The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad

Rachel

Okay, Chandler!

好，到钱德了！

Chandler

Okay.

好的。

Rachel

And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."

你的星座运程显示，五号，会有特别的人送你特别的礼物。

Chandler

(To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)

（对莫妮卡）哇，提前谢谢你。（吻她。）

Rachel

Op, but the twelfth brings a lover's spat.

啊，但12号，恋人会发生口角。

Monica

(To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!

（对钱德勒）一定是你拿我送的礼物开玩笑！你为什么要这样？！

Rachel

Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.

等等，19号，一段暗恋自动曝光。

(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)

（菲比一边看着钱德勒，一边眨眼舔嘴唇。）

Joey

(entering) Hey guys!

（进来）大家好！

Chandler

Hey!!

嘿！！

Rachel

(ecstatic) Oh my God! It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!

（欣喜若狂）天啊！乔伊的新戏《麦克与奇思》!!!!!!!

(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)

（大家鼓掌欢呼，乔伊模仿举枪四处张望。）

Chandler

Oh that's right. It's your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?

没错，今天才开拍。你准备好同你的机器人伙伴一起铲除邪恶势力了吗？

Joey

Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? I've dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?!

还用问吗？在连续剧里担当主角？这是我毕生的梦想！怎么可能没有准备好？！

Phoebe

No! Joey, you're going to be great!

乔伊，你这次一定技惊四座！

Joey

But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I don't know anything about technology! I can't even use Chandler's computer except to find porn! And-and that's only 'cause it's right there when you turn it on!

不过，菲比，这次我要和机器人合作，而我对科技一无所知！除了看色情网站，我甚至不会用钱德的电脑！连色情网站也不是我去找到的，而是一开机就在那里了！

Monica

I think our lover's spat will start a little early this month.

恋人的口角，这个月恐怕要提前爆发啦。

Phoebe

(in a sexy voice to Chandler) I'll be waiting.

（对钱德勒用性感的声音）我等着。

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Chandler

Are you judging them by their covers? Because you're really not supposed to do that.

你是否根据封面在进行取舍？这个习惯可不大好。

Phoebe

No, I'm just deciding which one to use---I'm gonna start writing another book!

不，我只是不知道用哪本才好。我又要写新书了！

Rachel

Be-because the last one was such a big seller?

是因为上一本很畅销？

Phoebe

Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.

如果你好奇，告诉你吧，我都写了14本书了。我是唯一的读者。所以我可以负责任的说，每本书口碑都很好。

Ross

(entering) Hey!

（进来）嘿！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

What are you guys doing later?

你们呆会做什么？

Phoebe

Oh, Rachel and I have appointments to get our hair cut.

瑞秋和我约好去理发。

Rachel

(To Phoebe) We do?

（对菲比）是吗？

Phoebe

I want to see what he wants first.

先听听他想干嘛。

Rachel

Okay.

好。

Ross

(continuing) I just found out that Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me.

（继续说）伊丽莎白的爸爸想见我。

Chandler

Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not Elizabeth's dad?!

等一下，电话别挂！你不就是伊丽莎白的爸爸吗？！

Ross

Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.

得了，我只是想让她爸爸喜欢我。如果你们留在这里帮我说好话，将会帮我大忙。

All

Of course we'll help! Yeah! We'll be here!

义不容辞！好，我们留在这里！

Ross

Thanks!

多谢！

Monica

We know how tough those parent/teacher conferences can be.

我们都清楚家长会不好对付。

The Producer

(walking into Mac's office) So uh, here's your office set!

（走进麦克的办公室）这里，是你的办公室布景！

Joey

Wow! Huh? (Picks up the phone) Mac Macaveli, Private Investigator!

哇？麦克·麦卡利，私人调查员！

The Producer

(checking his watch) Let's get you into wardrobe for a fitting.

（看表）试穿一下演出服吧。

Joey

Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot?

好。我什么时候同机器人见个面呢？

The Producer

I'm sorry, why don't we do that right now? He's right here. (Points to a guy.)

抱歉我给忘了，现在见见吧，他就在此地。（指着一个人。）

Joey

Okay.

好。

The Producer

Joey Tribbiani, this is...

乔伊·崔比昂尼，这位是……

Joey

Oh wow! He's so lifelike! (Starts touching the guy's cheeks) Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guy's ears.)

哇！太逼真啦！（开始摸那人的脸颊）难以置信！（他开始拽那人的耳朵。）

The Producer

This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.

这是韦恩，机器人“奇思”的发明者和操作者。

Joey

(slaps Wayne on his cheek) How do you do there, Wayne? (Backs away.)

（拍韦恩的脸）你好，韦恩。（后退。）

The Producer

I'll let you two guys get acquainted, huh? (Walks away.)

两位好好谈谈？（走开。）

Joey

Okay. Sorry about that...(Mimics that cheek thing he just did.) Uh, so where's C.H.E.E.S.E.?

好。抱歉刚才搞错了……（模仿刚才拍脸的动作）呃，奇思在哪儿？

Wayne

C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. (He puts on his headset, picks up the controller, and wheels C.H.E.E.S.E. in. C.H.E.E.S.E. is just a plain old robot on tracks; he kinda looks like No. 5 in the movie Short Circuit.)

奇思就在这儿。（他戴上耳机，拿起控制器，把奇思推了进来。奇思只是一个带轨道的普通老式机器人，有点像电影《霹雳五号》里的五号。）

C.H.E.E.S.E.

(Wayne with a computerized voice) Nice to meet you Mac!

（韦恩用电脑合成音）很高兴见到你，麦克！

Joey

(laughs) This is like the temporary robot, right?

（笑）这是临时的机器人对吧？

Wayne

No. Why?

不对，为什么这么说？

Joey

Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, y'know? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.

还会改造得更酷对吗？就像“终结者”，或者我对你的第一印象。

Wayne

I spent two years developing this machine, it's absolutely state of the art.

我花了两年时间研发这个机器人，绝对一流。

Joey

I'm sorry, it just---I don't know it doesn't really look like it can do anything.

对不起，它其貌不扬，我看不出它的功能有多强。

Wayne

It can do this. (He moves C.H.E.E.S.E.'s arm close to Joey's special area and he jumps back.)

它能揍你。（他移动奇思的手臂靠近乔伊的特殊部位，乔伊往后跳开。）

Elizabeth

This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.

这位是我父亲，保罗·史蒂文斯。爸爸，这位是罗斯·盖勒。

Ross

It-it's great to meet you Paul.

久仰，保罗。

Paul

I usually prefer Elizabeth's boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens.

伊丽莎白的男友通常称呼我史蒂文斯先生。

Ross

Of course, of course, Mr. Stevens.

好，好，史蒂文斯先生。

Paul

So Ross, what your problem?

罗斯，你有什么毛病？

Ross

Eh-wh---Excuse me?

什么？

Paul

Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?

你为什么不能找个同龄的女友？

Ross

That's funny. Umm.... (Pause, then serious) It's not funny.

很有趣。嗯……（停顿，然后严肃）这不好笑。

Paul

I don't like you going out with my daughter Ross.

罗斯，我不喜欢你同我女儿来往。

Ross

Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind.

好的，嗯……可以理解，但若你给我机会，我可以令你改变看法。

Paul

Okay.

行。

Ross

What?

什么？

Paul

Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)

我就给你一个机会，改变我的看法。（罗斯松口气笑了。）给你一分钟。（罗斯突然担心起来。）

Elizabeth

Daddy!

爸！

Paul

Fine! Two minutes. Go.

好吧！两分钟。计时开始。

Ross

This is---you---(Ross starts laughing.)

这事没有先例，当然我……（罗斯笑起来。）

Paul

(laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.

（笑，然后看表）还剩1分50秒。

Ross

Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean I've been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a student---I mean I not---not it! I mean, I mean I don't---We haven't done it. Uh, I mean, I mean we've-we've-we've done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a joke---lighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.

好，嗯……我想让你知道，这事没有先例，当然我谈过恋爱，但从未和学生有过纠葛，当然我们并没有越雷池。嗯，是会有一些亲热的举动啦。（保罗不悦。）好了，我讲个笑话，调节气氛。嗯，两个男人走进一间酒吧，其中一个是爱尔兰人。

Paul

I'm Irish.

我就是爱尔兰人。

Ross

And the Irish guy wins the joke!

爱尔兰人讲的笑话赢了！

(Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe enter.)

（莫妮卡、钱德勒和菲比进来。）

Monica

Ross!!

罗斯！

Chandler

Ross!

罗斯！

Monica

How crazy that we'd run into you!

竟然遇到你，太好了！

Ross

Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens I'd like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.

菲比，莫妮卡和钱德。

Phoebe

You're Elizabeth's father, huh? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.

您就是伊丽莎白的父亲吗？难怪她棱角分明。

Monica

(obviously attracted to him) Is-is-is there a-a Mrs. Stevens?

（显然被他吸引）尊夫人可健在？

Chandler

There's a Mr. Bing!

你老公还没死呢！

Paul

No, unfortunately Lizzie's mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.

不幸得很，她妈妈生下她不久就去世了，我独自将她抚养成人。

Phoebe and Monica

(sympathetic) Ohh!

（同情地）哦！

Paul

I get that a lot.

你们不用每次都表示同情。

Chandler

But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story... (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isn't happy.) You're roommate in college died didn't he?

但罗斯的确很棒！我同他是大学室友。有趣的是……（他开始笑，然后注意到保罗不高兴。）您的大学室友一定过世了对吗？

Paul

A part of him did yes.

从某种意义上说是。

Ross

(returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.

（端着咖啡回来）保罗，伊丽莎白。希望你们交谈愉快。

Chandler

Yes, we were just...

很愉快……

(Rachel runs in.)

（瑞秋跑进来。）

Rachel

Hi, I'm sorry I'm late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Liz's father get here?

对不起我来晚了，不过我准备好帮你美言几句！她家老爹几时到？

Paul

I'm already here.

我已经到了。

Rachel

Oh! Ross is sooo great!

哦！罗斯很棒！

Chandler

Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.

宝贝，你买了小姑娘这种，不是说好买婴儿那种吗？

Monica

No, you said the baby creeps you out.

你说婴儿让你害怕。

Chandler

No, the little girl creeps me out.

不，这小姑娘才叫我害怕。

Monica

You said the baby.

你说婴儿来着。

Chandler

Why would the baby creep me out?

婴儿怎么会叫我害怕？

Monica

Why would the little girl creep you out?

那小姑娘有什么好怕的？

Phoebe

(writing frantically) You guys, I'm sorry, could you please talk a little slower?

（疯狂地写）两位，抱歉，能说慢点吗？

Chandler

This is going in your book?

你要写到书里？

Phoebe

Yeah, it's about relationships. Y'know? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great!

对，我在写两性关系。圈套和隐患，两性禁忌之类。接着说，内容精彩嘛！

Monica

What?! Excuse me!

什么？！再说一遍！

Phoebe

And how none of it matters when the people really love each other.

还有就是，真爱无敌。

(Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as it's a compliment.

（钱德勒和莫妮卡接吻。）以及，千穿万穿，马屁不穿。

Rachel

(seeing him) Oh hi!

（看到他）嗨！

Paul

Hi! Hi. (He's looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.

嗨！嗨。（环顾四周）我的钥匙丢在这里什么地方了。

Rachel

Oh! Well let's look for them. (Finds some under one of the couch cushions. It has a pink, fuzzy ball on the key chain.) Oh-oh-hey! Are these them?

哦！咱们找找看。（在沙发垫子下找到一串，钥匙链上有个粉色毛球。）嘿，是这串吗？

Paul

No.

不是。

Rachel

All right! (Throws them back under the cushion.)

好的！（扔回垫子下。）

Paul

Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)

哦，在这儿呢。（从沙发角下捡起来。）

Rachel

Oh good.

好的。

Paul

Thanks for your help. (Starts to leave.)

多谢帮忙。（准备离开。）

Rachel

(chasing after him) Oh, wait! Sorry, Mr. Paul? Mr. Paul?

（追上去）哦，等等！保罗先生？保罗先生？

Paul

Just call me Paul.

叫我保罗可以了。

Rachel

Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.

保罗。我只想告诉你罗斯真的不错。

Paul

Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?

那你可以约会他，省得我干掉他。（瑞秋笑，然后开始看他。）你没事吧？

Rachel

You just don't look old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter.

你看来绝不像有个二十岁的女儿。

Paul

Well, we were very young when we had her.

我们很年轻就生女儿了。

Rachel

Oh. We?

哦，我们？

Paul

Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to... (He taps his index fingers together.)

当然，生孩子通常得两个人出力。（他食指对戳。）

Rachel

Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I just---I meant y'know are you still a 'We' or are you just 'You?'

哦！不是那个意思！当然，两个人才能生孩子，我知道！我只是问，现在还是两个人吗？或者单身？

Paul

I'm just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.

我单身。我老婆生下伊丽莎白不久就过世了。

Rachel

(sympathetic) Ohh. So you raised her all on your own?

（同情地）哦，你独立抚养她成人？

Paul

Yes I did.

没错。

Rachel

Ohh. (She touches his arm for support and likes what she feels) Ooh!

哦！（她碰了碰他的手臂寻求安慰，喜欢这感觉）哦！

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

How was your first day?

头一天表现如何？

Joey

Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot.

好极了！只是机器人有点闹别扭。

Chandler

Damn those robots, they're supposed to be our faithful servants!

该死的机器人，本来他们该是人类忠实的仆人！

Joey

Anyway, it wasn't the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh!

也不是机器人的问题啦，是操纵他的家伙。他不喜欢我。我去拿三明治，他却操纵奇思夺走了三明治！哦！

Phoebe

Well, why don't you just get him fired?

你为啥不解雇他？

Joey

I may have to, I hate to do it, but I'm the star! Y'know? There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.

大约应该解雇他，可恶啊，我是个明星。每餐能吃的三明治数量有限。（手机响）抱歉。（接电话）乔伊·崔比昂尼。

Estelle

(on the other end) Joe! I'm glad I found ya, I got an audition for ya!

（电话那头）乔伊！总算找到你了，我帮你联系了一个试镜！

Joey

Wow!

哇！

Estelle

The thing is it's kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. It's the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.

这件事还没公开，那个男演员还不知道他将被解雇。是一个连续剧里的男主角，《麦克和奇思》。

Joey

I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!

我就是《麦克和奇思》的男主角！

Estelle

Uh-oh!

哦！

Ross

Joey?!

乔伊？！

Paul

Hi Ross.

嗨，罗斯。

Rachel

I was just getting him to like you.

我只想让他更喜欢你。

Commercial Break

广告时间

Ross

Joey?! Joey!! (He runs into his bedroom.)

乔伊？！乔伊！！（他跑进卧室。）

Rachel

Ross, Joey is not here.

罗斯，乔伊不在这儿。

Ross

Okay, I'll just wait for him in here!

好，那我在这儿等等他。

Rachel

Ross, it's okay. You can come out.

罗斯，没事，你出来吧。

Paul

Yeah Ross it's okay, it's me, Mr. Stevens.

罗斯，没事，是我，史蒂文斯先生啊。

Ross

(coming out of the bedroom) Oh! Oh my God! I didn't even see you!

（从卧室出来）哦，天啊，我没看到您！

Paul

Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)

你肯定看见了！你进来以后表情古怪，跑进了卧房。接着就一直喊，“乔伊，乔伊！”再见瑞秋。（吻她。）

Rachel

Bye!

拜拜！

Paul

I'll call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)

我会打电话给你。再见罗斯。（离开。）

Ross

What-what-what the---how da-how did-what the-how did-what?!

怎么——回——事？

Rachel

Well, y'know he lost his keys so he was looking for them...

他丢了钥匙，到处找……

Ross

(incredulous) In your mouth?!

（难以置信）在你嘴里找？！

Rachel

No! Downstairs! And we got to talking y'know, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.

不，在楼下找！我们交谈了大约两个小时，我相当喜欢他，所以我请他上楼喝杯咖啡。

Ross

You were at the coffeehouse!

你们本来就在咖啡厅！

Rachel

Ross, what's the big deal? So I kissed the guy!

罗斯，这有什么大不了？无非是我亲他了！

Ross

He is my girlfriend's father, okay? It's-it's, it's weird!

他是我女友的父亲！知道吗？这太怪了！

Rachel

Wh---You dated my sister!

怪？你还和我妹妹约会呢！

Ross

That was different!

这不一样！

Rachel

What? Why?!

什么？有什么不一样？

Ross

This is weird for me!

我觉得怪！

Rachel

Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Let's face it, so far the guy's not lovin' ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, y'know? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!

罗斯，听着，我可以帮你忙。面对现实吧，保罗不喜欢你，但我可以改变他的看法。我深入敌后来帮你！我们一起出去吃饭，我替你美言！罗斯，保罗是相当相当成功的律师！

Ross

How is that important?

那很重要吗？

Rachel

Oh it's important!

绝对重要！

Joey

Apparently, there's like a million guys out there that can play Mac, and there's only this one robot and this one guy who controls it! I didn't know he could get me fired! What am I going to do?

很明显，能扮演麦克的人多如牛毛，机器人却只有一个，能控制他的人更是独一无二！没想到他竟有生杀大权！我怎么办？

Monica

Well y'know Joey, you're a pretty charming guy.

乔伊，你是个很有魅力的男人。

Joey

Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.

谢谢，但我现在面临困难。

Monica

No sweetie, you've got to win over the guy that controls C.H.E.E.S.E.! You've got to kiss some serious robot ass!

宝贝，你得征服这个能操纵奇思的人！你得拍机器人的马屁！

Joey

That's not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow I'm not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)

好主意。好吧，如果明天我得去放电，今天就不跟你们这伙人浪费我的电力了。（准备离开，又停下转向菲比。）其实我打算留点给你，菲比。（离开。）

Chandler

So do you think uh, Joey's more charming than me?

你认为乔伊比我帅吗？

Monica

Yeah! That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side.

当然！不然我怎么会也同他睡觉。

Chandler

Yeah, you wish. (Stops to think about it and gets depressed.)

你想得美。（停下来想了想，变得沮丧。）

Phoebe

(writing in her book) "You wish."

（在书上写）“你想得美。”

Monica

Phoebe, stop writing about us!

菲比，别再拿我们做文章啦！

Phoebe

I'm not writing about you! I'm writing about other people.

我没写你们！我写别人呢。

Chandler

Who?

写谁？

Phoebe

Marcia and Chester.

马妮卡和钱斯德。

Monica

Okay fine! Fine! Then you know what, I'll just write about Phyllis! Hmm!

好吧！写吧！我也要写菲丽丝的故事！哼！

Chandler

Hmm.

嗯。

Monica

(writing on a piece of paper) Phyllis is sitting in a chair.

（在纸上写）菲丽丝坐在椅子上。

Chandler

Oh.

哦。

Phoebe

I see what you're doing!

我看见你的动作了！

Monica

(still writing) Phyllis sees what I'm doing.

（继续写）菲丽丝看见我的动作。

Chandler

Oh-oh.

哦。

Phoebe

Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!

哦，我尝到自己亲手种下的苦果。苦！

Joey

Morning! Hey, how's my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)

早上好！我最崇拜的天才！我的机器人排档！（拍拍奇思的头。）

Wayne

Don't touch him!

不许碰它！

Joey

Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.'s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, that's why you didn't want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I can't believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin'? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)

好！好。嗯，好吧，韦恩，跟我说老实话，有谣言说他们要解雇我。已经开始找人排练我的台词了！兄弟，再给我一次机会吧！我爱这个小东西！啊！（他抓住奇思的手臂，从肘部扯了下来。）（韦恩震惊。）难怪你从不准我碰他！听你的，好吧？（把手臂递给韦恩，韦恩去修理。乔伊开始自责。）真笨！不敢相信我又失败了！（一个非常漂亮的女人走过。）（对她）嘿，你好吗？（他和她过去聊天，韦恩羡慕地看着。）

Rachel

So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly, offered to take me.

我的高中毕业舞会舞伴似乎放我鸽子，罗斯义不容辞的站了出来。

Elizabeth

What a nice story!

故事很动听！

Paul

So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.

大学生罗斯，想占一个高中女生的便宜。

Rachel

Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

哇！我倒从没从这个角度想过这事！我去一下洗手间。

Ross

Yeah, take your time.

尽管去，别太早回来。

(Rachel heads for the bathroom.)

（瑞秋走向洗手间。）

Ross

(to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as-as...

（对保罗）我读大一，她高中毕业。倒也不是差很多……

Paul

Ross, look, I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs and it's partly because I'm very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) you're not (pause) all bad.

罗斯，听着，我知道我对你不够友好，因为我爱女心切，而且，我情不自禁。但我得承认，利莎对我讲了很多你的好话，瑞秋也对你评价甚高，所以，你也不是那么坏。

Ross

Not all bad.

压根就不坏。

Paul

And anyhow, I'm sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like she's a twelve-year-old girl.

总之我很抱歉以前对你太苛刻，你得体谅我，我还当利莎是个12岁的小姑娘呢。

Ross

Yeah. You know what? I know what you mean; I do that too.

我明白你意思，我有同感。

Paul

I beg your pardon?

你说什么？

Ross

No! No! Not---I don't mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, who's umm six and I still think of him as a baby.

不！我不是说我也当她是12岁的小姑娘！我是说，我有个六岁大的儿子，我还当他是个婴儿。

Paul

You have a son?

你有个儿子？

Ross

Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as I'm sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, I'm sorry! (To Elizabeth) It's unbelievable!

我前妻和我共有班的监护权。卡萝和我早已达成共识，就像您和尊夫人一样！（意识到）抱歉！（对伊丽莎白）难以置信！

Paul

Don't worry about it, I just didn't realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)

没关系，我只是没意识到你结过婚。（瑞秋回来听到这个。）

Rachel

Oh we were, but that was just a (pause as the audience reacts), I mean that was just a big drunken mistake.

哦，我们是结过一次，但那只是酒后胡闹罢了。

Ross

You're back.

你回来啦。

Paul

You two were married?!

你们俩接过婚？！

Rachel

Oh! Whoops! I'm sorry, you were talking about Emily!

哦！不好意思，原来你在说爱米丽那次！

(Ross slams his head down on the table.)

（罗斯把头砸在桌上。）

Monica

Chandler, we said we would meet at the coffeehouse at six.

钱德，我们不是约好六点在咖啡馆碰头吗？

Chandler

We said seven!

约的是七点！

Monica

We said six!

约的六点！

Chandler

The only way that I said six would be if the seven's, let meet at seven, not at six.

如果我提过六点，那我一定是说，我们七点见！记住不是六点！

Monica

Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I would've said something like this, "Wow! My boyfriend's such a wise ass---seven!"

“哇！我的男友是个大笨蛋！七点！”

Phoebe

(Turning around in the chair) Hi!

（在椅子上转过身）嘿！

Chandler

Oh my good God.

天啊。

Monica

Ugh!

天啊。

Phoebe

I know what time you said.

我知道你们讲好的时间。

Chandler

What?!

什么？！

Phoebe

Well actually, I know what time Chester and Marcia said.

实际上，我知道钱斯德和马妮卡约好的时间。

Monica

What time?

几点？

Phoebe

Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly it's my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.

风水轮流转，现在要靠我的书来救火了对吧？（读她的书）哦，妙不可言。这下可以真相大白了。

Chandler

(disgusted) What does it say?!

（厌恶地）记录里怎么写的？！

Phoebe

I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.

你先感谢我写这本书，我就告诉你。

Chandler

Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.

谢谢你写书。这是最伟大的一本书，而你，是万物之女王。

Phoebe

Thanks! So are you.

谢谢！你也是。

Chandler

(To Monica) I told you I should not wear this color. (He's wearing a reddish-orange sweater.)

（对莫妮卡）早告诉过你我不适合穿这颜色！（他穿着一件橙红色毛衣。）

Phoebe

(reading from her book) Mon... (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks they're supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks it's at seven.

（读她的书）莫……（停顿，重新开始）马妮卡和钱斯德周末夜计划去看电影。马妮卡以为约在六点，钱斯德则以为是七点。

Chandler

So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!

你早知道我们会错过！

Phoebe

That's right.

没错。

Monica

Inside of telling us you decided to write in your stupid book!

你不警告我们，却写进你的蠢书里！

Phoebe

(writing in her book) Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis.

（在书上写）马妮卡和钱斯德生菲丽丝的气。

Joey

I can't believe I'm going to lose this job!

没想到我竟会失去这份工作！

Chandler

Oh I'm so sorry man! Is there anything I can do?

真是遗憾！我能帮你什么吗？

Joey

Yeah! Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.

能！帮我把这台迷你雪柜运过保安。

(There's a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)

（敲门声，乔伊开门，是韦恩。）

Wayne

Hey Joey, I want to talk to you.

嘿乔伊，我想和你谈谈。

Joey

Yeah? Well, I don't want to talk to you Wayne! I hate you! You ruined my life! Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. (They shake hands.)

是吗？可我不想跟你谈，韦恩！我恨你！你毁了我的人生！哦，钱德，韦恩；韦恩，钱德。（他们握手。）

Chandler

Hi, how are ya?

你好。

Wayne

Joey, Joey, I-I-I'll g-get you your job back if you help me out.

乔伊，如果你帮我，我就帮你赢回角色。

Joey

(incredulous) Why should I help you?!

（难以置信）我为什么要帮你？！

Chandler

(whispering in Joey's ear) The reason he just said.

（在乔伊耳边低语）他已经说过原因了。

Joey

(happily) What do you need?

（开心地）你想要什么？

Wayne

I-I-I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman, y'know Sarah?

我看见你和一个美女搭讪，你认得萨拉？

Joey

Yeah?

嗯。

Wayne

I wish I could talk to her.

我也想和她搭讪。

Joey

What are you in love with her or something?

你喜欢她还是怎么的？

Wayne

Yeah. Her. All of them. Anyone.

是，喜欢她。所有的美女，任何一个。

Chandler

Yeah, I've been there my friend.

我能了解。

Wayne

Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.

如果你教我怎样同女人交谈，我就能保住你的饭碗。

Joey

Oh wow Wayne, it's not really something you can teach y'know? It's pretty much something you're born with if you---(Off Chandler's look)---You-you can teach it! I'll show you right how to do it.

哇，韦恩，这怎么教法？这只是与生俱来的本领罢了——（看到钱德勒的表情）——你也可以教人！我这就告诉你怎么做。

Rachel

I mean if you think about it, I mean Ross did learn something from each marriage.

我是说，罗斯的确从每次婚姻都受益匪浅。

Paul

How to make the next one even shorter?

学习如何让接下来的婚姻更短命？

Rachel

Now wait a minute that's not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didn't tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)

等等，这样说不公平。他和我结婚的时间可比跟爱米丽的婚姻可短得多——他只是没告诉过我。看样子我还得上趟洗手间。（起身去洗手间。）

Paul

Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?

这很有趣。罗斯，你有没有铩妻的经验？

Ross

Y'know what? I-I-I... I-I have had enough of this! Y'know, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if you've got a problem with me, frankly...

我受够了！我深爱你的女儿，我一直尊重她！如果你不喜欢我，老实说……

Paul

Are you yelling at me?!

你在朝我吼叫吗？！

Ross

God no!

天啊，我没有！

Elizabeth

Y'know what daddy? If you don't like Ross, that's fine. It doesn't matter to me, I'm gonna go out with him anyway.

爸爸，你知道吗？如果你不喜欢罗斯，那也没关系，我不介意。我还是要同他交往。

Paul

Really?! (She nods in the affirmative.)

真的？！（她点头。）

Ross

Well if it doesn't matter to her, it doesn't matter to me! (to Paul) Still not yelling!

既然她不介意，我也不介意！（对保罗）我没有吼叫！

Paul

Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesn't make me like you any better!

哇。我无言以对。（停顿，指着罗斯）我对你仍然没什么好感。

Ross

That's okay, I'm not so crazy about myself right now either.

这没什么，我对自己也不是很满意。

Paul

Then we agree?

那我们达成共识？

Ross

Uh yeah, I guess---Yeah! I guess so.

对，大概是这样。

Paul

Neither of us like Ross!

我们都不大喜欢罗斯！

Elizabeth

I like Ross.

我喜欢罗斯。

Ross

Ohhh! Kids!

哦！你还小！

Rachel

(returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!

（回来）等等，我想起一件事可以证明罗斯有多好！

Ross

That's okay Rach, we're not liking Ross right now.

省点力气吧瑞秋，我们现在都同意不喜欢罗斯了。

Rachel

Oh! I've got a lot of those too!

哦！那我倒知道很多故事可以支持这个观点！

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Joey

Well, it turns out you were right C.H.E.E.S.E.

结果你是对的，奇思。

C.H.E.E.S.E.

The shipment never made it through Omaha?

这批货从来就没有运出过奥马哈？

Joey

You got it! And the rabbi's beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Pauses as he waits for C.H.E.E.S.E.'s next line.) It's your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Suddenly C.H.E.E.S.E. goes crazy and starts flinging it's arms and advancing on Joey behind the desk.) Wayne! Wayne!!

没错！法师的胡须，100%是马鬃。答得好，奇思！（停顿，等奇思的下一句台词。）该你讲台词了！奇思！（突然奇思发疯，开始挥舞手臂，向桌后的乔伊逼近。）韦恩！韦恩！！

(The camera cuts to Wayne who's busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.'s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)

（镜头切到韦恩，他正忙着和莎拉亲热，把奇思的控制器在她背上摩擦，导致奇思发狂。乔伊开始向奇思扔书，想让它停下。）

End

结束