The One With Two Parts, Part 2

Opening Credits

片头

Rachel

Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

哦哦哦，哦哦哦哦，哦哦哦。哦。哦。哦。哦。

(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.)

（她们走到服务台。无聊的护士觉得自己什么都见过了。）

Monica

Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.

你好。我朋友取下圣诞灯时，从阳台跌落，她的脚或者脚踝可能受伤了。

Nurse

My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?

我的天，你们的圣诞灯还亮着？

(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard.)

（瑞秋瞪着护士，护士递给莫妮卡一个带笔记板的表格。）

Nurse

Fill this out and bring it back to me.

资料填好后拿给我。

(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.)

（莫妮卡扶着瑞秋走到一个空座位。）

Rachel

Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.

哦哦哦，哦哦哦，哦哦哦。

(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)

（莫妮卡开始填表，瑞秋喘口气，按摩脚踝。）

Monica

Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?

好的。哦。姓名？地址？好的，你的紧急联系电话是？

Rachel

You.

你。

Monica

Really?

真的？

Rachel

Yeah.

对。

Monica

Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts an arm around her friend and kisses her.) Oh gosh, love you. Insurance?

你真好。（感动地搂住朋友亲了一下。）天啊，我爱你。保险？

Rachel

Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.

哦！好的！勾上它！我确实需要一些！

Monica

(No longer touched) you don't have insurance?

（不再感动）你没有保险？

Rachel

Why, how much is this gonna cost?

为什么？看着病要花很多钱么？

Monica

I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.

我不知道啊，但光X光就可能要几百块钱。

Rachel

Well what are we gonna do?

那我们该怎么办？

Monica

Well there's not much we can do.

没有太多办法可想。

Rachel

(Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.

（像大婴儿）呃……除非让我用你的。

Monica

Hah, no no no no no no no no no no.

不不不不不……

Rachel

(Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?

（敲笔记板）等等？我的紧急连络人是谁？

Monica

(Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud.

（环顾四周看没人听，还是压低声音）这是保险欺诈……

Rachel

Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!

好吧？算了……我回家。（起身要走）哦！哦！哦！

Monica

(Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. I hate this.

（跳起来让瑞秋坐下）好吧，回来。我讨厌这么做。

Rachel

Thank you. Thank you. I love you.

谢谢！我爱你！

Monica

(to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).

（对护士）嗨，我需要新表格。

Nurse

Why?

为什么？

Monica

(Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) I put mine.

（干笑）我真是个笨蛋！我替我朋友填资料时，我填的不是她的资料而是我的。

Nurse

You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form).

你真是个笨蛋。（递过一张空白表格。）

Monica

(Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I am that stupid (tiny laugh).

（干笑）没错？这就是我，我就是那么笨！

Ross

I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.

我昨晚梦见我和我儿子在玩足球。

Chandler and Joey

That's nice.

真温馨。

Ross

No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.

不？是用他打。（他比划像抱橄榄球一样抱着婴儿。）我在球场上，他们给我一个裆下开球，坦帕湾队的防守球员逐渐逼近，所以我得做出决定。

Joey

Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.

坦帕湾队可是很烂啊！

Ross

Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field.

没错？但只有我和我儿子，所以我想他们很可能要找我们的麻烦，于是我只好传球。

Chandler

What are you crazy? That's a baby!

什么？你疯啦？他是你儿子！

Joey

He should take the sack?

难道他应该擒抱？

Ross

Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.

不管怎样，突然间我已到了场边，我发觉我就是那个该接球的人，但我绝对来不及，于是我跑啊跑，于是我就醒过来了。我还没准备好当爸爸。

Chandler

Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.

你没问题的。你是全北美最细心、最有责任感的男人，你将来一定是个好爸爸的。

Joey

Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.

没错？你和你儿子只是需要更好的阻挡。

(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.)

（感觉好些了，罗斯去拿更多咖啡。）

Joey

Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?

你们去过彩虹厅吗？真有那么贵？

Chandler

Well, only if you order stuff.

除非你要点儿什么东西。

Joey

I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.

我要带乌苏拉去那里，今天是她生日。

Ross

Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?

菲比的生日该怎么办？

Joey

When's that?

什么时候？

Ross

Tonight.

今晚。

Joey

Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?

哦！真是太巧了……

(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)

（乔伊开始思考自己的不幸。）

Ross

You take your time.

慢慢想吧，别着急。

(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)

（乔伊看看朋友，想了想，然后意识到了。）

Chandler

There it is! So what're you gonna do?

想出来了！你打算怎么办？

Joey

What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.

我能怎么办？我不想让乌苏拉不开心。

Chandler

And your friend Phoebe?

你的朋友菲比呢？

Joey

Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys?

如果她是我朋友，希望她能谅解。要是你们，你们难道不能谅解吗？

Chandler

Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.

兄弟，如果你敢在我的生日那天做这事儿，我就让你好看！

(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)

（乔伊比划他不敢……）

Dr. Mitchell

..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.

加上少量蕃红花，就能使情况完全改观。

(They approach the young ladies. Dr. Mitchell consults Ms. Geller's admissions form.)

（他们走向两位年轻女士。米切尔医生看了看盖勒小姐的入院表。）

Dr. Mitchell

Okay, errrr, Monica?

好的，嗯，莫妮卡？

Monica

Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, she is.

是的？（被瑞秋捶手臂跳起来）是的，她是！

Rachel (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel.

（假扮莫妮卡）她是我朋友瑞秋。

Monica (as Rachel): Hi.

（假扮瑞秋）嗨。

Dr. Mitchell

(Smiling) Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr. Mitchell.

（微笑）嗨，瑞秋。我是米切尔大夫。

Dr. Rosen

(Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend, Dr. Rosen.

（笑得更灿烂，试图接话）我是他朋友罗森大夫。

(Monica and Rachel smile back prettily.)

（莫妮卡和瑞秋也甜美地回笑。）

Rachel

Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?

你当医生是否太帅了一点？

Dr. Rosen

Excuse me?

抱歉，什么？

Rachel

I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.

哦，我是指年轻，是不是做医生太年轻了。说得好，瑞秋。

Monica (as Rachel): Thank you.

（假扮瑞秋）谢谢。

Rachel (as Monica): Right.

（假扮莫妮卡）没错。

Rachel

..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.

他说这只是扭伤，就这些。

Monica

Uh, you left out the stupid part.

哦，你忘说我们那些蠢事。

Rachel

Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes."

才不蠢呢。这两位帅哥大夫约我们明晚出去，而且我答应了。

Monica

I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.

我觉得这太疯狂了。我的意思是他们在医院工作啊，我们这样不是回到犯罪现场？你知道么？我觉得我们应该取消约会！

Rachel

What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute!

什么？嘿！他们可是大帅哥！他们是医生，是长得帅的医生！

Chandler

Alright, what have we learned so far?

好的，目前为止我们学习到什么？

(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)

（有人敲门。有人关掉音乐，整个派对的人都跑去躲起来，只有莫妮卡和瑞秋去开门。罗斯站在门口，拿着一个盒子，但大家都太兴奋没注意到是他。）

The Whole Party

(Jumping up) SURPRISE!!!

（跳起来）惊喜！！

(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)

（罗斯吓一跳，举起双臂自卫。盒子飞出去，啪嗒一声落在地上，里面的东西流到地板上。罗斯很不高兴。）

Ross

What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.

你们到底在干吗？把我吓死了。

Rachel

Was that the cake?

那是蛋糕么？

Ross

Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush.

对！柠檬口味。

Monica

Come on, she'll be here any minute.

快？她随时会到。

(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table.)

（罗斯把盒子放在咖啡桌上，大家围过来。）

Rachel

I hope it's okay.

希望蛋糕没事。

(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.)

（罗斯打开盖子，大家看着里面一团糟。）

Monica

Oh...

哦……

Chandler

(Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe."

（读）“生日快乐……Peehe……”

Monica

Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses.

或许我们可以用玫瑰当“B”。

(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)

（菲比悄悄走进来，加入画面。）

Ross

(Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.

（还在生气）对？用我们的特殊蛋糕工具。

Phoebe

Hey, what's going on?

嘿！怎么了？

Ross

Oh, we just...

我们刚……

Phoebe's Friends

(Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!

（终于注意到寿星）惊喜！！

Phoebe

(Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?

（开心）哦！哦！哦！你们真是太好了！天啊！但这一点也不可怕。大家好！贝蒂！哦！你找来了贝蒂！太棒了！哦！天啊，我喜欢这些都在这个房间里发生。乔伊在哪里？

(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...)

（派对气氛沉下来。钱德勒想讲句俏皮话，但连他也帮不上忙……）

Chandler

Did you see Betty?

你看见贝蒂没？

(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.)

（贝蒂摇摇手指表示“嗨”。但菲比觉得她的生日被她的双胞胎姐姐毁了。）

Mr. Geller

I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"

告诉你，我现在并不介意吃这种烤干的蕃茄干。五年前如果有人说，我的蕃茄像李子，我就叫他滚出我的办公室。

Ross

Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?

爸？我出生前你会紧张吗？

Mr. Geller

I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had come to me with the idea—

我不紧张，我是说如果有人对我说……

Ross

Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?

爸？我在谈小孩的事。你是否曾因为将成为父亲而紧张？

Mr. Geller

No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?

没有啊。都是你妈在处理，我在忙着生意上的事情，我并没有太多时间。你找我来是为了这个？

Ross

No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.

不不，爸爸，我只是好奇。

Mr. Geller

'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that?

因为我们有时间弥补。我们可以一起做点事情。你一直想去威廉斯堡，我们去怎么样？

Ross

Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?

谢谢，我只是想知道……你何时感觉自己像个父亲？

Mr. Geller

Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.

应该是你出生那一天。我们在病房，你妈在睡觉，他们把你交给我。你当时又丑又红又小，你突然用拳头紧抓住我的手指，紧紧捏住我的手指，那时候我才感觉到。

(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, that he stops eating.)

（罗斯被父亲动人的故事深深感动，停下不吃东西了。）

Mr. Geller

So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?

你不想去威廉斯堡？

Ross

No, we can go to Williamsburg.

我们可以去啊。

Mr. Geller

Eat your fish.

吃你的鱼吧。

Monica

Rachel, the cute doctors are here.

瑞秋？帅哥医生来了。

Rachel

(entering from her room) Okay, coming!

（从房间出来）来了！

(Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Geoffrey.)

（莫妮卡为米切尔医生和杰弗里医生开门。）

Monica

Hi, come on in.

嗨，快进来。

Dr. Mitchell

Hey.

嗨！

Monica

Hi, Geoffrey.

嗨，杰弗瑞。

Rachel

Hi.

嗨。

Dr. Rosen

Ah here, we brought wine.

我们带了一瓶酒。

Dr. Mitchell

Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?

这是来自恩尼斯及托夫·波尼酒窖，其能受得了这样的诱惑？呵呵。

Rachel

Oh, that's great. Look at that.

哦！真棒，看看。

Dr. Rosen

So, Monica, how's the ankle?

莫尼卡，脚踝怎么样了？

Monica

It's uh...

嗯……

(Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her.)

（瑞秋巧妙地咳嗽警告她。）

Monica (as Rachel): ..well, why don't you tell them? After all it, is your ankle.

（假扮瑞秋）你为什么不告诉他们？毕竟这是你自己的脚踝。

Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!

（假扮莫妮卡）我感觉好多了，谢谢！哦，你们快请坐，我给你们拿几个酒杯。好吧，快点~

(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice anyway.)

（瑞秋到厨房区找莫妮卡，她在开酒瓶。瑞秋确认医生没在听，还是压低声音。）

Rachel

Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.

好的，听者，我想我们为什么不告诉他们我们的真实身份呢？我想不会有事的，不会有问题的。

Monica

It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.

我们会惹上大麻烦的！

Rachel

Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?

摩妮卡，别那么不争气！

Monica

A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?

不争气？抱歉，我生在真实的世界之中。

(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of their own.)

（回到沙发，米切尔医生和罗森医生也有自己的顾虑。）

Dr. Mitchell

So?

所以呢？

Dr. Rosen

So... they sss-still seem normal.

她们似乎很正常。

Dr. Mitchell

That's because they are.

那是因为她们就是。

Dr. Rosen

(Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...

（紧张）但你得承认，每次我们和女病患约会都……

Dr. Mitchell

Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)

别紧张，看看四周。没有异教徒的神坛，角落里没有一堆一堆的骨头，他们不错！嘿，你的牙齿……

(Meanwhile, back at the sink.)

（与此同时，回到水槽边。）

Monica

I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.

我们绝不能这么做，有时候你怎么这么像个大小孩呢？

Rachel

(Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...

（不服气）我才不幼稚呢。我发誓，每次咱们这样你都那么紧张……

Monica

Sure, every time, you're such a princess...

是啊，每次你都像公主似的……

Rachel

You know what?

你知道吗？

Monica

What?

什么？

Rachel

You know what?

你知道吗？

Monica

What!?

什么？！

Rachel

You know what?

你知道吗？

Monica

(getting angry) What!!?

（生气）什么！！？

Rachel

Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.

一天一天你愈来愈像你妈了。

(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)

（瑞秋端着葡萄酒，欢快地一瘸一拐穿过公寓去找帅哥医生们，留下目瞪口呆的莫妮卡。）

Rachel

Hello! Here we go!

来喽！谢谢！

Dr. Rosen

This is a great place. How long have you lived here?

这地方真不错，你住在这儿多久了？

Rachel

(as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.

（假扮莫妮卡）谢谢，我住在这儿六年了，瑞秋几个月前才搬来。

Monica

(as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.

（假扮瑞秋）对，我本来应该结婚的，但我把我的未婚夫抛弃在圣坛了。

(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her chair.)

（瑞秋试图掩饰惊慌，但在椅子上扭来扭去。）

Dr. Mitchell

Really?

真的？

Monica

(as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?

（假扮瑞秋）是啊是啊！我知道这很自私，但是，嘿，这就是我！（指着桌上的菜）何不试试这个？

Dr. Rosen

So, Monica, what do you do?

摩妮卡，你从事什么工作？

Rachel

(as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.

（假扮莫妮卡）我在上城区一家餐厅的总厨师。

Dr. Rosen

Good for you.

真有你的。

Rachel

(as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.

（假扮莫妮卡）没错，因为我喜欢指使别人。

Dr. Rosen

This hummus is great.

这点心不错。

Dr. Mitchell

God bless the chickpea.

愿神保佑鹰嘴豆。

Monica

(as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh, god, I am so spoiled... That's it!

（假扮瑞秋）（突然笑）哦，哈哈，天啊，我真是被宠坏了，就这样了！

(The doctors don't know what to make of all this.)

（医生们不知该作何感想。）

Rachel

(as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?

（假扮莫妮卡）对了，我有提过我的高中吗？我在高中是只肥猪。

Monica

(as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.

（假扮瑞秋）我经常尿床。

Rachel

(as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people's attention.

（假扮莫妮卡）我以胸部吸引别人的注意。

Monica

(as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) We both do that!

（假扮瑞秋）（愤怒地指着好友）我们都一样！

(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)

（瑞秋也露出怒色。医生们尴尬极了，在随后的可怕沉默中喝干杯子。电话铃响了，但两个女孩只是怒视对方，无声地挑衅对方先动。最后两个男人跳起来，米切尔赢。）

Dr. Mitchell

(on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.

（打电话）莫妮卡与瑞秋的公寓，等等，瑞秋，是你爸。（把电话递给莫妮卡。）

Monica

(as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...

（假扮瑞秋）爸？不，是我。（起身走远）我现在没空，但有些话我一直想告诉你……

(Monica glares triumphantly across the room, scaring Rachel who also stands up.)

（莫妮卡得意地瞪向房间另一头，瑞秋吓坏了也站起来。）

Rachel

Would you excuse me for a second?

失陪一下。

Monica

(as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.

（假扮瑞秋）（在瑞秋反应过来前快速说）记得我大一的时候吗？我和比利在你床上做爱。

(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)

（被莫妮卡的语言摧毁彻底击垮，瑞秋踉跄后退几乎站不稳，瞪大眼睛喘不过气，完全不知该往哪儿走。最后她逃进浴室。听天由命的米切尔医生哲理地看着罗森医生，后者似乎要提醒他中古世紀异教徒祭坛的美好时光。）

Commercial Break

广告时间

Rachel

(on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr. Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!

（打电话）爸爸，爸爸……爸，我干嘛和比利上床？他爸想害你倒闭！（瑞秋转向莫妮卡，把话筒捂在胸口不让格林医生听见，嘴型说“你……”）死定了！

(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)

（莫妮卡甜美地后悔一笑，直到被马塞尔在她漂亮家具上乱爬打断。）

Monica

Ross, he's got the remote again.

罗斯？他又拿遥控器了。

Ross

Good. Maybe he can switch it back.

很好，或许它能将功能变回来。

(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)

（马塞尔换到讲西班牙语的兔八哥。）

Ross

Maybe not.

或许不会。

(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)

（与此同时，瑞秋接另一个电话，是她希望再也不要听到的护士打来的。）

Rachel

Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.

喂？（听）等等，我看看她在不在。

(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly over to her friend, who stands up in concern.)

（所有敌意都忘了，瑞秋一瘸一拐快速走向朋友，把话筒伸出去。）

Rachel

It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...

是医院那个女人打来的，她说表格有问题。哦，天啊！天啊！

Rachel and Monica

Oh god, waddawe do, waddawe do, waddawe do?

怎么办？怎么办？怎么办？

Monica

I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they want? Find out what they want!

我也不知道，看看她想要什么？

Rachel

Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no, you do it.

好吧！（绝望地把话筒递过去）不，你来问！

Monica

(taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down. (Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)

（接电话）我是莫妮卡。好，我们马上去，谢谢。（挂断。）

Rachel

What?

怎么了？

Monica

We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.

我们忘了签名。

Rachel

Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.

哦……（松口气瘫倒）你说得对，我们不该这么做。

Monica

Thank you.

谢谢。

Rachel

Okay, let me just change.

我去换件衣服。

Monica

Yes.

好的。

(Rachel goes to her room.)

（瑞秋回房间。）

Joey

(entering quietly) Hey.

（悄悄进来）嗨……

Ross and Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

Monica

Hi.

嗨。

Phoebe

Trouble?

有麻烦了？

Joey

Your sister stood me up the other night.

你妹那一夜放我鸽子。

Phoebe

Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you?

真可怜。被人放鸽子的滋味不好受吧。

Ross

Well did you try calling her?

你有打电话给她吗？

Joey

I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.

我连打了两天。打给餐厅时他们说她太忙，我不敢相信她想甩掉我。

(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)

（菲比想生乔伊的气，但看着他痛苦难以置信地摇头，她知道这不是他的错。）

Phoebe

Hey.

-嗨！

(Ursula turns in surprise.)

（乌苏拉惊讶地转身。）

Ursula

Oh!

-哦！

Phoebe

Um you, you got a minute?

有空吗？

Ursula

Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.

有，我只是在工作。

(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)

（乌苏拉指着一张空桌，双胞胎并排走过去坐下。离开的客人正好从她们身边走过。坐在后面的一个饥饿的绅士非常恼火，因为乌苏拉把他的餐放到她自己面前。姐妹俩坐下。）

Phoebe

So.

嗯……

Ursula

Uh-huh.

嗯哼。

(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)

（乌苏拉真心高兴姐姐多年后来看她。菲比犹豫该如何开口。）

Phoebe

Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.

哦？我为你买了生日礼物。

(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)

（乌苏拉拿起叉子开始吃肉，菲比从包里拿出礼物。）

Ursula

Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!

哦，哇！你记得！（打开）哦！是茱蒂·杰森热水壶！

(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)

（她笑童年往事。菲比微笑，因为她成功传达了意思。）

Phoebe

Right, like the kind you...

对，像你……

Ursula

Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.

对……哦，我也有东西送你。

(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)

（乌苏拉起身去拿吧台边包里的盒子。）

Phoebe

How'd you know I was coming?

你怎么知道我会来？

Ursula

Um, yeah, um, twin thing.

我们是双胞胎嘛。

(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)

（乌苏拉把盒子直接放进菲比手里。菲比眼睛一亮。）

Phoebe

I can't believe you did this.

我不敢相信你会这么做。

(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)

（菲比打开盒子，发现里面是很熟悉的东西。）

Phoebe

I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did this.

（举起乔伊的开衫）我不敢相信你会这么做！

(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away.)

（菲比把开衫收起来，笑容凝固。）

Phoebe

So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?

那么，你和乔伊怎么样了？

Ursula

Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.

他人很好，但我们结束了。

(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)

（乌苏拉继续吃午餐……）

Phoebe

Does he know?

他知道吗？

Ursula

Who?

谁？

Phoebe

Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.

乔伊！他对你着迷不已。

Ursula

He is? Why?

是吗？为什么？

Phoebe

You got me.

这你问倒我了……

Ursula

Right.

没错。

(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)

（一个服务员过来要拿回被截走的鸡肉。乌苏拉转向他。）

Ursula

Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?

抱歉，这道菜不是有沙拉吗？

(The man gives up, shaking his head.)

（男人放弃，摇摇头。）

Phoebe

So, um, are you gonna call him?

你会打电话给他吗？

Ursula

What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?

什么？（指着离开的服务员）你认为他喜欢我？

Phoebe

No, Joey.

不，是乔伊。

Ursula

Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?

哦。不，他很聪明，他会了解的。（分享食物）想吃鸡肉吗？

Phoebe

No. No food with a face.

不，我不吃有脸的东西。

Ursula

You have not changed!

你还是没变！

(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simply glad to be back with her sister.)

（乌苏拉的眼睛闪烁，笑着，只是高兴能和妹妹重聚。）

Phoebe

Yeah, you too.

你也一样。

(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)

（菲比努力不皱鼻子，回以微笑，意识到只能靠她来弥补这个疏忽的姐姐。与此同时，乌苏拉还没拿到她的沙拉，但当她试图引起服务员的注意时，他没理她。）

Rachel

(as Monica) Hi, remember us?

（假扮莫妮卡）嗨，记得我们吗？

Nurse

(Grimacing) Mmm hmmm.

（做鬼脸）是啊……

Monica

(as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a whole new one (little laugh) because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. (Little laugh) 'cause um...

（假扮瑞秋）你刚打电话要我们过来在表格上签名，但我们需要一张全新的表格（干笑），因为我又写错名字了，因为……

Nurse

You're that stupid.

你就是那么笨。

Monica

(as Rachel) I am. I'm that stupid. (Little laugh.)

（假扮瑞秋）是啊，我就是那么笨！（干笑。）

Rachel

(as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.

（假扮莫妮卡）我要用支票付帐。

Nurse

Well, you know your insurance will cover that.

你不知道保险会给付吗？

Rachel

(as Monica) Yeah, I know... (mirroring her friend) ..I'm I'm just not that bright either.

（假扮莫妮卡）我知道，只是我没也那么聪明。

(The girls escape with a new form.)

（女孩们拿着新表格逃走了。）

Chandler

Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.

好的，想象最糟的场景。你从未感觉像个爸爸。

Ross

Uh-huh.

嗯……

Chandler

Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.

你儿子从未感觉你像个爸爸，他所有的关系全受这个的影响。

Ross

Do you have a point?

你这话有没有重点？

Chandler

You know, you think I would.

应该有的。

(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)

（马塞尔没有乱跑，而是尽可能伸长脖子，从喉咙里发出无声的声音。）

Chandler

What's up with the simian?

这只猴子到底怎么了？

Ross

It's just a fur ball.

只是毛球。

Chandler

Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?

好吧。该谁了？

Ross

Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.

该你了，我刚刚因为“KIDNEY”得了43分。

Chandler

No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'.

不，你没得分，你拼的是“idney”。

Ross

I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?

不，我有k，我的k在哪儿？

(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)

（无声的嘶嘶声继续。惊慌中，罗斯和钱德勒看着猴子，它现在有些痛苦。）

Ross

You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!

快帮我，我的猴子把k吞了！

(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand behind Chandler, followed by Rachel.)

（听到哥哥的声音，莫妮卡起身站到钱德勒后面，瑞秋跟着。）

Nurse

(angrily) You go get that animal outta here.

（生气）把你的动物带走。

Ross

No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.

不，你不懂，动物医院离这儿很远，它快窒息了，我不知道该怎么办。

Monica

What's goin' on?

怎么了？

(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)

（罗斯和钱德勒听到声音转身……）

Chandler

Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.

马修吞了一个字母。

Rachel

Oh.

哦！

(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil slightly.)

（……然后当惊讶袭来时他们转回服务台，罗斯和钱德勒再次猛转身。莫妮卡和瑞秋微微退缩。）

Nurse

Excuse me... This hospital is for people!

抱歉，这是为人看病的医院！

Ross

Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!

小姐，它是人，它有名字！他也看“Jeopardy”节目，没人看时它就摸自己。请你有点善心，求你了！

(Ross's vigorous protest is attracting attention.)

（罗斯激烈的抗议引起注意。）

Dr. Mitchell

I'll take a look at him.

让我来看看他。

(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)

（瑞秋、莫妮卡、罗斯和钱德勒第二次整齐地猛转身。）

Rachel and Monica

Oh, thank you.

哦，谢谢。

Monica

Michael.

麦克。

Dr. Mitchell

Rachel.

瑞秋。

Rachel

What?

什么？

Monica

(as Rachel) Monica.

（假扮瑞秋）莫尼卡。

Rachel

(as Monica) Oh.

（假扮莫妮卡）哦。

Monica

(as Rachel) Hi.

（假扮瑞秋）嗨！

Rachel

(as Monica) Hi.

（假扮莫妮卡）嗨！

(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel sadly looks away...)

（莫妮卡微笑掩饰尴尬，但瑞秋伤心地看向别处……）

Phoebe

(as Ursula) Hey.

（假扮乌苏拉）嘿。

Joey

Urse...

乌苏……

(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)

（乔伊高兴地站起来，菲比点头。）

Joey

..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.

你到这儿来干什么？我一直想给你打电话。

Phoebe

(as Ursula) Listen, um...

（假扮乌苏拉）听着，嗯……

Joey

No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen." I've said that "listen."

不，别叫我听，我知道你的意思。

Phoebe

(as Ursula) I'm sorry.

（假扮乌苏拉）抱歉。

Joey

I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge?

我不懂，你怎么了？那些在桥下说的话你都忘了吗？

(Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)

（菲比几乎被问住。）

Phoebe

(as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!

（假扮乌苏拉）是啊，你得忘记我在桥下说过的话，我那一夜喝醉了，胡言乱语。

Joey

You don't drink.

你不喝酒。

Phoebe

(as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!

（假扮乌苏拉）没错，我不喝酒……但我爱你爱得如痴如醉！

Joey

Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she fends him off.)

哦，乌苏拉……（他试图拥抱她，但她推开他。）

Phoebe

(as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.

（假扮乌苏拉）我们是没有结果的。

Joey

Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?

为什么？因为我是菲比的朋友？

Phoebe

(as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?

（假扮乌苏拉）如果是，你愿意不和她来往吗？

Joey

(Thinking carefully) no. No, I, I couldn't do that.

（仔细想）不行，我办不到。

Phoebe

(as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.

（假扮乌苏拉）没错，就是因为她！不是她就是我。

Joey

Then, uh, then I'm sorry.

那么我只能说抱歉了。

(He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum, while Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.)

（他颓然坐到沙发上，被乌苏拉的最后通牒所伤。菲比跟过来，被乔伊善良的心感动。）

Phoebe

(as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.

（假扮乌苏拉）（不自觉地把手放在他膝盖上）你知道，忘了你是很难的一件事。

Joey

I know...

我知道……

(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)

（他抬头看她的脸。菲比脱离角色，对他微笑。乔伊的声音变得柔软温暖。）

Joey

I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful.

我不知是否因为分手，你从未这么漂亮过。

Phoebe

Really?

真的？

(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various angles, then...)

（菲比微笑，乔伊捧着她的脸吻她。乔伊起身离开但突然停住。菲比无声地对自己喊“哦，哇！”，倒在沙发上恢复，手捂着刺痛的嘴唇。若有所思的乔伊也摸着自己的嘴唇，犹豫片刻，然后回来更好看清。他又想了想，歪着头从不同角度打量她的侧脸，然后……）

Joey

Pheebs?

菲比？

Phoebe

(Automatically) Yeah. Oooh... (she's sprung.)

（自动地）什么事？哦……（露馅了。）

Ross

He looks so tiny.

它好小。

(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)

（门猛地打开，乔伊和菲比冲进来。）

Joey

We just got the message.

我刚听说了。

Phoebe

Is he alright?

它没事吧？

Ross

Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'.

没事了，医生已取出k了，他还发现m和o。

Chandler

We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'

它一定想拼字“monkey”。

(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)

（罗斯不赞同钱德勒的古怪理论。）

Ross

Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now.

医生说它已无大碍，它睡着了。

Chandler

(Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?

（拍罗斯肩膀）你有当爸爸的感觉没？

Ross

No, why?

没有，干嘛问？

Chandler

Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.

拜托，你办到了。有爸爸的味道了。

(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny figure stirs.)

（罗斯赞同这点，但仍不确定。小家伙动了。）

Monica

Oh, look, he's waking up!

看？它醒了！

Ross

(Quietly) hey, fella! How you doing?

（轻声）老兄？感觉如何？

(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)

（突然，马塞尔用整个拳头抓住罗斯的手指，紧紧握住。罗斯终于知道当父亲是什么感觉。他抬头看朋友们，他们鼓励地微笑，瑞秋温柔地把下巴靠在莫妮卡肩上。罗斯意识到钱德勒是对的，他一定会成为一个好爸爸！）

Closing Credits

片尾

Ross

Aqui est? (Here it is!)

Aqui est？（在这里！）

Monica

Quien pidio el pollo General Tso? (Who ordered General Sal's chicken?)

Quien pidio el pollo General Tso？（谁点了Sal将军的鸡？）

Chandler

Pudo haber sido General Tso! (It could've been General Sal!)

Pudo haber sido General Tso！（它本来就是属于Sal将军的！）

(Rachel points out of the window.)

（瑞秋指着窗外。）

Rachel

Mira, mira, el viejo desnudo esta haciendo el hula hoop! (Look, look, Ugly Naked Guy is doing the hula!)

Mira, mira, el viejo desnudo esta haciendo el hula hoop！（快看快看，丑陋裸男正玩呼啦圈呢！）

(The others rush to the window for a look.)

（其他人冲到窗边看。）

All

Ewww! (Ewww!)

Ewww！（呃！）

(Joey enters, happy again.)

（乔伊进来，又开心了。）

All

Hola, Joey! (Hi, Joey!)

Hola, Joey！（嗨，乔伊！）

Joey

Hola, amigos! (Hey, everybody!)

Hola, amigos！（大家好～～）

(Marcel grabs the remote.)

（马塞尔抓起遥控器。）

Monica

Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto. (Look, Ross, Marcel's got the remote.)

Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto.（罗斯，马修又拿着遥控器了！）

Ross

Lo que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele! (The thing is, he doesn't like the program!)

Lo que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele！（看来它不喜欢这个节目！）

(Everybody laughs.)

（大家都笑了。）

End

剧终