The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance

Rachel

So, which of this kitchen stuff is mine?

好吧，这些厨房用品中哪些是我的？

Monica

This bottle opener. (She grabs it off of the freezer door.)

这个开瓶器。（她从冰箱门上拿下来。）

Rachel

And?

还有？

Monica

And it's a magnet!

还有就是它是带磁性的！

Rachel

Look at that!

看看这个！

Ross

How weird is that? Y'know? You're moving in with me and have the one thing I don't have. It's like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.

真是太不可思议了，你明白吗？你要搬来跟我住了，并且带着那个我没有的东西。就象嗯，在某种程度上你——你成全了我（菲比瞪着他）的厨房。

Rachel

What?!

什么？！

Ross

(in an Australian accent) You complete me kitchen, matey!

（用澳大利亚口音）你完善了我的厨房，好伙伴！

Phoebe

Ross, I know what you're thinking.

罗斯，我知道你想的是什么。

Ross

What?

什么？

Phoebe

That she's gonna move in with you and maybe then she'll fall in love with you and then when she finds out you're already married, she'll just be happy. Y'know? You're just, you're very sad.

就是她要搬来和你一起住了，并且她会再次爱上你。而当那时她发现你们已经结婚了，她会高兴的，懂吗？你——你真可耻。

Ross

Oh...my...God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!

噢……上帝……呀！我——我明白这是怎么一回事了。你爱上瑞秋了！

Phoebe

What?!!

什么？！

Ross

Of course! It all adds up! I mean you you're obsessed with her. It's always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her!

当然咯！这太合理了！我是说你——你被她迷住了。就是这样，“罗斯，你要对瑞秋怎么样？”“罗斯，你——你为什么要搬去和瑞秋住？”“你什么时候才会向瑞秋坦白你们那秘密的婚约？”你要她！

Phoebe

No! (Ross's phone rings.)

不！（罗斯的电话响了。）

Ross

(answering it) Uh-oh, saved by the bell. (On phone) Hello?

（接电话）啊噢，电话铃救了你。（对着电话）你好？

Monica

Hey Rach, aren't these candlesticks (holds up a pair) mine?

嘿瑞秋，这些烛台（举起一对）不是我的吗？

Rachel

No-no, I bought those.

不不，这是我买的。

Monica

Ohh! Yeah, I forgot.

噢！对，我忘了。

Rachel

Yeah. (Rachel walks away.)

对。（瑞秋走开。）

Monica

(under her breath) That you're a liar. (Hides the candlesticks in a drawer.)

（低声说）你是个骗子。（把烛台藏进抽屉。）

Ross

(on phone) No-no-no, that's great! I'll be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y uh U!

（打电话）不不不，那太好了！我会在周一到那儿的，再次谢谢你！好的。（挂断）（对大家）呃，那是大学古生物系的头儿，N Y U（纽约大学）！

Monica

Wow! Uh what, did he uh, say?

哇奥！他——说了——什么？

Ross

Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it.

还记得我去年发表的那篇关于沉积物流动率的论文吗？他们喜欢。

Rachel

Well, who wouldn't?!

对，有谁不呢？！

Ross

I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean it's temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."

我知道！总之，他们请我去做客席讲师。我是说这是临时的，不过呢，如果他们喜欢我的话，那就可能会变成一份全职工作了。想想信箱上的大写字母瞧起来会有多棒？“盖勒教授”。

Phoebe

Yeah, Professor and Mrs.

对，教授及夫人。

Rachel

And Mrs.?

及夫人？！

Phoebe

Oh! Yeah, y'know you and Ross are still married.

噢！对呀，你知道你和罗斯还结着婚呢。

Rachel

What?!!

什么？！

Phoebe

Just kidding!

开个玩笑！

Rachel

Ohh! Oh God! (Laughs her way into the living room.)

噢！噢 上帝！（笑着走进起居室。）

Phoebe

(To Ross) Saved your ass.

（对罗斯）救你一命。

Opening Credits

片头字幕

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hi.

嗨。

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Oh, what's the matter?

噢，怎么了？

Phoebe

Well, you know that psychic I see?

好吧，你认识那个我看过的通灵者吗？

Chandler

Yeah?

对呀？

Phoebe

Well, she told me that I'm gonna die this week, so I'm kinda bummed about that.

她说我这个礼拜会死，于是对此我就有点状态不佳。

Chandler

What?!

什么？！

Phoebe

Yeah, and I know you guys don't know a lot about psychic readings, but that one is pretty much the worse one you can get.

对，我知道你们几个不太了解通灵术，但这可是你能得到的最糟的结果了。

Monica

Phoebe that's crazy!

菲比这太疯狂了！

Joey

I can't believe she would say that too you.

我不能相信她会对你说那些东西。

Rachel

Yeah honey you don't believe her do you?

是啊亲爱的，你不相信她，不是吗？

Phoebe

I don't---she said y'know that I'd have triplets! But she also said one of them would be black.

我不？你知道她说过我会生个三胞胎的！但她也说过其中一个是黑人。

Chandler

Just out of curiosity did she tell you how you're gonna go?

只是出于好奇，她有没有说你会怎么死？

Phoebe

No, 'cause she didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean I've only got a week left, y'know? I've really gotta start living now! (So she picks up the latest copy of Car and Driver (a U.S. auto magazine), leans back, and starts reading.)

没有，因为她不到最后关头也不会告诉我我会死，而且我可不想再浪费一个小时在那儿了！我是说我只有一个礼拜了，知道吗？我真是该开始好好活了！（于是她拿起最新一期《Car and Driver》杂志，往后一靠，开始读。）

Ross

(entering) Hey everyone!

（进来）嘿各位！

Chandler

Oh hi!

噢 嗨！

Ross

Hey uh, well, today's my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?

嘿，今天是我的第一堂课，我有点想先给你们讲讲试试，你们——你们介意吗？

(They pause to think about it.)

（他们停顿了一下想了想。）

All

Oh that'd be great. Sure!

噢 那太好了，当然可以！

Ross

(he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct..."

（他开始逐字轻声读卡片）“关于沉积物的流动率有三种主要理论。其中每一种又能被进一步分成两种截然不同的……”

Phoebe

Oh, this is it. This what's gonna kill me.

噢，就是它了。就是它会杀了我。

Ross

(continuing) "...subcategories. The first of these subcategories is..."

（继续）“……子理论。其中第一个子理论是……”

Joey

(interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?

（打断他）呃 罗斯！那张纸上有——有脱光的女孩儿吗？

Ross

No! Why?

没有！为什么（会有）？

Joey

Well, I've just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didn't have naked chicks on it.

好吧，我可从没见过一个人那么认真的盯着一张纸，而那纸上却没有脱光的女孩儿。

Ross

Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into..."

噢！好吧 好吧。（继续逐字读卡片）“有三种（停顿，看乔伊）主要理论，关于沉积物的流动率。（停顿，眼神在钱德勒和瑞秋之间快速移动）（瑞秋开始笑）其中每一种（瞥一眼菲比）又能被进一步分成（瞥一眼钱德勒）……”

Chandler

Why don't you open with a joke?

你为什么不用一个笑话来开场呢？

Ross

Open with a joke? It's a university, not a comedy club!

以笑话开场？那可是大学，不是什么喜剧俱乐部！

Chandler

Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not talking about Chuckles University?!

等一等，别挂电话！你不是在说咯咯笑的大学呀？！

Ross

(gets up) Okay!

（站起来）够了！

All

Ohh! We're kidding! Oh, we're kidding!

噢！我们是开玩笑的，开个玩笑嘛！

Rachel

Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?

罗斯，想知道什么能让你的课不那么无聊吗？

Ross

Thank you!

非常感谢！

Rachel

Some uh, some visual aides.

某种呃，某种实际（看得见的）帮助。

Joey

Oh-ooh-ooh! Y'know what's a good visual aide?

噢——噢——噢！你知道什么是又好又看得见的帮助吗？

Ross

Please don't say naked chicks.

请别说是脱光的女孩儿。

Joey

Why not?!

为什么不呢？

Ross

I-I-I don't even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Y'know what? I'm just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.

我——我——我真搞不懂干嘛要费事来跟你们这几个讲这些东西。知道吗？我就要以我自己的方式来干，用不着脱光的女孩儿。

Chandler

That's the way I did it 'til I was 19.

我19岁之前也一直是那么做的。

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Joey

Hey! Any good mail?

嘿！有什么好消息吗？

Chandler

Yes, you got something from the Screen Actor's Guild.

有，有封演员行会给你的信。

Joey

Ooh, it's probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, I'm kinda....

噢，说不定是张片酬支票。你能帮我拆开吗，我有点……

Chandler

(opens and reads it) "Benefits lapsed."

（打开读）“保险失效。”

Joey

Hmm that's weird. I don't remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.

嗯，真是太奇怪了。我不记得我演过一部叫“保险失效”的电影呀。

Chandler

Okay, it's not a check. They're saying your health insurance expired because, you didn't work enough last year.

好吧，这不是支票。信上说由于你去年工作的不够，你的医疗保险过期了。

Joey

Let me see that!

让我看看！

Chandler

All right.

好的。

Joey

(reads it) Oh, I can't believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, y'know? And it wouldn't matter. Now I gotta be careful?!

（读信）噢，真是难以置信！这太不爽了！知道吗？有保险时我可以被车撞或是被火烧而没有关系。而现在我得小心点了？！

Chandler

I'm sorry man, there's never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.

我很抱歉，日子将变得不爽当你（停顿）要避免被火烧的时候。

Joey

All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. I'm gonna go see my agent.

好吧，我想我得找个活儿干了，我要去见我的经理人。

Chandler

Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.

好的，过马路时记住先往左右看看。

Joey

(mocks him, in a whiney voice) ...look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)

（用哭腔模仿）……过马路时先往左右看看。（转身一头撞在关着的门上。）

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

Hey Pheebs, you're still alive! How are you doing?

嘿 菲比，你还活着！感觉怎么样？

Phoebe

Ugh, it's so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could---(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)

呃，等死真是累人呀。噢，顺便说一下，你能不能——（呻吟、咳嗽，然后睁着眼睛、伸出舌头僵住不动。）

Rachel

Pheebs, what-what are you doing?

菲比，你——你在干什么？

Phoebe

I was preparing you for my---didn't you think I was dead? Did that not come off?

我正准备让你成为我的——难道你不认为我死了吗？难道这没有发生吗？

Rachel

Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought we'd lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?

噢是的，可怕的地狱放弃了我，我想我们要永远失去你了。菲比，躺下来？

Phoebe

Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, y'know if you can.

好的，谢谢。听着，你能帮我个忙吗？你能不能嗯，两个小时后叫醒我，如果你能的话。

(Phoebe goes and lies down as Rachel opens the drawer Monica hid the candlesticks in and as Monica walks out of her room.)

（菲比去躺下，瑞秋打开莫妮卡藏烛台的抽屉，莫妮卡从她的房间走出来。）

Rachel

Monica!

莫妮卡！

Monica

Hmm? (Rachel holds up the candlesticks.)

嗯？（瑞秋举起烛台。）

Rachel

Did-did you take these back?

你——你把这些拿回去了？

Monica

No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.

不不，我只是——太喜欢它们了，所以我自己出去买了一对。

Rachel

Oh yeah, they're really great! Aren't they?

噢对，它们真是太漂亮了！不是吗？

Monica

I loved them!

我爱它们！

Rachel

Yeah. (Monica walks away) Nice try! (Rachel puts them in a box.)

对，干得不错！（莫妮卡走开。瑞秋把它们放进箱子。）

Ross

(entering) Hello!

（进来）你好！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

How'd the lecture go?

课讲得怎么样？

Ross

It went great! And I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks either!

太棒了！而且我也没讲什么笑话或是脱光的女孩儿！

Rachel

Wow, that's great Ross, I'm sorry we weren't more supportive before.

Wow，太棒了罗斯。我很遗憾我们之前不太支持你。

Ross

I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyone's all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, I'm gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.

我知道我该做的就是让它顺其自然。大家都认为“罗斯你该有趣些性感些”。好，我证明他们错了！现在，我要把这个消息告诉乔伊和钱德去了。

Monica

That you're not funny or sexy?

是你既不有趣也不性感的消息吗？

Ross

That's right!

非常正确！

Joey

(entering) Hey Estelle, listen...

（进来）嘿 艾丝苔拉，听我说……

Estelle

Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!

瞧瞧——瞧瞧——瞧瞧！乔伊·崔比昂尼！那么你回来了？别人都以为他们能够做得更好，但最后他们都回到艾丝苔拉的身边来了！

Joey

What are you talkin' about? I never left you! You've always been my agent!

你在说什么呀？我从没离开过你！你一直是我的经理人！

Estelle

Really?!

真的？！

Joey

Yeah!

对！

Estelle

Oh well, no harm, no foul.

噢 好吧，没恶意的。

Joey

Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance.

艾丝苔拉，你得给我找个活儿干，我——我失去了我的健康保险。

Estelle

All right, first thing we gotta do, damage control.

好吧。首先我们要做的事是，控制损失。

Joey

Why?

为什么？

Estelle

Well, I think uhh, someone out there may have been bad mouthing you all over town.

是啊，我想嗯，有些人在城里给你到处造谣呢。

Joey

Bastard!

混蛋！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

(in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and I'll have my health insurance back in no time.

（明显很痛苦）嘿！艾丝苔拉给我安排了一大堆试镜，我马上就又会有医疗保险了。

Chandler

That's great, but shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?

这太好了，但你是不是该马上去一下厕所？

Joey

What?!

什么？！

Chandler

What's wrong with you?

你哪里不舒服？

Joey

Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven't been able to stand up since. But um, I don't think it's anything serious.

没哪里！好吧，刚才我——我举重时肚子突然疼得不得了，然后我呃就晕过去了，呃之后就站不起来了。但是，我认为这没有什么大不了的。

Chandler

This sounds like a hernia. You have to---you-you go to the doctor!

看上去象是疝气，你得——你——你去看医生！

Joey

No way! 'Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)

没门儿！瞧着，要是我去医生那儿看些什么病……这东西就得从我的肚子里出来！（翻过身给钱德勒看。）

Chandler

That's a hernia.

那是疝气。

Joey

Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!

为什么我又得开始工作了呢？（看他用的哑铃。）该死的哑铃！

Rachel

Well, we're a little early, the lecture doesn't end for 15 minutes.

欧，我们来得早了点，15分钟内课还不会结束。

Monica

Yeah, but y'know we could sneak in and watch.

对，但你知道我们可以偷偷溜进去瞧瞧。

Rachel

Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! There's some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.

对，我们可以。嘿瞧啊！那有几个Kappa Kappa Delta的会员！我也是个会员呢。（对她们）嘿姐妹们！（她们不理她。）（对莫妮卡）哇喔，我们真是犯贱。

(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)

（她们走进讲堂，发现罗斯不知为何在用英国口音讲课。）

Ross

(to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when---(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.

（对全班）对！当Rigby从实验室取回他的样品时，他有了一个令人震惊的发现！那些他原以为是火成岩的东西，其实是沉积岩。想象一下他有多么的震惊吧——（看到莫妮卡和瑞秋。）噢该死！

Commercial Break

广告时间

Monica

What the hell are you doing?!

你到底在干些什么呀？！

Ross

Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.

瞧，我有点紧张！你们几个让我担心我的课会很无聊。我站在讲台上时学生们都盯着我看。我一张嘴就带上了英国腔。

Rachel

Yeah, and not a very good one.

对，而且还不那么正宗。

Ross

Will you-will you please?

请你——请你让一让好吗？

(Another professor walks down from the back of the lecture hall.)

（另一位教授从讲堂后面走下来。）

The Professor

Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman, I'm a professor in the paleontology department here.

盖勒教授，我叫科特·拉什曼。我是古生物系的教授。

Ross

Oh.

哦。

The Professor

Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?

能赏光聊聊你的课吗？

Ross

(in his British accent) I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister.

（用英国口音）抱歉，我和我的妹妹有事要办。

Monica

(in an Irish accent) Monica Gellerrr. (She rolls her 'R')

（用爱尔兰口音）莫妮卡·盖勒。（她卷舌）

Ross

(in accent) Right, will you excuse us for one moment? (Takes Monica aside.) (In his normal voice.) What are you doing?

（带口音）对，您不介意我们俩单独谈一会儿吧？（把莫妮卡拉到一边。）（恢复正常声音）你在干什么？

Monica

(normal voice) Oh, you can have an accent and I can't?! (To an exiting student in accent.) Top 'O the morning to ya laddies!

（正常声音）噢，就你能有口音而我不能？！！（对正要离开的学生，用口音）上午好，女士们！

Ross

Just please stop!

请别这样了！

(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)

（他们转回瑞秋和拉什曼教授。）

Rachel

(in an Indian accent) Yes, yes, Bombay is bery, bery nice time of year.

（用印度口音）对 对，孟买在一年里的这个时候很漂亮。

Chandler

Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!

嘿，能帮我带个煎饼来吗？（乔伊开始呻吟着要起身。）坐下！你要不要去医院了？！

Joey

Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides it's getting darker and more painful, that means it's healing.

伙计！疝气手术可能要花不少的钱。而且现在越来越让我疼得眼发花了，这意味着它正在好转。

Chandler

I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and let's just get that thing...pushed back in.

我会借给你钱的。只要你去趟医院，只是把那玩意儿推推回去。

Joey

Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I don't want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, I'm thinking I'll probably start with that laser eye surgery too.

谢谢，但这得让我还你一辈子的钱。我不想让这成天让我不安，好吗？而且，一旦我的保险恢复了，我就能免费做所有我想做的手术了。对呀，我想我可能会以那个激光眼科手术为开端。

(Phoebe enters.)

（菲比进来。）

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

What's going on?

出什么事了？

Chandler

Oh Joey's got a really bad hernia, but that's nothing a little laser eye surgery won't fix!

乔伊得了非常严重的疝气，但那不是一个小小的激光眼科手术能治好的！

Joey

Look, I'm telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married...With Children always used to do.) it doesn't hurt that bad.

瞧，我得告诉你，如果我把我的手放在我肚子的这个部位（他把手伸进裤子，就像《已婚……有孩子》里的阿尔·邦迪经常做的那样）它就不那么疼了。

Phoebe

Hey! Maybe you'll die!

嘿！你可能会死的！

Joey

Sure, now I'm scared.

当然，现在我开始害怕了。

Phoebe

No, we can go together! Just don't wait too long though, okay? 'Cause I'm outta here sometime before Friday.

不，我们可以一块儿去死的！就是别屏的太久，好吗？因为我会在礼拜五前的某个时候翘掉。

Joey

Yeah, but I don't wanna die!

对呀，但我不想死！

Phoebe

No-no, it'll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!

不 不，那会很好玩儿的！我们在这里还魂来吓唬他们！

Monica

Gimme 'em!

给我！

Rachel

No! They are mine!

不！那是我的！

Monica

You stole them from me!

是你从我这里偷去的！

Rachel

You stole them from me!!

是你偷的！！

Monica

Gimme them!

给我！！

(With one last mighty tug the combatants lose their grip and split, each holding one candlestick.)

（最后一次用力拉扯，争抢双方松开手，各拿一个烛台。）

Monica

You just wanna each take one?

你想每人拿一个吗？

Rachel

Yeah that seems fair. We never use them.

是啊 这看来挺公平的。我们从未用过它们。

Ross

(entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?

（进来）听着，我确实需要些帮助，好吗？为什么？为什么我要带着英国腔说话？！我都干了些什么呀？

Rachel

Well...

嗯……

Monica

Why don't you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think you're, y'know, that you're adjusting to life in America.

为什么你不能让它消失呢？对，让那口音慢慢淡化。于是人们就会认为你，你知道的，你正在适应在美国生活。

Rachel

Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean they're probably not even listening!

对呀，我是说，就这么干吧，没人会注意的。我是说有可能他们都不在听你讲课！

Ross

They're not listening too me?

他们不在听我讲课？

Rachel

Of course they're listening to you! Everybody listens to you.

他们当然在听你讲课！人人都在听呢。

Ross

Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?

莫妮卡，你是否真的认为我该试试这个淡化的玩意儿？

Monica

I think you look fine.

我认为你气色很好。

Casting Director #1: Whenever you're ready.

选角导演1：准备好了。

Joey

(in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, I've got a surprise for you."

（用沙哑、痛苦的声音）好吧。“嘿，添米，我有个惊喜给你。”

Casting Director #1: Hold it. I'm sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less...intense?

选角导演1：打住了。抱歉，这个惊喜是个新的秋千组合，你能否稍微带些热情来演呢？

Joey

Oh yeah, sure, no problem, I'll just---hold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, I've got a surprise for you!"

噢对，当然，没问题。我会的——稍等一会儿。（他转身，把手伸进裤子里，放松地呻吟。）（用放松的声音）“嘿 添米 我有个惊喜给你！”

Casting Director #1: Oh my God!!

选角导演1：噢上帝呀！

(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)

（乔伊把手拿出来，又回到剧烈的疼痛。）

Joey

So that's why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he won't be able to pick it up.)

这就是为什么我喂我的狗普雷纳一号！今天就买一包吧！（他转身，看着那包狗粮，意识到他拿不起来。）

Casting Director #2: That's where you pick up the bag.

选角导演2：你得从那儿拿起那包（狗食）。

Joey

Exactly.

的确。

Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.

选角导演2：对，底线是你得拿起来，所以你得拿起那包（狗食）。

Joey

Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didn't get it, did I?

或者说，我可以只是指指它，嗯？无聊无聊无聊，普雷纳一号，就指一包吧。（她只是看着他。）我没合格，是吧？

Casting Director #2: No.

选角导演2：是的。

Joey

Yeah, okay. (Leaves)

好吧。（离开）

Joey

Hi. I'm Joey Tribbiani; I'm here to audition for (Groans) man.

嗨，我是乔伊·崔比昂尼，我来试镜，演个（呻吟）男人。

Casting Director #3: You mean dying man?

选角导演3：你是说快死的男人吧？

Joey

Yes!

对呀！

Monica

Okay, come on, do it one more time!

好吧，来，再干一次！

Rachel

Really? Really?!

真的？真的？

Monica

Yes!

对！

Rachel

Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, we'd like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)

好吧！（拿起电话开始拨号。）（用爱尔兰口音）“你好罗斯，我是假口音大学的麦克娜丽教授，我们希望你来我们这里工作，全职的！”（挂断。）

Phoebe

(entering) Hey!

（进来）嘿！

Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Listen to this! My reading was wrong, I'm not going die!

听着！我的那个通灵预测错了，我不会死了！

Rachel

Really?! How do you know?

真的？！你怎么知道的？

Phoebe

Because my psychic is dead! She must've read the cards wrong!

因为我的通灵师死了！她一定是解错了牌！

Rachel

Oh, I'm sorry.

噢，我很抱歉。

Phoebe

Eh, better her than me! Hey, let's bake cookies!

呃，她死总比我死好。嘿，我们来烘曲奇饼吧！

Chandler

Listen, I'm really glad you got the part.

听着，我很高兴你得到这个角色。

Joey

(barely audible through the pain) Thank you.

（疼得几乎听不见）谢谢。

Chandler

But are you sure you can do this?

但你肯定你干得了吗？

Joey

Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.

当然！而且我还得谢谢你来陪我，并再次感谢你帮我洗澡。

(Chandler steps away quickly.)

（钱德勒迅速躲开。）

Chandler

Now, is that never talking about it again?!

够了，别再提这事了！

Joey

(to the director) Hiya!

（对导演）你好！

The Director

Hey Joey, we're ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex he's going to be playing your son.

嘿乔伊，就等你了！（乔伊绊了一下）乔伊，这是阿历克斯，他将扮演你的儿子。

Joey

Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)

你好阿历克斯！（对导演）对了，你可看见了，我的手可没在裤衩里哟。（举起双手。）

The Director

Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," that's your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, let's do this.

好吧。（对阿历克斯）好了，阿历克斯，当乔伊说他的那句台词“儿子你要好好照顾你妈妈”时，就到你哭的时候了。懂了吗？（阿历克斯点头。）好吧，我们干吧。

(Joey lies down on the gurney.)

（乔伊躺在轮床上。）

A Crew Member

(with that board thingy) Scene 5, take 1.

（拿着场记板）场景5，第一镜。

The Director

And Action!

开拍！

Joey

"Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Momma's good people!"

“儿子你要好好照顾你的妈妈。”（阿历克斯只是看着他，导演示意他继续，他又试了一次。）“儿子你要好好照顾你的妈妈。”（阿历克斯没反应。）“哭呀儿子！你妈可是个好人呀！”

The Director

Cut! Alex, remember you're supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?

停！阿历克斯，记住你是要哭的，这次你能哭给大家看吗？

Alex

Okay.

可以。

The Director

All right, from the top.

好，从头再来。

A Crew Member

Scene 5, take 2.

场景5，第2镜。

A Crew Member

Take 36 is up!

第36镜开始！

The Director

All right! Let's try this again! You ready Joe?

好吧！让我们再试试！准备好了吗乔伊？

Joey

Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?

嗯，还有件事。你是否介意如果我——如果我在你说开拍前一直大喊？

The Director

Uh sure.

嗯 没问题。

Joey

Okay. (Starts screaming.)

好吧。（开始大喊。）

The Director

Action!

开拍！

Joey

(he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)

（在“开拍”时停止大喊）“儿子你要好好照顾你的妈妈。”（阿历克斯还是没反应。）

The Director

Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)

停！！！！！！（乔伊又开始大喊。）

(Chandler decides to help out.)

（钱德勒决定帮忙。）

Chandler

I'm sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why don't you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!

我很抱歉！嘿——嘿乔伊，你为什么不——嗯，把你的衬衫撩起来？（他照做。）瞧瞧这位老兄。（阿历克斯终于开始哭。）这有个哭包了！让该死的摄影机转起来！

Rachel

(answering it) Hello?

（接电话）你好？

Russell

(Ross's divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?

（罗斯的离婚律师）你好，罗斯在吗？

Rachel

Uh no, he's not. Can I take a message?

不，他不在。我能给他带个信吗？

Russell

Yes, this Russell, Ross's divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try.

可以，我叫拉塞尔，是罗斯的离婚律师。告诉他由于最近没有他的消息，我猜他是否不准备离婚了。

Rachel

Ross got married again---Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!

罗斯又结婚了？不————————！！！！！！

Ross

(in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)

（在脑中）好吧，继续，我们要让口音慢慢淡化，让它消掉。所以在没有重新测验实验室的结果的前提下（用英国方式发音），这组（人员）是不会鉴别出（英国口音）他们最初所做的碳同位素年代分析中的错误（英国口音）。对此有什么疑问吗？（一个学生举手。）是的。（指向他。）

A Student

What's happening to your accent?

你的口音怎么了？

Ross

(British) Come again? What's-what's this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, I'm-I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. I'm sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm-I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression...

（英国口音）又来了？这——这都哪儿跟哪儿呀？（咯咯笑。）（美国口音）好吧，我——我不是英国人。我出生在长岛。我真的很紧张，这口音就这么——就这么冒出来了。对不起了。那么，我们能否回到正题上来呢。嗯，还有什么问题吗？（每个人都举手）关于古生物学的。（他们都把手放下。）好吧，瞧，我只是为了留下一个好的第一印象。很明显，我搞砸了。但你们大家对我的看法真的很重要，因为我——我想在这得到份长久的工作。所以如果你们再给我个机会来给你们留下个好印象的话……

(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, she's not in the best of moods having just found out Ross's dirty little secret.)

（这时瑞秋冲进门。不用说，她刚刚发现罗斯不可告人的小秘密，心情坏透了。）

Rachel

Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!

罗斯！！你疯了吗？！我还是你的老婆！！怎么了，你准备永远不告诉我吗？！！你到底犯的哪门子傻？！！！！噢，我真想宰了你！！！！

Ross

(in the accent again) Well, hello Rachel!

（又用回口音）你好，瑞秋！

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Phoebe

Have you really done this before?

你以前真这么干过吗？

Joey

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, don't hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)

对 对 对！只要把胳膊挥得大——大一点，现在就，别犹豫。（他戴上防护头盔（为什么，我不知道），菲比拿起一个木制棒球棍开始挥动，钱德勒和莫妮卡进来。）

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Hey-hey-hey!

嘿——嘿——嘿！

Chandler

What are you doing?

你们在干什么？

Phoebe

We're just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.

我们在庆祝乔伊的医疗保险失而复得。

Chandler

Oh, all right.

噢 好的。

(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)

（认定自己也算不上人，钱德勒拿起一根高尔夫球杆，莫妮卡拿起一个煎锅，加入把好友打得半死的乐趣中！）

End

结束