The One With The Baby Shower

Rachel

(entering) Hi!

（走进来）嗨！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

So what's the final head count on my baby shower?

我的新生儿派对最后有多少人来？

Phoebe

About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.

大概二十个，有几个同事有事来不了。

Monica

Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it.

还有你的两个妹妹也打电话来了，都来不了。

Rachel

What?! You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and there's no booze?! That's shocking! I don't care, as long as my mom's here.

什么？！她们居然连这种没有男人、没有酒的社交活动都不来？！太让人震惊了！我不在乎，只要我妈来就行。

Monica

Oh my God, your mother!

天啊，你妈！

Rachel

What?! My mom's not gonna be here?!

什么？！我妈不来吗？

Monica

Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.

我们忘了邀请她，她要是能来，那也太巧了。

Rachel

My God!

天啊！

Monica

Well it wasn't my fault, Phoebe was in charge of the invitations!

不是我的错，邀请名单是菲比负责的！

Phoebe

Well I don't, I don't have a mother so often I forget that other people…

我没有妈妈，所以我总忘了别人有妈妈……

Monica

(interrupting her) Oh give it a rest!

（打断她）别找借口了！

Rachel

So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!

所以我妈不来我的新生儿派对了？

Phoebe

No. (Pause) Neither is mine.

不来。（停顿）我妈也不来。

Monica

Okay, y'know what? Don't worry, okay? We'll take care of it. We'll call her. Just go home and get ready.

好了，别担心，好吗？我们来搞定，我们给她打电话。你先回家准备吧。

Rachel

Please, make sure she comes. It's really important to me, I mean it's my mom!

拜托，一定要让她来。这对我很重要，她是我妈妈啊！

Phoebe

I know. I know, what's her number?

我知道。我知道，她的电话号码是多少？

Rachel

I don't know.

我不知道。

Monica

Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If you're in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call her-Hello Mrs. Green! Hi, it's Monica Geller.

快去！我电话本里有，快去！（瑞秋离开，莫妮卡给格林夫人打电话）（对菲比）等等！邀请名单是你负责的，为什么要我打电话？-你好，格林夫人！我是莫妮卡·盖勒。

Mrs. Green

Oh, hello Monica.

哦，你好，莫妮卡。

Monica

(on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.

（打电话）嗨，我知道有点晚了，但我们临时决定今天给瑞秋办个新生儿派对。

Mrs. Green

I know, my daughter's told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.

我知道，一个月前她们收到临时邀请时，我女儿就跟我说了。

Monica

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm so sorry.

对不起，真的很抱歉。

Mrs. Green

For what dear? For not inviting me or lying about it?

抱歉什么，亲爱的？是忘了邀请我，还是为此撒谎？

Monica

(To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (on phone) Please! Please! Can you come? It's today at four.

（对菲比）天啊，我紧张死了！（打电话）拜托！拜托！你能来吗？今天四点。

Mrs. Green

Well all right. I'll see you at four.

好吧，我四点到。

Monica

Thank you. (Hangs up.)

谢谢。（挂断电话）

Phoebe

Isn't it at three?

不是三点吗？

Monica

Son of a bitch! (Calls Mrs. Green again.)

该死！（再次给格林夫人打电话）

Chandler

Hey Joe! You wanna shoot some hoops?

嘿，乔！要不要打篮球？

Joey

Oh no, I can't go. I'm practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.

不行，我在练习，我有个新游戏节目主持人的试镜。

Ross

Oh cool!

酷啊！

Chandler

That's great.

太棒了。

Joey

Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day I'll (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night I'll be (In an announcer's voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!

是啊，要是选上了，白天我是（性感语气）德雷克·雷莫雷医生，晚上我就是（主持人语气）乔伊·崔比昂尼！

Chandler

You'll be perfect for this! That's already your name!

你太合适了！名字都不用改！

Joey

But the audition's in a couple hours and I don't even understand the game.

但试镜几小时后就开始了，我连游戏规则都不懂。

Ross

Well do you want some help?

要帮忙吗？

Joey

Oh really? That'd be great! You guys can be the contestants!

真的吗？太好了！你们可以当参赛者！

Ross

Awesome!

太棒了！

Chandler

Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.

行吧，输给初中女生的事下次再说。

Joey

(announcer voice) All right! Let's play Bamboozled!

（主持人语气）好了！我们来玩《迷惑游戏》！

Chandler

Bamboozled?

《迷惑游戏》？

Joey

Yeah, isn't that a cool name?

是啊，名字酷吧？

Ross

(simultaneously with Chandler) Yeah!

（和钱德同时）酷！

Chandler

(simultaneously with Ross) No!

（和罗斯同时）不酷！

Joey

All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why don't you tell us a little something about you Ross?

好了。嗯，第一位参赛者是罗斯·盖勒。罗斯，跟大家简单介绍一下自己吧？

Ross

Well uh, I-I'm a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uh…

嗯，我是古生物学家。我住在纽约，有个儿子叫本。嗨，本！（挥手）还有……

Joey

I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler?

我说简单介绍，罗斯。钱德，你呢？

Chandler

Well Joey, I'm a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi Rasputin! (Waves.)

乔伊，我是猎头。帮失业的苏联科学家联系第三世界国家。嗨，拉斯普京！（挥手）

Joey

Excellent! Let's play Bamboozled! Chandler, you'll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?

不错！我们来玩《迷惑游戏》！钱德，你先来。哥伦比亚的首都是哪里？

Chandler

Bogota.

波哥大。

Joey

It's Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.

是波-哥-大，差不多。现在你可以把机会让给罗斯，或者抽一张邪恶旺戈卡。

Chandler

What does a Wicked Wango card do?

邪恶旺戈卡有什么用？

Joey

I should know that. Let's see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.

我应该知道的。等一下，我看看。嗯，找到了，邪恶旺戈卡决定你是要选高还是选低。

Chandler

Higher or lower than what?

比什么高或低？

Joey

This is embarrassing. (Looks it up.)

太尴尬了。（翻看规则）

Chandler

(To Ross) Can you believe how lame this is?

（对罗斯）你敢信这游戏有多无聊吗？

Ross

I'm sorry, I don't believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.

抱歉，参赛者之间不能说话。

Phoebe

Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. That's good right?

我跟脱衣舞男说五点到，挺好的吧？

Monica

You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!

你给派对请脱衣舞男？太不合适了！

Phoebe

What? He's gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green!

怎么了？他会穿婴儿服的！（格林夫人走进来）嗨，格林夫人！

Monica

Hi!

嗨！

Phoebe

I'm so glad you could make it.

很高兴你能来。

Monica

Yes, thank you so much. And again, we're so sorry. We could not feel worse about it.

是啊，太感谢你了。再次跟你道歉，我们真的很过意不去。

Mrs. Green

Try. There's my little girl. (Goes over to Rachel.)

是吗？我的小宝贝在那儿呢。（走向瑞秋）

Monica

She's still mad.

她还在生气。

Phoebe

Yeah I know. Isn't it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.

我知道。多好啊，又少一个要应付的人。

Monica

Phoebe, Sandra's mad at you too. It-it doesn't bother you?

菲比，桑德拉也在生你的气，你不介意吗？

Phoebe

No look, we've apologized twice! I can't do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.

不介意，我们都道歉两次了！我已经仁至义尽了。我知道你不喜欢别人生你的气，但你得学会接受。

Monica

Okay. I can do that. (Pause) I gotta go powder my ass.

好，我能做到。（停顿）我去补个妆。

Mrs. Green

Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didn't know better I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, let's get some tea.

看这小脸！跟你高中时一模一样！不知情的还以为你是惹了麻烦的啦啦队长呢。来，喝点茶。

Rachel

Okay. (Mrs. Green helps her up and they walk over and get some tea.)

好。（格林夫人扶她起来，两人走去倒茶）

Mrs. Green

Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I don't want you to use your housekeeper 'cause it would just split her focus.

天啊，都这样了。还有三周就生了，保姆找好了吗？别用家里的管家，她分心照顾不好。

Rachel

Oh well actually gonna use a nanny and uh, I don't even have a housekeeper.

我打算找保姆，而且我根本没有管家。

Mrs. Green

It's like you're a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You don't know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.

你过得也太原始了。瑞秋，你必须找保姆，你不知道带孩子有多累。你小时候我有全职佣人，凯伊夫人。

Rachel

Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca. (I think that's your mother's crazy.)

凯伊夫人！是啊，她人很好，还教我西班牙语。我还记得几句，tu madre es loca。（我记得是“你妈妈疯了”的意思）

Mrs. Green

Such a sweet woman.

多好的人啊。

Rachel

Well, however great she was I just can't afford that.

她再好我也请不起。

Mrs. Green

Oh Rachel!

瑞秋！

Rachel

What?

怎么了？

Mrs. Green

I just had the greatest idea! I'm gonna come live with you!

我有个好主意！我搬来跟你住！

Rachel

Wh-wh-what? What?

什、什么？

Mrs. Green

Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna do this for my little girl. Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes.

我太开心了，我要为我的小宝贝这么做。看你，都感动哭了。

Rachel

Yes. Yes I do.

是啊，我哭了。

Joey

All right Ross you're in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

好了罗斯，你现在领先，要再答一题还是转动混乱轮盘？

Ross

The wheel has not been my friend tonight Joey. Uh, I'll take another question.

今晚轮盘对我不太友好，乔伊。我再答一题。

Joey

Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.

好，这题很难，屏住呼吸。

Ross

It's okay, I'm ready.

没事，我准备好了。

Joey

No dude, you gotta hold your breath until you're ready to answer the question.

不是，老兄，你要一直屏住呼吸，直到准备好答题。

Chandler

This is ridiculous, he's not gonna hold his breath… (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)

太荒谬了，他才不会憋气……（罗斯深吸一口气，憋住）

Joey

Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris…Holy cow, that's a big word. Trisc… Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?

好，患有特里……天啊，这词好长。特里……你们看。钱德，这词怎么念？

Chandler

Let me see that.

我看看。

Joey

This one right here. (Ross whines.)

就是这个。（罗斯憋得难受）

Chandler

Triscadecaphobia.

十三恐惧症。

Ross

(exhaling) The fear of Triscuts!

（呼气）怕吃三角饼干！

Joey

No! No, fear of the number 13.

不对！是害怕数字13。

Chandler

Fear of Triscuts?

怕三角饼干？

Ross

It's possible, they have really sharp edges.

有可能啊，饼干边很尖。

Joey

All right Chandler, you're up.

好了钱德，轮到你了。

Ross

Wait a minute, I-I believe I'm entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?

等等，我可以用我的天使卡多玩一轮吧？

Chandler

This game makes no sense!

这游戏根本没逻辑！

Ross

Y'know what? You're just upset because you're losing.

你就是因为快输了才生气。

Chandler

Oh come on Ross, I think we're all losers here.

得了吧罗斯，我们在这游戏里都是失败者。

Joey

All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.

好了。钱德，你可以转轮盘或者抽一张谷歌卡。

Chandler

Let me think. Let me think-Oh! I don't care.

我想想。嗯，随便。

Joey

You-you must choose Mr. Bing.

你必须选，宾先生。

Chandler

Either, it makes no difference.

随便，都一样。

Joey

Choose, you jackass!

快选，笨蛋！

Chandler

I'll take a card.

我抽卡。

Joey

Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Ross's points!

好，你抽到拿分卡！拿走罗斯所有分数！

Ross

What?!

什么？！

Chandler

This game is kinda fun.

这游戏还挺好玩的。

Ross

(To Chandler) You don't think it's a little crazy that you get all my points just 'cause you…

（对钱德）你不觉得很离谱吗，你就因为……拿走我所有分数。

Chandler

I don't think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.

参赛者之间不能说话。

Rachel

Why did you invite my mother?!

你们为什么要请我妈来？！

Monica

What?

怎么了？

Rachel

She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.

她想搬来和我、罗斯一起住，帮我们带孩子。

Phoebe

For how long?

住多久？

Rachel

Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.

八周。我是爱我妈，但天啊，跟她吃顿长午饭都累。

Monica

I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.

要是她想跟我住，我会很荣幸。

Phoebe

She can't hear you.

她听不到。

Rachel

What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do?

什么？你们别这样！我该怎么办？

Phoebe

Well, if you don't want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.

你不想她搬来，直接跟她说就行。

Rachel

You're right. You're right. I mean I'm about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I don't want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! She's gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!

你说得对。我都快当妈了，我可以跟她说不想她睡我家沙发！天啊！她肯定想跟我睡一张床，绝对不行！

Monica

That's right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you don't want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!

没错，你过去跟她说，你不想她住进来，别妥协！

Rachel

Okay. (She goes over to tell her mother.)

好。（走向她妈妈）

Monica

(To Phoebe) This is great! Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel! Y'know what? And I'm just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.

（对菲比）太好了！现在她会生瑞秋的气！我再过去，当她贴心的干女儿。

Phoebe

I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! It's time to open the presents!

我现在佩服钱德了。好了各位！拆礼物时间到！

Monica

Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because you're the most important person in this room. And in the world!

对！瑞秋第一个拆外婆送的礼物，你是全场最重要的人，全世界最重要的人！

Mrs. Green

Well uh, I don't have a gift because I wasn't invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyone's attention.

我没准备礼物，毕竟最后一刻才收到邀请，谢谢你特意提醒大家。

Phoebe

How about you less important people, let's open your presents!

其他不重要的人，拆你们的礼物吧！

(Mrs. Green goes into the kitchen and Rachel follows her.)

（格林夫人走进厨房，瑞秋跟过去）

Rachel

Mom that's okay that you didn't get you a gift!

妈，你没带礼物没关系的！

Mrs. Green

Well, I kinda did. Me. Eight weeks of me.

我带了，就是我自己，陪你八周。

Rachel

Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own.

是啊。妈，其实我自己能应付。

Mrs. Green

Sweetheart I know you're gonna be terrific mom, I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning.

宝贝，我知道你会是好妈妈，只是刚开始你需要帮忙。

Rachel

But mom, I really know what I'm doing. I can handle this.

妈，我知道怎么做，我能搞定。

Mrs. Green

Really? Remember Twinkles?

是吗？还记得特温克斯吗？

Rachel

He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!

那是只仓鼠！我才不会把孩子吸进吸尘器！

Phoebe

Okay, come on Rach it's present time! Y'know you're the glue that's holding this whole party together. It's kinda falling apart here.

好了瑞秋，拆礼物了！你是派对的核心，都快散场了。

Mrs. Green

Oh look.

看。

Rachel

Wow!

哇！

Phoebe

Okay, this is from your friend at work.

这是你同事送的。

Rachel

Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (She's holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That can't be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?

天啊！哇！我知道这是什么！（拿着一个带大吸盘、连黄色塑料盒、细长管子和瓶子的东西）等等，不对吧？这是婴儿用的啤酒管吗？

Mrs. Green

Darling, that's a breast pump!

宝贝，这是吸奶器！

Rachel

Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! What's this?

我还没猜完呢。谢谢。哇！这是什么？

Woman

It's a diaper genie.

是尿布垃圾桶。

Rachel

Oh, it dispenses clean diapers!

哦，是装干净尿布的！

Woman

No! It's where you put the dirty ones!

不是！是装脏尿布的！

Rachel

Well that's gross, why don't you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?

好恶心，直接拿到外面扔垃圾桶不就行了？

Mrs. Green

Oh you're gonna do that ten times a day?

你一天要扔十次？

Rachel

What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!

什么？一天十次？我们给孩子吃什么了？印度菜？

Mrs. Green

No dear, that's what babies do.

不是，宝贝，婴儿都这样。

Monica

Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.

瑞秋，听你妈的，她很懂。

Mrs. Green

Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while you're trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?

而且你一天跑十次扔垃圾，孩子怎么办？

Rachel

I don't know, I'd leave it on the changing table? (Everyone gasps.) What?! What'd I do? What'd I do?!

不知道，放换尿布台上？（众人倒吸一口气）怎么了？我怎么了？

Mrs. Green

You can't leave a baby alone!

不能把婴儿单独留下！

Rachel

Oh come-(Stutters)-Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who would-she wouldn't be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Y'know what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, I'm just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.

我当然知道，我怎么会……孩子跟我在一起才安全，我是笨妈妈。天啊，拆礼物有点受不了，晚点再拆吧，谢谢大家来，谢谢礼物，这个篮子真好看。

Woman

It's actually a bassinet.

这是婴儿摇篮。

Rachel

Okay mommy, don't ever leave me. (Hugs her.)

妈妈，别离开我。（拥抱她）

Joey

(To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!"

“徽章？我们才不要什么破徽章！”

Chandler

Treasure of the Sierra Madre!

《碧血金沙》！

Joey

Correct! There's a possible backwards bonus!

答对！倒背加分！

Chandler

Madre Sierra the of Treasure!

山金沙碧！

Joey

Yes!

对！

Chandler

I'd like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.

我要爬机遇之梯，去金色泥屋。

Joey

Wise choice, how many rungs?

明智，爬几级？

Chandler

Six!

六级！

Joey

(makes a sound like a monkey) That noise can only me one thing.

（学猴子叫）这声音只有一种意思。

Chandler

(disappointed and simultaneously as Ross) Hungry monkey.

（失望地和罗斯同时）饿猴子。

Ross

(excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) I'd like a Wicked Wango card!

（兴奋地和钱德同时）饿猴子！（对钱德）哈哈！（对乔伊）我要邪恶旺戈卡！

Joey

Okay, it's an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)

好，音频题，说出这首电视剧主题曲。（哼唱《太空仙女恋》主题曲）

Ross

(thinking) Oh. (Pause) Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second!

（思考）哦。（停顿）哦！天啊！我知道，等一下！

Chandler

Tell it to the Time Turtle!

跟时间乌龟说吧！

Ross

Shut up! I Dream of Genie!

闭嘴！《太空仙女恋》！

Joey

Yes! Yes, you're back in the lead!

对！你又领先了！

Ross

I'd like to spin the wheel!

我要转轮盘！

(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)

（乔伊模仿游戏轮盘转动、指针跳动、停下的声音）

Chandler

(annoyed) Oh come on!!

（生气）搞什么！

Joey

All right! All right! Uh, umm, Super-Speedy Speed round!

好了！极速快问快答！

Ross

Is there a hopping bonus?

单脚跳加分吗？

Joey

Of course!

当然！

(Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.)

（罗斯起身，开始单脚跳）

Joey

Who invented bifocals?

谁发明了双光眼镜？

Ross

Ben Franklin.

本杰明·富兰克林。

Joey

Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?

答对！英国在位时间最长的君主是谁？

Ross

Queen Victoria.

维多利亚女王。

Joey

Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus!

又答对！但你答题时没换脚跳，没有加分！

Ross

Noooo!!! Every time!!!

不要！每次都这样！

Joey

Now, over to Chandler.

轮到钱德。

Chandler

I'd like a Google Card.

我要谷歌卡。

Joey

Are you sure?

确定？

Chandler

Yes! (Pause) No! (Pause) Google!

确定！（停顿）不确定！（停顿）谷歌卡！

Joey

Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, you've been Bamboozled!

天啊！恭喜罗斯，钱德，你被迷惑了！

Chandler

Nooo!!

不要！

Ross

Yeah!!

耶！

Chandler

This is the best game ever!!!

这游戏太好玩了！

Rachel

So umm, you're gonna stay with me as long as I need you?

我需要你的时候，你都会在吗？

Mrs. Green

Of course I am!

当然！

Rachel

Oh mom, I swear I'm not an idiot. I've read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didn't think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The baby's coming and I don't know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?

妈，我不是笨蛋，我看了好多怀孕分娩的书，但没看宝宝出生后的部分。结果宝宝快出生了，我什么都不会。我能吐在尿布垃圾桶里吗？

Mrs. Green

No. Sweetie, you're gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)

不行。宝贝，你会没事的。（起身）

Rachel

Wait-wait where are you going? Where are you going?

等等，你去哪？

Mrs. Green

I'm going to the bathroom.

我去洗手间。

Rachel

Okay.

好。

Mrs. Green

Now don't worry! Everything's gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)

别担心，一切都会好的。（站着拥抱坐着的瑞秋，莫妮卡见状，从后面抱住格林夫人）

Monica

It is going to be okay! (Mrs. Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica while she heads for the bathroom.) It was worth a shot.

一切都会好的！（格林夫人回头瞪了她一眼，走向洗手间）试试又不亏。

Ross

(entering, out of breath) Hey!

（气喘吁吁走进来）嘿！

Phoebe

Hey! Why are you all red and sweaty?

嘿！怎么满脸通红还出汗？

Ross

I just Bamboozled Chandler! (Flexes in victory while everyone stares at him.) Which is not uh sexual thing. That was a quick shower.

我刚赢了钱德！（得意地秀肌肉，众人看着他）不是那种赢，洗了个快澡。

Phoebe

Not if you were here.

你在就不是快澡了。

Ross

Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff.

哇！好多礼物啊。

Rachel

Oh we did, but my mom got us the greatest gift of all.

是啊，我妈送了最好的礼物。

Ross

(excited) A Play-Dough Barber Shop?

（兴奋）彩泥理发店套装？

Rachel

No. She's going to live with us for eight weeks.

不是，她搬来跟我们住八周。

Ross

Uh, what?

什么？

Rachel

Yes! She's gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isn't happy.)

是啊，帮我们带孩子！耶。（看到罗斯不开心）

Ross

What-You're not serious. I mean she's a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. She'll drive us totally crazy.

你认真的？她人是好，但八周太长了，我们会疯的。

Mrs. Green

(entering from bathroom) Hi Ross!

（从洗手间出来）嗨，罗斯！

Ross

Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.)

嗨，室友！（拥抱她，看向瑞秋）

Man

Hey Joey, hi! I'm Ray; I'm the producer of the show.

嘿，乔伊！我是雷，节目制作人。

Joey

(announcer voice) It's a pleasure to meet you Ray.

（主持人语气）很高兴见到你，雷。

Ray

And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, they're gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, let's get the camera rolling.

这是邓肯（指向摄影师）和艾琳，协助试镜。开拍吧。

Joey

(announcer voice) Rightie-O Ray!

（主持人语气）好嘞，雷！

Ray

Whenever you're ready.

随时可以开始。

Joey

(to the camera) Hello, I'm Joey Tribbiani! Let's play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?

（对着镜头）大家好，我是乔伊·崔比昂尼！我们来玩《迷惑游戏》！艾琳，你先答题！冰球界谁被称为“最伟大的球员”？

Erin

Wayne Gretzky.

韦恩·格雷茨基。

Joey

Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

答对！你要抽邪恶旺戈卡还是转动混乱轮盘？

Ray

Uh Joey, didn't your agents give you the revised rules? We've eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards.

乔伊，经纪人没给你新规则吗？那些都取消了，没有轮盘和卡片。

Joey

What-Why?!

什么？为什么？

Ray

Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn't follow it.

游戏太复杂，观众看不懂。

Joey

Well what's complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! You're in Paradise Pond!

哪里复杂？转动混乱轮盘爬机遇之梯，路过泥屋穿过彩虹环到金猴子那，拽尾巴，就到天堂池了！

Ray

Yeah all that's gone. It's basically just a simple question and answer game now.

那些都没了，就是简单的问答游戏。

Joey

Well what's fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game that's just people standing around answering questions?

那有什么意思？让我主持无聊的问答游戏？

Ray

Well, there'll be women in bikinis holding up the scores.

会有穿比基尼的女生举分牌。

Joey

(announcer voice to the camera) Let's play Bamboozled!

（对着镜头，主持人语气）我们来玩《迷惑游戏》！

Mrs. Green

…and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage.

罗斯，你那些恐龙摆件，放车库比较好。

Ross

Well we…we don't have a garage.

我们没有车库。

Mrs. Green

Did I say garage? I meant garbage.

我说错了，是垃圾桶。

Ross

Y'know what? Maybe, Mrs. Green, it's not absolutely vital that you live with us.

格林夫人，或许你没必要搬来住。

Mrs. Green

Well Rachel needs help with the baby.

瑞秋需要人帮忙带孩子。

Rachel

I do. I really do. I don't know anything.

是啊，我什么都不会。

Ross

I'm-I'm sure that's not true.

才不是。

Rachel

Oh no? Pheebs? Monica? Do I know anything about babies?

不是？菲比？莫妮卡？我懂带孩子吗？

Phoebe

No, not a thing.

完全不懂。

Monica

It's frightening.

吓人。

Ross

Well uh, y'know what? Even if she doesn't know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didn't live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.

就算她不懂，我懂！我有儿子，我和他妈妈不住一起，他跟我时，都是我一个人照顾。

Mrs. Green

That's true. You do have another child.

没错，你有孩子。

Ross

Yeah.

是啊。

Mrs. Green

With another woman. Have you no control Ross?

和别的女人生的，罗斯你真不自律。

Ross

That's a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to…to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.

两回事。重点是宝宝出生后，我会喂她、洗澡、换尿布，我愿意做这些事。

Mrs. Green

Well then you really don't need me to live with you.

那你们确实不需要我搬来。

Ross

Yes! Yes, you're gonna be so missed.

是啊！我们会想你的。

Mrs. Green

You're gonna be a great father.

你会是好爸爸。

Ross

Well you're gonna be a wonderful grandma. (They hug.)

你会是好外婆。（两人拥抱）

Rachel

Hello?! I still don't know what the hell I'm doing!

喂？我还是什么都不会啊！

Ross

Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. You'll-you're gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesn't believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, y'know when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddy's credit card. Do you remember?

别这样，新手妈妈都这样，慢慢就会了。（瑞秋不信）你会的！你刚来纽约时，还是个娇生惯养、只会用爸爸信用卡的小女孩，记得吗？

Rachel

I hope you're going somewhere with this.

希望你说这些有意义。

Ross

Look at you! What-You're-you're this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt you're gonna be an incredible mother.

看看你！现在是高管！你比自己想的厉害，你一定会是超棒的妈妈。

Rachel

Really?

真的？

Ross

I'm telling you.

真的。

Rachel

Thank you. (Hugs him.)

谢谢。（拥抱他）

Mrs. Green

All right you two, I'm gonna get going.

好了，我走了。

Ross

Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)

好。（两人起身）

Mrs. Green

Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. I'll let myself out. It's like I'm not here, which I almost wasn't.

别起来，我自己走，就当我没来过，差点就没来成。

Monica

(laughs) You're still so funny. You're so funny. (To Phoebe) What do I do?

（笑）你真幽默。（对菲比）我该怎么办？

Phoebe

Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and she's been nothing but terrible to you. And don't forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasn't even thanked you for it.

别理她！你道歉无数次，她还对你态度差。你给她女儿办了派对，她连谢谢都没说。

Monica

Y'know what? You're-you're right.

你说得对。

Phoebe

Yeah I mean if you want to say anything to her, I'd tell her off.

你想怼她就怼。

Monica

Really?

真的？

Phoebe

Uh-huh!

嗯！

Monica

Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasn't on purpose! But what you're during to me now is just plain spiteful!

好！我去！格林夫人！（格林夫人不理她，莫妮卡和菲比跟到走廊）不跟主人道别就走太没礼貌了！别人道歉你该接受！我不是故意的，你这样太过分了！

Mrs. Green

Spiteful?!

过分？

Monica

That's right! Maybe it's time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady…old lady…lady!

没错！你该好好照照镜子，小姑娘……老太太……女士！

Phoebe

(To Monica) Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up…

（对莫妮卡）别说了……

Monica

So whenever you're ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I can't feel my legs!

你想道歉了我就原谅你，再见！（两人回公寓，莫妮卡关门，格林夫人愣住）我腿软了！

Phoebe

You were fantastic! I'm so proud of you!

你太棒了，我为你骄傲！

Monica

Yeah? I'm proud of me too.

是吗？我也为自己骄傲。

Phoebe

You should be!

必须的！

Monica

Yeah could-could-could you get me something to drink?

能给我拿点喝的吗？

Phoebe

You got it!

好！

Monica

Okay. (When Phoebe turns around Monica runs out into the hall after Mrs. Green.) Mrs. Green! Okay I'm really sorry!! I'm apologizing for the-(She trips and falls down the stairs.) (Pause) Okay, I bit my tongue, but I'm still really sorry!

好。（菲比转身，莫妮卡跑出去追格林夫人）格林夫人！我真的很抱歉！我为……（摔倒在楼梯上）我咬到舌头了，但我还是很抱歉！

Rachel

(closing a book) Okay! I'm ready.

（合上书）好了，我准备好了。

Ross

You sure?

确定？

Rachel

Yes, I've done my studying and I really know my stuff.

嗯，我学完了，都懂了。

Ross

All right then. (Gets up, in an announcer's voice) Rachel Green! Let's play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the baby's bath water?

好。（起身，主持人语气）瑞秋·格林！我们来玩《迷惑游戏》！（看卡片）怎么测婴儿洗澡水温度？

Rachel

Uh, put your elbow in it.

用手肘试。

Ross

Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?

答对！怎么哄婴儿午睡？

Rachel

Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.

吃饱、干爽、仰卧、无松散被子。

Ross

That's correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)

答对！音频题，婴儿发出这种声音怎么办？（模仿猫被掐住的声音）

Rachel

Check if it's wet, check if it's hungry, burp it!

检查尿布、饿不饿、拍嗝！

Ross

Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card?

太棒了！再来一题还是抽邪恶旺戈卡？

Rachel

A card! A card! I pick a card!

抽卡！我要抽卡！

Ross

Oh, I'm sorry you've been Bamboozled! You're gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) I've lost sight of why we're doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)

抱歉，你被迷惑了！你会是个糟糕的妈妈！（瑞秋震惊地看着他）我忘了初衷了！（瑞秋起身走开）

End

结束