The One That Could Have Been

Rachel

Hey, you guys! Guess what?

诸位，大新闻！

Rachel

Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce!

巴利和明蒂闹离婚了！

Monica

Oh my God!

天啊！

Phoebe

Wow!

哇！

Joey

(To Ross) What is the matter with you?!

（对罗斯）你什么毛病？！

Phoebe

No! Barry and Mindy.

错！说的是巴利和明蒂。

Joey

Oh sorry, I hear divorce I immediately go to Ross. (To Rachel) Who-who's Barry and Mindy?

抱歉，一听到离婚我就条件反射，以为是罗斯。（对瑞秋）巴利和明蒂是谁？

Rachel

Barry was the guy that I was almost married and Mindy was my best friend.

巴利差点成了我丈夫，明蒂是我的闺中密友。

Joey

Ohh-oh, wasn't he cheating on you with her?

哦，那他岂不是背着你和她乱搞？

Rachel

Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.

是，但他跟她睡觉，而不是跟我。

Monica

Why did they get divorced?

他们为什么离婚？

Rachel

Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isn't that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?

天啊，如果当初嫁给他，试问我的生活会变成怎样？

Ross

I know what you mean, I've always wondered how different my life would be if-if I'd never gotten divorced.

我明白你的感触，我也常常想如果我没离婚会怎样。

Phoebe

Which time?

哪一次？

Ross

The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadn't realized she was a lesbian.

第一次！老实说，如果卡萝没意识到她是同性恋该多好。

Joey

(starts to imagine it) I can't. I keep seeing it the good way.

（开始想象）我觉得女同志满好。

Ross

I'd bet I'd still be doing my kara-tay. (That's karate, he's just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from y'know, not doing anything else physical.

我肯定还在习武，练习空手道。在我的婚姻末期，我热衷空手道，以发泄因缺少某种体力活而积蓄的精力。

Chandler

Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it kara-tay.

也许问题出在你讲“空手道”时的发音吧。

Monica

And what if I was still fat? (To Chandler) Well, you wouldn't be dating me, that's for sure.

还有我！如果我还肥胖，（对钱德勒）你肯定不会跟我好。

Chandler

Sure I would!

我当然照样喜欢你！

All

(simultaneously) Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah right!

（同时）得了吧！

Chandler

What, you guys really think that I'm that shallow?

什么？你们都以为我那样浅薄？

Ross

No, I just think Monica was that fat.

非也，只是莫妮卡着实太胖。

Joey

Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, there's Carol again!

嘿，如果我没被《光辉岁月》炒鱿鱼！（闭眼想象）哦，又看见卡萝mm了！

Chandler

What if I had had the guts to quit my job? I'd probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my job's fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I don't have to wear a tie.

如果我有种，辞掉工作的话，那我可以给《纽约客》杂志供稿，以幽默为生。当然我现在的工作也满有意思的，明天不用戴领带。

Phoebe

What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?

如果当年我答应去Merrill Lynch证券交易所工作的话呢？

Ross

What?!

什么？！

Rachel

Merrill Lynch?

Merrill Lynch?

Phoebe

Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.

我有个按摩客户在那儿上班，他说我有做股票的潜质。

Rachel

Well why didn't you take the job?

那你怎么没去？

Phoebe

Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought y'know that if I'd work with stocks, I'd have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.

因为当时，我认为押韵的事会接二连三的发生！如果我做股票经济，我就得住在盒子里，只能吃熏鲑鱼，还养只狐狸当宠物。

Ross

Hey, do you guys think that if all those things happened, we'd still hang out?

嘿，如果生活像刚才说的那样，我们还会是好朋友吗？

Opening Credits

片头字幕

{Transcriber's note: This is where the opening credits are, but they're not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachel's still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then they're dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesn't apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}

这是片头字幕出现的地方，但不是通常的片头。哦不！这个片头是基于假设上述一切真的发生而创造的世界。开头是他们都在喷泉边坐在沙发上，胖莫妮卡跑过来坐到沙发扶手上，把整个沙发压向她那边。然后显示瑞秋仍是购物狂，与巴利在一起。胖莫妮卡一边做饭一边出汗，一边跳舞一边吃甜甜圈。菲比是华尔街大鳄，抽着烟同时打两个手机。然后他们在喷泉里跳舞。乔伊作为德雷克·雷莫瑞医生出现，遇到一个追星族。钱德勒写作时一只鸟在他肩头拉屎，他打字时睡着了。罗斯练空手道，试图把卡萝弄上床。最后，更多喷泉中的舞蹈，他们全都摆造型，然后关灯、关掉所有灯——这是第一季的桥段。记住一件事，这是另一个宇宙。其他所有剧集中的一切都不适用，例如，罗斯和瑞秋没有历史渊源。事实上，在这个世界里他们已经多年未见。）

Ross

(recognizing her) Oh my God! Rachel Green?

（认出她）天啊！瑞秋·格林？

Rachel

(gasps) Rob Tillman!

（倒吸气）鲍伯·提曼！

Ross

No-no. It's-it's me, Ross!

不，不，是我，罗斯！

Rachel

Oh, I'm sorry. Ross Tillman.

对不起，罗斯·提曼。

Ross

No, no-no, Ross Geller.

不，不不，罗斯·盖勒。

Rachel

Ohh, of course Monica's brother!

哦，当然，莫妮卡的哥哥！

Ross

Yeah. Right.

对。

Rachel

Wow! How are you?!

哇，你好吗？！

Ross

Good-good, I'm-I'm married. (Shows her his ring.)

很好，很好，我结婚了。（给她看戒指。）

Rachel

Ohh! Me too!

哦！我也结婚了！

Ross

Is-isn't it the best?

婚姻岂不是妙不可言？

Rachel

Oh, it's the best! (They both exhale contemplating the joys of marriage.) So, umm how's Monica?

的确。（两人都呼气，思忖婚姻的乐趣）那么，嗯，莫妮卡怎么样？

Ross

Oh really, really great! Yeah! A-actually she's right down the street, umm, do-do you know what? You should stop bye and say hi.

哦，真的，真的很好！事实上她就在附近街上，你知道该怎么着？去跟她打个招呼怎么样？

Rachel

Ohh, I would love too.

哦，好极了。

Ross

Yeah? Oh-oh, she'd be so excited!

是吗？哦哦，她会很激动的！

Rachel

Ohh! Okay!

好啊！

Ross

Come on! (They start to leave.)

走吧！（他们开始离开。）

Rachel

Oh wait, don't you have to pay for your, (looks at his magazine) Busty Ladies?

哦等等，你不是要买杂志吗？（看他的杂志）《性感女郎》？

Ross

No, it's okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I don't...

没关系的，是个小孩叫我代买的，咱们别管他了。

Rachel

(laughs) Oh yeah? Okay.

（笑）是吗？好吧。

Ross

(putting the magazine back and holding the money for it) Okay.

（把杂志放回去，手里拿着钱）好吧。

Rachel

But! Don't you have to give him his money back?

但是！你不用把钱还给他吗？

Ross

Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, let's go see Monica!

嗯。（走到旁边一个小孩跟前把钱递给他。）嘿，给你，伙计。抱歉，色情书刊不能给你。（对瑞秋）好了，咱们去看莫妮卡吧！

Joey

So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?

莫妮卡，你还在和“乏味医生”交往吗？

Monica

He's not boring! He's just-he's just low key.

他并不乏味！他只是比较低调而已。

Monica's Boyfriend

(returning) Here we go, one Hazelnut Latte. (Hands it to Monica and sits down.)

（回来）给你，一杯榛果拿铁咖啡。（递给她，坐下。）

Monica

Thanks.

多谢。

Monica's Boyfriend

Yeah. Y'know, the hazelnut actually not a nut, it's a seed.

其实榛果并不是果实，而是种子。

Joey

(not impressed) Wow!!

（不以为然）哇！！

Monica's Boyfriend

Can anyone else name a well known seed that's been masquerading as a nut?

还有什么种子看来像果实呢？

Joey

Oh dear God, let me think. (Starts to sarcastically think about it.)

哦天哪，那我得好好想想。（开始讽刺地思考。）

Chandler

(entering, depressed) Hey.

（沮丧地进来）嘿。

Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

Oh no! What's the matter?

怎么啦？

Chandler

Oh I just got another rejection letter. They said my writing was funny, just not "Archie Comic funny."

又收到一封退稿信。他们说我写得倒是很有趣，但不是他们要的那种。

Monica's Boyfriend

Y'know what honey? I got to get back to the hospital.

宝贝，我得回医院了。

Monica

Okay.

去吧。

Monica's Boyfriend

(kisses her) Okay.

（吻她）好。

Monica

Bye.

再见。

Monica's Boyfriend

Bye-bye. (Gets up to leave.) Oh uh, by the way, the answer is, the Brazil nut. (Exits.)

再见。（起身要走。）哦对了，答案是巴西豆。（离开。）

Chandler

Was his question what's more boring than him?

他是不是在问什么比他更乏味？

Joey

Hey man, look sorry about that Archie thing. Do uh, do you need me to give you some money?

嘿，伙计，你又被退稿，真替你难过。需要我借钱给你救急吗？

Chandler

Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.

嘿，我人穷志不短。

Joey

Really?

当真？

Chandler

Ehh.

呃……

Monica

Maybe Joey doesn't have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?

也许乔伊不用借钱给你，电视明星不都有助理吗？

Joey

That's an idea! (To Chandler) Hey, if I hired an assistant, would-would you take money from her?

好主意！（对钱德勒）嘿，如果我雇个助理，你会不会从她那儿领钱？

Monica

No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!

乔伊，不！你可以雇钱德啊！他可以代你给影迷回信什么的！

Joey

That's great! That would be great! Let's do that!

棒极了！就这么干！

Chandler

I could use the money; it could give me time to write.

这样我就有钱维持生活，也有时间写作了。

Joey

Oh right great! Welcome aboard!

真好！欢迎入伙！

Chandler

Okay!

好！

Joey

All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I don't need any assistance in there, take a break!

好了！现在我去洗手间，我入厕不需要助理，所以，你放假！

Chandler

All right!

好耶！

(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. She's wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)

（乔伊去洗手间时，白领菲比进来。她穿着职业套装，提着公文包。）

Phoebe

(entering) Hey!

（进来）嘿！

Monica

Hey Phoebe! Guess what?

嘿，菲比！知道吗？

Phoebe

What?

什么？

Monica

Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!

乔伊刚刚雇了钱德当助理！

Phoebe

Ohh that's so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.)

好可爱！（她的手机响了。）哦，别挂！（迅速抓出一支烟点燃，同时手机响。）等等！！！（点着烟，接电话。）

Phoebe

(On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, it's a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, it's okay. It's okay, you're allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.

（打电话）讲！！不！不，不！我说到50点就售出！５０，是个数字，排在49后面！算了，你犯点小错没什么。我开玩笑的，你当然被炒了！

(She hangs up as Ross and Rachel enter.)

（她挂断电话，罗斯和瑞秋进来。）

Ross

Hey Mon!

嘿，莫妮卡！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Mon, look who I ran into! (Gestures towards Rachel.)

莫妮卡，看我碰见谁了！（朝瑞秋示意。）

Monica

(gets up and gasps) Oh my God! Rachel!! (Rachel is stunned to see that her long lost friend is still fat.) (Monica goes over and gives Rachel a big bear hug, which is quite easy for her.) You look terrific!

（站起来倒吸气）天啊！瑞秋！！你真漂亮！（瑞秋惊讶地发现久违的朋友仍然胖着。莫妮卡走过去给了瑞秋一个大大的熊抱，这对她很容易。）

Rachel

Ohh, so do you! Did you lose weight? (She's not quite sure of that one.)

你也是！你减肥了？（她不太确定。）

Monica

You are so sweet to notice! Yes, I lost three and a half pounds!

你好可爱，竟然注意到了！是的，我减肥了3.5磅！

Ross

And, and uh, you-you remember my friend Chandler. (Points to him.)

还有，呃，你还记得我的朋友钱德吧。（指着他。）

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Rachel

Oh yeah.

哦，你好。

Ross

And that's Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)

那边是菲比。（指她。）

Phoebe

Hi!

你好。

Monica

Oh my God, sit down! Sit down! How long as it been since we've seen each other?

天哪，坐！坐！我们多长时间没见面了？

Ross

(answering it) 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahon's party. I played you one of my songs, y'know Interplanetary Courtship Ritual.

（回答）1987年，圣诞节过后那天，在肖恩·迈克曼家派对上最后一次见面。我为你表演了我的作品之一，《太阳系的求爱仪式》。

Rachel

Oh yeah. Right. So now, are---do you, do you still do music?

对。现在你还玩音乐吗？

Ross

Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! I'll play you one of my other...

有时候，你应该常来（乔伊从洗手间回来），我可以为你演奏几曲……

Rachel

(interrupting him and seeing Joey) Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here!

（打断他，看到乔伊）上帝啊！大明星乔伊·崔比昂尼，演《光辉岁月》的，居然走了进来！

Monica

Rach, he's a friend of ours.

瑞秋，他是我们的朋友。

Rachel

(stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?

（震惊）你们竟和瑞摩瑞医生交上了朋友？

Chandler

Well it's kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that he's not real.

和瑞摩瑞交朋友难度蛮高的，他那么忙，而且，他只是个虚拟人物。

Ross

(To Rachel) Hey-hey, or I could bring my keyboard over here sometime!

（对瑞秋）嘿，我可以把琴带过来给你表演！

Rachel

He's coming over! He's coming over!

他过来了！他过来了！

Monica

(getting up) Joey!

（站起来）乔伊！

Joey

(holding a plate of what looks like Rice Crispies Treats) I know, here-here!! (Hands her the plate.)

（端着一盘看起来像米花糖的东西）知道了，给你！！（把盘子递给她。）

Monica

Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.

哦！（接过盘子）不！这是我的高中同学瑞秋。

Rachel

(giggles and can't look at him) Hi!

（咯咯笑，不敢看他）嗨！

Joey

(shaking Rachel's hand) Hi!

（与瑞秋握手）嗨！

Rachel

(still not quite able to look at him) Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you...

（仍然不敢看他）嗨！我爱死了你的戏！每天必看！你明知你前妻意图杀你，还捐肾给她……

Joey

Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.

和影迷见面总是这么愉快。

Rachel

Ah!

啊！

Joey

(turning and whispering to Monica) She's not crazy is she?

（转身低声对莫妮卡）她不疯不傻吧？

Monica

No.

不。

Joey

(To Rachel) So uh, how you doin'?

（对瑞秋）过得怎么样？

Phoebe

Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Who's this? (Listens) Oh okay, you're gonna like working for me. What's your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I... Whatever... Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.

等等！等等！等等！（接起电话）讲！！你是谁？（听）哦，你想给我打工啊。叫什么名字？（听）布润蒂算是个什么名字？我……住口！从今天起你就改叫琼，姓什么你自己定。

Joey

(entering) Hey there you are!

（进来）嘿，你在这儿呢！

Chandler

Uh-oh, it's my boss!

哦，老板驾到！

Joey

All right, here's a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work I'm delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)

这是你今天的任务列表。谢谢你替我干活！！我要去工作了，给一对双胞胎接生，但只有其中之一是我的孩子！（离开。）

Chandler

(reading the list) Drop off my dry cleaning. Pick up my vitamins. Teach me how to spell vitamins. Wear in my new jeans.

（读列表）把我的衣服送去干洗；带上维他命；教我拼写“维他命”；把我的新牛仔裤穿穿大。

Monica

(laughs) You realize what you are don't you?

（笑）你知道你是什么角色了吗？

Chandler

What?

什么？

Monica

You're his bitch.

你像他的女人。

Phoebe

(yelling from Monica's room) No-no!! No!!

（从莫妮卡房间喊）不！！不！！

Monica

(panicked) Oh wait! You didn't just sit on my Kit-Kats did you?!!

（惊慌）等等！你不会坐到我的奇巧（巧克力）上面了吧？！

Phoebe

No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.

不是！股市小震荡，我损失了1300万美金。

Chandler

But the Kit-Kats are all right?!

但奇巧尚安然无恙吧？

Phoebe

What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! I can't call my office they'll kill me! I can't call my clients they'll kill themselves! Great, now my chest hearts.

如何是好？我不能告诉交易所，他们会杀了我！我不能告诉我的客户，他们会自杀！好极了，胸部巨痛。

Monica

What?!

怎么了？！

Phoebe

(louder) My chest hurts! Oh, and now I-I can't breathe.

（更响）胸部巨痛！无法呼吸了。

Chandler

Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!

菲比，你是否心脏病猝发？

Phoebe

Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?

如果是的话，左臂会不会上下牵痛？

Monica

Yes!!

是的！！

Phoebe

Then yes that is what I'm having. (Takes another puff of the cigarette.)

那就是心脏病。（又抽了一口烟。）

Monica

Oh my God!

天啊！

Commercial Break

广告时间

Ross

Come on Pheebs, it's not that bad! Y'know most people would be excited if they didn't have to work for a couple of weeks.

别这样，菲比，没那么糟！若有机会休假，很多人都会欣喜若狂。

Phoebe

Most people don't like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and I'm already going crazy. I miss Joan.

他们厌倦工作，而我爱工作！三个小时没干活了，我快疯了。我挂念琼。

Monica

Honey, having a heart attack is nature's way of telling you to slow it down.

宝贝，心脏病是上帝要你放慢节奏的信号。

Chandler

I always thought having a heart attack was nature's way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But you're not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but you're not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.

我还以为是上帝要人死的信号！（菲比瞪他。）当然你死不了。我是说，你将来会死，但不是今天。我真该死。

Monica

Let's take a walk. (They start to leave.) Y'know maybe you should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine! (They exit.)

我们出去走走。（他们开始离开。）把你的废话都留给你的破杂志去！（他们离开。）

Phoebe

(To Ross) So what's going on with you?

（对罗斯）你怎么回事？

Ross

Well umm, I've been doing a lot more of my kara-tay.

嗯，我对空手道着迷。

Phoebe

Still going through that dry spell with Carol?

卡萝对你仍旧爱理不理？

Ross

Yeah.

是啊。

Phoebe

How long has it been since you had sex?

你没有性生活多长时间了？

Ross

Well, last weekend...

上个周末……

Phoebe

Oh that's not so bad.

那还不算太糟。

Ross

...will be two months...

就到两个月了……

Phoebe

That is.

是吗。

Ross

...since I stopped trying.

自从我放弃努力算起。

Phoebe

Maybe you need to spice things up a little.

也许你该给性生活加点猛料。

Ross

What-what do you mean?

你是说？

Phoebe

I don't know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other...

你们可以互相捆绑；还可以把食物弄在对方身上并吃掉它。

Ross

Oh.

哦。

Phoebe

Y'know, dirty talk, ménage à trois, toys...

讲下流话，使用情趣用品，三人行……

Ross

Wow!

哇！

Phoebe

Roll playing... You could be the warden; she could be the prisoner. You could be the pirate; she could be the wench!

你扮监狱长而她扮囚犯。你扮海盗而她与你通奸。

Ross

Okay, I think I got it.

我明白了。

Phoebe

Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and you're-you're-you're rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybody's watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.

你们还可以扮两个证券经济人，裸身在众人面前滚来滚去！（罗斯看她。）纯属虚构。

Monica

Sorry. So how's it going with Joey?

抱歉。你和乔伊处得怎么样？

Chandler

Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "I'm with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "I'm lost and I can't find food."

哦，好极了。他现在用代码呼我。一号，“给我拿吃的。”二号，“我跟一女孩在一起，给我们拿吃的。”三号，“我迷路了，找不到吃的。”

Joey

(entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?

（进来）嘿，她会没事吧？

Monica

Yeah! She's right in there! (Points to Phoebe's room.)

是，她就在里面！（指菲比的病房。）

Joey

Oh great. (Starts to go in.) (To Chandler) Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!

太好了。（开始进去。）（对钱德勒）嘿！去把裤子脱了，看起来已经准备好了！

Joey

All right, and over there is Brady's Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.

好了，那边是布雷迪酒吧，我做完一整天外科手术后喜欢去那儿放松。

Rachel

Wow! This is so amazing! What else? What else?

哇！太棒了！还有呢？还有呢？

Joey

Well, that is a large piece of television equipment. (Points at a large piece of television equipment as an old man walks by.) And uh that is an old man! Hey old man!

嗯，那是一大块电视仪器。（指着一个大仪器，一个老头走过。）哦，那是个老头！嘿，老爷子！

Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

All righty, what do you say we head back to my place?

好了，来我家怎么样？

Rachel

(laughs) Wow! Umm, y'know, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldn't.

（笑）哇！嗯，我很想去，但不行。

Joey

Why? (In Drake's voice.) Why can't the world stop turning, just for a moment? Just for us?

为什么？（用德雷克的声音）为什么地球不能为你我停止转动？哪怕片刻？

Rachel

(awestruck, then not) Isn't that a line from the show?!

（先是敬畏，然后反应过来）这是台词吧？！

Joey

Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drake's voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.

呃，是啊，但（德雷克的声音）我虽然多次重复过这句话，但只有这一刻，我是真心的。

Rachel

That's a line from the show too!

这也是句台词！

Joey

Okay, you watch too much TV.

好吧，你电视看太多了。

Chandler

(approaching) Here you go Joe, here's the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. (Hands it to him.)

（走近）给你，乔，你要的鲜榨橙汁。（递给他。）

Joey

Thanks! (Looks at it.) Yeah, there's pulp in that. (Hands it back.)

谢了！（看了看）嗯，里面有果肉。（递回去。）

Chandler

Yeah?

不行吗？

Joey

I thought we talked about this. I don't like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isn't juice. All juice, okay?

我有言在先。我不喜欢果肉，有果肉就不是汁，要纯果汁，你明白？

Chandler

I'm sorry, I guess I just like the pulp.

对不起，但我喜欢果肉。

Joey

Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.

哦天哪，对不起我真粗鲁。（转向瑞秋）瑞秋，要喝点什么吗？钱德会飞快跑去拿的。

Rachel

Yeah sure, iced tea would be great.

冰茶好了。

Joey

(To Chandler) Iced tea.

（对钱德勒）冰茶。

Chandler

Okay, anything for you sir?

好的，先生您要点什么？

Joey

(To Rachel) Did I not just tell him?

（对瑞秋）我刚才不是告诉他了？

Rachel

(mouthing it to him) Yes, you did.

（用口型）你是说了。

Joey

(To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) You're gonna throw that juice at me, aren't ya?

（对钱德勒）听着，钱德，这次听清楚！（揪他耳朵。）（钱德勒瞪他。）你想把果汁泼我身上对吗？

Chandler

It's not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)

这不是纯果汁！（瑞秋赶紧躲开。）

Ross

So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.

宝贝，今早真有趣，你洗澡的时候我跳到你身上。

Carol

Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.

也许我们家该有两个卫生间。

Ross

Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.

卡萝，我想，我们也许需要给生活加点调味料。

Carol

What do you mean?

是什么呢？

Ross

Carol our sex life is---it's just not working...

卡萝，最近我们的性生活不大和谐……

Ben

(entering) Dad!! (Runs and hugs him.)

（进来）爸爸！！（跑过来拥抱他。）

Ross

Hey there little fella! Hey, uh-hey, why don't we get some shoes on ya, huh? Hey, why don't you show dad how you can put your shoes on, in your room! Yay!!

嘿，小伙子！嘿，把鞋穿上怎么样？回房穿鞋给爸爸看！耶！

Ben

Yay! (Runs off.)

耶！（跑开。）

Ross

Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life... I was thinking, maybe I don't know, we could try some-some new things. Y'know? For fun?

耶！（对卡萝）说真的，也许我们该尝试一些新花样，来找乐子？

Carol

Like what?

比如说？

Ross

Well I don't know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carol's shocked and obviously doesn't like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesn't like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, y'know we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.

嗯……（停顿）互相捆绑？（卡萝震惊，显然不喜欢这主意。）有人吃对方身上的食物……（卡萝也不喜欢。）不！嗯，说些下流话？（卡萝仍然不同意。）嗯，我们可以来一次“三人行”。

Carol

(quickly) I love that idea!

（飞快地）我喜欢！

Chandler

Who sold a story to Archie Comics?!

谁把故事卖给Archie漫画了？！

Monica

Oh my God! That's great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) You're a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!

天哪，太好了！哇！（拥抱他）你的作品出版了！真想送礼物给你！

Chandler

Aww.

啊。

Monica

Wait a minute! (Quickly checks her pockets and pulls out...) My last Kit-Kat bar!

等一下！（快速翻口袋，掏出……）我最后一块奇巧！

(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica won't let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesn't budge.)

（钱德勒想拿走，但莫妮卡不放手。他拽得更用力，她仍然不动。）

Chandler

You wanna share it?

分吃如何？

Monica

Okay!!

好呀！！

Joey

(entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know you're mad, but I just want to say I'm sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Y'know? I mean, y'know how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?

（进来）嘿，钱德，我知道你很生气，真的很抱歉。我是混蛋，不晓得分寸。我真的讨厌果肉！你知道莫妮卡对低脂蛋黄酱的感觉对吧？

Monica

It's not mayonnaise!!

那根本不是蛋黄酱！！

Joey

Yeah, o-o-o-o-okay anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Here. (Hands him a cup.)

对，好吧，我只想说对不起。给。（递给他一杯东西。）

Chandler

What's this?

这是什么？

Joey

Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it.

鲜榨橙汁，带果肉的，是你喜欢的那种！

Chandler

Aww, thanks man. (They hug.)

哦，谢谢。（他们拥抱。）

Monica

Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics!

嘿，乔伊，钱德卖了篇故事给Archie漫画！

Joey

Oh my God! That's great! Congratulations! What's the story?!

天哪，太好了！恭喜你！讲什么的？

Chandler

Oh you wouldn't uh, care. It's just a stupid comic book story.

你不会喜欢的，很傻的漫画书故事。

Joey

Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang!

开什么玩笑？！我爱Archie！里面所有角色我都爱！

Chandler

Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesn't want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assist---as his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that can't have lumps in them.

Archie需要钱修理破飞机，但他不想接受Reggie的施舍。于是Reggie雇他当助手——当管家，之后指使他做很多蠢事，例如叫他去拿没有煤块的奶昔。

Joey

Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar! Did they already do that one? 'Cause I think I read it!

等一下，听来好耳熟！是不是登过这样的故事啊，我想我读过！

Rachel

Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?

老莫，我得打听清楚，乔伊·崔比昂尼邀我上他家，他是不是常常带女孩回家？

Monica

Yeah, a lot. A lot, a lot!

很多次！很多，很多！

Rachel

Ohh! And I'm one of them!! Wow! Oh, I just cannot believe this! I mean, Joey Tribbiani!

哦！而我居然是其中之一！难以置信，和乔伊·崔比昂尼！

Monica

Well, y'know it's none of my business, but aren't you married?

我无意多管闲事，但你不是结婚了吗？

Rachel

Yeah. Oh I just wish we could not be married for a little bit! Y'know I just wish we could be like on a break!

我只是偶尔希望我没结过婚而已，就是希望分手一阵子。

Monica

Well, you're not.

但你没有。

Rachel

Oh, it's so easy for you I mean, you're not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!

结婚有什么不好，你是单身，你多好，可以和任何人上床！

Monica

Yeah I can! (Laughs) And don't think I don't, because I do! I mean all the time, you betcha! (Laughs.)

是啊，我还别不信，我就是可以！（笑）一直和男人鬼混都可以！

Rachel

Monica. You've, you've done it right?

莫妮卡，你做过的，对吗？

Monica

(giggles) Of course I have! What do you think, I'm some 30 year old virgin?

（咯咯笑）当然啦！你以为我是30岁的老处女吗？

Rachel

Oh my God! You're a 30 year old virgin!

天啊！你居然是30岁的老处女！

Monica

Say it louder, I don't think the guy all the way in the back heard you!

再大声点，后面远处那个男人还没听见。

Guy All the Way in the Back

Yeah, I heard it.

我听见了。

Monica

It's not like, I haven't any opportunities. I mean, y'know, I'm just waiting for the perfect guy. I'm seeing this guy Roger, all right? He's not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Y'know, give him my flower.

我并非没有机会。我只是等待完美的男人。我不是在和罗杰医生约会吗？他很完美，但……也许应该等待时机献出我的花朵。

Rachel

Oh my God!! Do it!! Honey, you've waited long enough!!

天啊，事不宜迟！你等太久了宝贝！

Monica

Y'know what? You are right?!

你说得对！

Rachel

Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldn't be all this rules and restrictions! Y'know, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever...

性没什么大不了！！不应该有什么规矩和限制！我们想跟谁睡就跟谁！

Monica

Rachel! I'm never gonna think it's okay for you to cheat on your husband!

瑞秋！我还是认为你对丈夫不忠不太好！

Rachel

Oh what do you know? Virgin!

你知道什么？老处女！

Monica

Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?!

菲比，洗手间里怎么冒烟？！

Phoebe

Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.

大夫说这是治疗引起的副作用。

Monica

Phoebe! Put that cigarette out!

菲比！把烟熄掉！

Phoebe

No! It's not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!

我没抽烟！冒烟的是我！

Monica

Put it out!!

熄掉它！！

Phoebe

Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) I'm so glad you're here.

好吧！好吧！（掐灭烟，从洗手间出来。）你来了可真好。

Ross

Come on. (Helps her into bed as her phone rings.) I got it.

来吧。（扶她上床，她的手机响了。）我来。

Phoebe

Oh, give it to me.

给我。

Ross

I got it!

我来！

Phoebe

Give it!

给我！

(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)

（他做了个空手道动作让她闭嘴，然后接电话。）

Ross

(on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she can't come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)

（打电话）喂？（听）她现在没法接电话。（听）没问题，再见。（挂断。）

Phoebe

Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!

是工作的事？他们发火了？是杰克对吗？他吼叫了？

Ross

J-j-just relax, nobody yelled. Jack just was calling to make sure that you were getting better.

放轻松，没人吼叫。杰克打电话问候你的病情。

Phoebe

Thank God.

谢天谢地。

Ross

(To Monica) Yeah, she's fired.

（对莫妮卡）没错，她给解雇了。

Nurse

You've done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.

威斯利医生，你已经尽力了。让她走吧。

Dr. Wesley

Good-bye and God speed, Hope Brady.

再见，上帝保佑你，霍普·布雷迪。

(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)

（他走过去关掉一台机器。突然，德雷克·雷莫瑞医生带着两个警察出现在门口！）

Dr. Drake Remoray

Not so fast Wesley!

别急着下结论！威斯利！

(Rachel does a silent clap.)

（瑞秋无声地鼓掌。）

Dr. Wesley

(with evil dripping off his tongue) Remoray!

（邪恶地）雷莫瑞！

Dr. Drake Remoray

That's right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, you're not a real doctor! And that woman's brain, is fine!

我来告诉你，你不配当医生！那女人的大脑，没病！

Rachel

(very relived) Oh! Thank God!

（大大松了口气）哦！幸好！

Dr. Drake Remoray

Hope! Hope!

霍普！霍普！

Hope

(sleepily) Drake!

（睡意朦胧）缀克！

Dr. Drake Remoray

You're not dying Hope, you're gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.

你不会死了，霍普，你会长命百岁，和我一起。

Hope

Oh Drake.

哦，缀克。

Rachel

Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joey's phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! It's Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.

好了！（她抓起电话，拨乔伊的号码）我决定了！好！（打电话）嗨，乔伊！我是瑞秋！我明晚有空。好的，我带些三明治来。

Commercial Break

广告时间