The One Where Rosita Dies

Joey

Hey.

嗨。

Rachel

Hey.

嗨。

Joey

What are you doing?

你干什么呢？

Rachel

Well, y'know I was thinking of moving the couch over here.

哦，我打算把椅子挪到这边来。

Joey

(laughs) Why would you want to do that?

（笑）你这是为什么？

Rachel

So that there will be a decent place for me to sit.

我坐在那边更合适一点。

Joey

Rach, there is a decent place to...

瑞秋，这才是你最合适的……

Rachel

And your lap does not count!

你的大腿不算在内！

Joey

No. No. No.

不。不。不。

Rachel

No?

不？

Joey

No. Rosita does not move.

不。罗塞塔不动。

Rachel

I'm sorry, Rosita? As in...

对不起，罗塞塔？意思是……

Joey

As in Rosita does not move.

意思是罗塞塔不动。

Rachel

Joey, it's just a chair! What's the big deal?

乔伊，这只是个椅子！有什么大不了的？

Joey

The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and it's at the perfect angle so you don't get any glare coming off of Stevie.

关键是这里到卫生间和厨房的距离是完全一样的，而且这是个完美的角度，你不会看到斯蒂维的反光。

Rachel

Stevie the TV?

斯蒂维是电视？

Joey

(glaring at her) Is there a problem?

（瞪着她）有问题吗？

Rachel

No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.) Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!

没！（乔伊放下啤酒和薯片袋，走进他的房间）哦，他知道什么！好吧，罗塞塔，我们女人应该团结在一起，对吧！（她用力拉椅背，直到铰链断裂，椅背掉下来）你这贱人！

Opening Credits

片头

Ross

Hey, y'know what's weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you're gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." That's weird isn't it?

嘿，你知道什么很奇怪吗？等你们结婚后，你向别人介绍我的时候，你不得不说，“这是我小舅子罗斯。”而不是“我朋友罗斯”，“小舅子罗斯”。这很奇怪，不是吗？

Chandler

Couldn't I just say, "This is Ross?"

我不能直接说“这是罗斯”吗？

Ross

(disappointed) Sure, do whatever you want.

（失望地）当然，你想怎样都行。

(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)

（菲比在钱德和罗斯中间坐下。）

Monica

(entering, carrying a newspaper) Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section...

（进来，拿着报纸）嘿罗斯！我刚看到这个，房地产部分……

Ross

Yeah?

啊？

Monica

Look at this. (Hands him the newspaper.)

看这个。（把报纸递给他。）

Ross

Oh, it looks like mom and dad's house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is...Oh my God!!

哦，看上去象是妈妈和爸爸的房子。哦，这也有棵断了一枝的树，阁楼上的窗子也……天啊！！

Phoebe

What? What happened to the window in the attic?!

怎么了？阁楼的窗子有什么问题？！

Monica

I can't believe mom and dad are selling the house!

我无法相信妈妈和爸爸正在卖房子！

Ross

I can't believe they-they didn't even tell us!

我无法相信他们都不跟我们说一声！

Phoebe

I can't believe I still don't know what happened to the window in the attic!

我无法相信我现在都不知道阁楼的窗子有什么问题！

(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)

（罗斯用手机给父母打电话。）

Ross

(on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes we're surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?

（打电话）呃，你好爸爸！莫妮卡和我在报纸上看到那房子了！（听）对，我们很吃惊！（听）你把口信留给谁了？

Chandler

(knocking on the window while outside) Sorry! (Runs off.)

（在外面敲窗户）对不起！（跑开。）

Rachel

Joey, Joey I am so sorry.

乔伊，乔伊我很抱歉。

Joey

I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said don't, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?

我告诉过你别挪它！瑞秋，比方说，我想挪动你妈妈，你说了不要，可我还是挪了，然后她的头掉了，你什么感觉？

Rachel

Okay, come on---Joey, I'll buy you a new one! All right? We'll go down to the store right now and we'll-we'll get you a new chair.

好了，拜托——乔伊，我给你买个新的！好吗？我们现在就去商店，我们给你弄个新椅子。

Joey

(slowly turning and glaring at her) She's not even cold yet!

（慢慢转身瞪着她）她还尸骨未寒呢！

Rachel

But don't you think Rosita would've wanted you to move on? I mean y'know, she did always put...your comfort first.

但是你不觉得罗塞塔会希望你向前看吗？我的意思是，她一直把让你舒服当成头等大事。

Joey

That's true.

那倒是真的。

(Rachel turns for the door and makes the "Wow!" face.)

（瑞秋转身走向门口，做出“哇！”的表情。）

Rachel

(grabbing her coat) Okay? You ready?

（抓起外套）好吗？准备好了吗？

Joey

Yeah, I... (Shuts off the TV.) I don't want Stevie to see her like this.

好，我……（关掉电视）我不想让斯蒂维看到她这个样子。

Ross

I can't believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some stranger's gonna be living in my room.

我不能相信，我们要和它说再见了，我们是在这房子里长大的。天啊，会有些陌生人住进我的房间。

Monica

Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, it's time the velvet ropes came down.

对，你都搬出去15年了，妈妈和爸爸还把它当神殿一样保留着。该是把神殿的天鹅绒绳放下来的时候了。

Ross

They kept your room for a while.

他们也把你房间保留了一段时间。

Monica

Oh please! Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out! I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogues, not a gym!

行了吧！我刚搬出去20分钟，爸爸就把我的房间改成了体操房！我得说，是一张蹦床和一堆内衣目录，不是体操房！

Ross

Come on, you know they love you.

算了吧，你知道他们是爱你的。

Monica

As much as they love you?

就象他们是爱你一样深？

Ross

I was their first born! They thought she was barren! It's not my fault.

我是他们的第一个孩子！他们本以为她不会怀孕的！这又不是我的错。

Phoebe

(entering) Hey.

（进来）嘿。

Ross

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Ugh, I hate this year!

哼，我恨这个年头！

Ross

What's wrong with this year?

这年头怎么了？

Phoebe

Well okay, it's already February and I've only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!

都已经二月了，可我只做过两次按摩，而且这两个都是世界上最吝啬小费的人！

Monica

That was me and Ross.

这两个人是我和罗斯。

Phoebe

Oh that's right!

哦，这就对了！

Ross

Hey, y'know if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.

嘿，你想不想靠额外的工作赚点钱？我有些朋友做电话销售赚了不少。

Monica

Oh that's a great idea. You're really good on the phone.

对，这个应该比我上一个电话工作好一些。

Phoebe

Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Y'know, I probably wouldn't have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)

我也许不应该总是说“打屁股”。（莫妮卡和罗斯很震惊。）

Ross

What?

什么？

Phoebe

Oh yeah, like you never called!

对，就象你从来没打过这种电话似的！

Supervisor

So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.

基本上，这很简单。按照手册说的去做，尽量卖出墨粉，越多越好。

Phoebe

Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.

好，我能干得很好！哦，顺便说一句，我喜欢我的办公室。

Supervisor

(laughs) Why don't we do a trial run.

（笑）我们试着做一遍好吗？

Phoebe

Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?

哦，好。嗯，好吧。（拿起电话，开始照着手册念）嗨，我是帝国办公设备公司的菲比，我能和你们的后勤经理谈谈吗？

Supervisor

I'm the supply manager.

我是后勤经理。

Phoebe

Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.

嗯，好，我们谈谈你们的墨粉需求吧。

Supervisor

We don't need any toner.

我们不需要墨粉。

Phoebe

Oh okay, well I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah you're right, this is easy.

哦，好吧，很抱歉打扰你。再见。（挂断电话）对，你说的没错，这很容易。

Supervisor

Okay, what was wrong with that call?

这个电话有什么问题吗？

Phoebe

Oh well, all right...um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.

哦，好吧……嗯，我不是指责你，不过你有点粗鲁。

Supervisor

They're always going to tell you they don't need toner, but that's okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.

他们总是会对你说他们不需要墨粉，但这没关系。因为无论他们怎么说，你都可以从这个手册上找到答案。

Phoebe

Oh.

哦。

Supervisor

So, I think you're ready to sell toner, do you have any last questions?

那么，我想你已经准备好卖墨粉了，最后还有什么问题吗？

Phoebe

No. (Pause) Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?

没有。（停顿）哦，等一下，有！我有个问题。墨粉是什么？

Chandler

Joey! Joe! (Sees that he's not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beer's still cold. Something terrible must've happened here! (He decides it's not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)

乔伊！乔！（发现他不在，开始查看。他拿起薯片袋）满满一袋。（他拿起啤酒）啤酒还是冰的。这儿一定发生了什么可怕的事情！（他觉得没那么重要；坐到罗塞塔上，椅背掉下来，他摔了个跟头。）哦 不-不-不-不-不-不！（跑到斯蒂维前）斯蒂维，我从来没来过这儿！（跑出去。）

Ross

Dad?

爸爸？

Mr. Geller

I'm here!

我在这儿！

Ross

(entering with Monica) Hey!

（和莫妮卡进来）嗨！

Mr. Geller

Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.

嗨，天啊，就像发生在昨天一样，你们跑来看我工作。

Ross

Dad, we-we can't believe you're selling the house.

爸爸，我们真难以相信你要把房子卖掉。

Mr. Geller

Well, it's time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.

好吧，该是一个新家庭在这儿开始他们的记忆的时候了，希望他们在发现地基的裂纹和天花板上的石棉之前，把房款付清。

Ross

(To Monica) Let's grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.

（对莫妮卡）拿上我们的东西赶紧走吧。

Mr. Geller

I'm sorry we can't store your childhood things anymore.

对不起，我们没法再保留你们童年时代的东西了。

Monica

Oh, that's okay, I can't wait to see everything again! All of the memories...

哦，没关系，我等不及要重新看到这一切了！所有的记忆……

Mr. Geller

Well, I don't know what's in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.

好吧，我不知道这些盒子里有什么，不过我直到有六七个玩具烤箱在阁楼。

Monica

I used to love to play restaurant.

我一直喜欢玩餐馆游戏。

Ross

Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.

对，不过你好像更喜欢玩生吃的游戏。

Monica

Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)

嘿，没有道理让孩子等着用电灯泡烤熟巧克力饼干。（她去阁楼。）

Mr. Geller

So, I think you're boxes are over here. (They walk over to them.)

那么，我想你的盒子在那边。（他们走过去。）

Ross

Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-who's cigarettes are these?

喔！太好了！（找到一包香烟）等一下，爸爸，这包香烟是谁的？

Mr. Geller

I don't know. They-they must be your mother's, but please, please don't ask her. I'll throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)

我不知道。应该是你母亲的。不过拜托，请别去问她。我会把它扔掉的。（他把香烟放进口袋，此时罗斯在自己的一个盒子里找到了有趣的东西。）

Ross

Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym...(He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!

酷！爸爸！我的成绩单！嘿，看看这个，爸爸，（读成绩）数学，A。自然，A。历史，A。体操……（放下成绩单，找到别的东西）喔，我的石器打磨工具！

Mr. Geller

Oh look, look there's your old makeup kit!

哦，看，看，这是你的旧化妆盒！

Ross

It's a clown kit! Clown kit!

这是小丑套装！小丑套装！

Mr. Geller

Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.

嗯-哦。

Ross

What?

什么？

Mr. Geller

Y'know how the garage floods every Spring?

你知道每年春天车库都会被水淹吗？

Ross

How are you ever going to sell this place?

你就是因为这个要卖房子？

Mr. Geller

I think I accidentally used Monica's boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.

我想我不小心用莫尼卡的盒子挡住了水，用来保护保时捷车。

Ross

Oh no. Dad! Dad! What...(He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God...everything's ruined! Dad, she's gonna be crushed!

哦不。爸爸！爸爸！怎么……（他去打开她的一个盒子，盒子裂开了。）哦天啊……所有东西都毁了！爸爸，她会被气疯的！

Mr. Geller

You don't secretly smoke do you?

你不偷偷抽烟吧？

Ross

No!

不！

Mr. Geller

So it's just your mother then.

那么只有你母亲这样。

Phoebe

(on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs. (She's reading from the script.)

（打电话）嗨，我是帝国办公设备公司的菲比，我能和你们的后勤经理谈谈吗？（听）厄尔，谢谢。（听）嗨，厄尔，我是帝国办公设备公司的菲比，我想和你谈谈你们的墨粉需求。（她在照着手册念。）

Earl

I don't need any toner.

我不需要墨粉。

Phoebe

I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.

我明白你的意思，不过知道我们的价格以后，每个人都会想要墨粉的。

Earl

Not me.

我不是。

Phoebe

May I ask why?

我可以问问为什么吗？

Earl

You wanna know why. You wanna know why?

你想知道为什么。你想知道为什么吗？

Phoebe

I surely do!

我当然想！

Earl

Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself.

好吧，我不需要墨粉，因为我打算自杀。

(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)

（菲比拼命想找到手册上应对这句话的回答。）

Phoebe

(doesn't have any luck) Umm, is-is that because you're out of toner?

（找不到）嗯，这是不是因为你没有墨粉了？

Commercial Break

广告时间

Earl

Okay, so...no toner today. Thanks anyway, bye-bye.

好吧，今天不需要墨粉。谢了，再见。

Phoebe

No-no wait-wait! I can't just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.

不-不，等等-等等！我不能让你就这么挂断电话！请继续和我说话。

Earl

Well...I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Today's Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.

自杀”。）我想我可以推迟再干。

Phoebe

Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?

好！那么，为什么你要自杀呢？

Earl

It's just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!

我只是嗯，已经为这个毫无意义的工作干了十年，却没有一个人能意识到我的存在！

Phoebe

Chandler?

钱德？

Earl

I-I'm sorry?

对不起，什么？

Phoebe

No look, I-I'm sure that people know you exist!

没什么，我肯定有人知道你的存在！

Earl

Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. I've been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no one's even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, I'm gonna kill myself! (There's no response; no one even looks up.) I'll get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.

哦是吗？我在一个小办公室工作，周围都是人。我已经跟你说了五分钟要自杀的事，都没一个人朝我这边看一眼。等一下。（对站在他隔间周围的人）嘿，你们大家！嗯，我打算要自杀！（没有反应，甚至没人抬头看一眼。）我一会儿再找你。（对菲比）什么反应都没有。等一下。（放下电话）呃，嘿，玛格！（模仿用枪指着头，扣动扳机，脑浆溅到身后的墙上。然后指着自己。玛格看着这一切，然后继续工作。）（对菲比）呃，没什么。没什么。

Chandler

My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! (He runs out the door, grabs the back of Rosita, and we can hear Joey and Rachel talking as they are coming up the stairs. Neither of them have reached the landing yet.)

我的好椅子。现在如果有人问起，你的名字叫罗塞塔！（他跑出门，抓起罗塞塔的椅背。我们能听到乔伊和瑞秋上楼时说话的声音。两人都还没到楼梯平台。）

Rachel

You will like it!

你会喜欢的！

Joey

No I won't.

不会。

(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)

（钱德跑去查看他们上楼的情况。）

Rachel

You don't even know!

你根本不知道！

Joey

Because, I know what I like and what I don't like! It's not the same thing!

因为我知道我喜欢什么和不喜欢什么！这不一样！

(Chandler throws the back of Rosita into his apartment and quickly starts pushing the base into his apartment.)

（钱德把罗塞塔的椅背扔进自己的公寓，然后迅速把椅座推进去。）

Rachel

Well look, if you don't like this...(The audience's laughter at Chandler's progress cuts out the rest of Rachel's line.)

好吧，如果你不喜欢这个……（观众对钱德进度的笑声盖过了瑞秋剩下的话。）

Joey

I don't know why you say that so soon.

我不知道你为什么这么快就下结论。

(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)

（乔伊和瑞秋到达楼梯平台，钱德刚好关上门。）

Rachel

Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, y'know what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.

来吧乔伊，我刚给你买了新椅子！而且是商店里最贵的一把！嘿，你知道我这么想吗？我们可以叫她弗兰塞特。

Joey

Francette? What is she? A couch?

弗兰塞特？她以为她是谁？沙发？

(They enter their apartment.)

（他们进入自己的公寓。）

Joey

Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.

可怜的东西。年纪轻轻就……

Rachel

Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Y'know, start the heeling process?

乔伊，新椅子一小时以后就到。也许我们应该把罗塞塔搬出去了，你知道，开始送去修理吗？

Joey

Well, I guess you're right. Maybe, maybe I'll take her down to the incinerator. It's gonna be so sad, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesn't come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) She's healed!

好吧，我想你是对的。也许，也许我把它送到焚化炉去。这很可悲，但也有点酷。（他去拆椅背，但拿不下来。于是他在椅子上坐下，把脚翘起来，站起来，回头看椅子。）她自己好了！

Rachel

That's weird.

这太奇怪了。

Joey

No it's not weird, it's a miracle!

不，这不奇怪，这是个奇迹！

Rachel

It's not a miracle Joey! I'm sure there's some explanation.

这不是奇迹，乔伊！我肯定应该有什么解释的。

Joey

Oh there is! If you want something enough and your heart is pure, wondrous things can happen!

对了，就是这样！如果你诚心诚意的想，奇迹就会发生！

Rachel

Joey, I really don't...

乔伊，我真的不……

Joey

(interrupting her) Can you tell me how this happened?

（打断她）你能告诉我这是怎么发生的吗？

Rachel

Well no.

好吧，不能。

Joey

Miracle!

奇迹！

Rachel

No, y'know what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something!

不，你知道吗？也许是有人进来把它修好了！或者别的什么！

Joey

Someone like an...angel?

像……天使那样的人？

Rachel

That's right Joey, the chair angel came in and healed your chair. (She sits down in the chair.)

没错乔伊，椅子天使进来把你的椅子治好了。（她在椅子上坐下。）

Joey

(angrily) Get your non-believer ass outta my chair! (She gets up and heads for her room.)

（生气地）把你这个不信教的屁股从我的椅子上挪开！（她站起来走向她的房间。）

Mr. Geller

Well, she'll understand right? It's not like I did it on purpose.

好吧，她应该能理解吧？我又不是故意这么做的。

Ross

Dad that won't matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.

爸爸，她才不管这些呢。看，我的东西都没事，都是干的，可她的东西全都不一样了！看吧，就是这样的事使她觉得你们爱我比爱她更深。

Mr. Geller

Oh my God, does she really thinks that?

哦天啊，她真的这么想？

Ross

Well, can you blame her?

是啊，你能怪她吗？

Mr. Geller

Well I don't know, I-I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously, you were a medical marvel! The doctor said your mother could...

好吧，我不知道，我想我们可能无意间对你更宠爱些，你是个医学奇迹！医生说你妈妈……

Ross

Dad, dad I don't want to hear about it.

爸爸，我不想听这个。

Mr. Geller

Really?

真的？

Ross

Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and damnit, we're gonna give her some! Okay, grab...grab some empty boxes. Okay? We'll-we'll take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers we'll-we'll put 'em in there.

好吧，现在不想。好吧，莫妮卡要过来找点回忆，该死的，我们得给她点什么！好吧，拿……拿几个空盒子来，好吗？我们从我的东西里找出点看起来象是她的，然后放进这些盒子里。

Mr. Geller

Great!

好主意！

Ross

Like uh y'know like this! This! (He picks up one of those art projects that kids make in kindergarten and first grade.) She-she could've made this!

就象，就象这个！这个！（他拿起一个幼儿园和一年级小孩做的手工作品）这……这可能是她做的！

Mr. Geller

Sure!

当然！

Ross

Right? And this! (He picks up a trophy) She-she could've won this!

对吧？还有这个！（他拿起一个奖杯）这可能是她赢的！

Mr. Geller

(grabbing a glove) This could've been hers!

（抓起一只手套）这可能是她的！

Ross

Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this?

当然！哦-哦，这个呢？

Mr. Geller

Your make-up kit? I'd feel better.

你的化妆盒？我感觉好点了。

(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monica's new boxes.)

（罗斯生气地把化妆盒扔进莫妮卡的一个新盒子里。）

Rachel

(grabbing a beer out of the chair's fridge) I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself!

（从椅子冰箱里拿出一瓶啤酒）我很高兴能把这张椅子留给自己！

Joey

Yeah, me too. (He flips up his armrest in disgust.)

对，我也是。（他厌恶地翻起扶手。）

Rachel

Hey, how's...how's the uh, miracle chair?

嘿，那把……那把奇迹椅子怎么样？

Joey

Fine.

挺好的。

Rachel

Yeah? Wow! Y'know, that this thing has speakers in the headrest!

是吗？哇！你知道这个椅子在头枕两侧有扬声器吗！

Joey

No. Really?

不。真的？

Rachel

Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio!

对！你可以在看电视和听广播的时候这样用！

Joey

(quietly) My chair heals itself.

（小声地）我的椅子能自己修好了她自己。

Phoebe

Earl, you're not hearing me! All I'm saying is that you're not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didn't mean him.)

厄尔，你没听我说！我只是说，你不是孤独的，好吗？每个人都讨厌和自己一起工作的人！（她的一个同事听到了，她比划着说不是指他。）

Guy

(walking past Earl's desk) Hey guy!

（走过厄尔的办公桌）嘿，伙计！

Phoebe

Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.

等等，那是什么？听起来像有人在对你好。

Earl

No! That's just the "Hey Guy" guy. He says that to everybody! He's the worst! I'd like to take him with me!

不！那就是“嘿伙计”那个人。他对每个人都这么说！他是最糟糕的！我想带着他一起走！

Phoebe

All right so Earl, let's just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-there's gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?

好吧，厄尔，让我们先忘记办公室里的人，好吗？你生活中会有其他的一些人，值得你和他们接触！你为什么不想想你的家庭，你的朋友，或者你的女友？

Earl

(laughs) Yeah! Right!

（笑）对！没错！

Phoebe

Oh sorry, boyfriend!

哦，对不起，男友！

Earl

Oh no.

哦，不。

Phoebe

No, whatever! Anything!

不，什么都行！

The "Hey Guy" Guy

Hey guy!

嘿伙计！

Phoebe

Yeah, he's gotta go.

对，他必须走。

Earl

Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. (Hangs up.)

好吧，我应该回到我自己的事情上去了。再见。（挂断。）

Phoebe

No! I'm not finished yet! Don't! Don't you dare hang up on me!!!

不！我还没说完呢！别！你竟然敢挂我的电话！！！

Supervisor

(walking by and overhearing that) (to the rest of the staff) The new girl's good.

（路过听到）（对其他员工）新来的姑娘挺厉害的嘛。

Monica

Hey guys! Hey!

嘿，你们俩！嘿！

Ross

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

Hey, I just whipped us up some Easy Bake treats, they should be ready in about three days.

嘿，我刚给我们做了一些玩具烤箱的点心，大概三天以后能好。

Mr. Geller

(overacting) That's a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days!

（夸张地表演）真棒！听到了吗罗斯？三天！

Ross

(overacting as well) Yeah! Yeah! (Laughs.) Oh, this will make a great memory.

（也同样夸张）对！对！（笑）哦，这会成为美好的回忆的。

Monica

(wary) Okay. So, which boxes are mine?

（警惕地）好，那么，哪些盒子是我的？

Ross

Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)

嗯，这些。这些是你的，就在这儿。（指着他们刚为她创造的盒子。）

Monica

Okay. (Starting to go through them) Oh! A coloring book! (Holding it up.)

好。（开始翻看）哦！一本图画书！（举起来。）

Ross

Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.

对。对，哦，你喜欢这东西。你总是把它带在身边。没有这本图画书你哪儿也不去。

Monica

(looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.

（翻看）真的？喔！看起来这一行有我的坏话。

Ross

Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)

嗯！（抓过来仔细看。）

Monica

(holding up a glove) Oh, an old glove?

（举起一只手套）哦，一只旧手套？

Mr. Geller

Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove.

哦，对，你喜欢那只手套！你去哪儿都带着它。没有那只手套你哪儿也不去。

Monica

Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I can't believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)

暴龙罗斯。）（她转过来看）哦，这是你的。（递给罗斯。）

Ross

Oh, I don't know how that got in there.

哦，不知道怎么弄到这里来了。

Monica

(holding up a small cowboy hat) This isn't mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isn't, this isn't my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?

（举起一顶小牛仔帽）这不是我的。（放下，看剩下的盒子）嘿，这不是，这不是我的东西！呃，罗斯！（抓起一个娃娃）这些是你的盒子！我的盒子在哪儿？

Ross

Umm, your boxes are umm...

嗯，你的盒子是嗯……

Monica

What?

什么？

Ross

Dad?

爸爸？

Mr. Geller

Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. I'm sorry.

车库淹水了，亲爱的，你盒子里所有的东西都毁了，我很抱歉。

Monica

Just mine?

只有我的？

Mr. Geller

I'm afraid so.

恐怕是的。

Monica

So why-why wasn't Ross's stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel I'm going to Easy Bake your head!

那为什么罗斯的东西没被毁掉？（停顿）如果你敢说“医学奇迹”这几个字，我就用玩具烤箱烤你的脑袋！

Mr. Geller

Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.

好吧，我用你的盒子挡住水，保护保时捷车。

Monica

So wait, Ross's stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!

等等，罗斯的东西是好的，我却一点回忆都没有了，就因为你要让你的车底下那两英寸不沾上水！！！

Mr. Geller

There was also leaves and guk and stuff.

还有树叶和其他东西。

Monica

I can't believe this! (Storms out.)

真难以置信！（冲出去。）

Mr. Geller

(To Ross) Screw it! I'm having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)

（对罗斯）不管了！我来一支。（拿出烟点上。）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Rachel

Hey Chandler!

嘿，钱德！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines, has a rolling massage, and speakers in the head rest?

你想不想坐在这样一张椅子上？它可以完全放倒，带滚动按摩，头枕两侧还有扬声器。

Chandler

Yeah, I'd love to but I've tried that so many times they won't even let me in the store anymore.

当然，我喜欢。但是我在店里上去试坐的次数太多了，现在他们都不让我进店了。

Rachel

Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment?

如果我告诉你，你可以到我的公寓里去坐，怎么样？

Chandler

(excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?

（兴奋地）你是在说，你买了那张休闲椅划时代的产品？被《坐》杂志评为年度最佳椅子的那个？

Rachel

I just purchased the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000.

我刚刚买了La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000。

Chandler

That's awesome! That's great! What made you do it?!

太好了！太棒了！你怎么会想到买它的？！

Rachel

Well, it's a long story, but umm I broke Joey's chair...

哦，这是个长故事了，嗯，我弄坏了乔伊的椅子……

Chandler

Whoa-whoa-whoa! You broke Joey's chair?

喔-喔-喔！你弄坏了乔伊的椅子？

Rachel

Yeah.

对。

Chandler

I thought I broke Joey's chair! That's why I replaced it with mine!

我以为是我弄坏了乔伊的椅子！所以我把自己的换过去了！

Rachel

Ohhhhh. That's how it got fixed!

哦——这就是为什么它被修好了！

Chandler

Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?

啊，你们怎么会这么想，难道是精灵过去修好的？

Rachel

Noo! (Laughs) Angels.

不！（笑）是天使。

Chandler

I'm gettin' my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachel's.)

我去把我的椅子弄回来！（走向乔伊和瑞秋的公寓。）

Rachel

What? Wh-hey!

什么？嘿！

(They enter Joey and Rachel's to find that Joey has broken Chandler's chair.)

（他们走进乔伊和瑞秋的公寓，发现乔伊弄坏了钱德的椅子。）

Joey

Well, it looks like it wasn't healed after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)

好吧，看来毕竟没有完全恢复好啊！对！那么，我想这椅子现在应该是我的了！（坐上去，呻吟。）

Chandler

Joey you broke my chair!!

乔伊，你弄坏了我的椅子！！

Joey

Your chair?!

你的椅子？！

Rachel

Yeah, he thought he broke your chair so he switched the chairs!

对，他以为是他弄坏的，所以把自己的换过来了！

Joey

So, there was no miracle?!

那么，这不是奇迹了？！

Rachel

No Joe, no miracle.

不，乔，不是奇迹。

Joey

(sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. I'm so glad I have the new chair to get me through this difficult time in my life.

（讽刺地）哦，不，这真是毁灭性的！我的信仰动摇了。很高兴我的新椅子能陪我度过生命中最艰难的时刻。

Rachel

Uh-huh! Nice try, but you don't get that chair anymore! All right? That is my chair now! You can sit on my lap! (Joey starts to get up.) No I take that back!

嗯哼！想得美，但你不能再得到那把椅子了！好吗？那把椅子现在是我的了！你可以坐在我腿上！（乔伊开始站起来）不，我收回那句话！

Chandler

I think I should get the chair!

我想我应该得到这把椅子！

(Rachel and Joey both laugh at that suggestion.)

（瑞秋和乔伊都对这个建议大笑起来。）

Joey

How do you figure?

你怎么想出来的？

Chandler

Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasn't broke a chair, is me!

因为你（指向乔伊）弄坏了一把椅子，你（指向瑞秋）也弄坏了一把椅子！这里唯一没有弄坏椅子的人，是我！

Rachel

No-no-no! This chair's not going anywhere.

不-不-不！这把椅子哪儿也不去。

Chandler

Well, where's the logic in that?!

那有什么逻辑可言？！

Rachel

The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!

逻辑就是，我们两个人，而且我们都强壮得能把椅子掰成两半！

Chandler

So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing!

所以乔伊弄坏了我的椅子，我却什么都得不到！

(Joey whispers in Rachel's ear to confirm his response.)

（乔伊在瑞秋耳边低语，确认他的回答。）

Joey

That's right!

没错！

Chandler

What are you guys? Like a gang or something?!

你们算什么？像黑帮之类的吗？！

(They confer again.)

（他们又商量了一下。）

Joey

Yeah! We are!

对！我们是！

(Rachel whispers in Joey's ear.)

（瑞秋在乔伊耳边低语。）

Rachel

We're the Cobras!

我们是眼镜蛇帮！

Phoebe

(to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? He's the supply manager around here.

（对玛格）打扰了！你能告诉我哪儿能找到厄尔吗？他是这里的后勤经理。

Marge

Sorry, I don't know any Earl.

对不起，我不认识什么叫厄尔的。

Earl

(screaming) I'm right here!!!!

（大喊）我就在这儿！！！！

Phoebe

(goes over to his desk) Earl! I'm Phoebe.

（走到他桌前）厄尔！我是菲比。

Earl

Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?

菲比？卖墨粉的女士？

Phoebe

Umm, look it, you-you can't kill yourself.

嗯，听我说，你不能自杀。

Earl

(exhales) Look, um I really appreciate your coming down...

（叹气）听着，我真的很感激你来这里……

Phoebe

No-no I can't! I can't let you do it!

不-不，我不能！我不能让你这么做！

Earl

Why?!

为什么？！

Phoebe

Because it was fate that made me call you today!

因为是命运让我今天给你打的这个电话！

Earl

I thought it was toner.

我以为是墨粉。

Phoebe

No! Think about it okay? This isn't even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, you're my first call! And-and somebody else might've hung up on you, but I wouldn't do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.

不！想想看……这并不是平常的工作！是吧？我第一天干这个工作，你是我打的第一个电话！而且别人可能就把电话挂了，但我不会，因为我经历过这样的事。我妈妈就是自杀的。

Earl

Really?!

真的？！

Phoebe

Yes.

对。

Earl

How?

她怎么做的？

Phoebe

I'm not gonna give you tips! Look don't you see that this-this...this all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.

我才不会给你提示自杀方法呢！你难道没发现吗？这一切都是为了让我来阻止你证明做。

Earl

Couldn't it just be a coincidence?

为什么不能是巧合呢？

Phoebe

No, it's fate!

不，这是命运！

Earl

It doesn't really seem like enough to be fate.

好象还没有命运那么严重吧。

Phoebe

Oh. Well umm, okay here's a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.

哦。好吧，嗯，还有些怪事。我母亲也是后勤经理。

Earl

I'm actually the office manager.

我实际上是办公室经理。

Phoebe

Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.

额天啊！她也是！而且！听听这个，好吗？你的名字是厄尔，对吧？她的名字是珀尔，帕-厄尔。

Earl

Well, was there anything else?!

好，还有什么其他的？！

Phoebe

Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?

当然！（想了想）嗯，你是哪里人？

Earl

Philadelphia.

费城。

Phoebe

Oh my God! So was she! Oh, I've got-I've got goose bumps. (She holds out her arm.)

哦天啊！她也是！哦，我起……我起鸡皮疙瘩了。（她伸出胳膊。）

Earl

(inspecting it) Really?

（查看）真的？

Phoebe

Well, y'know I'm wearing layers and it's warm.

我穿的比较多，为了暖和一点。

Earl

Yeah-yeah.

对对。

Phoebe

But if---no look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!

但是，听着，这些混蛋可能不在乎你，但是宇宙在乎！就是说很多人！

Earl

(To All) Did you hear that?! I don't need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished they'd care just a little bit though.

（对所有人）你们听到了吗？！我不需要你们这些家伙在乎我！因为宇宙在乎！整个宇宙！（大笑，所有人都无视他）（对菲比）我真的希望他们能多关心一点点。

Phoebe

Y'know, I don't-I don't think it's you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, it's you.

哦，真是太可怕了！所有东西都毁了！看这个。我保留这个肯定有什么纪念意义，可现在我都不知道这个是什么！哦，它还是这么软。你觉得这是什么？好吧，我想这是只老鼠。

Earl

Yeah.

对。

Monica

Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I don't even know what it is! Ohh, it's still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?

哦，真是太可怕了！所有东西都毁了！看这个。（她捡起一个毛茸茸的东西）我保留这个肯定有什么纪念意义，可现在我都不知道这个是什么！哦，它还是这么软。（她在脸颊上蹭了蹭）你觉得这是什么？

Ross

All right. I think it was a mouse.

好吧。我想这是只老鼠。

(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Ross's sweater to clean them.)

（莫妮卡尖叫，把老鼠扔掉，在罗斯的毛衣上擦手。）

Mr. Geller

(entering) How are you honey?

（进来）你怎么样，亲爱的？

Monica

How do you think I am?! You've wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!

你觉得我怎么样？！你毁了我全部的童年记忆。你爱罗斯比我深。而且我刚刚把一只死老鼠贴在自己脸上！

(Ross gets up to let his dad sit next to Monica.)

（罗斯站起来让爸爸坐到莫妮卡旁边。）

Mr. Geller

Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened and I'd probably never be able to make it up to you, but here's a start. (He hands her a small box.)

甜心，我爱你就象爱罗斯一样！发生的这一切我很抱歉，我可能从来没对你特别好过，但是这个算是开始吧。（他递给她一个小盒子。）

Monica

(opening it) What's this?

（打开）这是什么？

Mr. Geller

It's the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.

这是我保时捷车的钥匙。对，你的保时捷车的钥匙。

Monica

(shocked) What?!

（震惊）什么？！

Ross

(even more shocked) What?!!!

（更震惊）什么？！！！

Mr. Geller

I've been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mother's right, I do look like an ass.

我早就想把它送出去了。有一次我开着它，在商店的橱窗里看到了我的样子。你妈妈是对的，我看起来象个傻瓜。

Monica

Wait, you're giving me your Porsche, you're kidding me right?!

等一下，你要把你的保时捷车给我，你没开玩笑？！

Ross

Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!

好吧，等等等等，等一下！我是说，就几个破盒子被弄湿了，她就得到了保时捷？！

Mr. Geller

(To Monica) Why don't we take it for a spin?

（对莫妮卡）我们出去兜兜风怎么样？

Monica

All right!

好！

Ross

Well, what about me?! I'm a medical marvel!!

好吧，那我呢？我可是医学奇迹啊！！

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Joey

Oh yeah.

哦耶。

Rachel

Ahhhh....

啊……

Joey

Ahhh...... (To Rachel) Eh?

啊……（对瑞秋）嗯？

Rachel

Uh-huh.

嗯哼。

Monica

(entering) Hey guys!

（进来）嘿，你们俩！

Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

Do you guys know what happened to Chandler's barca lounger?

你们俩知道钱德的躺椅出什么事了吗？

Rachel

Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.

哦对，乔伊把它弄坏了，已经扔掉了。

Monica

Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca lounger's gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)

你没开玩笑？！我得到了保时捷而且躺椅被扔掉了？！这真是最好的一天！（跑出去。）

End

结束