The One Where Chandler Can't Cry

Joey

(sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh... Oh wait, I don't have to lie to you, you don't live here anymore. Uh, I'm eating their food. What are you doing?

（看到瑞秋）哦，呃，嘿，瑞秋。我只是过来……等等，我没必要向你撒谎，你不住这里了。呃，我在吃他们的东西。你在干什么？

Rachel

Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.

罗斯在跟我妹妹约会，他们两小时前把窗帘拉上了。

Joey

Whoa, I didn't know we could date your sister!

哇，原来我们可以约会你妹妹！

(Chandler and Monica enter from their room and Joey quickly hides the bag of potato chips behind his back.)

（钱德勒和莫妮卡从房间出来，乔伊迅速把薯片袋藏到身后。）

Monica

Joey we know you steal our food.

乔伊，我们知道你在偷我们的东西吃。

(Joey offers them some potato chips.)

（乔伊递给他们一些薯片。）

Chandler

I'm good.

我很好。

Monica

(To Rachel) Oh, are the drapes still closed hon?

（对瑞秋）哦，亲爱的，窗帘还是关着的吗？

Rachel

Yeah. And y'know who should've shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.

对。还有，那反常的两堵门该关上才对——是隔壁那对变态老夫妻。

Chandler

(looking) Is that a swing?

（看）那是个秋千吗？

Rachel

Oh don't even ask!

噢，别问了！

Chandler

Yuck!

恶心！

Joey

I can't believe Ross went out with Rachel's sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.

真不敢相信罗斯跟瑞秋的妹妹约会！当年钱德勒吻了我妹妹，我生了他10年的气。

Chandler

That was like 5 years ago.

那是五年前的事了。

Joey

Yeah you got 5 years left!

对，你还有5年时间！

Chandler

Joey...

乔伊……

Joey

You wanna make it 6?!

要变成6年吗？！

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Rachel

Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!

哦，罗斯，嗨！嘿，你好吗？你在这儿！

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

(to Gunther) I'll take a coffee. (To Ross) So how was your big date last night?

（对甘瑟）我要杯咖啡。（对罗斯）昨晚的大日子怎么样？

Ross

Uhh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun.

呃，还可以，很有趣。

Rachel

Yeah fun? Great! So uh, so did you guys hit it off?

有趣？太好了！那你们合得来吗？

Ross

I guess so.

我想是的。

Rachel

So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes!

那有没有发生什么？因为谣传你们把窗帘拉上了！

Ross

No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils.

不，不，什么也没发生。我拉上窗帘是为了给她看我心爱化石的幻灯片。

Rachel

Oh, slides. (Laughs.) So really nothing happened.

哦，幻灯片。（笑）那真的什么也没发生。

Ross

Something could've happened. All right? She-she really dug my slides. And-and she was definitely giving me the vibe.

也许有可能发生，好吗？她很喜欢我的幻灯，她还给了我暗示。

Rachel

Right. Was it the, "Please don't show me another picture of a trilobite vibe?"

是那“请别给我看那三叶虫照片”的暗示吗？

Ross

Anyway, if she, if she wasn't into me, why-why would she ask me out again?

无论如何，假如她不喜欢我，她怎么会再约我出去？

Rachel

She asked-asked you out again?

她又约你出来？

Ross

Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentine's Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.

对。明天晚上，情人节，一年里最浪漫的日子。谁知道会发生什么？我也许不会拉上窗帘给她看幻灯片的，你明白我的意思吧。

Rachel

Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I can't! I can't! I can't! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just can't. It's just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I can't do it! I can't do it.

好了好了好了！我知道了！我知道了！我受不了！我受不了你和我妹妹的事，好吗？我就是受不了。太奇怪了，对吧？我想象你们俩在一起，我就发疯。快让我发疯了，我做不到！我做不到。

Ross

(while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! It's okay. (Rachel stops.) It's okay. Hey, it's too weird for you, I won't see her again.

（在瑞秋发泄时）好了！好了！好了！没关系。（瑞秋停下。）没关系。既然你觉得太怪，我就不再见她了。

Rachel

Thank you. I...yeah.

谢谢你。我……好。

Ross

I mean after tomorrow night.

我是说明晚过后。

Rachel

No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I can't! I can't do it! (Starts to freak out.) It's just gonna freak me out!!!

不不不！求你了罗斯，我做不到！我会疯掉的！

Ross

Okay! Okay! Ooh-hey-hey-hey! Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll-I'll tell her tonight I can't see her anymore.

好了！好了！噢，嘿，嘿，嘿！好了！好了！我今晚就告诉她我以后都不再见她。

Rachel

Ross thanks.

罗斯，谢谢你。

Ross

You want me to call her right now?

要我现在就给她打电话吗？

Rachel

Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on that's-that's crazy---I mean that's crazy. So what's-what's going on with you? What is going on with you?

噢，不！不！不不不不！不，我是说，别这样，那太疯狂了——我是说那太疯狂了。那你怎么了？你到底怎么了？

Ross

Well umm, oh! I might be teaching another class this semester!

嗯……哦！我这学期也许会教另一个班！

Rachel

Yeah do it now, call right now.

对，现在就做，现在就打给她。

Monica

(crying) This is my favorite part.

（哭）这是我最喜欢的部分。

Phoebe

(crying) Yeah me too.

（哭）我也是。

(We see the TV and it's the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)

（电视上是ET道别的最后一场戏。）

Phoebe

Oh y'know what's sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.

哦，你知道什么是比这更伤心的？《小鹿斑比》。我为了这电影哭了三天。不，等等，两天！因为第三天我妈妈自杀了，所以我有一部分是为了那个哭的。

Chandler

(totally not crying) Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!

（完全没哭）嗯，那个我可以理解哭，但《小鹿斑比》是部卡通片！

Joey

(crying) You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?

（哭）斑比妈妈死的时候你没哭？

Chandler

Yes it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer!

有，那很让人伤心——在那人不再画那只鹿的时候！

Monica

Chandler there's nothing wrong with crying! I mean you don't have to be so macho all the time.

钱德勒，哭其实没关系！你不必总是那么男子气的。

Chandler

I'm not macho.

我不是男子气。

Monica

Yeah you're right. I don't know what I was thinking.

对，你是对的。我不知道自己在想什么。

Chandler

No, I guess I just never really cried. Y'know? I'm not a crying kind of guy.

不，我只是真的从没哭过。我不是会哭的那种人。

Joey

Come on man there's gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?

别这样，一定会有让你激动的事，例如，假如你看到只有三条腿的小狗呢？

Chandler

I'd be sad sure, but I wouldn't cry.

我会伤心，当然会，但我不会哭。

Joey

Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."

“帮帮我，钱德勒。其余所有小狗都欺负我。”

Chandler

Cry?! I just found a talking puppy, I'm rich!

哭？我刚找到一只能说话的小狗，我发财了！

Monica

Oh, I've got it! I have got it! (Gets up and gets something from the dresser underneath the TV.) Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!

哦，我知道了！我知道了！（站起来从电视柜下面拿出什么东西。）你小时候的照片。那会对你有帮助的！

(Chandler starts paging through the album.)

（钱德勒开始翻相册。）

Phoebe

All right, what's going on there? (Points to a picture.)

好了，发生什么事了？（指着一张照片。）

Chandler

Oh, that's Parent's Day, first grade. That's me with the janitor Martin.

哦，那是父亲节，一年级。那是我跟看门人马丁一起。

Monica

Where were your parents?

你的父母在哪？

Chandler

Oh they didn't want to come!

他们不想来！

Phoebe

Oh Chandler!

哦，钱德勒！

Monica

Poor thing!

可怜的家伙！

Phoebe

So that story doesn't make you cry?

那故事没让你哭？

Chandler

No! Look, I don't cry! It's not a big deal! Okay?!

不！听着，我不会哭！那没什么大不了的！好吗？！

Joey

No! It's not okay! It's not okay at all!! You're dead inside!!

不！那根本有问题！你的心已经死了！

The Fan

Excuse me.

打扰一下。

Phoebe

Yeah?

什么事？

The Fan

Are you Phoebe Buffay?

你是菲比·布菲吗？

Phoebe

Yeah.

对。

The Fan

Can-can I get your autograph, I'm your biggest fan. (Holds out a napkin and a pen.)

能给我签个名吗？我是你最忠实的支持者。（拿出餐巾纸和笔。）

Phoebe

Oh you're my biggest fan? I've always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)

哦，你是我的头号粉丝？我一直都想见你！嗨！（握手）当然！好！（签名）

The Fan

Wow! Wow, thanks a lot! I just wanna say, I think you're really talented.

哇！哇，非常感谢！我只想说，我觉得你很有天赋。

Phoebe

You're just saying that because you're my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) He's a fan. (To the fan as she's leaving) Bye! (Exits)

你这么说是因为你是我最忠实的支持者。（粉丝离开，乔伊走过来。）（对乔伊）乔伊，好好照顾那个人，好吗？（指着）他是个粉丝。（对要离开的粉丝）再见！（离开）

Joey

(to the fan) So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?

（对粉丝）那么，你在《我们生活的日子里》看到我了？你要我为你演点德雷克·雷莫瑞医生吗？

The Fan

I have no idea what you're talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffay's autograph!

我不知道你在说什么。但我刚拿到了菲比·布菲的亲笔签名！

Joey

Oh, you're Phoebe's fan!

哦，你是菲比的粉丝！

The Fan

Oh yeah! I've seen all her movies.

哦对！我看过她所有的电影。

Joey

Movies?

电影？

The Fan

That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.

那是菲比·布菲，色情电影明星。

Joey

(laughs) I don't think so.

（笑）我可不这样认为。

The Fan

No-no, it was! She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of Alabia, and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store aren't gonna believe this! (Exits.)

不，就是她！她演过《性感玩具故事2》、《阿拉伯的劳伦斯》，我拿到了她的签名！漫画书店的那帮家伙可不会相信！（离开。）

Joey

Hey Gunther, don't let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebe's a porn star!

嘿，甘瑟，别再让那家伙进来了！他刚才说菲比是色情电影明星！

Gunther

Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out Inspecther Gadget.

嗯，我不会叫她明星，但她真的很不错。你应该看看《监察器小玩意》。

Jill

Hey!

Jill：嘿！

Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Jill

You'll never believe what just happened, Ross just totally blew me off and he didn't even tell me why!

Jill：你绝对想不到刚才发生了什么，罗斯刚跟我吹了，却没有告诉我原因！

Rachel

Ohhh well. Y'know what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! He's a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.

哦……嗯。亲爱的，你知道吗？最好摆脱一个人的方法是与别人约会。哦！我有个同事叫鲍比，你会喜欢他的！他是人事部真正的后起之秀。

Jill

Y'know, thanks for trying to cheer me up, but I'm not gonna date some random guy from your work.

Jill：谢谢你让我开心，但我不会随便跟你同事约会的。

Rachel

It's not random, it's Bob.

不随便，是鲍比。

Jill

It's probably because not mature enough. Or smart enough. Maybe he doesn't like the way I dress---No that can't be it. It's really gotta be the smart thing. Oh I'm so stupid! I'm just like this incredibly pretty stupid girl!

Jill：也许是因为我不够成熟，或者不够聪明。也许他不喜欢我穿衣服的方式——不，不可能。那一定是聪明的事。我真笨！我只是个非常漂亮、愚蠢的女孩！

Rachel

No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.

不，亲爱的，好吧。你想知道罗斯为什么取消约会吗？因为我叫他那样做的。

Jill

You asked him too?!

Jill：你叫他的？！

Rachel

Hm-mmm.

嗯——嗯。

Jill

Why?!

Jill：为什么？！

Rachel

Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history...

因为你是我妹妹，而且罗斯和我的历史很长……

Jill

I don't understand, do you want to go out with Ross?

Jill：我不明白，你想跟罗斯约会吗？

Rachel

No.

不。

Jill

You don't want him, but you don't want me to have him?

Jill：你不想要他，但你也不想我要他？

Rachel

(changing the subject) Y'know Bob in Human Resources...

（转移话题）你知道人事部的鲍比……

Jill

Ugh! I cannot believe you did this too me! You had me doubting how smart I was! (Gasps) You had me doubting my fashion sense!

Jill：呃！真不敢相信你对我做出这种事！你让我怀疑我有多聪明！（倒吸气）你还让我怀疑自己的时装触觉！

Rachel

Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just don't date Ross! There's a million other guys out there, you just...

听着，那没什么大不了，只是不跟罗斯约会而已。外面还有成千上万的男人，你只要……

Jill

Hey! You have no right to tell me what to do.

Jill：嘿！你没资格告诉我该做什么。

Rachel

I'm not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do!

我没要你做什么，我在叫你别去做什么！

Jill

Why are you so jealous of me?

Jill：你为什么那么嫉妒我？

Rachel

Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you can't have!

吉尔，这不是我嫉妒你！这是你乳臭未干！想要你不能得到的东西！

Jill

Can't have?! Excuse me, the only thing I can't have is dairy! (Starts to storm out.)

Jill：不能得到？抱歉，我唯一不能得到的是乳制品！（开始冲出去。）

Rachel

All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob!

好吧好吧，你刚错过了跟鲍比约会的机会！

Jill

Who?!

Jill：谁？！

Rachel

In Human Resources!!!!!!

人事部的那个！

Rachel

...I am jealous of her?! I mean who does she think she is?! Princess Caroline?!

……我嫉妒她？她以为她是谁？卡罗尔公主？！

Monica

You're jealous of Princess Caroline?

你嫉妒卡罗尔公主？

Rachel

Do I have my own castle?

我有自己的城堡吗？

(Joey and Ross enter.)

（乔伊和罗斯进来。）

Ross

Hey! Uh, Phoebe's not here is she?

嘿！呃，菲比不在吧？

Rachel

No.

不在。

Monica

(noticing the bag Joey's carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?

（注意到乔伊拿的袋子）哦太好了！你买了电影？

Joey

Uhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I don't think it's the kind you're gonna like.

呃，对。但我想这不是你们会喜欢的那种。

Chandler

You didn't get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night did you?

你没买又要我们整晚找纸巾的那些电影吧？

(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)

（乔伊和罗斯交换眼神。）

Joey

Sort of...

差不多……

Monica

Guys, what's going on?

怎么了？

Joey

(holds up the movie) Phoebe's a porn star!

（举起电影）菲比是色情电影明星！

All

What?!!

什么？！

(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)

（他们都跑向乔伊和罗斯，钱德勒抓过电影读片名。）

Chandler

Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.

吸血鬼层》。

Rachel

Oh my God!

哦我的天！

Monica

That's Phoebe! Where did you get that?

那是菲比！你从哪弄来的？

Joey

Well down at the adult video place down on Bleaker.

在布里克尔街的成人录像带店里。

Ross

And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didn't know he was in there.

还有，我看到乔伊正要进去，所以我就赶在他前面跑了进去想吓他一下，然后我假装不知道他在那里。

(They all kinda look at him.)

（大家都有点看着他。）

Rachel

Wow! I mean, I just---I can't, I can't believe this. Y'know, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe who's always been somewhat of a question mark.

哇！我只是……我无法相信这是真的。我的意思是，你以为你了解一个人，即使是菲比，她总是带着点问号。

Monica

This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, y'know she had such a terrible childhood.

这太奇怪了。不过我想这也说得通，她的童年那么糟。

Chandler

Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I don't do porn.

嘿，我也有个糟透的童年，可我不拍色情片。

Monica

Yes, but you are dead inside.

对，但你的心已经死了。

Joey

All right well, I'd better take that back.

好吧，我最好把它拿回去。

Monica

Wh-what, why?

什么，为什么？

Joey

We can't watch that! I mean that's Phoebe!

我们不能看！那是菲比！

Monica

Yeah you're right, we can't---we shouldn't watch this.

对，我们不能，我们不该看这个。

Rachel

Absolutely not.

当然不。

Monica

(hands the tape back to Joey, but doesn't let him grab it) Y'know maybe a little bit!

（把录像带递回给乔伊，但没让他拿走）也许只看一点！

Rachel

Probably just the first half.

也许只是上半部。

Joey

No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebe's our friend! Well, I'm not gonna watch it!

不！嘿，不！这不对，你们！菲比是我们的朋友！我不会看的！

Ross

Yeah! Good for you Joe!

对！好样的，乔！

Joey

Yeah.

对。

(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)

（罗斯在他旁边站了一会儿，然后走过去看电影。）

(The movie starts, it's a vampire's lair and Buffay, The Vampire Layer enters dressed in leather and carrying a wooden stake. Suddenly, the vampire opens his coffin and sits up.)

（电影开始，是一个吸血鬼的巢穴，布菲——吸血鬼层者穿着皮衣、拿着木桩进入。突然，吸血鬼打开棺材坐起来。）

Buffay, the Vampire Layer: Ah, I thought I'd find you here, Nasforatool.

啊，我就知道能在这儿找到你，纳斯夫拉图。

The Vampire

Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places?

布菲，你要把你的木桩刺入我黑暗的地方吗？

Buffay, the Vampire Layer: Actually, I was kinda hoping it would be the other way around.

实际上，我倒是希望反过来。

(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)

（这时，布菲——吸血鬼层者和纳斯夫拉图开始亲热。当然，因为是电视网播出，我们只能看到大家看片时的反应。）

Monica

Hold on a second! What is that on her ankle?

等一下！她脚踝上是什么？

Chandler

Her ankle is what you're watching?

你看的是她的脚踝？

Rachel

Well it's hard to tell... (Rachel gets up to get a closer look, only she's having some trouble.) Oh God, if she would just stop moving.

嗯，很难说……（瑞秋站起来凑近看，但有点困难。）哦天，只要她不再动。

Chandler

She's just doing her job!

她只是在工作而已！

Joey

(sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!

（背对电视坐在厨房桌边）你们这群恶心的变态！

Rachel

Oh, it's a tattoo! That's weird, Phoebe doesn't... Wait that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe that is Ursula!

哦，是个纹身！真奇怪，菲比没有……等等，那是厄休拉！那不是菲比，是厄休拉！

(Upon hearing this, Joey can't turn his chair around fast enough and knocks it over.)

（听到这话，乔伊飞快地转椅子，结果把椅子弄翻了。）

Joey

Re! Re! Then I can watch that! Rewind it! Rewind it!

等等！倒回去！那我就能看了！重放！重放！

Phoebe

(entering) Hey! What's up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!

（进来）嘿！怎么了？（看到电视）哦我的天！我在干什么？！

Commercial Break

广告时间

Monica

Hey sweetie!

嘿，亲爱的！

Chandler

Hey! (He quickly tries to hide the book by throwing it under the couch, only the couch has no back and it slides into the kitchen.)

嘿！（他迅速把书扔到沙发底下想藏起来，但沙发没有后背板，书滑进了厨房。）

Monica

(picking up the book) Chicken Soup for the Soul?

（捡起书）《心灵鸡汤》？

Chandler

There's no back to this couch!

这沙发没有后背板！

Monica

Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff.

你为什么读这个？你一直讨厌这类东西的。

Chandler

Yeah I know, but I figured a shot y'know? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldn't think I was y'know, all dead inside.

我知道，但我想试试。也许里面会有个故事能让我哭，你就不会认为我的心已经死了。

Monica

Oh that's so sweet! Look Chandler I don't care if you can't cry, I love you.

哦，真贴心！听着，钱德勒，我不在意你能不能哭，我爱你。

Chandler

Oh that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.

哦，那让我空虚的锡铁胸膛里非常温暖。

Monica

Stop it!

够了！

Chandler

No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, we're up at the altar and I'm like this. (Makes a bored face.)

不，我是说，说真的。我们结婚了，站在礼堂里，我就这样。（做无聊的表情。）

Monica

I won't care, because I know you will be feeling it all in here. (Points to her heart.)

我不在意，因为我知道你的感觉都在这里。（指自己的心。）

Chandler

Yeah?

是吗？

Monica

Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you don't cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it won't matter to me.

对！而且，如果有一天我们有了孩子，医生在产房里把孩子递给你，而你没哭，那又怎样！还有，如果我们送他上大学，回到家第一次看到他空空的房间，你毫无感觉，那对我来说也不要紧。

Chandler

Okay, well I won't uh, worry about this anymore then.

好吧，那我就不再担心这个了。

Monica

And-and-and if I die, from a long illness. And you're writing out my eulogy and you open a desk drawer and you find a note from me that says, "I will always be with you," and you still can't shed one tiny tear, I know you'll be crying a river inside.

还有，如果我因重病去世了，你在写我的悼词，打开桌子抽屉发现我留的一张字条写着“我永远与你同在”，而你仍然流不出一滴眼泪，我知道你心里快流成泪河了。

Chandler

Aww, I love you so...

哦，我爱你……

Monica

What is wrong with you?!!!

你怎么回事？！

Chandler

What?!

什么？！

Monica

What?! You can't shed a tear for your dead wife!! Now, I left you a note from the beyond!

什么？你就不能为死去的妻子流一滴眼泪？我还给你留了封来自阴间的字条！

Chandler

So you didn't mean any of that?!

所以你刚才说的都不是真的？

Monica

No you robot!!

不，你这机器人！

Ross

You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to... (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-that's just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, they've really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if they're watching.) Uhh what's-what's-what's the matter?

你们这些该死的小孩！再按一次门铃，我发誓……（开门发现Jill站在那儿。）哦，呃，吉尔。嗯，那只是我跟楼下孩子们玩的小游戏，他们真的很喜欢我。（迅速往外看他们是否在看。）呃，怎么了？

Jill

Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know we're not supposed to see each other anymore and I'm okay with that, it's just that I don't know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.

瑞秋和我大吵了一架，我能进来吗？我是说，我知道我们不该再见面的，我也没意见，只是我在城里谁也不认识，我真的需要找个人谈谈。

Ross

Of course, what happened? (Lets her in.)

当然可以，怎么了？（让她进来。）

Jill

(entering) I don't want to talk about it.

（进来）我不想谈那个。

Ross

Okay, umm...

好吧，嗯……

Jill

But you know what might really cheer me up?

但你知道什么能让我开心起来吗？

Ross

What?

什么？

Jill

Seeing some more of your super-cool slides.

再看一些你超酷的幻灯片。

Ross

Wow! Really?!

哇！真的？

Jill

Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.

当然，我喜欢！而且，也许你能给我讲完各种不同的沙子。

Ross

Well, I'd love to! Here, you wait right here and I'll go get the projector and my notes!

我很乐意！你在这儿等着，我去拿放映机和笔记！

Jill

Oh great! Thanks Ross, you're such a good friend!

哦太好了！谢谢你，罗斯，你真是个好朋友！

Ross

Ohh!

哦！

(He goes into another room to get his projector and notes. While he's gone, Jill quickly checks her makeup.)

（他进另一个房间去拿放映机和笔记。他不在时，吉尔迅速检查妆容。）

Rachel

Hey! Have you guys seen Jill? I can't find her anywhere.

嘿！你们看到吉尔了吗？我到处找不到她。

Monica

No, I haven't.

没有，我没看到。

Rachel

Well, is Ross home? Maybe I'll just call him to see if he's actually seen her.

那罗斯在家吗？也许我给他打个电话看他是不是见过她。

(She goes to look out the window at Ross's apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)

（她走到窗边看罗斯的公寓，看到吉尔盯着她，一脸邪恶地拉上窗帘。瑞秋震惊得说不出话。）

Ursula

Who is it?

谁？

Phoebe

It's Phoebe! Phoebe!

是菲比！菲比！

(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)

（厄休拉打开门，打扮夸张，大波浪头发，穿着性感内衣。）

Ursula

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

(seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so you're making porn movies.

（看到她的穿着）哦天。所以你在拍色情电影。

Ursula

No I'm not.

不，我没有。

(Someone calls out from her apartment.)

（从她公寓里有人喊。）

Man's Voice

We're still rolling!

我们还在开机呢！

Phoebe

You're making one right now!

你现在就在拍！

Another Man's Voice

Let's go Phoebe!

来吧，菲比！

Phoebe

And-and you're using my name!

而且你还用我的名字！

Ursula

Yeah, can I help you with something?

对，我能帮你什么忙吗？

Same Man's Voice

Phoebe, come on!

菲比，快点！

Phoebe

Look, I'm talking right now! You're---you mean her.

听着，我现在在说话！你——你是指她。

Ursula

Y'know, twin stuff is always a real big seller.

你知道，双胞胎题材总是很卖座。

Phoebe

What?!

什么？

Ursula

Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.

对，我能跟他们说，给你大概30块钱。

Phoebe

No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! You're disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)

不！不可能！不！别再用我的名字！为你感到羞耻！（朝公寓里喊）你们所有人都该羞耻！你们真恶心！尤其是你，还有那个东西！（冲走。）

Ross

Slides are almost ready.

幻灯片快准备好了。

Jill

Yeah. Ooh, I know what this is missing! Alcohol!

对。哦，我知道缺了什么！酒！

Ross

Uh okay, well there's-there's wine in the kitchen.

呃，好吧，厨房里有葡萄酒。

Jill

Oh great! (Goes to get it as the phone rings.)

哦太好了！（去拿酒，电话铃响。）

Ross

(answering it) Hello?

（接电话）喂？

Rachel

(on phone) What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!

（电话里）我妹妹在那里干什么？还有窗帘为什么又拉上了？

Ross

O-okay, Rach calm-calm down, okay? She-she's really upset we're just talking.

好，瑞秋，冷静点，好吗？她很伤心，我们只是在谈心。

Rachel

Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!

罗斯！我想她是在利用你报复我！

Ross

So that's the only reason she could be here huh? It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe I'm a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!

所以她在这里的唯一原因就是那个？不可能是因为我是个很好的聆听者，而且我办了一场很棒的幻灯片放映吗？

Rachel

Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!

罗斯，我告诉你她在利用你报复我！

Ross

Y'know what? I think I can take care of myself, I'll talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that you're just using me.

你知道吗？我想我能照顾自己，晚点再跟你说。再见。（挂断电话，转身发现吉尔坐得非常近。）哇！呃，那其实是你妹妹。她认为你只是在利用我。

Jill

So? (Kisses him passionately.)

那又怎样？（热情地吻他。）

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.

我刚从厄休拉工作的公司回来。

Joey

Oh no, not you too!

哦不，你也去了？

Phoebe

No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffay's checks; there were a lot of them.

不！不！我只是去取菲比·布菲的支票，有很多张。

Joey

Nice!

不错！

Phoebe

Um-mmm, and I won't have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.

嗯——而且我再也不用去了，因为我给了他们我的正确地址。

Joey

That's great, but isn't it gonna bother that people still think you're a porn star?

太好了，但大家还认为你是色情片明星，这不会让你困扰吗？

Phoebe

Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.

哦不！不！我知道怎么处理。

Joey

You do?

你知道？

Phoebe

Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where he's seen her before.) (To him) You're trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?

对。（她注意到一个男人正在给女友穿外套，似乎在努力回忆在哪里见过她。）（对那男人）你想知道在哪儿见过我？好吧，我给你个提示。从色情片！好吗？（男人急忙拉着女友离开。）对，你那变态男友在色情片里看过我！（对乔伊）看见了吗？

Joey

Yeah.

嗯。

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Ross

(To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.

（对瑞秋）你也许说对了吉尔的事。

Rachel

Oh! I knew it! What happened?

哦！我就知道！怎么了？

Ross

Umm, she kissed me.

嗯，她吻了我。

Rachel

What?! You kissed!

什么？！你们接吻了？

Chandler

(To Monica) Maybe we should give them some privacy.

（对莫妮卡）也许我们该让他们单独待会儿。

Monica

(To Chandler) Shhhh!!!

（对钱德勒）嘘！！！

Ross

Look, I uh, I tried not to kiss her, okay?

听着，我试着不去吻她，好吗？

Rachel

Well, it doesn't sound like it! I mean, it's pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just don't kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!

听起来不像！不吻一个人很容易，你只要不吻就行了！你看我们，现在，就没在接吻！

Ross

Let me finish, okay? She started kissing me and-and I didn't stop it. I guess I-I just wasn't thinking...

让我把话说完，好吗？她开始吻我，而我没有阻止她。我想我当时没有想……

Rachel

Yeah that's right you weren't thinking! Y'know what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)

对，你确实没想！你知道吗？让我给你点东西想想！（她卷起袖子朝他走去。）

Ross

Oh wait---hold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.

哦等等——且慢！但后来我开始想了，我就停止了接吻。

Rachel

Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sister's mouth long enough to tell me that.

哦，真感谢你把舌头从我妹妹嘴里拿出来告诉我。

Ross

Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!

听着，我意识到如果我和吉尔之间发生了什么事，那我们之间就不可能有什么了！

Rachel

What?!

什么？

Ross

No, I mean, look I don't know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I don't want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.

不，我是说，我不知道我们之间还会不会再发生什么。永远。但我不想知道那永远不可能。所以我阻止了她，她很生气，把我的投影机打坏了。

Rachel

Wow. I, I don't even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)

哇。我，我都不知道该说什么。谢谢你。（轻轻踢他。）

Ross

You're welcome. (Gently kicks her back.)

不客气。（轻轻踢回去。）

(Chandler starts crying.)

（钱德勒开始哭。）

Monica

Oh my God! Are-are you crying?

哦天哪！你在哭吗？

Chandler

(crying hysterically) I just don't see why those two can't work things out!

（歇斯底里地哭）我只是不明白他们俩怎么就没办法解决问题！

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Jill

All right, I'm leaving! Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel!

好了，我要走了！因为我不会再跟那个想破坏我每一步行动的人多待一天。就是你，瑞秋！

Rachel

Yeah, I got that.

对，我知道。

Jill

(To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?

（对罗斯）还有你！我把自己献给你，你却拒绝，你到底有多同性恋？

Ross

You take care Jill.

你保重，吉尔。

Jill

(happily) Okay, see ya! (Exits.)

（开心地）好，再见！（离开。）

Rachel

Bye-bye-e!

再见——！

Monica

Bye.

再见。

Chandler

(starts crying) I-I can't believe Jill's gone. (They all look at him.) I can't help it, I opened a gate.

（开始哭）我——我不相信吉尔走了。（大家都看着他。）我忍不住，我打开了一道门。

End

结束