The One With Joey's Bag

Monica

I can't believe we've never done this before! It's sooo good! So good for Monica!

难以置信，你以前居然从来没有给我按摩过！太爽了，莫妮卡爽死了！

(Chandler picks up the timer being used and turns it to zero at which it chimes.)

（钱德勒拿起计时器，把它归零，计时器响了起来。）

Chandler

Oh! Look at that, time's up! My turn!

哦！看表，时间到！轮到你给我按！

Monica

That was a half an hour?

这么快就半小时了？

Chandler

It's your timer.

这可是你的闹钟。

(They change places.)

（他们交换位置。）

Monica

Y'know, I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages!

你知道我这人不爱吹牛，但我的按摩技术天下无敌！

Chandler

All right, then massage me up right nice!

好吧，那你让我享受享受！

(She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping in pain.)

（她开始按摩，只是手劲极重，钱德勒疼得倒吸凉气。）

Chandler

Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!!

啊！啊啊！！啊啊！！

Monica

It's so good, isn't it?

很棒吧，对不对？

Chandler

It's so good I don't know what I've done to deserve it!

太“棒”了，我何德何能该享受这种待遇呢？

Monica

Say good-bye to sore muscles!

向肌肉酸痛说再见吧！

Chandler

Good-bye muscles!!

再见了肌肉！！

Opening Credits

片头

Chandler

I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I just---I didn't know what it was!

告诉你说，她是史上最滥的按摩师了！！她简直就像在逼供！我好想招供——可我就是不知道她想问什么情报！

Joey

Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.

钱德，如果真那么痛你跟她直说好了。

Chandler

Look, for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship. Okay, I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know, telling the truth.

我这辈子头一次真正投入一段感情。我可不想一拍两散，就因为说了老实话。

Ross

(walking up with Rachel and carrying coffee) Hey.

（和瑞秋一起走过来，端着咖啡）嘿。

Joey

Whoa, dude, look out! You almost crushed my hat! (He picks a hat up from the floor. It's one of those magician stovepipe hats.)

哇，花花公子，你小心点！差点把我的帽子踩扁啦！（他从地板上捡起一顶帽子，是魔术师那种高顶礼帽。）

Ross

Sorry.

对不起。

Chandler

(examining the hat) And the bunny got away. (Turns and starts looking for the bunny as Joey puts the hat on.)

（检查帽子）兔子呢，变没了吗？（乔伊戴上帽子，他转身开始找兔子。）

Ross

(glaring at Joey) This would be the place where you explain the hat.

（瞪着乔伊）你是不是该解释一下为什么戴这顶帽子呢。

Joey

Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.

哦！好的。我不是有一出新戏要试镜吗？我要争取的角色是个国际性的酷男，整个一个衣架子。所以我想当天来试镜的人大约都会穿上这种潮流尖端的服饰。

Chandler

And you're gonna make them all disappear.

你是不是想把他们全都变没了。

Joey

Yeah, like you could find something as sophisticated as this.

哼，难道你还能找出这么高级的帽子吗？

(Chandler picks up a basket from the table and puts it on his head.)

（钱德勒从桌上拿起一个篮子扣在头上。）

Chandler

Done.

有了。

Rachel

Joey, if you wanna look good, why don't you just come down to the store? I'll help you out.

乔伊，如果你真想玩帅，你到我们店里来我帮你打扮啊。

Joey

Great! Thanks, Rach!

好极了！谢谢瑞秋！

Rachel

Sure! (Pause) God, please take those off!

举手之劳！（停顿）天啊，把这些帽子摘下来！

Joey

All right.

好罢。

(Both of them remove their hats as Phoebe enters.)

（两人都摘下帽子，菲比走了进来。）

Ross

Hey Pheebs, how's it going?

嘿，菲比，今儿个怎么样？

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Phoebe

Hey! Umm, well, only okay because I just got back from, from the hospital.

嘿！嗯，一般。因为我刚从医院回来。

(All at once.)

（众人同时。）

Rachel

What?

什么？

Ross

Is everything okay?

没事吧？

Joey

Are you all right?

你病了吗？

Phoebe

Oh yeah, no-no-no. I'm fine, I'm okay, but umm, my Grandma sorta died.

是啊，不，不，我很好。我没病，但，嗯，我祖母过世了。

Joey

Pheebs! Sorry!

菲比！这真让人难过。

Phoebe

It's okay, I mean she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again, y'know she's gonna visit.

这没什么，我是说她这辈子挺丰富多彩的。而且这也算不上永别，她还会来找我嘛。

Rachel

Well maybe, maybe she's with us right now?

是啊，没准，没准她现在就和我们在一块呢？

Phoebe

Yeah, her first day on a new spiritual plane and she's gonna come to the coffeehouse!

对，她升天头一天没准会上咖啡馆逛逛！

Monica

(entering, in a hurry) Guys! Guys! I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside.

（匆忙进来）诸位！诸位！我刚看见就在门外的一辆车上有两人正乱搞呢。

Ross

Uhh, Pheebs' Grandmother just died.

呃，菲比的祖母刚刚过世了。

Monica

Ohh my God, I'm so sorry.

哦天哪，我很抱歉。

Phoebe

It's okay. Actually y'know what, it's kinda cool. 'Cause it's like y'know, one life ends and another begins.

没事。事实上，你知道，这还挺酷的。因为，你知道的啊，一个生命终结了，而另一个生命才刚刚开始。

Monica

(to the guys) Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?

（对大家）怪不得门外那两人在忙乎。她怎么了，怎么去世的？

Phoebe

Well umm, okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.

是这样，嗯，我们在市场的时候，她弯腰拿一块酸奶酪，结果就再也没能站起来了。

Joey

Pheebs, I'm so sorry.

菲比，我真替你难过。

Phoebe

It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.

“好了亲爱的，你去取鸡蛋，我去拿酸奶酪，我们在收银台回合。”你猜怎么着？我们果真在收银台回合了。

Rachel

Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?

好了乔伊，你记住因为你试镜完了以后要把这身行头全退给我，所以你必须穿内裤。

Joey

All right, then you'd better show me some of that too then.

好吧，那你也给我拿一些内裤选选好吧。

Rachel

Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. (Goes and grabs a bag, that looks like a purse, and shows it to Joey.)

好，怎么总觉得差了点什么。哦，有了！嗯，没错。（走过去拿了一个看起来像女式手提包的包，给乔伊看。）

Joey

Really? A purse?

你不说笑？坤包？

Rachel

It's not a purse! It's a shoulder bag.

这可不是坤包。这是挎包。

Joey

It looks like a women's purse.

这是女人背的嘛。

Rachel

No Joey, look. Trust me, all the men are wearing them in the spring catalog. Look. (Shows him.) See look, men, carrying the bag.

错了乔伊，你看。信我，春季产品目录里所有男人都背包。你看。（给他看。）看呀，男人，挎着包。

Joey

See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.

看呀，女人，挎着包。（他把包挎在肩上，看着镜子里的自己，很满意。）不过还真是奇了，女人背的包在我身上这么好看，我是男人啊。

Rachel

Exactly! Unisex!

没错！两性通用！

Joey

Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.

（Unisex听来像“你需要性生活”）你才需要性呢。我前两天刚刚做过。

Rachel

No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex.

不是！乔伊你听错了！（拼字）U-N-I-sex.

Joey

Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.

（听来像“你和我上床”）好啊，那我倒不会拒绝。

Ursula

Who is it?

谁啊？

Phoebe

It's Phoebe.

是菲比。

Ursula

Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?

哦太好了！（开门。失望）哦，怎么是你。嗯，找我有事吗？

Phoebe

Umm, well I sorta have some bad news, can I come in?

嗯，我带了坏消息来，我能进来吗？

Ursula

Umm, yeah---no thanks.

嗯，进来吧，还是别进来吧，谢谢。

Phoebe

Umm, well, umm Grandma died.

嗯，祖母去世了。

Ursula

Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?

哇，她不是五年前就死了吗？

Phoebe

No, she just died today! Okay, umm, we're having a memorial service tomorrow.

不对，她今天才死的。嗯，明天我们要举行葬礼。

Ursula

Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.

好吧，我早就参加过她的葬礼了。

Phoebe

No you didn't!

你没有参加过！

Ursula

Well, then who's been dead for five years?

是吗，那是谁死了五年了呢？

Phoebe

Well, lots of people! Look, are you coming to memorial service or not?

很多人都死了五年了！说吧，你到底来不来参加葬礼？

Ursula

Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So... I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.

嗯，还是算了。我以为她早死了所以我的心情很平静。另外，明天我还要去听音乐会，所以……我想邀请你也去，不过呢，我只有两张票。

Phoebe

Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. (Starts to leave.)

好吧，好好享受你的音乐会吧。（开始离开。）

Ursula

Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.

谢谢！你也好好享受葬礼吧。

Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other in shock.)

（他走过时，钱德勒和罗斯都注意到了那个包，震惊地对视。）

Chandler

Wow! You look just like your son Mrs. Tribbiani!

哇！你看起来跟你儿子好像，崔比昂尼太太！

Joey

What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!

什么？你是说我的男用挎包吗？起初我以为它只是漂亮，没想到还非常实用。你看看！里面有隔层，什么都能装！钱包，钥匙，地址簿！

Ross

Your make-up!

还可以放化妆品呢！

Rachel

(entering) Joey, what are you doing with the bag? You're audition is not until tomorrow.

（进来）乔伊，你现在背着包干嘛？不是明天才试镜么？

Joey

Yeah, but sandwich time is right now. (Removes a sandwich and starts eating.)

是啊，但是现在我该吃三明治了。（取出一个三明治开始吃。）

Rachel

Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.

乔伊，你得明白包上粘上一点芥末可就不能退了。

Joey

Why would I return it? I love this bag!

我为啥要退呢？我爱死这个包了！

Rachel

All right, then you owe me $350.

好吧，那给我350块。

Joey

Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? (He's holding the fake credit cards that come with the bag.)

没问题！你收维萨卡还是万事达卡？（他拿着包里附带的假信用卡。）

Rachel

(glaring at him) Joey...

（瞪着他）乔伊……

Joey

All right relax, look I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I am definitely gonna get thanks to you.

好吧别紧张，我会用演这个戏的片酬付包钱的。托你的福我一定能得到这个角色。

Ross

What's the part, Anti-man?

是什么样的角色，男性反对者吗？

Rachel

Hey, don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.

嘿，别听他们乱说，我觉得这非常性感。

Joey

U-N-I-sexy? (Smiles provocatively.)

中性的性感？（挑逗地笑。）

Phoebe

Well hello, Mrs. Penella! Thank you so much for coming! Well, okay look, here's your umm, 3-D glasses and Reverend Pong will tell you when to put them on.

你好，潘内拉夫人，谢谢你前来！请拿好，这是你的立体眼镜。彭牧师会告诉你什么时候戴上它。

(The gang arrives.)

（大家来了。）

Rachel

Hi sweetie!

你好啊宝贝！

Ross

Hey, how are you holding up?

嘿，你还撑得住吧？

Joey

Hey Pheebs, I'm so sorry.

嘿，菲比，我很难过。

Phoebe

(notices his bag.) Hey, y'know what? My Grandma had the exact same bag!

（注意到他的包）嘿，我祖母有和你一样的包包！

Joey

Here, I brought you some flowers. (He pulls them out of the bag.)

看，我买了花送给你。（他从包里抽出一束花。）

Phoebe

Thanks!

谢谢！

Chandler

Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.

从里面拖出一束花，总算让这个包平添了几分阳刚之气。

(Another man, an older man, enters, looking around and bumps into Chandler.)

（另一个年纪较大的男人走进来，四处张望，撞到了钱德勒。）

Man

Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial?

哦，对不起，请原谅，这里是不是追悼会啊？

(The gang moves off as Phoebe greets the new guest.)

（大家走开，菲比迎接新客人。）

Phoebe

Yeah, welcome.

是的，欢迎。

Man

Hello. Hello.

你好。你好。

Phoebe

Umm here's your 3-D glasses.

嗯，请拿好你的立体眼镜。

Man

Oh, umm, all right.

哦，嗯，好的。

Phoebe

So how did you know Francis?

请问您是怎样认识我祖母的？

Man

Well I actually, I-I really, I haven't seen her for years. But umm, well I-I was pretty tight with-with her and her daughter.

我事实上，我真的，我已经多年没见过她了。不过呢，嗯，我和她及她女儿一度关系密切。

Phoebe

Really?! What's your name?

是吗？您的姓名？

Man

Umm, Frank Buffay.

嗯，弗兰克·巴费。

(Needless to say, Phoebe is stunned into silence. And one audience member gasps.)

（不用说，菲比震惊得说不出话。一位观众倒吸一口气。）

Frank Sr.

(Seeing the look on her face) Y'know what? Strike that. My name uh, actually is-is Joe. Uh, Joe umm, Hill.

（看到她的表情）我刚才乱讲的，我的名字其实叫乔。嗯，乔，希尔。

Phoebe

You're Frank Buffay?

你就是弗兰克·巴费？

Frank Sr.

Shh! (Whispers) No! Joe Hill!

小声点！（低声说）不！乔·希尔！

Phoebe

You just said...

可你刚才说……

Frank Sr.

Y'know what, I gotta go. And thank you so much for coming. (Hands back his glasses and hurries out.)

我得走了。多谢你光临。（把眼镜还给她，匆匆离开。）

Phoebe

But...

但是……

(Phoebe takes one step after him and stops.)

（菲比朝他追了一步，停住了。）

Phoebe

Oh my God!

哦上帝啊！

Monica

What?! What honey?

怎么了？怎么啦宝贝？

Ross

What happened?

发生什么事了？

Phoebe

That was my dad!

那是我爸爸！

Chandler

Oh my God!

哦天啊！

(They all look down the hall he left from.)

（大家都朝他离开的走廊望去。）

Joey

(approaches, wearing his glasses) Hey you guys, check it out. Check it out. (Moves his hand towards and away from his face.) It's like it's coming right at me. (Chandler helps out a little bit by pushing on Joey's arm, which causes his hand to slap him in his face.)

（戴着眼镜走过来）嘿你们看，看呀。（把手朝脸移近再移开。）好象近在眼前。（钱德勒推了一下乔伊的胳膊，结果乔伊的手打了自己一巴掌。）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Monica

Oh, did you catch him?!

哦，你追上他了吗？

Phoebe

Uh-huh.

追上了。

Ross

Wh-what did he say?!

他说什么了？

Phoebe

He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." (They stare at her, dumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?

他说，“碰到你很高兴，格兰达。”（他们都目瞪口呆地看着她。）很明显我不能告诉他我的真名。

Rachel

Why?! Why not?!

为什么？为什么不行？

Phoebe

Come on, you saw the way he ran out of here! What do you think? He's gonna stick around and talk to the daughter he abandoned!

算了吧，你们都看到他从这落荒而逃的狼狈样！还能怎么样？难道要他呆在这里和他遗弃的女儿回忆往事吗？

Joey

What did you say to him?

你跟他怎么说呢？

Phoebe

Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.

我说，我告诉他说，我是弗兰西丝的遗嘱执行人。我得跟他谈谈，所以一小时后我要和他在咖啡馆见面。

The Pastor

Could everyone please take their seats?

请大家就座。

Phoebe

All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wanna say good-bye to my Grandma.

好了，现在我不能分心。我想和祖母好好道个别。

Rachel

Okay.

好。

Monica

All right, let's go say good-bye.

好，我们去送别吧。

(They put on their glasses and try to find their way to their seats.)

（他们戴上眼镜，摸索着找座位。）

Joey

(entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?

（带着包进来）嘿！我要去试镜了！我看来帅吗？

Rachel

Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.

啊，帅翻了！有了这个包，你稳操胜券！

Chandler

And a date with a man!

还会有男人找你约会的！

Joey

Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, (pats the bag) comes with a bag! (Exits.)

告诉你说，随你怎么调侃吧，这个包我就是喜欢，听清了吗？而且它越来越好用！你不能理解的事不一定就是错的！知道了吗？从现在起你们最好习惯这个事实，那就是乔伊（拍拍包）挎着个包！（离开。）

Phoebe

All right, I'd better go too. I have to go talk to my dad.

好了，我也该走了。我得和我父亲谈谈。

Rachel

Ooh, Pheebs, what are you gonna say? Are you gonna tell him who you are?

哦，菲比，你打算说什么呢。要告诉他你的身份吗？

Phoebe

Umm, no, not at first 'cause I-I don't want to freak him out.

嗯，不，刚见面我不会讲，会吓坏他的。

Ross

Well, but aren't you pissed at him?! I mean this guy abandoned you! I gotta tell you if this were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger! (Getting worked up) I mean I-I-I'd walk in there and I'd be like, "Yo, dad! You and me outside right now!" (Calming down.) I kinda scared myself.

好吧，但你难道不气他吗？这人抛弃了你们啊！如果换作我的话，这人起码落个残废！（激动起来）我是说，我会走上前去叫，“你！爸爸！和我出去单挑！”（冷静下来。）我吓着我自己了。

Monica

Well, at least you scared someone.

喔，你起码还是吓着人了。

Phoebe

Y'know it's funny, you'd think I'd be angry. I mean, you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off. Fortunately, I'm past it.

有意思，你觉得我应该生气。你认为我该把他的小脑袋拧下来。幸运的是，我克服了这种情绪。

Monica

Phoebe, you do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you.

菲比，你看来有点紧张。来，我帮你忙。

Phoebe

All right.

哦，手拿开。

(She goes over and tries to give Phoebe a massage. Phoebe yelps in pain and jumps away from her.)

（她走过去想给菲比按摩。菲比疼得叫了一声，跳开了。）

Phoebe

Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!

哇喔！停手！为什么？你为什么这样对我？

Monica

What are you talking about?

你说什么？

Phoebe

As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you, never do that to anyone!

作为按摩师，作为人类，我请求你，千万别再对任何人下这样的毒手了！

Monica

(indignant) I give good massages! (Ross laughs.) I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! (She starts giving Chandler a massage.)

（愤愤不平）我按摩技术很高！（罗斯笑了。）每次瑞秋过敏我都给她按摩来着！还有，还有钱德可喜欢让我按摩了！你看！（她开始给钱德勒按摩。）

Phoebe

(seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!

（看到钱德勒的表情）他——他不喜欢！他讨厌让你按摩！他满脸痛苦！

Monica

No he's not!

他没有痛苦！

Chandler

(wincing) Yes, he is!

（龇牙咧嘴）是很痛！

Monica

What?!

什么？

Chandler

I'm sorry but, ow-owww-owww!

对不起，不过，喔-喔——喔！

Monica

You've been lying to me? I can't believe you'd do that.

你一直对我撒谎？我真不敢相信你这样对我。

Ross

Well, maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.

我看，他也许只是不想伤害你的感情。

Monica

But the minute we start to lie to each other... (Pauses after she realizes what she's saying.) And by 'we' I mean society.

我们居然就开始互相欺骗了。（她意识到自己说了什么，停顿了一下。）我说“我们”，其实是指我们这个小团体。

The Casting Director

Any time you're ready, Joey.

你准备好就开始吧，乔伊。

Joey

(reading from the script) Well, you must be new here. Why don't we get a table and I'll buy you a drink.

（读剧本）我看你是新来的吧。找张桌子，我请你喝点什么好吗。

The Casting Director

(stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?

（打断他）对不起，你能否，能不能把你的坤包取下来试试。

Joey

Yeah, sure. (He takes it off and starts reading.) Well, you must be new here. Maybe we should---I'm sorry, can I ask you something? (He stops and asks a question.)

好的。（他取下包，开始读。）我看你是新来的吧。也许我们应该——对不起，我能跟你谈谈吗？（他停下来问了个问题。）

The Casting Director

Sure. What?

行。什么事？

Joey

Well, first it's not a purse.

首先这不是个坤包。

The Casting Director

Okay, anytime.

好吧，随便你。

Joey

I mean if-if you're thinking it's a woman's bag, it's not. It's a man's bag!

我是说你也许误认为这是个女人背的包，不是的，这是男用包！

The Casting Director

Okayyyy! Anddd, go!

好吧！！开始！

Joey

All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!

好吧你看，我给你看产品目录！（拿出目录。）看见了吧？呃？这是最新的时尚！人人挎包！男人！女人！孩子！人手一个！

The Casting Director

Umm, do you sell these bags?

嗯，你来推销包的吗？

Joey

Noooo. No-no-no, these babies sell themselves.

不——不，不，不，这些包不用我推销也好卖。

The Casting Director

Okay! Thank you! That was great!

好！谢谢你！很好！

Joey

Yeah but I didn't read anything.

行，但我还没念台词呢。

The Casting Director

I think we've seen enough!

我们已经大饱眼福了！

Joey

Okay! All right, I'll see ya. (As he's walking off stage.) (Patting the bag.) We got it! We got it!

好！好吧，再见。（一边走下舞台，一边拍着包。）这角色是我们的！这角色是我们的！

Chandler

Hey, is Rachel here?

嘿，瑞秋在家吗？

Monica

No.

不在。

Chandler

(coming all the way in) Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.

（完全走进来）听着，我只想为下午按摩的事道歉。好吗？我——我其实喜欢你按摩。

Monica

Oh, please, stop! Look, we're supposed to be honest with each other. I-I just wish you could tell me---just say, "I don't like your massages."

哦，求你别说了！我们说好彼此诚实的。我只想听真话，“我不喜欢你按摩。”

Chandler

(falling into that trap) I don't like your massages.

（落入陷阱）我不喜欢你按摩。

Monica

(starting to cry) See? It's no big deal.

（开始哭）看，没什么大不了的。

Chandler

Okay, but now see you're crying!

好，但是你哭起来了。

Monica

I'm not crying about that! I'm crying about something that happened at work.

我没哭这个！我只是工作上不大顺心。

Chandler

What?

什么事？

Monica

(bursting into tears) My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.

（大哭起来）我男朋友说他不喜欢我按摩。

Chandler

It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.

没关系的，你不必事事都争第一。

Monica

Oh my God! You don't know me at all!

哦上帝啊，你压根不了解我！

Chandler

Okay, you give the worst massages in the world.

好吧好吧，你的按摩全世界最差。

Monica

I'm crying here!!

我已经哭了！！

Chandler

Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, "Who's the best of that?" They'd have to go to you.

好了，听我说，好吗？你在滥按摩师中排名第一。如果有人想在滥按摩师当中评选第一名，他们就会想“谁排名第一呢？”结果一定是你。

Monica

Huh. So you're saying like umm, if there was an award for the best bad massage, well who would get that?

嗯。所以你的意思是，如果有最差按摩师大奖的话，谁会得奖呢？

Chandler

Oh, it would be you! You! Monica! And you'd get all the votes!

哦，一定是你！你！莫妮卡！所有人都投你的票！

Monica

So maybe they could umm, call the award the Monica?

那么他们也许会把这个奖命名为“莫妮卡奖”？

Chandler

Absolutely!

绝对是！

Monica

Okay. I suck!

那还差不多。我接受！

Chandler

Yeah! (They hug.)

乖！（他们拥抱。）

Phoebe

Umm, thank you for meeting with me.

嗯，谢谢您答应见我。

Frank Sr.

Thank you. All right.

谢谢你。好。

Phoebe

Come, sit. (He's hesitant.) Sit. (Still hesitating.) Sit! (He sits on the arm of the couch.) Umm, all righty, before we get started I just---I need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay.

请坐。（他犹豫。）坐下。（还在犹豫。）坐下！（他坐在沙发扶手上。）嗯，好，在开始谈话之前，我需要你回答几个登记表上的正式问题。你的确是弗兰克·巴费？

Frank Sr.

Oh yes. Yes, yes, I am, uh-hmm.

哦是的，是，是，我是。嗯——

Phoebe

Okay.

好。

Frank Sr.

So, what did Francis leave me?

那，弗兰西丝留什么东西给我了？

Phoebe

Huh?

啊？

Frank Sr.

Well, that's why you wanted me to come, right?

这不是你叫我来的理由吗？

Phoebe

Oh yes. Yes. Yeah---no. She did. She left you umm, (looking in her purse) this lipstick.

哦，对啊，没错。她留给你，嗯，（在包里翻找）这支口红。

Frank Sr.

Oh. Huh. It's huh, well it's (opens it) oh it's---ew used. Umm, cool.

哦，呃。这是，我看看，哦，是用过的。嗯，很棒。

Phoebe

Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. (She picks up a couple of crumpled receipts.) Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct?

好了，要填正式的表格我需要询问你几个问题。问题一，你和弗兰西丝的女儿丽丽结婚，对吗？

Frank Sr.

Yes, yes I was.

是，是的。

Phoebe

Okay, umm, question 2) Umm, did that marriage end A. Happily, B. Medium, or C. In the total abandonment of her and her two children?

好，问题二，嗯，婚姻以何种方式告终？选择A，愉快的；选择B，一般的；选择C，抛妻弃女？

Frank Sr.

It really says that?!

文件上真这么写？

Phoebe

Yeah. See? (Quickly shows him.)

是的，要看看吗？（快速给他看了一眼。）

Frank Sr.

Well then I guess then I-I would I would have to say C.

好吧，我想我得选，C。

Phoebe

Hmm, okay, total abandonment. Okay, reasons for abandonment, A. Top secret government work, B. Amnesia, or C. Or you're just a selfish, irresponsible bad, bad man?

嗯，好，那就是“抛妻弃女”。下面，抛弃妻女的理由？A. 高级机密的政府工作，B. 健忘症，或者C. 只因你是个自私、不负责任的父亲，是个坏男人？

Frank Sr.

Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. (Gets up to leave.) But umm... Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please? (Hands her a note.)

我并不是很想得到这支口红。（起身要离开。）不过，哦，你能帮我一个忙吗？嗯，你能帮我把这个转交给丽丽吗？（递给她一张纸条。）

Phoebe

What?!

什么？

Frank Sr.

Well Lilly, when you see Lilly would you give her that, that note? Because I wanted to talk to her at the memorial but, well I pictured her getting mad at me the way you got mad at me and I well, I chickened out. So, uh, I wrote her that note, would you give it to her please?

你看到丽丽请把这个便条交给她。我本想在葬礼上跟她谈谈，不过当时你生气的样子让我害怕她也会对我发火，所以我溜了。所以，呃，我写了张字条给她，你能转交吗？

Phoebe

But you-you-you came to see Lilly?

你，你当时是去找丽丽的？

Frank Sr.

Yeah, yeah. Why?

是的，怎么了？

Phoebe

Lilly's dead. (He looks up in shock.)

丽丽死了。（他震惊地抬起头。）

Frank Sr.

She what?!

她什么？

Phoebe

She's dead.

她死了。

Frank Sr.

Are you sure?

你确定？

Phoebe

Well, if she isn't then cremating her was a big mistake.

如果她没死，那火葬她就是个大错误。

Frank Sr.

I can't believe this. I just---I can't believe this. How-how---Oh my God. How long ago?

难以置信，我不敢相信。怎么会？哦天哪。她几时死的？

Phoebe

17 years ago.

17年前。

Frank Sr.

Oh! What about, what about the girls?

哦！那她的女儿们怎么办？

Phoebe

Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.

乌苏拉当女招待，她住在苏豪区。而菲比呢，（停顿）就坐在这张沙发上。

(Silence ensues.)

（沉默。）

Phoebe

Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!

对，口红和女儿，今天可真让你吃不消。

Frank Sr.

Phoebe, I-I-I-umm, (Sits down next to her and brushes against her leg.) Oops. (He backs up.) I just, I-I-I-I don't, I don't know what to say. I just can't believe that you're my daughter, you're so pretty.

菲比，我，我，嗯，（坐到她旁边，碰到了她的腿。）哎呀。（他退后。）我只是，我，我，不知道，我不知道说什么好。我只是无法相信你是我女儿，你这么美。

Phoebe

Yes. Well, that's neither here nor there.

是的，但你跑题了。

Frank Sr.

So would it, would it make you feel better if I said I was very, very sorry that I left?

如果我说我非常抱歉当初撇下你们，你会不会好受点？

Phoebe

Y'know what, it doesn't matter what you say it's not gonna make a difference anyway, so you can just go.

你知道吗，你现在说什么都无关紧要了，你走吧。

Frank Sr.

All right. Well, y'know in my defense I was a lousy father.

好吧。我得说我是个不称职的父亲。

Phoebe

That's a defense?

你这算是为自己辩解？

Frank Sr.

Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!

是的。我烧糊了婴儿食物，还把你的尿布穿反了。我编了首歌哄你入睡，结果你哭得更厉害了。

Phoebe

You make up songs?

你还编了歌？

Frank Sr.

Well no, just-just that one. But, it was stupid. Let's see, how did it, how did it go. Umm. (Singing.)

也不算吧，就是那首。不过，听起来挺傻的。让我想想，怎么唱的来着？嗯。（唱道。）

(Yeah, that's to the tune of Smelly Cat.)

（对，就是《臭臭猫》的调子。）

Yeah.

对。

(Phoebe is trying not to smile. He moves closer and very shyly holds out his hand and turns his head, hoping for Phoebe to take his hand. She doesn't.)

（菲比忍着不笑。他挪近一点，非常害羞地伸出手，转过头，希望菲比能握住他的手。她没有。）

Frank Sr.

I just, I y'know, I'm not very good at this. So, umm... (Backs away.)

我只是，不懂得表达感情，所以……嗯……（退后。）

Phoebe

Well, I am. (Moves over and takes his hand.)

那我来吧。（挪过去，握住他的手。）

(She holds his hand for a little while then...)

（她握了一会儿他的手，然后……）

Phoebe

Not yet, no. (Drops his hand and moves back.)

我也没准备好。还是算了。（松开他的手，挪了回去。）

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Joey

(dejected) Hi.

（沮丧地）嗨。

All

Hey!

嘿！

Chandler

Hey man, how did the audition go?

嘿，兄弟，试镜如何？

Joey

Estelle said I didn't get it. (Sits down next to Rachel on the couch.)

埃斯特拉说我没戏。（在沙发上坐到瑞秋旁边。）

Rachel

What?! Why? Joey you were so ready for it!

什么？为什么？乔伊你再合适不过了！

Joey

Yeah, I thought so too but, she said the casting people had some problems with me.

是，我有同感。不过她说选角的人对我有看法。

Ross

What kind of problem?

什么看法？

Joey

Well to tell you the truth, they uh, (Pause) they had a problem with the bag!

说老实话，他们，呃，（停顿）他们看不惯我的包！

Chandler

Oh my God!

哦天哪！

Ross

Nooooo!

不！

Joey

Y'know what? It was a stupid play anyway!

我看，这反正是出愚蠢的戏，演不上也没什么！

Monica

Y'know, Joey, I think it's time to give up the bag.

乔伊，我想是时候和这个包说再见了。

Joey

I don't wanna give up the bag. I don't have to give up the bag! Do I Rach? (She's avoiding his eyes.) Oh, you think I should give up the bag!

我可不想扔掉它。我可以留着它对吗？瑞秋？（她避开他的目光。）哦，你也认为我应该扔掉它！

Rachel

Honey wait, Joey, I'm sorry I mean as terrific as I think you are with it... (Looks for help.)

宝贝别着急，乔伊，我认为你挎着它非常帅……（寻求帮助。）

Chandler

Oh, hey! (Ross nods in agreement as well.)

哦，嘿！（罗斯也点头同意。）

Rachel

...I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.

……我只是发现这个世界好象还没有准备好接受你挎这个包。

Joey

I can't believe I'm hearing this!

我不敢相信连你也这么说！

Rachel

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a bag, I just---it's just there are other bags that are a little less umm, (Pause) controversial.

等一下！等一下！我并非说你不能有个包，不过你也许该选用不那么有争议性的包。

Chandler

Yeah umm, they're called wallets.

对，我们叫那种包为“钱包”。

End

结束