The One With The Joke

Ross

Hey, you're not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!

嘿，这真不可思议。我把我编的笑话寄给《花花公子》，他们竟然登出来了！

Phoebe

I didn't know Playboy prints jokes.

真不知道《花花公子》还登笑话。

Ross

Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It's not just about the pictures.

没错，他们登笑话，采访稿，有力的新闻，并不只是那些照片。

Monica

That didn't work on mom, it's not going to work on us.

反正不会说服妈妈，我们也不看。

Ross

(showing them the page) Here, check it out. It's the first one, too.

（给他们看那页）瞧这，头一条就是我的。

(They all laugh indifferently, except Chandler, who's a little angry.)

（除了有点生气的钱德勒，其他人都漠不关心地笑了。）

Chandler

That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.

很有趣，更有趣的是，这笑话是我编的。

Ross

What?

什么？

Chandler

I made that joke up.

这笑话是我编的。

Ross

Uh, oh-oh, no you didn't. I did.

不，不，不对，这是我编的。

Chandler

Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

是我编的。我在上班的时候把它讲给DAN，他说这是他听过的最好的笑话。

Ross

Hey, tell Dan, 'Thanks.'

嘿，替我谢谢DAN。

(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)

（瑞秋看着杂志在笑。）

Ross

What?

怎么了？

Rachel

I'm sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny.

对不起，我在看下面那则笑话，啊，它真搞笑。

(Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)

（罗斯从她手里把杂志抢走。）

Chandler

Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?

莫尼卡，你记得我给你讲过这个笑话，对吗？

Monica

No.

不记得。

Chandler

Seriously?

真的？

Monica

Well, you tell a lot of jokes!

你的笑话讲的太多了！

Ross

Look, Chandler, it's my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they don't print the name, so it doesn't really matter who gets credit, right?

听着钱德，这是我的笑话。但是，嘿，他们没有印我的名字，也许这让你好过一点，所以究竟该归功于谁并不重要，对吧？

Chandler

Yeah, I guess.

对，我想是。

Joey

(entering) Hey guys.

（进来）嘿，诸位。

Chandler

(jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.

（从椅子上跳起来）嘿乔依，《花花公子》登出了我的笑话。

Ross

No, it's my joke, it's mine. You can call them, they'll tell you.

不，这是我的笑话，是我的。你可以给他们打电话，他们会告诉你的。

Chandler

It's my joke.

是我的笑话。

Ross

It's my joke.

是我的笑话。

Joey

Whoa-whoa-whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?

哇呜！笑话？你们肯定知道里面有裸体小妞，对吧？

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Chandler

Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.

伙计快换台到Behind the Music（节目名），HEART乐队现在的日子可不好过，我猜他们要解散了。

Joey

Let's go watch it at your place.

咱们到你那看去吧。

Chandler

Nah, Monica's watching some cooking show. Come on, I don't want to miss when they were skinny.

不行，莫尼卡在看烹饪节目。快，我可不想错过第一手消息。

Joey

Chandler, Chandler, y'know what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.

钱德，钱德，知道咱们应该干点什么？咱们应该出去逛逛，买些太阳镜。

Chandler

What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?

什么？不！我要看电视。你的有线电视坏了？

Joey

No, that's VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . It's like a lotta noise to me. I don't know...

没有，那是VH-1。我得说，不知道为什么，我觉得今天这些家伙的音乐太吵了。

Chandler

Joey, why is your cable out?

乔依，为什么你的有线电视没了？

Joey

I uh, oh! Because, uh, I haven't really paid the bill

我..因为，其实是因为我没有交费。

Chandler

If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?

如果你需要钱，可不可以请你允许我借给你？

Joey

No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.

不钱德。听着你别放在心上，好吗？自从Janine搬走以后，我手头确实有点紧。不过，她真的很辣。

Chandler

Whoa ho.

哇呜。

Joey

I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).

我知道！但是我能解决，好吗？瞧，我可以听收音机，而且罗斯给了我这本好看的杂志。

Chandler

(picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?

（拿起电话）好吧，想不想到笑话剽窃者那去，看看能不能在他那看电视？

Joey

Sure.

好。

Chandler

(with phone to ear, obviously hearing no dial tone) Paid your phone bill?

（把电话放到耳边，显然没有拨号音）电话费交了吗？

Joey

Not so much.

没有。

Phoebe

(entering) Hey.

（进来）嗨。

Monica

(relieved) It's only you.

（松了口气）还好，是你自己。

Phoebe

Wh-wh-what are you doing?

你们在干-干什么？

Rachel

We are looking at a Playboy.

我们在看《花花公子》。

Phoebe

Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!

噢，我也要看！耶！（她跑过去坐下，看一张照片。）呀！

Monica

So do you think that these pictures---Are, are they trying to tell a story?

你们是否认为这些照片...试图在讲个什么故事？

Rachel

Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, she's crying out, 'Where are they, where are they?'

对，当然。我是说，比如这幅，这个年轻女士，弄丢了她的衣服，所以她光着身子，骑着马，大声叫，衣服在哪，它们在哪？

Monica

Well, she's not going to find them lying in the grass like that.

当然她在草丛里仍然找不到，就象那样。

(They flip through the pages to another picture.)

（她们翻到另一张照片。）

Phoebe

Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?

还记得那些日子，你经常走出马厩，撩起你的衣衫，然后俯下身去？

Rachel and Monica

Yeah.

对。

Rachel

You see, now, I would date this girl. She's cute, she's outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, that's got to come in handy

你知道，我想和这个女孩约会。她很可爱很野性，她知道怎样点燃激情。我的意思是，她垂手可得。

Monica

Okay, I've got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?

好吧，我有一个问题。如果你得选择我们中一个做约会对象，你们会选谁？

Rachel

(thinks) I don't know.

（想了想）我不知道。

Monica

Me neither.

我也不知道。

Phoebe

Rachel.

瑞秋。

Monica

What?!

什么！？

Phoebe

I don't know. (Pause) Me neither.

我不知道，我也不知道。

Joey

You forget how many great songs Heart had.

HEART 乐队不知道有多少动人的歌。

Chandler

Yeah.

没错。

Ross

You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.

你知道，Barracuda是我学会弹的第一首歌。

Chandler

So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.

所以，你听到它，你弹了它，说明这首歌一定是你写的。

Joey

Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but I'm not even sure I got it.

嘿，伙计们，又是那个笑话。我得说，尽管我当时捧腹大笑，可我其实没看懂。

Ross

What, you didn't get it? The doctor is a monkey.

什么，你没看懂？那个大夫是只猴子。

(He and Chandler crack up.)

（他和钱德勒大笑。）

Chandler

And monkeys can't write out prescriptions.

要知道猴子是不能开处方的。

(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)

（他和罗斯又大笑起来。乔伊只是坐在那里。）

Chandler

(stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.

（停止大笑，对罗斯）不许你笑我的笑话。

Ross

Your joke? Well, I think 'the Hef' would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.

你的笑话？要知道杂志社可不这么认为，否则就不会给我100美元的稿费。

Chandler

So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.

所以，你偷了我的笑话还偷了我稿费。

Ross

Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think I'll show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.

我本来要从自动柜员机那把它存进去，但是现在我要亲自送到那个迷人的柜员小姐那，告诉她我是个作家。

Chandler

Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.

好吧，她将会知道你的笑话是偷来的。

Ross

Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?

噢，你要干什么，跟着我去吗？

Chandler

Yeah!

对！

Ross

Well, I'm not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).

那么我现在哪也不去。（他坐下。）

Chandler

Okay (he goes to sit down).

好吧。（他坐下。）

(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)

（罗斯从椅子上跳起来跑出门，钱德勒紧追其后。）

Gunther

(handing Joey the bill) Here you go.

（把账单递给乔伊）结帐吧。

Joey

Ah, Gunther, I can't pay for this right now because I'm not working, so I've had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin' for stuff.

我说甘德，我没法付帐因为我现在没工作，因而我必须尽量避免奢侈行为，比如结帐。

Gunther

Well, if you want, you can work here.

好吧，如果你愿意，你可以在这工作。

Joey

Uh, I don't know. Ya see, it's just, see I was a regular on a soap opera y'know? And to go from that to this, I just... Plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends.

这个不好说。你知道我是一个正规的肥皂剧演员。这样的角色转变..我是说，并且那样的话，我还要服侍我的朋友们。

Gunther

Okay, but the money's good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.

但是金钱无罪，并且你可以随便盯着瑞秋看，想看多久就看多久。

Joey

What?!

什么？！

Gunther

Flexible hours.

我是说弹性工时。

Joey

Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?

也许我可以考虑当个服务员。我可以用用电话吗？

Monica

(visibly upset) She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.

（明显不高兴）她选择了瑞秋。尽管她试图掩盖，但这是明显的。她竟选择了瑞秋。

Chandler

(visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.

（明显不高兴）他偷了我的笑话，就这么偷走了。

Monica

It's wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.

这样做是不对，你知道还有什么不对吗？菲比选择了瑞秋。

Chandler

You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? I'm going to get a joke journal. Y'know? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.

你知道还有谁选择了瑞秋？罗斯！你知道罗斯还做了什么？他偷了我的笑话。我要办一个笑话杂志。收录我每时每刻编的每一个笑话。

Monica

That's a good idea.

是个好主意。

Chandler

Yeah!

对！

Monica

Do you know what's a bad idea?

你知道坏主意是什么？

Chandler

Picking Rachel.

选择了瑞秋。

Monica

That's right. (A noise comes from the living room.) Did you hear something?

说的对。你听到有动静吗？

Chandler

Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.

也许这声音来自罗斯，他正往我的脑袋里钻，企图窃取我的思想。

Monica

It's coming from the living room.

是客厅的声音。

(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)

（他们出去察看，发现乔伊裹着毯子在看他们的电视。）

Joey

(sheepishly) I finished my book.

（羞怯地）我把杂志看完了。

(Chandler and Monica slowly retreat back to bed.)

（钱德勒和莫妮卡慢慢退回床上。）

Monica

(entering) Hey, you guys.

（进来）嘿，诸位。

Phoebe and Rachel

Hey.

嗨。

Monica

(laughing) Oh, don't you guys look cute. You guys make such a cute couple.

（笑）噢，你们看起来真可爱，你们真是可爱的一对。

Rachel

Monica, what are you doing?

莫尼卡，你想说什么？

Monica

(laughing harder) Nothing, I'm just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.

（笑得更厉害）没什么。我只是想重现那天在我们那我们有过的有趣的谈话。记得吗，但是你选择了瑞秋没选我，真有趣。

Phoebe

I guess it was kinda funny.

我也觉得比较有趣。

Monica

(angrily) It wasn't funny at all! Why would you do that? Why didn't you pick me?

（生气地）一点也不有趣！你到底为什么要那样？为什么不选我？

Phoebe

Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that you're ... just ... kinda high maintenance---Okay let's go to lunch!

好吧。我之所以更倾向瑞秋一点，是因为你有些挑剔。还是吃午饭去吧！

Monica

That is completely untrue. You think I'm high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and we're going to go through it point by point!

这肯定不是事实。你说我挑剔？那你得有证据，我要你列个清单，然后我会逐条反驳你。

Phoebe

No, okay, you're right. You're easy-going. You're just not as easy-going as Rachel. She's just more flexible and-and mellow. That's all.

不，好吧，你是对的，你很随和，你只是不象瑞秋那样随和。瑞秋更温顺，更易相处，就这些。

Rachel

(To Monica) Well, people are different.

（对莫妮卡）没错，人与人是有区别的。

Phoebe

Ya, you know, Rachel ... she'll do whatever you want. Y'know, you can just walk all over her.

你知道瑞秋,你让她做什么，她就做什么。你可以随便操纵她。

Rachel

What? Wait a minute. What are you saying, that I'm a pushover? I'm not a pushover.

什么？等一下。你是说我是个软弱的人？我不是！

Phoebe

Oh, okay, (laughing) you're not a pushover.

哦，好，对，你不是。

Rachel

Oh my ... you think I'm a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? You're not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think that's pretty strong, that's what I think. Come on, Monica, let's go to lunch. (She leaves)

噢,天呀！你竟然认为我是个软弱的人。好吧，听着，我们不带你去吃午饭。你觉得怎么样？我觉得够劲，我就是这么想的。快点，莫尼卡，我们去吃午饭。（她离开。）

Monica

(to Phoebe) You start working on that list. (She grabs her coat and leaves, too.)

（对菲比）你应该这就列那个单子。（她抓起外套也离开了。）

Rachel

I cannot believe her.

她真不可思议。

Monica

I know. Where do you wanna go eat?

没错。你想去哪吃？

Rachel

Oh, oh, I love that Japanese place.

哦，哦，我爱死了那个日本餐厅。

Monica

I'm sick of Japanese. We're not going there.

我讨厌日本菜。我们不去那。

Rachel

All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.

好吧，你说去哪都可以。

Monica

All right.

好。

Ross

(showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.

（把《花花公子》杂志给甘瑟看）哦，嘿，甘德，瞧这个。

(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)

（甘瑟看了看笑话，笑了。）

Gunther

Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.

钱德真会搞笑。

(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)

（罗斯正要说什么，意识到甘瑟刚说的话，转身瞪着钱德勒。钱德勒只是耸耸肩。）

Joey

Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, 'cause I'm heading up there.

嘿罗斯,想喝点什么？因为我顺路过去。

Ross

Uh, yeah, I'll take a coffee. Thanks, man.

好吧，我要咖啡，谢谢。

Joey

Sure. (To Monica and Rachel) Coffee? 'Cause I'm going up there.

没问题。（对莫妮卡和瑞秋）要咖啡吗？我正要顺路过去。

Rachel

No.

不。

Monica

No, thank you.

不，谢谢。

Joey

(to a table of strangers) You guys need anything, 'cause I'm heading up there.

（对一桌陌生人）你们要点什么吗，因为我要顺路过去。

Woman

I'd love an ice water.

我要冰水。

Joey

You got it.

明白！

Monica

Joey, what are you doing?

乔依,你在干吗？

Joey

Just being friendly.

我只是乐于助人。

(He gives Monica a 'what's wrong with you?' look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)

（他给了莫妮卡一个“你有毛病啊”的眼神，然后走到柜台后面。）

Rachel

Joey, honey, I don't think you're supposed to go back there.

乔依，亲爱的，你不能到柜台后面去。

Joey

Nah, it's okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if they're in on a secret together.)

这没什么，对吧，甘德？（对他使眼色，好像他们之间有什么秘密似的。）

Gunther

Don't wink at me. And put on your apron.

别对我使眼色。戴上你的围裙。

Joey

Okay, but I don't see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.

好吧，可是你怎么不让其他顾客戴围裙呢？

Monica

Joey, do you work here?

乔依，你在这工作？

Joey

No.

谁说的。

Customer

Hey, waiter.

嘿，服务生。

Joey

Yeah?

在！

Commercial Break

广告时间

Monica

Joey, what's going on. What didn't you tell us you work here?

乔依,到底怎么回事。你在这工作为什么不告诉我们？

Joey

It's kind of embarrassing, y'know. I mean, I was an actor and now I'm a waiter. It's supposed to go in the other direction.

你知道，这有点难为情。我是说，我曾是个演员，现在却成了服务员。这有点背道而驰。

Chandler

So is your apron. You're wearing it like a cape.

就象你的围裙，它现在成了个披风。

Joey

I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know? I guess I'm going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.

这工作简单又能赚到钱。我想我会在这干一段时间，而且会得到收入，不是吗？我只是觉得招待你们几个有点别扭。

Rachel

Come on, Joey, I did it and it was fine.

听着，乔依,我做过这行，我觉得很好。

Ross

Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?

对，这有什么别扭的？嘿乔依，我能要点咖啡吗？

Joey

Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that weird.

OK,是没什么可别扭的。

Ross

Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still haven't gotten it.

说真的，我早就点过咖啡，可你一直没给我。

Joey

See, now it's weird again.

瞧，我又觉得别扭了。

Chandler

I think it's great that you work here. You're going to make a lot of money, and here's your first tip: Don't eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.

那就是别喝黄雪（醉鬼在雪地小便的结果）。（他笑了，然后拿起笔，瞪着罗斯，在他的日记里写道）哈 哈，2：15，咖啡厅。

Rachel

Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.

你知道吗，这太好了。我终于有机会传授我的智慧了。让我教你几招我在这工作时学到的经验。首先，顾客永远是正确的。（乔伊点头。）微笑通常都很奏效。（乔伊微笑。）如果有人对你无礼，就冲着他的松饼打喷嚏。

Joey

Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Y'know? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. It's all about turnover.

谢谢，瑞秋. 听着，你们真是太好了。现在你们是否可以请你们离开这，以便我招待一些新顾客。这全都是为了出于对营业额的考虑。

Ross

Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?

乔依,说真的，我要的咖啡呢？

Joey

Oh, I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, I'll toss in a free muffin.

哦，罗斯我太抱歉了。我这就给你上。既然让你恭候多时，我给你在咖啡里免费泡上一块松饼。

(He looks at Rachel and winks, she gives him the thumbs-up sign.)

（他看着瑞秋使眼色，她给他竖起大拇指。）

Rachel

Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.

菲比，我们要跟你谈谈。

Phoebe

Okay.

好啊。

Monica

So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?

也许我是有点太挑剔，也许瑞秋也有点太软弱，但是你知道我们是怎么看你的？

Rachel

Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.

我们很抱歉对你说这个，但是，你，菲比，是个怪物。

Monica

Hah!

哈！

Phoebe

That true, I am flaky.

说的对，我是个怪物。

Rachel

So, what, you're just, you're just okay with being flaky?

怎么，你可以接受你是个怪物？

Phoebe

Yeah, totally.

对，没问题。

Monica

Well, then, I'm okay with being high maintenance.

好吧，那么我也可以接受我是个挑剔的人。

Rachel

Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.

对，当个软弱的人也没什么。

Phoebe

That's great. Good for you guys.

太棒了，真为你们高兴。

Monica

I am not high maintenance!

我根本就不挑剔！

Rachel

I am not a pushover!

我根本就不软弱！

Phoebe

Who said you were?

谁这么说你们来着？

Monica and Rachel

You did!

你！

Phoebe

Oh, I'm flaky. I'll say anything.

哦，我是个怪物。什么话我都说。

Joey

Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.

嘿，甘德。你能－－你能替我一会吗？我要做个试镜。

Gunther

No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed.

不行，我正要去染头发。

Joey

Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, it's a great part. Look, check it out. I'm the lead guy's best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. 'I'm sorry, that seat's saved.'

真的吗？我还是喜欢你的本色。拜托，老兄，那是个不错的角色。听我说，我是男一号的铁哥们，我给他预留了位子，在这等他。瞧这个。“对不起，那个位子已经预订了。”

Gunther

That's the whole part?

这就是你的角色？

Joey

Okay, maybe he's not his best friend, but ...

好吧，他也不是是他的什么铁哥们，但是……

Gunther

Okay, I'll see you in an hour.

得了，一个小时后见。

Joey

Oh, man, I could totally get that part. 'I'm sorry, that seat is taken.'

噢，我肯定可以拿到那个角色。“对不起，那个位子已经预订了。”

Patron

Oh, excuse me.

对不起。

Joey

No, no, I didn't mean you. But, you believed me, huh?

对不起。不，我没说你。不过，你当真了？

Patron

I believed you were saving this seat for someone.

我真的认为你给什么人订了座位。

Joey

So, you'd hire me, right?

所以你雇用我了，对吗？

Patron

For what?

干吗？

Joey

Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.

这就对了！好吧，各位听着。我们的咖啡厅要停业一小时。

Customers

Huh? What?

嗯？什么？

Joey

Yeah, it's for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. It's a very important issue in this month's Playboy. I'm sure you all read about it.

这都是为了孩子。让孩子们远离毒品。这是这个月《花花公子》的主题。你们肯定都看过了。

Ross

It's my joke.

这笑话是我的。

Chandler

It's my joke.

是我的。

Ross and Chandler

It's my joke.

是我的。

Ross

Y'know, I don't think we're going to settle this.

我认为我们这样是解决不了问题的。

Chandler

Let's have Monica decide.

我们找莫尼卡来裁定。

Ross

Yeah!

好极了！

Chandler

Yeah!

好极了！

Ross

Hey Mon.

嘿，莫尼卡。

Chandler

Mon, get out here!

莫尼卡到这来！

Ross

Monica! (She appears, not sure why she was summoned.)

莫尼卡！（她出现，不确定为什么被叫来。）

Chandler

Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.

你得帮我们裁定这笑话到底是谁的。

Monica

Why do I have to decide?

为什么让我？

Chandler

Because you're the only one that can be fair.

因为你是唯一可以做到公正的人。

Ross

Yeah.

没错。

Monica

I can't be fair. You're my boyfriend.

我没法公正。你是我的男友。

Ross

Yeah, but I'm your brother. We're family. That's the most important thing in the world.

可我是你的哥哥。我们是一家人。家人是天底下最重要的。

Chandler

(to Ross) Don't try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) I'm your only chance to have a baby. Okay, let's go.

（对罗斯）别这样拉选票。（对莫妮卡，轻声地）只有我才能帮你生宝宝。

Ross

We'll each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truth---me.

我们将分别向你陈述我们编笑话的过程，由你来判断究竟谁说的是实话。是我。

Monica

Okay, Chandler, you go first.

好的，钱德,你先说。

Chandler

Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.

我在两个月前和Steve吃午饭的时候想到的这个笑话。

Monica

Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?

等一下，就是我在圣诞节见到的那个家伙？

Chandler

Can I finish my story?!

能让我先说完吗？！

Monica

Do you want me to pick you?!

你还想让我挑你吗？

Ross

See, I would never snap at you like that.

瞧，我是绝对不会象他那样对你吼的。

(Chandler motions to Monica that he'll give her two babies.)

（钱德勒对莫妮卡比划他会给她两个宝宝。）

Monica

Continue.

继续。

Chandler

So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steve's doctor's name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, 'Doctor Monkey?' And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)

Steve说他得去看他的医生。他的名字是Muppy医生。然后我说Monkey（猴子）医生？这就是猴子医生的由来。（他把脚重重地搁到桌上强调自己的论点。）

Ross

Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, I'm a doctor, and I had a monkey. I'm Doctor Monkey!

开什么玩笑。听我说，我是研究进化学的，知道进化学是什么？猴子变成人。另外我也是个doctor（博士，与医生同词），并且我养过一只猴子。我正是Doctor Monkey（猴子博士）。

Chandler

I'm not arguing with that.

这个我不跟你争。

Monica

All right, I've heard enough. I've made my decision.

行了，我听够了。我已经做出了判断。

(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)

（钱德勒和罗斯都急切地想听她的决定。）

Monica

You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and it's offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldn't be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!

你们两个都是白痴。这笑话一点也不好笑，而且它冒犯了女士、医生（博士）和猴子。别再争功了，看看是谁编造了这个愚蠢笑话，他应该受到谴责！别再提这事了，这笑话糟透了！

(Monica leaves the room)

（莫妮卡离开房间）

Ross

It's your joke.

这是你的笑话。

Chandler

Is not.

不是。

Monica

Hi, Chandler. There you are.

嗨,钱德.你在这。

Chandler

Hi, oh hi.

嗨。嗨。

Monica

Hey, it's Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why don't you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?

嘿，菲比和瑞秋在这。干吗不对她们说说你之前对我说的那些话，就是关于说我根本不挑剔的。

(Rachel and Phoebe exchange looks.)

（瑞秋和菲比交换眼神。）

Chandler

(starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and---(He falters and Monica prompts him.)---generosity of spirit.

（开始背诵排练好的演讲稿）莫尼卡是位自立的、合群的女士，（停顿）和她在一起感觉象在渡假。之所以我们会觉得她挑剔仅仅是因为她注重小节，并且——宽宏大量。

Rachel

Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think I've ever heard.

哇，知道吗？这是我听过最好的冒牌演讲。

Phoebe

Really? I've heard better.

是吗？我可听过更好的。

Monica

Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.

等一下，这都是他自己主动要说的。告诉他们钱德。

Chandler

(To Chandler) I'm out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?

（对钱德勒）我忘词了，要不我从头说一遍？

Monica

Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!

听着，我根本就不挑剔。钱德!

Chandler

(pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) You're a little high maintenance.

（挣扎着该说什么，停顿了一下）你是有那么点挑剔。

Monica

Ahhh! You are on my list.

啊哈！你上了我的黑名单。

Chandler

I'm sorry. You're not easy-going, but you're passionate, and that's good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I'm pretty good about making you feel better about that. And that's good too. So, they can say that you're high maintenance, but it's okay, because I like ... maintaining you.

很抱歉，你并不随和，但你充满热情，那样很好。当你因为小事生气的时候，我会恰如其分地帮你排解。那样也很好。所以，别人可以说你很挑剔，但那没什么，因为我喜欢让你挑剔。

Monica

(embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didn't even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right you're off my list.

（不好意思地）（对菲比和瑞秋）我可没让他说这些。（他们拥抱）好吧我把你从黑名单上撤下来。

Chandler

(happily) I'm off the list. (Sits on the couch.)

（开心地）我不在那名单上了。（坐在沙发上。）

Monica

(sits next to him) Phoebe, it's okay that you don't want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.

（坐在他旁边）菲比，不让我做你女朋友没关系，因为我有最好的男朋友。

Phoebe

(to Monica) Y'know, suddenly I find you very attractive.

（对莫妮卡）知道吗？我突然觉得你很迷人。

(Joey enters.)

（乔伊进来。）

Chandler

Hey, buddy boy, how'd the audition go?

嘿，伙计，你的试镜怎么样？

Joey

Not good, no. I didn't get the part, and I lost my job here, so ...

不怎么样。我没拿到那个角色，还丢了在这的工作。

Phoebe

Wow! That is a bad audition.

哇！你现在演的是很烂。

Rachel

How-how did you lose your job here?

你怎么会丢了这的工作？

Joey

Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.

我要去试镜，可甘德说我得留在这照顾生意，因为他要去染头发。我最终还是跑了，然后他就炒了我。

Rachel

He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when you've been working here two days? That's not, that's not right.

他大白天跑出去忙私事，然后把你一个刚工作两天的员工留在这里照顾生意？这不对，他做的不对。

Joey

Yeah, what are ya gonna do?

就是，你能怎么办？

Rachel

Joey, you can't let him get away with that. Ya know what, I'm not going to let him get away with that. I'm going to say something to him---No, I really shouldn't say anything---No, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him...

乔依，你不能让他逃避责任。知道吗，我不能这么便宜了他。我要去说说他？我不该去说什么？不对，我得去说点什么。（走到柜台）甘德,我要你给乔依官复原职，你辞掉他是不公平的。

Gunther

Okay.

好吧。

Rachel

What?

什么？

Gunther

He can have his job back.

他可以官复原职。

Rachel

That's right, he can have his job back. I'm glad we got that all straightened out. There you go, Joey, you got your job back.

很好，他可以恢复工作了。我很高兴我们把事情都说明白了。去吧，乔依，你的工作恢复了。

Joey

That's great. Thanks Rach.

太好了。谢谢你瑞秋。

Rachel

Yeah, pretty nice, huh? Now who's a pushover?

对，很好，哈？看看谁说我软弱来着？

Phoebe

(returning from the bathroom) Rach, you're in my seat.

（从洗手间回来）瑞秋,你占着我的座位。

Rachel

Oh, I'm sorry. (Gets up and moves.)

哦，对不起。（起身挪开。）

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Phoebe

Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend.

嘿，我还没问你们会选谁当女朋友。

Monica

I pick you, Phoebe.

我选你，菲比。

Rachel

Oh, yeah. Definitely you, Pheebs.

噢没错，肯定是你，菲比。

Phoebe

Yeah, well, I kinda thought.

我也这么认为。

(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)

（菲比从桌边站起来，趁她转身时，瑞秋和莫妮卡用手语表示她们都宁愿选对方。）

(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)

（乔伊、钱德勒和罗斯进来。）

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Rachel

Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?

嘿。我有一个问题。如-如-如果你们得从另外两个人中挑一个做约会对象，你们会挑谁？

Ross

No way.

不可能。

Joey

I'm not answering that.

我无可奉告。

Chandler

Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. I'm not answering that.

乔依！（停顿，大家都盯着他。）不可能。我不回答。

End

结束