The One After the Superbowl part 1

Commercial Voiceover

Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...

无法摆脱工作的压力？那就来一杯……猴子乐啤酒吧……

Commercial Voiceover

...With MonkeyShine Beer. [MonkeyShine theme] MonkeyShine Beer, 'cause it's a jungle out there.

猴子乐啤酒。猴子乐啤酒，因为外面是一片丛林。

Ross

That commercial always makes me so sad.

那个广告总是让我悲从中来。

Joey

Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.

但是那个家伙一开啤酒，女人就拥上来了，所以最后一切还好的。

Ross

I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel.

我的意思是那只猴子让我想到了马赛。

Phoebe

I can see that, 'cause they both have those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty chin.

我看得出来，它们都有棕色的大眼睛，还有鼓鼓的小下巴。

Monica

And the fact that they're both monkeys.

而且它们都是猴子。

Ross

Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, ya know, giving him away.

有时候我怀疑我是不是做错了，不应该把它送走。

Rachel

Oh, Ross, you had to, I mean, he was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbi that will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.

你是不得已的啊，看到什么东西都要上。我的马里布芭比娃娃结婚不能穿纯洁的白纱了。

Ross

Remember when sometimes he'd borrow your hat, and, and when you got it back there'd be little monkey raisins in it?

记得有时它会跟你们借帽子，等你要回来的时候里面会有小小的猴子“葡萄干”？

Chandler

Yeah, well sure, when he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat. . . all of the sudden I have this big attitude problem.

它干的就叫好玩，如果我对我老板这么做的话，突然就变成了我的态度不好。

Opening Credits

片头

Joey

Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got.

你们看，猜我有什么？

Chandler

Rhythm?

韵律感，对不对？

Joey

No, my first fan mail.

不是，第一封影迷信。

All

Alright!

好啊！

Monica

[reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my eyelashes.'

随函附上了我十四根的睫毛。”

Rachel

Ya know, in crazy world, that means you're married.

在疯子的世界里，那就表示你结婚了。

Monica

This wasn't addressed to Days of Our Lives, this is, this came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it, this woman was in our building.

这不是寄到制作单位的，这是直接送到你家去的。上面没有邮票，她去过我们的大楼。

Joey

Oh my god, I got my very own stalker.

我的天啊，我有我自己的变态影迷了。

Ross

Hey guys.

各位。

All

Hey.

嘿。

Phoebe

Ooh, where are you off to, Travelin' Jake?

你上哪儿去了？

Ross

Well, there's this, uh, paleontology conference in L.A. so I figured I'd go and then drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.

因为洛杉矶有一个古生物学研讨会，我会去，然后开车到动物园给马赛一个惊喜。

Chandler

You know I think he will be surprised, 'till he realizes he's a monkey, and uh, you know, isn't capable of that emotion.

我想它会很惊喜的，直到它发现它是猴子，它根本就没办法有那种情绪。

Rachel

Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.

菲比，那个可爱的家伙又来了。

Phoebe

Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh, now.

好了，所以大家要笑，假装我在讲故事给你们听，故事非常的好笑。

Phoebe

I know, I know. [to Rob] Hello.

我知道。（对罗伯）你好。

Rob

Hi. I'm Rob Dohnen.

我叫罗伯杜南。

Phoebe

Hi Rob Dohnen.

罗伯杜南。

Rob

I don't know anything about music, but I think you're really, really great.

我对音乐一窍不通，不过我觉得你非常棒。

Phoebe

Oh, wow.

哦，哇。

Rob

Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?

我在替市里的儿童图书馆安排艺人的演出，我在想，你有没有想过为小孩子演唱你的歌呢？

Phoebe

Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.

我好想要小孩哦……听我演唱我为他们写的歌。

Joey

Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?

你今天晚饭做什么？

Chandler

Well we could just stay in and cook for ourselves. [both laugh hysterically]

我们可以留在家里吃自己啊。（两人歇斯底里地大笑。）

Chandler

Hello.

喂。

Erica

It's Erica.

我是艾丽。

Joey

Ah, the stalker.

变态影迷。

Erica

Never mind, it's open.

没关系，门没关。

Chandler

[Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.

（乔伊抓起一个平底锅）对，用平底锅打她是个好主意。不过，我们应该想点别的，以防她不是卡通人物。

Joey

Let's get out of here.

离开这里。

Chandler

The one time they're not home.

偏挑这个时候不在。

Joey

OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met.

我们走时在楼梯上碰到的时候，她不会知道是我，因为我们没有见过啊。

Chandler

That's how radio stars escape stalkers.

那是收音机明星的方法。

Joey

She's comin'.

她来了。

Erica

It's me.

是我。

Joey

Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?

就这样了，我们就这样死的。预备好了？

Chandler

Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]

等等……（打开手中洗洁精的盖子。）

Erica

Hi.

嗨。

Joey

Erica.

艾丽。

Lipson

Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you had a question.

嗨，黎迪恩，我是这里的行政组长，听说你有个问题，是不是？

Ross

Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.

我似乎找不到我去年捐的猴子，它是一只戴帽猿，名字叫做马赛。

Lipson

Ahh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on.

我恐怕有个坏消息要告诉你。马赛它已经过世了。

Ross

Oh my God, what happened?

天哪，怎么会呢？

Lipson

Well he got sick, and then he got sicker, and then he got a little better but then he died.

它生病了，然后它病得很重，然后它突然好了一点，然后就死了。

Ross

I can't believe this.

我真不敢相信。

Lipson

I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.

“猴子难免一死”。不是很好的俗语，用在今天却很贴切。

Ross

Well, ya know, someone should have called me.

那应该有人通知我才对啊。

Lipson

I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.

对不起。我知道这不能够让它复活，这是我一点心意，请收下。

Ross

Zoo dollars?

动物园礼券？

Lipson

Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.

对，四点请过来看一看乌秀金刚鹦鹉戴帽子。你的猴子没死的话会可爱多了。

Kids

Ooohhh.

哦。

Phoebe

I know.

我知道。

Monica

I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.

真不敢相信乔伊去跟他的变态影迷吃饭，她长得怎么样？

Chandler

Well, you remember Cathy Bates in Misery?

你还记得“战栗游戏”里面的凯西贝兹吗？

Rachel and Monica

Yeah.

嗯。

Chandler

Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.

她长得跟她完全相反。

Rachel

And she's not crazy?

那她不是疯子吗？

Chandler

Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.

不，她的完全秀逗了，她以为乔伊真的是雷崔克医生。

Rachel

Oh my God.

我的天哪。

Monica

Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He can not persue this.

然后他还要去跟她约会？他不能这么做的。

Chandler

Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.

就因为这个女人以为她可以在她的客厅黑盒里面看乔伊，并不表示她就不是人啊。我是说，她应该得到快乐，也应该得到爱呀。你们看我干什么？想上那个疯子的是乔伊。

Rob

You OK?

你还好吧？

Phoebe

No, uh-uh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their underwear.

不，我只是很紧张。如果我幻想他们只穿内衣。

Rob

That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.

不，那个主意不好，上个家伙就是那样被开除的。

Phoebe

I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?

我只是习惯为大人演唱。大人只是边喝咖啡边做他们大人做的事，小孩呢，会专心听。我觉得这个责任好重大。怎么了？你要亲我吗？

Ross

I was thinkin' about it.

我正在考虑。

Phoebe

OK. [they kiss] OK, alrighty, let's play some tunes. Hi everybody, I'm Phoebe.

那好。（他们接吻）好耶，咱们来些音乐。各位，我是菲比。

All

Hi Phoebe.

嗨菲比。

Phoebe

OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK.

现在我要唱一首关于祖父母的歌。

[singing] Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes,

（唱）奶奶走到哪里都大受欢迎，

she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike.

她送你火车跟一辆簇新单车。

But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner,

但最近她不再来共进晚餐，

And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.

上回你看到她时她看起来瘦多了。

Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,

你妈跟你爸说她搬去秘鲁，

but the truth is she died and some day you will too.

事实上她死了，有一天你也会。

La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...

啦啦啦……

Erica

Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing?

崔克，这真是太好了，是啊。

Joey

Yeah it is. . . what?

没错。怎么了？

Erica

Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little while ago you were reattaching someone's spinal cord.

现在我们轻松地坐在这儿，但不久前，你还在重注西蒙的脊髓。

Joey

Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.

是啊，那实在不简单。事实上，那个手术要花上十几个钟头，可是他们只播了两分钟而已。

Erica

Who's they?

“他们”是谁？

Joey

No one.

没有啦。

Erica

Oh Drake, you are so talented, let me see those hands. Oh these hands, these beautiful hands, oh I could just eat them. . . but I won't.

崔克，你真有才华，让我看看那双手。这双美丽的手，真想吃掉它们，但我不换。

Joey

Good, otherwise my watch would fall off. [laughs hysterically]

不然我的手表一定会掉下来。（歇斯底里地大笑。）

Erica

No, seriously. These hands. These miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one?

不，说真的，这双手，救人无数，创造奇迹的手。只要靠近，抚摸，或许甚至舔一只就好了？

Joey

Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.

好吧，一只就好了。（她非常用力地舔他的手。）你很行耶。

Waiter

Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor?

天哪，来人哪，他噎住了。这里有没有医生？

Erica

Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore.

沙仑市最好的医生就在这儿，雷崔克医生。

Janitor

Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes.

你十五分钟之后到夜行馆等我。

Ross

Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?

少来了，我不喜欢跟别的男人那样。要动物园礼券吗？

Janitor

It's about your monkey. It's alive.

我要告诉你有关你猴子的事，它还没死。

Erica

I don't understand, why didn't you help that man?

我不懂，你为什么不救他？

Joey

Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.

因为我是神经外科医生，他显然是患了……“食道阻塞症”。好吧，听着，我要坦白一件事。

Erica

No, no no no, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Ooh, who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Remore?

不，你什么都不用告诉我，你不用向我解释什么。我算老几啊，竟然敢怀疑伟大的雷医生。

Joey

But that's what...

可是……

Erica

I should just be happy to be near you.

能接近你，我就该满足了。

Joey

Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]

黑，我……（她用吻打断他。）

Erica

Hey what?

嘿什么？

Joey

That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.

就那样，只是嘿，像结束了一首舞那样，嘿。（她开始轻咬他的手。）嘿，嘿嘿。

Phoebe

[singing] There'll be times when you get older, when you'll want to sleep with people just to make them like you. . . But don't. Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody. That's another thing that you don't wanna do.

（唱）有一天你们会长大，你们会想跟别人上床，只为博得他们欢心，但是不要，因为那是另一件你不要做的事。那是另一件你不要做的事。

Monica

Excellent!

太棒了！

Chandler

Very informative!

很有教育性！

Rachel

Not at all inappropriate!

一点也不会不恰当！

Phoebe

Thank you for coming everybody. There're cookies in the back.

谢谢各位光临，后面有饼干要送给你们。

Rob

That was great, the kids loved you.

真是棒透了，孩子们爱死你了。

Phoebe

Yay, I rock.

对呀，我酷毙了。

Rob

And you know why? Because you told the truth, and nobody ever tells kids the truth. You were incredible.

你知道为什么吗？因为你说实话，从来没有人对小孩子说实话。你真是了得。

Phoebe

But.

你怎么知道还有“但”？

Rob

How did you know there was a but?

不是“但是”就是“蛋饼”。

Phoebe

I sense these things. It was either but or butter.

我想问题是有些父母……

Rob

The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.

会希望你多唱一些农场动物那类的歌曲。

Phoebe

I can do that.

这个我办得到啊。

Rob

Really?

真的？

Phoebe

Yeah.

当然。

Rob

Because that would be fantastic. What? You wanna kiss me?

因为那样子会非常棒。怎么？你要亲我吗？

Phoebe

Thinkin' about it.

我正在考虑。

Janitor

Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.

蝙蝠，黑暗世界的大使，像一只插翅的信差冲出了巢穴，死神之舞的盲目幽灵。

Ross

Buddy, my monkey?

兄弟，我的猴子呢？

Janitor

Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in, few months back, inside job. Your monkey was taken.

对了，在几个月前，这里被洗劫，内贼干的。你的猴子被偷了。

Ross

Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.

我的天哪，可是动物园说我的猴子死了。

Janitor

The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?

动物园？你相信动物园说的每一件事吗？

Ross

That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.

动物园只是告诉过我这件事。

Janitor

Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?

他们当然会说它死了，他们害怕消息传出去会不好看。他们掩饰得密不透风，你知道这件事情牵涉到多高层吗？

Ross

That guy Lipson?

那个黎先生？

Janitor

Lipson knows. Do you have any idea who else knows?

黎先生知道，你知道还有谁知道吗？

Ross

No, I, I only know Lipson.

不，我只认识黎先生。

Janitor

Hmm, Lipson knows huh? Ahh, hello Mr. Opossum, enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night, taunting gravity with...

黎先生知道，是吗？哈罗，负子鼠先生，树上的谜团，上下颠倒的夜之民，正在嘲弄着地心引力……

Ross

Buddy, my monkey, my monkey.

兄弟，我的猴子呢？

Janitor

Word on the street - well, when I say street, I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.

道上的传闻……当我说“道上”的时候，我指的是园里的游园道路。

Ross

Of course.

当然了。

Janitor

Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.

你的猴子有了新职业了，往娱乐界发展去了，我只知道这一些。

Ross

This is unbelievable.

真是令人难以置信。

Janitor

So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?

好了，这个消息对你值多少钱啊，朋友？

Ross

Are you trying to get me to bribe you?

你是暗示我要贿赂你吗？

Janitor

Maybe.

或许吧。

Ross

But you already told me everything.

可是你都已经告诉我了。

Ross

Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.

你们看，马赛就是啤酒乐广告里的那只猴子。

Rachel

Well, so what're you gonna do?

那你打算怎么办？

Ross

Well, I guess I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find out where he is.

我要打电话给那家啤酒厂，问他们它在哪里啊。

Chandler

That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.

我丢了马儿时就是这么做的。

Phoebe

OK, hi again.

你们好。

All

Hi Phoebe.

菲比好。

Phoebe

Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals. [singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,

今天我们要先唱一些关于农场动物的歌曲。（唱）草地上的牛说哞，

Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.

草地上的牛说哞。

Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,

农夫在敲它的头，把它绞成肉酱，

And that's how we get hamburgers.

汉堡就是这样来的。

Nooowww, chickens!

现在……鸡！

TV Doctor

You're the only one who can save her Drake.

崔克，你是唯一救得了她的人。

Joey on TV

Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.

该死，我是医生，我不是神。

Ross

Well, there goes my whole belief system.

我的信仰就是这样被推翻了的。

Erica

It's Erica.

是艾丽。

Joey

Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.

老天，快，关掉电视。

Rachel

No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens.

不，我要看结果。

Joey

Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.

我救丝莉脱离昏迷状态，然后我们亲热。

Rachel

Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?

怎么可能？你刚才亲了莎宾娜。

Monica

Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.

瑞秋，那只是乔伊是神经外科医生的世界。

Joey

Hey Erica, c'mon in.

艾丽，请进。

Erica

How did you get here so fast, I just saw you in Salem?

你怎么这么快就到了？我刚刚还在沙仑看到你。

Joey

Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?

对，他们用……直升机送我。什么事？

Erica

Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?

还有一场小派对。她在吗？谁呀？

Joey

Who?

谁？

Erica

Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today kissing in the doctor's lounge.

莎宾娜，你们的事我全知道了。我看到你们两个在医生休息室里接吻。

Joey

It's not what you think, that was...

不是你想的那样子啦，那是……

Erica

You told me I was the only one. [throws a glass of water in his face]

你说你心里只有我。（把一杯水泼在他脸上。）

Joey

Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.

好，听着，够了。我想我们不该再见面了。我知道我很久以前就应该告诉你了，但是我并不是雷崔克医生。我连医生都不是，我是个演员，我只是假装我是医生而已。

Erica

Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?

天哪，那医院的人知道这件事情吗？

Joey

Somebody wanna help me out here?

你们谁来帮帮忙，好不好？

Rachel

Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]

我知道。（打开电视。电视上正在播乔伊。）

Erica

How, how can you be here and there.

你怎么会在两个地方？

Joey

'Cause it's a television show.

因为那是电视节目。

Erica

Drake, what're you getting at?

崔克，你到底要说什么？

Joey

I'm not Drake.

我不是崔克。

Ross

That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.

没错，他不是崔克，他是雷汉斯，崔克邪恶的双胞胎。

Erica

Is this true?

真的吗？

Rachel

Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]

是真的。我知道，因为他假装他是崔克来，来骗我上床。（朝乔伊脸上泼水。）

Monica

And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]

然后他告诉我他要带我私奔，他骗我。（朝乔伊脸上泼水。）

Chandler

And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]

然后你马桶盖没有放下来，你这个浑蛋。（朝乔伊脸上泼水。）

Erica

Is all this true?

这些都是真的吗？

Joey

Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.

是，恐怕是真的了。我根本配不上你，艾丽。你应该跟真正的崔克在一起，你爱上的人是他。去沙仑吧，去找他，他才是你的王子。

Erica

Oh Hans. [They kiss]

汉斯。（他们接吻。）

Ross

Hans...Hans...Yo evil twin.

汉斯，邪恶的双胞胎。

Joey

Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take care.

对，再见，艾丽。一切顺利。保重了。

Erica

I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]

我永远不会忘记你的。（乔伊在她面前关上门。）

Joey

OK, alright, the people who threw the water.

刚才是谁向我泼水。

Phoebe

Fired! Why?

开除？为什么？

Rob

The library board has had a lot of complaints from parents about some of the stuff in your songs.

有很多父母向图书馆的董事会投诉，你歌词里的一些内容有问题。

Phoebe

I can't believe it. Did you tell your board about how kids want to hear the truth?

我真不敢相信。难道说你没有告诉你的董事会孩子们多么想听实话吗？

Rob

No.

没有。

Phoebe

I see.

我懂了。

Rob

Maybe if you just played some regular kiddie songs.

或许如果你只是唱一些一般的儿歌。

Phoebe

No. What do you, what do you want me to be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?

不。你要我当什么呢？当一只愚蠢的紫色大恐龙吗？

Rob

I'm not saying you have to be Barney.

我又没说你必须当巴尼。

Phoebe

Who's Barney.

巴尼是谁啊？

End

剧终