm fascinated by paleontology. Have you read the new Walter Alvarez book?

不会不会，我对古生物学特别着迷。你读过沃尔特·阿尔瓦雷斯的新书吗？

Ross

Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.

读过！我上课还教这本书呢。

Rachel

Oh my God! I'm standing at a cash register, holding a credit card, and I'm bored.

哦天哪！我站在收银台边，拿着信用卡，都快无聊死了。

Cashier

(looking at the completed address card) Oh, I love your neighborhood. There's a great gym right around the corner from your building.

（看着填好的地址卡）哦，我喜欢你们住的街区。你们公寓楼拐角处有一家超棒的健身房。

Ross

That's my gym.

那就是我常去的健身房。

Cashier

I can tell you work out. (Ross is please and Rachel looks at him confused.) A paleontologist who works out, you're like Indiana Jones. (Rachel has a disbelieving look on her face.)

看得出来你经常锻炼。（罗斯一脸得意，瑞秋困惑地看着他。）一个爱锻炼的古生物学家，你简直像印第安纳·琼斯。（瑞秋一脸难以置信。）

Ross

I am like Indiana Jones.

我就是像印第安纳·琼斯。

Rachel

Hi Pheebs!

嗨菲比！

Phoebe

Hey! Oh, how did baby shopping go?

嘿！哦，婴儿用品买得怎么样？

Rachel

Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasn't on the list. A whore.

哦，超顺利！我们把需要的东西都买齐了！还有罗斯，差点买到购物清单上没有的东西。一个骚货。

Phoebe

What?!

什么？！

Rachel

Well, we were paying for our stuff and this saleswoman just started flirting with him.

我们结账的时候，那个女售货员就一直跟他调情。

Phoebe

Well did she know you two weren't married?

她知道你们没结婚吗？

Rachel

Yeah.

知道。

Phoebe

Oh my God! Well the idea of a woman flirting with a-with a single man, we-we must alert the church elders!

哦天哪！一个女人跟单身男人调情，我们得赶紧通知教会长老才行！

Rachel

You don't understand! You didn't see how brazen she was.

你不懂！你没看到她多明目张胆。

Phoebe

Sounds like you're a little jealous.

听起来你有点吃醋了。

Rachel

No! I'm not! I-I-I just think it's wrong! It's-it's that I'm-Here I am about to pop and he's out picking up some shop girl at Sluts 'R' Us!

没有！我才没有！我只是觉得这不对！我都快生了，他居然在外面勾搭风骚店里的女店员！

Phoebe

Is that a real place? (Rachel's stunned) Are they hiring?

真有这家店？（瑞秋愣住了）招人吗？

Chandler

(entering) Hey Phoebe! (To Rachel) Fatty!

（走进来）嘿菲比！（对瑞秋）胖妞！

Phoebe

Hey Chandler, why so fancy?

嘿钱德，穿这么正式干嘛？

Chandler

Well, I got a job interview. It's kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and I'd be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.

我有个工作面试，算是个大事。薪水高很多，工作内容是数据重构和统计分析。

Phoebe

Wait, I think I know someone who does that.

等等，我认识一个干这个的人。

Chandler

Me! I do that. So… Seriously, do I look okay? I'm little nervous.

就是我啊！我就干这个。说真的，我看起来还行吗？我有点紧张。

Rachel

Oh yeah! You really-You look great.

当然！你看起来超棒。

Phoebe

Yeah, just don't get your hopes up.

嗯，别抱太大希望就行。

Chandler

Why not?

为什么？

Phoebe

Well, the interview…

面试嘛……

Chandler

What about it?

面试怎么了？

Phoebe

Y'know! You don't make a very good first impression.

你知道的！你给人的第一印象不太好。

Chandler

(shocked) What?!

（震惊）什么？！

Phoebe

Oh you don't know.

你自己不知道啊。

Chandler

Are you serious?!

你认真的吗？！

Phoebe

Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh!

是啊，我第一次见你的时候，你就一直叽叽喳喳说个不停。我心里都在想，别说话了！

Chandler

What is it that I do?

我到底是哪里做得不好？

Phoebe

Well it's just like you're trying too hard. Always making jokes, y'know, you just-You come off a little needy.

就是你太刻意了。总爱开玩笑，你知道吗，就是显得有点黏人。

Chandler

(To Rachel) Did you like me when we first met?

（对瑞秋）我们第一次见面的时候，你对我印象好吗？

Rachel

Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. (Gets up and hurries out.)

钱德，我不想骗你，但我想离你远点。（起身匆匆离开。）

Monica

Hi! Umm, I'm Monica Geller, I'm the chef at Alessandro's.

你好！呃，我是莫妮卡·盖勒，亚历山德罗餐厅的主厨。

The Food Critic

Still?

还在那儿干呢？

Monica

I think the things that you said about me are really unfair, and I would like for you to give my bouillabaisse another chance.

我觉得你对我的评价特别不公平，我想请你再尝尝我的马赛鱼汤。

The Food Critic

I don't see any reason why I would do that to myself again.

我没理由再自讨苦吃。

Joey

Either eat it, or be in it.

要么吃了，要么就被煮了。

Monica

Spoon? (Hands him one and he tastes it.) So, what do you think?

勺子？（递给他一把勺子，他尝了一口。）怎么样？

The Food Critic

I'm torn, between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest, your soap is abysmal. (Throws down the spoon and walks out.)

我很纠结，一边是我的职业操守，一边是不想挨打的想法。但我必须说实话，你做的这玩意儿难吃得像肥皂。（扔下勺子离开。）

Joey

Thata girl! Huh? We should get out of here; there's a new class comin' in.

好样的！我们走吧，下一节课要开始了。

(They start to leave.)

（两人准备离开。）

The Cooking Teacher

Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce? (No one can.)

欢迎来到烹饪入门课。上课前，有人能告诉我荷兰酱和伯纳西酱的区别吗？（没人回答。）

Monica

I can.

我知道。

The Cooking Teacher

Okay, go ahead.

好，你说。

Monica

Well umm, they both have a egg yolk and butter base, but a bearnaise has shallots, shirvel, and most importantly tarragon.

呃，两种酱都以蛋黄和黄油为基底，但伯纳西酱里有青葱、山萝卜，最重要的是还有龙蒿。

The Cooking Teacher

That's very good, what's your name?

说得非常好，你叫什么名字？

Monica

Monica.

莫妮卡。

The Cooking Teacher

Monica, you go to the head of the class.

莫妮卡，你坐到教室前排来。

Monica

Okay. (Does so.)

好的。（走到前排坐下。）

Rachel

All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life?

这些东西好占地方。对了，你对让本留在你身边这件事有多认真？

Ross

My son? Pretty serious. (There's a knock on the door and Ross answers it.) Oh hey Katie! (The cashier from before) What uh, what are you doing here?

我儿子？非常认真。（有人敲门，罗斯去开门。）哦嘿凯蒂！（之前的收银员）你怎么来了？

Katie

Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this. (A blanket.)

给你们送货的时候，我发现他们漏了这个。（一条毯子。）

Ross

Ah, must've been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store.

哦，难怪，毕竟这是你们店里唯一剩下的东西了。

Katie

Listen, to be honest, home deliveries are really a part of my job description.

说实话，上门送货其实不算我的本职工作。

Ross

Oh. (Reaches into his pocket for some money as Rachel enters the living room and watches holding two stuffed dinosaurs.)

哦。（伸手去口袋拿钱，瑞秋走进客厅，抱着两只恐龙玩偶看着他们。）

Katie

Oh uh…I actually came here to ask you out.

呃……我其实是来约你出去的。

Ross

Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. I'm just gonna put this (The money) back in my pocket, pretend that didn't happen. Uh yeah, actually I'm free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or…

哦！哇！好啊！太棒了。我把钱放回口袋，假装刚才没这回事。嗯，我现在有空，要不要去喝杯咖啡或者……

Katie

Sure!

好啊！

Rachel

Horny bitch. (They both look at her, pretending that the dinosaurs she's holding are arguing.) No! You're a horny bitch! Noooo! You're the horny bitch! No! You're a horny bitch!

骚货。（两人看向她，她假装手里的恐龙玩偶在吵架。）不对！你才是骚货！不是！你才是骚货！不对！你才是骚货！

Commercial Break

广告插播

Rachel

So you guys go, have a really good time.

你们去吧，玩得开心点。

Ross

(To Katie) Yeah, I'm just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Y'know because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because I'm-I'm into S&M. (Katie's worried again.) I'm not-I'm not into anything weird. Y'know? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, I'm gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)

（对凯蒂）好，我去拿外套。还有我的鞭子。（凯蒂一脸担忧。）你知道，就是模仿印第安纳·琼斯嘛。（凯蒂笑了）不是因为我有性虐癖。（凯蒂又担忧起来。）我没有什么奇怪的癖好，你知道吗？就是正常的恋爱关系。（凯蒂很不自在。）我去拿外套。（拿上外套离开，留下凯蒂和瑞秋独处。）

Rachel

So, you had a good day huh? Big commission; picked up a daddy.

今天过得不错吧？赚了不少提成，还钓到了孩子他爸。

Katie

Are you okay with this?

你不介意吗？

Rachel

Oh yeah! Yeah please, you guys have fun.

当然不介意！你们玩得开心就好。

Katie

Okay. It was nice to see you.

好的，很高兴见到你。

Rachel

Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button.

我也很高兴见到你。你今天超美，就是扣子扣错了一颗。

Katie

Oh umm, actually I umm…

呃，其实我……

Rachel

Oh okay, I see what you're doing there.

哦，我懂了，你故意的是吧。

Chandler

I can't even believe this! I really come off that badly?

我简直不敢相信！我给人的印象真的这么差吗？

Phoebe

Oh! It's okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.

没事的，相处久了大家就会发现你其实特别温柔善良。

Chandler

Oh good. Good, because I'm sure this interview is gonna last a couple of weeks.

那就好，我还以为这场面试要持续好几周呢。

Phoebe

All right, don't freak out! Okay? I-I will help you. How long before you have to leave?

别慌！我帮你。还有多久要出发？

Chandler

An hour.

一小时。

Phoebe

I can't help you.

那我帮不了你了。

Chandler

Phoebe!

菲比！

Phoebe

All right, all right, we'll just do our best. Okay? So let's say I'm the interviewer and I'm meeting you for the first time. Okay. "Hi! Come on in, I'm uh, Regina Philange."

好好好，我们尽力吧。我来当面试官，第一次见你。你好，请进，我是里贾纳·菲兰奇。

Chandler

Chandler Bing.

钱德·宾。

Phoebe

Bing, what an unusual name.

宾，好特别的姓氏。

Chandler

Well you should meet my uncle, Bada. (Pause) I'll let myself out.

你该见见我叔叔，他叫巴达。（停顿）我还是走吧。

Joey

Hi.

嗨。

The Cooking Teacher

Your Fettuccini Alfredo looks a little dry, did you use all your cheese?

你的阿尔弗雷多宽面看起来有点干，奶酪都用完了吗？

Joey

When you say used, do you mean eat as a pre-cooking snack?

你说的“用”，是指做饭前当零食吃了吗？

The Cooking Teacher

And the cream?

奶油呢？

Joey

Cheese makes me thirsty.

吃奶酪会口渴。

The Cooking Teacher

Okay. Let's move on.

好吧，继续吧。

Joey

All right.

好嘞。

The Cooking Teacher

(To Monica) Oh! Something smells good over at Monica's station! (She tries Monica's fettuccini.) Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! You've never made this before?

（对莫妮卡）哦！莫妮卡这边好香啊！（尝了一口莫妮卡做的宽面）天呐！太好吃了！你以前没做过这个？

Monica

Oh no! I don't know anything about cooking. I had to ask someone what it's called when the, when the water makes those little bubbles.

是啊！我对烹饪一窍不通。我还得问别人水冒小泡泡叫什么呢。

The Cooking Teacher

Well, hats off to the chef.

那真是太厉害了，主厨。

Monica

I-I-I'm sorry, your-your mouth was full, I didn't hear what you said. Umm, hats off to who now?

抱歉，你嘴里有东西，我没听清。你说谁厉害？

The Cooking Teacher

The chef!

主厨啊！

Monica

That's right.

没错。

Chandler

…I think you'll find if I come to work here, I don't micro-manage. I don't shy away from delegating.

……如果我能来这里工作，你会发现我不会事事插手，也不会逃避分配任务。

Phoebe

Um-hmm, that's good to know. But let's stop focusing on what you don't do, and start focusing on what you do do.

嗯，不错。别总说你不做什么，说说你会做什么。

Chandler

(suppressing a smile) What I do do…is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.

（憋笑）我会做的是……为同事营造一个互帮互助的工作氛围。

Phoebe

I see. Nice sidestep on the do do thing by the way.

懂了，避开那个词还挺机智。

Chandler

Hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

这是我这辈子最难的事了。

Phoebe

You gotta go!

该出发了！

Chandler

Oh! (Stands up.)

哦！（站起身。）

Phoebe

Okay, don't worry. You're ready.

别担心，你准备好了。

Chandler

Really?

真的吗？

Phoebe

Absolutely! Just fight all your natural instincts and you'll be great.

当然！只要克制住你的本性，你肯定没问题。

Chandler

Okay.

好。

The Cooking Teacher

Ah Monica, my star student.

莫妮卡，我的明星学生。

Monica

Y'know, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. (Hands it to her.)

你之前这么叫我，我就自作主张用铝箔做了颗星星。没压力，你喜欢我的饼干，就把星星给我。（把星星递给老师。）

The Cooking Teacher

(tasting the cookie and with her mouthful) Oh, yum-yum-yum. (Hands the star back.)

（尝了一口饼干，嘴里塞满东西）嗯，真好吃。（把星星还给莫妮卡。）

Monica

Wow! A star! (The class glares at her.) I know you all hate me and-and I'm sorry, but I don't care.

哇！星星！（全班人瞪着她。）我知道你们都讨厌我，对不起，但我不在乎。

(The teacher goes to Joey's station.)

（老师走到乔伊的位置。）

The Cooking Teacher

Okay Joey, you're up next. (Tries one of his cookies.) This are good! This is amazing! You get an A!

好，乔伊，该你了。（尝了一口他的饼干）真好吃！太棒了！给你A！

Joey

I can an A? In-in school? (To Joey) Hey, I'm a dork.

我得了A？在学校里？嘿，我真是个天才。

Monica

Joey! I'm so proud of you!

乔伊！我太为你骄傲了！

The Cooking Teacher

I think you should give him your star.

你应该把星星给他。

Monica

Excuse me? He doesn't even know what he's doing!

什么？他连自己在做什么都不知道！

The Cooking Teacher

We're all beginners here. Nobody knows what they're doing.

大家都是初学者，没人什么都懂。

Monica

I do! I'm a professional chef! (The class gasps.) Oh relax! It's not a courtroom drama!

我懂！我是专业主厨！（全班倒吸一口气。）别紧张，又不是法庭审判！

The Cooking Teacher

If you're a professional chef, what are you doing taking Introduction to Cooking?

既然你是专业主厨，为什么来上烹饪入门课？

Joey

Yeah!

就是！

Monica

I'm-I'm sorry, it's just that umm… Well I-I cook at this restaurant, Alessandro's, and umm I just got a really bad review…

抱歉，我只是……我在亚历山德罗餐厅当厨师，最近收到了一条很差的评价……

The Cooking Teacher

Oh Alessandro's! I love that place!

亚历山德罗餐厅！我超喜欢那家店！

Monica

You do?

真的吗？

The Cooking Teacher

Oh yes! You're an excellent chef! As a person you're a little…

对啊！你厨艺超棒！就是性格有点……

Monica

Oh, I'm totally crazy, but you-you like the food?

我知道我有点疯，但你喜欢我做的菜就行？

The Cooking Teacher

Very much.

非常喜欢。

Monica

Okay then, I don't stink. I'm a good chef. Okay. (Starts to leave.)

那就好，我厨艺不差，是个好厨师。好了。（准备离开。）

Joey

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I don't want to go. I'm having fun.

等等等等！我不想走，我玩得正开心呢。

The Cooking Teacher

Well actually, did either of you pay for this class?

对了，你们俩交学费了吗？

Joey

Hey-hey-hey, if my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go. (Starts to leave, but comes back for his cookies.)

我朋友说该走了，那就走。（准备离开，又回来拿自己的饼干。）

Chandler

…also I was the point person on my company's transition from the KL-5 to GR-6 system.

……我还是公司KL-5系统升级到GR-6系统的核心负责人。

The Interviewer

You must've had your hands full.

那你肯定忙得不可开交。

Chandler

That I did. That I did.

可不是嘛，忙坏了。

The Interviewer

So let's talk a little bit about your duties.

那我们聊聊你的工作职责。

Chandler

(nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.

（紧张）我的工作职责？（努力憋住不开玩笑）好。

The Interviewer

Now you'll be heading a whole division, so you'll have a lot of duties.

你将负责整个部门，所以工作职责会很多。

Chandler

(trying not to laugh) I see.

（努力憋笑）明白。

The Interviewer

But there'll be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.

手下大概有30个人，你可以把一些工作交给他们做。

Chandler

(really try not to laugh) Good to know.

（拼命憋笑）了解了。

The Interviewer

We can go into detail…

我们可以详细聊聊……

Chandler

No don't I beg of you!

别，千万别！

The Interviewer

All right then, we'll have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, you'll fit in well here.

好，那我们周一给你最终答复，但我可以很有信心地说，你很适合这份工作。

Chandler

(relieved) Really?!

（松了口气）真的吗？！

The Interviewer

Absolutely. (They walk to the door.) You can relax; you did great.

当然。（两人走到门口。）别紧张，你表现得非常好。

Chandler

Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Y'know I've been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. (The interviewer doesn't understand) Duties. (Still doesn't.) Duties! (Still doesn't.) Poo. (Still doesn't.)

谢谢你，我刚才真的特别紧张。别人说我太强势，爱开玩笑，刚才避开那个词真的太难了。（面试官没听懂）职责。（还是没懂）职责！（依旧没懂）屎。（还是没懂。）

The Interviewer

Poo?

屎？

Chandler

Oh my God this doesn't count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! There's a crazy guy out in the hall!

天呐，这不算！面试已经结束了，刚才那个是真正的钱德·宾，现在这个是走廊里的疯子！叫保安！走廊里有个疯子！

The Interviewer

Poo?!

屎？！

Chandler

I'll look forward to your call. (Walks away.)

我等你电话。（转身离开。）

Ross

Hey.

嘿。

Rachel

Hi! You're back from your date!

嗨！约会回来了！

Ross

How are you?

你还好吗？

Rachel

I'm fine, but that's not important. What's important is how was she?

我没事，这不重要。重要的是她怎么样？

Ross

Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee.

挺开心的，我们就喝了杯咖啡。

Rachel

Oh uh-huh, uh-huh, coffee, a little rub-rub-rub under the table.

哦，懂了，就喝了杯咖啡，桌下偷偷摸摸的吧。

Ross

What's uh, what's going on? Do you not, do you not like Katie?

怎么了？你不喜欢凯蒂吗？

Rachel

No! No, she's-She was nice. I mean, she's a little slutty, but who isn't?

不是！她人挺好的，就是有点骚，但谁不骚呢？

Ross

I liked her.

我挺喜欢她的。

Rachel

Of course you did Ross, you would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones!

你当然喜欢，只要有人叫你印第安纳·琼斯，你连大猩猩都愿意约会！

Ross

Did you get like a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones today?!

你今天是不是孕期激素又飙升了？！

Rachel

No! It's just that, Kate bothered me.

不是！就是凯蒂让我不舒服。

Ross

Why? What was wrong with her?

为什么？她哪里不好？

Rachel

There was nothing wrong with her! All right? She was perfectly lovely!

她没什么不好！人超可爱！

Ross

Okay, so what's the matter?

那你怎么了？

Rachel

I don't want you to date her!

我不想你和她约会！

Ross

(laughs) Why? What, what are you jealous?

（笑）为什么？你吃醋了？

Rachel

Yes! And not because I want you to go out with me, but because I don't want you to go out with anybody! Okay? I know it's a terrible thing to even think this, and it's completely inappropriate, but I want you to be at my constant beck and call 24 hours a day! I'm very sorry, but that is just the way that I feel.

对！不是因为我想和你在一起，是我不想你和任何人在一起！我知道这么想很过分，也很不合适，但我就是想让你24小时随叫随到！对不起，但我就是这么想的。

Ross

Okay.

好。

Rachel

What?!

什么？！

Ross

I won't date. I'll uh, I'll be here, with you, all the time.

我不约会了，我会一直陪着你。

Rachel

Really? But I'm being so unreasonable.

真的吗？但我太不讲理了。

Ross

True, but you're allowed to be unreasonable. You're having our baby.

是，但你可以不讲理，你怀着我们的孩子呢。

(Pause.)

（停顿。）

Rachel

(starting to cry) Oh Ross, thank you. Thank you. (They hug.)

（哭了）罗斯，谢谢你，谢谢你。（两人拥抱。）

Ross

Do you feel better?

好点了吗？

Rachel

No, not really. You're pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. (She gets up and starts for the bathroom.)

没有，你把宝宝压到我膀胱了，我想上厕所。抱歉。（起身走向卫生间。）

Ross

Uh Rach?

瑞秋？

Rachel

Yeah. (Stops and starts doing the I-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom dance.)

嗯。（停下脚步，扭捏着想上厕所。）

Ross

Just one thing umm…

有件事……

Rachel

Uh-huh.

嗯。

Ross

We live together. You're having our baby. I'm not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you don't want something more?

我们住在一起，你怀着我们的孩子，我也不会和别人约会。你真的不想我们更进一步吗？

Rachel

(pause) Wow! I don't know, maybe. I'm…

（停顿）哇！我不知道，或许吧。我……

Ross

Oh-oh, Rach! I was just messin' around! (She's stunned) Like you did last night when I had to pee?

瑞秋！我开玩笑的！（瑞秋愣住）就像昨晚我想上厕所时，你耍我那样？

Rachel

(laughs) I knew that! I knew that! I was just messin' with you too!

（笑）我就知道！我早就知道！我也在耍你！

Ross

(pause) Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you…

好吧，刚才你说你……

Rachel

Oh no-no-no-no, no!

没有没有没有！

Ross

…that you actually…

……你真的……

Rachel

No that's just-(Laughs)-That's just 'cause I'm such a good messer!

不是，我就是太会开玩笑了！

(They both laugh. Ross sits down, but Rachel doesn't move and is lost in thought.)

（两人大笑。罗斯坐下，瑞秋却站在原地，陷入沉思。）

Ross

Rach?

瑞秋？

Rachel

Yeah?

嗯？

Ross

The bathroom?

不上厕所了？

Rachel

Right! (Heads for the bathroom.)

对！（走向卫生间。）

Closing Credits

片尾字幕

Joey

Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, that's the first A I've gotten since seventh grade, and I didn't have to sleep with the teacher this time.

我玩得超开心！学会了烤东西，吃了好多好吃的，这是我七年级以来第一次得A，而且这次不用和老师睡觉。

Monica

Oh, look! Acting for Beginners! Want to feel good about yourself?

看！表演入门课！要不要去找点自信？

Joey

What the hell!

走就走！

Monica

Okay.

好。

(They enter.)

（两人走进教室。）

The Acting Teacher

All right, let's start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?

好了，我们从基础开始。有人能告诉我舞台后方和舞台前方的区别吗？

(No one can and Monica looks at Joey expectantly.)

（没人回答，莫妮卡期待地看向乔伊。）

Joey

Yeah, this was a stupid idea. (Exits.)

算了，这主意真蠢。（离开教室。）

End

剧终