The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS

Monica

(In a sexy voice) Come in. I've been waiting for you.

（性感的声音）进来，我等到花儿也谢了。

(Rachel enters.)

（瑞秋走进来）

Rachel

Hi! I just wanna-(sees Monica)-Ahhh!!! Oh my God! (She runs out in horror.) Oh my God!

嗨！我只想——（看到莫妮卡）啊——！！！哦，我的天！（惊恐地跑出去）哦，我的天！

Monica

(pulling on a robe) Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap.

（披上睡袍）好吧，对不起！对不起！我——我——我是在，嗯，在小睡。

Rachel

Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!

你几时采取这种睡姿的？哦，天哪，莫妮卡，告诉我你在等男人吧！快说你在等男人！

Monica

Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. (Thinks) I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!

是的，是的，我在等。一个男人，同事。（想了想）我在和同事交往！哈！

Rachel

(Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?

（倒吸一口气）你们那儿的可爱侍者？长得像无害版的雷·利奥塔那个？

Monica

Uh-huh, that one!

嗯哼，就是他！

Rachel

Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)

知道吗，给我一点时间我就闪人。我拿件外套就出去。等我回来，你要一五一十招给我听。（敲门声）可能是他来了。（去开门）

Monica

(Panicking) Okay, umm, okay, umm... (Rachel opens the door.) It's just Joey and Ross.

（慌张）好的，嗯，好的，嗯……（瑞秋打开门）只是乔伊和罗斯。

Rachel

Why aren't you guys at the movie?

你们不是去看电影吗？

Joey

Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!

我们去了！但罗斯讲电话太大声，我们被赶了出来！

Ross

I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!

我没办法！电影太吵了！

Joey

(to Monica and Rachel) He's talking to London!

（对莫妮卡和瑞秋）他打电话到伦敦！

Monica

But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?

为什么？！他联络到爱米丽了？

Joey

Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.

还没有。他打电话给女方所有的亲友，求人家帮他联络爱米丽。

Ross

(on phone) I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit!

（打电话）我——我——我才不在乎说错名字！你这个老顽固！

Joey

Ross! Way to suck up to the family.

罗斯！你该拍他们一家子马屁才对！

Chandler

(entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!

（高兴地拿着一瓶香槟走进来，以为只有莫妮卡在）哈哈哈——（看到大家）嗯——嗯。你们都在，好极了！公司终于买到防皱传真纸了！

Opening Credits

片头

Joey

(entering, wearing a tux) Hey!

（穿着燕尾服走进来）嘿！

Chandler

Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!

哦，不，不，不，不，不，呕吐物晚礼服！不，不，呕吐物晚礼服！

Joey

Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.

别担心，干洗过了。

Monica

Vomit tux? Who vomited on---y'know what, what you up to Joe?

呕吐物晚礼服？谁吐在上面了——你知道吗，乔伊，你盛装要去干嘛？

Joey

Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!

我参加电视节目，经理人帮我争取到当主持人的机会！

Monica

Oh that's great!

太好了！

Joey

A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!

既回馈PBS广播公司，又有电视曝光的机会——乔伊爱这样的美事！

Phoebe

Ugh, PBS!

噢，PBS！

Monica

What's wrong with PBS?

PBS有什么不好？

Phoebe

Ugh, what's right with them?

他们有什么好？

Joey

Why don't you like PBS, Pheebs?

你干嘛讨厌PBS，菲比？

Phoebe

Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.

我妈自杀后，我孤苦伶仃，所以写信到《芝麻街》寻找安慰。因为我小时候，他们真的很和气，却压根没人回信。

Chandler

Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.

是不是因为那些木偶都没有手指，写不了信？

Phoebe

All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!

他们只送我一个钥匙扣！我那时住在纸箱里，一把钥匙都没有！

Joey

I'm sorry Pheebs, I just, y'know, I just wanted to do a good deed. Like-like you did with the babies.

很抱歉，菲比，我只想做件好事，就像你代弟产子一样。

Phoebe

This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.

才不是做好事，你只想上电视罢了，自私自利！

Joey

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother? Talk about selfish!

哇！哇！哇！那你还帮你弟弟生孩子呢？还说我自私！

Phoebe

What-what are you talking about?!

什么意思？！

Joey

Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?

你的确是出于好心，但你因此觉得自己很伟大，对吧？

Phoebe

Yeah. So?

对，那又怎样？

Joey

It made you feel good, so that makes it selfish. Look, there's no unselfish good deeds, sorry.

因为你感觉很好，所以是自私的行为。世上没有绝对无私的好人好事，不好意思。

Phoebe

Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.

乱讲！当然有人做好事不是出于私心！

Joey

Well, may I ask for one example?

举例？

Phoebe

Yeah, it's... Y'know there's---no you may not!

比如……你知道有——不告诉你！

(They are standing on either side of Chandler as they discuss the point. Chandler, meanwhile, is disgusted with the whole argument.)

（他们站在钱德两边争论。钱德对整场争论感到厌恶）

Joey

That's because all people are selfish.

人不为己，天诛地灭。

Phoebe

Are you calling me selfish?!

你认为我也自私？！

Joey

Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?

你算人类？（钱德翻白眼）抱歉让你的梦破灭，菲比，无私的好事是不存在的。你知道圣诞老人的事，对吧？

Phoebe

I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius.

我一定会发现无私的好事。我要打败你，恶魔！

(Ross's phone rings and he answers it.)

（罗斯的电话响了，他接起来）

Ross

(on phone) Hello.

（接电话）喂。

Emily

(on phone from London) Hello, Ross?

（从伦敦打来）喂，罗斯？

Ross

Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!

爱米丽？爱米丽！哦，天哪！哦，天哪，是爱米丽！（他拿起一盏灯，无缘无故地递给钱德）各位，是爱米丽！嘘——嘘——嘘！（对爱米丽）嗨！

Emily

Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye!

罗斯，我只想告诉你，不许你再骚扰我的亲戚。再见！

Ross

No wait! Look, wait! Okay, you can hang up, but I'm gonna keep calling! I'm gonna, I'm gonna call everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me!

等等！听着，等等！好吧，你挂电话好了，但我不会罢休！我要打电话给全英国的人，只求你理睬我！

Emily

Really? About what?

真的？你想说什么？

Ross

Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you.

你是我妻子，我们成婚了。我爱你，我真的很挂念你。

Emily

I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.

我也想你，我想是吧。

Ross

(to the gang, whispering) She's talking.

（对大家，小声说）她肯开口讲话了！

All

(subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)

（低声）耶！（他示意大家安静，包括还拿着罗斯递给他的台灯的钱德，然后他走到一边单独和爱米丽通话）

Phoebe

Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?

嘿，乔伊，你说“圣诞老人的事”是什么意思？

Joey

That he doesn't exist.

他不存在。

Phoebe

Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)

对。（她转过身，震惊地睁大眼睛）

Rachel

So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?

钱德，你听说莫妮卡有个地下男友了吗？

Chandler

Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.

呃，对，她好像提过。

Rachel

So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?

莫妮卡，几时带来见见我们？

Monica

Ohh, he's really shy. I-I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.

他害羞，我想他还没准备好见大家。

Chandler

Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.

对，我想他还没准备好。

Rachel

I don't care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had!

不管！既然他是她所见过床上功夫最棒的家伙，我无论如何得见见。

(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)

（钱德听了这话相当得意）

Chandler

Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?

真的？有这样的风评？（对莫妮卡）你说的？

Monica

I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?

有可能。（钱德笑）很好笑吗？

Chandler

Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!

我真替他高兴！（对莫妮卡）你很幸运！

Ross

(entering) Hi!

（走进来）嗨！

Monica

Hey!

嘿！

Ross

Well, Emily's willing to work on the relationship.

爱米丽愿意和我破镜重圆。

Chandler

Yes!

太好了！

Monica

That's great!

太好了！

Ross

In London!

在伦敦！

Monica

What?!

什么？！

Ross

She wants me to move to London.

她要我搬去伦敦。

Monica

But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.

但你住在纽约！（罗斯翻白眼）这你也明白。

Rachel

What-what-what are you gonna do?

你会怎么做？

Ross

I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.

我跟卡萝和苏珊商量商量，她们一定会同意带班一起去伦敦。

Monica

Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife.

没错，你前妻一定会乐意出国，以便你和新欢开始新生活。

Ross

It could happen.

有这个可能。

Joey

(To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!

（对认捐志愿者）你好，欢迎，见到你真好！

Stage Director

This will be your phone.

这是你的电话。

Joey

That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.

太好了，但我不希望接很多电话。

Stage Director

No you answer it and take pledges.

你接电话，以接受认捐。

Joey

But I'm the host!

但我是主持人！

Stage Director

No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.

Gary Collins才是主持人，你接电话。

Joey

You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.

你搞错了，我是德雷克·雷莫瑞医生！

Stage Director

Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)

这是你的电话，大医生。（她走开了）

Phoebe

I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!

我真不敢相信！竟找不到无私的好事！知道住我隔壁的老头吗？我溜过去，把他家门口的树叶扫在一起。结果被他看见了，无论如何要招待我好酒好糖吃，让我非常快活！这个老东西！

Rachel

Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish.

也许乔伊是对的，也许所有的好事都是自私的。

Phoebe

I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!

我会找到无私的好事。我刚生了三个小孩，我可不能让他们接受乔伊那一套价值观！

Chandler

(entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?

（走进来）嘿，莫妮卡？请教一个烹饪的问题好吗？

Monica

Sure!

当然！

Chandler

If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?

假如你在炉子上煮东西，那说明你的新地下男友的床上功夫比理查德好吗？

Rachel

Chandler! (Pause) Is he?

钱德！（停顿）是不是啊？

Monica

Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.

我得尊重新男友的隐私。

Chandler

Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)

为什么？！假如我是你的神秘男友，而我得知自己给了你最好的爱，我会手舞足蹈的。（他跳上桌子，开始跳他的快乐舞）

Ross

All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben.

好了，爱米丽，虽然我如此爱你，但很抱歉，我无法离开班、搬来伦敦。

Emily

I understand that would be difficult.

我明白那很困难。

Ross

Yeah, would you please consider moving here? I mean you were gonna move here anyway, why can't you just do that?

你会考虑搬过来吗？你曾经打算搬来的，现在搬来好不好？

Emily

I don't know, it's just...

我不知道……

Ross

Oh-oh-okay, but-but I know, that even though I've been a-a complete idiot up 'til now, I mean, I mean you-you-you have to come here. You have to come here so we can work this out.

好的，但我知道，即使到现在为止我表现得这么白痴，但是，请你务必过来。你来了，我们就可以重新开始。

Emily

All right.

好吧。

Ross

All right, did you just say all right?

你刚说“好吧”？

Emily

I did. Now I'm the idiot.

是的，现在我是白痴了。

Ross

Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna be like-like-like two idiots in love!

哦，爱米丽，那太好了！好极了！我们将是相爱的一对白痴！

(She laughs.)

（她笑了）

Emily

Ross, there's one thing that really scares me still.

罗斯，还有一件事，我到现在还很担心。

Ross

Yes, tell me.

告诉我吧。

Emily

Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.

你要明白，我在教堂里，在亲朋好友面前有多丢脸。

Ross

I know. I am, I am so sorry.

我明白，我很抱歉。

Emily

And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.

当时我决定了要原谅你，却在机场碰见你跟她一起等飞机。

Ross

Again, very sorry.

再次致歉。

Emily

I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!

我是说，我无法跟她相处！想到你跟她在同一屋檐下，我就要发疯！

Ross

Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.

爱米丽，我和瑞秋很清白。我爱你。

Emily

All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work.

好吧。我来纽约，我们冰释前嫌，重新开始。

Ross

Oh that is so great! That's...

太好了！

Emily

(interrupting him) As long as you don't see Rachel anymore.

（打断他）只要你答应我，和瑞秋一刀两断。

Commercial Break

广告时间

Ross

So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.

我邀爱米丽搬来纽约，她答应了。

Chandler

Yes!

太好了！

Phoebe

Ooh-ohh!

哦——哦！

Monica

Great!

太好了！

Ross

No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.

不，不，不！但她要求我不再见瑞秋。

Phoebe

Why?

什么？那怎么行？

Monica

What?! You can't---what did you tell her?

什么？！你怎么说的？

Ross

I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!

我说我需要考虑。但我怎么能做出这样的决定？（大家都沉默）我真的是在问你们！

Chandler

Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.

你不可能不再见瑞秋，她是你最好的朋友之一。

Monica

Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife.

没错！但那样他就见不到爱米丽，他的妻子。

Phoebe

Yeah.

那倒是！

Chandler

That's true!

对！

Phoebe

Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.

你从高中就认识瑞秋了，你不能让她从你生命中消失！

Chandler

That's true!

对！

Monica

No, you cannot.

你做不到的。

Ross

Thanks for the help, problem solved. (Wipes his hands.)

谢谢你们的帮忙，让我茅塞顿开。（拍拍手）

(The phone rings.)

（电话铃响）

Monica

(answering it) Hello.

（接电话）喂。

Joey

(on phone) Hey Mon!

（电话里）嘿，莫妮卡！

Monica

Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?

哦，嘿，乔伊！我们等一天了，你什么时候会出现在电视上？

Joey

See, there was kind of a mix up in my agent's office, but I'm still on TV and that's good exposure.

我的经纪人没安排好，但我还是上电视了，很好的曝光机会。

Monica

(Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.

（看着电视）你没上电视。

Joey

Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)

哦，呃，现在呢？（他在旁边女人面前挥挥手，可以看到他的手臂出现在电视上）

Chandler

Hey, there he is! There he is!

他在那里！他在那里！

Joey

Hello New York! (The woman bats his hand out of the way.)

你好，纽约！（那女人把他的手打开）

Emeril

(on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs...

（电视上）现在我们把整只鸭子放进去，先放腿……

(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)

（钱德进来，看到它们在看的节目，惊慌地跑去关掉电视）

Chandler

How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!

跟你们说多少遍了！不许看烹饪频道！

Monica

(entering) Hi Chandler.

（走进来）嗨，钱德。

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day.

呃，听着，我来拿乔伊借去的煎锅。

Chandler

Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.

哦，是你的锅？呃，对，小鸭吐毛虫时，我们用它来接。

Monica

William Sonoma, fall catalog, Page 27.

William Sonoma，秋季目录，第27页。

Chandler

Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.

四到六周后收到。（她开始离开）呃，嘿，呃，乔伊今天一整天要拍电视，这里是我们的天下！

Monica

Yeah, so?

那又怎样？

Chandler

Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.

难道你不想和你的第一号男朋友共度？

Monica

Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass.

你知道吗，冠军？我放弃这个机会。

Chandler

Why?

为什么？

Monica

Why? (She hops into the living room and imitates Chandler's happy dance.)

还问为什么？（她跳进客厅，模仿钱德的快乐舞）

Chandler

What's your point?

你想说什么？

Joey

(in a bored voice) PBS telethon.

（无聊的声音）PBS募捐节目。

Phoebe

(on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.

（从中央珀克咖啡馆打电话）嘿，乔伊，告诉你说，我找到了无私的好事。我到公园里让蜜蜂蜇了。

Joey

What?! What good is that gonna do anybody?

什么？！那算好事？

Phoebe

Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.

那蜜蜂在他朋友面前会很骄傲。蜜蜂很快乐，而我没得到甜头。

Joey

Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.

蜜蜂蜇了你，也许会死掉。

Phoebe

(Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)

（想了一会儿）哦，见鬼！（摔下电话）

Stage Director

Back on in 30 seconds people!

30秒后开拍！

(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)

（乔伊站起来，走到座位另一端，跟坐在那里的人说话）

Joey

Hey, excuse me, would you mind switching with me?

嘿，抱歉，换个座位好吗？

PBS Volunteer

Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man.

PBS志愿者：没门，我要上镜。

Joey

Come on man! You've been here all day!

你坐这里一整天了！

PBS Volunteer

Yeah, I-I'm taking pledges here, eh?

PBS志愿者：我在接受认捐。

Stage Director

We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)

3，2——（指向Gary Collins）

Gary Collins

Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer get into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to... (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)

Gary Collins：欢迎回来！如果您喜欢我们的节目《太阳马戏团》，并希望看到更多丰富多彩的节目，那非常简单——您要做的就是来电话认捐，告诉我们的志愿者接线员您喜欢的节目类型……（就在志愿者坐下时，乔伊把他拉倒在地）

Ross

(entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a...)

（走进来）好了，受够了，我下不了决心。太难，我任凭命运之神帮我安排。（他举起并开始摇晃一个……）

Monica

A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy!

神奇的算命8号球？开玩笑！怎能用儿戏去决定！

Phoebe

Ooh, it's not a toy.

那不是儿戏。

Ross

Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!

我不知道还能怎样！选妻子，就要失去一个老友；选朋友，就要在30岁前第二次离婚！你们有什么高招，讲出来好了，因为我什么主意也没有！别羞羞答答的，什么建议都可以。（无人回应）那好吧。神奇8号球，我该不再见瑞秋吗？（他翻过来读答案）迟点再问。这算什么答案！（他再摇一次，读答案）迟点再问。见鬼了！坏掉了！不灵了！

Monica

All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.

让我看看。（她抢过8号球）钱德今晚会嘿咻吗？（读答案）别指望。我认为它很灵。

Joey

(in an unenthusiastic voice) PBS Telethon.

（毫无热情的声音）PBS募捐节目。

Phoebe

(on phone) Hi Joey.

（电话里）嗨，乔伊。

Joey

Hey Pheebs!

嘿，菲比！

Phoebe

I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.

我要认捐，我要捐200元。

Joey

$200? Are you sure Pheebs? I mean, after what Sesame Street did to ya?

200元？你确定吗，菲比？《芝麻街》亏待过你啊。

Phoebe

Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.

我还在生他们的气，但他们给许多母亲还健在的小孩带去了欢乐。为表支持，我要做件好事，但我不快乐。所以，这就是无私的好事！

Joey

And you don't a little good about donating the money?

你捐了钱以后感觉不好吗？

Phoebe

No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.

很不好！我本打算存钱买仓鼠的。

Joey

A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks.

仓鼠？10元就能买到。

Phoebe

Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.

我看中那只可不便宜。

Gary Collins

(on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers...(He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!

Gary Collins：（电视上）看来我们超越了去年的捐款总额！谢谢观众！那笔捐款是我们一位志愿者接到的……（他走到乔伊坐的地方）哦！那是我们穿得最耀眼的一位——（乔伊站起来）乔伊·崔比昂尼先生！

Phoebe

Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feel---Oh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)

哦，看，看！乔伊上电视了！太棒啦！我的捐款让乔伊上电视了！我感到——哦，不！（意识到自己的好事让自己快乐，因此是自私的，惊恐地捂住嘴）

Chandler

(entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.

（走进来）听着，也许我之前表现得是有些过火，但我想要你知道，假如我是最棒的，都是你的功劳。

Monica

Keep talking.

接着说。

Chandler

I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH...MY...GOD.

遇到你之前，我一无所有。不信你打电话给我交往过的其他女孩打听打听——就几个电话，很快就打完了。但自从跟你好，自从我们在一起，天雷地火！

Monica

Really?

真的？

Chandler

Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!

哦，我的天！如果你不愿再跟我好，我能理解，但那是错的。我们太般配了！我们分开，天理不容！

Monica

Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my... When is Joey gonna be home?

既然如此？（她扔下清洁用品，跳进他怀里）哦……乔伊什么时候回来？

Chandler

Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.

我们做我们的，不要他在场。（她开始脱乳胶手套）哦，不，不，别！把手套留着。

Monica

But, I just cleaned the bathroom.

我刚打扫了卫生间。

Chandler

Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.

那取了手套吧。

Monica

Yeah. (She takes them off.)

好。（她脱掉手套）

(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)

（他把她抱到门口，打开门）

Chandler

All right, let's show them how it's done.

现在瞧我的厉害。

Monica

Okay.

好。

(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)

（他开始把她抱进走廊，但她的头撞到了门框）

Monica

Ow!

哦！

Chandler

Y'know that wasn't part of it?

我无意的！

Monica

I know!

我知道！

(He carries her into the hall.)

（他把她抱进走廊）

Rachel

(entering) Hi! Are you ready? We're gonna be late!

（走进来）嗨！准备好了吗？我们要迟到了！

Ross

For what?

什么事迟到？

Rachel

For Stella! Remember? She's gettin' her grove back in like 20 minutes.

去看《 Stella》！记得吗？她还有20多分钟就找回她的快乐了。

Ross

Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily.

我忘干净了。下次好吗？我在等爱米丽的电话。

Rachel

Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay!

当然可以。听说你不用去伦敦，真好！

Ross

It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff.

并没那么轻松，我们的关系还没有理顺。

Rachel

Like what?

哪方面？

Ross

Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants.

还有些问题，爱米丽有一些要求。

Rachel

Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.

跟我说说，也许我能帮得上忙。

Ross

No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help.

不，不，你帮不了我。我总得自己解决。

Rachel

Well, I-I know you can do that too. I'm just, I'm just saying if you need somebody to talk to... Hi!

我知道你自己能处理，但假如你想找人谈谈……嗨！

Ross

Thanks.

谢谢。

Rachel

Ross? Look, whatever this relationship stuff that Emily wants, just give it to her. Come on, the bottom line here is that you love her. So just fix whatever she wants fixed. Just do it. (The phone starts ringing.) I mean, you're gonna have to try. You'll just gonna hate yourself if you don't. (The phone keeps ringing.) Oh come on answer it! It's driving me crazy!

你爱她。满足她一切的要求就行了。总要试试。否则你会后悔。（电话铃响）快接电话，急死我了！

Ross

(answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. (Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not knowing what's going on.)

（接电话）喂。（听）亲爱的。（听）好的。嗯，是的，我一直在考虑你的要求，我答应你。（瑞秋竖起大拇指）你来纽约吗？（瑞秋想知道她说了什么，他竖起大拇指，她走过去拥抱他，一直不知道发生了什么）

Ending Credits

片尾

Monica

Never done that before.

从没试过。

Chandler

Nope.

没有。

End

结束