The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey

Ross

Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!

姓钱的！我全都看见了！你竟敢对我妹妹下手！给我滚出来！

Chandler

(To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)

（对莫妮卡）哇，听着，我们很恩爱。长达4个——哦，5个月之久！好多人一辈子也没有这么多欢乐时光！再见了，你保重！（他吻了她，开始爬阳台窗户。）

Monica

What are you doing?!

你干嘛？

Chandler

Oh, I'm going on the lamb.

我要跑路了。

Monica

Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?

怕什么，钱德，说服罗斯还不是小菜一碟。（他们走到门口。罗斯正试图把手伸进去解开门链；莫妮卡把他的手推回去。）（对罗斯）你等一下！什么事，哥哥？

(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)

（罗斯发现钱德勒，开始绕着厨房桌子追他。钱德勒跑过去躲在莫妮卡身后。）

Ross

What the hell are doing?!!

你们在搞什么飞机？！

Rachel

(running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!

（从男生公寓跑过来，乔伊跟在后面）嘿，出什么事了？

Chandler

Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.

我想，罗斯发现了我和莫妮的奸情。

Joey

(panicking) Dude! He's right there!

（惊慌）伙计，你怎么当着他的面这么说！

Ross

(To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!

（对钱德勒）我一直当你是我最好的朋友！她可是我妹妹！我最好的朋友和我妹妹！我真不能相信！

Chandler

Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her.

我们并不是鬼混而已！我爱她。对，我们在恋爱。

Monica

I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but it's true, I love him too.

很抱歉，让你这样发现。对不起，但这是真的，我也爱他。

(There's a brief pause.)

（短暂的停顿。）

Ross

(happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.) (To Joey and Rachel) You guys probably wanna get some hugs in too, huh? Big news!

（高兴地）最好的朋友和我妹妹好上了！我真不能相信！（他拥抱他们俩。）（对乔伊和瑞秋）你们不拥抱一下吗？这可是个好消息！

Rachel

Awww, no, it's okay, we've actually known for a while.

不抱了，其实我们知道好一阵子了。

(There's another pause as Ross gets angry again.)

（又是一阵停顿，罗斯又生气了。）

Ross

What? What? What?! You guys knew? (Joey and Rachel backup against the door.) You all knew and you didn't tell me?!!

什么？你们都知道？你们都知道，就只瞒着我？

Rachel

Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react.

我们担心你的反应嘛。

(Pause.)

（停顿。）

Ross

(happily again) You were worried about me? You didn't know how I was going to react? (He hugs them both.)

（又高兴起来）你们都担心我？不知道我会有什么反应？（他拥抱他们俩。）

Joey

Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.) Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.

好了好了，喘口气！我们都回避一下，让这对小鸳鸯办完事如何？（罗斯转身瞪着他。）嘿，我说说而已，泡你妹妹的可是他！

Opening Credits

片头

Ross

Hey, you know what I just realized? If you guys ever have kids...

嘿，我刚刚想起来，将来你们生了小孩……

Chandler

(interrupting) Whoa-whoa-whoa! We're having kids?!

（打断）哇哇哇，什么？我们生孩子？

Joey

(quickly) I call Godfather!

（飞快地）我要当他的教父！

Ross

You can't just call Godfather. Don't you think her brother should be Godfather?

你说当就当啊。我是近水楼台，当然我当。

Joey

Sure, if you cared enough to call it first.

真想当你就得报名。

Monica

Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us.

诸位，你们扯远了。

Chandler

Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps.

是啊，这一步迈太大了，就像登月的第一步。

Rachel

Oh! Oh, I just thought of the greatest wedding gift to get you.

我想好送你们什么结婚礼物了。

Phoebe

Ooh, I'll go in on that with you! I couldn't think of anything.

我跟你一起送，我还没想到送什么礼物。

Rachel

Okay.

好。

(A girl enters.)

（一个女孩走进来。）

Joey

(to her) Oh, hey Katie! Everyone, this is Katie.

（对她）嘿，凯蒂。各位，她叫凯蒂。

Katie

Hi!

嗨！

All

Hi!

嗨！

Joey

So, are you ready to go?

准备好出发了吗？

Katie

Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom.

嗯，我得先去趟洗手间。

Joey

Oh sure, right back there. (Points.)

在那边。

Katie

Hey, where are we going to lunch?

午餐上哪儿吃呢？

Joey

I was thinking Chinese food.

中国菜怎么样？

Katie

Ohh, I love Chinese! How did you know I love Chinese?! (She hits him repeatedly as she says that.)

我喜欢中餐！你怎么知道我喜欢中餐的？（她边说边不停地捶打他。）

(She heads to the bathroom and Joey sits back down.)

（她去洗手间，乔伊坐回来。）

Rachel

She is so cute! You could fit her right in your little pocket!

她很可爱！你可以把她装在口袋里到处走！

Joey

I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but...

是吗，我是喜欢她，她很乖，但……

Monica

But what?

什么？

Joey

(shyly) She keeps punching me.

（害羞地）她一直捶我。

(They all laugh.)

（众人都笑了。）

Monica

In that cute, little, sweet way she just did?

又不是真打你，她只是撒娇罢了。

Joey

Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks! Okay? (Quietly) She-she-she's hurting me.

捶在身上很痛的！（小声）我要受内伤了。

Monica

I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool?

我明白你需要什么了，你需要请个保镖。让班在幼儿园放学后……

Chandler

Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up.

别闹了，乔伊有困难，人家被小妹妹欺负呢。

Rachel

Aww, Joey, come here. (She takes his hand.) Look honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you and I--Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?

乔伊乖，过来。（她拉着他的手。）亲爱的，我知道你很难办——哦，对不起，我弄疼你了吗？

Ross

(opens it to reveal Phoebe) Hey!

（开门，是菲比）嘿！

Phoebe

Hey! I brought you some house warming gifts.

嘿！我带了礼物，恭贺乔迁之喜。

Ross

Aww.

啊。

Phoebe

Yeah. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom, because well, y'know.

盐，为你的生活添滋味。面包，让你远离饥饿。还有盥洗室适用的香味蜡烛，你知道它派什么用场对吧。

Ross

Thanks. Thanks. And thanks again.

谢谢，非常感谢。

Phoebe

Yeah!

嗯！

(The door across the hall opens and a guy walks into Ross's apartment.)

（对面门开了，一个男人走进罗斯的公寓。）

Guy

Hi!

嗨！

Ross

Hi!

嗨！

Guy

Welcome to the building. I'm uh, Steve Sarah; I'm president of the tenants committee.

欢迎入住，我是居委会主任Steve Sarah。

Ross

Oh hi! Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe.

罗斯·盖勒，这是我朋友，菲比。

Steve

Oh hi Phoebe.

Steve：菲比你好。

Phoebe

Mr. President.

主任好。

Steve

I came to talk to you about Howard.

Steve：我来跟你讲讲Howard的事。

Ross

Howard?

Howard？

Steve

Yeah, he's the handy man. He's gonna be retiring next week and everyone who lives here is kicking in a 100 bucks as a thank you for all the hard work type of thing.

Steve：他是这里的勤杂工，下星期退休。这里的住户为了感谢他的辛勤劳动，每人出100块钱。

Ross

Oh that's nice.

好主意。

Steve

Yeah. So, do you want to give a check? Or...

Steve：你是签支票，还是？

Ross

Oh. Uhh...

哦，呃……

Steve

Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)

Steve：你不用马上掏钱，呆会塞到我门缝底下就可以了。

Ross

No-no, it's not that, it's just... I-I just moved in.

不是时间的问题，我才刚搬进来。

Steve

Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years.

Steve：他在这里服务25年了。

Ross

Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes.

对，但我才来住了25分钟而已。

Steve

Oh, okay, I get it. (Starts to leave.)

Steve：好，我明白了。（准备离开。）

Ross

No wait, look. Look! I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard. I-I mean I don't know Howard.

别走！我很抱歉，但我连和Howard都没打过照面，我压根不认识他。

Steve

Howard's the handy man!

Steve：Howard是勤杂工！

Ross

Yes but too me he's just, man.

是，但他对我而言，只是个陌生人罢了。

Steve

Okay, fine, whatever. Welcome to the building. (Exits.)

Steve：好，算了，总之欢迎入住本大厦。（离开。）

Ross

(To Phoebe) Ugh, can you believe that guy!

（对菲比）这人可真是异想天开！

Phoebe

Yeah. I really like his glasses.

是啊，我喜欢他的眼镜。

Ross

...so then President Steve told everyone that I was a cheapskate, and now the whole building hates me! A little kid spit on my knee! Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna throw a party. That's right. For everyone in the building, and I'm gonna sit them down and explain to them, I am not a bad guy. I am not a cheap guy! I'm just a guy who-who stands up for what he believes in. A man with principles.

……之后Steve主任就到处讲我吝啬，现在整幢大厦都讨厌我！还有小孩朝我膝盖上吐口水！猜我怎么办？我会办个盛大的派对，邀请大厦里所有人参加。我要和他们坐下来好好谈谈，让他们知道我不是坏蛋，我不抠门，我只是坚持信念而已。我是个有原则的人。

Chandler

(To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.

（对瑞秋）听来是个好玩的派对。

Rachel

Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that.

嗯，罗斯，要讨邻居们的欢心，开派对花费多得多。

Ross

It doesn't matter! It's my principles! We're talking about my principles!

不是钱的问题！我要坚持原则！处事原则不能变！

Rachel

Okay, I thought it was about your neighbors liking you.

我还以为你只是想讨好邻居。

Ross

Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY! Okay, I gotta run. I gotta go get some nametags. (Exits.)

他们会喜欢我的，只要他们来参加我办的派对。我得走了，去搞个名牌来带。（离开。）

Rachel

And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.

那个派对疯子将是你的舅子。

Chandler

Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I don't want you putting any ideas in her head.

有趣。不过请别在莫妮面前提这碴，我可不想你们给她灌输什么想法。

Rachel

Umm, Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head.

钱德，你说莫妮会不会早有什么想法了？

Chandler

Wh-wh-why?!

怎么讲？

Rachel

Well, because she loves you and because you love her.

哎，因为她爱你，因为你也爱她。

Chandler

Yeah, so, what's that supposed to mean?!

相爱又如何？

Rachel

Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.

钱德你别怕，我要说的其实你也都清楚。她离开理查德，只是因为他不想要孩子。她是个女人，年近30。而且你了解莫妮的。

Chandler

I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! I'm right. I'm right. Am I right?

我没这么想过。我看到两个莫妮，一个是住在对面的我的朋友，热衷生小孩；一个则是全新的莫妮，我的约会对象。她要什么、难道我会不了解？我对她的看法是对的。我是对的，对吧？

Rachel

No, you're right, you are absolutely right. I mean that makes, that makes everything different.

你是对的。你当然对了，那还用问。

Chandler

Okay. It's not different at all, is it?

她和以前完全不同了。

Rachel

Not unless different means the same.

其实没什么“不同”，对吧，除非“不同”等于“相同”。

Katie

You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! (She slaps her thighs, Joey jerks, and spills some of his coffee.)

你跟那侍应生一起，好有趣。你这个小笨蛋！（她拍打大腿，乔伊一哆嗦，洒了些咖啡。）

Joey

(sets the coffee down) Y'know, breadstick fangs are always funny.

（放下咖啡）哪儿的侍应生都很有趣。

Katie

No, you make them funny. You're the funny one! (She punches him again and he retreats to the arm of the couch.)

不，因为你、他才那么好玩。有趣的是你！（她又捶了他一拳，他躲到沙发扶手上。）

Joey

Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very real bat.

凯蒂，我们得谈谈。我喜欢你。我真的，很喜欢你。但有时候你开玩笑，捶我一拳，我就有被什么小而结实的球棒击中的感觉。

Katie

Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the couch.)

我打伤你了吗？你还不是取笑我不够大？以后不许再拿我开玩笑！（她又捶了他一拳，差点把他从沙发扶手上捶下去。）

Monica

Isn't this great?

棒吧？

Chandler

Hmm.

嗯。

Monica

Couldn't you just stay like this forever? (His eyes snap open.) Chandler! Couldn't you just stay here forever?

你会永远这么可爱吗？永远陪在我身边，好吗？（他猛地睁开眼睛。）钱德！

Chandler

Yeah, here, somewhere else, y'know where-where ever. (Gets up.)

好啊，陪你天涯海角。（起身。）

Monica

Are you okay?

你没事吧？

Chandler

Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.

我很好，很放松。

Monica

What-what are you doing?

你什么意思？

Chandler

I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.

我谈恋爱而已啊，和我喜欢的女孩找乐子。

Monica

Man, I knew it! I knew you were going to do this!!

我就知道你会这样！

Chandler

What?!

哪样？

Monica

Get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking around about marriage and stuff.

大家一拿婚姻开玩笑，你就惊慌了！

Chandler

Well, you do want all that stuff, right?

哎，你的确有那些想法对吧？

Monica

Oh and you know what I want!

哼，你会知道我想什么？

Chandler

Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!

对！你想生宝宝，你有小孩狂热症！

Monica

I do not have baby fever!

胡说！

Chandler

Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?!

你渴望结婚生子，与此相关的一切事，你都很狂热。厨师小姐，我们冷静一下好不好？

Monica

Have you lost your mind? Chandler, this isn't about me! This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap!

不冷静的是你。问题不在我。是你害怕承诺。

Chandler

Nah-uh! I know you! Okay? I know the thoughts that you have in the head--in your head!

算了，我了解你，我知道你都想些什么！

Monica

You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)

你什么也不知道。今晚我要跟瑞秋出去，而不是跟你，这你不知道吧？要说小孩，这里唯一的小孩就是你。我现在连看都不愿看你一眼，你又知道吗？（她冲了出去。）

Chandler

Well, I did not know that.

我不知道。

Commercial Break

广告时间

Chandler

It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is, this is fixable.

我们会没事的，对吧？她不会因此离开我，这矛盾是可调和的。

Ross and Joey

Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Absolutely.

是啊，当然咯。

Chandler

By me?

我应该认错？

Ross

Oh, no!

不！

Joey

No-no.

不。

Ross

Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture.

你得非常真诚的道歉才有用。

Joey

Yeah, big!

对，要非常真诚。

(Monica enters.)

（莫妮卡进来。）

Joey

Uh-oh, shht! The Misses.

她来了！

Monica

Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?

阿甘，一杯咖啡，带走。

Chandler

Monica. (Goes to talk to her.)

莫妮卡。（过去跟她说话。）

Monica

I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.

我还是不想跟你说话。

Chandler

Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.

我该怎样做，我们才能和好？

Monica

What?!

什么？

Chandler

Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.

我们不是一直这样吗？我犯错以后你就告诉我怎么改，我改好了你就又喜欢我了。

Monica

Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)

是吗，可我不想教你怎么谈恋爱了。你自己想清楚吧。假如你害怕真正的交往，就别再烦我。（她走出去。）

(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)

（钱德勒转身目送她离开，然后看到罗斯和乔伊两人都咧着嘴。）

Party Guests

(chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!

（齐声喊）Howard！Howard！Howard！Howard！（罗斯去查看噪音）Howard！Howard！Howard！（他们把Howard举过头顶。）Howard！Howard！Howard！Howard！Howard！（他看到菲比也跟着一起喊。）Howard！Howard！Howard！Howard！Howard！Howard！Howard！耶！！

Ross

Phoebe! (He grabs her arm to get her attention.)

菲比！（他抓住她的胳膊引起她注意。）

Phoebe

Oh, hi Ross!

哦，嗨，罗斯！

Ross

What are you doing?

你在这里做什么？

Phoebe

Oh, I thought this was your party and it turns out it's a party for Howard. He's just the sweetest little man! (A guest walks up to her.)

我来参加你的派对，没想到这是Howard的派对。他十分可爱！（一个客人走向她。）

Guest #1: See ya Phoebe! Oh and hey, thanks for chipping in!

客人1：再见了，菲比！谢谢你慷慨解囊！

Ross

You chipped in?!

你捐钱了？

Phoebe

Yeah, uh-huh, a 100 dollars.

嗯，捐了100块。

Ross

Phoebe! I can't believe you gave them money! I thought you agreed it was totally unreasonable that they asked me for that money!

真不能相信，你居然给他们钱！我本以为你也反对。

Phoebe

Yeah, but they didn't ask me! Y'know? This way I'm just y'know, the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.

他们找我收钱呢。但他们没找我收钱。我只是摆阔的陌生人而已，很有趣。

Ross

Yeah, but you're making me look bad!

但你的做法让我更没面子了！

Phoebe

No I'm not. No! If anything I'm making you look better! They'll see you talking to me and that's--I'm a hit!

不，我没有！我的用意是给你脸上争光。他们看到你跟我说话，你就——哇，我是大红人。

Steve

(walking up) Oh hey, Pheebs!

Steve：（走过来）嘿，菲比！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Steve

Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about. (Walks away.)

Steve：嘿，罗斯。也许你们俩可以换房子住，菲比才是我们的同类。考虑考虑吧。（走开。）

(Ross turns and glares at Phoebe.)

（罗斯转身瞪着菲比。）

Phoebe

Yeah, okay, my bad.

我错了。

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Rachel

Hi! Wow! You look, you look...big.

你……强壮多了。

Joey

Thanks! I've been working out. Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters?

谢谢，我一直在健身。看得出来吗，我穿了六件衣服？

Rachel

Uhhh, yeah. But it's not obvious why.

看不出，为什么穿那么多？

Joey

Well look, I'm breaking up with Katie so I had to put on some extra padding. Y'know? I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's gonna hit me when I tell her I'm taking away the Joey love?

我打算跟凯蒂分手，所以穿上特别的护甲。想想看，她高兴时打我都那么痛，当我表示要跟她分手，她还不使蛮劲？

Katie

(entering) Hi!

（进来）嘿！

Joey

Hey! Hiya!

嘿，你好！

Rachel

Hey! Hey, cute jacket!

嘿，很可爱的外套！

Katie

Oh, thanks! That's so sweet! (She punches Rachel like she punched Joey.)

谢谢，你嘴真甜！（她像捶乔伊那样捶了瑞秋一拳。）

Rachel

Oh! Ow! (Joey motions, "You see what I mean?!")

“你看到吧？”）

Katie

Oh, ow! Did Joey tell you to say that? You guys, (Punches Joey) are too much! (Punches Rachel.)

乔伊把他的口头禅教你了？你们真过分！（捶乔伊。）（捶瑞秋。）

Rachel

Whoa! (Laughs) Y'know what Katie? I gotta tell ya I-I-I-I think you are the one who is too much. (She punches Katie back.)

哇！（笑）凯蒂，过分的是你！（她还了凯蒂一拳。）

Katie

Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! (She punches Rachel.)

乔伊的朋友可真够意思！（她捶瑞秋。）

Rachel

Ohh, and the nicest girlfriend! (She retaliates.)

乔伊的女朋友也很够意思！（她还击。）

Katie

You're so sweet! (Punches Rachel yet again.)

你嘴甜！（她又捶了瑞秋一下。）

Rachel

Ohh, you're so sweet! (She kicks Katie in the shin.)

你才甜呢！（她踢了凯蒂的小腿。）

Katie

Oww!!!! Joey, she just kicked me.

噢！！乔伊，她踢我！

Joey

Huh.

嗯。

Katie

Well? Aren't you gonna do something?

你不帮我？

Joey

Uhh....

呃……

Katie

You'd better do something, or I'm gonna walk out that door right now! Well? Are you gonna?

你再不出手，我马上走人！帮还是不帮？

Joey

Nah.

不。

(She looks at Rachel and storms out. After she's left Joey hugs Rachel in thanks.)

（她看看瑞秋，冲了出去。她走后，乔伊感激地拥抱瑞秋。）

Ross

(trying to get her attention) Phoebe?

（试图引起她注意）菲比？

Phoebe

(ignoring him and continuing her conversation) That's what I'm saying. (Laughs.)

（不理他，继续聊天）我就是这个意思。（笑。）

Ross

(tapping her on the shoulder) Phoebe? Phoebe?

（拍她的肩膀）菲比？菲比？

Phoebe

Ooh. (Turns to him.)

哦。（转向他。）

Ross

Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go?

糟糕透了，我要走了！

Phoebe

No! No! I'm talking you up to people. Just give it a little time, all right? Relax, get something to eat! Okay?

别！我正跟大家讲你的好话呢。给我点时间，放松点，去吃点东西！

(They go to the food table.)

（他们走到食品桌旁。）

Ross

So uh, what did you tell them about me?

你跟他们说我什么事？

Phoebe

Oh, I was telling them about you and Emily. Y'know, try to get some sympathy.

说了你和爱米丽的事，赚取同情分。

Ross

Ohh. (He cuts himself a piece of cake.)

哦。（他切了一块蛋糕。）

Phoebe

But somehow you came off as the bad guy.

结果他们觉得你是坏人。

Ross

What?!

什么？

Phoebe

Yeah, I think I told it wrong. Y'know, we should talk about that because I don't totally understand what happened there.

我好象没讲对。我们理一下事情的来龙去脉，因为我并不是很清楚你们的纠葛。

Ross

(trying a piece of cake) Ohh, this cake is really good!

（尝了一口蛋糕）这蛋糕真好吃！

Phoebe

Oh, okay, see? Things are looking up already!

你会慢慢愉快起来的！

Guest #2: (sees the cake) Oh my God! Someone cut Howard's cake! (Ross tries dumping it into a nearby plant.) Who would do a think like that?

客人2：（看到蛋糕）天啊！有人偷吃Howard的蛋糕！谁这么不要脸？

(Steve goes over to look at Ross who's trying to look cool, but has some frosting on his lip.)

（Steve走过去看罗斯，罗斯试图装酷，但嘴唇上沾着奶油。）

Steve

3-B!

Steve：3楼B座的家伙！

All

Oh yeah, aww!

你吃白食，你扫大家的兴！

Steve

Okay, you got your free food! You ruined everyone's fun! Don't you think it's time you went home?!

Steve：你还不赶快滚回家去！

Guest #3: Yeah, leave!

客人3：滚回3楼B座去！

All

Yeah, get out! Now!

滚出去！马上！

Steve

Go back to 3-B, 3-B!

Steve：滚回3楼B座去！

Phoebe

All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.

各位，冷静！我有话要说！谁喜欢罗斯？当然你们都不喜欢他。他不捐钱，在我刚才发问时，只有他自己举手，而且他还带两个名牌！（他摘下一个。）老实说，我第一次见到罗斯时，我也一点都不喜欢他！直到我了解他后，我才发现他其实很可爱，体贴而且慷慨。试着去了解罗斯，不要妄下定论。这正像我对在座诸位的看法。现在我喜欢你们。但初次见面时，Kurt, 我当你是个醉鬼；Lola呢，迟钝麻木；至于你们（转向一对老年绅士和二十多岁的女士），（对女孩）你像用美人计骗钱的女人，（对老头）你则是老牛吃嫩草。现在你们明白我的意思了吧。

Phoebe

Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.

真没想到他们会扔烂番茄。我本打算把他们挨个羞辱一番，然后你跳出来为他们说好话，充好汉。

Ross

Oh wow, yeah! See, I did not get that.

好办法！可惜我没想到。

Chandler

Where's Monica?! Where is she? I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is she here?

莫妮呢？我要跟她谈谈，很急！她在这儿吗？

Monica

(raising her hand) I'm Monica.

（举手）我是莫妮。

Chandler

I need to talk to you, it's urgent!

我要跟你谈谈，急事！

Monica

Okay.

好。

Chandler

Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. (He slowly and awkwardly gets down on one knee.)

我一直在考虑我们的事，我想了很多。我想补救的唯一方法是……（他缓慢又尴尬地单膝跪下。）

Monica

Wait what-wh-wh-what are you doing?!

你干嘛？

Chandler

(getting out a ring box) Monica...

（拿出戒指盒）莫妮卡……

Monica

No-no, don't-don't-don't do it!

别那样！

Chandler

Will you marry me?

你愿意嫁给我吗？

(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)

（菲比羞得捂住眼睛。瑞秋目瞪口呆地看着他们。乔伊和罗斯惊得一时说不出话。）

Ross

Oh-no. No. No.

馊主意。

Joey

What a bad idea!

看不下去了。

Rachel

Ohhhh, I cannot look at it! (She doesn't move.)

哦，我简直不敢看！（她没动。）

Monica

Chandler, why are you doing this?

钱德，你干吗求婚？

Chandler

I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this.

我不知道，但我现在知道了，求婚不可怕。

Monica

Chandler.

钱德。

Chandler

I'm doing this because I'm sorry?

我求婚是因为我很抱歉。

Monica

Do you umm, you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?

你认为结婚的最佳理由是“抱歉”？

Chandler

No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. (Laughs.) Will you be my wife?

最好的理由应该是“怀孕”。“抱歉”排第四位，第2位是“准备好了”；第3位是“真心想结婚”。（笑。）做我妻子，好吗？

Monica

(kneels with him) Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.

（和他一起跪下）钱德，你用脑子想想，这有多荒谬。

Chandler

Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now.

真希望大家什么都没看见。

Monica

Honey! Do you know that none of that stuff came from me?! I mean I never said I wanted to have babies and get married right now!

这次吵架完全不是因我而起！我从没说过我要结婚生子！

Chandler

Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)

是啊，但我不能确定，所以找他们请教。

Monica

Who? Two divorces and Joey?!

找谁请教？离婚两次的家伙？还有乔伊？

Ross

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

She's right y'know.

她说得对。

Ross

Yeah, but still, cheap shot!

就算对，也太刻薄了。

Monica

Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that.

还记得我说过让你自己想清楚吗？我看你还没这个能力。

Chandler

I didn't think I was!

的确是的。

(They hug.)

（他们拥抱。）

Monica

Oh my God, what would have done if I said yes?

天啊，刚才我若答应你求婚，你会怎样做？

Chandler

Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)

也许，我会非常开心，因为能和我心爱的女人共度余生。也许，你现在会看到大门上，有我落跑时撞出的大洞。（指着门。）

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Joey

Hey Ross, will you pass me that knife?

把刀递给我好吗？

Ross

No, I will not!

不好！

Joey

Oh, it's okay. You don't have to be so mean about it.

不递算了，凶什么。

Ross

You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me?

是啊，很抱歉，你愿意嫁给我吗？

(They all laugh.)

（众人都笑了。）

Phoebe

Aw, and I was gonna ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week.

我想跟你求婚，因为上星期我还没跟你问好。

Rachel

Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler?

那么点小事，要求同居就够了。对吧，钱德？

Chandler

Okay, how long is this going to go on.

你们还要闹多久。

Monica

Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were so, a long time.

他们笑你多久，和你做的事有多蠢成正比，他们会笑很久的。

Ross

This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? (Laughs--whines as he sees that no one is laughing. They're just staring at him in shock.)

有趣！嘿，瑞秋，记得我总说“我们分手了！”吗？抱歉，你愿意嫁给我吗？（笑——看到没人笑，变成哀嚎。他们震惊地盯着他。）

Chandler

That's not funny.

不好笑。

Joey

That's not funny at all!

一点也不好笑。

(They all get up and leave.)

（大家都起身离开。）

End

结束