The One With Two Parts, part 1

Chandler

This is unbelievable. It's been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you'd be looking like a ham right about now.

真是令人难以置信，已过了半个小时。如果这是卡通，你应该看起来像火腿一样。

(Ursula Buffay, Phoebe's identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)

（乌苏拉·布菲，菲比的同卵双胞胎姐姐，正以她独特的方式在端盘子。）

Joey

There's the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?

女侍在那儿。抱歉，小姐。等等，小姐？

(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)

（乌苏拉困惑地转圈，完全不知道声音从哪儿来。）

Chandler

It's Phoebe! Hi!

是菲比！嗨！

(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)

（乌苏拉注意到乔伊在挥手，走过来。）

Ursula

Hi. Okay, will that be all?

嗨。好的，就这样了？

Chandler

Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?

等等，你来这儿干什么？

Ursula

Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now I'm here.

我刚刚在那边，然后你叫“抱歉，小姐”，所以我就来了。

Joey

No, no... how come you are working here?

不，你怎么会在这儿工作？

Ursula

Right, yeah, 'cause it's close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.

因为这儿离我的住处很近，而且围裙也很漂亮。

Chandler

Can we start over?

可以重来吗？

Ursula

Yeah. Okay great. I'm gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)

没问题。那我现在到那边去。（她走开了。）

Chandler & Joey: No, no, no!

不不不……

Opening Credits

片头

Ross

I don't know whether he's testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.

我不知道它在考验我，还是在发泄情绪，我的猴子已失去控制。它不断消除我答录机上的留言，应该是个意外。

Rachel

No, yeah, I've done that.

我做过这种事。

Ross

And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.

它连续三天在我看报纸前，在猜字游戏上尿尿。

Rachel

I've never done that.

这我没做过。

(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shop's sign---a large steaming cup of coffee.)

（外面的街上，乔伊和钱德勒到了，弯下腰从咖啡馆招牌——一个大杯冒着热气的咖啡——下面往里看菲比。）

Chandler

All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly like her sister.

看着她，告诉我她和她姐姐长得不一样。

Joey

I'm sayin' I see a difference.

我看到不同之处。

Chandler

They're twins!

她们是双胞胎！

Joey

I don't care. Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's... hot!

我不管，菲比是菲比，乌苏拉很火辣！

(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)

（乔伊和钱德勒走进来。）

Chandler

You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?

我们不是常谈论事情吗？

Joey

Yeah.

当然。

Chandler

Let's not do that any more.

咱们别再干那事了。

(They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their friends on the main sofa.)

（他们挂好外套和围巾，走向主沙发上的朋友们。）

All

Hey guys! Hey!

嗨！～嗨！

Joey

Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.

菲比，猜我们今天遇见谁？

Phoebe

Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.

哦！有趣有趣！嗯……连恩·尼逊。

Joey

Nope.

不是。

Phoebe

Morly Safer.

莫利·塞弗。

Joey

Nope.

不是。

Phoebe

The woman who cuts my hair!

剪我头发的女人！

Monica

Okay, look, this could be a really long game.

你们到底要猜多久？

Chandler

Your sister Ursula.

你姐姐，乌苏拉。

Phoebe

(Her face dropping) Oh, really.

（脸沉下来）哦，真的……

Chandler

Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh...

对，她在那个地方工作……

Phoebe

Rift's. Yeah, I know.

瑞夫餐厅。我知道。

Chandler

Oh, you do? Because she said you guys haven't talked in like years.

你知道？因为她说你们已多年不说话。

Phoebe

Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?

嗯？对。那么，她胖吗？

Joey

Not from where I was standin'.

从我的角度看不会。

Phoebe

(Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?

（转向钱德勒）你从什么角度？

Rachel

Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don't get along?

菲比，你们合不来？

Phoebe

It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"

这只是姐妹之间的事。大家都认为她是漂亮的一个。她先学会走路，虽然我是在当天稍后学会的。但对我爸妈而言那已经不新鲜了。

Ross

Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry, I've got to go. I've got Lamaze class.

菲比，抱歉，我得走了。我得去参加心理助产班。

Chandler

Oh, and I've got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.

我得去参加地球科学班，健身房见了。

Rachel

So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?

你和卡萝两人去？

Ross

No, Susan's gonna be there too. We've got dads, we've got lesbians, the whole parenting team.

不，苏珊也要去。那有爸爸、女同志……全部的父母都会到。

Rachel

Well, isn't, isn't that gonna be weird?

这样不是会很奇怪？

Ross

No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation.

不会的。（心不在焉地穿上外套准备出门）一开始或许会，但现在我已坦然面对。

Monica

Ross, that's my jacket.

罗斯，那是我的外套。

Ross

I know.

我知道。

(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)

（罗斯脱下那件女式外套，抓起自己的外套冲出去，瑞秋咧嘴笑。）

Woman

Hi, we're the Rostins. Err, I'm J.C., and he's Michael, and we're having a boy, and a girl.

大家好，我们姓罗。我是洁西，他叫麦可，我们有一男一女。

Teacher

Good for you. Alrighty, next?

厉害。下一位。

Ross

Hi, um, I'm err, (has to clear his throat) I'm Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carol's bulge) ..that's, that's my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carol's, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..who's next?

我叫罗斯，我儿子在那儿。（指着）她叫卡罗，这位是苏珊。苏珊是卡罗的……下一位是谁？

Teacher

I'm sorry, I didn't get... Susan is?

抱歉，我不太明白。苏珊是……？

Ross

Susan is Carol's, Carol's, Carol's, friend...

苏珊是卡萝的朋友……

Carol

Life partner.

好像拍档，好像伙伴。

Ross

Like buddies.

好像伙伴。

Susan

Like lovers.

好像恋人。

Ross

You know how close women can get.

你知道女人能有多亲近的。

(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)

（老师微笑，但眉头皱起。苏珊和卡罗亲热地互相拍打。）

Carol

Susan and I live together.

我和苏珊住在一起。

Ross

Although I was married to her.

尽管我们两个结过婚。

Susan

Carol, not me.

卡萝，不是我。

Ross

Err, right.

呃，对。

Carol

It's a little complicated.

有点复杂了。

Ross

A little.

有一点。

Susan

But we're fine.

我们还好。

Ross

Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! That's like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.

完全不错。（转向旁边的女士）双胞胎？好像要生两次哦。噢。

(Helen's buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)

（对讲机里传来海伦的蜂鸣声，钱德勒也按下自己的按钮。）

Chandler

And (he imitates the buzzer) to you too, Helen.

彼此，海伦。

Helen

(Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.

（对讲机）妮娜·布克宾德要见你。

Chandler

Oh, okay. Send her in.

好的，让她进来。

(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.)

（他匆忙在电脑屏幕上检查头发，然后从抽屉里拿出一个体育奖杯，炫耀地放在桌上。一个迷人的年轻女人推门进来。）

Nina

Hi.

嗨！

Chandler

Hi, Nina. Come on in.

妮娜，进来。

Nina

You wanted to see me?

你想见我？

Chandler

Uh, Yes. Yes. I've just been going over your data here, and little thing, you've been post-dating your Friday numbers.

对，我刚看过你的资料，有个小问题。你一直填迟你周五数字的日期。

Nina

Which is bad, because?

这样很不好？因为……？

Chandler

Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.

这样让我的WENUS出现问题。

Nina

Your... excuse me?

你的……什么？

Chandler

WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net...

WENUS。（咳嗽）每周估计净值……

Nina

Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Won't happen again. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt your... "wenus."

哦，净值使用统计……对，明白了。我懂，不会再发生了。我不会做任何事伤害你的……“WENUS”。

(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once he's lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that he's thinking correctly...)

（妮娜挑逗地朝钱德勒微笑，他明白了她的意思，但一时无语。她点点头告诉他他想的没错……）

Chandler

It's not just that she's cute, okay. It's just that... she's really really cute.

这不是她漂不漂亮的问题。这是……她真的真的很漂亮。

Ross

It doesn't matter. You don't dip your pen in the company ink.

都一样，兔子不吃窝边草。

(Marcel scampers about, interfering with the neatness.)

（马塞尔到处乱跑，破坏整洁。）

Monica

Ross, your little creature's got the remote again.

罗斯，你的小动物又在玩遥控器了。

Ross

Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...

马修，遥控器给罗斯。马修，你现在就把遥控器给罗斯。马修，遥控器给罗斯……

(Marcel points the remote at Monica's television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)

（马塞尔把遥控器对准莫妮卡的电视，按了一串特定的按键。屏幕上出现SAP标志，突然对话被配成了西班牙语。）

Monica

Great.

这下可好。

Ross

Relax, I'll fix it.

别急，我会修好的。

Rachel

(Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."

（看电视）酷！Urkel在西班牙语中叫“Urkel”！

Ross

(looking at the remote) How did he do this?

（看着遥控器）它是怎么办到的？

Chandler

(Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?

（望着阳台）你让圣诞灯一直开着，是想让我们“快乐”一整年计划中的一部分？

(Rachel slowly spins around, finally noticing that the lights have outstayed their welcome.)

（瑞秋慢慢转过身，终于注意到灯早已不该挂了。）

Monica

Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Year's... but obviously someone forgot.

不，某人应该在新年期间把它拿下，但她显然是忘了。

Rachel

Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... (finally noticing Monica's note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been there?

某人应该写“瑞秋，拿下圣诞灯”，然后贴在冰……（终于注意到莫妮卡贴在冰箱上的便条）在这儿多久了？

(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.)

（乔伊进来，看起来洋洋得意。）

Chandler

Hey, where you been?

你上哪儿去了？

Joey

I went back to Riff's. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna melt and four plates of curly fries.

我到瑞夫餐厅去了。我想乌苏拉喜欢我，我只点咖啡，她却端给我鲔鱼和四盘的薯片。

Chandler

Score.

有门了。

Joey

She is so hot!

她好带劲儿！

Chandler

Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)

好的，不过听着，在你做一些乔伊风格的事情前，或许你可以找……（他指指正帮罗斯弄遥控器的菲比。）

Joey

Pheebs?

菲比？

Phoebe

(Jumping up) Yeah?

（跳起来）嗯？

Joey

You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?

菲比，我约你姐出去你会介意吗？

Phoebe

Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?

为什么？你为何要那样做？为什么？

Joey

So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there.

因为如果我去约会时她就会在我身边。

Phoebe

Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, it's true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, we've grown apart, so, um... I don't know, why not? Okay.

我的意思是，我不是她，呃……没错，我们曾待在同一颗卵子，但我们各自发育，所以……我不知道……有何不可？好吧。

Joey

Cool, thanks.

谢啦。

(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)

（他高兴地朝钱德勒示意没什么好担心的，然后离开。瑞秋和莫妮卡为可怜的菲比担心，她滑回罗斯身边。）

Ross

You okay?

你还好吧？

Phoebe

Yeah I'm fine.

还好。

Ross

You wanna watch Laverne & Shirley?

你还要继续看？

(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)

（情景喜剧以熟悉的旋律开场，但带着拉丁风味。瑞秋和莫妮卡用筷子跳了一小段舞，罗斯跟着节拍加入，菲比不得不笑了。）

Ross

Sorry.

抱歉。

Ross

Hi. Sorry I'm late. Where's, where's Carol?

抱歉，我迟到了。卡萝在哪儿？

Susan

Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. I'll get the information.

学校有事，老师和家长间的事。你可以走了，我留下来上课。

Ross

No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know what's going on.

不……我应该留下来。我们两个都该知道这事情是怎么样的。

Susan

Oh, good. This'll be fun.

很好，一定会很有意思的。

Teacher

Alrighty. We're gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why don't you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummy's head.

首先是第三阶段基本呼吸练习。各位妈妈请躺下，教练们支撑妈妈们的头。

(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)

（罗斯和苏珊都示意对方躺下。）

Ross and Susan

What? What? What?

什么？什么？什么？

Susan

I am supposed to be the mommy?

我该当妈？

Ross

Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time.

好吧，我再打一次精子牌。

Susan

Look, I don't see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I'm a woman.

我不懂为什么只因我是个女人，我就得错过教练训练。

Ross

I see. So what do you propose to do?

了解，你说该怎么办？

Susan

I will flip you for it.

掷铜板。

Ross

Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!

掷铜板？不……头、头、头！

Susan

(Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.

（得意地）躺下吧，妈。

(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susan's lap like all the other fathers.)

（罗斯像其他妈妈一样躺下，被苏珊像其他爸爸一样抱在怀里。）

Teacher

Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath.

各位妈妈们，请深呼吸。

(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)

（苏珊忘了身份，和罗斯一起做了“妈妈”的动作。）

Teacher

Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.

很好，现在请想像你的阴道像花一样绽放。

(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)

（罗斯出戏，瞪着远方。）

Chandler

Mr. D, how's it going, sir?

迪先生，如何？

Mr. Douglas

Ohh, it's been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.

好多了。年度净值已经算出来了。

Chandler

And?

然后呢？

Mr. Douglas

It's pretty ugly. We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies.

奇惨无此，70年代之后没这么惨过。

Chandler

So what does this mean?

这代表什么？

Mr. Douglas

Well, we're gonna be layin' off people in every department.

每个部门都得裁员。

Chandler

Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very –

听着，虽然我上星期迟到，我那天睡姿不良把头发睡塌……

Mr. Douglas

Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?

不是你，放松。曾经开除某人吗？

Chandler

Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.

妮娜？妮娜。（他绕过办公桌走到她坐的地方）妮娜。（痛苦地）妮娜。

(She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner thigh of his left leg.)

（她同情地伸手抚摸他左大腿内侧。）

Nina

Are you okay?

你没事吧？

Chandler

(Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please don't hate me.

（看着她的手）当然。呃，我今天叫你进来的原因……请别恨我。

Nina

(Taking her hand away) What?

（抽回手）怎么了？

Chandler

(Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner sometime?

（突然开朗）能约你共进晚餐吗？

(Nina gasps in surprise and relief.)

（妮娜又惊又喜地倒吸一口气。）

Rachel

So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?

菲比，你想要什么生日礼物？

Phoebe

Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.

我想要我妈复活和我共享人生。

Rachel

Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?

好吧。这样吧，想不想要“艾芙琳”的产品？

Phoebe

Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.

我想要浴盐。

Rachel

Ooh, okay... good.

好。

(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)

（杰米·布克曼和弗兰·德瓦诺走进咖啡馆。杰米脱下外套和围巾，环顾四周。）

Jamie

What is this place?

这是什么地方？

Fran

Look, you're cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..there's a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?

你很冷，我想尿尿，窗户上又有个咖啡杯。你就将就一点吧。

(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)

（杰米注意到菲比坐在吧台。）

Jamie

I think we have an answer.

我想我们有答案了。

Fran

What's she doing here?

她怎么会在这儿？

Jamie

This could be God's way of telling us to eat at home.

老天爷明明就是叫我们回家吃饭嘛。

Fran

Think she got fired at Riff's?

她被瑞夫餐厅开除？

Jamie

No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladies' bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um?

不，昨晚我们还在那儿吃饭。她不断端来剑鱼。（指女厕）你要去……？

Fran

I'm gonna wait till after we order. It's her, right.

不，点完之后再去。是她吧？

Jamie

It looks like her.

看起来像她。

(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)

（菲比走过，没有理会那两个陌生人。）

Jamie

Um, excuse me.

抱歉。

Phoebe

Yeah?

嗯？

Jamie

Hi, it's us.

嗨，是我们。

Phoebe

(Smiling blankly) Right, and it's me.

（茫然地笑）好呀，是我。

Jamie

So, so you're here too?

你也在这儿？

Phoebe

Much as you are.

和你们一样。

Jamie

(Without moving her lips) Your turn.

（嘴唇不动）该你了。

Fran

Err... we know what we want.

我们知道我们要什么。

Phoebe

(Philosophically) Oh, that's good.

（哲理地）很好。

Jamie

All we want is two Caffe Lattes.

我们要两杯拿铁。

Fran

And some biscotti cookies.

还有小饼干。

Phoebe

Good choice.

不错的选择。

(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women won't see the face she pulls, and sits down.)

（菲比转过身，不让那两个奇怪的女人看到她做鬼脸，然后坐下。）

Jamie

Definitely her.

绝对是她。

Fran

Yeah.

是的。

Commercial Break

广告时间

(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)

（菲比用遥控器关掉电视，停了西班牙语。）

Monica

I can't believe you. You still haven't told that girl she doesn't have a job yet?

我真不敢相信，你还没告诉她她失业了？

Chandler

Well, you still haven't taken down the Christmas lights.

你还没把圣诞灯拿下来。

Monica

Congratulations, I think you've found the world's thinnest argument.

恭禧你，你发现了世上最薄弱的争论。

Chandler

I'm just trying to find the right moment, you know?

我只是在寻找适当的时机。

Rachel

Oh, well, that shouldn't be so hard, now that you're dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, you're fired, but how 'bout a quickie before I go to work?"

应该不会太难找到，因为你们已开始约会。（模仿男人最糟的样子）“亲爱的，你被开除了，我上班前何不来个‘速战速决’？”

(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.)

（乔伊提着一个大纸袋自己开门进来。）

Joey

Hey.

嗨。

Rachel and Chandler

Hey.

嗨。

(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)

（乔伊刚进来的门传来大声敲门声。）

Chandler

You know, once you're inside, you don't have to knock any more.

进门后就不用再敲门了。

Monica

I'll get it.

我来开。

(She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them. Monica opens the door to find Mr. Heckles standing there.)

（她站起来，毛线拖着钱德勒。瑞秋不得不跳过椅子跟过去。莫妮卡开门，发现赫克尔斯先生站在那儿。）

Monica

Oh. Hi, Mr. Heckles.

哦，嗨，赫克尔斯先生。

Mr. Heckles

You're doing it again.

你们又这么做了。

Monica

We're not doing anything. We're just sitting around talking, quietly.

我们什么都没做，我们只是坐在这儿静静地聊天。

Mr. Heckles

I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats can't sleep.

我可以透过天花板听见，我的猫睡不着。

Rachel

You don't even have cats.

你根本没养猫。

Mr. Heckles

I could have cats.

我原本有机会养。

Monica

(Closing the door) Goodbye Mr. Heckles.

（关上门）再见了，赫克尔斯先生。

Rachel

We'll try to keep it down.

我们会很小声的。

(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)

（被毛线缠住的三个人回到桌边。瑞秋不得不冲在前面以免被缠住。乔伊把购物袋拿到菲比面前，拿出一件漂亮的开衫。）

Joey

Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.

菲比，帮我个忙吗？能试穿看看吗？我想知道合不合身。

Phoebe

Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...

我的第一件生日礼物……（开心地打量腿上的开衫）这衣服真……

Joey

Oh, no no no. It's for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.

哦，不不不，是送乌苏拉的。我想知道尺寸。

Phoebe

Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.

哦……好呀……（厌恶地把开衫扔回袋子里）好吧，合身。

(The others have been taking all this in.)

（其他人都看在眼里。）

Rachel

Are you seein' her again tonight?

你今晚又和她约会？

Joey

Yep. Ice Capades.

对，去看花样溜冰。

Chandler

Wow, this is serious. I've never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.

这回你是来真的，没想到你会为任何花式玩意儿付钱。

Joey

I don't know. I like her, you know. She's different. There's uh, somethin' about her.

我也不知道，我喜欢她。她与众不同，她有……

Phoebe

That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!

（从毛线圈上方尖刻地对乔伊说）你喜欢？我们懂。你喜欢她，太好了！

(The circle freezes in apprehension.)

（毛线圈里的人紧张地僵住了。）

Joey

Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.

菲比，我问过你而你也同意了。

Phoebe

Alright, well, maybe now it's not okay.

也许现在不同意了。

Joey

Okay... Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay.

好吧……也许我对于你的不同意也不同意了。

Phoebe

Okay.

好吧！

(An embarrassed silence... finally broken by)

（一阵尴尬的沉默……终于被打破。）

Chandler

Knit, good woman, knit, knit!

快织，快织！好女人！

(Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding, tangling Chandler's wool.)

（莫妮卡疯狂地动起来，瑞秋继续绕线，把钱德勒的毛线缠得更乱。）

Chandler

And that's the Chrysler Building right there.

克莱斯勒大楼就在那儿。

Mr. Douglas

Nina.

妮娜。

Nina

Mr. Douglas... (flirting defensively) ..cool tie.

（防卫地调情）道格拉斯先生，不错的领带！

(She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. Douglas, that he misses Chandler's expression of alarm & guilt.)

（她逃走了，幸好她让道格拉斯先生分心，他没注意到钱德勒惊慌和内疚的表情。）

Mr. Douglas

(Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Nina's shapely departure) She's still here.

（关上门，模糊地指着妮娜离开的曼妙背影）她还在这里？

Chandler

Yes, yes she is. Didn't I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.

没错，她还在。我没通知你吗？我开除她后，接到她心理医生的电话，佛……佛林大夫。

(Thinking quickly, Chandler desperately tries to remember anything to do with schizophrenia....)

（钱德勒快速思考，拼命回忆任何与精神分裂症有关的事……）

Chandler

And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.

他说她一时无法适应，老实说他提到“狂暴”这两个字。

Mr. Douglas

You're kidding? She seems so...

她？开什么玩笑？她……

Chandler

Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.

不，妮娜？她……事实上，如果你现在问她，她根本记不得被开除这件事。

Mr. Douglas

That's unbelievable.

难以置信。

Chandler

And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.

你不得不信。因此我决定暂时不再开除她，直到我确定她对自己或其他人不构成威胁为止。

Mr. Douglas

I see. I guess you never really know what's goin' on inside a person's head.

我了解。人的心中在想什么，别人永远无法完全了解。

Chandler

Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir.

所以会有心理学的产生。

(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?)

（道格拉斯先生皱着眉头想相信钱德勒的话，但转身看着妮娜沿走廊离开，他意识到钱德勒一定在说真话，因为他不会对那女孩有什么私心，对吧？）

Soothing male voice

..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.

爸妈永远忘不了这声音，这是生产的奇迹。

Teacher

Lights please? And that's having a baby. Next week is our final class.

请开灯。这一集是生宝宝，下周是我们的最后一堂课。

(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carol's doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)

（大家开始起身。罗斯抓起卡罗的娃娃，像橄榄球一样倒着拿，用另一只手拍打它。）

Ross

Susan, go deep.

苏珊，准备接球。

(Susan just glares back, as Ross's inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)

（苏珊只是瞪着他，罗斯不合时宜的笑话没奏效。与此同时，一个泡泡即将破裂……）

Carol

This is impossible. It's just impossible.

这根本不可能……

Susan

What is, honey?

怎么了？

Carol

What that woman... did. I am not doin' that. It's just gonna have to stay in, that's all, everything will be the same, it'll just stay in.

我不做那女人做的事。我不会这么做的，他得留在我体内，一切和原来一样。

Ross

Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everything's gonna be alright.

卡萝，亲爱的，不会有事的。

Carol

(Turning on Ross) OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? NO-ONE'S GOING UP TO YOU AND SAYING, "HI, IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL? MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"

“这是你的鼻孔吗？我能将这肉块穿过你的鼻孔吗？”

Susan

Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.

卡萝，亲爱的，深呼吸。

(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)

（两个女人大口吸气。罗斯看着他的“橄榄球”，然后把头和四肢弄回原位，直到它看起来像个娃娃。）

Susan

I know it's frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when it's over, we're all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.

我知道你很惶恐，但往远处想。生产过程只是一天，结束后他这辈子都是我们的儿子。

(Ross is staring blankly into space.)

（罗斯茫然地盯着空中。）

Susan

I mean, that's what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?

怀胎生子为的不就是这些吗？罗斯？罗斯？

Ross

I'm gonna be a father.

我要当爸爸了。

Rachel

This is just occurring to you?

你才刚知道？

Ross

I always knew I was havin' a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.

我一直都知道我有个孩子，只是不知道孩子有我。

Rachel

(She comforts him too) Oh, you're gonna be great!

（也安慰他）你会是个好爸爸的！

Ross

Aw, how can you say that? I can't even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?

你怎会知道？我连阻止马修吃浴室垫都办不到，我如何养儿育女？

Chandler

You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.

罗斯，科学家说孩子和猴子是不一样的。

(Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.)

（乔伊听烦了，起身离开。）

Phoebe

Where're you going?

哪儿去？

Joey

Out.

出去。

Phoebe

With?

和谁？

Joey

(Spreading his arms wide) Yes.

（张开双臂）是的，你知道。

Phoebe

Alright, could I just ask you one question?

能问你一个问题吗？

(Joey nods his head.)

（乔伊点头。）

Phoebe

Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?

你们有没有……嘛？……嗯？

Joey

Well, not that it's any of your business, but, no, we haven't, okay?

不关你的事，没有，行了吗？

(Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns back.)

（乔伊朝门口走去，犹豫了一下，又转回来。）

Joey

You meant sex, right?

你是指性吧？

(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend they're not there.)

（菲比闭嘴，其他人假装不在场。）

Nina

Do you have a sec?

有空吗？

Chandler

Ah, sure, Nina. What's up?

当然，什么事？

Nina

I don't know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.

我不知道。最近大家都避开我，而且以奇怪的眼神看我。

Chandler

Oh, well, ah... maybe that's because they're ah... jealous, of us.

或许他们在嫉妒我们。

Nina

Maybe. But that doesn't explain why they keep taking my scissors.

或许吧。但这无法解释他们为何拿走我的剪刀。

Chandler

Ah, well, maybe that's, ah, because you're getting a big raise.

或许是因为你被升职的缘故。

Nina

I am?

我被升职了？

Chandler

Sure, why not?

当然！为什么不会？

Nina

Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug) You're amazing!

天啊，你真是太了不起了！

Chandler

Oh, you don't know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder's raise?

可不是吗。（按按钮。）海伦，能快处理布小姐升职的手续吗？

Helen

(Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?

（对讲机）你仍要我拿她的心理分析结果到人事部？

Nina

What?

什么？

Chandler

Helen drinks. (Insincerely) Will you marry me?

海伦喝醉了。（假惺惺地）你愿意嫁给我吗？

(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)

（妮娜叉起腰，疑惑地看着钱德勒。）

Chandler

Well, I ended up telling her everything.

最后我把一切都告诉她了。

Rachel

Oh, how'd she take it?

她的反应如何？

Chandler

Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if you're ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.

坦然接受，除了拿钉书机钉我之外。告诉你们，以后遇见类似的状况，切记别把手放在桌上。

Monica

Okay, I think I get how to do this.

我想我知道该怎么做了。

(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)

（莫妮卡把遥控器对准电视，按说明书上的一组按键，但可怕的SAP标志还在，西班牙语照旧。）

Phoebe

Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I can't, I can't watch.

能把电视关掉吗？能把他们弄走吗？我受不了了。

Monica

(Remotely turning off the television) okay, Pheebs, they're gone.

（用遥控器关掉电视）菲比，他们走了。

Phoebe

Okay.

好的。

Monica

Are you alright?

你还好吧？

Phoebe

Yeah. It's just, you know, it's this whole stupid Ursula thing, it's...

还不是乌苏拉惹的祸。

Rachel

Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, he's going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?

菲比，我能问吗？他和她约会真有那么糟吗？

Phoebe

Um, yeah. Look, I mean, I'm not saying she's like evil or anything. She just, you know, she's always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?

对。我不是说她是很坏。她总是给我添乱！我8岁时，我不给她我的热水壶，她就把它丢在公车下。然后，有个蓝迪布朗……你们有没有过男友身兼好友的情况？

Monica and Rachel

(Wistfully, shaking their heads) No.

（渴望地摇头）没有。

Phoebe

Well, but that's what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldn't even talk to me any more. Because he said he didn't wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.

我当时的状况就是如此。她把他抢走又伤他的心，他从此不和我说话，因为他说他不愿再见像我们俩之一的任何人。

Rachel

Oh... Oh, Pheebs.

噢，菲比。

Phoebe

I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...

我知道乔伊不是我男朋友或者热水壶，但……

Chandler

You're not gonna lose him.

你不会失去他的。

Monica

Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.

你得找乔伊谈。

Phoebe

Yeah. Okay.

好的。

Ross

No, come on, he doesn't know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.

拜托，这些事他全然不知。如果他了解你的感受……

Phoebe

But he's falling in love with her.

但他爱上她了。

Rachel

Oh please, they've been going out a week. They haven't even slept together yet, I mean, that's not serious.

拜托，他们才约会一个星期，根本还没上床，八字都还没一撇呢。

Phoebe

Okay... Okay.

好吧。

(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)

（莫妮卡和罗斯示意她现在就该去。）

Phoebe

Oh, okay, oh.

哦！好的好的。

(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joey's apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joey's shirts.)

（菲比站起来穿过走廊，但钱德勒和乔伊公寓的门关着。她敲门，焦急地等乔伊来开门，但她的同卵双胞胎姐姐穿着乔伊的一件衬衫出来。）

Ursula

(Surprised) Oh.

（惊讶）哦。

(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)

（菲比震惊地后退，乌苏拉挑衅地靠在门框上，好像这里是她的地盘。）

Ursula

Yeah, um, may we help you?

我们能帮你什么忙吗？

Closing Credits

片尾

Monica

Rachel, what are you doing? It's freezing out here. Would you come back inside?

瑞秋，你在干什么？外面好冷，进来好吗？

Rachel

No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... (she climbs onto the railing to reach the top of a pole) ..I'm takin' 'em down. Okay? Whoa! (Screams.)

不不不……你要我把灯取下，我正在做，行吗？哇！（尖叫。）

(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)

（瑞秋脚滑，失去平衡，从栏杆边摔了下去……）

Monica

Oh-my-god Rachel! (Rushing out to look over the edge) Rachel!

天啊，瑞秋！（冲出去看栏杆下面）瑞秋！

(In the apartment below, Mr. Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)

（楼下的公寓里，赫克尔斯先生正想放松看报，但瑞秋脚踝被圣诞灯缠住，无助地倒挂在那儿。）

Rachel

(To Monica) I'm okay! I'm okay! (She knocks on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?

（对莫妮卡）我没事！我没事！（敲赫克尔斯先生的窗户）赫克尔斯先生，能帮一下忙吗？

Mr. Heckles

See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.

瞧，我指的就是这种事儿。

End

剧终