The One With The Birthing Video

Phoebe

Oh! Hey, Rach!

哦！嘿，瑞秋！

Rachel

Hi! Hey, Happy Valentine's Day!

嗨！嘿，情人节快乐！

Phoebe

Oh, you, too.

哦，你也快乐。

Joey

Hey, so, uh, how's it going living over at Ross'?

嘿，呃，搬去罗斯家住得怎么样？

Rachel

It's good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. I'll see you guys later.

挺好的。就是他整天让我们看探索频道。你知道吗，中世纪有个丑八怪经历了件超无聊的事？（对接过咖啡杯的女服务员）哦，谢谢。回头见各位。

Phoebe

Okay.

好的。

Joey

Bye.

拜拜。

(Rachel exits with coffee)

（瑞秋拿着咖啡离开）

Joey

There's one lucky to-go cup of coffee.

要是我是她手里那杯外带咖啡就好了。

Phoebe

(sighs) Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top?

（叹气）亲爱的，我希望你能忘了她。我不想看你这样。我能为你做点什么吗？你要看我的内衣吗？

Joey

Thanks. But maybe later.

谢了。不过下次吧。

Phoebe

Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone?

哦，冈瑟，给我来块烤饼好吗？

Gunther

(to Joey) You want anything?

（对乔伊）你要点什么吗？

Joey

You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that that's never going to happen!

你知道我想要什么吗？我想要很多东西！我想在情人节和我爱的女人在一起！我想她也爱我！我只想有片刻解脱，不用承受明知一切都不可能的撕心裂肺的痛苦！

Gunther

We have red bagels.

我们有红麦圈。

Joey

Oh, okay.

哦，好啊。

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Phoebe

So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?

那，蒙娜对你和瑞秋住在一起这事怎么看？

Ross

Oh, I'm actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, she's been away all week visiting her parents, but she'll be cool. I mean, she's been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, 'Fossils are my friends.'

哦，我正准备现在去告诉她呢。她这周都去看父母了，不过她肯定不会介意。她一直都很支持我。她甚至给宝宝买了件小T恤，上面写着“化石是我的朋友”。

Phoebe

Ugh. Come on, Mona, don't kiss ass.

呃。拜托，蒙娜，别这么拍马屁。

Ross

Uh, I'm going to take off.

呃，我先走了。

Phoebe

All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape!

好的。哦！糟了！糟了！呃，瑞秋想看这盘录像带！

Ross

What is it?

是什么带子？

Phoebe

It's a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?

是我一个朋友生孩子的录像。你能把它带回你公寓吗？

Ross

All right. (reading the label) 'Candy and Cookie?'

好的。（看标签）“坎迪和库奇？”

Phoebe

Yeah. Candy's the mother, Cookie's the daughter. The father's also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?

对。坎迪是妈妈，库奇是女儿。爸爸也叫库奇。我怎么会和这种人做朋友？

Monica

(entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, c'mere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.

（走进来，背后藏着东西）菲比，过来。我想给你看浴室里的样东西。

Phoebe

Oh, Monica, grow up!

哦，莫妮卡，成熟点！

Ross

Hey, what's behind your back?

嘿，你背后藏着什么？

Monica

Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.

没什么。就是些情人节穿的衣服，想听听菲比的意见。

Ross

You don't want my opinion?

你不想听听我的意见？

Monica

Not really.

不太想。

Ross

Come on, I'm your older brother, ask me!

拜托，我是你哥哥，问我啊！

Monica

All right, big brother. (holds up two erm…revealing articles of clothing) Which of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter, so your best friend would want to do her?

好吧，哥哥。（举起两件有点暴露的衣服）你觉得哪件能让你妹妹看起来更性感，让你最好的朋友想和她亲热？

Ross

(quietly) The red one.

（小声地）红色那件。

Phoebe

(knocking and entering) Hey. Look, I know you've been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.

（敲门后走进来）嘿。我知道你最近特别消沉，所以我带了个能让你开心的东西来。门外有个活生生、毛茸茸的玩伴。

Joey

No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again.

不，我再也不和你朋友简上床了。

(Phoebe goes into the hall and brings a dog inside!)

（菲比走到走廊，牵进来一只狗！）

Phoebe

He-hee!

嘻嘻！

Joey

Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane.

嘿！一只狗！嗨！你得承认，它长得超像简。

Phoebe

This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!

这是世界上最快乐的狗。我从朋友温迪那借来的。你只能留着它，直到你开心起来为止。它肯定能让你开心！

Joey

Thanks so much, Pheebs! (to the dog) We are going to have so much fun, yes we are! (the dog sticks his head between Joey's legs) Oh! Not that kind of fun.

太谢谢你了，菲比！（对狗说）我们会玩得超开心的，对不对！（狗把头凑到乔伊两腿之间）哦！不是那种开心！

Chandler

Happy Valentine's!

情人节快乐！

Monica

(from her bedroom) Okay! I'll be right out. I'm slipping into something a little less comfortable, and a little more slutty.

（从卧室传来）好的！我马上出来。我要换件紧身又性感的衣服。

Chandler

(picking up a video from the table) 'Candy and Cookie'. 'Candy and Cookie?' Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")

（拿起桌上的录像带）《坎迪和库奇》。《坎迪和库奇》？莫妮卡送我色情片？女同色情片？她肯定超爱我！！（钱德跑到电视前，放进录像带，坐下准备欣赏“色情片”）

(A woman on TV breaths hard)

（电视里的女人喘着粗气）

Man on TV

Yeah, just relax.

对，放松就好。

Chandler

I love you, St. Valentine.

我爱你，情人节之神。

(The woman groans, moans, grunts, and screams. Chandler's eyes get huge!)

（女人呻吟、哼叫、大喊。钱德眼睛瞪得超大！）

Chandler

Woah, woah, that's not pretty!

哇，哇，这可不太好看！

Man on TV

Now, push!

现在，用力！

Woman on TV

Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts!

哎哟！哎哟！哦！好疼！

Chandler

Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever! (Chandler starts to press buttons on the remote control, frantically.)

史上最差色情片！史上最差！（钱德慌乱地按着遥控器。）

Woman on TV

Ohhh! Make it stop!

哦！快停下！

Chandler

I am trying!

我在按了！

Joey

Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesn't, and the dog goes running off.) Well, you're cute, but you're not too smart!

捡球，准备好了吗？捡球，捡球！（乔伊假装扔球，其实没扔，狗跑了出去。）嗯，你很可爱，就是不太聪明！

(The dog returns with a ball that looks exactly like the same one Joey has.)

（狗叼回一个球，和乔伊手里的一模一样。）

Joey

(looking at the ball the dog brought back) Did I just throw this?

（看着狗叼回来的球）我刚扔了这个吗？

Rachel

(entering) Hi.

（走进来）嗨。

Joey

Hi.

嗨。

Rachel

I accidentally packed these with my stuff. (looks at the dog and gasps) Who is this?

我不小心把这些东西也收拾过来了。（看到狗，倒吸一口气）这是谁呀？

Joey

Oh, that's, uh, that's Phoebe's friend's dog. I don't know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.

哦，呃，这是菲比朋友的狗。我不知道它真名叫什么，我叫它马苏里拉。

Rachel

(talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips…kind of like you do to a baby or…well…a puppy…it's hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but I've got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously can't stop it. (exits)

（用很嗲的声音说话，撅着嘴，就像对小宝宝或者小狗说话那样，很难解释，自行想象吧）哇，你好可爱呀！我好想多陪你玩会儿，但我要上班啦！希望我开市场部会议前能改掉这个说话腔调，拜托拜托。（依旧用嗲声）拜拜，乔伊。天呐，我真的改不过来了。（离开）

Joey

(to the dog) C'mere. Hey. C'mere. That's Rachel. She's the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with you-we love her. But we can't have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? You're a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be.

（对狗说）过来。嘿。过来。那是瑞秋。她以前住这儿。跟你说实话吧——我们都爱她。但我们不能拥有她。我真的很想她。嘿，你懂的，对吧？你是个男生。（想了想，抱起狗看了看）嗯，以前是。

Monica

(entering from her bedroom) So what do you think? (referring to her outfit)

（从卧室走进来）你觉得怎么样？（指自己的穿搭）

(Chandler glances up at Monica with his mouth still wide open and his eyes still huge)

（钱德抬头看莫妮卡，嘴巴依旧张着，眼睛依旧瞪得很大）

Monica

(to herself) I've still got it!

（自言自语）我魅力不减！

Chandler

(pointing at the video) Why did you get me this?

（指着录像带）你为什么送我这个？

Monica

What is it?

这是什么？

Chandler

It's yelling…bleeding…dilating. Oh, the dilating…

全是大喊大叫、流血、宫口扩张。天呐，宫口扩张……

Monica

Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebe's. Why were you even watching it?

这是生孩子的录像？亲爱的，这是菲比的。你怎么会看这个？

Chandler

I thought…maybe…you got me porn for Valentine's Day.

我以为……可能……你情人节送我色情片。

Monica

Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentine's Day… (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, it's about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?

钱德，你以为我情人节会送你色情片……（从篮子里拿出一盘录像带）你猜对了！这片子讲一个女孩去大城市追梦，结果和好多男人上床！而且是四星好评！（凑近看）哦，等一下，那些不是星星。要不要看看？

Chandler

Well, I'm not really in a sexy mood right now.

我现在没什么兴致看这个。

Monica

Honey, what's going on?

亲爱的，你怎么了？

Chandler

Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws?

你还记得我们第一次看《大白鲨》吗？

Monica

Mm-hmm.

嗯。

Chandler

How long it took to go back in the water?

看完之后，我们过了多久才敢再下水？

Monica

Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day!

钱德，我们不能让这盘录像带毁了情人节！

Chandler

You don't know. You didn't see it.

你不懂。你没看过。

Monica

Child-birth, it's a natural thing! It's beautiful.

生孩子是很自然的事！很美好的。

Chandler

Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? (picks up the remote and presses a button, and he immediately makes a face that just looks like he's going to throw up!)

美好？真的吗？美好？你觉得这叫美好？（拿起遥控器按了一下，立刻露出想吐的表情！）

Monica

Oh! Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!

哦！天呐！难怪我妈讨厌我！

Chandler

See, honey, there's-(puts his hand on her leg)

你看，亲爱的，这——（把手放在她腿上）

Monica

Don't touch me!

别碰我！

Mona

Hi!

嗨！

Ross

Hey! (they hug) So, how was Atlantic City?

嘿！（两人拥抱）大西洋城之旅怎么样？

Mona

Good.

挺好的。

Ross

Yeah?

是吗？

Mona

I brought you back a present.

我给你带了礼物。

Ross

Wha-? Oh, come on. You didn't have to-saltwater taffy?! (Mona laughs) Thanks! This is interesting. You know, most people think this is made with sea water, but it's actually made with, uh, salted fresh water. That's not interesting.

什么？哦，别这样。你不用送礼物的——盐水太妃糖？！（蒙娜笑）谢谢！这东西挺有意思的。很多人以为是海水做的，其实是淡盐水做的。一点都没意思。

Mona

I think it's interesting.

我觉得挺有意思的。

Ross

I do too! I missed you!

我也觉得！我好想你！

Mona

I missed you, too! So, how was your week?

我也想你！你这周过得怎么样？

Ross

Oh, it was good! It was good. Actually, the baby started kicking!

挺好的！挺好的。对了，宝宝开始踢肚子了！

Mona

How exciting!

好激动啊！

Ross

Yeah! I know! It was. Oh… the only sad thing is I wasn't around when it happened for the first time.

是啊！真的！可惜第一次踢的时候我不在。

Mona

Oh no.

哦，真可惜。

Ross

Yeah, I'm missing out on all this other stuff, too. So, Joey suggested Rachel move in with me.

是啊，好多事我都错过了。乔伊还建议瑞秋搬来和我住。

Mona

(laughing) Yeah right!

（笑）怎么可能！

Ross

What?

什么？

Mona

Joey cracks me up! It's like, 'Yeah, why don't you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldn't be awkward at all!' (she laughs again)

“对啊，为什么不让你前妻搬来住？一点都不尴尬！”（又笑了）

Ross

(not amused) Huh…uh-huh.

（没笑）嗯……嗯。

Mona

Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs…yes…again!)

你敢信吗？我才离开几天，回来发现我男友和一个被他搞怀孕的女人住在一起！（蒙娜又笑了）

(Ross fake laughs, obviously not finding this funny, and he's starting to panic, so he shoves the whole saltwater taffy he's eating in his mouth)

（罗斯假笑，显然一点都不好笑，他开始慌了，把嘴里的整颗盐水太妃糖都塞进嘴里）

Mona

So, what'd you tell him?

那你怎么回他的？

Ross

(with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)

（满嘴糖）等一下！（假笑，转过头慌了神）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Phoebe

How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?

你怎么不告诉蒙娜瑞秋和你住在一起？

Ross

I don't know, she seemed to think it was such a crazy idea! Um, plus, she, uh, she got me taffy!

我不知道，她觉得这想法太离谱了！而且，她还给我买了太妃糖！

Phoebe

Taffy, really? I've never had any.

太妃糖？真的吗？我从没吃过。

Ross

Ever?!

从没吃过？！

Phoebe

Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. (Ross hands her one) Thank you! So what, you're just never going to tell her?

我妈忙着计划自杀，没空给我买盐水零食。（罗斯递了一颗给她）谢谢！那你打算永远不告诉她？

Ross

Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, I'm going to take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world, then I'm going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.

不，我会说的！我只是想先讨好她！我准备带她去吃超棒的情人节晚餐，做些浪漫的事，等她觉得我是全世界最好的男友时，再告诉她我怀孕的前女友和我住在一起。

Phoebe

If I haven't said it before: she's a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going to-what the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which she's been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? What's the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, it's nice! May I try a pink one?

我得说，她太幸运了！那你要去哪里——这破糖到底怎么回事？（指一直在嚼的太妃糖）天呐。这是口香糖还是吃的？到底是什么？（终于咽下去）嗯，还不错！我能尝尝粉色的吗？

Joey

So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isn't going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.

我们是朋友，她又和罗斯有过一段，我们之间不可能有结果。就像你爱上一只猫一样不现实。

Phoebe

(entering) Hey!

（走进来）嘿！

Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Phoebe

Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog? (the dog doesn't move) You're subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?

嘿，伙计。我最爱的狗狗怎么样？（狗一动不动）怎么蔫蔫的。（对乔伊）你给它喝啤酒了？

Joey

No.

没有。

Phoebe

Will you excuse us, we need to talk for a moment.

失陪一下，我们聊两句。

Joey

Yeah, sure. Go ahead. (pause) Oh, me, right!

好啊，说吧。（停顿）哦，是说我吧！

(Joey follows Phoebe into the kitchen)

（乔伊跟着菲比走进厨房）

Phoebe

He's miserable! What happened to him?

它好没精神！怎么回事？

Joey

Nothing. We just talked about stuff.

没什么。我们就聊了点事。

Phoebe

What stuff?

聊了什么？

Joey

Rachel stuff.

关于瑞秋的事。

Phoebe

Oh…Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!

哦……乔伊，你把它弄抑郁了！它本来是世界上最快乐的狗，跟你待了半天，你看它现在这样！

Joey

He's breathing!

它还活着呢！

Phoebe

Okay, I'm going to take him back to Wendy's.

行了，我把它送回温迪那去。

Joey

No, no, no, no! He's fine! Look, look, look! (picks up the ball) Here's your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! (he throws the ball and it bounces right next to the dog) Get your ball! My God, what have I done to you, huh? I broke the dog! Pheebs, I broke the dog!

别别别！它没事！你看！（拿起球）球在这！捡球去！捡球！（把球扔出去，球刚好弹到狗旁边）捡球啊！天呐，我对你做了什么？我把狗弄废了！菲比，我把狗弄废了！

Ross

Well, I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What have you got going tonight?

我去接蒙娜。你今晚有安排吗？

Rachel

Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans! I've got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!

我情人节可有大计划！我点了中餐，还有你剩下的盐水太妃糖！

Ross

Y'know, it's interesting! Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact-

你知道吗，很有意思！很多人以为是海水做的，其实——

Rachel

Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.

罗斯，我们一起看过相关纪录片的。

(There is a knock on the door.)

（敲门声响起。）

Rachel

Ooh! My Chinese food! Let me get my cash! (runs to her room to get her money)

哦！我的中餐到了！我去拿钱！（跑回房间拿钱）

Ross

(opening the door to see Mona standing there) Mona? What are-hi! What are you doing here? I'm, um, supposed to pick you up!

（开门看到蒙娜站在门口）蒙娜？你——嗨！你怎么来了？我正准备去接你呢！

Mona

Change of plans, I made you a special Valentine's dinner! Surprise!

计划变了，我给你做了特别的情人节晚餐！惊喜吧！

Ross

(he makes some really weird noise hear that sounds kind of like…)Ayyyayyyy!

（发出奇怪的声音）啊——！

Rachel

(entering) Oh, hey, Mona!

（走进来）哦，嗨，蒙娜！

Mona

Hi! Hi. Hi, Rachel! (to Ross) What's she doing here?

嗨！嗨，瑞秋！（对罗斯）她怎么在这？

Ross

I have no idea!

我也不知道！

Rachel

I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me. (exits to her room)

有事叫我，我去看电视了。（回房间）

Mona

Seriously, what is she doing?

说真的，她在这干嘛？

Ross

Uh…lately, she just likes hanging out here.

呃……她最近就喜欢待在这儿。

Mona

Why?

为什么？

Ross

I think she's lonely.

我觉得她孤单。

Mona

Okay, but it's Valentine's Day!

好吧，但今天是情人节！

Ross

I know.

我知道。

Mona

Can't we just ask her to go?

我们不能让她走吗？

Ross

No, no. She's way to emotional. And by emotional I mean crazy.

不行，她情绪很不稳定。我说的不稳定是指她会发疯。

(Doorbell rings)

（门铃响了）

Rachel

I'm not here! That's just my Chinese food!

我不在家！那是我的中餐！

Mona

Oh, my God! She has food delivered here?

天呐！她还叫外卖到这？

Ross

Mm-hmm. She's-she's emotional, but, but ballsy.

嗯。她情绪不稳定，但胆子大。

Rachel

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get in my sweats, and eat this in bed! (exits)

我打算换上睡衣，在床上吃！（离开）

Ross

And you thought she was going to be in our way! So, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I'll be right back. I've got a surprise for you.

你还觉得她碍事呢！你先开香槟，我马上回来，给你个惊喜。

Mona

You got another ex-wife back there?

你后面还有另一个前妻？

Ross

(fakes a laugh) Please start drinking! (exits)

（假笑）快喝香槟！（离开）

Rachel

(entering) I'm just going to grab the phone.

（走进来）我就来拿个电话。

Mona

Oh, Rachel! Wait! Hey, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, but, um… what are you doing?

哦，瑞秋！等等！我希望你别误会，但是……你在这干嘛？

Rachel

Oh, I'm sorry! Do you need the phone?

哦，抱歉！你要用电话吗？

Mona

No, no. Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment, and, and, we gotta have some boundaries, so why don't you go back to your place and give us some privacy?

不是。罗斯不好意思说，但这是他的公寓，我们需要一点私人空间，你能不能回自己家，给我们留点空间？

Rachel

(as Ross enters with a present) But, but, Mona, I live here.

（罗斯拿着礼物走进来）可是，蒙娜，我住这里啊。

Ross

(handing Mona the present) Happy Valentine's Day! …Or something to remember me by.

（把礼物递给蒙娜）情人节快乐！……或者，留个纪念。

Monica

How long has it been this time?

这次过去多久了？

Chandler

90 seconds.

90秒。

Monica

That's better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it…except all I did was think about it.

好多了。90秒不想这事已经很久了……可我全程都在想。

Chandler

You know, it haunts me? Up 'til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!

这画面一直在我脑子里挥之不去！之前我见过最糟的事，是我爸用裸男仆的身体喝龙舌兰酒。看完这个，我宁愿把那个当屏保！

Monica

Okay, well, we have to get past this! Why don't we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed?

我们得克服这事！把带子扔了，假装从没看过！

Chandler

I can do that.

我能做到。

Monica

Okay.

好。

(Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion)

（钱德拿起带子塞到椅子坐垫下）

Chandler

Okay. Now all we've got to do is get rid of this chair.

好了。现在只要把这把椅子扔了就行。

(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they can't do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)

（钱德爬到莫妮卡身边，两人想接吻，却下不去嘴，往后退。再次凑近，尴尬地亲了一下，这时敲门声响起。）

Monica

Oh, thank God!

谢天谢地！

Chandler

Oh, I know!

可不是嘛！

Monica

Come in!

请进！

Rachel

(entering) Hi! I'm so sorry to barge in on your Valentine's, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.

（走进来）嗨！抱歉打扰你们的情人节，我受不了他们吵架，跑出来了。蒙娜要和罗斯分手了。

Monica

Oh, my God.

天呐。

Chandler

Poor Ross.

可怜的罗斯。

(Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross' apartment)

（两人对视一眼，跑到窗边看罗斯公寓的动静）

Chandler

Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!

搞什么。他穿内裤做瑜伽我们都能看，吵架居然拉窗帘！

Monica

Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? It's here.

瑞秋，你想看的生孩子录像带在这。

Chandler

Oh, and we should warn you, before you watch it: don't watch it.

提醒你一句，千万别看。

Rachel

Why? You saw it? Is it scary?

为什么？你们看过了？很吓人吗？

Chandler

Well, let's just say it's ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.

这么说吧，讽刺的是，生命诞生的画面能让人想自杀。

Rachel

Well, now, wait. Now I'm all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me.

天呐，我更害怕了。陪我一起看嘛。

Monica

No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you!

不看，但我把我的毛衣放你旁边陪着你！

Rachel

C'mon, seriously, you guys, you're not going to make me watch this alone!

别这样，你们真要我一个人看吗？

Monica

She's right…of course not. Honey, get the tape.

她说得对……当然不会。亲爱的，拿带子。

Chandler

(with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.

（手在坐垫下摸索）这动作让我想起录像带里某个画面。（钱德放进带子，三人坐下）好了，开始吧。

Rachel

Okay. (watching the tape) Ooh, my! (Rachel jumps when the woman starts screaming) Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman?!

好。（看录像）哇！（女人尖叫时，瑞秋吓了一跳）天呐！宝宝怎么在折磨妈妈？！

Chandler

Why have I seen this thing three times?!

我怎么会看了三遍这东西？！

Monica

It's…still beautiful.

还是……很美好的。

Rachel

Uh! It's horrible!

太可怕了！

Monica

I know! I know, I'm so sorry for you!

我知道！我知道，太心疼你了！

Rachel

Oh, my God!

天呐！

(Monica and Rachel both cover their eyes)

（莫妮卡和瑞秋捂住眼睛）

Chandler

Wait, you guys, look!

等等，快看！

Rachel

What? Did her ass explode?!

什么？她屁股炸了？！

Chandler

No, the baby's out! Look, look!

不是，宝宝出来了！快看！

Monica

Oh, look at those little fingers and toes!

哇，小小的手指和脚趾好可爱！

Chandler

And look how happy the mom is now!

妈妈现在多开心啊！

Monica

Oh…Rach!

瑞秋，你看！

Rachel

Oh, screw you guys, you don't have to do it!

哼，你们当然不怕！

Ross

Hey, hey, man!

嘿，兄弟！

Joey

Hey, what's up?

嘿，怎么了？

Ross

Uh…Mona just dumped me.

呃……蒙娜刚和我分手了。

Joey

Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why?

天呐，抱歉。为什么？

Ross

Well, with everything that's been going on lately, I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didn't tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?

最近发生了太多事，我确实算不上完美男友。我没告诉她瑞秋怀了我的孩子，给了她公寓钥匙又换了锁，还骗她瑞秋搬来和我住。说实话，我都觉得她早该和我分手。

Joey

Still, that really sucks, man. Especially on Valentine's Day.

也太惨了，尤其是情人节这天。

Ross

Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day? What's going on, huh? Girl trouble?

是啊。等等，你怎么在这？乔伊·崔比安尼情人节没约会？怎么了？感情问题？

Joey

Sort of.

算是吧。

Ross

Really?!

真的？！

Joey

You don't have to seem so happy about it.

你不用这么幸灾乐祸。

Ross

Oh, sorry. Well, look, maybe I can help you with it.

抱歉。说不定我能帮你。

Joey

Oh, I…I d-

我……我不——

Ross

Hey, whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me. Y'know, actually once-once I got dumped during sex.

不管是什么事，我肯定经历过。有一次，我做爱做到一半被甩了。

(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)

（邻桌两个女生厌恶地抬头看，两人赶紧挪开位置）

Ross

Anyway, so, uh, so what is it?

说吧，到底怎么了？

Joey

Forget about it. It's no big deal.

算了，没什么大事。

Ross

C'mon! Joey! What is it?

别这样！乔伊，快说！

Joey

It's nothing.

没什么。

Ross

Hey, hey, it's me. Why can't you tell me?

是我啊，有什么不能说的？

Joey

Okay, uh…sit down. (they do) Um… there's this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh…it can't happen.

好吧，呃……坐下说。（两人坐下）我喜欢一个女人，很喜欢。但我们不可能在一起。

Ross

She's not a Tribbiani?

她不是你们家的人吧？

Joey

No!

当然不是！

Ross

I knew it. So, is she someone from work?

我就知道。是同事吗？

Joey

Yes.

是。

Ross

Well, uh, does she like you?

她喜欢你吗？

Joey

Sometimes I think maybe she could. But it doesn't matter, because I can't do anything about it.

有时候我觉得她可能有点喜欢我。但没用，我什么都做不了。

Ross

Why not?

为什么？

Joey

Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because we're really good friends.

很复杂。她和另一个男人在一起很久了，也是同事。我不能对不起他，我们是最好的朋友。

Ross

So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh… is he still in love with her?

她以前的男友还爱她吗？

Joey

No. I don't think so.

不，我觉得不爱了。

Ross

Okay. Um… is he a good guy?

他是个好人吗？

Joey

Yeah, he's the best.

嗯，人超好。

Ross

Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.

那就跟他说！说不定他不介意。

Joey

Oh, I don't know.

我不知道。

Ross

Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.

乔伊，值得一试。你是真的喜欢她。

Joey

I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I-

真的！超喜欢！满脑子都是她，睡不着觉——

Ross

Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.

乔伊，你要勇敢去追。这种心动多难得，别留遗憾。

Gunther

(placing a cup in front of Ross) Here's your warm milk.

（把杯子放在罗斯面前）你的热牛奶。

Ross

I'm going to…uh…I'm going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.

我回家……再加点波本。

Joey

Oh, yeah.

懂。

Ross

Anyway… seriously, uh…just…just talk to the guy, okay? And tell me how it goes. (walks towards the door until…)

说真的，去跟他说吧，好吗？告诉我结果。（朝门口走，突然停下）

Joey

It's Rachel.

是瑞秋。

(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute…Ahh! What's going to happen next??!!! I can't make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)

（罗斯站在门口愣了一分钟……天呐！接下来会发生什么？！我等不及了！）

Closing Credits

片尾字幕

Rachel

(thinking) You're going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, you're going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)

（心想）你要当妈妈了，得做好准备。必须把带子看完。加油！（把带子放进录像机）

Woman on TV

I came to the big city to become a star! I'll do…anything to make that happen!

我来大城市追梦！我愿意……做任何事实现梦想！

Man on TV

Anything?

任何事？

(Music starts playing…yes…you know what kind of music…)

（暧昧音乐响起……你懂的……）

Rachel

(thinking) Hmm…maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.

（心想）嗯……可能开头讲她怎么怀孕的。

End

剧终