The One With The Unagi

Ross

Hey, remember when I had a monkey?

嗨，记得我曾有只猴子吗？

Chandler

Yeah.

嗯。

Ross

Yeah, what, what was I thinking?

嗯，刚才……刚才我想什么来着？

Joey

(he's just picked up their bill) Hey! So, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?

（刚拿起他们的账单）嗨！怎么只有20％的小费？我做错事了吗？

Chandler

Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe.

20％的小费已经很慷慨了，Joe。

Joey

Y'know what's more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Y'know what's even more generous than that?!!

你知道有什么更慷慨吗？50％！你知道有什么比它还慷慨吗？！

Chandler

I see where you're goin'!

我知道你要说什么！

Ross

What's up with the greed Joe?

贪婪的Joe有什么事吗？

Joey

All right, look I'm sorry you guys, but it's just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And they're really expensive, y'know? I'm down to like three! Well, actually two 'cause one of 'em I kinda blackened in some teeth---Why did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)

好吧，我很抱歉。这都怪我刚拍了些艺术照。你们知道，那玩意很贵。我挑了三张！嗯，其实是两张，因为其中一张里我的牙有点发黑。我干吗拍那玩意啊？！（打自己的头。）

Ross

Well isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, can't-can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here?

那你不能做点什么赚些外快吗？我是说，你能不能……嗯，我不知道，通过某种特别的方式？

Phoebe

Or, y'know, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if you've got y'know a little of this (she sticks her chest out and shakes it) goin' on. Wow! I still have it!

也许……你们知道我曾经乞讨过。如果你能表演这个就肯定有用。（她挺起胸摇了摇）哇！我还能干这个！

Ross

Oh, wait! Wait! Don't you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe you'll get that job!

哦，等等！你今天不是有个试演吗？对，也许你能得到那个工作！

Joey

Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!

哦，哈哈哈！哦！等等，我曾经参加过很多医学试验。

Chandler

(reminiscing) Ah, finally an explanation.

（回忆）啊，终于有个解释了。

Joey

No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see uh, well I don't want to donate sperm again. (To Ross) I really prefer doing that at the home office y'know? (Ross nods his head.) Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?

不不！记得吗，我通过那些试验得到过报酬。让我想想，嗯，我不想再捐献精子了。（对罗斯）我宁愿在家里干那个。（罗斯点头。）哦，也许他们会喜欢我的血或唾液什么的，嗯？

Gunther

(approaching with a tray with an order on it) Joey!

（端着托盘走近）Joey！

Joey

Yeah?

嗯？

Gunther

What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?

对于你在工作时间和朋友聊天我都怎么说的？

Joey

Uhh do it?

嗯……做的对？

Gunther

That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! He's complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)

那人（指着）等这杯咖啡已经10分钟了！他投诉了你三次！（他把咖啡杯递给乔伊，以为乔伊会送过去，然后走开。）

Joey

Well, where was I? (Takes a sip of the coffee.)

嗯，我说到哪儿了？（喝了一口咖啡。）

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Ross

Hi!

嗨！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Hey, what have you guys been up to?

嘿，你们去哪儿了？

Phoebe

Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today!

哦，我们今天去上防身术课了！

Ross

Wow!

哇！

Rachel

Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of ya!

是啊，整个早上都在踢男人的胯部，感觉像在报复你！

Joey

Takes it out of you? (Laughs.)

报复你？（笑。）

Phoebe

Now, we can kick anybody's ass!

现在我们可以踢任何人的屁股了！

Rachel

Yeah!

对！

Ross

After one class? I don't think so.

就一节课？我看不见得。

Rachel

What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!

怎么？你想试试我的防身术吗？现在就假装你是个性侵犯者！来吧！你敢吗？！

Ross

Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.

哦，如果你知道会有攻击当然可以保护自己，可这不够。听着，我学过很长时间空手道，有个概念你们必须熟悉，日本人叫它……（他把两根手指举到太阳穴旁，每次说这个词都做这个动作）unagi。

Rachel

Isn't that a kind of sushi?

是一种寿司吧？

Ross

No, it's a concept!

不，是个概念！

Phoebe

Yeah it is! It is! It's freshwater eel!

就是寿司！就是！河鳗口味的！

Ross

All right, maybe it means that too...

好吧，也许也有那个意思……

Rachel

Ohh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now!

哦！我现在能为鲑鱼皮肉卷杀人！

Ross

Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!

你知道什么啊？算了！被攻击吧！我一点都不在乎！

Phoebe

(deadpan) Come on Ross. We're sorry. Please tell us what it is.

（面无表情）行了Ross，我们很抱歉，请告诉我们吧。

Ross

Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!

Unagi是种明察秋毫的状态，知道吗？只有真正掌握了Unagi的人，才能对任何可能的危险都做好准备！

Phoebe

You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?

你是说像有人想偷你的竹席或鱼缸之类的事？

(Rachel laughs and Ross mocks her.)

（瑞秋笑，罗斯学她。）

Ross

(moves closer) All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I don't know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachel's and screams) surprise!!

（靠近）我是说，这东西是用来准备面对别人攻击的。至于面对其他的什么攻击，我不知道，比如……（转过身把脸凑近瑞秋，尖叫）意外！！！

(Rachel calmly wipes the spittle off her face.)

（瑞秋平静地擦掉脸上的唾沫。）

Ross

All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.)

好吧，你知道我会这么干的，不过这不能说明你有Unagi。（做手指动作。）

Rachel

(To Phoebe) Ooh! Y'know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.

（对菲比）哦！你知道吗？如果我们预约的话，我们能在半小时内吃上鳗鱼寿司。

Ross

Y'know what... (Moves away as Chandler enters, panicked.)

（当惊慌失措的钱德勒进来时，他走开。）

Chandler

Hey-hey, is Monica here?

嘿，Monica在吗？

Phoebe

No.

不在。

Ross

No.

不在。

Chandler

Okay, look I need your help, I don't know what to get her for Valentine's Day.

好，我需要你们的帮助，我不知道该在情人节送她什么。

Rachel

Well, Valentine's Day was like two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar!

哦，情人节已经过去两周了。如果是我就不会送她日历！

Chandler

(laughs) She was working on Valentine's Day so we're celebrating it tonight.

（笑）她那天工作来着，我们今晚庆祝。

Joey

Ohh, hey! Why don't you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas?

哦，嗨！你为什么不找个浪漫的温泉疗养地来次约会？

Phoebe

Ooh, Joey, that's actually a really good idea!

哦，Joey，真是个好主意！

Joey

And of course, crotchless panties.

而且当然要有性感内裤。

Chandler

Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I can't do that we promised we'd make each other gifts this year.

哦，对她的男友来说很有吸引力嘛……（停顿）也许包括她的哥哥？（镜头转到罗斯对乔伊露出非常邪恶的表情；乔伊害怕了）我不能那么做，我们说好今年要自己做件礼物给对方。

Rachel

Aw, I love that.

啊，我喜欢。

Phoebe

You guys!

瞧你们俩！

Joey

You can't make crotchless panties? You take, you take a pair of scissors and you just cut...

你不能自己做个性感内裤吗？你只要……只要拿把剪子剪开……

Rachel

(interrupting him) Okay-okay-okay! So, making things. That sounds like so much fun.

（打断他）好了好了好了！自己做礼物。听起来很有意思的嘛。

Chandler

Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.

是啊，不过自从我做的纸面具把我一只眼睛挡住之后，我就不这么想了。

Phoebe

Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make?

哦，我喜欢纸面具！你做的是什么样的？

Chandler

I made a... (Does one of those gibberish words.)

我做的像个……

Phoebe

What is that?

像个什么？

Chandler

Nothing!

什么也不像！

Ross

So what are you gonna do?

那你准备怎么办？

Chandler

Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for?

哦，那你们有没有做过什么可以让我拿去取悦她的东西？

Phoebe

Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! (She takes out a sock that's been made into a bunny with eyes, nose, mouth, whiskers, and two other socks sown onto it for ears.) Oh for crying out loud!

哦！我有！我有！我做了一些袜子巴尼兔！（她拿出一只做成了兔子的袜子，有眼睛、鼻子、嘴、胡须，还缝上另外两只袜子当耳朵。）哦，大家欢呼吧！

Rachel

Hey, wait a minute! That is my sock!

嗨，等一下！这是我的袜子！

Phoebe

Now, it's you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachel's face and they both laugh.)

现在是你的朋友小巴尼了。（她把兔子戳到瑞秋面前，两人都笑了。）

Chandler

(admiring his work) This, this actually is a... (Does the same gibberish word from before.)

（欣赏自己的作品）这个，这个实在是……

Monica

(entering) Hey!

（进来）嘿！

Chandler

Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentine's Day gifts?

嘿！亲爱的，我有个情人节礼物的问题。

Monica

Oh, yeah.

哦，说吧。

Chandler

Do we have to make the entire thing?

必须完全是我们自己做的吗？

Monica

Yes! Why, did you---you forgot to make yours?

是啊！怎么了？你忘了做了？

Chandler

Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.

当然……当然没有。我只是要去做礼物的地方把它拿回来。

Monica

Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I can't wait! This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I can't believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!

好，好，我都等不及了！这将是最棒的情人节！（钱德勒咯咯笑着离开。）真不敢相信！做礼物！做礼物！

Chandler

(sticking his head back in) What?

（探头回来）怎么了？

Monica

I'm just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!

做礼物的事让我太兴奋了！（钱德勒又发出一个讽刺/害怕的笑，然后离开。）见鬼！

Joey

(to the receptionist) Hi uh, I'm Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect I'd like to donate some fluids.

（对接待员）嗨，我是Joey Tribbiani。我诚心诚意地想捐赠一些液体。

Receptionist

We're actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so we're not looking for applicants right now.

现在这个研究项目已经快要结束，我们不再需要志愿者了。

Joey

Oh that's too bad. I've kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure there's no studies I can participate in?

哦，糟糕。我本来还专门存了些液体。（她惊恐地看着他。）嗯，你肯定没有什么我可以参与的项目吗？

Receptionist

Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up. (Hands it to him.)

哦，这个是我们即将开始的研究项目表。（递给他。）

Joey

Thanks. (Starts to read it.) Well but this one starts now. (Points to one.)

谢谢。（开始读。）啊这个已经开始了。（指着一个。）

Receptionist

Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twins study.

哦，那个确实正在进行。不过只有同卵双胞胎才行，研究双胞胎的。

Joey

But it's $2,000.

可有2,000块钱的报酬呢。

Receptionist

Sorry.

对不起。

Joey

Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists.

那这个怎么样？测试Joey Tribbiani和迷人的接待员在一起的效果。

Receptionist

We already got the results back on that on, and they're not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.)

我们已经有结果了，很糟糕。（乔伊匆忙退下。）

Ross

DANGER!!! DANGER!!!!!

危险！危险！

(They both scream and jump away.)

（两人尖叫着跳开。）

Phoebe

Ross!!!

Ross！

Rachel

What the hell was that?!

你到底在搞什么搞？

Ross

A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)

一个教训，让你们意识到Unagi的重要性。（他现在每次都说这个词并做手指动作。）

Phoebe

Ohh, you're a freak!!

哦，你是个疯子！

Ross

Perhaps. Now I'm curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?

也许吧。不过我很好奇，你们要尖叫到什么时候才会来踢我的屁股？

Rachel

All right, so we weren't prepared!

好吧，我们还没准备好！

Ross

I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I---look, I just want you guys to be safe. (Monica comes out to throw out the garbage and Ross screams...) DANGER!!!!! (She completely ignores him and keeps walking.) Ahhh, huh? Unagi.

抱歉使用这么激烈的方式来说明我的观点，不过我……瞧，我只是想保证你们的安全。（莫妮卡出来倒垃圾，罗斯尖叫……）危险！！（她完全不理他，继续走。）啊，嗯？Unagi。

Joey

(in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)

（心里）2,000块可真不少。哦，我希望我有个孪生兄弟。到哪儿去找个长得像我的人呢？（镜头拉远，露出一屋子长得像乔伊的人。乔伊看看旁边的人，又看看剧本。）

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Ross

(not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you.

（没转身）Chandler。我感觉到了你。

Chandler

What?!

什么？！

Ross

Unagi. I'm always aware.

Unagi呀。我明察秋毫。

Chandler

Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?

好吧，你明察出Unagi就是鳗鱼吗？（做手指动作。）

Ross

What's up?

什么事？

Chandler

I can't figure out what to make Monica.

我不知道该做个什么东西给Monica。

Ross

Oh, why don't you make her one of your little jokes.

哦，你干吗不从你的那些玩笑中挑一个给她？

Chandler

I'm going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade?

我块疯了！知道吗？你有没有什么看起来像是家制的东西？

Ross

Y'know what? She'd-she'd love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, that's the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, it's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.

你瞧，她肯定会喜欢这东西。（拿起土星五号火箭模型，就是那艘载人登月的火箭。）嗯，这是阿波罗8号飞船的模型。我6年级时做的。

Chandler

Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.

嗯，我看合适。我会跟她说“你的爱送我上了月球”。

Ross

Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely.

是啊，不过阿波罗8号没有登月。你……你可以写上……“你的爱让我环绕月球两圈并平安返回”。

Chandler

Wait a minute, I can't give this to her.

等等，我不能给她这个。

Ross

Why not?

为什么不能？

Chandler

Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom.

因为它边上写着“Ross船长”，而且底部写着“我讨厌Monica”。

Ross

Oh.

哦。

(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream...)

（钱德勒沮丧地离开。门关上后，瑞秋和菲比从窗帘后面跳出来尖叫……）

Phoebe and Rachel

DANGER!!!!!

危险！！

(Ross screams like a little girl.)

（罗斯像小女孩一样尖叫。）

Rachel

Ahhhhh, salmon skin roll. (She does the finger thing.)

啊……鲑鱼皮肉卷。（她做手指动作。）

Chandler

Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if he's giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I can't do it. I can't do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)

好，好。（他走到衣橱，把衣服挪开，注意到一个空衣架。他拿起空衣架，把它折得不成样子。然后他把衣架举起来，好像要送给莫妮卡。）瞧，亲爱的，我自己做的。（他把衣架扔下，走到她的衣柜，抓了什么东西，走到床头桌，拿出一把剪刀。他转过身，把剪刀对准刚拿出来的内裤裆部。）我不能这么做。我不能这么做。（他把两样东西都扔下，继续找。他打开另一个壁橱，找到一盒磁带。）哦！哦！混录的磁带！混录磁带！！（他跑进客厅。）

Chandler

Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts?

嘿！嗨！你，可以交换礼物了吗？

Monica

Sure! Okay, you go first.

当然！好吧，你先来。

Chandler

Okay, come here! Come here.

好，过来！过来。

Monica

Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)

好！（她拿起要送他的礼物，两人走到沙发坐下。）

Chandler

Now, it's not wrapped because I just, just finished it.

嗯，我刚做完，所以……所以没有包装。

Monica

Okay.

行。

Chandler

But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.

我为你做的这盘带子里有所有我喜欢的情歌。

Monica

Oh, what a great gift! Is The Way You Look Tonight on it?!

哦，多好的礼物啊！里面有“The Way You Look Tonight”吗？

Chandler

(momentarily terrified) Maybe we'll have to listen and see!

（短暂地害怕）也许我们听听就知道了。

Monica

Oh, I love it! Thank you so much!

哦，我喜欢！太谢谢你了！

Chandler

Okay!

好吧！

Monica

Okay, you ready to open yours?

好，准备看我给你的礼物了吗？

Chandler

Yeah!

对！

Monica

Okay.

好。

(He opens his present to find Phoebe's sock bunny from earlier.)

（他打开礼物，发现是之前菲比做的袜子巴尼兔。）

Chandler

It's a sock bunny.

这是个袜子巴尼兔。

Monica

Yeah-yeah, you remember how I call you bunny?

是啊，你记得我老叫你巴尼吧？

Chandler

Not really.

不大记得。

Monica

Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See that's what this is about.

哦，我只叫过一次，不过……不过我以后会老这么叫你的。看看它多好玩啊！

Chandler

I see. Y'know umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.

我明白了，你知道……嗯，Phoebe做袜子巴尼来着。

Monica

No! No, she doesn't. Uh Phoebe, what she makes---that's uh---they're sock rabbits. They are completely different---Okay! Okay! Okay! I didn't make it! I'm sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that we're supposed to make the presents!

不！没有，她没做过。嗯……Phoebe，做的是……是袜子兔子。跟这个不是一回事……好吧！好吧！好吧！这不是我做的！对不起！我把今晚的计划和做礼物的事忘了个干净！

Chandler

Oh, it's okay. I don't...

哦，没事，我并不……

Monica

No-no, it's not okay! It's not! I mean you were just... You're so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Y'know I'm just gonna---I, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)

不，不能没事！我是说你做了这么难以置信的事！你花了那么多时间来为我做这盘磁带！我要……我要补偿你！我会的！我要在那里做任何你喜欢的菜（指着厨房），还有，我要……在那里做任何你喜欢的事！（指着卧室。）

Chandler

(thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.)

（想了想）嗯，我确实在那盘带子上花了不少心思。（两人都跑进卧室。）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Chandler

Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that!

哇！（对还套在他手上的袜子巴尼兔说）你还太小，不应该看那些东西！

Monica

Oops! (Covers its eyes.) Y'know, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?

哦！（遮住它的眼睛）瞧，你的生日还有一个半月，如果我把那个礼物也忘了，怎么办？

Chandler

You are totally and completely 100% forgiven.

我完全、彻底、百分之百地原谅你。

Monica

We have got to wash that! (Referring to the sock bunny.)

我们要把它洗一洗！（指着袜子巴尼兔。）

Chandler

Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.)

对！（从手上取下，扔到床头柜后面。）

Monica

Do you remember that jacket you love so much, that you thought was too expensive?

你记得那件很贵，但你很喜欢的夹克吗？

Chandler

You have done enough!

你已经为我做了很多了！

Monica

I wanna wake up early and go get it for you!

我准备早起为你买来！

Chandler

No you don't---get it in black, not brown.

不，你不必……要黑的，不要棕色的。

(The oven dings.)

（烤箱叮了一声。）

Monica

Oop, your cake is ready!

哦，你的蛋糕好了！

Chandler

Oop!

哦！

(They both get out of bed and go get some cake.)

（两人都下床去拿蛋糕。）

Chandler

Well, it's like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake.

啊，就像老人说的，来点性爱，再来块蛋糕。

(As they approach the kitchen, the door opens and in walks in a Joey look-a-like.)

（当他们走近厨房时，门开了，走进一个乔伊的模仿者。）

Joey's Look-A-Like

Hey Mon! Hey Chann! (He goes to the fridge) Just gettin' a soda! (Does so.)

嗨Mon！嗨Chann！（他走到冰箱）拿瓶汽水！（照做。）

Monica

Who the hell are you?!

你到底是谁？

Joey's Look-A-Like

I'm Joey! How you doin'?!

我是Joey！你咋样啊？

Joey

(entering) No! No! No! No! No! How you doin'?! How you doin'---Damnit Carl! Go wait in the hall! (Goes into the hall.)

（进来）不！不！不！不！不！你怎么样？你怎么样？见鬼Carl！楼道里等着去！（走到走廊。）

Joey

Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl.

嘿，我必须为Carl的行为道歉。

Chandler

Who the hell is Carl?!

Carl到底是谁？

Joey

Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.

哦，我没提到过他？Carl是我雇来扮演我的孪生兄弟的。我准备参加一个医学研究项目。

Chandler

Y'know sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they?

你知道有时好主意就在你眼前，不是吗？

Joey

Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Y'know? The only problem is, Carl's acting is... (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)

哦，我知道这有点疯狂，不过我认为也许能行得通。唯一的问题是，Carl的演技实在是……（做国际通用的“一般般”手势。）

Monica

The only problem!

唯一的问题？

Joey

Yeah, he's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.

是啊，你们记不记得几年前我没能出演那个大型钟点女工广告？就赖他！我们演兄弟俩，可他搞砸了。

Carl

(sticking his head back in) Hey, uh can I get a little piece of that cake?

Carl：（探头回来）嘿，嗯……我能来块蛋糕吗？

Joey

(to Carl) Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!! (Carl does so.)

（对Carl）比萨饼！我们喜欢比萨饼！滚出去！（Carl照做。）

Phoebe

Pat Sajak?

Pat Sajak？

Rachel

Yep!

可以啊！

Phoebe

Alex Trebek?

Alex Trebek？

Rachel

Oh, of course!

哦，当然能！

Phoebe

Chuck Woolery?

Chuck Woolery？

Rachel

Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, who's ass I cannot kick.

绝对可以！Phoebe，你找不出任何一个打得过我的游戏节目主持人！

(They start to walk into the living room and notice someone's head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see it's Ross.)

（她们开始走进客厅，注意到有个人头从椅子后面露出来。镜头切到另一边，我们看到是罗斯。）

Rachel

Say it!

说！

Phoebe

Say we are unagi!

说我们是Unagi！

Ross

It's not something you are! It's something you have!

它不是你们能成为的东西！它是你们有的东西！

Rachel

Say it!

说呀！

Ross

Y'know what? I can easily get out of this, but there is a chance you can get very, very hurt!

你知道吗？我很容易挣脱的，不过那样你们就会受很重、很重的伤！

(Rachel yanks on his legs again and he groans in pain.)

（瑞秋又拉他的腿，他痛苦地呻吟。）

Joey

All right Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is not gonna be?

好了，Carl，就到我们了。现在记住，别成为什么？

Carl

Another Minute Maid fiasco.

Carl：又一个失败的钟点女工。

Joey

That's right! And what are you not gonna do?

对！还有，你不许做什么？

Carl

Well, I'm not gonna talk because...

Carl：嗯，我不许说话，因为……

Joey

(gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.)

（非常生气）见鬼Carl！（Carl还想说什么，乔伊一声咕噜让他闭嘴。）

The Doctor

(entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)

（进来）（对接待员）能见下一对吗？（拿过表格。）Joey 和 Tony Tribbiani。（乔伊和Carl站起来。）

Joey

That's us.

我们就是。

The Doctor

(seeing they're not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins.

（看到他们不是同卵）可是……这是个同卵双胞胎的研究。

Joey

That's right, $2,000.

对啊，2,000大洋。

The Doctor

But, you're not identical twins.

可你们不是同卵双胞胎啊。

Joey

Damnit Carl!

见鬼Carl！

Chandler

Oh my good God.

我的老天爷！

Monica

Hey! Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. Tonight, No. 3, macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs.

嘿！接着倒数你爱吃的东西吧！今晚，第三位，通心面和奶酪浇碎热狗。

Chandler

Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now.

嗨，你已经做的够多了！你必须住手。

Monica

I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me.

当然，不过不是今晚。至于晚餐音乐，我想应该来听听你为我做的磁带。

Chandler

Oh, the mixed tape.

哦，混录磁带。

(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)

（莫妮卡按下播放键，《The Way You Look Tonight》开始播放。）

Monica

The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me?

真的有“The Way You Look Tonight”！和我跳舞吧？

(He hesitates, then goes over to dance with her.)

（他犹豫了一下，然后走过去和她跳舞。）

Monica

You are just the sweetest.

你对我最好了。

(They kiss.)

（他们接吻。）

(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Here's a hint, OH...MY...GAWD!! That's right, it's Janice!)

OH……MY……GAWD！！没错，是Janice！）

Janice

I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) That's why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!

Janice：我喜欢你每晚的样子，Chandler！（莫妮卡停止接吻，钱德勒吓得僵住了。）所以我做了这盘磁带！生日快乐！爱你的Janice！

Chandler

No! You're the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.)

不！你才对我最好呢！（他想吻她，但莫妮卡退开，脸上带着能杀人的表情。）

The Instructor

Okay ladies, that ends today's class, and let's remember, let's be safe out there.

好了女士们，今天的课就到这里。记住，在外面要注意安全。

(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)

（女人们都鼓掌，开始离开，罗斯走向教练。显然他一直躲在后面。）

Ross

It's a great class.

课讲得真好。

The Instructor

Thanks.

谢了。

Ross

Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?

嗯，我旁听来着。（教练只是点点头走开。）嗯，嗨，我有个问题。嗯，最后那个……那个女的绊倒你，然后把你按在地上的动作……接下来……接下来你会怎么做？

The Instructor

Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them...

哦，她应该掏出钥匙插到……

Ross

No. No-no. No. What would you do next?

不。不不。不，你接下来怎么做？

The Instructor

Who? Me the attacker?

谁？我这个侵犯者？

Ross

Yes that's right.

对，没错。

The Instructor

Why?

干吗问这个？

Ross

I tired attacking two women, did not work.

我本来想攻击两个女人，结果失败了。

The Instructor

What?!

什么？

Ross

No, I mean it's okay, I mean, they're-they're my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.

不，这没什么。我是说，她们……她们是我的朋友。实际上，我……我曾和她们中一位结过婚。

The Instructor

Let me get this straight man, you attacked your ex-wife?!

老兄，让我们说明白点，你攻击了你的前妻？

Ross

Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldn't. That's why I'm here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-that's a no.

哦，不！不不！我试图攻击！可没成功。所以我来找你呀。也许我们可以一起攻击他们？（他瞪着罗斯。）你……你不同意。

Chandler

I am so, so, so, so sorry!

我非常、非常、非常、非常抱歉！

Monica

(not buying it) Uh-huh.

（不相信）哼唧。

Chandler

And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)

我会在那里做任何你喜欢的菜（指着厨房），而且在那里做任何你喜欢的事！（指着卧室。）

Monica

(pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin' me?!

（指着厨房）对，你要去的！（指着卧室）至于那里，你开玩笑吧？

Chandler

Come on Monica, it's our Valentine's Day. Please? Please-please, please?

来吧，Monica，这是我们的情人节啊！求你了……求求你了……

Monica

Okay.

好吧。

Chandler

Okay. (They hug.)

好。（他们拥抱。）

Janice's Voice

(singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!

Janice的声音：（唱）我有趣的情人，甜蜜的卡通情人！你让我的心飞上了云霄！

(Monica breaks the hug and starts for the bedroom.)

（莫妮卡松开拥抱，开始向卧室走去。）

Chandler

So, are we going in there?

那，我们一起进去？

Monica

I am!! (Enter her room and closes the door behind her.)

我一个人进去！（走进她的房间，关上了门。）

Janice's Voice

(singing) You're look for laughable...(She does the now patented Janice laugh.)

Janice的声音：（唱）你在找一个可笑的……（她发出那个招牌的Janice笑声。）

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Ross

Ah-ha, nowhere to run! (He starts to run towards them.)

啊哈，跑不了了！（他开始朝她们跑去。）

Rachel

I don't like sitting up here! I'm just gonna over... (She starts to get up.)

我不想坐在这儿！我要过去……（她开始起身。）

Phoebe

(stopping her) No Rachel! They got here first!

（拦住她）不Rachel！他们先到的！

(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)

（罗斯出现在她们后面的窗外，蹲在垃圾箱后面，准备对误以为是菲比和瑞秋的人发动攻击。镜头切到外景，菲比和瑞秋在里面看着。）

Phoebe

Why is Ross doing that?

Ross在干吗呢？

Ross

DANGER!!!!

危险！

Rachel

Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women!

哦天啊！他干吗扑向那些女的？

Phoebe

We should help him!

我们应该去帮助她们！

Rachel

I... Well, I don't think they need any help.

我……哦，我觉得她们不需要帮助。

(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)

（罗斯开始尖叫着逃跑。他在中央珀克咖啡馆窗前停下查看追兵，注意到菲比和瑞秋在里面看着他。他嘴型问“什么？”然后意识到他攻击的那两个女人正在逼近，于是他尖叫着跑开。）

End

结束