The One With The Fake Monica

Joey

How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?

怎有人知道你的信用卡号码？

Monica

I have no idea. But look how much they spent!

我也不知道。你看他们花了多少钱！

Rachel

Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.

莫妮卡，冷静一下好吗？信用卡的人说你只须付你所买的东西。

Monica

I know. It's just such reckless spending.

我知道，他真是挥霍无度。

Ross

I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.

我想他偷去你的信用卡时，根本就已忘了王法。

Chandler

Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.

真是个变态。花了69.95元买“神奇拖把”。

Monica

That's me.

我买的。

Phoebe

Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)

真的，它又来！罗斯，马修，别再侵犯那盏灯了。

Ross

Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-

马修，停，坏猴子！回来……（马修跑向瑞秋的房间）回来，马修……

Rachel

Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him.

不，又到我房里了。我去抓它出来。

Monica

Ross, you've got to do something about the humping.

罗斯，你得想办法阻止。

Ross

What? It's, it's just a phase.

什么？这只是个阶段。

Chandler

Well, that's what we said about Joey...

我们当时也是这么说乔伊的。

Ross

Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.

你们冷静点行吗？这又没什么了不起。

Rachel

(Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!

（画外）停！坏猴子！

Ross

What?

又怎么了？

Rachel

Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.

我只能说，我的好奇乔治玩偶不再好奇。

Opening Credits

片头

Rachel

Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing.

莫妮卡，你还是无法释怀。

Monica

This woman's living my life.

这女人过着我的生活。

Rachel

What?

什么？

Monica

She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.

她过着我的生活，而且过得比我好！看，她买的戏票是我一直想看的戏。她买的衣服是我早就想买的。她花了三百块买艺术用品。

Rachel

You're not an artist.

你又不是艺术家。

Monica

Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.

如果有艺术用品，我或许已是个艺术家。我本来可以的，只是现在不是。

Rachel

Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things.

莫妮卡，别泄气，你做的工作很酷。

Monica

Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we.

真的？我们来做比较，好吗？

Rachel

(Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'...

（打哈欠）现在说“好吗”有点太迟了。

Monica

Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?

我到过公园骑马吗？我在新学校上过课吗？

Rachel

(Yawning) Nooo...

（打哈欠）没有。

Monica

This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.

这太不公平了！她拥有我想要的一切，而且她没有我妈。

Chandler

How about Joey... Pepponi?

乔依·帕波尼如何？

Joey

No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.

不好，太有种族意味了。我的经纪人认为我该取个中立一点的名字。

Chandler

Joey... Switzerland?

乔伊·瑞士？

(The waitress brings their coffee.)

（女服务生端来咖啡。）

Joey

Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not.

而且，我应该就是乔。乔伊让我感觉……这么大，我不是。

Chandler

Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin?

乔……乔……乔·斯大林？

Joey

Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar.

斯大林……这名字听得很熟悉。

Chandler

Well, it does not ring a bell with me...

我没印象。

Joey

(Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good.

（写下来）乔·斯大林，这名字很好。

Chandler

Might wanna try Joseph.

或许你想试试乔瑟夫。

(Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.)

（乔伊显然想到“当然！”，写下来。）

Joey

Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!

乔瑟夫·斯大林，我好像记得这个名字。

Chandler

Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.

哦，是的！“别了，鸟儿”乔瑟夫·斯大林主演。“屋顶上的提琴手”中的乔瑟夫·史达林。

Rachel

Hey.

嗨。

Phoebe

Hey.

嗨。

Monica

Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.

（打电话）对，我是莫妮卡·格勒，我想有在你们那里上课，我想知道是哪些课。

Phoebe

What are you doing?

你在干什么？

Monica

(Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.

（嘘她）太好了，谢谢。（挂断）我要去上踢踏舞课。

Rachel

What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?

这样你就可以和偷你信用卡的人一起上课？

Monica

This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is.

这女人偷走了我的生活，我应该去看看她是何方神圣。

Rachel

Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.

去邮局看，我想她的照片会公布的。莫妮卡，你有点失去理智了，你被这件事所完全操控。

Phoebe

This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.

这叫疯狂，上帝保佑，莫妮卡别这么做！谢谢。

Monica

What d'you think?

你们怎么认为？

Phoebe

Lotsa things.

很多。

(They go in and sit down.)

（她们进去坐下。）

Rachel

Which one do you think she is?

你认为是哪一个？

(The teacher comes up to them.)

（老师走过来。）

Teacher

May I help you?

我能帮你们什么吗？

Monica

Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe.

我们是来参观的。

Teacher

You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. Spare shoes are over there.

舞蹈课不是参观来的，舞蹈课来跳舞的。那儿有舞鞋。

Rachel

What does she mean?

什么意思？

Phoebe

I think she means (Imitates) 'You dance a dance class'. Oh, c'mon, c'mon. (They put on some spare shoes)

我想她是叫我们进去跳。真的？好吧。（她们穿上备用舞鞋）

Monica

Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be me?

有看见我的分身吗？

Teacher

(To the class) People! Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again!

（对全班）各位，上回有人在教室留下酸乳空瓶，希望别再发生那种事！

Rachel

She could be you.

她可能是你。

(Music starts)

（音乐开始）

Teacher

Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight...

开始吧。五六七八……

(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders)

（大家开始整齐跳舞，莫妮卡跟不上。）

Monica

Okay, I'm not getting this!

我跟不上！

Phoebe

(Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!

（以菲比式旋转跳舞）我完全融入！

Monica

Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated?

你不会觉得自己有时毫无协调感吗？

(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)

（瑞秋跳进来，她和全班完美同步。）

Rachel

What? You just click when they click.

怎么了？只要他们踢的时候你踢就是了。

Teacher

Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.

各位找个舞伴。

(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)

（女孩们不知如何配对，菲比决定。）

Phoebe

Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel.

我死去的妈说就是你，我和瑞秋。

Monica

Great. It's gym class all over again.

这下可好，体育课的旧事又重演了。

Phoebe and Rachel

Aww.

哦。

Teacher

Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.

无所谓，你过来和我一起跳。

Monica

Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.

我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦？

(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)

（她开始慢慢走向教室前面。老师拉她过去。突然一个女人冲进来。）

Woman

It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am. Who's the new tense girl?

没关系，我来了。抱歉，我迟到。我来了。那个紧张的新人是谁？

Teacher

She's your partner.

你的舞伴。

Woman

Hi. I'm Monica.

我叫莫妮卡。

Monica

Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm Mo-...nana.

哦，莫妮卡！我叫摩……娜娜。

Woman

(Fake Monica) Monana?

（假莫妮卡）摩娜娜？

Monica

Yeah. It's Dutch.

是荷兰人的名字。

Fake Monica

You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. (Asks her something in Dutch)

你在开玩笑吧！我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年。（用荷兰语问她什么。）

Monica

Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.

我是宾州的荷兰人。

Teacher

And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, eight...

开始吧。五六七八……

Ross

(Mortified) Hi.

（尴尬）嗨。

Chandler and Joey

Hey.

嘿。

Joey

Where've you been?

你上哪儿去了？

Ross

At the vet.

我刚从兽医回来。

Chandler

She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?

她没叫你戴那种塑胶套吧？

Ross

She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.

她说马修乱性不是暂时的，显然它已性成熟。

Joey

(To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya.

（对钱德勒）嘿，它找过你呢。

Ross

She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting agressive and violent.

她说它会越来越暴力，侵略性越强。

Chandler

So what does this mean?

这代表什么？

Ross

I'm gonna have to give him up.

我们不能再养它了。

Commercial Break

广告时间

Joey

I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!

我真不敢相信，这真是太扯了。

Chandler

I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already?

我不懂，你才刚养它，它怎会突然性成熟？

Ross

I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.

我知道，之前它只是个小东西，不知不觉中它就紧抓住我的腿不放。

Joey

Isn't there any way you can keep him?

你没有任何办法再饲养它吗？

Ross

No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.

没办法。她说除非有个地方让它获得正常的猴爱，它会变得愈来愈残暴，我得将它送到动物园。

Joey

How do you get a monkey into a zoo?

你如何把它送进动物园？

Chandler

I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.

我知道！不，那是教皇进入福斯汽车。

Ross

Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.

我们到处申请，当然大型州立动物园是优先考虑，比方说圣地牙哥动物园，那可能只是遥不可及的梦想，因为它在加州。兽医说她认识迈阿密的朋友，或许有可能。

Chandler

Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.

那儿似乎离海滩只有两条街，一定是个疯狂动物园。

(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)

（菲比、莫妮卡和瑞秋进来。）

Phoebe

Hey. We found her, we found the girl.

我们找到她了。

Chandler

What?

什么？

Joey

Did you call the cops?

你们喊警察了吗？

Rachel

Nope. We took her to lunch.

没有，我们和她吃午餐。

Chandler

Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.

你们自己的“自治正义”。

Ross

What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.

你疯了？那女人偷了你的东西，她是个小偷。

Monica

Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this, with this amazing spirit.

和这女人相处十分钟后，你就会把这些全忘了。她简直是奇女子，振奋人心。

Ross

Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.

她可能是从某位啦啦队队员那儿偷来的。

Chandler

...Take off their hats!

脱下他们的帽子。

Phoebe

Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.

福斯车上的教皇！我喜欢这个笑话。

Rachel

No way. No way did you do this.

不可能，你不可能这么做。

Fake Monica

Monana was very brave.

摩娜娜相当勇敢。

Monica

It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen.

真是太疯狂了。我们说我们是615房的冈氏姐妹。

Fake Monica

Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor!

结果波士顿塞尔提克已包下整个六楼。

Monica

So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...

他们知道我们又矮又有胸部时……

Fake Monica

...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!

他们就把我们轰出来。我被轰出饭店，我！

Rachel

Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. (Exits)

干得好，摩娜娜！不是只有你们活在梦中，我得去为我不认识的人倒咖啡。不用等我了。（离开）

Fake Monica

Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.

对了，明天我们要去参加百老汇的试演。

Monica

'Scuse me?

什么？

Fake Monica

There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?

“猫”剧还有一个缺额，我想我们可以去唱“回忆”，让自己当个傻子，如何？

Monica

Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.

不，记得你身旁的人是谁。我和你不一样，我连站在踢踏舞教室前都有困难。

Fake Monica

Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background.

因为你有阿米许的血统。

Monica

What?

什么？

Fake Monica

Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?

你不是宾州荷兰人吗？

Monica

Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.

对，直到我买了吹风机被逐出村里。

Fake Monica

I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?

我过去也和你一样，有一天我看了出改变我人生的电影。看过春风化雨吗？

Monica

Uh-huh.

嗯。

Fake Monica

I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.

我认为这电影实在是太……无聊了。那孩子在电影的结局时自杀，只因他无法演出话剧？这是在干什么？他再等一年离家，到社区话剧团去。走出电影院时我想，我这逝去两小时的生命永远不再回。这想法震惊了我，从此我便及时行乐。

Monica

Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.

那么我不敢推荐“窈充奶爸”了。

Ross

(Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.

（读信）上帝。（对马修）我们进不了斯克兰顿了。（对其他人）那是我们最后的选择，他们连狗和牛都收。我不懂是我还是它比较难受。

Phoebe

I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.

我想应该椅子最可怜。

Ross

Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him?

马修！不！乖，为何没人要它？

Rachel

Oh, somebody will.

一定有人会要的。

Joey

(entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?

（进来）早就有人叫乔瑟夫·斯大林了。

Chandler

You're kidding.

开什么玩笑。

Joey

Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!

显然他是屠杀各种民族的俄国独裁者，你怎么会不知道？

Chandler

Y'know, you'd think I would've.

是啊。

Joey

Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?

菲比，你认为我该取什么艺名？

Phoebe

...Flame Boy.

火焰男孩。

Ross

Where exactly is your zoo?

你的动物园在哪儿？

Dr. Baldhara

Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?

就技术上而言不算是动物园，而是一种互动式野生动物体验。我想请教你几个问题，它叫马修？

Ross

Yes.

是的。

Dr. Baldhara

Does he, uh, fight with other animals?

它会和其他动物打架吗？

Ross

No-no, he's, he's very docile.

不会的，它非常温驯。

Dr. Baldhara

Even if he were... cornered?

如果被逼进角落里去时呢？

Ross

Well I, I don't know. Why?

我不知道，干嘛问？

Dr. Baldhara

Uh, how is he at handling small objects?

它掌控小东西的能力为何？

Ross

He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...

它会拿香蕉，如果你是这意思的话。

Dr. Baldhara

How about a hammer, or a small blade?

铁槌或小刀呢？

Ross

Why- why- why would he need a blade?

为什么？为何要小刀？

Dr. Baldhara

Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.

面对狮虎或有角的动物，你得拿些东西给它自我防卫，否则就太残忍了。

(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)

（钱德勒和乔伊带着马修冲进来。）

Chandler and Joey

He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego.

它能去圣地牙哥了。

Joey

We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was ringing...

我们散步回来听见电话铃响……

Chandler

...He's in.

然后它就录取了。

Ross

He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego!

听见没，马修，是圣地牙哥！

Dr. Baldhara

You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.

你大错特错了。圣地牙哥环境良好没错，如果你把它交给我，我就能训练它对抗瞎眼的兔子，而且我还可以给你百分之二十的门票收入。

Monica

Yo- hooo!

哟嚯！

Rachel

Where the hell've you been?

你到底跑哪儿去了？

Monica

Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.

我和莫妮卡刚跑去参加大使馆舞会。

Rachel

Are you drunk?!

你喝醉了？

Monica

Noooo! (Comes closer and whispers) I'm lying. I am so drunk.

才没有呢。（走近低语）骗你的，我醉醺醺的。

Rachel

Oh God, oh. Great, Monica, y'know what, you could've called, I have been up here, I've been worried...

莫妮卡，你该打通电话回来，我一直在家里担心你。

(Monica is drinking from the tap)

（莫妮卡在水龙头喝水。）

Rachel

Monica? Monica!

莫妮卡！

Monica

Water rules!

好过瘾！

Rachel

Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work?

没错。餐厅今天又来电了，他们想知道你还要不要去上班。

Monica

Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today.

不去。我今天要去大苹果马戏团。

Rachel

Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna lose your job! This is not you!

莫妮卡，你在干什么？你快丢掉工作了，你变了！

Monica

No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm Monana!

不，这正是我。我不只是那种必须拍松枕头、帐单一来立刻去缴款的人。和她在一起，我就超越了那种人。我是摩娜娜！

(The phone rings and Rachel answers)

（电话铃响，瑞秋接起。）

Rachel

Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.

对，她在，等等。摩娜娜，你的电话，信用卡公司打来的。

Monica

Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks.

喂？是吗？天那。谢谢。

Rachel

What?

怎么了？

Monica

They've arrested Monica.

他们已逮到莫妮卡。

Monica

Hi.

你好吗？

Fake Monica

Hey.

不太糟。

Monica

How are you?

你好吗？

Fake Monica

I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How-how did you know I was here?

不太糟。幸好我喜欢蓝色。你怎会知道我在这儿？

Monica

Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you were using.

因为我是莫妮卡·格勒，你用的是我的信用卡。

Fake Monica

That I was not expecting.

真是没想到。

Monica

I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in.

我想让你知道，去报案的人不是我。

Fake Monica

Oh. Thanks.

谢谢你。

Monica

No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden Theater!

你带给我太多了！如果不是你，我就不可能在冬园剧场唱“回忆”。

Fake Monica

Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'.

老实说你只开口唱了“回”而已。

Monica

I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus?

我不敢相信你会在这儿，失去你我该怎么办？谁会和我去大使馆宴会？谁带我去大苹果马戏团？

Fake Monica

Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?

莫妮卡，我在一堆女人面前尿尿展开一天的生活，你却担心没人带你去看马戏？

Monica

Well, not... worried, just... wondering.

不是担心，只是怀疑。

Fake Monica

There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were, because that's who you are.

没什么好怀疑的。你继续做你自己，因为那才是真正的你。

Monica

Not necessarily...

那没必要呀。

Fake Monica

Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.

那很必要。我不知道是为什么，或许和你是阿米许人有关。

Monica

Um, I'm not actually Amish.

我不是阿米许人。

Fake Monica

Really? Then why are you like that?

真的？为何你那么怪？

Teacher

You by the door. In or out?

门旁的那个，加不加入？

Monica

In. (She joins in the dancing. She still flounders)

加入。（她加入跳舞，仍然跟不上。）

Teacher

You in the back, you're getting it all wrong!

后面的，你完全跳错了！

Monica

Yeah, but at least I'm doing it!

至少我在跳。

PA

This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.

这是飞往圣地牙哥67班机，最后一次的登机通知，请在42A门登机。

Phoebe

Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy. Alright, I wrote you this poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane.

再见了，小猴子。我写了一首诗给你，上飞机后才能吃。

Ross

Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.

谢谢你，菲此阿姨。

Phoebe

Oh!

哦！

Chandler

Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.

再见了。我知道圣地牙哥那儿你将有许多漂亮美眉，记得要学习的也很多。

Joey

I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.

我不知该说什么，罗斯。它是一只猴子。

Ross

Just, just say what you feel.

说出你的感觉就成了。

Joey

Marcel, I'm hungry.

马修，我饿了。

Ross

That was good.

这句不错。

Rachel

(Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.

（给马修一只泰迪熊）马修，给你的，这是给你在飞机上玩的。

Ross

Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.

如果不介意我想和它独处。

All

Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely. (They just stand there, then realise what he means and go to the other end of the room)

当然可以。（他们站了一会儿，意识到他的意思，走到房间另一头。）

Ross

Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.

马修，过来。小兄弟，就这样了。我只想说几句话，我会想你的，我不会忘记你的。在我心中你不只是一只宠物，你更是……（马修下来开始蹭他的腿）马修，能放开我的腿吗？能暂时不要乱来吗？马修……带它走好吗？带它走。

(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)

（马修被放进笼子带走。）

Closing Credits

片尾

Actor

(Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...

（非常夸张且糟糕）希望我是你手上的手套，这样我就能抚摸你的脸颊……

Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.

选角导演1：行，谢谢。

Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)

选角导演2：下一位。（乔伊走上台）

Joey

Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.

我来试“马丘修”的角色。

Casting Director No. 2: Name?

选角导演2：名字？

Joey

Holden McGroin.

麦克葛罗尼。

End

剧终