The One With The Truth About London

Ross

Hi.

嗨。

Rachel

Hi! Hi Ben!

嗨！嗨，本！

Ben

Hi.

嗨。

Ross

Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency.

嗨，内急，借厕所一用。

Rachel

Oh, yeah go ahead.

噢，快去吧。

(Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.)

（本准备去，但罗斯拦住他。）

Ross

Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there?

呃，去之前确认一下，那儿有乔伊专用的浪漫杂志吗？

Rachel

No. No.

没有，没有。

Ross

(to Ben) Okay! All clear!

（对本）好！可以去了！

Ben

(running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!

（跑向厕所）谢谢菲比！

Rachel

Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.

本，是瑞秋！（他关上门。）无所谓了。

Ross

(to Ben) Everything okay in there?

（对本）里面还好吗？

Ben

Don't talk to me now!

现在别跟我说话！

Rachel

Awww, just like his daddy.

噢，真像他爸爸。

Ross

Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The dean's office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?

嘿，能帮我个忙吗？院长办公室刚来电话说要开个紧急会议。能帮我带一下本吗？就一小时。

Rachel

What-what about Monica?

怎么，怎么不找莫妮卡？

Ross

Oh, she isn't home.

噢，她不在家。

Rachel

(nervous) So it would just be, me alone?

（紧张）那就只有我一个人吗？

Ross

Well, Ben would be there.

还有本啊。

Rachel

Huh umm...

嗯……

Ross

What's the matter?

怎么了？

Rachel

Well that---y'know it's just uh, I've never done that before. Me and him alone.

哦，这个……我从没试过呢。和他单独在一起。

Ross

Rach, he's not an ex-con.

瑞秋，他又不是从监狱里放出来的。

Rachel

Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, what do I, what do I do with him?

好吧，好吧。嗯，我该和他干什么呢？

Ross

I don't know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.

不知道！就跟他讲话，让他高兴，还有留他一条小命。

Rachel

Okay.

好的。

Ross

Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?

好。（本进来）本？过来。是这样，我把你留在这儿和瑞秋阿姨一起呆一个小时。可以吗？你会乖吗？

Rachel

Yeah I think so.

我想可以吧。

Ross

(To Rachel) I wasn't talking to you.

（对瑞秋）我又不是问你。

Ben

I'll be okay.

我没事的。

Ross

Okay, I'll see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.

好，一会儿见伙计。（拥抱并亲吻他。）一小时后回来。

Ben

Bye dad.

爸爸再见。

Rachel

Bye. (Ross exits.) Ahhh... (Silence) So this is fun, huh?

再见。（罗斯离开。）啊……（沉默）真好玩，是吧？

Ben

Not really.

不怎么好玩。

Rachel

Okay. Uh, want something-want something to drink?

好吧。嗯，想喝点什么吗？

Ben

Okay.

好的。

Rachel

Uh great! How do you feel about Diet Coke?

太好了！你觉得健怡可乐怎么样？

Ben

I'm not allowed to have soda.

我不能喝汽水。

Rachel

Okay. Well that's pretty much all that we have---Oh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? (Holds up a bottle of margarita mix.)

好吧。可我们基本只有这个——噢！噢！你喝过处女玛格丽特吗？（举起一瓶玛格丽特混合饮料。）

Ben

What's a virgin?

处女是什么？

Rachel

Water it is.

那就喝水吧。

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Monica

What about the second minister we meet with? I kinda liked him.

我们见的第二个牧师怎么样？我有点喜欢他。

Chandler

You mean the spitter?

你说那个口水怪？

Monica

Come on! It wasn't that bad!

拜托！没那么糟吧！

Chandler

Easy for you to say; you'll be wearing a veil.

你当然无所谓，到时你有面纱挡着。

Monica

All right, what about the third guy?

好吧，那第三个呢？

Chandler

You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest?

你是说盯着你胸脯看的那个？

Monica

Can you blame him?

那你能怪他吗？

Chandler

Sorry, I just don't like the idea of when I say, "I do," he's thinking, "Yeah, I'd do her too!"

对不起，我不想我说“我愿意”的时候，他想着“我也愿意干她！”

Monica

Well then we still have a problem.

那问题还没解决。

Chandler

Yeah!

是啊！

Phoebe

(returning with Joey) With what?

（和乔伊一起回来）什么问题？

Monica

Well, we're trying to find someone to perform our wedding and they're all either boring or annoying or y'know, can't stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.)

我们想找人主持我们的婚礼，可他们不是闷蛋就是讨厌鬼，要么就老爱盯着女生这里看。（指着自己胸部。）

(Joey nods his approval.)

（乔伊赞同地点头。）

Phoebe

Oo! You should have one of us do it!

噢！应该让我们谁来主持！

Monica

Phoebe, we're getting married, married; not sixth grade married.

菲比，我们要真的结婚，不是过家家。

Phoebe

No! No! It's-it's uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!

不！不开玩笑！真的可以呢！任何人都可在网上申请成为牧师，之后可以主持婚礼之类的仪式。

Monica

Are you serious?

你说真的？

Phoebe

Yes! A friend of mine did it and it's totally legal!

我报名！！

Joey

I call it!!

我报名！！

Phoebe

What?! No! It was my idea!

什么？！不行！这是我的主意！

Chandler

Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.

非常谢谢你们，但你们两人都不行。

Joey

Does calling it not mean anything anymore?!

怎么报名不算数了吗？！

Chandler

We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!

我们还是要找个正式的牧师！正式的意思是，他得是同性恋、还要能控制自己的口水！

Rachel

Ben y'know when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. 'Cause I was, I was your daddy's girlfriend.

本你知道吗，当你还是个婴儿的时候，我们常在一起呢。因为，我曾是你爸爸的女友。

Ben

But you're not anymore!

但你已经不是了！

Rachel

No, I'm not.

对，不是了。

Ben

'Cause you guys were on a break.

因为你们当时就已经分手了。

Rachel

Hey! We were not on a---Okay. That's fine! Fine. Y'know what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?

嘿！我们当时没有……算了。无所谓！好吧。本你知道吗，等你长大很多后，我会就着一大壶真正的玛格丽特，把那整个故事讲给你听，好吗？

Ben

When's my daddy coming back?

我爸爸什么时候回来？

Rachel

(checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You don't have to share stuff.

（看表）52分钟后。（停顿）你没有兄弟姐妹呢！真好。你不用分享东西。

Ben

Sharing is good.

分享是好事。

Rachel

Oh, you're one of those. But y'know what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.

噢，你就是那种孩子。不过你知道吗？我有两个妹妹，我们总是互相捉弄。

Ben

Really? Like how?

真的？怎样捉弄？

Rachel

Well y'know, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, we'd jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so they'd put salt on their cereal.

我们，互相学舌，或是，从衣柜里跳出来吓唬对方，或者把糖和盐互换，让她们在燕麦片上洒盐。

Ben

(laughs) That's a good one.

（笑）这个真棒。

Rachel

Yeah? You like that one?

是吗？你喜欢这个？

Ben

Yeah, you're funny.

喜欢，你很有趣。

Rachel

I'm funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, I've got a ton of these! Umm, oh hear---Do you want a good one? Here's a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you can't roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, they're left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.

我很有趣？谢谢老天爷！我还有好多这些把戏呢！想听个更有趣的吗？还有一个。你拿个硬币，把边涂黑。（这么做。）之后你就对人说，我敢打赌你不能把这硬币从你的额头一直滚到下巴而不会掉下来。一旦他们这样做了，脸的正中间就会留下一条长长的黑色的铅笔线。

Ben

Can I do it to you?

我能要你这么做吗？

Rachel

Yeah, I-I-I-I'm funny Ben, but I'm not stupid. Okay?

我很有趣，但我不笨。好吗？

Joey

So, did you uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?

你们找到牧师了吗？

Chandler

No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together.

没有，但“想干莫妮卡牧师”来电，想知道我们分手没有。

Monica

We're never gonna find anybody.

我们永远也找不到合适的人选。

Joey

Well then let me do it!

那就让我做吧！

Chandler

Joe...

乔伊……

Joey

No-no-no! Look, I've been thinking about it. I'm an actor right? So I won't get nervous talking in front of people.

不-不-不！我想过了。我是演员，对吧？所以我在众人面前讲话不会紧张。

Monica

Joey look it's really sweet...

乔伊，你的想法很不错……

Joey

No-no-no-no look no! I won't spit, and I won't stare at Monica's breasts! Y'know? Everyone knows I'm an ass man!

不-不-不-不，听我说！我既不喷口水，也不盯着莫妮卡的胸脯看！人人都知道，我更喜欢看屁股！

Monica

That is true.

那倒是真的。

Joey

Yeah and the most important thing is that it won't be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. It'll be me! And I swear I'll do a really good job. Plus, y'know I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.

最重要的，在台上的不会是了解你们的陌生人，而是我！我发誓一定会做得很好。再说，我爱你们两个，这对我来说会非常有意义。

Chandler

(To Monica) Y'know, we haven't found anybody else.

（对莫妮卡）我们还没找到别人。

Monica

It might be kinda cool.

也许会挺酷的。

Joey

So I can do it?

那我可以做吗？

Chandler

Yeah you can do it.

行啊，你可以做。

Joey

All right!!! Okay!! All right! Okay-okay, I gotta get started on my speech! Oh, wait a minute, Internet ministers can still have sex right?

太好了！！！太好了！！好的，我要开始准备讲稿了！噢，等一下，网上注册牧师仍可以有性生活，对吗？

Chandler

Yeah.

是的。

Joey

Okay.

好的。

(Phoebe enters slowly.)

（菲比慢慢走进来。）

Monica

Hey Pheebs, how's it going?

嘿，菲比，怎么样了？

Phoebe

Oh, I have a headache. A horrible headache!

噢，我头疼，真头疼！

Monica

Oh, I'm sorry. Can I get you something?

噢，很抱歉。我给你带点东西？

Phoebe

Oh my God, you've got to stop chattering!

哦，我的天啊！你别说了！

Monica

Here, take a couple of these. (She gets up to grab a couple of pills.)

给，吃些药。（她起身拿了几粒药。）

Phoebe

What is it?

是什么？

Monica

It's Hexadrin.

是六环素。

Phoebe

Oh no, I don't believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (She's pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)

哦，不，我不相信西药。不，如果你摁住这些地方，那么你的手会疼的，你还会头疼，谢谢。（吃下药片。）

Monica

Okay, while we're waiting for these pills to kick in, I'm gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, I'm gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And I'm---Sit down---(She sits down on the couch)---gonna make you some tea. And then, I'm gonna rub your feet.

好的，在我们等待这些药起作用的同时，我让你坐在沙发上。来。（菲比起身跟她走。）把这些软枕头放在头下。我给你开电视。你随便看你喜欢的节目。我坐下来——（她坐到沙发上）——给你沏茶，然后给你做脚按摩。

Phoebe

Oh.

噢。

Joey

Oh! My head! Oh! (He's sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh!

噢！我的头！噢！（他坐在椅子上，往后一靠，把脚伸出来让莫妮卡按。）噢！

Rachel

Coming.

来了。

(She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.)

（她打开门，看到罗斯脸上从额头到下巴有一道铅笔印。）

Ross

I have a bone to pick with you.

我对你有些不满。

Rachel

Uh-oh.

啊哦。

Ross

Yes! Ben learned a little trick.

没错！本学了个小把戏。

Rachel

Oh yeah? Did he pull the old... (She is waving her hand up and down her face. She's thinking about the pencil mark.)

是吗？他是不是拿……（她用手在脸上下比划。她想到了铅笔印。）

Ross

That's right! That's right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere!

没错！没错！保鲜膜裹在马桶座上，所以尿得到处都是！

Rachel

Oh that.

噢，那个。

Ross

Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! They're mean and they're stupid and-and I don't want my son learning them!

对，那个！你知道我讨厌恶作剧！又低级又愚蠢……我不想我儿子学这些鬼东西！

Rachel

Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you don't think that's just a little funny?!

噢，不至于吧！保鲜膜裹在马桶座上，你就不觉得有一点点有趣？

Ross

I was barefoot. Now tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him right?

我当时光着脚。告诉我，你只教了他马桶那玩意儿是不？

Rachel

(looking at his mark) Yes.

（看着他的印记）是的。

Phoebe

It's amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?

真神奇！头疼好了！这些药叫作什么？

Monica

Hexadrin. (She gets the box out of her purse.)

六环素。（她从包里拿出盒子。）

Phoebe

Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)

噢！我爱你，六环素！（她亲了一下盒子。）哦，看！这里面有个故事！（她抽出说明书和副作用纸。）

Monica

No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.

不，菲比，这些是副作用什么的。

Phoebe

Say what?

说什么？

Monica

Y'know, the possible side affects.

你知道，可能的副作用。

Phoebe

Oh my God! (Starts reading them.) Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headache---Headache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now okay, I don't recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh I'm sorry, extra strength death capsules!

我的天啊！（开始读）头晕，紧张，昏睡，面部肿胀，恶心，头疼——头疼。呕吐，胃出血，肝损坏！好了，现在。我不会再记得你给我的这些该死的药丸时出现这些情况！噢，抱歉，加强型死亡胶囊！

Monica

Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons!

菲比，放心，这些情况不会发生的。他们只是把它们写在这里来避免法律责任！

Phoebe

Why?

为什么？

Monica

In case it happens.

万一发生了呢。

Joey

(entering) Hey!

（走进来）嘿！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! (Holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his ordination.)

跟乔伊·崔比昂尼牧师问声好吧！（举起证明他被任命的文件。）

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

You did it! You got ordained?!

你去申请了！你得到任命了？！

Joey

Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of porn out there!

是啊，我刚刚下线！天，网上色情的东西真不少！

Chandler

Our minister...

我们的牧师……

Phoebe

I have liver damage. Ow! Oh! (She grabs the left side of her torso.)

我肝损坏了。嗷！噢！（她抓住身体左侧。）

Monica

Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)

菲比，你的肝在这里。（她指向身体右侧。）

Phoebe

Okay, then I must be disoriented.

好吧，那我一定是方向感错乱了。

Joey

Anyway, I started working on what I'm going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it?

总之，我准备好了婚典上说的话，想听吗？

Chandler

Okay.

好的。

Monica

Yeah!

好啊！

Joey

Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so... (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."

现在听着，这只是初稿，所以……（开始读他带来的纸。）“我们今天共聚在这欢快场合，来庆祝莫妮卡和钱德所分享的特殊爱情。”（莫妮卡和钱德目前挺满意。）嗯？（他继续读。）“这是基于给予和接受的爱。也是拥有和分享的爱。他们所给予和拥有的爱，也是分享和接受的爱。通过这拥有和给予和分享和接受。”（菲比点头赞同。）“我们也能分享和爱和拥有和接受。”

Chandler

(To Monica) Should we call the spitter?

（对莫妮卡）打个电话给口水怪？

Commercial Break

广告时间

Carol

Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)

嘿瑞秋！（镜头切到她的脸，我们看到本也对她的脸用了硬币把戏。）

Rachel

Hi!

嗨！

Carol

What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?

真是稀客呢！你来干嘛？

Rachel

Well y'know I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "What's up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"

哦，我刚刚就在附近，经过你们这儿，就想到，“不知卡罗尔和可爱的小本好吗？”

Carol

Can I ask what---Come on in.

我能问一下——进来吧。

Rachel

Okay.

好的。

Carol

Umm uh, I'll make some coffee and we can uh, chat.

嗯，我煮点咖啡，我们可以，嗯，聊天。

Rachel

I'd love that. I would loooove... (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...

好啊。那真好……（卡罗尔去煮咖啡，她坐下。）那么，可爱的小本在哪儿呢？我想和他……

Ben

(jumping up from behind her chair) Gotcha!! (Rachel jumps up startled.)

（从她椅子后面跳出来）吓死你！！（瑞秋吓得跳起来。）

Rachel

I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you okay?

我找到他了！（对本）真有趣，到这儿来！（她坐到咖啡桌上，本走过来。）这就是我来这儿跟你谈的原因。

Carol

(from the kitchen) Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?

（从厨房）瑞秋，咖啡里要加糖吗？

Rachel

Yes oh---(To Ben)---Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?

要，噢——（对本）我要在咖啡里加糖吗？（本摇头）不用了，只要牛奶就行，谢谢。（对本）好了，你记得我昨天教你那些东西吗？

Ben

(mimicking her) Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?

（模仿她）记得我昨天教你那些东西吗？

Rachel

Don't do that.

别学我。

Ben

Don't do that.

别学我。

Rachel

Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks.

说真的，你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧。

Ben

Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks.

说真的，你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧。

Rachel

Oh damnit!

噢，该死的！

Ben

Oh damnit!

噢，该死的！

Rachel

No! Don't say that! Don't say that!

不！别说这个！别说这个！

Ben

Damnit!

该死的！

Rachel

No don't! Go back to repeating!

别说了！还是重复我讲话吧！

Ben

Damnit!

该死的！

Rachel

Oh crap!

噢，屁话！

Ben

Oh crap!

噢，屁话！

Phoebe

I feel like my face is swelling. (To Monica) Is my face swelling?

我觉得我的脸在变胖！（对莫妮卡）我的脸变胖了吗？

Monica

Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!

菲比，你的脸没事！来，这些情况不会发生在你身上的！不要像个孩子似的！

Phoebe

Oh, interesting you should call me that! Now that I may never have one! (Holds up the warning label.)

噢，真有趣，你该那样叫我！现在我不会有了！（举起警告标签。）

Joey

Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?

好了，我又写了一点。准备好听了吗？

Chandler

Yeah. O-okay.

是的，好了。

Joey

(reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and..." And then I can't think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)

（读）“当我想到这两个给予者和接受者所分享的爱，就忍不住嫉妒他们这一生将要度过的拥有和爱慕和给予和……”然后我想不到一个好词。（他指着纸上停下的地方。）

Monica

How about receiving?

“接受”这个词怎么样？

Joey

Yes!

正是！

Chandler

See Joe, not that that's not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Y'know, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!

乔伊，不是嫌你写得不好。但是，找认识的人主持婚礼，好处之一就是，所说的可以和我们更贴近，可以更有针对性。你可以讲我们的故事！

Joey

Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?

噢，比如有一次你和我去大西洋城，我逗你笑得太厉害，你把整个牛排都吐出来了？记得吗？

Chandler

No, not us... (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)

不，不是我们俩……（指指乔伊和自己。）是我们俩！（指指莫妮卡和自己。）

Monica

I gotcha. Sorry. (To Monica) So, did you ever make him throw up a whole anything?

我明白了。抱歉。（对莫妮卡）那么，你曾让他吐出过一整份什么东西吗？

Phoebe

Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?

你曾喂过他毒胶囊让他眼睛流血吗？

Monica

It doesn't say that!

标签上没写那个！

Phoebe

Oh! Suddenly somebody knows all about the side affects!

噢！突然有人对副作用了如指掌了！

Chandler

See Joe, we want you to tell stories but y'know, romantic stories. Nice stories.

乔伊，我们想让你讲故事，但你知道，浪漫的故事。好听的故事。

Joey

Oh. Okay. Ooh! Ooh! Okay, maybe I'll talk about London! Y'know when you two hooked up! Only, only I won't say hooked up. I'll say, "Began their beautiful journey..."

哦。好的。噢！噢！好吧，也许我会讲讲伦敦的事！你们俩在那搞上了！只是，我不会说“搞上了”。我会说，“他们展开的美好旅程……”

Monica

There you go!

就是这样！

Joey

"...by doin' it."

“……是干出来的”

Chandler

Joe?

乔伊？

Joey

Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing y'know you're in the bathtub together and she's feeding you strawberries?

好，好吧。嗯，那你们是怎么开始的？你们两个先对上了眼儿？接着你就发现你们在浴缸里，她在给你喂草莓？

Chandler

Isn't that what happened with you and the bride's maid?

那不是你和伴娘的风流史吗？

Joey

Yeah!! I call that London style.

正是！！我管那叫“伦敦式艳遇”。

Monica

No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was with thought I was Ross's mom.

我们不一样。嗯，我当时很难过，因为某人以为我是罗斯的妈妈。

Joey

Oh.

噢。

Monica

And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much...

钱德好贴心，他安慰我。我们也确实喝多了。

Joey

Yeah baby!

对了，宝贝！

Chandler

And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.

我当时可是个完美的绅士，我送她回酒店房间说再见。

Joey

Oh.

噢。

Chandler

But then later that night...

但当晚晚些时候……

Joey

Yeah baby!

这才对，宝贝！

Chandler

(answering the door) Hey!

（开门）嘿！

Monica

(standing outside) Cute PJ's! You're really livin' it up here in London huh?

（站在外面）睡衣小可爱！你还真像在伦敦住家呢，哈？

Chandler

Well I was... I was exactly expecting company after...(He looks at his watch.) 9:15.

这么晚了，没想到还会有人来……（看表）才9:15。

Monica

(entering) Is Joey here?

（走进来）乔伊在吗？

Chandler

Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the bride's maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, you're not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?

最后一次见他，是和伴娘一起，还拿着一桶草莓出去了。所以……你该不是还在为那人说的话难受吧？

Monica

Wouldn't you be?

换了是你，你不难受？

Chandler

Well, look it's been a really emotional time y'know, and you've had a lot to drink. And you've just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!

这阵子你情绪波动大，又喝了那么多酒。可你必须忘了那事，好吗？今晚婚宴上，你是最美的女人！

Monica

Really?

真的吗？

Chandler

You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?

那还用说？在大多数地方，你都是最美的女人……（她跳起来吻他。）（中断吻）喔！喔！喔！怎么回事？咱俩刚刚亲嘴了！咱俩在亲嘴吗？

Monica

Well, not anymore.

哦，已经没有了。

Chandler

But we don't do that.

但我们不应亲嘴。

Monica

I know, I just thought it would be fun.

我知道，我只是觉得会挺好玩的。

Chandler

How drunk are you?

你有多醉了？

Monica

Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.

醉得想要你。但还没醉得神志不清，所以你不必为揩我的油而感到内疚。

Chandler

(thinks) That's the perfect amount!

（想了想）不多不少恰恰好！

Monica

Okay!

好吧！

(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)

（他们跑到床边，坐下，又开始接吻。）

Monica

(breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird?

（中断吻）你知道什么很奇怪？

Chandler

What?

什么？

Monica

This doesn't feel weird!

咱们越轨、却不觉得奇怪！

Chandler

I know.

可不是嘛。

Monica

You're a really good kisser.

你真是接吻高手。

Chandler

Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?

哦，我吻过不止四个女人。（他们又接吻。）你想钻到被子里面吗？

Monica

Hm-hmm!

嗯！

Chandler

Okay!

好！

(They do so and they take off their clothes.)

（他们这么做，脱掉衣服。）

Monica

Wow! You are really fast!

哇！你动作好快啊！

Chandler

It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.

速度快让你印象深刻，对我来说是好兆头。

Monica

We're gonna see each other naked.

我们会看到对方裸体。

Chandler

Yep!

没错！

Monica

Do you wanna do it at the same time?

一起看？

Chandler

Count of three?

数三下？

Monica

One!

一！

Chandler

Two!

二！

Monica

Two!

二！

Monica and Chandler

Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)

三！（他们掀开被子互相看了看，然后傻笑着缩回来。）

Chandler

Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.

我想可以毫不夸张的说，我们的友谊彻底破坏了。

Monica

Eh, we weren't that close anyway!

嗯，反正我们也不是那么要好！

Chandler

Eh!

呃！

(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)

（他们又开始接吻，直到乔伊试图进来才停住。）

Chandler

Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey! (Monica hides under the covers as Joey enters. Remember?)

乔伊！乔伊！乔伊！乔-乔伊-乔-乔伊！（莫妮卡躲到被子下，乔伊走进来。还记得吗？）

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e... (Notices that the TV is turned off.)

嘿乔伊！我正在看电影……（注意到电视是关着的。）

Joey

Oh, dude I'm so sorry!

噢，老兄，我很抱歉！

Chandler

No! No! No!

不！不！不是的！

Joey

Hey no-no-no-no! It's cool! It's cool! I-I'll only be a second, I'm still with my bride's maid, I just---Where are those condoms you brought?

嘿，没关系的！我只呆一下，我还和伴娘一块呢，我——你买的那些避孕套呢？

Chandler

They're in my bag over there. (Points.)

在那包里。（指。）

Joey

Ah. (Joey walks to Chandler's bag by getting as far away from Chandler's bed as possible.)

啊。（乔伊尽量远离钱德的床，走到钱德的包旁。）

Chandler

Uh, could you leave me one?

嗯，能留一个给我吗？

Joey

(pause) For just you?

（停顿）你一个人还要用？

Chandler

Yeah.

是啊。

Joey

Hey listen, why don't you come downstairs with me? There's some really nice girls down there.

嘿，听着，你跟我下楼吧？楼下有几个很不错的女孩。

Chandler

No I-I-I'm fine.

不用了，我没事。

Joey

All right, here you go buddy. (He tosses him one.) Go nuts. (Exits.)

好吧，给你，老兄。（扔给他一个。）好好快活吧。（离开。）

Joey

That's what that was?! 'Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.

原来是这么回事呀？！那个呢？我还以为你发现了什么，但对我没用。

Monica

Okay, can we change the topic? Because it's really doing nothing for me.

好了，我们能换个话题吗？因为这对我一点用都没有。

Joey

Oh... (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadn't left you that last one? You two might've never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! It's like it was in the stars!

哦……（对钱德）要是当时没留一个套子给你呢？你们两个也许永远也不会在一起。噢噢！假如我当时叫个妓女去你房间，能想象吗？！就像是命中注定！

Phoebe

Yeah, it's totally meant to be. (To Monica) Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.

是啊，这确实是命中注定。（对莫妮卡）告诉他、你那晚本想勾搭谁。

Monica

What?!

什么？！

Chandler

What?

什么？

Phoebe

(To Joey) What?!

（对乔伊）什么？！

Chandler

Who did you originally want to hook up with?

你最初想和谁搞上？

Monica

Okay, fine but please don't be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted...just sex. So, when I...went to your room that night...I was actually looking...for Joey. (Joey smiles.)

好，我说，但别不高兴，好吗？我当时真的很沮丧，而且醉得很厉害！我只想干点毫无意义的傻事。我只想……只想纯做爱。所以，当我……那晚去你们房间……我其实是想……找乔伊。（乔伊笑了。）

Joey

Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby!

好啊，宝贝！（钱德瞪他。）不好，宝贝！

Commercial Break

广告时间

Chandler

(To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?

（对莫妮卡）就是说你去我们房间要钓的是乔伊？你有没有想过要告诉我？

Monica

No because it-it didn't seem important.

没有，因为似乎并不重要。

Chandler

Oh, it's not important? It's not important?! If it wasn't for a bride's maid you'd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!

噢，不重要？这不重要？！如果没有那伴娘，你现在要嫁的是他、而不是我！

Monica

Noo!! The point is that is was you that was there that night! It is you that I am marrying! It is you that I feel in love with!

不对！！关键是那晚在那里的是你！我要嫁的是你！我爱上的也是你！

Joey

And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv---(Shuts up on Monica's glare.)

而这爱是基于拥有和给予和接——（被莫妮卡瞪了一眼闭嘴。）

Chandler

I don't believe it. The most romantic night of my life and I'm runner up.

真不敢相信。我一生中最浪漫的一晚，我却是个备胎。

Monica

Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!

钱德，拜托！你知道我现在有多庆幸那晚乔伊不在吗？！

Joey

Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now I'm a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!

嘿！（莫妮卡转身看着他）我现在是牧师，但我还是有感觉的！

Chandler

(To Joey) Look there is no way you're doing this wedding now. Okay?

（对乔伊）现在你更不可能主持我们的婚礼了。好吗？

Joey

What?! That's not fair! It's not my fault! I was off with my bride's maid! And who's to say I would've even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I would've said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way too big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!

什么？！太不公平了！又不是我的错！我又不在那儿，我和伴娘在一起！谁说我就会答应她？！（对莫妮卡）我会答应的。钱德，你把这事儿看得太严重了，好吗？你看，现在不是一切都很好！

Chandler

Okay, it's just weird! Okay? I don't want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need...I don't know what I need. I need a walk.

好吧，就是觉得怪！我不想站在那儿说誓词时，脑子里全是你和莫妮卡的画面。我要……我不知道要干什么。我要去走走。

Monica

Wait Chandler come on, let's---it's not a big deal!

等等钱德，拜托，也没那么大不了吧！

Chandler

It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)

对我来说大不了。你本想和蝙蝠侠上床，可你不得不和罗宾将就着干了。（走出去摔上门。）

Joey

This is crazy.

这真是莫名其妙。

Phoebe

I know! Robin is so gay!

是啊！“罗宾”好像同性恋！

Rachel

So now what have we agreed?

我们说好了什么？

Ben

No more pranks.

不再搞恶作剧。

Rachel

And-and what else?

还有呢？

Ben

That you and daddy were not on a break.

你和爸爸当时还没有分手。

Rachel

Very good.

非常好。

(There's a knock on the door and Ross enters.)

（有人敲门，罗斯进来。）

Ross

Rachel! What are you doing here?

瑞秋！你来这儿干嘛？

Rachel

I'm just visiting my good friend Carol.

我只是来看看我的好朋友卡罗尔。

Ross

Your good friend?

你的好朋友？

Rachel

Yeah!

是啊！

Ross

What's her last name?

她姓什么？

Rachel

Carol...Lesbian?

卡罗尔……女同志？

Ross

Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face?

很好。顺便问一下，我脸上的那条线？

Rachel

What line?

什么线？

Ross

Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, (In a college frat boy voice) "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"

什么线？那天最后一节课，有学生问我，（用大学兄弟会男孩的声音）“好家伙，你从来不洗脸的吗？”

Rachel

All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but you were so mad already!

好吧，对不起。我没告诉你，可你已经那么生气了！

Ross

Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-it's not funny!

我当然生气！我跟你说过我讨厌这些鬼东西！好吗？一点都不好笑！

Carol

(entering from the kitchen) Hey Ross!

（从厨房出来）嘿，罗斯！

Ross

Hi.

嗨。

Carol

What's not funny?

什么不好笑？

Ross

Practical jokes.

恶作剧。

Carol

Oh I...I think they're funny.

哦，我觉得很好笑。

Ross

You have a line down your face.

你脸上有道线。

Carol

What? (Goes and checks.)

什么？（去查看。）

Rachel

Okay, maybe they are not funny to you...

好吧，也许对你来说不好笑……

Carol

(yelling from the bathroom) Oh my God!

（从浴室大喊）我的天啊！

Rachel

Or Carol! But they're funny to kids and who is it hurting?!

或者对卡罗尔！但它们对孩子来说有趣，又伤害了谁呢？！

Ross

Uh, y'know what? I'll tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principal's office wearing nothing but a catcher's mitt!

嗯，你知道吗？我来告诉你伤害了谁！伤害了那个在体育课上所有衣服被偷，只能戴着捕手手套去校长办公室的孩子！

Rachel

That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!"

那是你？！我们初中时就听说过你！你真的就朝着空中挥舞拳头大喊“我会报仇的”吗？

Ross

I will be! Listen, I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. Okay?

我会的！听着，我不希望你再灌输这些鬼把戏给我儿子。知道了吗？

Rachel

Fine. Fine, but I'll have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but I'll go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if that's what you want!

好吧，好吧。但我要告诉你，一旦我教他那些东西，他会叫我“有趣的瑞秋阿姨”。我喜欢做“有趣的瑞秋阿姨”，但如果那是你想要的，我就变回无聊又别扭的瑞秋阿姨。

Ross

No that's not what I want. Uh, I'm glad you guys were bonding but I...

不，那不是我要的。嗯，你们亲密愉快我很高兴，但……

Rachel

Look he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, somebody's gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I haven't taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesn't know anyway!

他又没有兄弟姐妹，总得有人教他这些东西！而且我又没有教他六岁孩子不该会的东西！

Ben

(yelling from off camera) Crap!!

（画外大喊）屁话！！

Rachel

I gotta go! (Runs out.)

我得走了！（跑出去。）

Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Chandler

Hey. Do you want this scone? (Holds up his plate) It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you!

嘿。你要这块烤饼吗？（举起盘子）是给我的，但它可能更想和你睡！

Joey

Chandler, come on nothing even happened!

钱德，拜托，什么都没发生过啊！

Chandler

Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding...

乔伊，我知道你想主持婚礼……

Joey

No-hey-no! If you don't want me to do it, I except that. I don't care about that. I just...I don't want you to be upset.

不-嘿-不！如果你不想我做，我接受。我不在乎那个。我只是……我不想你老这么沮丧。

Chandler

How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!

我怎么可能不沮丧？我终于和这个超棒的女人相爱，结果发现她最初想要的是你！

Joey

Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! You're so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, 'cause you guys are perfect for each other. Y'know, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just...it-it fits. Y'know? And you just know it's gonna last forever.

是啊，就一晚，还大概只要半小时！钱德，她的余生要的都是你呢！你真幸运！看看我不在那里错过了什么！不过你知道吗？它绝不可能像你们这样成功，因为你们俩是天生一对。我们看着你们在一起，就觉得……觉得好相称。就知道一定会天长地久的。

Chandler

That's what you should say.

那就是你该说的。

Joey

What?

什么？

Chandler

When you're marrying us; that's what you should say.

当你主持婚礼的时候，那就是你该说的话。

Joey

Really? I can do it?

真的？我能主婚？

Chandler

I'd love it if you would do it.

我很愿意让你主婚。

Joey

Hey! (They hug.)

嘿！（他们拥抱。）

Chandler

But those are the words! Those exact words!

就说那些话！一字不差！

Joey

Well I don't know remember exactly but, it's-it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.

我不知道能不能记得全，但是，也就和拥有和给予、和分享和接受差不了多少。

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Hey I'm sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-I've got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, 'Fun Aunt' Rachel, so...

嘿，抱歉又要让你帮忙了，你可以再帮我带一下本吗？就一会儿。我要回学校开会。他问能不能找他的“有趣的瑞秋阿姨”，所以……

Rachel

Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, don't we Ben? (He nods yes.)

噢！当然没问题啦！我们在一起很开心，是吗本？（他点头。）

Ross

Okay, I'll see you later pal.

好吧，迟点见，伙计。

(Ross turns to leave.)

（罗斯转身离开。）

Rachel

Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads 'Poop.') Wh---Ah-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I can't do it.

噢，好的。（罗斯背上贴着一张纸，写着“便便”。）啊——哈哈！（罗斯停住转身。）等一下。嗯，本，我不能这么做。

Ross

What?

什么？

Rachel

I can't let him go out that way, he's got a meeting. (To Ross) You've got something here on your back.

我不能让他那样出去，他还要开会。（对罗斯）你背上有张东西。

Ross

What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) That's great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!

什么？（她取下纸递给他。）太可恶了。太可恶了。（生气地把纸揉成一团扔掉。）我们刚刚才说过什么，本？！

Rachel

Oh I...

噢，我……

Ben

What did we just finish talking about Ben?!

我们刚刚才说过什么，本？！

Ross

All right, that's it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Come---you---no! You are in big trouble young man!

好吧，我受够了！（他跑向本，但本从他身边跑开出了门。）过来——你——不！你惹大麻烦的，小子！

Rachel

No! Wait! Come on!

不！等等！别这样！

Ross

Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding!

等等！不！本，过来！我不是跟你开玩笑的！

Rachel

No you guys... (She walks out into the hallway.)

不，你们别这样……（她走到走廊里。）

Ross

I-I-am---(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.)

我——（突然罗斯开始尖叫，从楼梯上摔下来，正好落在瑞秋面前。）

Rachel

EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)

啊！！！！！！！我的天啊！！！！！！！哦我的天啊！！！！！！！（她跑过去，发现那是个假人，她被骗了。）

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

Hey-hey.

嘿嘿。

Joey

So are guys doing okay?

你们还好吗？

Chandler

Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.

很好，我们聊了，莫妮卡让我明白了我有点过激了。生命中有些事更重要。

Monica

Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)

是的，宝贝！（菲比和乔伊点头。）

Phoebe

I'm really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.

我真的很高兴你们和好了，但我总在想你们两个（指莫妮卡和乔伊）要是真搞上了会怎么样。

Monica

Honey! Dinner's ready!

亲爱的！晚餐准备好了！

(Joey, whose new diet is working out great, he looks like he only weighs 375 down from 420 enters from the bedroom.)

（乔伊的新节食计划效果显著，他看起来只有375磅，从420磅降下来。他从卧室走进来。）

Fat Joey

What's my little chef got for me tonight?

我的小厨子今晚给我做了什么呢？

Monica

Your favorite!

你的最爱！

Joey

Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!

吼吼吼，（在冰箱旁停下来喘气）有奶酪的油炸东西！

Monica

Yep! And lot's of it!

对了！做了好多呢！

Fat Joey

Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. (They kiss.) Okay.

谢谢，亲爱的。亲一下。（他们接吻。）好了。

(Joey sits down.)

（乔伊坐下。）

Monica

Okay, in we go.

好了，进去吧。

(Monica gets behind him and in combination with his sliding the chair forward and her pushing with her leg manages to get up to the table.)

（莫妮卡站到他身后，他往前滑椅子，她用腿推，总算把他送到了桌边。）

Fat Joey

Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin'?

来吧！来吧！来吧！（呻吟着拿起一块食物。）你好吗？

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Joey

Here you go.

给你。

Phoebe

(still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) That's it! I'm out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!

（还在读标签）哦我的天！这是六小时的药！（看表）就这样！我没事了！噢！真解脱！

Joey

Good for you!

太好了！

Phoebe

Oh, it's like huge weight has been lifted! 'Cause look, (reads the side affects) no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, I'm just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoria---Oh.

噢，就像是卸下了千斤重担！因为你看，（读副作用）没有脱发，没有皮疹，没有荨麻疹，我太高兴了！因为没有呼吸急促，没有短暂欣快感——噢。

End

结束