The One With Joey’s Interview

Rachel

Hi!

嗨！

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

So, I'm in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down. (She hands the magazine to Joey.)

我在公寓里做《肥皂剧文摘》的填字游戏，猜猜竖排第三行的线索是谁。（她把杂志递给乔伊）

Joey

(reading) Three down, Days Of Our Lives star blank Tribbiani. That's me!! I'm blank!!

____ 崔比昂尼。是我！！我就是那个空！！

Monica

How cool is this?! We know three down! I'm touching three down! (She has her hand on his shoulder.)

太酷了吧！！我们认识竖排第三行的人！我还摸着竖排第三行的人呢！（她把手放在乔伊肩上）

Joey

Yeah you are baby.

是啊宝贝。

Monica

Three down knows I'm married, what's three down doin'?

竖排第三行的人知道我已婚，他打算怎么办呀？

Rachel

So did they call you to tell you your name's gonna be in this?

他们打电话通知你名字会登在上面吗？

Joey

No. They really like me over there. They want to do a big profile on me, but I said no.

没有。他们那边很喜欢我，想给我做个大专访，但我拒绝了。

Ross

Why'd you say no?

你为什么拒绝？

Joey

Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. So who knows what I might say this time.

还记得上次我接受他们采访发生了什么吗？我说很多台词都是我自己写的，结果编剧生气了，把我的角色写得掉进电梯井摔死了。谁知道这次我又会说些什么。

Chandler

If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)

要是你脑子里有东西能管住自己的嘴就好了。（乔伊点头表示同意）

Rachel

Oh, come on Joey! You will totally keep it in check this time, and plus y'know the publicity would be really good for your career! And you deserve that! And if you do the interview you can mention, oh I don't know, gal pal Rachel Green?

别这样嘛乔伊！这次你肯定能管住自己，而且你知道，这次曝光对你事业超有好处！这也是你应得的！而且你接受采访时，可以提一下，嗯，我的闺蜜瑞秋·格林？

Chandler

Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R?

闺蜜这个词是不是拼写成“失败者”？

Rachel

Okay, don't listen to him. Please?

别听他的，好不好？

Joey

Fine! All right, I'll do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I y'know, start to say something stupid.

好吧！我接受。但你们得坐在我旁边的桌子，要是我开始说蠢话，你们得及时阻止我。

Ross

Just then or-or all the time, 'cause we-we have jobs y'know.

就采访那会儿，还是一直陪着？我们毕竟还要上班。

Rachel

Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! I'm gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.

拜托！我们全程陪着你！只要记得提闺蜜瑞秋·格林就行。（兴奋地）哈哈！我要上《肥皂剧文摘》了！不只是出现在无聊的填字游戏里。（看向乔伊）说真的，我为你骄傲。

Joey

Yeah.

嗯。

Opening Credits

片头字幕

The Interviewer

I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.

非常感谢你抽空接受采访。

Joey

Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.

不客气，我很乐意。

Monica

(To Chandler) You think we're being obvious?

（对钱德说）你觉得我们是不是太明显了？

Chandler

No, we're just four people with neck problems. You talk like this. (Out of the sides of their mouths.)

不会，我们就是四个脖子不太舒服的人。说话就这德行。（几个人都用嘴角小声说话）

The Interviewer

(To Joey) Y'know I think its great you wanted to meet here. Y'know when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant.

（对乔伊说）你选在这里见面真的很好。大多数人听说杂志买单，都会想去高档餐厅。

Joey

(laughs) Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying for it. Wouldn't have mattered, I'm doing this for the fans, not for the free food.

（笑）其实我不知道是杂志买单。不过无所谓，我接受采访是为了粉丝，不是为了蹭吃的。

Gunther

Can I get you anything?

需要点什么吗？

The Interviewer

Umm, I'll have a cup of coffee.

嗯，我要一杯咖啡。

Joey

And I'll have all the muffins.

我要所有的松饼。

Phoebe

(entering) Hey!

（走进来）嘿！

Ross

Shhh! We're not talking.

嘘！我们在静音模式。

Phoebe

Oh. Finally! Oh. (Sits back in relief.)

哦，终于安静了。（松了口气坐下）

The Interviewer

So, according to your bio, you've done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. Anything you're particularly proud of?

根据你的资料，在出演《光辉岁月》前你演过不少作品，有没有特别引以为傲的？

Joey

(He goes into a song and dance number)

（又唱又跳）

All you want is a dingle,

你想要的就是个小玩意儿，

What you envy's a schwang,

你羡慕的就是个大家伙，

A thing through which you can tinkle,

一个能让你嘘嘘的东西，

Or play with, or simply let hang...

可以把玩，或者就这么挂着……

Host

Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.

朋友们，你们遇到过这种情况吗？去冰箱拿一杯美味的牛奶，（背景里乔伊费劲地撕牛奶盒）但这破盒子怎么这么难开。

Joey

Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!

可不是嘛，迈克。（撕开盒子，牛奶洒在台面上）唉！肯定有更好的办法！

Mike

And there is Kevin.

还真有，凯文。

Mike

This is the first time he's ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.

这是他第一次用这个产品，之前从没试过，大家看有多简单。（对乔伊）来吧。（乔伊开始用产品，是个可以插进牛奶盒的出水口，不用撕盒子）所有牛奶盒都能用。

Joey

(finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.

（装好“牛奶大师2000”）哇，真简单。（开始倒牛奶）现在我每天都能喝牛奶了。

(The crowd ahhs.)

（观众发出惊叹声）

Lauren

So this is it? Victor?

就这样结束了？维克托？

Joey

Yeah, I guess it is. And so… I'm gonna get on this spaceship, (Smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. (Gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne… baby…I'm gonna want to meet her.

嗯，应该是了。我要登上这艘飞船，（天花板冒出烟雾，一架带彩色闪光灯的梯子降下来）去布拉贡7号星球寻找替代能源。等我200年后回来，你早就不在了，但我一点都不会变老。（爬上梯子）你告诉你的曾曾孙女来找我，因为艾德丽安……宝贝……我想见她。

(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7.)

（梯子收起，带着乔伊登上飞船，开启前往布拉贡7号的旅程）

Joey

Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do…so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.

嘘，好了，我出场了，出场了。我是来修复印机的，却走不过去，我心里想怎么办怎么办……就只能看着他们亲热。然后我说，等下，到我台词了，（电视里的乔伊）你知道这会弄坏纸盒的。

Chandler

Nice work my friend.

演得不错啊朋友。

Joey

Thank you. Wait-wait-wait-wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am…

谢谢。等等等等，又能看到我了。等下，这家伙的屁股挡住我了。我在这，我在这，我在这，我在这，我在这……

Joey

Well, there are so many things, it's hard to pick just one.

演过的太多了，实在挑不出来一个。

Phoebe

I'm gonna get some coffee, anyone want anything?

我去点咖啡，有人要带吗？

Rachel

Oh yeah, I'd actually love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea.

好呀，我要一个蓝莓松饼和一杯洋甘菊茶。

Ross

Uh, double latte, extra foam.

嗯，双份拿铁，多加奶泡。

Chandler

And a bagel with only…

我要一个百吉饼，只要……

Phoebe

(interrupting him) I was just being polite!

（打断他）我就客气问问！

The Interviewer

Okay, how about when you're not working. What do you do in your spare time?

好的，那不工作的时候，你业余时间都做些什么？

Joey

(drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?

（喝着啤酒）看这个傻子！就因为船比我大，就想占整条河。（大喊）滚开，蠢货！（对瑞秋说）谁会把船取名叫海岸警卫队啊？

Rachel

That is the Coast Guard.

那就是海岸警卫队的船。

Joey

What are they doing out here? The coast's all the way over there. (Points to the coast.)

他们跑这来干嘛？海岸在那边呢。（指向岸边）

Chandler

(entering) Hey!

（走进来）嘿！

Phoebe

Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!

嘿！快看！太不可思议了！乔伊憋气快四分钟了！

(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joey's nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because he's now forced to actually hold his breath.)

（镜头拍到乔伊鼓着腮帮子，钱德淡定地伸手捏住他的鼻子。几秒后，乔伊憋不住，只能真的憋气）

Joey

(To Chandler) Dude! What are yo-you trying to kill me?!

（对钱德说）老兄！你想弄死我吗？！

Chandler

Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?

看来你今天过得挺充实啊。不觉得牛仔帽有点太夸张了吗？

Ross

(popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!

（戴着印第安头饰从乔伊身后探出头）别这么说，多好玩啊！

Chandler

All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?

好吧！（钻进堡垒，戴上一顶女式软帽）这不是女式帽子吗？

Joey

Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!

别胡扯了，快去泡茶！

(Chandler does so.)

（钱德听话去泡茶）

Chandler

Y'know what, we have to turn off the porn.

我觉得，我们得把成人频道关了。

Joey

I think you're right.

我也这么觉得。

(Goes over and picks up the remote.)

（走过去拿起遥控器）

Chandler

All right, ready?

好了吗？

Joey

One.

一。

Chandler

Two.

二。

Both

Three.

三。

(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)

（钱德关掉成人频道，放下遥控器）

Joey

That's kinda nice.

感觉还不错。

Chandler

Yeah, that's kinda a relief.

是啊，松了口气。

Joey

Yeah.

嗯。

(Pause.)

（停顿几秒）

Chandler

You wanna see if we still have it?

要不要看看频道还在不在？

Joey

Yeah.

好。

(Chandler turns on the TV and…)

（钱德打开电视，然后……）

Chandler

FREE PORN!!!

免费成人频道！！！

Joey

Yeah!!

太棒了！！

Chandler

We have free porn here!!!

我们这儿有免费成人频道！！

Joey

In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And I'm also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Y'know a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)

我业余时间会给盲人读书，还是孩子们的榜样。（众人无奈摇头）就是榜样，人生导师。（钱德咬着拳头憋笑）

The Interviewer

A mento…

榜样……

Joey

Right.

对。

The Interviewer

Like the candy?

像那个糖果吗？

Joey

Matter of fact, I do.

事实上，是的。

(Chandler tries to jump over the couch but everyone stops him.)

（钱德差点从沙发上跳起来，被其他人拦住）

The Interviewer

Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?

嗯，还有个读者一直好奇的问题，肥皂剧明星怎么保持好身材？你有什么健身计划吗？

Joey

Uh, we stars just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.

我们明星就是注意饮食，多运动。

Joey

Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?

哇！你发现没？我们抛球没掉过，都快一小时了！

Ross

Are you serious?!

真的假的？！

Joey

Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.

真的，半小时前就发现了，没敢说，怕一说就掉了。

Ross

Wow! We are pretty good at this!

哇！我们太厉害了！

Joey

Yeah!

是啊！

Ross

Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!

哎！我们完全忘了吃午饭！

Joey

Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!

哦，我觉得这是我第一次错过一顿饭！（摸了摸裤子）是啊，裤子都松了点！

Chandler

What's wrong with you?

你怎么了？

Joey

Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven't been able to stand up since. But um, I don't think it's anything serious.

没事！就是刚才举重的时候，肚子突然剧痛，然后就晕过去了，醒了之后一直站不起来。但我觉得不是什么大事。

Chandler

This sounds like a hernia. You have to-you-you-Go to the doctor!

听着像疝气。你必须去看医生！

Joey

No way! 'Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!

才不要！我要是去看医生，也得是肚子鼓个包出来再说！（翻身给钱德看）我干嘛非要重新健身啊？（看向举重器材）该死的15磅！

Rachel

It's a trifle. It's got all of these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch. [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sautéed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like something's wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!

是分层甜点。一层一层的，先是手指饼干，然后果酱，再是我亲手做的蛋奶羹。（乔伊和罗斯露出佩服的表情）然后树莓，再一层手指饼干，接着是豌豆洋葱炒牛肉，（两人表情变了）再加点蛋奶羹，香蕉，最后淋上鲜奶油！

Ross

It tastes like feet!

吃起来像脚味！

Joey

I like it.

我觉得挺好吃的。

Ross

Are you kidding?

你认真的吗？

Joey

What's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Goooooood.

有什么不好吃的？蛋奶羹？好吃。果酱？好吃。肉？超好吃。

Joey

The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes-Hey, what was in that brown jar?

冰箱坏了，我得把里面东西全吃完。冷切肉、冰淇淋、青柠——哎，那个棕色罐子里是什么？

Chandler

That's still in there?!

那玩意儿还在？！

Joey

Not anymore.

现在没了。

Rachel

Oh! Yay! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it!

哦！太好了！快看！这块没沾到地板！

Chandler

Stick to your side!

别碰我这边的！

Rachel

Hey, come on now!

哎呀，别这样嘛！

(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)

（乔伊爬完楼梯看到两人，钱德和瑞秋停下动作抬头看他，乔伊在台阶上坐下）

Joey

(pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin'? (Starts digging in.)

（掏出叉子）行啊，吃什么呢？（开始一起捡着吃）

Joey

Uhh, I don't believe in these crazy diets y'know, just everything in moderation.

我不相信那些奇葩减肥法，凡事适度就好。

Gunther

Your muffins. (Sets down a huge plate of muffins in front of Joey.)

你的松饼。（端来一大盘松饼放在乔伊面前）

Joey

I'll take those to go. (To the interviewer) For the kids.

打包带走。（对采访者说）给孩子们吃。

The Interviewer

Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off. What happened there?

哦，我想起要问什么了。你几年前演过这部剧，后来角色被写死了，怎么回事？

Joey

It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldn't have said. But believe me, that's not gonna happen today.

当时太蠢了，一次采访说了不该说的话。但相信我，今天不会重蹈覆辙。

The Interviewer

Understood. So, what'd you say back then?

明白。那你当时说了什么？

Joey

Well, I said that I… (The gang jumps up and interrupts him.)

我说我……（众人突然跳起来打断他）

Commercial Break

广告时段

Joey

You guys, this is Shelley, she's interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends…

大家，这是谢莉，她来给《肥皂剧文摘》做采访，谢莉，这些是我的朋友……

Rachel

(interrupting him) Hi! I'm gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, I'm the one you come too. This might be Joey's baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? I'm just kidding-Seriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.

（打断他）嗨！我是他闺蜜瑞秋·格林，想挖八卦找我就对了。我肚子里可能还怀着乔伊的孩子呢，谁知道？开玩笑的——说真的，（凑近谢莉的录音机）闺蜜瑞秋·格林。

Ross

(leaning into the recorder as well) Who just lost the respect of her unborn child.

（也凑近录音机）刚被未出生的孩子看不起。

The Interviewer

Umm, I'm gonna just go get this warmed up. (She takes her coffee mug up to the counter.)

嗯，我去把咖啡加热一下。（拿着咖啡杯走向吧台）

Joey

Okay.

好。

Monica

Joey! You're doing great!

乔伊！你表现超棒！

Ross

Yeah, so far nothing stupid.

是啊，到现在没说一句蠢话。

Chandler

Mento?

榜样？

Joey

No thanks.

不用了谢谢。

The Interviewer

(returning) So, as Joey's friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?

（回来后）作为乔伊的朋友，你们觉得有什么事是读者应该知道的？

Ross

Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.

嗯，没什么，就……他人很好。

Rachel

(scoffs at him) Yeah, that's gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I…(leans into the microphone again)…I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.

（不屑地笑）这话能上《肥皂剧文摘》才怪。我想说……（再次凑近麦克风）乔伊真的让我们的生活变得更精彩了。

Phoebe

Umm, I…I just think you don't expect someone so hot to be so sweet.

嗯，我觉得，没人会想到这么帅的人还这么温柔。

The Interviewer

Oh! I like that. What's your name?

哦！这句话好。你叫什么名字？

Phoebe

Umm, Phoebe Buffay.

嗯，菲比·布菲。

The Interviewer

How do you spell that? So we can get it right.

怎么拼写？我记下来。

Phoebe

Oh okay, it's P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in (In an Australian accent) 'Ello there mate!

好的，P是Phoebe的P，H是hoebe的H，O是oebe的O，E是ebe的E，B是bee-bee的B，E是（模仿澳洲口音）你好啊伙计！

The Interviewer

Great! Well, it was nice meeting all of you.

太好了！很高兴认识大家。

Ross

Yeah, you too.

我们也是。

Rachel

You too!

我们也是！

Chandler

Thanks.

谢谢。

Monica

Bye. (They resume their previous positions.)

再见。（众人回到原来躲着的姿势）

The Interviewer

So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?

看来你朋友很多，你最好的朋友是谁？

Joey

How come you have two?

你怎么有两个？

Chandler

Well this one's for you.

这个给你。

Joey

Get out.

别逗了。

Chandler

No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds.

没逗你。听着，我知道这对你很重要，也知道这不只是个首饰，（给乔伊戴上手镯）这代表我们俩，代表我们是（念手镯上的字）最好的兄弟。

Joey

Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.

哇，这就是友谊吗？应该是。快看，我们是手镯兄弟。

Chandler

That's what they'll call us.

大家都会这么叫我们。

Rachel

Oh, Joey! Sorry!

哦，乔伊！对不起！

Joey

No that's all right. Don't worry about it.

没事，别在意。

Rachel

Oh but look! That's gonna leave a stain!

可是你看！会留污渍的！

Joey

Rach! Hey! It's fine! You're at Joey's!

瑞秋！没事的！在乔伊家不用讲究！

Rachel

Really?

真的吗？

Joey

Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)

真的！你看！（把自己的意大利面扔了点在地上）

Rachel

I've never lived like this before.

我从没这么随便过。

Joey

I know.

我知道。

(Rachel throws some of hers down.)

（瑞秋也扔了点自己的在地上）

Joey

All right, don't waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)

好了，别浪费，还能吃呢。（捡起来吃了）

Ross

All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and damnit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).

我一直特别愧疚，我想做个好朋友，而且我就是个好朋友。所以闭嘴，闭上眼睛。（亲吻乔伊）

Joey

Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.

哇，你真是好朋友。不过试镜是今天早上，我没拿到角色。但这个吻太绝了，瑞秋真幸运。

Joey

All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)

好了，把选手从隔离区放出来。（拿掉盖在小鸭身上的垃圾桶和盖在小鸡身上的洗衣篮）比赛开始！（把脚挡在小鸡前面，拦住它）

Phoebe

Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!

把脚拿开！裁判！

Joey

Judge rules, no violation.

裁判裁定，无违规。

Phoebe

Ohhh.

哦。

Joey

And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!

小鸭获得花生饼干！

Phoebe

(turning from Ross.) No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton!

（从罗斯那边转过来）不是！！那不是花生饼干，就是个旧馄饨！

Joey

Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.

裁判裁定，就是花生饼干。

Phoebe

Ohh, tough call.

哦，判得真严。

Joey

Yeah.

是啊。

Joey

I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...

我在探索频道看过……

Ross

Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!

等等！我也看过！探索频道！讲水母蛰伤后可以……（突然停下看向莫妮卡）哇！！你往自己身上尿尿了？！

Phoebe and Rachel

Ewwww!!

哇！！

Monica

You can't say that!! You-you don't know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn't...bend that way. So... (Looks at Joey.)

别乱说！你根本不知道情况！我当时疼得快晕过去了！我也试过，但我弯不了那个角度……所以……（看向乔伊）

Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!

（转头看向乔伊）哇！！

Joey

That's right I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you!

没错，是我帮的忙！她是我朋友，需要帮忙！换做是你们，我也会这么做！

Joey

Umm, no. No best friend, no. Just a lot of close friends.

嗯，没有，没有最好的朋友，只有很多好朋友。

The Interviewer

So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?

好的，回到剧集本身。你拥有大批同性恋粉丝，是什么感觉？

Joey

Really? Me? Wow! I don't even know any huge gay people!

真的吗？我？哇！我都不认识什么大块头同性恋！

Chandler

It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

这话听得我心疼，真的心疼。

The Interviewer

Now, off the record, you're not…

私下问一句，你不是……

Joey

What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!

怎么了？说我的男士包？一开始我觉得好看，后来发现还很实用。快看！好多隔层！放钱包、钥匙、通讯录！

Ross

Your make-up!

还有化妆品！

Ross

Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so we're face to face or-or should I climb down your back so we're-we're butt to face.

好了，我是从你前面爬下去，面对面，还是从你后面爬下去，屁股对着脸。

Joey

I think face to face.

我觉得面对面好。

Ross

I would say that.

我就知道你会这么说。

Joey

Face to face, yeah!

面对面！

Ross

Okay, here I go.

好，我来了。

Joey

All right.

嗯。

(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joey's chest.)

（罗斯踩上梯子最后一级，一脚踩在乔伊胸口）

Joey

(grunting) Oh my… How much do you weigh Ross?!

（闷哼）我的天……你多重啊罗斯？！

Ross

I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.

我暂时不想回答，我还带着点节日胖呢。

(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joey's torso, but that doesn't work very well and he's forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Ross's crotch.)

（罗斯继续往下爬，另一只脚踩在乔伊肚子上，站不稳，只能双腿缠住乔伊。乔伊被迫近距离直视罗斯的胯部）

Joey

Y'know, when we talked about face to face, I don't think we thought it all the way through.

我们说面对面的时候，可没想到是这个局面。

Joey

Hey Pheebs! (He sits down next to her.)

嘿菲比！（在她身边坐下）

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that he's got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!

快看。（转身拉下裤子，给菲比看他穿了女式内裤）我够不够男人？！

Phoebe

Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut.

哇！厉害！既男人又有点放荡。

Chandler

You're turning into a woman.

你快变成女人了。

Joey

No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean.

我才没有。你怎么这么说？太过分了。

Chandler

Now I've upset you? What did I say?

我伤到你了？我说什么了？

Joey

It's not what you said. It's the way you said it… Oh My God, I'm a woman!!!

不是你说的话，是你说话的语气……天啊，我真变成女人了！！

Joey

Great nap.

睡得真舒服。

Ross

It really was.

是啊。

(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)

（瑞秋突然清嗓子，镜头切到其他人，大家都盯着他俩。乔伊和罗斯震惊地慢慢转头看向众人）

Joey

Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. (Chandler and Ross look at each other.)

我？同性恋？不是！但我有几个好朋友是。（钱德和罗斯对视一眼）

The Interviewer

So, let's talk about women. I'm sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.

聊聊女人吧，女性读者肯定对你的感情生活很感兴趣。

Joey

Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin'?"

“嘿，你好吗？”

Phoebe

Oh, please!

拜托！

Joey

(to Phoebe) Hey, how you doin'?

（对菲比说）嘿，你好吗？

(Phoebe looks at him, and then giggles and looks away.)

（菲比看了他一眼，笑着移开目光）

Joey

Hey! How you doin'?

嘿！你好吗？

Woman

(to her friend) He has the most amazing Porsche under there!

（对朋友说）他那底下藏着超酷的保时捷！

Joey

I'd love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)

真想给你们看看，但刚把它盖好，在睡觉呢。（两个女人笑了）要不要一起去喝一杯？（这时踢球的男人扑过来接球，压垮了车罩，原来乔伊是用一堆箱子摆成保时捷的样子）

Woman

Hi, is Rachel here? I'm her sister.

嗨，瑞秋在吗？我是她妹妹。

Rachel

Oh my God, Jill!

天啊，吉尔！

Jill

Oh my God, Rachel!

天啊，瑞秋！

(They run and hug each other.)

（两人跑过去拥抱）

Chandler

Oh my God, introduce us!

天啊，快介绍我们认识！

Rachel

This is Chandler. (Points at him.)

这是钱德。（指着钱德）

Jill

Hi!

嗨！

Rachel

And you know Monica and Ross!

你认识莫妮卡和罗斯！

Ross

Hi Jill.

嗨吉尔。

Rachel

And that's Phoebe (points), and that's Joey.

那是菲比（指着菲比），那是乔伊。

Joey

Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin'?

嘿，（用标志性语气）你好吗？

Rachel

Don't!! (Joey backs away frightened.)

别来！！（乔伊吓得后退）

Janine

No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.

不是！你人很好，我很开心做你的室友和朋友，只是我对你没有那种感觉。

Joey

Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.

哦！我知道了，因为我一直故意疏远你。对吧？相信我，我认真起来，你肯定会改观。

Janine

I don't think so.

我不这么觉得。

Joey

Oh, I do. (Gives her the Joey-love look.) How you doin?

我觉得会。（摆出标志性深情眼神）你好吗？

Janine

I'm okay.

我挺好的。

Joey

What?!?! Oh dear God!

什么？！！天啊！

Joey

Not much to tell there I'm really shy.

没什么好说的，我其实很害羞。

(The gang is confused.)

（众人一脸困惑）

The Interviewer

So, that's it. I guess that's all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.

好了，我想问的都问完了。非常感谢你，专访大概下月初会刊登出来。

Joey

Oh great! Great! Thank you. (They shake hands.)

太好了！谢谢！（两人握手）

The Interviewer

Bye.

再见。

Joey

Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!

再见。（采访者离开，乔伊坐到众人身边）我做到了！

Rachel

Yeah!

太棒了！

Ross

Amazing! Amazing!

太厉害了！

The Interviewer

(returning) Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, what's your favorite soap opera?

（回来）等等！差点忘了，有个问题必须问。除了《光辉岁月》，你最喜欢哪部肥皂剧？

Joey

Oh, I don't watch soap operas. Excuse me, I have a life, y'know?

我不看肥皂剧。拜托，我有自己的生活好吗？

(The gang is disappointed.)

（众人一脸失望）

The Interviewer

Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to hear that.

谢谢，《肥皂剧文摘》的读者肯定爱听这话。

Joey

Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!

太好了。（采访者离开）差一点啊！

Closing Credits

片尾字幕

Rachel

Wow! I can't believe they didn't put it in the part where you said you didn't watch soap operas.

天啊！他们居然没把你说不看肥皂剧那段登出来。

Joey

Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about that.

是啊，我打电话跟那个女的说了，说我是开玩笑的，她人还挺好。

Monica

You slept with her didn't you?

你跟她上床了吧？

Joey

Little bit, yeah.

一点点。

Ross

Wow! This picture of you sure is steamy.

哇！你的照片拍得真性感。

Joey

Oh yeah, that's just a little something for my huge gay fan base. (Winks at him.)

是啊，给我大批同性恋粉丝的福利。（冲罗斯眨眼）

Ross

Did you just wink at me?

你刚才冲我眨眼了？

Joey

Hey, you’re the one that loves the picture.

谁让你一直盯着照片看。

End

结束