The One With Rachel's Assistant

Mac

(on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives don't mix.

Mac：（电视上）C.H.E.E.S.E.，今天我们学到的一件事情就是啦啦队和高爆炸药互不相溶。

C.H.E.E.S.E

You can say that again Mac.

C.H.E.E.S.E.：说得没错，Mac。

Mac

Well, I couldn't have done it without you buddy. You're a genius.

Mac：兄弟，幸好有你帮忙，我才搞得掂。你真是个天才。

C.H.E.E.S.E

Oh yeah? Well then how come I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?

C.H.E.E.S.E.：哦，真的？那我的录像机总是闪烁着12:00，我怎么死活修不好？

(They both break into a huge laugh and do that stop motion thing they had at the end of ChiPs.)

（两人爆发出大笑，做了《霹雳骑警》片尾那种定格动作。）

Joey

(laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?

（笑着关掉电视）嗯，你们觉得怎么样？

(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)

（大家都做出开心的表情，但无法用语言表达感受。最后电话响了，莫妮卡抢先接起。）

Monica

(on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, it's your mom. (Hands him the phone.)

（打电话）喂？（听）请稍等。乔伊，是你妈妈。（把电话递给他。）

Chandler

It's your mommy. It's your mommy.

你妈咪，你妈咪哦。

Ross

Ohhhh...

噢……

Rachel

That's nice.

你妈妈真好。

Joey

(on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what they're gonna say.)

（打电话）妈，你觉得怎么样？（他走开，让大家有机会想想该怎么说。）

Rachel

Well that was umm...Okay.

呃……还不错。

Ross

It wasn't the best.

说不上是最好……

Chandler

That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.

这是简直有史以来最差的玩艺！还不仅仅是在电视上。

Monica

Wh-what are we gonna tell him?

我，我们怎么对他说啊？

Ross

Well, the lighting was okay.

嗯，灯光效果不错。

Rachel

Ohh no you don't! You got lighting last time, lighting is mine!

噢，不，你不能说！你上次就说过灯光了，这回灯光归我了！

Monica

And I have costumes.

我说服装。

Ross

Oh great! That means I'm stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin' right here! Whoa!"

“嘿，我们一边看着你在那儿，而你大活人就坐在这儿！哇噢！”

(Phoebe gets up.)

（菲比站起来。）

Rachel

What are you gonna do Pheebs?

你打算怎么办啊？Pheebs？

Phoebe

I don't know. I don't know. I can't lie to him again. Oh no I---no! I'm just gonna press my breasts up against him.

我不知道，我不知道。我不能再骗他了。噢 不！我——不！我决定干脆托起胸部靠在他身上。

Chandler

And say nothing?

什么也不说？

Phoebe

Uh-huh, yeah that's right.

嗯，对，没错。

Joey

(hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.)

（挂断电话）哇噢！看来我家里人还真是喜欢我的表演！嗯，你们，你们几个觉得如何？（菲比笑着走过去，把胸部靠在他身上。）

Joey

It wasn't that good.

还没好到那个地步吧！

Opening Credits

片头

Monica

Phoebe, do you think that your favorite animal says much about you?

菲比，你相信从你最爱的动物上能看出你的人格吗？

Phoebe

What? You mean behind my back?

什么？你是说在我后面？

Rachel

(entering, excitedly) Oh! Hi you guys, oh my God! You'll never gonna believe happened to me today! I am sitting in my office and...

（兴奋地进来）哦！嗨各位，哦天哪！你们绝对不会相信今天在我身上发生了什么！我正在办公室里面坐着，然后……

Joey

(entering from bathrooms excitedly) You guys! You guys! You're not gonna believe what my agent just told me!

（从洗手间方向兴奋地进来）各位！各位！你们绝对不会相信我经纪人刚刚告诉了我什么！

Rachel

Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here!

乔伊！我这边刚说了一半！

Joey

Ooh, sorry. Sorry. You finish, go.

哦，对不起。你先说完，说吧。

Rachel

Okay, so anyway I'm sittin' in my office and guess who walks in.

好，嗯，我正坐在办公室里，猜猜谁走近来了？

Joey

I'm gonna be on two TV shows!

我要同时演两个电视剧了！

Monica and Phoebe

Oh, that's great!!

哦，太棒了！

Rachel

Joey!

乔伊！

Joey

Oh, you weren't finished?

呃，你还没说完？

Rachel

Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office!

说完了——我故事的结尾就是“猜猜谁进了我的办公室”。（对莫妮卡和菲比）是Ralph Lauren！（莫妮卡和菲比倒吸气）Ralph Lauren走进了我的办公室！

Joey

Uh Rach, if you're gonna start another story, at least let me finish mine.

呃，Rach，要是你想开讲另一个故事，至少先让我说完啊。

Rachel

It's the same story.

还是同一个故事呢。

Joey

(groans in disgust) Wow, it's really long.

（厌恶地呻吟）哇噢，真够长的。

Rachel

(ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that he's so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.

（不理他）反正，Ralph走进来对我说，他对我的工作很满意，他要我当Polo牌子零售的销售经理！

Monica

Still get a discount on wedding dresses?

婚纱折扣还有吧？

Rachel

Yeah!

对！

Monica

I'm so happy for you!

我真太为你高兴了！

Joey

Well, these really are the days of our lives.

呃，这还真是“我们的每日生活”啊。

Monica

What?!

什么？！

Joey

Well, since you ask. They want me back on Days of Our Lives!

嗯，既然你们问我。他们想让我重回“我们的每日生活”！

Phoebe

(gasps) Oh God!

（倒吸气）噢，天啊！

Rachel

I got---I get a big pay raise!

我还得了——我还有大幅加薪！

Phoebe

Oh hey!

噢 嘿！

Joey

I'll be playing Drake Remoray's twin brother, Stryker!

我要演的是Drake Remoray的孪生兄弟，Stryker！

Monica

Oooh!

噢～！

Rachel

I get to hire my own assistant!

我还要雇一个我自己的助理！

Monica and Phoebe

Ahhh!!

啊～！！

Joey

(jumps up) Well---I got a head rush from standing up to fast right there.

（跳起来）呃——站得太猛，有点头昏。

Rachel

(reading the resume) And you were at this job for four years?

（看简历）你做这行已经4年了？

Hilda

That's right.

Hilda：对。

Rachel

Okay, well this is all very impressive Hilda, um I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did I do? Was this okay?

好，Hilda，这些都很出色，嗯，我还有最后一个问题。呃，我刚才表现怎么样？还行？

Hilda

What?

Hilda：什么？

Rachel

I've never interviewed anyone before. I've actually never had anyone work for me before. Although when I was a kid, we did have a maid, but this is-this isn't the same thing.

我以前还从来没有面试过别人呢。其实我以前手下没有人。尽管我小的时候，我家确实有个女佣，但是，这，这还不是一回事。

Hilda

No dear. It's not.

Hilda：不是，亲爱的。当然不是。

Rachel

No. Yeah, and I know that. All right, well thank you so much for coming in it was nice to meet you.

不是。对，我知道。好，呃，非常感谢您能过来，见到您很高兴。

Hilda

Thank you! Good meeting you.

Hilda：谢谢！见到你很高兴。

Rachel

All right. (Hilda exits) I'm a total pro!

好啦。（Hilda出去）我真是显得太职业了！

(There's a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.)

（有人敲门，一个英俊的男人走进来。）

Man

Hello?

你好？

Rachel

(seeing him) Wow! H-umm! Hi! Yes, uh I'm sorry the models are actually down the hall.

（看见他）哇噢！嗯！Hi！是，呃，对不起，模特们应该在走廊那边。

Man

Actually, I'm here about the assistant job.

其实，我来是为了应聘助理。

Rachel

Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so what's---what is---what's your name?

真的？！（接过他的简历）好，那，好，那就坐吧。呃，你叫，叫，你叫什么名字？

Man

Tag Jones.

Tag Jones。

Rachel

Uh-huh, go on.

嗯，继续。

Tag

That's it. That's my whole name.

Tag：没了。这就是我的全名。

Rachel

That's your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well let's-let's just have a look-see here. (Looking at his resume)

你的全名，对，当然就是了！好，嗯，我们，我们来看看——这儿。（看他的简历）

Tag

I know I haven't worked in an office before, and I really don't have a lot of experience, but uh...

Tag：我知道我没在办公室里面上过班，而且我没有什么经验，但是，呃……

Rachel

Oh come on, what are you talking about? You've got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Friday's, come on!

喔，拜托，你说什么哪？你有3年的粉刷房屋经验，T.G.I. Friday's干过两个夏天，拜托啊！

Tag

It's lame, I know. But I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn...

Tag：那很烂，我知道。但我是个追求结果的人，非常的好学……

Rachel

Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) I'm sorry, it's for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?

好吧，你先等一下。（她从桌子里拿出相机给他拍了张照片。）对不起，这是给人事部用的，人人都得拍。你能站起来吗？

Chandler

No-no-no-no. (Waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other.) Hey! (Monica shushes him.)

不，不，不，不。（挥手赶他走，莫妮卡和菲比进来互相耳语。）嘿！（莫妮卡嘘他。）

Phoebe

(To Monica) Anyway, I should go. Okay, bye.

（对莫妮卡）不论如何吧，我得走了。好，再见。

Monica

(To Chandler) Hey sweetie.

（对钱德）嘿，亲爱的。

Chandler

Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering?

Hi 亲爱的。嗯，你们刚才说什么悄悄话呢？

Monica

I can't tell you. It's a secret.

我不能告诉你，这是秘密。

Chandler

Secret? Married people aren't supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another.

秘密？结了婚的人之间不应该有秘密吧。我们深爱对方，相敬如宾。

Monica

Awww. (Kisses him.) But still no.

噢～。（吻他）还是不行。

Chandler

No I'm serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you.

不，我是认真的，我们应该告诉对方一切。我对你没有任何秘密。

Monica

Really? Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross Junior year at Disneyland?

真的吗？好，那你怎么不告诉我Ross大三时在迪斯尼乐园出了什么事？

Chandler

Oh no-no, I can't do that.

噢，不，不，我可不能这么干。

Monica

If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said.

你要是告诉我，我就告诉你刚才Phoebe说什么。

Chandler

Okay.

好吧。

Monica

Okay.

好。

Chandler

So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.

嗯，那天Ross和我去迪斯尼乐园半路停在一家餐馆吃玉米卷。我所说的“餐馆”，就是一个人、一个炭火盆，还有他的汽车厢。然后Ross就吃掉了大概10个玉米馅饼，就这样，我们在“太空山”上的时候，Ross开始觉得有点不对劲。

Monica

Oh my God. He threw up?

噢，天。他吐了？

Chandler

No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebe's secret?

不，他去的是个比“吐”还靠下面的小地方。（莫妮卡狂笑）好了，Phoebe的秘密是什么？

Monica

Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired.

哦，Phoebe过去在按摩院的同事Nancy Thompson被解雇了。

Chandler

That's it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that?

这就完了？！我就拿我的迪斯尼故事换了这个？

Monica

That's right! You lose sucker!! (Pause) Please still marry me.

太对了！你个笨笨。（停顿）求你别抛弃我。

Rachel

Chandler, you have an assistant right?

Chandler，你有个助理，是吧？

Chandler

(angrily) Did she call? You-you told her I was sick right? Always tell her I am sick!

（生气地）她打电话了？你，你告诉她我病了是吧？不管什么时候都告诉她，我病了！

Rachel

No, I-I just don't know how you decide who to hire. I mean I've got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then there's this guy...

不，我——我只是不能决定到底雇谁。我是说，我已经把范围缩小到了两个人。他们中的一个有很好的推荐信，还有很多经验，然后另外一个人是这个……

Chandler

What about him?

他怎么样？

Rachel

I love him. He's so pretty I wanna cry! I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do.

我爱死他了。他帅得我都想哭了！我不知道怎么办了。告诉我应该怎么办。

Phoebe

Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You don't hire an assistant because they're cute, you hire them because they're qualified.

别逗了，你知道应该怎么办！雇第一个啊！你雇个助理可不是因为他们帅，你雇他们是因为他们够资格。

Rachel

Uh-huh. No, I hear what you're saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? (Takes out his picture.) Look how pretty!

啊哈。不，我听见你说的话了，而，而且说得非常的对，但是我能不能再说一句？（拿出他的照片）看看他有多帅！

Phoebe

Let's see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh... But no! No! You can't-you can't hire him, because that---it's not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)

我看看。（看照片）噢，天！噢……但还是不！你不能雇他。因为那——这可不够专业。嗯，这是给我的吗？谢了。（把照片放进口袋。）

Rachel

Okay you're right. I'll hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb old perfect for the job Hilda!

好吧，你是对的。我明天雇Hilda吧。老痴呆的该职位绝佳人选Hilda！

Chandler

Let me see this guy. (Phoebe hands him the picture.) W-H-Wow! Don't show this to Monica! And don't tell her about the W-H-Wow!

让我看看这人。（菲比把照片递给他）哇——噢！别让Monica看这个！还有别告诉她“哇——噢”的事！

Terry

Hey-hey-hey Joey!

Terry：嘿－嘿－嘿，Joey！

Joey

Hey Terry!

嘿，Terry！

Terry

Good to see you again!

Terry：又见到你真高兴！

Joey

It's been a while, huh? Wow, it's funny these halls look smaller then they used to.

好久不见了，哈？哇，真奇怪这些房间看上去比以前小了啊。

Terry

It's a different building.

Terry：这是另一栋楼了。

Joey

So! Stryker Remoray huh? When do you want me to start?

哦！Stryker Remoray是吧？你想让我什么时候开始？

Terry

Why don't we start right now!

Terry：现在就开始吧！

Joey

Okay.

好。

Terry

Here are the audition scenes. (Holds out the script.)

Terry：这是试演的场景。（递出剧本。）

Joey

(looking between the pages and him) Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part.

（看看剧本又看看他）试演？我以为你是打算给我这个角色。

Terry

Why would you think that?

Terry：你怎么会这么想？

Joey

Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Stryker's twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?

呃，我以前是Drake Remoray医生，Stryker的孪生兄弟啊。我是说，还有谁能比我更像我呢，对吧？

Terry

Everybody has to audition.

Terry：每个人都得试演。

Joey

Y'know Terry, I-I don't really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.

Terry你知道，我——我不是非得要演这个。我有我自己的有线电视剧，和个机器人一起。

Terry

I'm sorry Joey that's...that's the way it is.

Terry：对不住，Joey，这……这是规矩。

Joey

Well. I guess you think you're pretty special huh? Sittin' up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin' stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well y'know what? (Throws the script away) This is one star who's hoop... This is a star that the hoop---this hoop---I was Dr. Drake Remoray!

好。我想你是觉得你很特殊是吧？你就在这漂亮小楼里好好坐着吧。让大明星们给你演钻圈玩？哈？你知道吗？（扔了剧本）这个明星就是圈……这明星就是那个圈……这个圈……我原来就是Drake Remoray医生！

Rachel

Hi! Tag. What are you doing here?

Hi！Tag。你在这干嘛呢？

Tag

I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there aren't any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first... (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office.

Tag：我是想过来谢谢你，昨天没有当面笑话我。我还注意到你办公室里面没有植物，所以我是想给你你的第一盆……（注意到她的植物）你的办公室里面有一盆植物啊。

Rachel

Kinda.

就算是吧。

Tag

Right. So I guess I shouldn't put good at noticing stuff on my resume. (Sets the plant down on her desk.)

Tag：对。看来我不应该在简历上面写上“擅于观察”。（把植物放在她桌上。）

Rachel

Oh-ohh, thank you.

哦，哦，谢谢。

Tag

Anyway, I'm guessing you hired somebody.

Tag：嗯，我在想你是不是已经雇了人。

Rachel

Well...

呃……

Tag

Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me. (Starts to leave.)

Tag：知道了。再次谢谢你见了我。（准备离开。）

Rachel

But I hired you!

但是我雇了你！

Tag

What?

Tag：什么？

Rachel

Yeah! You-you got the job! You're my new assistant!

对！你——你得到这个工作了！你是我的新助理！

Tag

I am?!

Tag：我？！

Rachel

Yeah!

对！

Tag

I can't believe it!

Tag：我简直不能相信！

Rachel

Me either. Umm, all right, first thing I need you to do is go downstairs and find a women named Hilda and tell her to go home.

我也是。嗯，好啦，我要你做的第一件事就是到楼下去，找到一个叫Hilda的女人，让她回家。

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

Hey! Good, you're home!

嘿！好，你在家啊！

Chandler

Oh it's always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!"

哦，比起“噢，见鬼，又是你！”，这永远那么动听。

Monica

Hey baby. (Kisses him.)

嘿，宝贝儿。（吻他。）

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

I made you a surprise.

我有个惊喜给你。

Chandler

Oh yeah?

哦，真的？

Monica

Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story I've had such a craving for them.

嗯，玉米馅饼！自从你告诉我那个故事以后，我就一直特想吃玉米馅饼。

Chandler

Did you not understand the story?

你是不是没听明白那个故事啊？

Ross

(entering) Hey!

（进来）嘿！

Chandler

Hey! What's up?

嘿！怎么样？

Monica

Ross!

Ross！

Ross

Oh, nothin' much. Just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for dinner.

哦，没什么。只是在考虑我晚上吃什么。

Chandler

Huh.

哈。

Ross

(notices the table) Hey---Ooh! What's-what's that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?

（注意到桌子）嘿——哦！那，那是什么啊，晚饭？今天你做饭？

Chandler

No! (The oven dings.) Shhh!

不是！（烤箱叮一声）嘘……！

Ross

What you got over there? Tacos?

那放的是什么东西？玉米馅饼？

Monica

No! No. They're umm... They're just uh...ground beef smileys. (Holding up one of the shells.)

不！不。那是，呃……那只是，呃……绞牛肉笑美丽。（举起一个壳。）

Ross

Uhh, those are tacos.

啊，那就是玉米馅饼。

Monica

Excuse me Mr. Mexico.

不好意思，墨西哥先生。

Ross

Eh, either way I'll pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still can't eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) What's so funny?!

呃，不管怎么说吧，我不吃了。（小声对钱德）我还是不能吃那个。（莫妮卡从冰箱里拿东西，开始笑起来）什么那么好笑？！

Monica

(trying not to laugh) I'm not laughing.

（忍着不笑）我没笑啊。

(Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.)

（罗斯和钱德走近她，她又笑起来。）

Ross

(To Chandler) You told her!

（对钱德）你告诉她了！

Chandler

Nancy Thompson's getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)

Nancy Thompson被解雇了！（莫妮卡拍他肩膀。）

Ross

(To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! It's not like I choose to do it! It's not like---It's not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"

“啊，这次怎么才能玩得更爽呢？！”

Monica

You're right. I mean I'm sorry. Yeah, I shouldn't be laughing. I should be laying down papers for you! (Runs off laughing which gets Chandler laughing.)

你说的对。我是说，对不起。对，我不应该笑。我应该提前给你在下面垫几张纸！（笑着跑开，钱德也笑起来。）

Ross

(To Chandler) How could you tell her?!

（对钱德）你怎么能告诉她？！

Chandler

I had too okay?! We're getting married! Married couples can't keep secrets from one another!

我必须告诉她，好不好？我们就要结婚了！夫妻之间不应该保有秘密！

Ross

Oh really? Well I-I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.

哦，是吗？那我——我猜Monica应该知道大西洋城的事。

Chandler

Du-ude!

大哥！

Monica

(running up to Ross) What happened in Atlantic City?!

（跑到罗斯面前）在大西洋城怎么了？！

Ross

Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...

嗯，Chandler和我在一个酒吧里面……

Chandler

Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude?!"

你没听见我说“大哥”啊？！

Ross

And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with...girls.

有个女孩向Chandler抛媚眼，好不好？所以过了一阵他——他就向她走过去，然后呃，一两分钟之后，我看见他们在接吻。我现在知道你在想什么，Chandler不是那种随便到酒吧去和女孩亲热的的人，而且你是正确的，Chandler确实不是那种到酒吧去和“女孩”亲热的人。

Monica

(To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God.

（对钱德）你亲了个男的？！！噢，天啊！

Chandler

In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.

我得辩解，当时很暗，而且他确实是个帅哥。

Ross

Oh Mon, I laughed so hard...

哦，Mon，我当时笑得不行了……

Chandler

Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again?

喔，喔，是不是因为我们不得不把你的内裤再扔掉啊？

Ross

Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.

随便你吧，老兄，你亲了个男的！

Commercial Break

广告时间

Rachel

Hi!

Hi！

Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Phoebe

Hey---Ooh, how's Hilda? Is she working out?

嘿——哦，Hilda怎么样？她干得还行？

Rachel

Ohh, my new assistant is working out, yes.

哦，我的新助理干得不错，对。

Joey

Was she happy you gave her the job?

你给她工作她高兴吗？

Rachel

Oh, my-my new assistant has very happy that I hired my new assistant.

哦，我，我的新助理非常高兴我雇了个新助理。

(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)

（电话铃响，乔伊接起。）

Joey

(on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) It's the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next week's script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like they're taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) We're not even shootin' them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!

（打电话）喂？（听）哦，嘿！您……请您稍等一下？（对菲比和瑞秋）是“Mac和C.H.E.E.S.E.”的制片人。你们等我一会。（打电话）嘿，你打过来就好了。我正等着下星期的剧本呢。（听）取消了？！（听）就是说他们不播了？（听）哦。（听）好吧，星期一见。（听）我们连拍也不拍了？！（听）好吧，再见！（挂断）他们把“Mac和C.H.E.E.S.E”取消了！

Phoebe

Sorry.

对不起。

Rachel

I'm sorry Joey.

对不起，Joey。

Joey

Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?!

他们为什么要那么干？！这是个好电视剧，是不是？！

(Phoebe and Rachel both pause, look at each other, and go press their breasts against him. Which Joey doesn't mind, of course.)

（菲比和瑞秋都停顿了一下，互相看看，走过去把胸部靠在他身上。当然，乔伊并不介意。）

Chandler

You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!

你想说秘密？！好！好！在大学里，Ross穿过暖腿套！

Ross

All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won!

好啊！好！Chandler参加了个“瓦尼拉·艾斯酷似面孔赛”，还赢了！

Chandler

Ross came in forth and cried!

Ross得的第四名，还哭了！

Monica

Oh my God! (Laughing)

噢，天啊！（笑）

Ross

Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too!

哦，这好玩吗？！哦，你觉得这好玩？！好吧，也许Chandler也想知道点你的秘密！

Monica

I-I already told him everything! (Threateningly) You shush!!

我——我已经告诉他所有事了！（威胁地）你省省把！！

Ross

Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made.

有一次Monica没吃饭就被送回了她房间，她就在她首饰盒里面做通心粉吃掉了。

Monica

Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!

Ross从前每星期六夜里都不睡觉，等着看“金发女郎”！

Ross

Monica couldn't tell time 'til she was 13!

Monica在13岁之前都不会看时间！

Monica

It's hard for some people!

对有些人就是困难！

Chandler

(To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wow---whoa!

（对莫妮卡）当然困难了。（对罗斯用口型）哇噢？哇啊！

Monica

Chandler one time wore my underwear to work!

Chandler有一次穿我的内衣去上班！

Chandler

Hey!!!

嘿！！！

Monica

Ohh, I'm sorry I couldn't think of anymore for Ross!

哦，对不起，我想不出更多Ross的秘密了！

Ross

Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!

哦！哦！在大学的时候，一次Chandler喝醉了就和打扫我们房间的女工上了床！

Chandler

That was you!

那是你！

Ross

Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.

不管怎么样吧，老兄，你亲了个男的。

Joey

How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin'!

这怎么会发生在我身上？！昨天我还有两个电视剧！今天，我什么都没了！

Rachel

Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives?

等等，“我们的每日生活”出了什么问题？

Joey

Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there.

呃，他们可能有点生我的气。

Phoebe

What happened?

怎么了？

Joey

Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go.

呃，也许我有点急了，也许我还告诉他们哪凉快哪呆着。

Rachel

Joey, why would you do that?

Joey，你为什么要那么做啊？

Joey

Because they wanted me to audition!

因为他们想让我做试演！

Phoebe

You! An actor?! That's madness!

让你？！一个演员？！那简直太疯狂了！

Tag

Rachel Green's office. (Hangs up.)

Tag：Rachel Green的办公室。（挂断。）

Rachel

Tag? (He turns and looks at her.) Hi, who was that?

Tag？（他转过来看她）Hi，是谁？

Tag

(shyly) Nobody. I was just practicing.

Tag：（害羞地）没谁。我就是练练。

Rachel

Really? (Giggles.)

是吗？（咯咯笑）

(Phoebe rounds the corner.)

（菲比从拐角走过来。）

Phoebe

Hi!

Hi！

Tag

Hi! Rachel Green's office.

Tag：Hi！Rachel Green的办公室。

Phoebe

You must be Hilda.

你一定是Hilda。

Rachel

Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.)

是啊，这是Tag。Tag，这是Phoebe。Phoebe，我能和你说句话吗？（走进办公室。）

Tag

Phoebe! That's a great name.

Tag：Phoebe！是个好名字！

Phoebe

Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.

哦，你喜欢？你应该再听听我的电话号码哦。

Rachel

(grabbing Phoebe) Okay. We'll be right back. (They go into her office and she closes the door.)

（抓住菲比）好啦。我们一会就回来。（她们走进她的办公室，关上门。）

Phoebe

So you hired yourself a little treat did ya?

嘿，你还真是给自己上了盘小菜，是吧？

Rachel

All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but I'm telling you...

好啦，Pheebs，我知道，我知道这看上去如何，但是我告诉你……

Phoebe

But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant.

但是，但是你知道你不能和你的助理搞在一起。

Rachel

Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that I've ever done. But I'm telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional.

是，我知道。我知道。而且我也知道雇他来可能不是我有生以来做的最明智的事。但是我告诉你，从此刻开始，我发誓这会是绝对的职业关系。

(There's a knock on the door.)

（有人敲门。）

Rachel

Yes?

请进？

(Kathy enters (Because she's listed in the credits).)

（Kathy进来。）

Kathy

Hey Rachel!

Kathy：嘿，Rachel！

Rachel

Hi!

Hi！

Kathy

Cute assistant! What's his story? Is he...

Kathy：帅助理！他有什么故事？他是……

Rachel

Gay? Yeah. (Kathy leaves dejectedly.)

同性恋？对。（Kathy沮丧地离开。）

Joey

Hey! Terry.

嘿！Terry。

Terry

Joey Tribbiani! I'm surprised your big head could fit through our small halls! (Gets up) I gotta go Joey.

Terry：Joey Tribbiani！我真惊讶您的大驾还能走进我们这小地方！（起身）我得走了，Joey。

Joey

Wait! Terry! Wait---Look---Wait I-I... Look, I'm really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking I'm too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance.

等等！Terry！等等……你看……等等……我，我，你看，我对从前的事情很抱歉。我自认大牌，不给你做试演，我是个白痴。你一定得再给我个机会。

Terry

I can't help you Joey.

Terry：爱莫能助，Joey。

Joey

Wait! Terry! Please! Look, I just lost my other job. Okay? You have no idea how much I need this. Please, help me out, for old times sake.

等等！Terry！求你了！你看，我刚刚丢了另一份工作。好不好？你没法理解我有多么需要这个角色。求你了，帮我一把，看在从前的交情上。

Nurse #1: This poor guy's been in a coma for five years. It's hopeless.

护士1：这个可怜人已经昏迷了5年了。没救了。

Nurse #2: It's not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remoray's a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.

护士2：不是没救！Stryker Remoray医生能创造奇迹。看，他来了。

(Stryker enters, only it's not Joey playing him.)

（Stryker进来，但不是乔伊扮演的。）

Dr. Stryker Remoray

Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, it's your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?

Stryker Remoray医生：早上好。（他走到床边，俯下身对他耳语）Drake，我是你弟弟Stryker啊。你能听见我吗？

The Director

And cut!

咔！

Joey

(jumping up and removing the bandages) I'm back baby! Ha-ha-ha!

（跳起来，扯掉绷带）我又回来啦，宝贝儿！哈－哈－哈！

Monica

Y'know, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.

你知道，我得辩解说，嗯，那通心粉上没有亮光，胶水也很少。

Ross

And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me!

我也得辩解说，清洁女工是冲我来的！

Chandler

(To Monica) You have no trouble telling time now right?

（对莫妮卡）你现在认时间没有困难吧？

Monica

No!

没有！

Chandler

Quick! What time is it?! (Holds his watch in front of her face.)

快！现在是什么时间？（把手表举到她面前。）

Monica

I don't know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! (Ross laughs.) What are you laughing at Pampers? (He stops laughing and glares at her.)

我不知道！也许是亲男人的时间？！（罗斯笑）你笑什么笑啊，帮宝适？（他停止笑，瞪着她。）

Chandler

Y'know when I said that because we're getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets?

你知道，当我说那话时，那是因为我们就要结婚了，所以我们应该分享所有事情，没有秘密。

Monica

Yeah?

是吗？

Chandler

Yeah that was stupid. Let's not do that.

是，那太傻了。我们还是不要这样了。

Monica

Ohh, absolutely.

噢，没错。

Ross

And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else.

而且！我们应该保守我们互相说的这些秘密呃，不要告诉其他人。

Monica

Yeah, definitely!

对呀，当然！

Ross

Okay, (gets up) if you'll excuse me, I-I'm gonna go hang out with some people who don't know the Space Mountain story.

好了，（起身）你们要是没事的话，我，我得去和那些不知道“太空山”故事的人出去玩玩了。

Monica

Then, I'd steer clear of Phoebe.

那，我得躲开Phoebe。

Ross

Man! (Monica mouths, "I'm sorry.")

拜托！（对不起！）

Chandler

Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldn't hang out with...all the guys in my office.

对，你是得躲着，我可是不能和我办公室所有的同事见面了。

(Ross storms out.)

（罗斯气冲冲地离开。）

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Rachel

(noticing him) Hi! (Puts the pictures away.)

（注意到他）Hi！（把照片收起来。）

Tag

Do you have a minute?

Tag：你有时间吗？

Rachel

Well yeah, sure, what's up?

呃，有，怎么？

Tag

I got asked out twice today when I was at lunch...by guys.

Tag：今天吃午饭的时候有两个人想和我约会……男的。

Rachel

Oh really?!

哦？真的？！

Tag

Yeah. Did you tell someone that I was gay?

Tag：对。是你告诉别人我是同性恋吗？

Rachel

Oh, did you not want people to know that?

哦，你不想别人知道吗？

Tag

But I'm not gay. And I especially wouldn't want you to think I was gay.

Tag：但我不是同性恋。而且特别是我，不想让你认为我是同性恋。

Rachel

Why's that?

为什么？

Tag

I don't think I should say.

Tag：我想我不应该说。

Rachel

Ohh, you can say. Come on, I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. (Motions for him to sit down.)

哦，你可以说。说吧，我不想让你觉得你不能对我倾诉。（示意他坐下。）

Tag

Okay.

Tag：好。

Rachel

'Kay.

好。

Tag

Well...

Tag：呃……啊。

Rachel

Yeah.

嗯。

Tag

I'd love to ask out your friend Phoebe.

Tag：我很想约会你的朋友Phoebe。

Rachel

(Pause) Yeah, she's gay.

（停顿）是吗，她是同性恋耶。

End

结束