The One With Joey's Dirty Day

Phoebe

(holding a lure) So now, what is this now?

（拿着一个鱼饵）好吧，这是什么？

Joey

Guggly worm.

咯咯叫的虫子。

Phoebe

(laughs and picks up another lure) And this?

（笑着拿起另一个鱼饵）那这个呢？

Joey

Glow-pop giggly jammer.

呵呵傻笑的萤火虫。

Phoebe

(laughs harder) You make it so funny.

（笑得更厉害）你太搞笑了。

Monica

(not wanting to be left out, picks up something) Hey umm, what's this?

（不想被冷落，捡起一样东西）嘿，这个是什么？

Joey

(examining it) Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year. (Monica drops the sandwich)

（检查了一下）哦，去年剩下来的三明治。（莫妮卡扔掉了三明治）

Ross

(pretend fishing in the living room) Ohh, Geller's got one hooked! Ohh! Looks like a big one! Yeah, ohh! Ohh! (Swinging the rod back and forth) It's the classic struggle between man and---(swings the rod and knocks over a lamp.) Someone knocked over a lamp.

（在客厅假装钓鱼）哦，Geller有鱼上钩了，看起来不小呀！Yeah，哦！哦！（来回挥动鱼竿）这场争斗，是典型的，人和\...\...（挥动鱼竿打翻了一盏灯）有人把台灯撞到了。

Joey

(going over and picking up the rod) That's all right. Hey you guys, you know what's going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, I'm doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"

"Joey，你这辈子要怎么办呀？"的时候，我可以说："我正和Charlton Heston拍电影呢，你这辈子呢？"

All

Great!

说得好！

(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)

（钱德勒从卧室出来，非常沮丧，穿着运动裤，后面跟着小鸡和小鸭）

Chandler

You don't have to stop having fun just because I'm here. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)

你们没必要因为我来，就不继续开心了。Kathy并没有欺骗你们啊！（对乔伊）好吧，除了你！（他们拥抱，钱德勒走进浴室，小鸡小鸭跟着他）

Monica

Hey, Joey, I don't think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean it's only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?

嘿，Joey，我觉得你不该让Chandler一个人。你想，他和Kathy分手才2天呀。也许你可以下周去钓鱼？

Joey

Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now, he's still in his sweat pants, that's still Phase One. Y'know? I'll be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.

可是，现在我什么忙都帮不上。他还是伤心欲绝，这才是第一阶段呢。等到第二阶段的时候我就回来了，我永远也不会错过第二阶段的。

Monica

What's Phase Two?

第二阶段是什么？

Joey

Gettin' drunk and going to a strip club.

喝的烂醉，然后去看脱衣舞。

Rachel

How does going to a strip club help him better?

看脱衣舞对他能有什么帮助？

Ross

Because there are naked ladies there.

那里有好多裸体mm呀。

Joey

Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.

Oh！而且还可以帮他到达第三阶段，幻想自己和别的女人在一起。

Ross

There are naked ladies there too.

当然是没穿衣服的那种。

Joey

Yeah.

Yeah。

Chandler

(opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.

（打开浴室门，把小鸡小鸭踢出去）就让我清静一下，好么！？

OPENING CREDITS

片头 credits

Joshua

So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?

那么，这些和上周你给我选的夹克配吗？

Rachel

Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.

Um-hmm，很好嘛，就是它了。（约书亚转身照镜子，瑞秋盯着他的屁股）就这样，就是它。

Joshua

(turning around) Oh! You know what I need?

（转过身）Oh！你知道还缺什么嘛？

Rachel

Yeah!

Yeah！

Joshua

Gloves. Brown, leather dress gloves.

手套，棕色的毛手套。

Rachel

Oh, okay. Uhh, well let's see. (Grabs his hand.) You're about---well uh, this one is large. And this one---(Grabs the other hand.)

Oh，好吧，让我瞧瞧你的手，尺寸多大？（抓住他的手）嗯，这只很大么，这个呢？（抓住另一只手）

Joshua

Also large?

也很大？

Rachel

Yeah! Okay, two larges coming right up!

Yeah！好吧，两只大的马上就来！

Joshua

Okay.

好的。

Mr. Waltham

(entering) Rachel! Could I have a moment?

（进来）Rachel！你现在有空么？

Rachel

Yes.

什么事？

Mr. Waltham

I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from London---well Shropshire really but y'know---well she's about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if you'd like to keep her company this evening?

你瞧，我侄女刚从伦敦过来。说来唐突，不过，她正好和你一般大，我这里碰巧有歌剧《蝙蝠》的票，不知道你今晚能不能陪她去看呢？

Rachel

Sure. You got it. Great! Me, Fledermaus, great. I really---(motions to Joshua.)

当然可以了，没问题！算我一个！《蝙蝠》，太好了！ 不过我得 \...\...（示意约书亚）

Mr. Waltham

Ohh! Yes of course, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much.

Ohh！好的。谢谢你，谢谢你，太感谢你了！

Joshua

So...(Holds out his hands as to say, "Where are my gloves?")

好了么？（伸出双手，好像在说"手套呢？"）

Rachel

So? (She puts her hands in his, totally forgetting about the gloves, and hoping for something more intimate.)

什么？（她把双手放在他手里，完全忘了手套的事，期待更亲密的接触）

Joshua

Gloves?

手套？

Rachel

Ohh! Right! Right, sorry, I'll be right back!

Ohh！对了，对了，我马上回来！

Joshua

Uhh, actually y'know what, I kinda---I have to take off.

Uhh，其实我得走了。

Rachel

Oh.

Oh。

Joshua

But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?

不过，不知道你今晚有空么？

Rachel

No! Nothing!

有，当然有了！

Joshua

I invested in this night-club and it's opening tonight, would you like to come?

我投资了一家夜总会，它今晚开业，你想去看看么？

Rachel

Yeah! That would be great!

当然了！那太好了！

Joshua

You're into hardcore S&M right?

你S&M的狂热分子吧？

Rachel

(shocked) Well, I-I guess---I...

（震惊）其实，我\...\...

Joshua

Kidding! (Rachel is relieved) I'm gonna get there early, but I'm going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.

开玩笑的！（瑞秋松了一口气）我会早些到，然后把你列到V.I.P名单上，记得找我！

Rachel

Yeah, great, you betcha!

Yeah，好啊，那当然了！

Mr. Waltham

(entering) I almost forgot the tickets, didn't I?

（进来）我差点儿忘了给你票，是吧？

Rachel

What?

什么？

Mr. Waltham

For you and Emily, tonight, Die Fledermaus.

你和Emily，今晚《蝙蝠》的票。

Rachel

Oh. Oh, right.

Oh，是的。

Mr. Waltham

I think you'll like it, it has two out of the three tenors.

你们肯定会喜欢的，"三高"之二都有出场。

Rachel

Oh yay!

哦，是么？

Chandler

Y'know, I can't believe Kathy did this to me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on I'm never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna know what else is the one? My sweat pants!

真不敢相信，Kathy会这么对我。我把她当作是自己今生的唯一伴侣。好吧，算了，从现在开始，我再也不会离开这张椅子了！从现在开始，这椅子就是我的唯一！你们知道还有什么也是么？我的运动裤。

Ross

Come on, man! Just-just take the sweats off. Okay? Just take 'em off and we'll have some fun.

别这样，老兄！把裤子脱下来好么？快脱吧，我们来乐一乐！

Joey

(entering) Hey-hey!

（进来）Hey-hey！

Ross

Hi!

Hi！

Phoebe

Hey!

Hey！

Ross

Catch any big fish? (Phoebe, Ross, and Monica all go over to him.)

抓到大鱼了么？（菲比、罗斯和莫妮卡都朝他走过去）

Joey

Oh my God, you guys have no idea.

哦，天呀，你们肯定不信。

All

(they all recoil from the smell emanating from him) Oh! God! Wow!

（都被他身上的臭味熏得往后退）Oh！天呀！你好臭呀！

Monica

You stink!

你这是怎么了？

Ross

Are you kidding?!

开玩笑吧？！

Joey

Yeah, three days on the lake without a shower. Plus! I fell in that big tub of worms at the bait stand! Hey, how-how's he doing?

整整三天，待在湖上没洗过澡，而且，还摔倒放诱饵的盆子里去了。嗨，他怎么样了？

Ross

He hasn't gotten out of that chair in two days.

他已经两天没离开过那张椅子了。

Joey

(goes over to Chandler) Hey buddy! How's it going?

（走到钱德勒身边）嗨，哥们，怎么了？

(Chandler imitates retching and gets out of the chair.)

（钱德勒模仿呕吐，然后从椅子上站起来）

Joey

(To the rest of the gang) Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, I've got to go memorise my lines. (Starts to go to his bedroom) Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!

（对其他人）嘿，看见了么！他在等兄弟我回来呢。好了，我要去记我的台词了。（朝卧室走去）我和Charlton Heston明儿一大清早！Yeah-yeah！

Rachel

(entering) Hey!

（进来）Hey！

Ross

Hey!

Hey！

Rachel

Hey, Monica!

Hey，Monica！

Monica

Uh-oh, what's the matter?

Uh-oh，怎么了？

Rachel

Ohh, it's Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So... What are you gonna do?

Ohh，Joshua邀请我今晚去一家刚开业的高级夜总会。可我答应了Waltham先生，带他侄女去看什么破歌剧。唉，我能怎么办呢？

Monica

I don't know sweetie.

我也不知道，亲爱的。

Rachel

No! Help me!

不！帮帮我！

Monica

I can't! I have to work!

不行啊！我要工作！

Rachel

Phoebe?

Phoebe？

Phoebe

I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.

我倒是愿意，不过我晚上有妊娠反应。

Rachel

Ugh!

Ugh！

Phoebe

Unless! She wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.

除非！她想整晚都过不安生。

Rachel

Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this is---I have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Y'know the "Wouldn't it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?

Ohh，天哪，你们\...\...我必须去见Joshua，这是让他看到我令人开心一面的唯一机会。也许，他会想："要是Rachel是我老婆该多好呀！" Ohh，算了！Joey和Chandler还没回来么？

Monica

No, Chandler's still in Phase One, and Joey's that thing you smell.

没有，Chandler还在他的第一阶段，Joey身上的味道你总该闻见了吧？

Rachel

Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!

Ohh！Ohh！（意识到罗斯在房间里）Hi！

Ross

Hi!

Hi！

Rachel

So....

那你呢\...\...

Ross

No.

不行。

Rachel

Ohhhh, come on!!!

Ohhhh，帮帮忙！

(There's a knock on the door.)

（有敲门声）

Monica

I think she's here.

可能是她来了。

Rachel

No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!

别！等等！等等！Ross，求求你了！

Ross

You want me to take some girl I've never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.

你想让我带个素未谋面的女孩去看歌剧，而你，却可以去夜总会和别的男人调情，Hmm，这确实有点儿难决断。

Monica

(looking out the peephole) Ohh, she's looking down the hall. Oh! She looked right at me! Oh wait, you can't see people through that little hole, can you? (Goes back to the door.) Hello!

（从猫眼往外看）Ohh，她在四处张望。Oh！她正在看我！等等，这洞从外面看不进来，是吧？（回到门口）Hello！

Woman

Hello! (Monica screams)

Hello！（莫妮卡尖叫）

Rachel

I'll be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought we've gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?

我马上就出来！（对罗斯）Ross，求求你，帮帮忙吧！我们之间的事，都过去了，现在应该为了对方的幸福而感到高兴才是。难道只是我这样想么？

Ross

All right, I'll do it.

好吧，我答应你。

Rachel

Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Monica opens the door.) Emily?

谢谢！谢谢你，谢谢你！（莫妮卡开门）Emily？

Emily

Yes.

Emily：我是！

Rachel

I'm Rachel Green.

我是Rachel Green。

Emily

Thank goodness.

Emily：谢天谢地。

Rachel

There's been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that I'm not free tonight. So...

原本的计划有点儿小小的变化，我今晚突然有事，所以\...\...

Emily

Really?! Well, that's just lovely, isn't it? I must've missed your call, even though I didn't leave the flat all day.

Emily：是么？那真是太巧了，不是么？我肯定错过你的电话了，尽管我一整天都没离开过半步。

Rachel

Oh well, no I...

Oh 不，其实我\...

Emily

Oh, no-no-no, that's not rude! It's perfectly in keeping with a trip that I've already been run down by one of your wiener carts, and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport, apparently to you people, I look like someone who's got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.

Emily：不不不，你还算好啦！我这一路上，差点儿被你们运灌肠的大车撞倒，还在约翰·F·肯尼迪机场被人脱衣服搜身，对你们这里的人来说，我就像是过街老鼠一样，人人喊打。

Monica

I-I-I think you look great.

我-我-我觉得你还好呀。

Emily

Good night, it was very nice to meet you all. (Storms out.)

Emily：再见！真是高兴，能认识你们。（冲了出去）

(Pause)

（停顿）

Rachel

I'll get her.

我去追她。

Ross

Please hurry.

那还不去？

Phoebe

Don't you just love the way they talk?!

她们说话的方式真好玩。

Phoebe

Ohh!

Ohh！

Monica

What?

怎么了？

Phoebe

It kicked! I think the baby kicked!

踢我了，孩子踢我了！

Monica

Oh my God!

噢，上帝呀！

Phoebe

Oh no wait, oh no, the elastic on my underwear busted.

Oh 不，等等，糟糕，我内裤的松紧断了。

Joey

(running from his bedroom) Oh my God! I overslept! I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago! I gotta get out of here!

（从卧室跑出来）天哪，我睡过头了！半小时前就要到场的，我该走了！

Monica

Oh wait, Joey, you can't go like that! You stink!

等等，Joey，你不能这样就出去吧？臭死了！

Joey

Look, I know I fell asleep before I could shower and now I don't have time! They're just ten blocks away, if I run, I can make it.

没办法啊，我还没洗澡就睡着了，现在也没时间了。布景地只有10个街区远，我跑着去，或许还能赶上。

Monica

Yeah. Run ten blocks, that'll help the smell.

那是，跑10个街区，你的臭味就没了。

(He opens the door to reveal Rachel.)

（他开门，瑞秋在门口）

Rachel

Hey---whoa, slow down. (Gets a whiff of him) No, keep moving. (Joey runs off.) Wow!

嘿！你，慢点。（闻到他身上的味道）算了，快跑！Wow！

Monica

So? How did it go with Joshua last night?

昨晚和Joshua玩得怎样呀？

Rachel

Well, I didn't see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.

唉，我根本就没见到Joshua，不过，我倒是给了个女的脸上一拳。

Monica

What?

什么？

Phoebe

Why?

为什么？

Rachel

The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep.

昨晚糟糕透了，倾盆大雨，当我到的时候，名单上没有Rachel Green，只有Rachel Greep。

Phoebe

Ohh! So, did you get to meet her?

Ohh！那你见到她了么？

Rachel

No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "I'm Rachel Greep! I'm Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in.

没有，根本就没有Rachel Greep，可是有个女的听到了，她大声嚷嚷到："我就是Rachel Greep! 我就是Rachel Greep!" 然后他们就让她进去了。

Monica

So you hit her in the face?

然后你就朝她脸上打了一拳？

Rachel

No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I can't believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.

没有，她已经进去了，可是我后面那个肥娘们想偷我的伞，被我一拳揍在脸上。Ohhh！真不敢相信，我只是想在下班后见见Joshua。他可以和我走得更近，然后开始喜欢上我。

Phoebe

(going over to comfort her) Aww, Pheebs.

（走过去安慰她）噢，Pheebs。

Rachel

Honey, that's your name.

亲爱的，那是你的名字。

Phoebe

That's short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!

那是Phoebe的简称么？我一直以为我们用它来称呼彼此。

(Chandler enters from his bedroom.)

（钱德勒从卧室出来）

Monica

Hey! You're wearing pants!

嘿！你穿上外裤了？

Chandler

That's right! Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see some strippers.

是的，男人们都到哪里去了？我已经做好喝醉的准备，去看脱衣舞。

Monica

It's 9:30 in the morning!

可现在是早上9：30呀！

Chandler

They got a breakfast buffet.

他们那里有自助早餐的。

(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)

（电话铃响，莫妮卡接电话）

Monica

Hello. (Listens) Oh, hey Ross!

你好。（听）哦，你好Ross！

Chandler

Ooh, let me talk to him!

Ooh，让我和他讲话！

Monica

Oh-oh, my God!

Oh-oh，天呀！

Chandler

Well, can I just...

能不能让我\...

Monica

(to Chandler) Shh!! (On phone) Wait, what?

（对钱德勒）嘘！等会儿，什么？

Chandler

She's shhing me! It's my phone and she's shhing me!

她嘘我，这是我的电话，她还嘘我！

Phoebe

Shhh!! Please! What's he saying?

嘘！别说话！他说什么？

Monica

He's with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!

他和Emily在佛莫特州的一个旅馆。

Phoebe

What? Oh my God!

什么？哦，天哪！

Rachel

What? Who the hell is Emily---(realises) noooo!!

什么？Emily是谁？不\...\...

COMMERCIAL BREAK

广告时间

Rachel

They're in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms frantically and hits Chandler.)

他们在佛莫特！怎么会这样？（她疯狂地挥舞手臂，打到钱德勒）

Chandler

Ow!

嗷！

Rachel

How---how did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)

怎么会？他怎么会在佛莫特和那个妖精胡搞？（她又打到钱德勒）

Chandler

Maybe, she doesn't hit him all the time.

也许，她没有一直打他。

Ross

When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldn't be miserable? I'm telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.

我们初次见她的时候，她浑身湿透了，脚也是湿的，谁能比她更可怜？可当我给她换了双鞋之后，她完全变了个人。

Emily

(rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! There's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!

Emily：（冲进来）Ross！快来看！外面有支鹿在吃果园里的水果呢。

Ross

I've gotta go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)

我要挂了，外面有支鹿在吃果园里的水果。（他挂断电话跑出去）

Monica

He had to go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.

"外面有支鹿在吃果园里的水果。"

Rachel

I don't get this! She was horrible! (She hits Chandler, yet again.)

真想不通！她那么讨厌！（她又打到钱德勒）

Chandler

Okay, I'm going to go stand over there. (Points and moves into the living room.)

好吧，我站到那边去。（指了指，走到客厅）

Monica

Why do you care so much anyway?

你这么在意干嘛？

Rachel

I don't care! All right, y'know what I'm just upset that I'm getting nowhere with Joshua that---y'know what still, you do not meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont!

我才不在意呢。我只是有点儿心烦，因为我和Joshua还什么都不是。不过，这也太过分了。刚认识，就和别人飞到佛莫特去鬼混。

Monica

Well, when you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.

可是，你刚认识Barry的时候，还不是飞到Vail去了。

Rachel

Oh, y'know, would you just for once, not remember every...little...thing!! (Storms out.)

Oh，你能不能，就偶尔一次，不记得这些琐\...屑\...小事！！（冲了出去）

Chandler

So y'know, uh, when's he getting back?

你知道他什么时候回来么？

Monica

A couple of days.

几天后吧。

Chandler

Y'know, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)

我就料到会有这种事情发生的。（他开始脱裤子，露出里面还穿着运动裤）

Monica

What are you doing?! Chandler! You can't just go back a phase!

你干嘛？Chandler，你不能再退回到第一阶段！

Chandler

Yes you can. You're thinking about time, you can't go back in time.

我当然可以，你说的是时间，你不能让时光倒流。

Phoebe

Well, look, why don't you just, why don't you do your Phase Two strip club thing with us.

你为什么不，不继续你的第二阶段，和我们一起去看脱衣舞表演呢？

Monica

Yeah, come on, we can be guys!

是呀，来吧，我们可以扮男的。

Chandler

(laughs) No you can't.

（笑）不，你们不行。

Phoebe

Come on! Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys!

怎么了，不就是扮男的嘛，也许我们本来就想当男的呢！

Chandler

You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and wouldn't live as long. (Starts to go to his bedroom)

你们不会想当男的，男人浑身都是毛，而且活不长。（开始走向卧室）

Phoebe

Y'know you, you just stop being such a wuss and get those off and you come with us and watch naked girls dance around!!

你，你别再唧唧歪歪了，脱掉它，然后我们一起去看裸女跳舞。

Chandler

Okay. (Starts to cry)

好吧。（开始哭）

Phoebe

I'm sorry. (Goes and hugs him)

对不起。（走过去抱他）

Joey

(rushing in) Hey! Joey Tribbiani! I'm here! I'm here!

（冲进来）嗨！ Joey Tribbiani！我来了！我来了！

The A.D

Calm down, we got time, we're running a little late.

镇定一下，还有时间，我们开始地迟了一些。

(Just then, Charlton Heston walks out of his dressing room and starts eating a liquorice whip.)

（就在这时，Charlton Heston从他的化妆间走出来，开始吃甘草梗）

Joey

Look at that, Charlton Heston eating a liquorice whip!

瞧哪儿，Charlton Heston 在吃甘草梗。

The A.D

Yeah, we loves 'em. I've never seen him with---(He gets a whiff of Joey and starts smelling around.)

恩，他很喜欢的，我从没见过他\...\...（他闻到乔伊的味道，开始四处闻）

Joey

(trying to act like he's not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?

（假装不是自己臭）哇！这儿怎么了？什么味道这么难闻？

The A.D

You.

你呀。

Joey

Y'know, I can see why you think that, but ah, actually, you know who I think it is?

我明白你为什么这么想，不过，你知道实际上我怎么想的吗？

The A.D

You?

不是你么？

Joey

No-no, it's uh, it's Heston.

不 - 不是，其实上是，是Heston。

The A.D

What?

什么？

Joey

Yeah, the man wreaks! Smells like he went on a three day fishing trip and then ate some liquorice.

就是他身上的，闻起来像是去钓了三天的鱼，然后又吃了那么多甘草梗。

The A.D

There's no way he smells, he's the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.

不可能是他呀，他刚从更衣室里洗了澡出来。

Joey

Really, a shower huh? And uh, which-which room might that be?

是么？洗过澡了？嗯，是哪个房间来着？

The A.D

The one with "Heston" on it.

门上写着"Heston"的那间。

Joey

Interesting.

是么\...\...

Monica

(coming back to the stage and sitting next to Chandler) Okay, I've got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?

（回到舞台边坐在钱德勒旁边）好了，我这里有些一美元的纸币，你想把它们放到她的三角裤里么？

Chandler

No thanks, Mom!

不用了，谢谢，老妈！

(A man sits down next to Phoebe and lights up a cigarette.)

（一个男人在菲比旁边坐下，点起一支烟）

Phoebe

Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, 'cause I'm pregnant.

Oh，别，那个，你得把烟掐掉，因为我怀孕了。

The Cigarette Smoking Guy

(No, not the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files.) Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.

（不是《X档案》里的烟鬼）那你和你的孩子该到别的脱衣舞夜总会去了。

Phoebe

Ha-ha, it's not my baby, ha-ha-ha! (He leaves.)

呵-呵，这不是我的孩子，呵-呵-呵！（他离开）

(The dancer finishes and everyone claps.)

（舞女跳完，大家鼓掌）

Monica

Very good, (getting up and sliding a One into the dancer's hot pants) so good.

（起身把一美元塞进舞女的热裤）很好，表演的非常棒。

Phoebe

(doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.

（也这么做）我很喜欢，表演的非常棒。

Rachel

(joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didn't call. I mean you'd think he'd be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!

（加入他们）我刚查了留言，Joshua没打电话过来。难道我没去他的夜总会，他一点儿都不担心么？哦，更糟的是，Ross 却还在佛莫特逍遥快活！

Phoebe

Come on! Look where you are!!

别烦了，看看你们现在在那里！

Monica

(to the waitress) When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.

（对女招待）麻烦给我们每人一杯鸡尾酒。

Phoebe

Remember, a virgin for me please.

别忘了，我还要个处男。

Monica

Oh! And don't let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.

Oh！走之前别忘了告诉我地毯旁边那个帅哥的名字。

Chandler

Ahh, come on! Y'know what---y'know what, I think I'm just gonna go home and call Kathy.

哦，算了吧，我这就回家给Kathy打电话。

Phoebe

Well, if you think it will help.

如果你觉得会有帮助的话。

Chandler

No! That was a test! In a couple of hours I'm gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, I'm gonna get so drunk, I'm gonna wanna call Janice

不，我只是试试。几小时后我就会烂醉如泥，也许会给Kathy打电话，你们可一定要阻止我呀。然后，如果我醉的一塌糊涂了，说不定还会打电话给Janice的。

Phoebe

You should! How is she?

你确实该打了！她现在怎么样？

Chandler

Ohhh!!

Ohhh！！

Monica

I think somebody needs another lap dance. (Motions for one.)

我想有人肯定会觉得表演还不够过瘾。（示意再来一个）

Charlton Heston

Hello! Who's in there? (He opens the curtain to reveal a naked and wet Joey.)

Charlton Heston：Hello！谁在里面？（他拉开浴帘，露出又裸又湿的乔伊）

Joey

How ya doin'?

你好吗？

Charlton Heston

Who in the hell are you?

Charlton Heston：你到底是谁？

Joey

I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I was Kurt Douglas, huh?

如果我说是Kurt Douglas，你肯定不信，是吧？

Charlton Heston

Put some pants on kid so I can kick your butt.

Charlton Heston：穿上裤子，我要踢你屁股。

Joey

No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, I'm an actor, Joey Tribbiani, I'm doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.

别-别-别，等一下，你瞧，我是个演员。Joey Tribbiani，我今天和你配戏，可我太臭了\...\...

Charlton Heston

(shocked) You're in this picture?

Charlton Heston：（震惊）你也有戏？

Joey

Yeah-yeah, I'm one of the cops that won't work with you 'cause you're a loose cannon. Anyway, look, I'm really sorry, but I stink!

是，戏里你的倔脾气得罪了所有警察，我演警察甲。对不起，实在对不起，我太臭了。

Charlton Heston

Joey, right?

Charlton Heston：Joey，是吧？

Joey

Yeah.

是的。

Charlton Heston

(tosses him a towel, motions for him to get out of the shower and sits down on the couch) Every actor at one time or another---opp! (Joey tries to sit down next to him and Heston makes him sit somewhere else.) Every actor thinks he stinks, even Lawrence Oliver at sometimes thought he stank, Bob Redford won't even watch himself.

Charlton Heston：（扔给他一条毛巾，示意他走出淋浴间，坐到沙发上）每个演员总有时候会 \...\...噢！（乔伊想在他旁边坐下，Heston让他坐到别处）会觉得自己很臭，就算是Lawrence Oliver也一样，Bob Redford甚至都不敢正眼瞧自个儿。

Joey

Oh no-no-no, you don't understand...

噢，不-不-不，你没明白我\...\...

Charlton Heston

Listen to me!

Charlton Heston：听我说！

Joey

Oh yeah, yeah.

好的，好的。

Charlton Heston

I don't know one actor worth his salt that didn't say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!

Charlton Heston：我就不相信任何一个称职的演员，在他整个事业期里就从没说过："天哪，我太臭了！"我刚在外面演了一场戏，还不是弄得一团糟。可是，最重要的是你要记住的，不管你觉得自己有多臭，永远也别闯到我的更衣室来，用我的淋浴！你听明白了么？

Joey

Yes sir! Yes sir, I'm-I'm---(he starts to leave)

是的，是的，我这就\...\...（开始离开）

Charlton Heston

Wait a minute! Take your pants.

Charlton Heston：慢着，拿上你的裤子。

Joey

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

好的，好的。

Monica

So, we did okay at the strip club, right?

我们在脱衣舞夜总会表现得不错吧？

Chandler

Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!

Oh 是的，很好，谢谢你们！那里最性感的鸡尾酒女招待都想辞职去教三年级了。

Rachel

(entering) I can't believe it! He still hasn't called.

（进来）真不敢相信，他还没打电话过来。

Phoebe

Who, Josh?

谁？Josh？

Rachel

It's Joshua.

是Joshua。

Monica

What, he doesn't like Josh?

他不喜欢被人开玩笑么？

Rachel

No, I don't.

不，是我不喜欢！

Chandler

All right, well I'm gonna put my sweats back on.

好吧，我去穿回我的运动服。

Phoebe

Oh no! Wait! Wait! Okay, y'know what, you were right, you were right. We really weren't great at being guys, but you know why? Because we're girls.

Oh 别！等一下！好吧，你是对的，我们扮不好男人，可你知道为什么吗？因为我们是女人。

Chandler

Yeah?

Yeah？

Phoebe

And do you know what girls are really good at?

那你知道女人最擅长什么吗？

Chandler

Stripping!

跳脱衣舞！

Phoebe

No, listening! Sit! Y'know, maybe it would just really, really help if you would just talk.

不，是倾听！坐下来！也许只要你说出来，就会很有帮助的。

Rachel

Yeah, come on! What's going in on in there? (Pats his chest.)

是呀，说吧，你心里都在想些什么？（拍拍他的胸口）

Monica

Yeah. And y'know, if you wanna cry, that's okay too.

当然了，如果你想哭的话，也没问题的。

Chandler

Okay, look, I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave.

好了，也许我该让你们都离开一会儿。

Monica

Come on! Chandler!

别这样，Chandler！

Chandler

Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldn't picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)

哦，算了吧，我们努力过了，第三阶段注定无法实现。那些脱衣女郎都野性十足，可我就是无法幻想自己和她们中的任何一个。（厌恶地坐回去）

Monica

They really were pretty, weren't they? (Rachel and Phoebe both agree)

她们真的很漂亮，不是么？（瑞秋和菲比都同意）

Phoebe

Yeah, I really liked that fighter pilot one.

Yeah，我最喜欢那个救火笼驾驶员。

Monica

Oh, Candy! She was so spunky!

Oh，Candy！她火花四射！

Phoebe

Yeah.

Yeah。

Monica

Y'know, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) It'd, it'd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.

如果，我们想和女人在一起的话，那，那一定要找像Michelle一样的，她简直太，太姣美了。

Rachel

See, I don't know, for me it would have to Chantal.

是么？我到没这么想，如果是我，我会选Chantal。

Monica

Oh, Chantal!

Oh，Chantal！

Rachel

Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh...

哦，上帝呀！她的皮肤好光滑呀！当我把一美元塞到她G带里面，手轻擦过她大腿的时候\...

Chandler

(jumping up) Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!

（跳起来）第三阶段！我终于到了第三阶段！

Monica

Really?!

是么？

Chandler

I am totally picturing you with all those women!

我现在满脑子想的都是你们和那些女人们在一起！

Monica

That's-that's not Phase Three.

可，那不是第三阶段啊。

Chandler

Well, I'm there too!

不过，我也在里面！

Rachel

Well, are we all together? Like in a group?

哦，我们都在一起吗，像个团体似的？

Chandler

Stop it! You're killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!

别说了！你们杀掉我吧！我想我就要到达第四阶段了！

Phoebe

Oh! What is that? What is that?

Oh！那是什么？那是什么呢？

Chandler

Where I don't want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!

我什么关系都不想要！只想和那些脱衣女郎还有我的朋友们做爱！

Chandler

Come on, let me see that smile.

别这样，让我看看你的笑脸。

Joey

I don't wanna.

我高兴不起来。

Chandler

Please?

试一下！

Joey

I wanted to go to the strip club!

我想去脱衣舞夜总会！

Chandler

I know, I know, but you're gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.

我知道，你有的是机会，我可以毫不夸张地说，外面有成千上万的女人等着和我胡搞呢。

Joey

Yeah, all right. (Ross enters.)

是的，好吧。（罗斯进来）

Monica

Hey!

嗨！

Ross

Hey!

嗨！

Phoebe

Hey---ooh so, how was Vermont?

嗨，你在佛蒙特过得如何？

Ross

Emily is...incredible. I mean there-there are no words to describe it, I mean the whole weekend was like a dream. (Sees Rachel coming back from the bathroom.) Oh! And you! Rach!

Emily 简直是\...难以置信，我是说好得无法形容，整个周末就像一场梦。（看到瑞秋从洗手间回来）Oh！还有你，Rach！

Rachel

Oh, hey!

Oh，嗨！

Ross

Hey! You were so right!

嗨！你说得太对了！

Rachel

What?

什么？

Ross

Uh, what you said, about us being in a place where we could finally be happy for each other.

你说的，我们应该为彼此的幸福而高兴才是。

Rachel

Oh, hmm.

Oh，嗯。

Ross

I mean, I, I-I admit I-I wasn't quite there. Y'know, I mean the thought of you and that-that Josh guy...

我是说，我，我得承认开始并没有这样想。因为一想到你和那个叫Josh的小子\...

Rachel

Joshua.

Joshua。

Ross

Joshua...guy at that club, dancing and having a good time, the thought of it kinda...y'know.

叫Joshua的小子在夜总会，跳舞乐逍遥，那种感觉有点儿\...你懂么？

Rachel

Yeah, I...

是的，我\...

Ross

But now! I'm there! I'm totally there! I'm-I'm finally where you are!

可是现在！我完全想通了！我现在和你想法一样！

Rachel

Oh, thank goodness!

噢，谢天谢地！

Ross

Yeah, and-and thank you for Emily.

还要，谢谢你让我认识Emily。

Rachel

Oh, no problem. I'm so glad I could help. Happy for you. (She playfully punches him.)

Oh，没什么，我很高兴我能帮上忙，也为你高兴！（开玩笑地打他一拳）

Ross

Happy for you. (He punches her back.)

为你高兴！（打回去）

Rachel

No, happy for you! (Hits him harder.)

不！为你高兴！（打得更重）

CLOSING CREDITS

片尾字幕

Chandler

All right ladies, here's what we're gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandler's the king! Chandler's the king!"

好吧，女士们，我们马上将要做的是\...（指着一个脱衣舞女）你来脱掉我的衣服，（对另外两个）你们两个去把涂油拿来。（对另一个）你们只要用最大的声音不停地叫："Chandler吾王！Chandler吾王！"

Phoebe

I-I wanna be with her, (points to the stripper next to her) I like her.

我，我想和她在一起，我喜欢她。

Chandler

Oh, that's fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.

Oh，好吧！按本能自由选择，自由选择。

Monica

Wait, now, what am I doing again?

等一会儿，我要干什么来着？

Chandler

Come on! Would you please pay attention, I could wake up at any moment!

拜托！你能不能专心一点儿，我随时都有可能梦醒！

The Cigarette Guy

Hi, I'm Joshua, I'm here to pick up Rachel.

Hi，我是Joshua，我来接Rachel。

Rachel

No-no-no, that' not Joshua.

不-不-不，他不是Joshua。

Chandler

What do you want from me, I've never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, I'm sorry you can't stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandler's back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, I've got to wake up!

我又没见过他，管他的呢，Rachel，不好意思你得走了，我们其他的人还有好多要干呢！（抽烟男人开始揉钱德勒的后背）你在干什么？（男人只是点头）好了，听着，我得醒了！

END

结束