The One With the Stoned Guy

Rachel

(to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.)

（对乔伊）咖啡。（递给他。）

Joey

Thank you.

谢谢。

Rachel

(to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.)

（对罗斯）卡布其诺。（递给他。）

Ross

Grazie.

谢谢。

Rachel

And a nice hot cider for Monica. (Hands it to her.)

（对莫妮卡）热苹果酒。（递给她。）

Monica

Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach?

谢谢。（注意到什么。）瑞秋？

Rachel

Yeah?

嗯？

Monica

Why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser?

为何我的肉桂棒上有橡皮擦？

Rachel

Oh! That's why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a cinnamon stick.) I'm sorry!

哦！这就是原因。（瑞秋摸了摸耳后，找到一根肉桂棒。）对不起！

(She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica puts her cup down in disgust.)

（她拿走莫妮卡咖啡里的铅笔，莫妮卡厌恶地放下杯子。）

Opening Credits

片头

Woman

Chandler.

钱德勒。

Chandler

Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.

泰德洛克太太，你今天真漂亮。我能说这件衣服真好看吗？

Mrs. Tedlock

Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.

科先生希望你在下班后能到他办公室去。

Chandler

Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.

如果他是为搞笑备忘录，不是我干的，真的……（试图藏起一个橡胶鸡。）没有。

Phoebe

Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...

各位，钱德说他会有天大好的消息，所以他来的时候我们就……

(Chandler comes in.)

（钱德勒进来。）

Chandler

Hey!

嘿！

All

Hey!

嘿！

Phoebe

Never mind. But it was going to be really good.

算了，但一定是好消息。

Ross

What's going on?

到底怎么了？

All

What is it?

什么事？

Chandler

So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.

今天和平常没什么两样。我在输入数字时，艾尔叫我到他办公室，说他要我当电脑处理的主管。

All

That's great!

真是太好了！

Chandler

So.... I quit.

所以……我就辞职不干了。

All

Why?

为什么？

Chandler

Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!

为什么？因为这只是暂时的工作。

Monica

Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.

钱德，你已在公司五年了。

Chandler

If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.

如果接受升职，不就承认这就是我的目的？

Phoebe

So was it a lot more money?

那不是能赚更多钱？

Chandler

It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.

我不在乎，我不想成为坐在办公室到午夜担心“WEENUS”的人。

(Everyone looks at him, confused.)

（大家困惑地看着他。）

Rachel

... the WENUS?

WEENUS？

Chandler

Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.

“我们估计净值使用系统”，这是电脑处理的术语。

Rachel

(sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS.

（讽刺）哦，那个啊。

Joey

So what're you going to do?

你有何打算？

Chandler

I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.

我也不知道该怎么办。我只知道我不会再待在那儿工作了。

Phoebe

Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.

我有一份你可以做的工作。我的新按摩客户史蒂芬，他开了一家餐厅，正在寻找总厨师。

Monica

(taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um... hi there.

（拍拍菲比的肩膀）你好……

Phoebe

Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so...

嘿！（转回钱德勒，又转向莫妮卡）我知道你是个厨师，而且我先想到你，但钱德目前没有工作所以……

Chandler

Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.

我没有太多厨师的经验，除非那是一家只卖土司的餐厅。

Phoebe

(to Monica's tapping) Yeah, yeah!

（对莫妮卡拍肩）对，对！

Monica

Well, what kind of food is he looking for?

他想要什么菜色？

Phoebe

Well, he wants to do some eclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu.

他想要菜色丰富多变，因此他在找一个能创造出整个菜单的人。

Monica

(excited) Oh my God!

（兴奋）天啊！

Phoebe

Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?

对，我知道！（转向钱德勒）意下如何？

Chandler

Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.

谢了，我大概没资格戴白色大帽吧。

Phoebe

OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!

好吧。（停顿）摩妮卡，你猜怎么着？

Chandler

Can you see my nipples through this shirt?

你能透过衬衫看见我的乳头吗？

Rachel

No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.

看不见，但别担心，它们还在。

Phoebe

Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?

你要上哪儿去，西装笔挺先生？

Chandler

Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the "a-gogo."

我和求职顾问阿哥哥罗伯提曼博士有约。阿哥哥是我加的。

Rachel

Career counselor?

求职顾问？

Chandler

Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.

你们都已找到人生的方向。

Rachel

I don't!

还没！

Chandler

Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.

在客厅里的各位，全都知道未来该怎么走。你们有目标有梦想，但我却没有梦想。

Ross

Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech.

少见的“我没有梦想”演说。

(Monica enters, excited.)

（莫妮卡兴奋地进来。）

Monica

Oh, I love my life, I love my life!

我爱我的人生……

Phoebe

Ooh! Brian's Song!

布莱恩的歌！

Rachel

The meeting with the guy went great?

见面的结果如何？

Monica

So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.

相当顺利！他告诉我未来餐厅的位置，就在第十街，不太大也不太小，大小适中。

Chandler

Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?

前任老板是金发女人和几只熊吗？

Monica

So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises.

总之周一，我们要煮一餐让他品尝，有点像是面试。菲比，他也要你在场，这样对我有利，因为你可以发出好吃的赞叹声。

Rachel

What are you going to make?

你做什么？

Phoebe

(as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises.

（好像瑞秋没在听）发出好吃的声音。

Rachel

(pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?

（停顿）莫妮卡，你要做什么菜？

Monica

I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great!

我也不知道但一定会很棒的。

Phoebe

Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? (Monica doesn't know.) You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. (sits down)

我知道你可以做什么了！你可以做……我也不知道。（坐下。）

Ross

Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?

各位，谁知道附近有约会的绝佳地点？

Joey

How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.

东尼餐厅如何？吃下32盎斯的牛排就免费。

Ross

OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?

谁知道和美洲豹约会哪儿是好地点？

Chandler

Who are you going out with?

你要和谁约会？

Phoebe

Oh, is this the bug lady?

是昆虫女？

Rachel

(trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross.

（模仿虫声）我爱你，罗斯。

Ross

Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.

她叫希莉亚，不是昆虫女，她是昆虫博物馆的主任。

Rachel

So what are you guys going to do?

你们打算如何共渡？

Ross

Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.

出去吃晚餐，后带她回我的住处，介绍我的猴子给她认识。

Chandler

And he's not speaking metaphorically.

他没用暗示。

Joey

(aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?

（私下对罗斯）回你的住处？你想……嗯嗯？

Ross

Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh... but I'm hoping (gestures) huh-huh.

我不知道……嗯嗯……但我希望……嗯嗯。

Joey

I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.

告诉你，那猴子是魅力十足！她看见它那毛绒绒可爱的小脸，然后一切就搞定。

Ross

Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...

希莉亚，别担心，别叫！它不会伤害你的，用安抚的语调！

Celia

I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...

我受不了了，它的爪子……

Ross

Alright... (lifts Marcel away)

（把马塞尔抱开。）

Monica

(to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.

（对乔伊）试试这鲑鱼慕斯。

Joey

(tasting) Mmmm. Good.

（尝）好吃。

Monica

Is it better than the other salmon mousse?

比其他的鲑鱼慕斯好吃？

Joey

It's creamier.

更滑更柔。

Monica

Yeah, well, is that better?

是吗？更好？

Joey

I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?

我不知道我们在谈一条搅成泡沫的鱼，我能不吐出来就已经不错了。

(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)

（钱德勒生气地用脚踢上门。他衣服凌乱，看起来疲惫不堪。）

Rachel

My God! What happened to you?

天啊，你怎么了？

Chandler

Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."

8个半小时的性向测验、智力测验、个性测验……我了解什么？“你适合在大型跨国公司资料处理部门方面发展。”

Phoebe

That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!

这太好了，因为你已知道该如何做！

Chandler

Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something... something.

你们能相信吗？我不像是做那种酷工作的人吗？我总是想像自己能做点不同的。

Rachel

(comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!

（走过来揉他胸口）钱德，我知道……哦，嘿！你可以透过你的衬衫看自己的乳头！

Monica

(brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up.

（端来一小盘开胃菜）来，这个或许能让你开心点。

Chandler

Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you.

5小时前我吃了一颗葡萄，所以我最好该和你平分。

Monica

It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche.

它本来就应该那么叫。这是前开胃菜，法国人称它为“阿姆兹布许”。

Chandler

(tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing...

（尝）这简直是太神奇了。

(Phone rings. Monica answers it.)

（电话铃响，莫妮卡接。）

Monica

(on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Wendy! (Listens) Yeah, eight o'clock. (Listens) What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... (Listens) OK, great. (Listens) All right, I'll see you then. Bye. (hangs up)

（打电话）喂？哦，温蒂，对，八点。我们不是说过吗？每小时十块。很好，再见。

Phoebe

Ten dollars an hour for what?

什么每小时十块？

Monica

Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out.

我请餐厅里的女服务生帮忙。

Rachel

(hurt) Waitressing?

（受伤）服务生？

Joey

Uh-oh.

哦哦。

Monica

Well... of course I thought of you! But... but...

当然我考虑过你，但是……

Rachel

But, but?

但是什么？

Monica

But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress.

但是这一次绝对不能出错。温蒂的经验丰富，她是个职业的服务生。

Rachel

Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics.

我懂了，我应该继续保持业余的姿态，将来才能在奥运会上当服务生。

Chandler

You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)

我不想自吹自擂，但我在76年的因斯布鲁克当过服务生。（冷场）阿姆兹布许？（举起盘子。）

Celia

Talk to me.

对我说话。

Ross

OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...

早上我坐地铁时，发生了一件诡异的事……

Celia

No no no. Talk... dirty.

不……说狠亵的话。

Ross

(embarrassed) Wha... what, here?

（尴尬）这里？

Celia

Yes...

对。

Ross

Ah....

啊……

Celia

Say something..... hot.

快，说点火辣的。

Ross

(panicked) Er.... um.....

（恐慌）呃……嗯……

Celia

What?

什么？

Ross

Um... uh.... vulva.

嗯……外阴。

Commercial Break

广告时间

Joey

(in disbelief) Vulva?

（难以置信）外阴？

Ross

Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.

我当时好害怕，她吓了我一跳。但并未完全……我们以爱抚收场。

Joey

(sarcastic) Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??

（讽刺）爱抚？几次？

Ross

Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?

闭嘴，那种感觉好好。我不是那种讲狠亵话的人。

Joey

What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.

有什么了不起？你只要说出你想对她如何，或是你想她对你如何，或是别人想对彼此如何。这样吧，对我说吧。

Ross

(deadpan) Please be kidding.

（面无表情）开什么玩笑？

Joey

Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.

有何不可，快！只要闭上眼睛告诉我，现在你想干什么。

Ross

OK. (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment...

好吧。（闭眼）我在我的住处……

Joey

....yeah... what else?

然后呢？

Ross

That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. (gets up, walks across room)

就这样。我在我的住处而你不在。

Joey

(walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I'll start, OK?

（追过去）好吧，讲我来。

Ross

Joey, please.

拜托。

Joey

Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.

拜托准备好没？听着。（低声）哦，罗斯你让我欲火焚身，我要你舔我。

Ross

(impressed) Wow.

（印象深刻）哇。

Joey

Alright, now you say something.

该你了。

Ross

I... ahem... I really don't think so.

我看还是算了吧。

Joey

Come on! You like this woman, right?

快嘛，你喜欢她吧？

Ross

Yeah.

喜欢。

Joey

You want to see her again, right?

想再见到她吗？

Ross

Sure.

当然。

Joey

Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!

如果你无法对我说出狠亵的话，你如何对她说呢？说你想爱抚我的屁股！

Ross

OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.

好吧，转过去。（乔伊惊讶）我不想你盯着我看。

Joey

(turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.

（转身）好吧，我不看，说吧。

Ross

Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.

我要……用我的双唇感觉你那光滑的皮肤。

Joey

There you go! Keep going. Keep going!

这就对了，继绩！

Ross

I, er...

我……

(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)

（这时，钱德勒从他的卧室走进客厅。罗斯和乔伊都背对着他，没有注意。钱德勒看到这个情况，保持安静看着。）

Ross

I want to take my tongue... and...

我要用我的舌头……

(Chandler is completely astounded.)

（钱德勒完全惊呆了。）

Ross

....and....

快说啊。

Joey

Say it... say it!

快说！

Ross

...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...

舔遍你的全身直到你颤抖……

(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)

（钱德勒靠在墙上，罗斯和乔伊听到声音。两人同时注意到。他们慢慢停下，然后慢慢转身，看到钱德勒盯着他们。）

Chandler

(smiling)....with??

（微笑）然后呢？

Ross

(rushing to explain) Funny story!

（急着解释）真好笑！

Joey

You're not going to believe this!

你不会相信的！

Chandler

It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.

没关系，我一向赞成你们交往。

Joey

Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.

钱德，你睡觉时老东家又打电话来。

Chandler

Again?

又打来？

Joey

And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.

一直打……（电话响，他接）喂？（把电话递给钱德勒）又打来了。

Chandler

(on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)

（打电话）科先生，15楼的情况如何？我也想念你。对，偷家里的笔比较不刺激。你真慷慨，但这不是钱的问题。我需要的不只是一份工作，我要的是我真正想要的……这是你稍早提过的年终红利之外的津贴？你的梦想……艾尔，我不故意为难你，这不是交涉，这叫拒绝！不，别再讲数字了！告诉你，你看错人了！星期一见！（摔下电话。）

Chandler

Well?

怎么样？

Phoebe

(excited) Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.

（兴奋）好大！比小格间大多了。

Chandler

Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of New York City)

看这个！（他拉开窗帘，纽约市景。）

Phoebe

Oh! You have a window!

你有窗户！

Chandler

Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of...

没错，还有美丽的风……

Phoebe

Oh look! That guy's peeing!

看，有人在小便！

Chandler

(walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.

（离开窗边）风景看够了。看这个，坐下。

Phoebe

(sitting) OK.

（坐下）好了。

Chandler

This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment?

这个最酷！（按对讲机按钮。）海伦，能进来一下吗？

(An unamused woman walks into the office.)

（一个面无表情的女人走进办公室。）

Chandler

Thank you Helen, that'll be all.

谢谢你，海伦，没事了。

(She leaves, obviously perturbed.)

（她离开，显然很不高兴。）

Chandler

Last time I do that, I promise.

最后一次了，我保证。

Monica

(shouting on phone) Wendy, we had a deal! (Listens) Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! (hangs up)

（对电话喊）温蒂，你答应过我！温蒂……（挂断。）

Rachel

Who was that?

谁啊？

Monica

Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.

温蒂丢下我不管，我没服务生了。

Rachel

Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. (she walks away towards the door)

哦……真是太糟糕了。再见。（她朝门口走去。）

Monica

Ten dollars an hour.

一小时十元。

Rachel

No.

不干。

Monica

Twelve dollars an hour.

小时十二元。

Rachel

Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around.

我希望可以，但我已经计划好去走走。

Monica

You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.

你逃婚之后我一直关心你，我让你有地方住。如果这样对你仍毫无意义……（瑞秋不信，绝望地）一小时二十元。

Rachel

Done.

成交。

Rachel

Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?

欢迎光临，我能拿你的外套吗？

Monica

Hi Steve!

史帝头！

Steve

Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl.

摩妮卡，欢迎。（对瑞秋）招待小姐。

Monica

(to Steve) This is Rachel.

（对史蒂夫）她叫瑞秋。

Steve

(unconcerned) Yeah, OK.

（不关心）好吧。

Phoebe

(overemphasizing) Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of (Monica signals her to stop) of, OK, smells.

味道好香！我早已忘记这种……香味。

Steve

It's a lovely apartment.

这房子真漂亮。

Monica

Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?

谢谢，想参观一下吗？

Steve

I was just being polite, but, alright.

我只是客套一下，但好吧。

(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)

（他们去参观，瑞秋想跟去，但菲比拦住她，把她拖进厨房。）

Rachel

What's up?

怎么了？

Phoebe

(whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.

（低语）他坐计程车来时燃了一根草。

Rachel

What?

什么？

Phoebe

Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?

抽了一根大麻……好了，我懂。

Rachel

OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK.

我知道了。

Steve

(from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips)

（从客厅）这里很干燥吗？（舔嘴唇。）

Rachel

Let me, let me get you some wine!

我来为你倒杯酒。

Monica

Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)... with just a touch of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger.

我们可以上第一道菜了。（史蒂夫坐下，莫妮卡端来托盘。）这些是石虾小方饺，芫萎调味酱加上一点点……碎姜……（史蒂夫很快地一个一个吃掉。）

Steve

Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!

打我屁股叫我芙蒂，真是太好吃了！

Monica

I'm so glad you liked them!

我真高兴你喜欢！

Steve

Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them!

喜欢？我可以吃下上百个。

Monica

Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.

只有这一些。但再过8分半钟，我们就会献上美味的洋葱馅饼。

Steve

Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning. (he gets up and goes into the kitchen)

馅饼……文字都已失去意义。（起身走进厨房。）

Rachel

Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?

请问需要任何帮忙吗？

Steve

You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.

我也不知道自己在找什么。

(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.)

（瑞秋试图引起莫妮卡注意告诉她史蒂夫抽了大麻。她假装抽大麻，莫妮卡以为她在做“OK”的手势。瑞秋又做了一次，这次深深吸了一口。莫妮卡挥手表示不相信。）

Steve

(from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!") You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.

（从厨房）酷，墨西哥馅饼！这个就像是玉米卷。

Monica

(joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.

（走过去拿走墨西哥馅饼壳）你不该影响食欲。

Steve

(looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O's! (grabs the cereal box)

（翻柜子）糖欧！（抓住麦片盒。）

Monica

You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes...

再等6分钟半……

Steve

Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!

干酪通心面！我们一定要做这个！

Monica

No, we don't. (reaches for box)

不，我们不做。（伸手去拿盒子。）

Steve

Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)

哦，好吧。（盒子掉在地上）抱歉。（她弯腰去捡时，他从柜子里抓了一包小熊软糖。）

Monica

Why don't you just have a seat here? (he sits at the table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears. Monica spots him.) OK... give me the Gummi-bears.

我们何不坐这儿？（他坐在桌旁，试图偷偷吃小熊软糖。莫妮卡发现。）小熊软糖给我。

Steve

(childishly) No.

（孩子气）不。

Monica

Give them to me.

给我。

Steve

Alright, we'll share.

好吧，分你一半。

Monica

No, give me the...

不……

Steve

Well then you can't have any.

小熊给我。

(She grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"

（她去抢，包装破开。小熊软糖飞得到处都是，一些掉进桌上的潘趣酒碗里。）小熊落水了，他们快淹死了。抓住糖欧逃命啊。救命啊……我淹水了。

Monica

(furious) That's it! Dinner is over!

（愤怒）我受够了，晚餐结束！

Steve

What?

什么？

Monica

What?

什么？

Steve

Why?

为什么？

Monica

Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?

为什么？这机会我已等了七年，而你却等不了四分半钟之后再吃洋葱馅饼？

(The oven goes off.)

（烤箱响了。）

Steve

(excited) Hey!

（兴奋）嘿！

Joey

What a tool!

真是个王八蛋。

Rachel

You don't want to work for a guy like that.

你不会想为那种人工作的。

Ross

Yeah!

我知道！

Monica

I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it.

我以为我的机会来了。

Ross

Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.

你会成功的，你是个了不起的厨师。

Phoebe

Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.

记得那些赞美的声音？我不是装的。

(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)

（罗斯起身走到吧台，乔伊跟着他。）

Joey

(to Ross) So, er... how did it go with Celia?

（对罗斯）和希莉亚的状况如何？

Ross

Oh, I was unbelievable.

我简直是太神了。

Joey

All right, Ross!

干得好！

Ross

I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.

我就像是詹姆斯密奇尼一样满口狠亵的话，天下最具巧思的狠亵话，有人物，剧情，主题，其中一段的主角是村夫与村姑。

Joey

Whoa! And the... (gestures with hands) huh-huh?

然后呢？

Ross

Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...

狠亵话讲完后已经很晚了，而且我们也已精疲力竭所以……

Joey

You cuddled.

你们爱抚？

Ross

Yeah, which was nice.

那种感觉好好。

Phoebe

You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?

你们想看晚场电影吗？

Rachel

Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?

好，但我们不是该等钱德？

Joey

Yeah, where the hell is he?

他到底跑哪儿去了？

Chandler

(on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... (Listens) Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! (slams phone down, then leans back and realizes what just happened) Whooooaaaa....

（打电话）对，法兰，我知道现在几点，但我看着WENUS而且我相当不高兴。真的？告诉你吧，你会在乎的，因为我在乎！懂吗？很好！（摔下电话，然后靠回椅背，意识到刚才发生了什么。）哇哦……

Closing Credits

片尾

Phoebe

How's this? (presses down hard)

这样如何？（用力按。）

Steve

Eeeee!

啊！

Phoebe

Sorry. How about over here? (presses down hard again)

抱歉。这边呢？（又用力按。）

Steve

Aaaaah!

啊！

Phoebe

See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt? (presses down elsewhere)

这就是说明有效果了。痛不痛？（按别处。）

Steve

No.

不痛。

Phoebe

What about this? (she starts using her elbows on his back, he yells in pain)

这样呢？（她开始用肘部按他的背，他痛得大叫。）

Steve

Aaaaahhh!!

啊！！

Phoebe

There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)

爽啦！（她继续用肘部按摩，他继续痛得大叫。）

End

剧终