The One With the Race Car Bed

Ross

So I told Carl, 'Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.' But of course this went in one ear and out.....

我告诉卡尔，没有人可以爬恐龙，父母再有名也一样。可想而知，他是左耳进……

Rachel

I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.

我最喜欢他的认真了。要是我眯起眼睛就能把他看成亚伦·艾达。

Monica

Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?

帅啊，又在讲恐龙的事。这些事什么时候才会绝种？

Chandler

If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.

如果我是一个会飞还会隐形的超级英雄，那就太棒了。

Gunther

What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.

瑞秋到底看上他哪一点？我爱瑞秋，真希望她是我的老婆。

(Joey is singing in his head.)

（乔伊在脑海里唱歌。）

Phoebe

Who's singing?

谁在唱歌？

Opening Credits

片头

Ross

Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.

你们小时候扮家家酒都扮成什么？我都当爸爸。

Monica

I was always Joanne.

我都当妈妈。

Joey

Question. Was ah, 'Egg the Gellers!' the war cry of your neighbourhood?

请问“蛋洗盖勒家”是你们社区的团结口号吗？

(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janice's ex-husband, comes on TV.)

（床垫大王的广告出现了，他是珍妮丝的前夫。）

Phoebe

Ewww! Oh! It's the Mattress King!

呃！是床垫大王！

Joey

Booo!!

嘘！

Chandler

(to Janice) Don't look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!

（对珍妮丝）别看，亲爱的。赶快转台！赶快转台！

Janice

Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.

等一下，我想看。等我跟他离了婚，有一半的王国将属于我。

Mattress King

(on TV) 'Despair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I'm so depressed I'm going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I'm going medieval on prices!'

（电视里）“床垫卖场愁云惨怖。我的王国突然失去皇后。我是如此沮丧，我决定将价格砍到最低！各位请看！大型床垫只要599，有枕垫的中型床垫只要499。我的价格非常中古！”

Chandler

What a wank!

那个小人！

Janice

Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.

他居然拿我们的离婚来促销。

Monica

I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And I'm appalled for you by the way.

有枕垫的床垫只要499，谁管你离不离婚？那些床垫自己都能卖。（大家都瞪着她）还有，我很为你生气。

Mattress King

(on TV) I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.

（电视里）卖场最近，价格最低！我是床垫之王。

Rachel

'Okay. (listens) Okay, daddy we'll see you tomorrow night. (listens) Okay bye-bye.' (hangs up)

“好的。（听）好，老爸，我们明晚见！（听）好，再见。”（挂断）

Ross

We?

我们？

Rachel

Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.

明晚要跟我爸吃饭，没问题吧？

Ross

Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.

糟糕，明天不方便。我应该会从帝国大厦掉下来，跌到没有座垫的脚踏车上。抱歉。

Rachel

Ross, my father doesn't hate you.

罗斯，我爸并不讨厌你。

Ross

Please, he refers to me as 'wethead'.

拜托，他管我叫“油头”。

Rachel

But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.

亲爱的，他都叫别人的绰号。好，就一顿饭，一个晚上，为了我。我只是想让他像我一样爱你。（罗斯看着她）好吧，也许不能像我一样，不过如果你肯来，我就穿那件黑色性感内衣好好爱你。

Chandler

(leaning in) I'll go.

（凑过来）我去。

Ross

Fine.

好吧。

Rachel

Thank you.

谢谢。

Ross

Hi Gunther.

阿甘。

Gunther

Yeah, we'll see!

等着瞧！

Joey

(entering) Hey, you guys!

（走进来）嘿，大家好！

Phoebe

Hey!

嘿！

Joey

Guess what?

你们猜怎样？

Ross

What?

什么？

Joey

I got a gig!

我有头路了！

All

Yay!!

好耶！

Chandler

See, that's why I could never be an actor. Because I can't say gig.

所以我当不成演员，我不会说“头路”。

Phoebe

Yeah, I can't say croissant. (realises) Oh my God!

我不会说“可颂”。（意识到）天哪！

Monica

What's the part?

是什么角色？

Joey

Well, it's not a part, no. I'm teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.

不是角色。我要去函授学校教“连续剧演技”。

Ross

Come on! That's great.

很棒啊！

All

Wow!

哇！

Joey

Yeah, yeah. It's like my chance to give something back to the acting community.

我可以藉此机会回馈演艺界。

Ross

Y'know you're probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.

你应该不能跟学生上床。

Joey

(glares at him) I know!

（瞪他）我知道！

Phoebe

Ugh! I don't know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband, that's like betraying Chandler.

我不晓得。光是来这里，感觉就很怪。跟珍妮丝的前夫买床铺，就像在背叛钱德。

Monica

Not at these prices.

这种价格耶。

Phoebe

(sees a little kid playing with a race car bed) (to kid) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and she makes the 'that went right over your head' motion) Woo!

（看到小孩在玩赛车床）（对小孩）嗨。在英国这辆车应该在店的另一边。（小孩只是盯着她看，她做了“听不不懂”的手势）呜！

Monica

(lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.

（躺在一张床垫上）哦！哦！菲比，过来。这就是我的新床铺，你一定要感受一下。

Phoebe

Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandler's your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.

摩妮卡，我还是觉得怪怪的。钱德是你的朋友……（跳上床）哦！我的天哪！买吧，朋友可以再交。

Joey

Good evening. I'm Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you don't have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.

晚安，我是崔比亚尼老师。我将教大家“连续剧演技”。在我参与《我们的岁月》演出拉莫瑞医生的第一天，我学到演连续剧时很重要的一点，就是“回应”。意思不是“回去反应”，而是你没有台词但可以听别人讲。就像这样。（表情凝重片刻，然后倒抽一口气，学生们欢呼）谢谢，谢谢。还有，先说明一点，如果想演连续剧，有些同学得让自己变漂亮。好，继续往下讲。

Joey

Hi!

嗨！

Phoebe

Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?

嘿！昨晚课上得怎样？

Joey

Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, 'Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you.'

“打铃并不代表下课，我说下课才能下课。”

Phoebe

Ooooh, nice.

真好。

Joey

Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.

还有，我要去《我的孩子们》试镜。

Phoebe

Oh, yay!

好耶！

Joey

Yeah, it's this great part, this boxer named Nick. And I'm so, so right for it, y'know, he's just like me. Except he's a boxer, and has an evil twin.

是一个很棒的角色，拳击手尼克。我超适合的，他跟我一模一样，除了他是拳击手，还有一个坏蛋双胞胎。

(There is a knock on the door.)

（敲门声。）

Phoebe

Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is this huge black delivery guy.)

哦。（去开门，一个高大的黑人送货员。）

Guy

Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?

咚咚咚！床垫大王送货来了。盖勒小姐吗？

Phoebe

Okay.

好。

Guy

Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)

请签收。（递给她写字板）

Phoebe

Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. It's that bedroom there. (points to Monica's room)

我有中间的名字吗？好吧，摩妮卡“费露拉”……盖勒。抬到那个房间。（指着摩妮卡的房间）

Joey

Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?

摩妮卡跟床垫大王买床？

Phoebe

Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.

所以，求求你，不要告诉钱德。

Joey

You want me to lie to Chandler?

你要我骗他？

Phoebe

Is that a problem?

有问题吗？

Joey

No.

没问题。

Phoebe

Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let's see what you got. All right ya, put 'em up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)

拳击手尼克，露两手来瞧瞧。拳头举起来。（两人开始对空拳击）

Joey

Hey, you're ah, pretty good at this.

你蛮有架势的嘛。

Phoebe

Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some of the young men weren't acting Christian enough.

我非学不可！我住在基督教青年会时，有些男生不像基督徒。

Joey

Ahh!

啊！

(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)

（乔伊挥拳轻点菲比肩膀，菲比回敬一拳打中鼻子。）

Joey

Hey now!

别闹了！

(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joey's nose, causing it to bleed.)

（菲比又一拳，正中乔伊鼻子，流鼻血了。）

Joey

Hey!!! Oww!! And I'm bleeding.

喂！！！啊！！我流血了。

Phoebe

Oh! Oh! Oh!

哦！哦！哦！

Joey

Okay, great.

帅啊。

Phoebe

Wow! And I'm a vegetarian! All right, all right, well I'm sorry, we'll put some ice on it.

哇！我是素食者耶！对不起，来冰敷吧。

Joey

Okay.

好。

Phoebe

'Kay, put your head back.

把头仰起来。

Joey

All right. I can't see.

我看不到。

Phoebe

All right, I have ya. Oh God.

我来牵你。天哪。

Guy

Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?

盖勒小姐，要抬进哪个房间？

Phoebe

Oh, it's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.

靠窗有洁癣的那一间。

Guy

Gotcha. (he and his helper walk in carrying the racecar bed.)

知道了。（他和助手抬着赛车床走进去。）

Rachel

Hi Daddy!

爸！

Dr. Green

This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.

位子被排在这里？厨房挤不下了吗？你好，宝贝儿。

Rachel

You remember Ross.

记得罗斯吧。

Dr. Green

Um-hmm.

嗯哼。

Ross

Nice to see you again Dr. Green.

葛林医生，又见面了。

Dr. Green

So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) How's the library?

所以……（两人都想坐瑞秋旁边，格林医生成功。）（对罗斯）图书馆还好吗？

Ross

Ugh, museum.

是博物馆。

Dr. Green

What happened to the library?

那图书馆呢？

Ross

There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.

没有图书馆。是有图书馆，只不过我没在图书馆做过事。

Dr. Green

You know what's really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.

知道这里的名菜是什么？龙虾。我直接点三客吧。

Ross

Yeah, if you're really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.

如果你很饿的话。（格林医生瞪他）那是在开玩笑。

Rachel

Yeah, actually Daddy Ross is allergic to lobster.

其实罗斯对龙虾过敏。

Dr. Green

What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.

谁会对龙虾过敏？我猜是图书馆员。

Ross

It's not a library...

不是图书馆……

Dr. Green

(interrupting him) I know!! It's a museum! What, you're the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I don't know to the waiter.)

（打断他）我知道！是博物馆！只有你可以开玩笑吗？至少我的很好笑。服务生，两客龙虾，一份菜单。（对罗斯点头，对服务生嘴型说“我不知道”。）

Ross

So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat.

葛林医生，你的船好吗？

Dr. Green

They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?

生锈了。你知道生锈会怎样？

Ross

It gives it a nice antiquey look.

让船看起来很古雅。

Dr. Green

(he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.

（瞪他）锈是船的癌症，罗斯。

Ross

Wow. I'm sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel giggles at that)

我真遗憾。我小时候就这样失去了一台脚踏车。（瑞秋笑了）

Dr. Green

Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.

失陪一下，我想在离开之前去问候莱文家的人。

Rachel

Okay.

好。

Ross

Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)

好！（拿起刀假装刺心脏）

Rachel

Aw honey stop! It's not that bad.

亲爱的，别这样，没那么糟。

Ross

Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad must've added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.

（看到账单）啊！你爸一定算错了，他只给了4％的小费。

Rachel

Yeah. That's Daddy.

是啊，爸就是这样。

Ross

That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.

爸就是这样？你不困扰吗？你是服务生耶。

Rachel

Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.

我的确很困扰。如果他常来，我会在他的咖啡里加胡椒。

Ross

So?

所以呢？

Rachel

So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.

所以……我跟他说过几千遍了，他就是不改。

Ross

You really serve people sneezers?

你真的会在咖啡里加胡椒？

Rachel

Well um, I don't.

不会。

Dr Green

You kids ready?

孩子们，可以走了吗？

Ross

Thanks again, Dr. Green.

葛林医生，再次谢谢你。

Dr. Green

All right.

好了。

(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isn't looking.)

（罗斯趁格林医生没注意，把20元钞票塞到账单下面。）

Dr. Green

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.

等一下，我忘了拿收据。

Ross

Oh, ah, you don't need that.

不要拿了。

Dr. Green

Why not?

为什么？

Ross

The carbon, it's messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.

复写纸很脏，会沾到手指，引发夜盲症。

Dr. Green

(gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?

（拿起收据，看到20元）这是什么？谁放了20元？

Ross

Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, it's a sickness really.

是我。我有一个毛病，我给的小费太高了，这是一种病。

Rachel

Yeah it is, it is. (to Ross) We really, really have to do something about that.

对。（对罗斯）我们得想个办法。

Ross

I know.

我知道。

Dr. Green

Excuse me, you think I'm cheap?

你觉得我很小器？

Rachel

Oh Daddy, no he didn't mean anything by that, he really didn't.

爸，他没有那个意思，真的。

Ross

Nothing I do means anything, really.

我做的事都没有意义，真的。

Dr. Green

This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, I'll tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)

真好啊，我花200元请客，你只放了20元就成了大人物。你那么想当大人物？这样吧，钱都给你出，大人物。（撕掉账单，扔向罗斯，离开）

Ross

Well Mr. Big Shot is better than 'wethead'.

“大人物”总比“油头”好。

Joey

Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it' (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.

现在教你们几个诀窍。我演戏一向哭不出来，所以要是我得哭，我就把口袋挖一个洞，放一把镊子在里面，然后开始拔毛。如果我想表现……刚做了坏事的感觉，就秀出基本的“我爱眉毛上的鱼钩”的表情。（挑眉，假装有鱼钩）要是我听到一个坏消息，只要心算232除以13就行了。（一脸困惑）就是这样。今晚的课上得很愉快，下课。

Student

Hey, Mr. Trib.

崔老师。

Joey

Hey-hey.

嘿。

Student

Guess what, I got an audition!

你猜怎样？我要去试镜了！

Joey

Awww, one of my students got an audition. I'm so proud.

我的学生要试镜了，我好骄傲。

Student

I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?

能不能请您指导我？

Joey

You bet! What's the part?

当然可以，是什么角色？

Student

Oh it's great, it's a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.

那个角色很棒，是《我的孩子们》里的拳击手尼克。

(Joey does the '232 divided by 13 bad news' look.)

（乔伊做出“232除以13”的坏消息表情。）

Commercial Break

广告

Rachel

You had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't just leave it alone.

你就一定要鸡婆。

Ross

Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.

才4％，就算菜里有虫，我给得都比较多。

Rachel

Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. (Ross groans and rubs his neck) Oh, would you just see my chiropractor, already.

罗斯，今晚是让你们好好相处。（罗斯呻吟，揉脖子）快去找我的按摩治疗师好吗？

Ross

Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to school in a mini-mall.

是啊，一个没念过医科的治疗师。

(they go into Monica and Rachel's, and see Phoebe hopping around.)

（他们走进摩妮卡和瑞秋家，看到菲比跳来跳去。）

Ross

Hey Pheebs, what are you doing?

菲比，你在干什么？

Phoebe

I'm, I'm freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldn't have! All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?

摩妮卡睡觉时还是会开灯吗？

Rachel

Um. yeah.

嗯，会。

Phoebe

I am soo dead. (goes to Monica's room)

我死定了。（走进摩妮卡的房间）

Rachel

All right, look, here's the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.

以目前的情况，赶紧补救还来得及。我找他明天来吃早午餐，你可以示好。

Ross

Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't work.

我示好过了，没有用。

Rachel

Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here.

我知道我爸很难相处，所以你一定要比他大方。

Ross

Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn't make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say 'Like me! Like me tiny doctor!'

“喜欢我吧，小医生！”

Rachel

Okay, well can't you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For me?

你就不能再试一次吗？就当是为了我。

Ross

Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay we're never gonna get along.

吃早午餐也不能解决什么。面对现实吧，我们合不来。

Rachel

Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I don't wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)

你们非合得来不可。我已经有一对无法共处一室的父母了，我不想再多你一个！（开始哭）

Ross

Okay, okay, okay. (hugs her) I'll get the bagels.

好，好，好。（拥抱她）我去买焙果。

Monica

(sees the bed) What's this?

（看到床）这是什么？

Phoebe

Isn't it cool! Varoom! Varoom!

很酷吧！呜！呜！

Monica

This is not the bed I ordered!

这不是我订的床！

Phoebe

I know, you must've won like a contest or something!

我知道，你一定是赢了什么比赛！

(Phoebe starts to make a sound like a car accelerating)

（菲比开始学汽车加速声）

Monica

Phoebe!

菲比！

(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)

（菲比学急刹车声）

Monica

Why is this car in my bedroom?

这辆车为什么在我的房里？

Phoebe

I'm sorry, okay, I-I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it...

对不起，我没有注意。他们说，不肯接受退货，因为你签收了……

Monica

When did I sign for it?

我什么时候签收了？

Phoebe

When I was you! Y'know what, it's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!

当我是你的时候！都是乔伊不好，他没护住鼻子！

Monica

Did you make brownies today?

你今天吃了布朗尼吗？

Chandler

Knock, knock.

有人在吗？

Monica

(to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he won't notice the bed.

（对菲比）快脱衣服，他就不会注意到床。

Chandler

Hey, I'm going for sushi does anybody want.. (enters and sees the bed) Whoa-whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.

我要去吃寿司，有人要……（进来看到床）哇哇，有人忘了下交流道吗？

Phoebe

It's Monica's bed. What?

这是摩妮卡的床，怎样？

Chandler

Okay. (to Monica) It's a racecar.

（对摩妮卡）这是一辆赛车。

Phoebe

So. This has always been Monica's bed, what you're just noticing now, how self-involved are you?

摩妮卡的床一直都是这张，你现在才发现？你还真自我中心。

Chandler

Okay, well if this bed isn't new, how come there is plastic on the mattress?

如果这不是新床，床垫上为什么有胶膜？

Monica

Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers her, her hand to comfort her.)

我有时候会做恶梦。（开始崩溃，菲比伸手安慰她。）

Student

Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, that's not gonna be me, not me.

我刚看到我的死党脑浆溅在画布上，我不要跟他一样，我不要。

Joey

Wow! That was good. That was... (points to his pocket) Tweezers?

太精彩了，太……（指口袋）有镊子吗？

Student

No.

没有。

Joey

Whoa. That was really good.

太精彩了。

Student

Thanks, any suggestions?

您有什么建议吗？

(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)

（乔伊脸上露出邪恶的表情。）

Chandler

You told him to play the boxer gay!!

你叫他演成同性恋！

Joey

Well, I-I might've said supergay.

我说的应该是……“超明显”。

Chandler

You totally screwed him over.

你把他给毁了。

Monica

Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean how could you do this?

你是他的老师，怎么能这样？

Joey

Because, Monica, the guy's so good, and I really, really want this part.

因为他演得太好了，我真的很想拿到这个角色。

Phoebe

Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay.

要是你真的很想，那就没关系。

Rachel

(opening the door) Hi Daddy.

（开门）爸。

Dr. Green

Baby. Ross.

宝贝儿。罗斯。

Ross

Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr. Green puts his scarf on it.)

葛林医生，你好吗？（伸手，格林医生把围巾放在他手上）

Dr. Green

Thanks for dinner last night.

谢谢你昨晚请客。

Ross

Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.

谢谢你给我上了宝贵的一课。

Dr. Green

Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?

好帅的发型，你是游泳来的吗？

Ross

(to Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.

（对瑞秋）够了，我受不了了。

Rachel

What? What? He's interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.

怎么了？他喜欢你的发型，想知道你是怎么来的。

Ross

Oh, please. Sweetie it's hopeless, okay, I'm just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)

没有用的。我要走了。（揉着脖子要走）

Rachel

What?!

什么？

Ross

Look, look I'm sorry. It's just that....

对不起，我实在……

Dr. Green

Ross? What's with the neck?

罗斯？你的脖子怎么了？

Rachel

He's got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...

他的脖子不舒服。我一直叫他去找我的按摩师……

Dr. Green

You're still going to that chiropractor, that man couldn't get into medical school in Extapa!

你还在找他？他连乡下的医学院都考不上！

Ross

Thank you! That's what I keep saying.

谢谢！我一直这么说。

Rachel

Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.

巴比医生是个很好的医生。

Ross

Uh.

嗯。

Dr. Green

Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?

等一下，他叫巴比医生？

Rachel

Well that's his last name.

那是他的姓。

Ross

And his first name.

和他的名字。

Dr. Green

He's Bobby Bobby?

他叫巴比巴比？

Rachel

It's Robert Bobby.

是劳勃·巴比。

Dr. Green

Oh.

哦。

Rachel

And um, excuse me, he helps me.

而且很抱歉，他把我医好了。

Ross

Oh-ho please. Ask her how?

拜托！你问她。

Dr. Green

What do you need help for?

你哪里有毛病？

Rachel

With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other.

我歪一边，有一条腿比较短。

Dr. Green

Oh God!

天哪！

Ross

Argue with that.

跟她辩辩看。

Rachel

What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.

本来就是，我的右腿短了两寸。

Dr. Green

Come on! You're just tilting! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!

拜托！你只是没站直！（对罗斯）她的腿没问题！

Ross

I know that!

我知道！

Dr. Green

So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?

那你为什么让她去？

Rachel

I'm sorry, let her?

“让她”？

Ross

What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance either.

她连承租保险的事都不听我的。

Dr. Green

Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!

慢着，你没有承租保险？

Rachel

No.

没有。

Dr. Green

Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!

要是遭小偷，你要用长短脚追吗？

(Both he and Ross start laughing)

（两人都笑了起来）

Ross

Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?

你要喝果汁吗？

Dr. Green

I'd love some juice. Thanks.

麻烦你。

Ross

Okay. (to Rachel) Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?

（对瑞秋）真顺利，你看到我们了吗？

Rachel

Yeah honey, I'm standing right there! Why didn't you just tell him about the mole I haven't got checked yet.

看到了，我就站在旁边！你怎么不提我那颗痣的事？

Ross

Excellent!

好主意！

Joey

(sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And I'm ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, he's got a two year contract opposite Susan Lucci, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.

（难过地）有一天，在你们的事业生涯里，你们会有机会毁掉另一个连续剧演员。前不久，我就有这样的机会。很惭愧的是，我也做了。我建议另一位演员把一个角色演成同性恋。我们都去应征那个角色，结果是……他们喜欢同性恋的演法，选了他。现在，他拿到两年的合约，要和苏珊·鲁奇合作，日间电视剧的女王。而我呢，我困在这里教别人演戏，大多数人丑到根本上不了电视。对不起，对不起，谢谢。（学生们热烈鼓掌）

Jester

Uh, may I help you?

有什么需要吗？

Monica

Yeah, I talked to you on the phone, I'm the lady that got stuck with the racecar bed.

我就是被硬塞一张赛车床的人。

Jester

Look, it's like I told you, there's nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.

我跟你说过了，我无能为力。你签收了“摩妮卡·费露拉·盖勒”。

Joey

All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.

我们要见床垫大王。

Jester

Nobody sees the king!

没有人可以见大王！

Joey

Oh-ho-kay, I'm talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)

好，那我要找他说话。（往后面房间走）

Jester

Hey! You can't go back there!

你不能到后面去！

(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)

（乔伊走到门边，透过窗户看到珍妮丝和她前夫床垫大王在接吻。）

Janice

Oh my God.

我的天！

(Joey fakes a scream.)

（乔伊假装尖叫。）

Closing Credits

片尾

Chandler

Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin'! (honks the bed's little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, I'll leave. My bed's so boring.

呜……嘿！小心点，小姐！呜……（假装急刹车）嘿，美女！（按床上的小喇叭）呜……（看到瑞秋，停下）好，我走。我的床好无聊。

End

结束