The One That Could Have Been

{Transcriber's Note: This is where Part II begins, which means this is now episode 616.}

下集开始，现在是第616集。）

Ross

So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how-how are you gonna start to find...

宝贝，关于三人行的事，你准备怎么约人呢？

Carol

Ooh, actually I've been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!

我列了张表，把准备约的女人都列出来了。

Ross

Oh. (He takes the notepad she was using and looks at it.) Wow! (Flips to another page.) Huh. (Flips another page.) Boy! (Flips another page.) Well, someone's been doing their homework. (Flips two more pages.)

哦。（他拿过她用的便笺本看了看。）哇！（翻到另一页。）啊。（又翻一页。）天啊！（又翻一页。）有人真没少做功课。（又翻两页。）

Carol

Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so...

我知道葛尔拉丝藤出现了两次，但她实在太辣了……

Ross

Oh, I know. (Laughs) Y'know, just-just talking about it is getting me kinda...

我知道。（笑）光嘴上说说，已经让我蠢蠢欲动。

Carol

Oh, me too.

我也是。

Ross

Yeah? Well, I-I think Ben's asleep.

是吗？班睡着了。

Carol

Oh umm, y'know I think it would be better if we just save it.

我认为我们应该留到下次一块做。

Ross

Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. (Gets up and does a little kara-tay.)

好的，留着。我能做到。（站起来做了个空手道动作。）

Ross

Hey, Pheebs!

嘿，菲比！

Phoebe

Hey.

嘿。

Ross

Hey, how's it going?

嘿，恢复得怎样？

Phoebe

Well, I've got to get out of this bed, I'm going crazy here. Crazy!

我得下床，让人发疯！

Monica

(handing her a cup) Here you go sweetie.

（递给她一杯东西）喝点这个，甜心。

Phoebe

What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea!

这是什么鬼东西，中草药？我讨厌中草药！

Monica

But, I put some honey in it.

但我有放糖。

(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)

（菲比学莫妮卡说话。罗斯把钱德勒拉到一边。）

Ross

She doesn't know she was fired yet, does she?

她还不知道她被解雇了，对吧？

Chandler

No, the doctors say it may kill her.

医生说这会要她的命的。

Phoebe

What are you two girls whispering about over there?!

你们两个妞在那边嘀咕什么呢？！

Chandler

(To Ross) But I think we should tell her.

（对罗斯）我想告诉她。

Ross

Hey Pheebs, maybe this whole heart attack thing is a sign, that-that you should start think about getting a different job.

菲比，也许心脏病是暗示你应该考虑换个工作了。

Phoebe

Okay, what is this? A stupid contest? Because we got a winner here! (Points at Ross.)

太逼真了！我知道。他名叫帕特（拍拍）！拍拍狗狗，哦！我懂你的幽默！（指着罗斯。）

Chandler

Listen Phoebe, he's right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.

你要再加满吗？菲比，他说得对。31岁不该得心脏病。

Phoebe

I know! But if I didn't work there, what else would I do?

好象不能再喝了？满上！！我知道！可要是不在那儿上班，我还能干什么？

Monica

Well, you used to like playing the guitar.

你以前喜欢弹吉他。

Phoebe

Yeah that was lucrative! Smart like your brother!

哇，好象下雨一样！很酷吧？但如果你想放鱼进去，你就错了。能上一下洗手间吗？

Chandler

Uh, what about y'know the massage thing? That never gave you a heart attack.

请便。按摩怎么样？那不会让你得心脏病。

Phoebe

Hmm, pulling in a salary in the high six figures or rubbing gross naked people for chump change---ooh, what do I do?! What will I do?!

天啊，一星期前要是有人告诉我，我会在乔伊·崔比昂尼的公寓里尿尿。生命够奇妙吧！是啊！你饿了吧，头盘上牡蛎；你听说过关于牡蛎的传言吧？有寄生虫？不！有人说牡蛎可以壮阳。谁说的？有人！有人说的！过来！食牡蛎？之后来一些东方风味的蒸粗麦粉，我们可以用手抓着吃。这很有趣，不过会传染疾病。不！这很性感！哦！是吗，好！好！别！你感觉有点无聊？有一点。所以我去弄了点吃的。一块三明治，火鸡和一点芥末。听来很好吃。是很美味！嘿！嘿！昨晚我和一个妞过夜了！哦，那不就是你吗！嘿，我成了个荡妇！今晚再做点什么好吗？今晚不行，罗杰医生要来。对啊，你还跟他约会来着，他人不错。我还记得有一次你还好？很好！你呢？好得不得了！以前见到罗杰医生我特紧张；自从和你胡混过，我跃跃欲试，想立刻跟他见面。他就快来了。我没预约，但我可用身体引诱他。你确定没有不爽？别担心我，我好得很！哦！天啊，巴利！是你说你周末不在的！我好抱歉！回来早了！请接着享受！惊喜吗！看谁回来了！嘿菲比！嘿。叫保安。菲比，你不是被解雇了？才没有！菲比？杰克！！嘿！你还来干什么？我一康复就回来工作！调研科的这个小丑说我被炒了，我看他没好好做功课。你的确被炒了。不可能！那天我叫接电话的人转告你的，反正我没听说过，不算！我回办公室。菲比，你没办公室了。没关系，我就在这里工作。在植物旁边。菲比，听好，你侵犯我的领地！我给公司赚了那么多钱！比索！日圆！卢布！你开除我是愚蠢的。你让我们蒙受1300万美金的损失。不过是损失点钱罢了！我已经够惨的了......糟糕，老天爷跟我开玩笑！你怎么了？我心脏病复发！什么？！我心脏病复发！快打911求助！别急。笨蛋！嘿菲比，近来如何？我被解雇了而且心脏病复发。哇！欢迎回来。好吧。嗨，罗斯！嘿，瑞秋。乔伊·崔比昂尼在吗？没在。你看到他就转告他，我在找他，这次我不会呕吐了！你没事吧？我很好！你知道谁不好？男人！你是个男人对吧罗斯？！我是。坐！好。我来问问你。婚姻对男人是不是狗屁？为什么女人说要出城，男人就在家乱搞？我们很抱歉。婚姻的圣洁为何被践踏？你昨天在乔伊家过夜？你干什么的？侦探？我不知道你们两口子之间发生了什么，我也不了解那个第三者，但男人并非全是一路货色。哦。有的男人不惜一切挽救婚姻，甚至愿意眼巴巴看着老婆和她萍水相逢的女人上床；这只能算两人行罢了。你说的男人是？我认识的男人。你告诉他，他老婆大约是同志。她才不是。她是，天啊！她太同志了！难以置信！今天真是婚姻地狱。很遗憾你丈夫有外遇。很遗憾你老婆是同志。我想女人也不全都是好东西。你去跟我老婆讲。我能进来吗？请进，随便吃。罗杰医生又被医院叫走了。我知道，你知道谁呼的他吗？什么？！我就是那个脾破裂的病患。你为什么这样做？因为我反对你同他在一起。你应该和我交往。说真的？你提起罗杰的语气要了我的命。昨晚那件事不能过了就算了，至少对我意义重大。你和其他两个女人不同。和她们上床，通常我都早起，急着去见朋友；但是你，你就是我的朋友。钱德！我知道你也许不太乐意同我交往。我乱开玩笑，从不认真谈恋爱，我又不是医生。你另外只有一个女人，对吧？不，两个。包括我？是的。两次心脏病突发，你就会转变。一次还不足以警醒你，两次就把自由还给你，和仇恨与愤怒说再见。我将要这么干。等那些混蛋老板全完蛋！

Rachel

Ohh, I mean it's just so realistic!

哦，太逼真了！

Joey

I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. You'll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.

我知道。（乔伊坐在一个由杆上球体组成的高椅子上。你得亲眼看见才知道。) 是的，他叫帕特。

Rachel

Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!! (Laughs and finishes her drink.)

拍拍狗狗。哦！懂你的幽默！（笑，喝完饮料。）

Joey

(climbing down from his chair) Do you uh, do you---ready for a refill?

（从椅子上爬下来）你想再加满吗？

Rachel

Oh, I probably shouldn't---so I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! It's like it's raining!

好象不能再喝了？满上！！（乔伊开始给她续杯，瑞秋注意到乔伊那个“下雨”的东西。）哇，好象下雨一样！

Joey

Pretty cool, huh? But if you're thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldn't get sucked up into the mechanism, well you'd be wrong.

很酷吧？但如果你想放鱼进去，你就错了。

Rachel

Umm, can I use your bathroom?

能上一下洗手间吗？

Joey

It's uh, right through there. (Points.)

请便。（指方向。）

Rachel

Okay. (Starts to go.) God y'know, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbiani's apartment...

天啊，一星期前要是有人告诉我，我会在乔伊·崔比昂尼的公寓里尿尿……

Joey

Yeah, life's pretty great isn't it?

生命够奇妙吧？

Rachel

Yeah, it sure is!

是啊！

Monica

I hope you're hungry, we're starting with oysters. And y'know what they say about oysters, don't you?

你饿了吧，头盘上牡蛎。你听说过关于牡蛎的传言吧？

Dr. Roger

They have parasites?

有寄生虫？

Monica

No! Umm well, some people say that Oysters are an aphrodisiac.

不！有人说牡蛎可以壮阳。

Dr. Roger

What people?

谁说的？

Monica

People! People say it! Come here! (She grabs him and kisses him.)

有人！有人说的！过来！（她抓住他吻他。）

Dr. Roger

So oysters, huh?

食牡蛎，呃？

Monica

And then we're gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.

之后来一些东方风味的蒸粗麦粉，我们可以用手抓着吃。

Dr. Roger

Y'know, it's funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases...

这很有趣，不过我们学传染病的时候……

Monica

No-no-no, no! It's sensual!

不！这很性感！

Dr. Roger

Ohh! Didn't know! Okay!

哦！是吗，好！

Monica

Okay! (They kiss again and his beeper goes off.) Ohhh no!

好！（他们再次接吻，他的寻呼机响了。）哦，不！

Dr. Roger

I'm sorry sweetie, it's the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?

对不起，甜心，医院找我。食物很棒，能给我留点吗？

Monica

I can't promise anything. (She starts to dig in.)

难说！（她开始吃起来。）

Ross

We're really gonna do this, huh?

真做？

Carol

Looks like it.

好象是。

Ross

Y'know, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at... (A knock on the door interrupts him.)

如果你觉得古怪，我们可以取消……（敲门声打断了他。）

Carol

(jumping up to get it) I got it!

（跳起来去开门）来了！

Ross

Okay.

好。

Carol

(opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Who'd you think it was gonna be?)

（开门）苏珊！嗨！（你以为会是谁？）

Susan

Hey! (They hug.)

嘿！（她们拥抱。）

Carol

Thank you so much for coming.

你来了我很高兴。

Susan

Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world.

我说什么也不会错过。

(They start moving towards the bedroom, never taking their eyes off each other. They move past Ross and stop.)

（她们开始走向卧室，视线从未离开过对方。她们经过罗斯身边停下。）

Ross

I'm-I'm Ross by the way.

顺便提一下，我是罗斯。

Susan

(not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what you've done with this space.

（眼睛不离卡萝）哈罗，罗斯。（脱掉外套递给他。）我喜欢你们这里的布置。

Carol

Thank you so much.

谢谢你。

(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susan's coat.)

（她们消失在卧室里，留下罗斯站在客厅里拿着苏珊的外套。）

Ross

How hot is this?!

好辣？！

Chandler

I'm sorry you're here with me instead of Roger.

很遗憾是我坐在这里，而不是罗杰。

Monica

Yeah, me too.

我也很遗憾。

Chandler

Well, I could make it seem like he's here. (Imitates him.) "Here's some little known facts about cous-cous. They didn't add the second cous until 1979." (Mumbles something further.)

我可以装成他。（模仿他）“关于粗麦粉，有一些鲜为人知的事实。在1979以前，它们都叫做cous而不是couscous。”

Monica

Stop it!! That's not funny!!

别说了！！这不好笑！！

Chandler

Okay.

好吧。

Monica

I'm sorry, okay? It just---tonight was supposed to be y'know, it was supposed to be a big deal.

对不起，好吗？本来今晚非同寻常的。

Chandler

What was tonight?

有什么不同？

Monica

You don't want to know what tonight was.

你没兴趣知道的。

Chandler

Okay. (Pause.) What was tonight?

好吧。（停顿。）今晚怎么了？

Monica

Well, tonight was---was going to be my first time.

我的第一次。

Chandler

With Roger? (Monica shyly looks away.) Not just with Roger?! (Monica shrugs.) Oh my God!

和罗杰？（莫妮卡羞涩地转过脸。）不只是和罗杰？天啊！

Monica

All right relax Mr. I've Had Sex Four Times!

别当真，先生！我做过四次！

Chandler

Four different women! I've had sex way more times!

我和四个女人上过床！做过不知道多少次！

Monica

How many?

多少次？

Chandler

Nine.

九次。

Monica

I was just waiting for the perfect guy.

我只是在等我的王子。

Chandler

Well good, good for you. You really think that Roger is the perfect guy?

这不错。你认为罗杰是你的王子吗？

Monica

No. He's not a horrible guy.

不，他还不坏啦。

Chandler

Hey that's what I tell girls about me.

嘿，我通常跟女孩们这样形容我。

Monica

Chandler, I'm gonna die a virgin!

钱德，我到死都是处女身了！

Chandler

No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.

不会的！你这么可爱这么棒，你会遇到好男人的。

Monica

Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?

真的？几时？你会和我做吗？

Chandler

Okay. (They both realize what he just said.)

好。（两人都意识到他刚才说了什么。）

Monica

I was kidding.

我开玩笑。

Chandler

So was I.

我也是。

Rachel

Joey, you're such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?

乔伊，你演技出神入化！你怎能分辨缀克医生和乔伊·崔比昂尼的界限呢？

Joey

Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.

缀克医生呢，台词是现成的；乔伊呢，我就得自己想台词。

Rachel

Wow! Tell me something Joey---(She falls off the couch)---Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.

哇！乔伊，我还想听听——（她从沙发上摔下来）哇！我摔下沙发了。

Joey

Yeah you did.

没错。

Rachel

Okay. (She climbs back onto the couch.)

好。（她爬回沙发。）

Joey

Here you go. Let me ask you a question.

我问你个问题。

Rachel

Yeah?

什么？

Joey

When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are?

上次别人说你漂亮是什么时候？

Rachel

Wow! I can't, I can't feel my hands.

哇！我手足无措。

Joey

Come, come here.

过来。

(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)

（他握住她的手，亲吻每一只，然后吻她的嘴唇。吻结束后，瑞秋开始恶心呕吐。乔伊惊恐地后退。）

Chandler

We can't do this.

不行。

Monica

No! (They both laugh.) Oyster?

别这样！吃点牡蛎？

Chandler

Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, y'know? Because you've been waiting a very long time and I wouldn't want to disappoint you.

好！（接过来说）我压力大，你等得太久，我不想让你失望。

Monica

Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if you're horrible, how would I know?

我没法比较。就算你不够强，我又怎么知道？

Chandler

I do like that.

听来不错。

Monica

It's harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!

我才有压力呢，我要和你那四个女人竞争！

Chandler

Well, if it helps there were only three. So it would just be for tonight, right?

你别有压力，其实只有三个。只限于今晚对吧？

Monica

Absolutely! It would just be one friend (Points at Chandler) helping out another friend. (Points at herself.)

当然！只是朋友间的互相帮助而已。

Chandler

Stop it! We're doing this! Let's do it!

还是算了；说做就做！

Monica

Noo!! Okay!!

不！！来吧！

Chandler

Okay! (They both get up.)

好！（两人都站起来。）

Monica

Umm, do you have any uhh, moves?

你知道步骤？

Chandler

I have some moves.

知道一些。

Monica

I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin' there?! (Giggles.) Oh y'know what? I'm sorry, this is just too weird.

我不懂。好吧，你在干嘛？对不起，这太奇怪了。

Chandler

Yeah, let's just forget it.

算了吧，我们忘掉这事。

Monica

What if I turn out the lights? (Runs to shut them off.)

关灯怎么样？（跑去关灯。）

Chandler

Okay!

好！

(She turns out the lights and in the darkened room Chandler starts to moan.)

（她关了灯，在黑暗的房间里钱德勒开始呻吟。）

Chandler

Oh yeah.

耶。

Monica

Chandler?

钱德？

Chandler

(sexily) Yeah?

（性感地）什么？

Monica

That's the couch.

你摸的是沙发。

Commercial Break

广告时间

Chandler

Oh my God!

天啊！

Monica

I know! I'll tell you something, we are gonna do that again!

是啊！再做一次好不好？

Chandler

Oh, okay! (He rolls over to do that again.)

哦，好！（他翻过身要再来。）

Joey

(entering) Morning!

（进来）早上好！

Rachel

(wakes up suddenly and realizes where she is) Oh right.

（突然醒来，意识到自己在哪儿）早上好。

Joey

Yeah.

恩。

Rachel

(groans) Oh God. Oh I can't believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up!

（呻吟）哦，想不到乔伊·崔比昂尼竟看见我呕吐！

Joey

Well he actually saw you a little bit too.

看得还不少。

Rachel

Noo! Oh God we did---we didn't, we didn't uhh...

不！哦上帝，我们做了？没做吧？

Joey

No! No! No, not after seeing that.

不！不！你呕吐，没做成。

Rachel

God I'm just a horrible person.

我是个坏女人。

Joey

Wh-why?

怎么这么说？

Rachel

Because I'm married. That's right, I am a married woman! And I came to a TV star's apartment to have an affair! Uck!

我结过婚的。一个已婚女人！却跑到电视明星家乱来！

Joey

That's ridiculous! I'm not a "Star," just a regular famous actor.

这么讲不对！我不是什么明星，只是一般的名演员而已。

Rachel

Yeah and I'm a horrible, horrible person.

对，而我是个很差劲的女人。

Joey

Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me...

瑞秋，别这么说？！还记得电视里Caprice死前给我的……

Rachel

The ring from the cave, yeah.

洞里魔戒，记得。

Joey

Wow! Uh okay, well uh... (He gets up, opens a drawer, and pulls out the ring.)

哇！好的。（他站起来，打开抽屉，拿出戒指。）

Rachel

(seeing the ring and gasping) Oh my God, they let you keep that stuff?!

（看到戒指，倒吸一口气）天啊，竟可以带出来？！

Joey

Sure! As long as they don't find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.

当然啦！只要不被发现，想带走什么都可以！我想把它送给你。

Rachel

No! No-no-no...

不！不——

Joey

Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, you've had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didn't. And that's what this ring stands for.

拿着吧！以后你每次看到它，你就会记起自己是个好人。你本有外遇的机会，和我乱来，但你克制住了。这就是戒指的含义。

Rachel

But I thought that ring stood for Caprice's undying love for her brother.

可我本以为这戒指代表了Caprice对她哥哥至死不渝的爱。

Joey

Look, do you want the ring or not?!

你到底要不要？

Rachel

Yeah!

要！

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Look at you! You're up!

瞧瞧，你下床了！

Joey

All right!

没什么！

Phoebe

I thought I'd try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? I'll be back soon.

我想走走。给我倒杯水，我马上回来。

Joey

Whoa-whoa-whoa! You're not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?

哇，你想打电话给公司对吧？

Phoebe

No. I've learned my lesson.

不，我听话得很。

(She goes out into the hall and when she's there and the door is closed; she rips off her robe to reveal her work clothes.)

（她走到走廊，关上门，扯掉睡袍露出工作服。）

Phoebe

Let's go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man who's holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)

快！鞋！公事包！谢谢你，卢先生，祝福你的胆囊。（她离开。）

Ross

Hey Joe did... Did you ever have a threesome?

嘿，乔，你有过三人行的经验吗？

Joey

(not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carol's great and I'm sure you're a very attractive man, but I....

（不太确定该怎么回答）罗斯，卡萝很棒，你也够吸引人，但我……

Ross

No! The reason I'm asking is that... I sorta had one last night.

不！我这么问是因为我昨晚有过类似经验。

Joey

You?

你？

Ross

Yeah!

是啊！

Joey

Wow!

哇！

Ross

Yeah!

没错！

Joey

All right! So, was it amazing?

滋味如何？

Ross

It was, it was okay.

还可以啦。

Joey

Just okay---Did you do it right?!

只是可以而已？你有没有做对？

Ross

Look, it's just did, did you ever go to a party and think, "Would really anyone miss me if I weren't here?"

是这样，你有没参加什么派对时会想，如果我离席，会不会有人挂念我呢？

Joey

Huh. But still Ross, you're worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Y'know what I mean?

明白了。不过罗斯，和两个女人上床即使很糟，也比其他任何一天都棒。你明白我意思？

Ross

Oh-oh, absolutely!

当然明白！

(They both laugh.)

（两人都笑。）

Ross

It's just, my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then, and then there was a lot of waiting around.

只是我参与的时间似乎太短，老让我干等。

Joey

But you got to be with both of them, right?

但你和两个人都做了对吧？

Ross

Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.

倒不是，只和卡萝做了。

Joey

Not the other one?

另一个没上手？

Ross

No, she kept kicking me away!

她老踢开我！

Joey

Yeah, you don't want that.

这可不好受。

Ross

No!

不好受！

Joey

Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?

至少你大饱眼福了，对吧？

Ross

Oh I a lot of stuff!

大开眼界！

Joey

You got a little bored?

你感觉有点无聊？

Ross

A little. Yeah. I made a snack.

有一点。我去弄了点吃的。

Joey

Yeah? What did ya have?

你做什么了？

Ross

Just a sandwich. Turkey, a little mustard...

一块三明治，火鸡和一点芥末。

Joey

Sounds good.

听来很好吃。

Ross

It really was!

是很美味！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!

昨晚我和一个妞过夜了！哦，那不就是你吗！

Monica

Hey, check me out, I'm a slut!

嘿，我成了个荡妇！

Chandler

So you uh, want to do something tonight?

今晚再做点什么好吗？

Monica

Oh I can't. Dr. Roger is coming over again.

今晚不行，罗杰医生要来。

Chandler

Oh. Oh right! Right! Because you're still seeing him and uh, he's a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when... (He fakes falling asleep.)

对啊，你还跟他约会来着，他人不错。我还记得有一次……（他假装睡着。）

Monica

Are you okay?

你还好？

Chandler

Yeah! Totally! Totally, and you?

很好！你呢？

Monica

Great! It's so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you I'm all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"

好得不得了！以前见到罗杰医生我特紧张；自从和你胡混过，我跃跃欲试，想立刻跟他见面。

Chandler

I bet he can.

他就快来了。

Monica

Y'know, I don't have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure you're okay?

我没预约，但我可用身体引诱他。你确定没有不爽？

Chandler

Oh yeah! Yeah! Don't worry about me, I'll be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)

别担心我，我好得很！（做了个空手道动作。）

Rachel

Ohh! My God! Barry!!

哦！天啊，巴利！

Barry

You-you-you said you were gonna be away all weekend!

是你说你周末不在的！

Rachel

Oh that's right! I'm sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!

我好抱歉！回来早了！请接着享受！

Phoebe

Surprise! Look who's back!

惊喜吗！看谁回来了！

Arthur

Hey Pheebs!

嘿，菲比！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Arthur

(To another coworker) Call security. (To Phoebe) Pheebs, didn't you get fired?

（对另一个同事）叫保安。（对菲比）菲比，你不是被解雇了？

Phoebe

Uh, I don't think so!

才没有！

Jack

Phoebe?

菲比？

Phoebe

Jack!! Hey!

杰克！！嘿！

Jack

What are you doing here?

你还来干什么？

Phoebe

All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?

我一康复就回来工作！调研科的这个小丑说我被炒了，我看他没好好做功课。

Jack

Well, you were fired.

你的确被炒了。

Phoebe

Nu-uh!

不可能！

Jack

I told that guy who answered your phone.

那天我叫接电话的人转告你的。

Phoebe

Oh, okay I didn't get that message. So this doesn't count---Anyway, I'll be in my office.

反正我没听说过，不算！我回办公室。

Jack

Uh, Phoebe you-you don't have an office.

菲比，你没办公室了。

Phoebe

That's all right, I'll work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)

没关系，我就在这里工作。在植物旁边。

Jack

(approaches her) Phoebe, listen...

（走近她）菲比，听好……

Phoebe

You're in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake...

你侵犯我的领地！我给公司赚了那么多钱！比索！日圆！卢布！你开除我是愚蠢的。

Jack

You lost 13 million dollars.

你让我们蒙受1300万美金的损失。

Phoebe

Oh, so this is all about money! Y'know it's bad enough that---Ow! Oh, you have got to be kidding!

不过是损失点钱罢了！我已经够惨的了……糟糕，老天爷跟我开玩笑！

Jack

Are you all right?

你怎么了？

Phoebe

I'm having another heart attack!

我心脏病复发！

Jack

What?!

什么？！

Phoebe

I'm having another heart attack!! Call 9-1-1!!

我心脏病复发！快打911求助！

Jack

Take it easy. (Sits her down.)

别急。（扶她坐下。）

Phoebe

(to Arthur, he's the guy calling 9-1-1) Dumbass!

（对正在打911的亚瑟）笨蛋！

Woman

Hey Pheebs! How's it going?!

嘿菲比，近来如何？

Phoebe

Well, they fired me and I'm having heart attack.

我被解雇了而且心脏病复发。

Woman

Wow! Well, welcome back!

哇！欢迎回来。

Phoebe

Yeah.

好吧。

Rachel

Hi Ross!

嗨，罗斯！

Ross

Hey Rachel.

嘿，瑞秋。

Rachel

Is Joey Tribbiani here?

乔伊·崔比昂尼在吗？

Ross

Umm, no.

没在。

Rachel

Well, if you see him, will you please tell him that I'm looking for him and that this I am not gonna throw up!

你看到他就转告他，我在找他，这次我不会呕吐了！

Ross

That-that's always good news. Are you okay?

你没事吧？

Rachel

Me? I'm great! I'm fine! I'm sooo good!! But, you know who's not great?! Men! You're a man right Ross?!

我很好！你知道谁不好？男人！你是个男人对吧罗斯？！

Ross

Yeah.

我是。

Rachel

Sit down!

坐！

Ross

Okay. (He does so.)

好。（坐下。）

Rachel

Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you we're going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbor's dog walker?!

我来问问你。婚姻对男人是不是狗屁？为什么女人说要出城，男人就在家乱搞？

Ross

We're sorry.

我们很抱歉。

Rachel

No seriously! Seriously! What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?!

婚姻的圣洁为何被践踏？

Ross

Didn't you spend last night at Joey's?

你昨天在乔伊家过夜？

Rachel

Aw what are you?! A detective?!

你干什么的？侦探？！

Ross

Look I-I don't know what's going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.

我不知道你们两口子之间发生了什么，我也不了解那个第三者，但男人并非全是一路货色。

Rachel

Oh. (Doesn't believe it.)

哦。

Ross

Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!

有的男人不惜一切挽救婚姻，甚至愿意眼巴巴看着老婆和她萍水相逢的女人上床；这只能算两人行罢了。

Rachel

Who are these men?

你说的男人是？

Ross

Men. A guy I know.

我认识的男人。

Rachel

Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is (whispers) gay.

你告诉他，他老婆大约是同志。

Ross

She is not... (Realizes) She's gay. Oh my God. She is so gay! I can't believe this.

她才不是……（意识到）她是同志。天啊！她太同志了！难以置信！

Rachel

Good day for married people huh?

今天真是婚姻地狱。

Ross

I'm sorry your husband cheated on you.

很遗憾你丈夫有外遇。

Rachel

I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women aren't that great either.

很遗憾你老婆是同志。我想女人也不全都是好东西。

Ross

Try telling my wife that.

你去跟我老婆讲。

Chandler

(sticking his head in the door) Okay to come in?

（探头）我能进来吗？

Monica

Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.

请进，随便吃。罗杰医生又被医院叫走了。

Chandler

Yeah I know, guess who beeped him?

我知道，你知道谁呼的他吗？

Monica

What?!

什么？！

Chandler

I'm the ruptured spleen. (Laughs.)

我就是那个脾破裂的病患。（笑。）

Monica

Why would you do that?

你为什么这样做？

Chandler

Because you shouldn't be with him. (Pause.) You should be with me.

因为我反对你同他在一起。你应该和我交往。

Monica

Really?

说真的？

Chandler

Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they don't just happen. Y'know? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning y'know I was just lying there and I couldn't wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always y'know with a friend.

你提起罗杰的语气要了我的命。昨晚那件事不能过了就算了，至少对我意义重大。你和其他两个女人不同。和她们上床，通常我都早起，急着去见朋友；但是你，你就是我的朋友。

Monica

Chandler!

钱德！

Chandler

I know you probably don't want to go out with me, y'know because I make too many jokes and I've never been in a serious relationship and I guess I'm not technically a "doctor..."

我知道你也许不太乐意同我交往。我乱开玩笑，从不认真谈恋爱，我又不是医生……

(Monica runs over and kisses him.)

（莫妮卡跑过去吻他。）

Monica

There was just one woman, wasn't there?

你另外只有一个女人，对吧？

Chandler

No, there were two.

不，两个。

Monica

Including me?

包括我？

Chandler

Oh yeah.

是的。

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Phoebe

(singing)

（唱）

It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see...

两次心脏病突发，你就会转变。

One of them won't do it, but the second one will set you free...

一次还不足以警醒你，两次就把自由还给你。

Tell all your hate and anger, it's time to say good-bye...

和仇恨与愤怒说再见。

And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die!

我将要这么干，等那些混蛋老板全完蛋！

La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la......

啦，啦啦啦，啦啦啦啦，啦啦啦，啦啦啦……

End

结束