The One With Joey's Porsche

Rachel

I cannot believe that you didn't tell me that we are still married!!

真不敢相信，你竟然没告诉我，我们还没离婚。

Ross

Look I was going to tell you!

我这不是正准备告诉你么。

Rachel

When?! After the birth of our first secret child?! (To All) Ross didn't get the annulment; we are still married.

什么时候？等到我们第一个私生子出世么？（对所有人）Ross还没拿到离婚协议书，我们还是夫妇。

Chandler

What?

什么？

Monica

You're kidding!

你开玩笑吧！

Phoebe

(overdoing it) Oh my God!!

（夸张地）欧，上帝呀！

Monica

Ross!

Ross!

Ross

Okay, maybe it wasn't my best decision. But I just couldn't face another failed marriage.

好吧，也许是我的不对，可我真的无法再次面对失败的婚姻了。

Chandler

Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?

我插进来问个问题先，你从那点看来，这曾经是个成功的婚姻呢？

Ross

Rach, come on, if you think about it, it's actually kinda funny. (He laughs, and he laughs alone.) Okay, maybe it's best not to think about it.

Rach，你想想，其实这还是挺有意思的。（他笑了，只有他一个人在笑。）好吧，也许还是什么都不要想的好。

Phoebe

Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!

这真是个不可饶恕的过错，我从心底里感到震惊。

Ross

Phoebe, I told her you already knew.

Phoebe，我已经告诉她你知道了。

Phoebe

Another lie. You have a sickness!

又一个谎言，你有毛病了吧！

Chandler

Ross, just for my own piece of mind, you're not married to anymore of us are ya?

Ross，只是随便问问，你不会再和我们中别的什么人结婚了吧？

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Joey

Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche!

噢！嘿，有人钥匙掉了。（看了看）噢，是保时捷的钥匙。

{Transcriber's note: Oh come on! Who would leave the keys to their Porsche behind? If I had a Porsche, I'd have the keys surgically attached to my hand!}

哦，拜托！谁会把自己的保时捷钥匙丢掉？如果我有保时捷，我一定把钥匙手术固定在手上！）

Joey

Hey Gunther, these yours?

嘿，Gunther，这是你的么？

Gunther

Yeah, that's what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!

是的，我就是开它来的。我每小时才赚4美元，我攒了整整350年！

Joey

Na-uh! (To everyone there) Hey did anybody lose their keys?

别瞎扯了！（对大家）嘿，有人掉了钥匙么？

Monica

Joey, why don't you put them in the lost and found?

Joey，你为什么不把它们放在失物招领箱呢？

Joey

There's a lost and found? (Gunther sets the box up on the table.) My shoe! (Grabs it out of the box.)

这儿有失物招领箱么？（甘瑟把箱子放到桌上。）我的鞋！（从箱子里拿出来。）

Chandler

You left a shoe here?!

你掉了只鞋在这儿？

Joey

Well, I didn't realize until I got home. I wasn't gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Y'know what? I'm gonna go find that guy's car and leave a note on the windshield. (Goes to do so.)

等我到家才发现，我才懒得穿着一只鞋走那么长的路回来取呢！知道吗？我去找那个人的车，然后在挡风玻璃上留张条。（去做。）

Chandler

Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, I'll be sure to give him your shoe.

好的，他回来找钥匙的时候，我只能把你的鞋子给他了。

Joey

Great! Thanks. (Exits.)

好的，谢谢！（离开。）

Phoebe

(coming in from the bathroom) Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!

（从洗手间出来）噢，太好了，太好了，你们都在呢！听我说，你们明天能帮我照顾一下三只超级可爱的小狗狗么？

Monica

Oh my God, what a fun day! That sounds great!

噢，好呀，肯定会很有趣的。

Chandler

(not enthused) Yeah, all right.

（不太热情）好吧，无所谓啦。

Phoebe

Okay, well I'll bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, they're not actually puppies, they're Frank and Alice's triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)

好的，那我明天早上把他们带过来。嗯，其实，他们不是真的小狗狗，他们是Frank和Alice的三胞胎。好的，再见！（离开。）

Chandler

Whoa-whoa-whoa! What?

喂-喂-喂，什么？

Phoebe

(stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and I'm nervous 'cause I've never done that before by myself!

（停下）求求你们了，求求你们了！就帮个忙吧！Frank和Alice让我帮忙看孩子，我好紧张亚，我原来从来没照顾过孩子！

Monica

Don't worry about it Phoebe, we'll absolutely do it.

别担心，Phoebe，我们当然会帮忙了。

Chandler

Yeah, I'm gonna pass. 'Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.

我也没问题，如果是小狗，我反倒觉得可疑呢。

Monica

Come on Chandler, come on! It'll give us great practice for when---(realizes what she's about to say and changes)---people with babies come to visit.

别这样，Chandler，这是绝佳的练习机会，如果……如果有人带小孩来拜访的时候。

Guy #1: Nice car!

车不错呀。

Joey

Yeah, it's not mine.

可惜不是我的。

Woman

(walking up) I love your car.

（走过来）挺喜欢你的车。

Joey

Yeah, it's (looks up and sees the woman) mine.

是的，（抬头看到女人）当然是我的。

Woman

I bet it's fast.

开起来肯定很快吧？

Joey

Me too! Yeah. And comfortable. Do uh, do you like leather seats?

当然了，而且很舒适，你……你喜欢绒毛座椅么？

Woman

Yeah!

当然了！

Joey

(checks in the window to make sure it has them) It's got 'em!

（往车窗里看确认一下）它正好有。

Rachel

So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Ross's, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.

这儿有我的箱子，Ross那里也有，可是我却没地方住！唉，我现在很容易就胡思乱想。

Phoebe

What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I don't have a roommate.

那我呢？我刚发现Denise出城之后，就没人和我一起住了。

Rachel

Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs.

也许，也许我可以和你一起住，Pheebs.

Phoebe

Maybe you could be my roommate!

是呀，也许你可以当我的室友！

Rachel

Well there's an idea!!

这主意不错吧！

Phoebe

Yeah!

是呀！

Rachel

That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for?

太好了！可是，Denise什么时候回来呢？

Phoebe

Umm, she said she'd be back December 26th.

恩，她说她12月26号回来。

Rachel

December 26th, huh maybe she's Santa Clause.

12月26号？也许她就是圣诞老人呢。

(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)

（菲比笑了，然后停下来想了想。罗斯进来。）

Rachel

(deadpan) Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye.

（面无表情）噢，瞧呀，这是谁呀，我老公，我的小甜心。

Ross

Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. I'll take care of everything.

好了，我们明天中午2：00上庭。我取来了所有的表，我来搞定一切。

Rachel

Well sure, if you say you're gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now I'm gonna do this my way and I don't want to hear a peep out of you!

当然了，如果你说你来搞定所有事情的话，我当然没有理由质疑你了。把表给我！（从他手里抢过来。）好吧，这次我要用我的方法办事，我不希望你叽叽喳喳的插嘴。

Ross

Okay Rach, but...

好吧，Rach，可是……

Rachel

Op! You're peeping!

噢，开始啦！

(Ross grunts something and hands her the pen he was trying to hand her.)

（罗斯咕哝了一句，把他一直想递给她的笔递过去。）

Rachel

Ross! Y'know what, I just got---why? Why did you do this?!

Ross! 我只是，我……为什么？你为什么这么做？

Ross

Look I told you...

我跟你说过的。

Rachel

I don't wanna hear "Three failed marriages!"

我不想听什么“三次婚姻失败”了。

Ross

Look, if you'd had two failed marriages, you'd understand!

如果你有两次失败的婚姻，你就会懂了！

Rachel

Well, y'know what? Thanks to you I'm half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I don't think I have ever been this angry!

好吧，那我该谢谢你，我现在有一次了。噢，噢，我要疯了！Ross，我从来没有这么生气过！

Ross

What about the time I said we were on a break?

我那次说我们分开的时候呢？

Rachel

Ugh! (Stares at him.)

噢！（瞪着他。）

Monica

Pheebs, how's it going?

Pheebs，情况如何？

Phoebe

(rapidly) I'm doing okay. I think it's going well. Do you think they're having fun? Am I talking to fast?

（很快地）很好呀，我觉得都很顺利。你觉得他们开心么？我是不是说得太快了？

Monica

Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, it's going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.

没有啊，我和你差不多。Pheebs，一切都很顺利，你瞧Chandler和小乖乖女Chandler。

Chandler

Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. It's times like these I'm glad Smell-O-Vision hasn't been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When you're done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)

小乖乖女Chandler，我原来在那里听过？噢，是的，Ruben教练。（试着让她多喝一点奶，突然闻到什么味道。这种时候我很庆幸“气味视觉”还没被发明出来。）你知道吗Pheebs？你那里忙完了赶快过来，我这里也有情况了。（菲比正在换她那个宝宝的尿布。）

Phoebe

Na-uh, no, we are all responsible for our own babies.

不，不行，我们各自负责自己的宝宝。

Chandler

See that's where I think that you're wrong. We've been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.

你瞧，我正巧觉得它有问题呢。我们不应该人盯人的对付这些宝贝儿，我们应该区域防守。

Monica

What do you mean?

什么意思？

Chandler

I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And y'know Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around... (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)

我只是觉得这样处理起来会简单一些，如果我们都有各自负责的区域的话。Phoebe，你可以负责给他们擦洗。而你呢，Monica，负责给他们换尿布，而我则可以负责欣赏他们在我怀里那可爱的小模样。（逐渐变成儿语，指宝宝抓住他手指的时候。）

Phoebe

That sounds really great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping.

这听起来确实是挺不错的，不过也许你该负责给他们擦洗。

Chandler

Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.

可是，我是个新手，不应该把我放在末区。

Monica

This is so great! This is exactly how we set the plates at the restaurant.

这太有意思了！我们餐厅里就是这样摆盘子的。

Phoebe

Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.

是么？（检查最后一块尿布）可这并不是我点的菜啊！

Joey

(entering) Hey guys!

（进来）嘿！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Hey babies! Oh, I'm having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche I've got the keys too, still there!

嗨，宝贝们！噢，今天是最开心的一天了。那辆，那辆我有钥匙的保时捷，还在那儿呢！

Chandler

Shocking! Since you still have the keys.

真让人吃惊，你竟然还拿着钥匙。

Joey

You should see the treatment I get when I'm with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.

你该看看我和那车在一块儿的时候，人们是怎么对我的！他们对我特别友好，他们想和我聊天，不只是关于那辆车！有个人甚至给我股票投资提建议。

Chandler

What equity investments?

什么股票投资？

Joey

The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, they're gonna start to think that I don't own it. So I figured I'll wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?

就是帮我赚钱买保时捷的呀，你到底有没有在听？（钱德勒用婴儿湿巾擦额头，那可能是用过的。他厌恶地丢掉。）可是我想，如果他们看见我一直在那儿傻站着的话，他们也许会觉得那车不是我的。所以，我准备洗车。Monica，我可以借用一下你的水桶和肥皂么？

Monica

Oh yeah, I got soap and sponges and rags and Carnuba wax and polishing compound.

当然了，我有肥皂、海棉、抹布和车蜡，还有擦亮剂呢。

Chandler

You don't even have a car!

可你自己连车都没有呀？

Monica

I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.

我知道，可是，有一次我看见了一辆非常脏的汽车就在我们这栋前面，所以我就把它给洗了。

Chandler

And?

还有呢？

Monica

And six others.

还有另外6辆别的。

Chandler

There you are.

怪不得呢。

Joey

Yeah, she tops out at 130.

Yeah，它速度可达130呢。

Guy #2: Wow!

哇！

Joey

And that's just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.

这还是在城里的，如果开到城外，我可以加速到160。

Guy #2: Really! You got a place upstate?

是么？你城外也有房子？

Joey

Sure!

当然了。

Guy #2: Well, I'll see you later.

好的，回见。

Joey

Okay, take it easy.

好的，回见！

The Porsche Owner

Hey! That's my car.

嗨！这是我的车。

Joey

Really? Oh uh, oh just give me five more minutes with it.

是么？嗯……再给我5分钟时间。

The Porsche Owner

What-what are you doing?

什么？你在干什么？

Joey

Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now I'm just polishing her up.

我，我捡到这些钥匙，现在只是想把它擦亮一些。

The Porsche Owner

But it's my car!

可，这是我的车呀。

Joey

Yeah, but it's my wax.

是的，没错，但蜡是我的。

The Porsche Owner

Listen, I-I-I don't come to this city much so I don't know if you're crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.

好吧，我-我不经常来这儿，我不知道是你疯了，还是把这当作是街头艺术表演？可是，我能要回我的钥匙么？

Joey

Sure. Here. (He hands them over.) I'll uh, save your parking spot.

当然了，给你。（递过去。）我帮你把车位留着。

The Porsche Owner

I'm not coming back.

我不会回来了。

Joey

Why not?

为什么？

The Porsche Owner

I live upstate.

我住在城外。

Joey

Yeah, so did I.

是么？我也是。

(The guy gets in and drives off.)

（那人上车开走了。）

Phoebe

I don't know why I was so nervous about this. And I don't know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.

我不知道我为什么这么紧张。我也不知道为什么Frank和Alice老是抱怨个不停。这看起来很容易么。

Monica

Yeah, two hours, a lifetime that's the same.

是呀，两个钟头和一辈子真的是差不多呀。

Chandler

(entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)

（进来）瞧瞧这个，瞧瞧这个！小宝宝醒的时候，就会看见这个Krog了。（他举起一个类似《战士公主西娜》里的战士公仔。）

Monica

Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someone's eye out!

Chandler，你在干嘛？这东西会把他们的眼珠戳出来！

Chandler

He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!

他比这强大的多，他可以毁灭整个宇宙！

Phoebe

No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, that's just gonna mess them up.

不，Chandler，他们会吞下那些小部件的！而且，你瞧那些光滑的部分，会把他们搞得一团糟。

Chandler

They're not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!

他们不会吞任何东西的。你们太过于多虑了。我小的时候，我妈还把我扔到碎玻璃堆里去呢。

Phoebe

What?!

什么？

Chandler

Glass, sand, whatever. (Walks out as Monica and Phoebe turn to check on the babies again.)

玻璃，沙子，管他什么呢。（走出去，莫妮卡和菲比转身又去看宝宝们。）

Phoebe

Oh, look at little Leslie stretching in her sleep.

噢，你看小Leslie在睡梦中舒展着身体。

Monica

Oh it's so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.

她太可爱了！你是什么时候开始不能把双腿伸到头后面的？

Phoebe

Oh, I can still do that.

噢，我现在也可以亚。

Monica

How are you still single?!

那你为什么现在还单身？

Chandler

(entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe you're right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.

（进来）好吧。（清清嗓子）我好好想了想，也许你们是对的，Krog可能不是个安全的玩具。

Monica

Good. What made you change your mind?

是么？是什么让你改变主意的呢？

Chandler

I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.

我吞下了他的声速爆破枪。

Phoebe

How did that happen?!!

怎么会这样呢？

Chandler

Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Y'know? And it turns out I was wrong. And now it's lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)

我只是试着证明我是对的。可是，结果却证明我是错的。现在它还卡在我喉咙里呢。（模仿猫咳毛球。）（又做一次。）

Monica

Damnit! Y'know this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)

真是的，我们一直把注意力放在那些宝宝身上了，可是却没人看着Chandler！（他又做一次。）

Judge

Okay you two are asking the court for an annulment?

好的，你们是来领取离婚协议的，是么？

Rachel

Yes your honor, and here are, are forms, all filled out.

是的，法官大人，这是我们填好的表。

Judge

So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.

你们申请上面说，离婚是因为Geller先生精神上不稳定。

Ross

Fine, I'm mentally unstable.

好吧，我脑子确实有毛病了。

Judge

And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.

而且Geller先生还是个瘾君子。

Ross

What?!

什么？

Rachel

Uh yes, heroin and crack.

是的，海洛因和crack。

Ross

Crack isn't even an intravenous drug!

Crack根本就不是静脉注射毒品。

Rachel

Well, you would know.

鬼知道你是怎么用的。

Judge

Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?

这儿还说，婚前隐瞒自己的性取向？

Ross

Oh, come on!

啊？什么？

Rachel

(starts to cry) Ross, please, I found the magazines!

（开始哭）Ross，别骗人了，我发现那些杂志了！

Judge

And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin.

最后以至于你们无法继续这段婚姻。也确实只能这样了，你是同性恋，还有毒瘾。

Ross

Okay, I'm sorry, this is insane! I-I-I'm not addicted to heroin, I'm not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, I'll consummate this marriage right here, right now!

好吧，对不起，这太荒谬了！我，我，我没吸毒，也不是同性恋。没有任何东西阻止我继续任何事情！我现在就继续我这段婚姻，此时此刻！

Judge

That won't be necessary.

你没必要这么做。

Ross

And when we were dating we consummated like bunnies!

我们开始约会的时候，如胶似漆。

Rachel

Ugh!

欧！

Judge

Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.

如果你们俩现在还保持那种过分的关系的话，那确实算是有问题了。

Rachel

Ross! Your honor, rest assured that relationship ended like two years ago! (To the stenographer) And could you strike "Consummated like bunnies" from the record?

Ross! 法官大人，我们的热情早在两年前就消逝殆尽了。（对速记员）您能把“继续过分的关系”加到纪录里面么？

Judge

Is there, anything in this record that is actually true?

这记录里面的东西，到底有什么是真的？

Rachel

Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.

恩，我们确实是在Vegas结的婚，那里的名字是……

Judge

Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly don't qualify for an annulment. If you two don't want to be together you'll have to file for divorce.

好了，基于我所听到的，你们不够资格领取离婚证书。如果你们不想过了的话，那就为离婚官司准备文件吧。

Ross

(stands up) That's great! Are you happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form!

（站起来）好吧，你现在满意了吧？你瞧你和你那些搞笑的表格都干了些什么！

Rachel

(stands up as well) What?! Me?! What about you and your consummated like bunnies nonsense!

（也站起来）什么？我？那你呢？还有你那些什么如胶似漆的鬼话？

Ross

And what---(notices the stenographer is still typing)---What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We don't get the annulment. Don't type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (He's still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!

那又怎么了？（注意到速记员还在打字）你还在敲什么？你没听到她的话么？我们领不到离婚证书了。别敲了！干嘛？还敲？（他走到速记员打字的地方，途中把瑞秋推开。）嘿！别敲了！别敲了！别敲了！

Rachel

(to the judge) Okay, do you see, do you see what you're keeping me married too?!

（对法官）看见了么？看见了么？你还要我和这样的人一起生活！

Judge

You need to get out of my chambers.

你们该出去了！

Rachel

All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!

好吧，女士，要么这样，我来是为了离婚证书，你给我我就走。

Ross

Yeah!

Yeah!

Judge

Would you like to spend the night in jail?

你们想到监狱过夜么？

Rachel

And thank you for your time. (They both beat a hasty retreat.)

耽误您时间了！（两人匆忙退出。）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Joey

(entering wearing nothing but Porsche clothes) So the Porsche guy took his car back.

（进来，从头到脚穿着保时捷服饰）保时捷的车主把车取回去了。

Chandler

But you found the keys to his clothes?

可你发现了开他衣服的钥匙？

Joey

No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.

不，我只是……我只是喜欢别人认为我有保时捷车的那种感觉。

Monica

And people will think you own a Porsche because you're wearing the clothes?

别人会因为你穿着这身衣服而认为你有保时捷么？

Joey

Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didn't have the car! Right?

当然了！只有傻瓜才会自己没车却还穿着这身衣服，不是么？

Chandler

That is true.

是的，当然了。

Phoebe

Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.

恩，而且只有天才才会吞下声速爆破枪。

Joey

Oh, I've been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche. (Starts to leave.)

噢，我吞过一次。我去开我的保时捷了。（要走。）

Monica

Joey, you know you don't actually have one.

Joey，你知道你并没有呀。

Joey

Come on! What are you doing?! I'm in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)

干嘛，你们这是干什么？我正在扮演我的角色呢。你告诉她吧！（冲出去。）

Chandler

Ahh, I think it just moved. It's really poking me.

啊，它好像移了位置，戳的我好疼呀。

Monica

All right, that's it, we're going to the emergency room.

好吧，算了，我们去急诊室吧！

Phoebe

What?! No, you can't, you can't leave me here with them! We're baby-sitting!

什么？不，不行，你们不能把他们留给我一个人照顾。

Monica

The babies are asleep, I'm sure you'll be okay on your own for a while!

宝宝们睡着了，你先一个人撑一下好么？

Phoebe

But you-you can't leave me with them! We-we're a team! We're playing a zone! They're gonna triple team me!

可是你们不能把他们都留给我一个呀！我们可是一个战队！我们坚守着各自的区域！他们三个会联合起来对付我一个的。

Monica

He's got something plastic lodged in his throat, we've got to go to the hospital.

现在有个塑料东西卡在他喉咙里了，我们要去医院。

Phoebe

But no, because a doctor won't be able to help him, it's just gonna y'know naturally pass through his system in like seven years.

可是，医生帮不了他呀，它得要自然降解，大概需要7年吧。

Chandler

I think that's gum.

那是口香糖吧。

Phoebe

I'm pretty sure it's gun.

我很确信是手枪。

Chandler

Okay, listen this really hurts. Let's go.

好吧，听着，真得很疼，我们走吧。

Phoebe

A real man wouldn't just run to the hospital! (They don't stop.) No! What would, what would Krog do? (They ignore her and Phoebe is left alone.)

男子汉可不会跑到医院去。（他们没停。）不！如果是Krog，他会怎么做呢？（他们不理她，菲比被独自留下。）

Joey

Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?

那小子怎么还没把我的车开回来！

Passerby

Maybe because you've got the keys?

也许是因为钥匙在你手上？

Joey

(to women passing him) Porsche.

（对路过的女人）保时捷。

(Ross and Rachel approach, they're still yelling at each other.)

（罗斯和瑞秋走过来，还在互相喊叫。）

Rachel

This is totally your fault!

这都是你的错！

Ross

My fault?! You threatened the judge!

我的错？是你威胁法官的！

Rachel

Well, you ripped the paper out of the court reporter's machine!!

你还把记录机里面的纸都扯出来了呢！

Ross

That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!

只有那样才会让他停下来呀。

Joey

Hi! How are the Gellers?

Hi！你们好呀，Geller夫妇！

Rachel

Don't call us that! (Storms away)

别这么叫我们！（冲走）

Ross

The judge wouldn't let us get an annulment! Now we gotta get a divorce!! Did a Porsch throw up on you? (Walks on.)

法官不给我们离婚证书！我们之好打官司离婚了！你是不是撞上保时夹了？（继续走。）

Joey

Hey! It's Porsche!! (He's right y'know.)

嘿！是保时捷！（他说的没错。）

Phoebe

Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, I'm gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, I'll set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? 'Cause let's face it, we're at Monica's. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, that's just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you can't answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, you're a lot mischievous! Well, it'll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister now---who aren't there! (They both have disappeared as well.)

我来照顾你们，完全没问题！你们都很安全，不是么？好吧，我要把这个泡泡当作是，“当然了，我也行！”好了，等我处理完这个脏尿布，Leslie，我会给你换个干净的。（不看后面往垃圾桶扔，没扔中，打翻了花瓶和花，掉到地上摔碎了。）噢，我不是有意吓唬你的，我得收拾干净亚。不是么？要敢于面对，这是Monica的家。（爬过去，处理掉尿布，捡起花和花瓶。）我打碎了它，好吧，又怎么样呢？事情原本就是这样呀。（把花和花瓶都扔了。）好了，完了。（转身，只数到两个宝宝。）怎么只剩你们两个了？Leslie在哪里？算了，你又不能回答。（开始找她）Leslie？你在哪里？Leslie，这可是你说第一个字的绝佳时机呀！（转身，发现Leslie爬到了电视柜最下面的抽屉里。）噢，瞧瞧你！嘿！你可真有点儿调皮呀！天哪！（抱起她，发现抽屉里还有个惊喜。）噢，你可不只是一点儿调皮而已！好吧，它自己会干的。（用脚关上抽屉。）（对Leslie）好了，你和你弟弟、妹妹坐好——他们到哪儿去了？（两个也不见了。）

Chandler

(entering) Hey!

（进来）嘿！

Phoebe

(exhausted) How do you feel?

（筋疲力尽）你感觉怎么样？

Chandler

Well, let's just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.

恩，Krog在12到24小时内，就又可以全副武装，再次毁灭宇宙了。

Phoebe

Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed 'em, bathed 'em, and put 'em to bed.

好吧，我完全一个人照顾好了所有的宝宝。给他们喂食，给他们洗澡，送他们上床。

Chandler

And protected them from a tornado?

而且还在龙卷风到来时保护他们？

(Monica enters and her jaw drops in horror.)

（莫妮卡进来，惊得下巴都掉了。）

Monica

Oh my God.

噢，天哪！

Phoebe

I know, the babies are asleep.

我知道，孩子睡着了。

Monica

Phoebe, what, what happened here?!

Phoebe，这儿怎么了？

Phoebe

I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!

是我，我一个人照顾所有的孩子。

Monica

But my apartment!

可是我的房子！

Chandler

Was the setting of Phoebe's triumph.

这可是Phoebe的得意之作。

Monica

But the mess!

可是这儿一团糟亚。

Chandler

Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself.

可这和Phoebe照料孩子的功劳相比，又算得上什么呢？

Monica

You're right, you're right I shouldn't freak out. 'Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!

你说得对，你说得对，我太在意了。因为我和你有孩子以后，也会这样的。你说什么时候呢？

Chandler

(pause) Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess!!!!

（停顿）Phoebe，你能不能看看这一团糟！

Rachel

(deadpan) Oh honey thank God you're home, I was getting worried.

（面无表情）噢，亲爱的，你总算回来了，我好担心呀！

Ross

I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, I've already signed everything and I put little 'X's where you need to sign.

我拿回来了离婚协议。我把所有的都签好了，我把你要签字的地方都划了个小“X”。

Rachel

Oh, little 'X's! Great! That makes up for everything!

噢，小“X”，太好了，一切都可以弥补了。

Ross

Y'know, I-I---you've done a lot of stupid stuff too! Okay?

你知道么？你还不是做了很多蠢事？

Rachel

Oh, name one stupid thing that is as stupid as this one!

噢，那就说一个和这次一样傻的事情。

Ross

Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!

好吧，就说你那次飞到伦敦阻止我婚礼！还有，你在我结婚后告诉我你还爱我。

Rachel

Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!

嘿！等一下，这完全不同，我做哪些事是因为我那时还爱你。

Ross

Yeah! Right!

是么！好吧！

(Pause.)

（停顿。）

Ross

You're right. That's very different. So let's, let's just sign the papers. All right? (Sits down and Rachel keeps standing there.) What?

你说的对，那完全是另外一回事。我们还是，还是签协议吧。好吗？（坐下，瑞秋还站着。）怎么了？

Rachel

Nothing. (Sits down.)

没什么。（坐下。）

Ross

Okay, can we just sign please?

好吧，开始签吧。

Rachel

Uh-hmm. (Just as Rachel finishes signing her name, Ross yanks each page out of the way.)

Uh-hmm。（瑞秋刚签完名字，罗斯就把每一页都抽走。）

Ross

Congratulations. (Gets up to leave.)

祝贺你！（起身要走。）

Rachel

Okay Ross, we're---wait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.

好吧，Ross，等一下，我，我想做点儿忏悔。

Ross

What?

什么？

Rachel

Well, y'know this whole marriage thing, kinda my idea.

这次结婚的事情，也算是我的主意。

Ross

Excuse me?

什么？

Rachel

Well, remember how we were too drunk to remember anything the night we were married?

还记得我们结婚那晚，我们喝得太多，什么都不记得了么？

Ross

Yeah?

是的？

Rachel

And uh, yeah, I didn't really, I didn't want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.

我不是很想，不是很想说，不过，一切都不停的在我眼前浮现，还记得我们在俱乐部里面，为了某个原因而吃一大堆葡萄取乐么？我觉得如果我们结婚的话，可能会更高兴的。于是，我们就决定折衷一下，先结婚，然后（罗斯加入）再去吃葡萄。结果就……对不起，把我们带到今天这样的局面。

Ross

So then if-if---I mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.

那么，就是说，如果仔细想来的话，这都是（停顿）你的错了？

Rachel

Yeah, don't push it though.

是的，别说的太过分。

Ross

I've got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.

我得说，我和很多女人离过婚，可我从来就没想过我会和你离婚。

Rachel

I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldn't be a secret, and we wouldn't have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)

我知道。我总是想，如果我们结婚，我们会白头到老。这也不会是一个秘密，而且我们不会在必胜客里面举行婚礼。（两人都笑了。）

Ross

Did I, did I even treat?

最后是我，是我请的客么？

Rachel

No, it was on the house, it was, it was a newlywed special.

没有，算在房间上了，是特别为新婚夫妇准备的。

Ross

That may be the most depressing thing I've heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyer's office.

这也许是我这辈子以来听过得最伤心的事情了。我该把这些送到我律师办公室了。

Rachel

Hey, thanks Ross, for taking care of all of this.

嗨，谢谢你，Ross，照料这一切。

Ross

Eh, no problem.

Eh，没问题。

(They hug.)

（他们拥抱。）

Rachel

I'm gonna need a copy of those.

我需要复制一份。

Ross

Totally. (Exits.)

当然了。（离开。）

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Joey

Hey! Hey! Be careful around my Porsche!

嘿！嘿！小心我的保时捷！

Woman

(the same one from before approaches) Hi Joey.

（之前那个女人走过来）嗨 Joey。

Joey

Hey! How you doin'?

嘿！你好吗？

Woman

(to her friend) He has the most amazing Porsche under there!

（对朋友）他那最好的保时捷就在这下面。

Joey

I'd love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)

我很想给你们展示一下，不过我刚把它罩上，它在睡觉呢。（两个女人都笑了）嘿，你们想去喝一杯么？（就在这时，刚才那个带橄榄球的家伙飞身接球，落在车罩上，把它压塌了。原来乔伊用一堆箱子搭成了保时捷的样子。）

End

结束