The One With All The Resolutions

Jay Leno

(On TV to Dick Clark) Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?

（在电视上对迪克·克拉克）有庆祝活动吗？人们如何迎接新年？

Joey

All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey!

过年啦！1999年，乔伊年！

Chandler

(deadpan, standing next to Monica) We're very happy for you.

（面无表情，站在莫妮卡旁边）真替你高兴。

Joey

What's the matter?!

怎么了？

Chandler

We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know...

新年钟声敲响时我和莫妮想接吻。但你们会觉得异样的……

Joey

All right, I'll take care of it.

我来搞定。

Monica

Oh no, wait! Joey!

别！乔伊！

(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)

（他们想拦住他，不知道他打算干什么。他没理他们，过去找罗斯说话。）

Ross

(hopping) 73! 72! 71!

（单脚跳）73！72！71！

Joey

Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?

罗斯！罗斯！罗斯，听着！你呆会要亲谁？瑞秋还是菲比？

Ross

What?

什么？

Joey

Well you gotta kiss someone, you can't kiss your sister.

亲吻中迎接新年，但你不能亲自己妹妹。

Ross

Well, who's gonna kiss my sister.

那谁亲我妹妹？

Joey

Chandler.

钱德。

Ross

Awww, man! Really?

真的？

Joey

Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?

你选一个吧，让我或者钱德亲莫妮呢？

Ross

That's a good point.

问得好。

Joey

Yeah.

就是说嘛。

Ross

Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.

因为我跟瑞秋谈过恋爱，我选菲比吧。

Joey

Okay, great!

好！

Ross

All right.

好。

Joey

Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!

菲比！菲比！罗斯过新年时要亲你！

Phoebe

It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?

可以啊，他干嘛不直接问我？

Joey

Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.

瑞秋！瑞秋！听着，我过年就亲你。

Rachel

What?!

什么？

Ross

Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.

亲吻迎新年嘛，你不能吻罗斯，你们有前科。

Rachel

So?

那又怎样？

Joey

So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?

你选我还是钱德来亲你呢？

Rachel

Oh, good point.

问得好。

Joey

Yeah!

就是说嘛。

All

(watching the ball drop) 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

（看着水晶球降落）3！2！1！新年快乐！！

(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)

（于是大家开始激吻。钱德勒和莫妮卡，罗斯和菲比，乔伊和瑞秋。）

Chandler

(To Monica) Happy New Year!

（对莫妮卡）新年快乐！

Monica

Happy New Year.

新年快乐。

Ross

(To Phoebe) Happy New Year, Pheebs!

（对菲比）新年快乐，菲比！

Phoebe

You too!

新年快乐！

Rachel

(To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!

（对乔伊）新年快乐，乔伊！

Joey

So did that do anything for ya?

喜欢吗？

(Rachel slowly walks away.)

（瑞秋慢慢走开。）

Opening Credits

片头

Ross

Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!

听着，我99年的新年愿望是：不再离婚！

Rachel

But your divorce isn't even final yet.

你离婚还没办完呢。

Ross

Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.

99年只离一次婚！我今年会很快乐，我要让自己快乐。

Chandler

Do you want us to leave the room, or?

要我们回避吗？

Ross

Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.

每天我都要有新尝试。这就是我的新年决心。

Phoebe

Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.

好主意！我呢、就想开飞机。

Chandler

That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

也是好主意，如果有人新年想找死，他们可以去搭你的飞机。

Phoebe

Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.

不再拿朋友寻开心，尤其是本打算开飞机免费载你去欧洲的朋友。

Monica

She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.

她可能会开飞机，你却不太可能不拿我们开心。

Ross

In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.

我赌50元，你坚持不了一年。一个星期都难说。

Chandler

I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" (Ross looks at him.) And it starts right now!

赌就赌。输给我50元，就是你那天的新尝试！（罗斯看着他。）马上就开始算！

Joey

All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.

我的新年决心是学弹吉他。

Ross

Ohh.

哦。

Phoebe

Really?! How come?

真的？为什么？

Joey

Well, y'know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it would be great if one of those was true.

我简历上写了很多技能，如果不全是吹牛，那一定很棒。

Phoebe

Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.

要我教你吗，我是好老师哦。

Joey

Really? Who-who have you taught?

你都教过谁？

Phoebe

Well, I taught me and I love me.

我教过自己，我喜欢学生。

Joey

Yeah that'd be great! Thanks Pheebs!

好！谢谢你，菲比。

Rachel

Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.

布莱尔忘了带眼镜。那她怎么看住她的男朋友？听说那个家伙用下半身思考，很难管教。你们知道我的意思？

Monica

Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.

也许你新年该少讲闲话。

Rachel

I don't gossip!

我从不说闲话。

(They all laugh.)

（众人都笑了。）

Rachel

Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?

有时候我得到消息，加以传播，免得你们不知道。那不代表我爱说闲话，那么多电视名嘴，能说他们爱说闲话吗？

Monica

Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.

假如他们也搬弄同事的是非，那就是。

Rachel

What? They were like this! (She puts her hands over her breasts and indicates that the coworkers boob job resulted in one pointing up and one pointing down with her hands by pointing up with one hand and down with the other.)

他们老是像这样！（她把手放在胸前，一只手向上指，一只手向下指，表示同事隆胸手术的结果是一个朝上一个朝下。）

Woman

I'll see you tomorrow.

明天见。

Ross

Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!

好！（她离开。对钱德勒和乔伊）嘿！

Chandler and Joey

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

I just asked that girl out.

我刚约了她。

Chandler

Nice!

很好！

Joey

Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today?

很好！那是你今天的“新尝试”吗？

Ross

Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)

算是吧。看！（给他们看那张写有她名字和电话号码的纸条。）

Chandler

(reading it) Elizabeth Hornswoggle?

（读）伊丽莎白·荷斯瓦根？

Ross

That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle.

对，伊丽莎白·荷斯瓦根。

Chandler

Horn-swoggle.

荷·斯瓦根。

Joey

You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?

钱德，这名字很好笑？

Chandler

No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before. (Sits down rubbing his temple.)

不，我好象在哪儿听过。（坐下揉太阳穴。）

Joey

Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)

真的？在哪儿？肯定好笑！（菲比进来，钱德勒憋得很辛苦。）

Ross

Hi, Pheebs!

嗨，菲比！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth (Talking into Chandler's ear.) Hornswoggle.

知道吗？我约了伊丽莎白·（对着钱德勒耳朵说）荷斯瓦根。

Phoebe

Hornswoggle? (To Chandler) Ooh, this must be killing you.

荷斯瓦根？（对钱德勒）噢，你一定忍俊不禁。

Ross

All right, see you later.

再见。

Joey

See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.

好！菲比我准备好上课了。

Phoebe

Okay. (Joey tries to take the guitar.) Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, (Points to her head.) then you learn here. (Points to the guitar.)

不，你别碰吉他。先打基础，然后摸琴。

Joey

Umm, okay.

好。

Phoebe

Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)

第一课，和弦。我不知道和弦指法名，但我根据弹琴时的手形自创了一些名字。这是“熊掌”，这是“火鸡腿”，还有“老太太”。（乔伊试着模仿。）

Chandler

What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.

趣味吉他教学法！有人会发笑，但我不会。

Phoebe

Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.

嘿，各位！瑞秋今天很乖，她一点闲话也没讲。

Rachel

I didn't! Even when I found out...umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)

我忍住了！虽然我有大发现，我发现了某人的某事，但是呢，我就是不说。（走进房间。）

Joey

Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)

嘿，菲比！快看。（摆出一个菲比教的和弦手势。）

Phoebe

Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! (They both laugh at what she said.)

你掌握了“老太太”指法！（两人都笑了。）

Joey

Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and...

我觉得自己有进步，今天回家的时候就到吉他店去了一趟……

Phoebe

Did you, did you touch any of the guitars while you were there? Did you?!

你碰了那里的吉他？对吗？

Joey

No.

没有。

Phoebe

Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?

把手给我看。（他照做，她闻了闻他的左手。）按了弦。那只！（他把右手给她，她也闻了闻。）用了吉他拨片。你还想不想学了？

Joey

Yes!

想！

Phoebe

Then don't touch one!!

想就别乱来！

Ross

(entering, with Ben) Hi!

（带着本进来）嗨！

Ben

Hi!

嗨！

Monica

Hi Ben!

嗨，本！

Ben

Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)

莫妮阿姨！（跑过去抱她。）

Chandler

(notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!

（注意到什么）罗斯穿皮裤！你们没注意到吗？评论点什么吧！

Rachel

I think they're very nice.

好看。

Monica

I like 'em.

我喜欢。

Joey

Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)

对！（钱德勒沮丧地捶桌子。）

Monica

I like them a lot.

我很喜欢。

Chandler

That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.

我可不是想说这个。罗斯这样的人怎么会穿这种裤子。紧身裤哦。（朝罗斯的臀部示意。）对紧身裤发表点评论吧。

(They all speak at once in general approval of his pants selection; Joey asks where he got them.)

（大家七嘴八舌地称赞他的裤子，乔伊问他在哪儿买的。）

Ross

Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."

“我还从没有过那么好闻的裤子呢”。

(No one says anything.)

（没人说话。）

Chandler

Oh come on!! (Storms out.)

受不了了！（冲了出去。）

Ross

(after he's left) Okay, seriously, what do you think?

（他走后）说真的，你们怎么看？

Joey

You look like a freak.

你看来畸形。

Rachel

Awful, absolutely awful. (Plus other negative comments from Phoebe and Monica.)

难看死了。（菲比和莫妮卡也说了其他负面评论。）

(Monica starts taking pictures of Ross and Ben, with the flash.)

（莫妮卡开始给罗斯和本拍照，开着闪光灯。）

Ross

What are you, what are you doing?

你干什么？

Monica

It's my New Year's resolution!

是我新年许的愿。

Ross

What, to blind my child?

把我的儿子闪瞎么？

Monica

No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.

是多拍合照。这个愿望太棒了，大家都会喜欢。

Joey

Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)

你们也会喜欢我的音乐。（弹了个和弦，莫妮卡开始给他和菲比拍照。两人开始摆姿势，莫妮卡拍了超多照片。）

Ross

(talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?

（自言自语）天啊！裤子要着火了！（他还穿着皮裤。）（她靠得更近了。）天啊，还靠过来。想热死我吗？简直是火山口！（大声说）你热吗？

Elizabeth Hornswoggle

No.

不热。

Ross

Okay, it must just be me then.

那只有我热了。

(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")

（他在沙发上换了个姿势，下身传来撕裂的声音，听起来像是一小股气体爆炸。换句话说，听起来他放了个屁。她一脸惊恐疑惑，心想“他刚才放屁了？”）

Ross

That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?

是裤子和沙发摩擦的声音。呃，我去一下洗手间可以吗？

Elizabeth

No, go ahead.

去吧。

Ross

Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)

谢谢。（站起来时，声音又来了。他二话不说走进了她的浴室。）

Ross

(in ecstasy) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........

（陶醉地）啊………………

Elizabeth

(yelling from outside) Hey, my favorite part is coming up!

（在外面喊）到我最爱看的一段了！

Ross

'Kay!

好！

(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)

（他去提裤子，但似乎只能提到膝盖。他疯狂地往上拽，还是不行。他开始慌了。）

Ross

Oh my God!

天啊！

Phoebe

Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?

“虎掌”！（乔伊试图摆出相应的手势，实际上他每个名字都摆了一个。）“龙拳”！“冰山”！（他失败了。）约瑟夫，昨晚你做功课了吗？

Joey

Yes! Yes, I did.

做了！

Phoebe

Then do Iceberg!

那做个“冰山手”！

Joey

(thinks) (quietly) G-sharp.

（想了想，小声说）升G。

Phoebe

G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords?

升G？你偷学了和弦真正的名字了？

(Joey doesn't answer. He looks away in shame.)

（乔伊没回答，羞愧地看向别处。）

Phoebe

Have you? Oh my God!

有吗？天啊！

Joey

What?! I didn't touch a guitar!

什么？我没碰过吉他！

Phoebe

No, but you're questioning my method!

但你质疑我的教学方法！

Joey

No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)

我才不质疑呢，我是说这种方法很白痴！（注意到莫妮卡站在他们中间笑着。）干什么？（相机咔嚓，又拍了一张。）

Monica

Thank you. (Leaves.)

谢谢。（离开。）

Phoebe

Y'know none of my other student thought I was stupid.

我其他的学生可不这么想。

Joey

Your other student, was you!

你就只教过你一个学生！

Phoebe

Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!

算了，你再加把劲吧。

Joey

(looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)

（翻黄页）可能我需要请个好老师！看！“Andy Cooper，教弹吉他”。还有他教小孩的照片，这孩子抱着把吉他！好！（冲了出去。）

Phoebe

Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!

好！你去找够资格的老师吧。以后别找我抱怨，说大家都听腻了你的练习曲！

Rachel

(entering, singing) "Baddest man in the whole damn town."

（进来，哼唱）“全镇最坏的男人”。

Phoebe

Oh, fine! Take his side! (Storms out.)

好！你也向着他！（冲了出去。）

(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)

（瑞秋一脸震惊，然后回过神来，发现只剩自己一个人，于是拿起电话。最后一件事她不该做，因为电话已经在使用中了。是莫妮卡在用，现在瑞秋能听到每一个字。）

Monica

(on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.

（在电话里）我等不及要抱你。罗斯一接走班，我马上溜到你那边来。我就跟瑞秋讲我要去洗几小时衣服。

Chandler

(on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)

（在电话里）“洗衣服”？我的新绰号吗？（瑞秋完全惊呆了，张大嘴巴，难以置信。）

Monica

(on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big...

（在电话里）你知道你的新绰号的，大先生……

Rachel

Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)

啊！！（她迅速挂断电话，开始来回踱步，不知如何是好。）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Joey

(answering phone) Hello?

（接电话）喂？

Ross

(calling from Elizabeth's bathroom) Joey, it's Ross! I need some help!

（从伊丽莎白的浴室打来）乔伊，我是罗斯，帮我！

Joey

Uhh, Chandler's not here.

呃，钱德不在。

Ross

Well, you can help me!

你帮我！

Joey

Okay.

好。

Ross

Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom...

我在伊丽莎白的浴室里……

Joey

Nice!

棒啊！

Ross

No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!

不！皮裤很热，我就脱下来放松，但它遇汗水后缩水了。要么就是腿受热膨胀了。现在穿不上了，乔伊，穿不上了！

Joey

Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?

糟糕。看到粉什么的吗？

Ross

Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder! (Grabs some of her shelf.)

粉！找到一瓶！（从架子上抓了一瓶。）

Joey

Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.

好，在腿上撒点粉，能吸收水分，你就能穿上裤子了。

Ross

Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.

对，等等。（他放下电话，往腿上撒了大量爽身粉，再次试着提裤子。还是不行。他俯身凑近电话，几乎要哭了。）还是不行，伙计。

Joey

Umm, do you see any---oh, Vaseline?

凡士林，那里有吗？

Ross

Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?

我看到有乳液。有用吗？

Joey

Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there.

有用，你试试。

Ross

Hold on.

等等。

(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)

（罗斯往腿上涂抹大量乳液。他简直是在用乳液喷洒腿后侧，涂到屁股时露出享受的表情。用了大约半瓶后，他再次试着提裤子，刚一遇到阻力，手就从裤子上滑开，打在了自己额头上。）

Joey

Ross? You okay?

罗斯，你没事吧？

Ross

They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!

还是不行，伙计。乳液和香粉混成糨糊了！

Joey

Really?! Uhh, what color is it?

真的？啥颜色？

Ross

What difference does that make?!

你管那么多？

Joey

Well, I'm just---if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!

如果糨糊颜色跟裤子相配，你就涂满糨糊当裤子，她看不出！

Rachel

(entering) Joey, do you have a minute?

（进来）乔伊，有空吗？

Ross

Dude, what am I gonna...

怎么办？

Joey

(To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)

（对罗斯）瑞秋来了，祝你好运。告诉我结果。（他挂断电话，把罗斯晾在了浴室里。）

Rachel

Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!

乔伊，我有个问题！

Joey

Oh well, you're timing couldn't be better. I am putting out fires all over the place.

你问得正好，我正到处救火呢。

Rachel

Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!

我要告诉你一件事！

Joey

What-what is it, what is it?

什么事？

Rachel

Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.

告诉你一个大秘密！但你要保证不要告诉别人。

Joey

Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!

不！我没兴趣！

Rachel

Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!

你想知道的！不可思议！

Joey

I don't care, Rach! Look, I am tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets but can't tell anyone!

不！我受够了保守秘密，谁也不能讲！

Rachel

What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?

你知道秘密？什么秘密？

Joey

And you're not supposed to be gossiping!!

你不该说闲话的！

Rachel

I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone...

是啊，但我没忍住，所以拿起电话……

(Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)

（乔伊孩子气地不想听瑞秋要说的话，把手指塞进耳朵，开始大声尖叫。瑞秋见乔伊不肯听，转身走了出去。她出去时钱德勒走进来，看到了乔伊这副样子。）

Joey

I'm not listening to you!

我不要听！

(Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)

（钱德勒看到乔伊闭着眼睛，悄悄走过去拿起那只鸡。鸡开始扑腾翅膀抗议，钱德勒把鸡举到离乔伊脸只有几英寸的地方。乔伊停止叫喊，睁开眼睛看到鸡，尖叫着惊恐地摔倒在地。）

Elizabeth

Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.

罗斯，你在里面好久了。我开始有点害怕了。

Ross

All right, I'm coming out. Hey, can you turn the lights off.

我就出来。把灯关掉可以吗？

Elizabeth

No, let's just leave the lights on.

灯要开着。

(Ross opens the door and steps into the living room. He has fully removed his pants and holds them wrapped into a ball in front of his crotch. His legs are covered in the powder and lotion paste. He looks terrible.)

（罗斯打开门，走进客厅。他已经完全脱掉了裤子，把裤子团成一团捂在裆部。腿上全是爽身粉和乳液的糨糊。他看起来很糟糕。）

Elizabeth

Oh my God!

天啊！

Ross

I had a problem.

我遇到麻烦。

Joey

Hey, Pheebs?

嘿，菲比？

Phoebe

No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!

我没资格跟你说话。我连黄页广告都登不起。

Joey

Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. (After a short pause she hands him her guitar.) You really think I'm ready?

对不起，我批评你的教学方法。你能再当我的老师吗？在得到你允许以前，我不碰吉他，好吗？（稍作停顿，她把吉他递给他。）你真的认为我可以了吗？

Phoebe

Uh-huh!

太好了！

Joey

Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)

哇！酷！（他拿起吉他，站起来，准备弹一个音。但拨弦时，吉他从手里滑脱，弹到桌上，掉在地上。菲比只是盯着吉他。）

Joey

(sitting back down) Was the chord at least right...

（坐回去）至少和弦指法没错吧？

Phoebe

No!

错了！

Chandler

Oh my God!

我的天！

Monica

We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry.

我们听说了你的裤子的事，真惨。

Ross

This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!

今年我本该得到幸福。但新年第2天，这愚蠢的、不合身的皮裤就害我出丑、当傻瓜！

All

No. No, you're not a loser.

你不傻。

Ross

Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)

看看我！（钱德勒强忍着不嘲笑他，发出一声尖叫。）

Monica

Hey, hey, look. Look Ross, Ben drew a picture of you! (Shows him Ben's picture.) Huh? You're-you're a cowboy!

嘿，看！班画了一张爸爸，把你画成牛仔！

Ross

Oh, be-because of the leather pants.

因为我穿皮裤。

Monica

See? Ben doesn't think you're a loser, he thinks you're a cowboy! Now that's something.

他觉得你是牛仔，而不是傻瓜。总算值得。

(All at once.)

（大家同时说。）

Phoebe

Yeah!

就是！

Rachel

That really is something; that's really cool.

就是。

Joey

Howdy partner!

你好，牛仔！

Ross

Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)

也许我该再买一条。你知道，那种旁边带须边的。（钱德勒又开始揉太阳穴。）我要去跟儿子说晚安。（他朝莫妮卡的卧室走去。）真不相信他认为我是个牛仔！（停顿）我可以是个不错的牛仔。（大摇大摆走进莫妮卡的房间。）

Monica

Okay, now that everything's wrapped up here, I think I'm, I'm gonna go do my laundry.

衣物收好了，我要洗衣服去了。

Chandler

Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. (Smells it.) Yep.

我也去，衬衣脏了吧？（闻了闻）对。

(They both exit.)

（两人都出去了。）

Phoebe

Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.

我也走了，去机场。我就在那里守着，总会发现空飞机的。

Rachel

Good luck, honey!

祝好运，亲爱的！

Phoebe

Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)

再见！（她离开，留下瑞秋和乔伊独处。）

Rachel

Hey, uh, Joey?

嘿，乔伊？

Joey

Umm?

嗯？

Rachel

Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?

记得我要告诉你的大秘密吗？

Joey

Oh, no! (Starts that screaming thing again. Rachel stops him by pulling his fingers out of his ears.)

不！（又开始尖叫。瑞秋把他的手指从耳朵里拉出来，制止了他。）

Rachel

I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?

我不逼你听，但如果你自己发现了，那我们可以交流交流，对吧？

Joey

Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah!

那就不算秘密了，好。

Rachel

(quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?

（轻声）好。（停顿）你到钱德的睡房，把他借我的书拿回来行吗？

Joey

Now? You want me to go over there now?

现在？你要我现在过去？

Rachel

Yeah!

对！

Joey

Do you know something?

你知道些什么吗？

Rachel

Do you know something?

我也许知道。

Joey

I might know something.

我也是。

Rachel

I might know something too.

你要知道什么，你先告诉我。

Joey

What's the thing you know?

你知道什么？

Rachel

Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.

你先说我才说。

Joey

I can't tell you what I know.

那好。

Rachel

Well then I can't tell you what I know.

你诈我！你什么都不知道。

Joey

Okay, fine.

我现在就过去钱德的房间。

(Silence ensues.)

（沉默。）

Joey

You don't know!

就能证实了！

Rachel

All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know!

你知道了！

Joey

(gasps) YOU KNOW!!!!

（倒吸一口气）你也知道！

Rachel

AND YOU KNOW!!!

对，我知道！

Joey

Yeah, I know!!!!

钱德和莫妮？喔，真难以置信！

Rachel

Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?

你知道多久了？

Joey

Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen... (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)

太久了！我一直想跟人说！别告诉其他人，他们会大惊小怪的。听着……（菲比回来打断了他们。）

Joey and Rachel

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So...

下雨了。我可不想雨中驾驶。

(Pause.)

（停顿。）

Joey

Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.

我要去雨中漫步。

Rachel

Ohhh, yeah, me too.

我也去。

(They both exit.)

（两人都出去了。）

Phoebe

That's weird. (Pause.) I bet they're doing it.

真怪。（停顿）他们肯定有一腿。

Ending Credits

片尾字幕

Chandler

(entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggle Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)

（进来）好了，我受不了了！你赢了，钱拿去。（把50块钱递给他。）菲比？开飞机？你去开宇宙飞船吧！那就可以飞回你的星球！罗斯，有电话找你，Tom Jones想要回他的裤子！荷斯瓦根？你跟木偶约会吗？（他坐下，如释重负地叹了口气。）

End

结束