The One With Ross's Thing

Joey

Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.

要是我们的鸡鸭生小宝宝不是很酷？可以叫它查克。

Chandler

Or... Dick.

或狄克。（老二的双关语）

Ross

(entering) Hey.

（走进来）嘿。

Chandler and Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Ross

Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.

我要请你们帮忙。我刚才洗澡，正在洗身体时，发现一件事。

Chandler

Was it like a sneeze only better?

很像打喷嚏，但是感觉更爽？

Ross

No, no, I mean, I mean a thing on my body.

不是，是我身上长了东西。

Joey

(with a disgusted look) What was it?

（厌恶的表情）什么东西？

Ross

Well, I don't know, it's-it's kinda in a place that's not... It's not visually accessible to me, and I was hoping maybe you guys could-could help me out. (starts to take off his pants)

不晓得，它长在我不能……我看不到，我想麻烦你们帮我看一下。（开始脱裤子）

Chandler and Joey

Whoa!!!

哇！！！

Chandler

No!!

不要！！

Ross

Come on you guys, it's no big deal! (He turns around and shows him his thing.)

拜托，又没什么！（转身给他们看。）

Chandler

Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! (sees it) Huh.

哇……嗯。

Ross

Well what is it? Is it a mole? (He moves closer to them, and they jump back.)

是什么？是痣吗？

Joey

No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.

不是，太皱了，不是痣。

Ross

Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?

那是痘子吗？

Chandler

No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a...

不是，它比青春痘高级。你就去看医……

Rachel

(entering, interrupting them) Hey guys! What's... (sees what they're doing and stops, the guys are stunned)

（走进来，打断他们）嘿！你们在干……（看到他们在做什么，愣住了）

Chandler

Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter.

确定了，冬天还有两星期。

Ross

Ahhh.

啊。

Joey

Yeah, right.

没错。

(Rachel backs out with a confused look on her face.)

（瑞秋一脸困惑地退出去。）

Opening Credits

片头

Phoebe

(to her date) Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music. (points to the stage)

（对约会对象）这是咖啡馆，我都在这里表演。

Vince

Good deal.

漂亮。

Phoebe

Yeah, and these are my friends. People. This is Vince, Vince the people.

他们是我的朋友，各位，这是文斯。文斯，我的朋友。

Rachel

Hi!

嗨！

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Vince

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Vince is a fireman.

文斯是消防员。

Rachel

Wow! Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before?

你从燃烧的大楼里救过人吗？

Vince

98 hot saves, highest in the force.

九十八次，队上第一高。

Chandler

Well, y'know if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.

要是乔伊和我玩火柴，就可以让你累积到一百。

Vince

(dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.

（正经八百）孩子，不能拿火灾开玩笑。

Chandler

You're right, I know.

你说得对，我知道。

Vince

(to Phoebe) Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. (kisses her) See you Saturday. (leaves)

（对菲比）我要走了，晚上要值班。（吻她）星期六见。（离开）

Phoebe

Okay. (watches him leave)

好。（看着他离开）

Rachel

Wow, he's cute, Pheebs! But I thought you just started dating that Kindergarten teacher.

菲比，他好可爱！但你不是刚和那个老师交往？

Phoebe

Oh, Jason? Yeah, uh-huh, we're seeing each other tonight.

杰森？我们晚上要见面。

Rachel

What-Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.

菲比？脚踏两条船？你不像这种人。

Phoebe

I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Y'know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Y'know? Y'know, this kind've like y'know oat-sowin', field-playin' juggler.

我也知道我在游戏人间，我在玩弄别人，搞七捻三。我是搞七捻三的花心萝卜。

Joey

So Pheebs, do they know about each other?

他们知道对方的存在吗？

Phoebe

Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.

狗狗念书时，嘴唇会动吗？（乔伊一脸茫然，看钱德和瑞秋，他们也不懂）他们不知道。

Ross

(entering) Hey guys!

（走进来）嘿！

Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Rachel

Hi!

嗨！

(He goes over and sits down at the counter, all depressed.)

（他走到吧台坐下，很沮丧。）

Joey

(going over to him) Well?!

（走过去）各位？！

Chandler

(joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?

（加入）医生怎么说？

Ross

Well, he said there's definitely nothing to worry about, it's totally benign.

他说不用担心，是良性的。

Joey

Well what is it?!

是什么？

Ross

He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.

他根本说不出来。他只说是一种皮肤异常。更糟的是他说，由于无法辨认，他不愿意为我切除。

Chandler

Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.

你应该去找我的医生，我带着第三个乳头去找他时，他直接就把它给切了。我蛮幸运的，虽然比不上天生两个乳头的人。

Ross

At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name.

至少他们知道你长了什么，你的有名字。

Joey

Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."

“咳，他长了一个罗斯。”

Ross

(sarcastic) Yeah, that'd be cool!

（讽刺地）是啊，真酷！

Monica

Pete's breaking up with me.

彼特要跟我分手。

All

What?!

什么？

Monica

I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.

我刚才听留言，他说等他回来“我们得谈一谈”。

Rachel

And?

然后呢？

Monica

Well that's it. People never say `We need to talk' unless it's something bad.

就这样。没有人会说“我们得谈一谈”，除非是坏事。

Joey

Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.

那不一定代表他要跟你分手。

Monica

Really?!

真的？

Joey

Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.

也许他只是对你不忠。

Jason

...and I know I'll never miss doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool knowing that you're making a difference in a kid's life.

这么做没有好处，但我还是很高兴，我改变了一个孩子。

Phoebe

That is so great! Oh, I... (sees that a parked car near them has caught on fire) Oh my God!

真好！哦……（看到附近一辆停着的车着火了）天哪！

Jason

Whoa!

哇！

Phoebe

(the fire has worsened) Oh my God!!!

（火势更大）天哪！天哪！

Jason

Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!

赶快通知消防队！

Phoebe

(stopping him) No! No!

（拦住他）不必找消防员吧。

Jason

No, no?

不？

Phoebe

Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. (hears the sound of approaching sirens) Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here!

应该找好的黑手来。（听到警笛声靠近）他们来了，快逃！

Jason

W-w-w-wait! Why?!

等一下，为什么？

Phoebe

Well look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one. Okay? (she drags him away)

要是我想看消防员，我会找消防员约会。（拉他离开）

Ross

Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off!

只是一个多出来的乳头，很普通的第三个乳头，你可以把它切掉，直接切掉！

Dr. Rhodes

Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?

把上衣脱掉让我看一下。（罗斯开始脱裤子）你在干什么？

Ross

Just showing you my run-of-the-mill-slice-it-right-off third nipple.

让你看那个非常普通、可以直接切掉的乳头。

Dr. Rhodes

Well that's not a third nipple.

这不是第三个乳头。

Ross

No?

不是？

Dr. Rhodes

First of all, it's on your ass.

首先，它长在屁股上。

Ross

Well then, what is it?!

不然是什么？

Dr. Rhodes

Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?

等一下。（走到门口开门）詹森，来一下。

Dr. Johnson

I'm with Hamilton!

我在跟汉弥顿讲话。

Dr. Rhodes

He's good with rear things, bring him in too.

他对怪东西很在行，叫他也来。

Monica

(starting to get up) I gotta go water Pete's plants. (stops) Y'know what, if he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.

（起身）我得去帮彼特浇花。（停住）如果他想分手，我就不浇了。

Chandler

Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants. If y'know what I mean.

如果他要分手，干脆让乔伊和我去“浇”。

Joey

Or ha-ha, we could go over there and pee on them.

或者……我们可以去对着花盆撒尿。

Phoebe

(entering with Rachel) ...and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.

（和瑞秋走进来）我受不了了，我好怕会被捉到，我快疯了。

Rachel

Well honey, then why don't you break up with one of them?

何不跟其中一个分手？

Phoebe

(disgusted) Uh.

（厌恶）嗯。

Joey

Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?

你不是在游戏人间？

Phoebe

Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.

现在不像游戏了，比较像工作，我好像在做田野调查。

Rachel

So Pheebs, pick one of them.

那就选一个。

Monica

Yeah. Which one do you like more?

你比较喜欢哪一个？

Phoebe

Well, Vince is great, y'know `cause, he's like a guy, guy. Y'know? He's so burly, he's sooo very burly. (giggles)

文斯很棒，他是男人中的男人，他好壮，真的好壮。（咯咯笑）

Joey

Okay, good, so there you go. Go with Vince.

好，那就选文斯吧。

Phoebe

Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive.

但是杰森好感性。

Chandler

Well sensitive is important, pick him.

感性很重要，选他。

Phoebe

Yeah.

是啊。

Joey

Oh sure, go with the sissy.

听娘娘腔的话。

Phoebe

Jason is not a sissy!

杰森才不娘娘腔。

Joey

Oh no-no-no-no, I meant Chandler.

我是说钱德。

Ross

Y'know I have dinner plans!!

我晚上有约！！

Dr. Rhodes

Thank you soo much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've-I've-I've been practicing medicine for twenty-three years, and I'm stumped.

谢谢各位临时赶来。各位先生、女士，我行医23年，现在却被难倒了。

(He removes the blanket covering the thing.)

（他掀开盖在上面的布。）

All

Whoa. (they all lean in to get a closer look, Ross isn't pleased)

哇。（都凑近看，罗斯很不高兴。）

Monica

Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! (the lights turn on automatically, but are very bright) Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! (they dim) Oh, see you just need to find the right command.

这里是书房。你们看哦，灯光！（灯自动亮了，但是很亮）少一点光……不好的光……灯光走开！（灯暗了）看到了吗？下对指令就行了。

Ross

Yes, and the dimmer switch.

也可以用调的。

Joey

Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.

他那么有钱，电视还真小。

Monica

No-no-no, that's a video-phone. But hey guys you're not supposed to be here, so please, do not touch anything.

那是视讯电话。你们不能来的，所以不要乱碰。

Chandler

(sitting down on the couch) I-kea! This is comfortable.

（坐在沙发上）宜家家俱，好舒服。

Rachel

(entering with Phoebe) This place is amazing.

（和菲比走进来）这里太高级了。

Phoebe

God, that is the nicest kitchen.

那个厨房好棒。

Monica

I know.

我知道。

Phoebe

No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day.

我说真的，冰箱还会祝我今天愉快。

Joey

Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook.

你们看，百万富翁的支票簿。

Monica

Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it)

乔伊，放下！（电话响）天哪，是彼特，快出去！视讯电话要怎么接？（站到前面，它自动接通了。）

Pete

Monica? (the gang ducks and hides)

摩妮卡？（大家蹲下躲藏。）

Monica

I guess that's how.

原来是这样。

Pete

Hey Monica, how's it going.

摩妮卡，你好吗？

Monica

Oh it's umm, good! It's umm, it's good, just here watering the plants.

很好，我来帮你浇花。

Pete

Well don't forget that ficus over there by Rachel.

别忘了瑞秋旁边那一盆。

Rachel

(standing up) Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!!

（站起来）钱德在沙发上！

Pete

I see him, you guys are just the worst hiders ever.

我看到了，你们还真不会躲。

All

(standing up) Hey Pete.

（站起来）嗨，彼特。

Joey

Hi, how ya doing?

你好吗？

Monica

Ahh, Pete, the other day when you said you needed to talk, umm, just so I know, is it good news or bad news.

那天你说要找我谈一谈，请问是好消息还是坏消息？

Pete

Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. (clicks his remote) (to his other call) Hey, how's it going?

好消息，绝对是好消息。等一下，有另一通电话。（按遥控器）（对另一通电话）你好吗？

Monica

Oh no-no-no, it's still me.

还是我。

Pete

Ah, no it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. (to other caller) Yeah. (listens) Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call you back later. (pause) Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back.

不，不是。我这里有子画面。（对另一通电话）好，我再回你电话。（停顿）摩妮卡？是你。我再回你电话。

Monica

Oh, oh, okay umm, so I'll see you soon.

改天见。

Pete

Okay, I love you.

好，我爱你。

Monica

I love you.

我爱你。

All

I love you, love you.

我们也爱你。

Monica

Okay. Well, it's good news. It's good news.

是好消息，是好消息。

Chandler

So, what do you thing the good news is?

你想是什么好消息？

Joey

(looking at the checkbook) Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. (Monica is stunned) Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?

（看支票簿）你们看！他开了一张五万元的支票给一位戒指设计师。（摩妮卡愣住了）对不起，你想是什么好消息？

Monica

Oh my.

天哪。

Rachel

Monica's gonna marry a millionaire!!!

摩妮卡要嫁给百万富翁了！

Ross

Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom!

赶快打给妈，打给妈！

(Pete's computer automatically calls Mom, Pete's Mom.)

（彼特的电脑自动打给彼特的妈妈。）

Pete's Mom

Hello.

你好。

Monica

And that's Pete's Mom.

那是彼特的妈妈。

(The gang quickly hides again.)

（大家又赶快躲起来。）

Commercial Break

广告

Rachel

Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, "Look how much money we've got!" Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean it'll be dry, but people will like it.

你得办一个主题婚礼，主题可以是“看我们多有钱啊”。你可以在喜帖里放钱，你可以用钱做成餐具，第一道菜可以上钞票沙拉。虽然干了点，绝对受欢迎。

Monica

Would you stop? We've only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we don't even know if he's gonna propose.

别再说了。我们才交往两星期，也不知道他会不会求婚。

Chandler

Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? He's not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys that's like a third or fourth date kinda thing.

他是彼特，跟别人不一样。你们第一次约会就去罗马，对其他男人来说那是第三、四次约会的事。

Monica

Well if-if that's what it is, then it's-it's crazy.

如果他要求婚，那就太夸张了。

Ross

Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here. Okay? She-she can't just rush into this.

摩妮卡说得对，这可是婚姻大事，她不能说嫁就嫁。

Rachel

Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian!

你懂什么？你娶了一个女同志！

(Joey laughs, Ross glares at him, and Joey stops.)

（乔伊大笑，罗斯瞪他，乔伊停住。）

Phoebe

All right. I gotta go. I have break up with Vince.

我要走了，我要去跟文斯分手。

Chandler

Oh, so you're going with the teacher, huh?

你选了那个老师？

Phoebe

Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, it's just Jason's so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive it's just better than having just like a really, really, really nice (pause) butt. (Her eyes glaze over thinking about the butt.) (pause) Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!

我很喜欢文斯，但杰森好感性。长期来说，感性应该比……身材很猛来得好。杰森，绝对是杰森。祝我好运！

All

Good luck!

万岁！

(pause)

（停顿）

Rachel

OH MY GOD!!! (She holds her hands up in triumph and the gang all look at her.) Sorry, I was just imagining what it'd be like to catch the money bouquet.

我的天哪！（她高举双手摆出胜利姿势，大家都看她。）对不起，我在想像接到钞票捧花的感觉。

Phoebe

Excuse me. Umm, is Vince here?

抱歉，文斯在吗？

Fireman

Oh sure. Vince?!

在。

Vince

Yo!! (slides down that pole that fire station's have)

哟！（从消防队的滑杆滑下来。）

Phoebe

Wow! I didn't know you guys actually used those.

我不晓得你们会真的滑下来。

Vince

So, what's up?

什么事？

Phoebe

Umm, wow. This-this isn't gonna be easy. Umm, I don't think we should see each other anymore.

这件事很难启齿。我们还是别再见面了。

Vince

Uh-huh. G-good deal.

很好。

Phoebe

I'm sorry.

对不起。

Vince

No-no it's okay. It's just that ah, I thought we had something pretty special here. And y'know I-I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to, and... (starts choking up) That there's so much in me I have to share with you yet.

没关系。我还以为我们之间很特别，我终于找到可以倾诉的对象，我还有好多事没跟你分享。（硬咽）

Phoebe

Oh my God, I didn't...

天哪，我不知道你……

Vince

(starting to cry) I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm gonna go write in my journal. (walks away)

（开始哭）抱歉，我说不出话来了，我要去写日记。（走开）

Phoebe

(running after him) Wait-wait-wait! Wait!!

（追上去）等一下！

Phoebe

(to Ross) I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.

（对罗斯）你如果想解决那个问题，就去找我的药草师。

Ross

Thank you, but I want to remove it Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.

谢了，我是想切除不是想做成香料。

Monica

Y'know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.

女生发现情人身上长了怪东西，都会跟朋友广播。

Ross

Gimme this. (Grabs the herbalist's card and leaves.)

拿来。（抢过药草师的名片离开。）

Rachel

(entering) Hi! Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist.

（走进来）别生我的气，我就是忍不住。

Monica

Brides magazines?

《新娘杂志》？

Rachel

Yes, and I know that you'd say no if he asked you, but I'm sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin. (shows her the picture.)

我知道你不会答应求婚，但是穿这套唐娜凯伦走红毯会有多美啊。（给她看照片。）

Phoebe

(gasps) Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. (They both look at her.) Like for clubbing.

（倒抽一口气）一定会很美，不结婚也要买。（两人都看她）可以穿去俱乐部。

Monica

It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know it's a little sudden, and it's a little rushed, and it's totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesn't mean I can't. Right? I mean I'm-I'm crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.

很奇怪，我说过不会答应。但是今天早上……我躺在床上想像说“愿意”的感觉。（瑞秋惊讶地把杂志合上。）我知道有点突然，也很匆促，我也不是会做这种事的人，但我可以这么做，对吧？毕竟我那么爱彼特，我们追求同样的东西。当我想到说“愿意”的感觉，我觉得很快乐。

Rachel

Oh my God. (starting to cry)

天哪。（开始哭）

Monica

I know. (pause) I need more pie. (goes and gets some)

我知道。（停顿）我还要派。（去拿派。）

Phoebe

Hey Mon umm, if you do get married, can I bring two guests?

要是你真的结婚，我可以带两个人去吗？

Rachel

You didn't break up with that fireman?

你没跟消防员分手？

Phoebe

No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out he's incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.

我就是这个意思。原来他非常感性，他写日记，还画画。他还为我画了一幅炭笔画。

Rachel

Wow!

他比较想用水彩画，但是手边有很多黑炭。

Phoebe

Yeah, well he'd prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.

那你要甩掉杰森吗？

Monica

So then, are you going to dump Jason?

对，我总得跟其中一个分手。

Phoebe

Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and... Okay so Jason is sensitive, (holds up one finger) but now so's Vince (holds up one finger on her other hand) Plus, Vince has the body y'know? (holds up two more fingers on the Vince side) So... It's really just about the math.

杰森很感性，但文斯也是，而文斯又有身材，所以……这是算术问题。

Phoebe

(knocks on the door) Jason?

（敲门）杰森？

Jason

Yeah, come on in.

请进。

(She goes in, and sees Jason without his shirt. It turns out that he has a great body too, and is at a loss for words.)

（她走进去，看到杰森没穿衬衫，原来他的身材也很好，她一时说不出话来。）

Jason

So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?

你在电话里的语气很严肃，出了什么事吗？

Phoebe

Nah-ha!

没有。

Guru Saj

You must be Ross.

你一定是罗斯。

Ross

Hi.

你好。

Guru Saj

I am Guru Saj. (takes the drawer back and replaces)

我是萨吉大师。（把抽屉放回去）

Ross

Listen, I got to tell you I've-I've never been to a guru before, so...

老实说，我没找过大师所以……

Guru Saj

Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, I've attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America.

放轻松，我在中部念过很好的医学院。

Ross

Huh.

这样你比较安心了吧。

Guru Saj

Well then, let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, it's a koondis!

来看看你的皮肤异常吧。（示意检查台）请坐。（看它）跟我想的一样，是昆度斯！

Ross

What's a koondis?

什么是昆度斯？

Guru Saj

I don't know, what's a koondis with you? (starts laughing as if that joke was funny, Ross only looks at him, and he stops) Please, lie down! I've got a salve that oughta shrink that right up.

不晓得，对你来说是什么？（得意地笑起来，罗斯只是瞪他，他停住）请趴下。我有一种药膏可以让它缩小。

Ross

I guess it's worth a try.

值得一试。

Guru Saj

Oh sure, we should see results -- Whoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off)

那当然，效果应该……哇！！显然不能这么做！（赶紧擦掉）

Ross

What?! What?!

为什么？

Guru Saj

We appear to have angered it.

我们似乎惹火它了。

Ross

We?! We angered it?!

我们惹火它了？

Guru Saj

Oh, I think I see the problem. And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool. (Ross gives him a `What?' look) Love.

我看到症结了，我们得动用更有力的手段——爱。

Ross

Oh God!

拜托。

Guru Saj

(He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to...

（他的手在“东西”上方绕圈）它绝对不可能脱落，除非你用……

Ross

Ow!!

啊！

Guru Saj

Oops.

哎呀。

Ross

What was, what was that?

怎么了？

Guru Saj

Well it's gone.

它掉下来了。

Ross

What?! How's that?

怎么会？

Guru Saj

It got caught on my watch.

被我的手表刮掉了。

Ross

Hey! (congratulates him)

嘿！（向他道贺）

Pete

Lights. (The lights turn on, once again they're too bright.) Uh, romantic lights. (The lights dim.)

灯光。（灯亮了，又太亮）浪漫的灯光。（灯变暗。）

Monica

Ooh, nice.

真好。

Pete

So ah, there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about.

我说过有事情要告诉你。

Monica

Oh, right! I completely forgot about that.

对喔，我都忘了。

Pete

Well ah, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life...

我最近想了很多，我检讨我的人生……

Monica

Yeah?

然后呢？

Pete

And I feel like I've conquered the business world, and I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world.

觉得我已经征服了商场，我已经征服了知识界，现在又拥有世界上最美的女人。

Monica

Wow.

哇。

Pete

There's one thing missing.

但是还有一个缺憾。

Monica

What's that?

什么缺憾？

Pete

It's time for me to conquer the physical world.

我该征服体育界了。

Monica

Okay. (not sure of herself)

嗯。（不太确定）

Pete

Monica, I want to become (pause) the Ultimate Fighting Champion.

我想成为……终极格斗冠军。

Monica

You wanna what?!

你想怎样？

Pete

I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!

我想成为终极格斗冠军！那是全世界最激烈的体能竞技，在四十九州被禁！

Monica

What are you talking about?

你在说什么？

Pete

Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.

我的教练正在教我……截拳道和巴西街头搏击，我还请人设计了专用的八角训练场。

Monica

And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.

所以你找了设计师（戒指字同拳击场）。

Pete

Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?

我要你在最前排看我赢得胜利，我要你近得可以闻到血腥味。你意下如何？

Monica

My parents will be so happy.

我的父母会很高兴。

Phoebe

(singing) "Crazy underwear, creepin' up my butt. (Jason enters) Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under- (sees Jason) -wear..." (In her head) Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. You'll get through this; you'll be fine. (She tries to continue the song, but she has lost the ability to pronounce words, and the lyrics come out as gibberish.) (giving up on the song) Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.

（唱）“疯狂的内裤，爬上我的屁股。（杰森走进来）疯狂的内裤，总是一成不变。疯狂的内裤……”（心里）他来干什么？继续唱，你会安全过关，不会有事。（她想继续唱，但已经说不出话，歌词变成胡言乱语）（放弃）谢谢大家，依照惯例演唱完不要跟我说话。

(They all applaud her.)

（大家鼓掌。）

Jason

(going up to her) Hey. I was...

（走过去）我刚好路过……

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Jason

I was passin' by and I saw that you were playing tonight, it's kinda cool seeing you up there. (kisses her)

看到你在表演，你在台上的感觉好棒。（吻她）

Vince

(running over) Whoa! Hey-hey! What's going on here? Who is this guy?

（跑过来）怎么回事？他是谁？

Phoebe

I don't know, he just started kissing me. Get him! Get him, Vince!

我不知道，他突然跑来亲我。快捉住他！

Vince

What?!

什么？！

Jason

What?!

什么？！

Phoebe

Yeah, okay, I've-I've been dating both of you, and it's been really horrible. 'Cause y'know it's been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didn't know how to choose, so... I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm terrible, I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible.

我同时跟你们交往，这种感觉很差，因为……实在很过瘾。你们两个我都喜欢，我不知道该选谁。对不起，我很差劲，我太差劲了。

Vince

Phoebe, Phoebe relax, it's okay. I mean we never said this was exclusive.

别这样，没关系，我们又没说只能跟彼此交往。

Jason

Yeah, and neither did we. Give yourself a break.

我们也是，你别太自责。

Phoebe

Really?!

真的？

Jason

Yeah. I mean y'know, we haven't been going out that long. Come on, we haven't even slept together yet. Huh.

我们交往的时间又不长，甚至还没上过床。

Vince

You haven't?

你们没有？

Jason

You have?

你们有？

Phoebe

Well, this is none of my business. (starts to walk away)

这是你们的问题。（要走开）

Jason

(to Phoebe) I-I can't believe this! You-you've slept with him?!

（对菲比）我真不敢相信你跟他上床了？

Phoebe

Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.

我陪你在公园吃过烛光晚餐啊。

Jason

Y'know Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real easy for you. (walks out)

我来替你省掉一个麻烦。（走出去）

Phoebe

(to Vince) Well, that could've been really awkward.

（对文斯）幸好没有太难看。

Vince

You made him a candle light dinner in the park?

你陪他在公园吃烛光晚餐？

Phoebe

Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, I'm gonna do that for you.

我也可以陪你吃，我会陪你吃。

Vince

Uh yeah, I can't believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area. (walks out)

我居然跟一个……在林木区点火的人交往。（走出去）

Closing Credits

片尾

Chandler

(comforting the duck) Everything's gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?

（安慰小鸭）不会有事的，好吗，狄克？

Guru Saj

(entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj- (sees the duck) -Whoa!! (to Joey) That's supposed to be a duck right? 'Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.

（走进来）你们好，我是萨吉大师——（看到小鸭）哇！（对乔伊）他是鸭子吧？否则……就超出我的能力范围了。

Joey

Yeah, yeah. He's got a, he's got a really bad cough, and our vet, he can't do anything about it. Is there something you can do?

他咳得很严重，兽医治不好。你有办法吗？

Guru Saj

Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?

我看看，我看看。你能让他吃下蝙蝠吗？

(The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)

（小鸭在乔伊手中拼命拍翅膀想挣脱。）

End

结束