The One With Mrs. Bing

Phoebe

Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?

你想他们有昨天的报纸吗？

Monica

Why?

干嘛？

Phoebe

Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.

我只是想看我的星运准不准。

Monica

Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.

天啊，菲比，别看。你背后有个将会令我们伤心欲绝的帅哥。

Phoebe

Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.

在哪儿？朝妈妈这来呀。

Monica

He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool.

他来了，酷一点。

(The guy walks past them)

（那个男人从她们身边走过。）

Guy

Nice hat.

好帽子。

Monica and Phoebe

(in unison) Thanks.

（齐声）谢谢。

(The guy walks on)

（男人继续走。）

Phoebe

We should do something. Whistle.

我们应该有所行动，吹口哨。

Monica

We are not going to whistle.

我不吹。

Phoebe

Come on, do it.

快吹。

Monica

No!

不。

Phoebe

Do it!

吹。

Monica

No!

不。

Phoebe

Do it do it do it!

吹，吹，吹！

Monica

(Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!

（对男人喊）呜——呜！

(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)

（男人转身，吓了一跳。莫妮卡指向菲比。男人被卡车撞了。）

Phoebe

I can't believe you did that!

我无法相信你会这样！

Opening Credits

片头

Monica

Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'?

我为何会学狼叫？我期望会发生什么？他回头说“我喜欢那声音，我现在就要你”？

Phoebe

I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!

我只希望我们能帮上一点忙。（弯腰对他说话）嘿，昏迷中的帅哥。起来！起来！起来！

Monica

Phoebe, what are you doing?

菲比，你在干什么？

Phoebe

Maybe nobody's tried this.

或许没人试过这一招。

Monica

I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.

希望至少能知道他的名字。瞧他这张脸，即使他在昏迷中仍一副聪明样。我猜他是个律师。

Phoebe

Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.

但是，你看见他手关节上的凹凸么？那说明他是个艺术家。

Monica

Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!

他是个兼职教雕塑的律师，而且他会跳舞！

Phoebe

Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.

他是那种静静听你讲话的人，不是说“我了解”，而猜想着你裸体的样子。

Monica

I wish all guys could be like him.

我希望男生都像他这样。

Phoebe

I know.

我知道。

Chandler

Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?

纽约难道没有适合你们的清醒男生？

Monica

He doesn't have anyone.

他身旁没人照顾。

Phoebe

Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.

对，我们觉得应该负起责任。

Joey

I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo.

我不敢相信你会吹口哨，连我都不吹口哨。

Rachel

Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV)

她出现了，她出现了！（打开电视）

Jay Leno

(on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.

（电视上）各位，稍后我们将谈论她的新书《豪放女》，永远引人入胜的诺拉·泰勒·宾。你得叫你的孩子上床睡觉了。

(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)

（大家都坐下准备看，只有钱德勒除外。）

Chandler

Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.

我们别看这个。电影台有许多好电影。

Rachel

No way, forget it.

不行，没门。

Joey

C'mon, she's your mom!

拜托，作者是你妈妈！

Chandler

Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?

柏尼斯之周末夜！死人的腹股沟被打二，三十次！不要？

Rachel

Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!

钱德勒，我得告诉你，我爱你妈的书！她的书简直是酷毙了。

Chandler

Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'

如果你小时候朋友争相传阅“情妇婊子”的79页，你就不会认为酷了。

Ross

C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.

拜托，我爱你妈，她是第一流的。

Chandler

You can say that because she's not your mom.

你当然能这样说，因为她不是你妈。

Ross

Oh, please...

拜托……

(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)

（瑞秋给保罗开门。）

Paolo

Bona sera.

晚上好。

Rachel

Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss)

哦，亲爱的。（他们亲吻。）

Ross

When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?

那个意大利人何时从罗马回来？

Monica

Last night.

昨晚。

Ross

Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.

他的飞机没在空中炸成火球？只是我做过的一个梦？

Phoebe

Hey hey hey! She's on!

嘿，她出现了！

Paolo

Ah! Nora Bing!

啊，诺拉·宾！

Jay Leno

(on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?

（电视上）听说你在伦敦被逮捕？是怎么回事？

Phoebe

Your mom was arrested?

你妈被逮捕？

Chandler

Shhh, busy beaming with pride.

安静，我正感到无比的骄傲。

Mrs. Bing

(on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...

（电视上）说来有点难为情，不过偶尔和一个男人亲热后……

Chandler

Now why would she say that's embarrassing?

她怎会说难为情？

All

Shhh.

嘘。

Mrs. Bing

(on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.

（电视上）只因我很想吃宫保鸡丁。

Chandler

THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!

透露太多了！

Jay Leno

(on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?

（电视上）现在你正为新书做宣传，情况如何？

Mrs. Bing

(on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...

（电视上）还不错，明天我将前往纽约。其实我不喜欢纽约，我的儿子住那儿，我爱他……

All

Awww!

啊！

Chandler

This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.

母亲只会透过电话这么说。

Jay Leno

(on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...

（电视上）别会错意，只是我看不出你已为人母，我绝对没有恶意……

Mrs. Bing

(on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.

（电视上）不，我是个很前卫的母亲。我儿子的第一个保险套是我买给他的。

(The gang turn to look at Chandler)

（大家转头看钱德勒。）

Chandler

...And then he burst into flames.

然后他就欲火焚身。

Monica

Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.

国会正讨论新削减赤字法案，市长想再度提高地铁票价，今天最高气温是45度，还有各球队正在比赛。

Phoebe

What about Glen? He could be a Glen.

格伦如何？可以叫他格伦。

Monica

Nah... not-not special enough.

不，还不够特别。

Phoebe

Ooh! How about Agamemnon?

阿格曼侬如何？

Monica

Waaay too special.

太特别了。

Mrs. Bing

I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's menu)

我饿死了，我想吃什么呢？（看钱德勒的菜单）

Chandler

Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.

拜托，别又是宫保鸡丁。

Mrs. Bing

Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?

你看了那节目，感觉如何？

Chandler

Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.

我觉得你可以更开放一些……

Ross

(Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.

（进来）为何选在这种二流餐厅？只有你才会选这种地方。

Mrs. Bing

Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.

闭嘴，这样满不错的。来，抱一个。好吧，我想我们可以喝点龙舌酒了。

Chandler

I know I am.

我知道我可以。

Mrs. Bing

Who's doing shots?

谁要来点儿？

Monica

Yeah.

我也要。

Phoebe

I'm in.

我也要。

Mrs. Bing

There y'go. Ross?

给你。罗斯？

Ross

Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.

我不喝酒。

(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)

（瑞秋和保罗进来，两人都有些慌乱。）

Rachel

Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, lost track of time.

抱歉，我们迟到了，我们有点忘了时间。

Ross

...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)

男人可以改变。（干了一杯。）

Ross

Anyone want me to appraise anything?

有人要我评价任何事物吗？

(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)

（瑞秋喂保罗吃东西。他吃了，舔她的手。）

Rachel

Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.

宾太太，我得告诉你，我拜读过你所有的大作。我是说真的，我读《浪漫夜》后，就一心想成为作家。

Mrs. Bing

Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book.

别这么说，亲爱的，我能办到大家都能办到。你只需先描述几个欧洲城市，以委婉语形容男性生殖器，这样就能写成一本书了。

Chandler

Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.

各位，我母亲。

Mrs. Bing

Yeah, any messages for room 226?

226房有留言吗？

(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')

（罗斯从标有“女”的厕所出来。）

Mrs. Bing

You okay there, slugger?

你还好吧，猛男？

Ross

Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)

我还好，还好。（一个女人从他身后的厕所出来，他试图假装自己在另一边。）

Mrs. Bing

What is with you tonight?

你今晚怎么了？

Ross

Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.

没什么。

Mrs. Bing

(To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.

（对电话）谢谢。（对罗斯）是因为那个意大利舔手男？

Ross

No. It's the one he's licking.

不，是因为被他舔的人。

Mrs. Bing

She's supposed to be with you.

她应该和你在一起。

Ross

You're good.

你真行。

Mrs. Bing

Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?

罗斯，我卖出上亿本的书，知道为什么吗？

Ross

The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?

因为封面上的辣妹露两点？

Mrs. Bing

No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.

不，因为我知道怎样去描写会被女人们爱上的男人。相信我，保罗没有卖点。没人有兴趣翻325页看保罗的罗曼史，他不过是个二等货，不过是最后被你终结的纠葛。

Ross

When?

什么时候？

Mrs. Bing

He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.

他不女人心中的英雄。知道我们心中的英雄是什么样的么？

Ross

The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?

封面上露两点的猛男？

Mrs. Bing

No, it's you!

是你啊！

Ross

Please.

不，我是说真的。

Mrs. Bing

No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy...

不，我是说真的，你既聪明又性感……

Ross

Right.

是呀。

Mrs. Bing

You are gonna be fine, believe me.

你会走出阴霾的，相信我。

(She kisses him on the cheek)

（她亲他的脸颊。）

Ross

Uh-oh...

哦……

(...Then full on the mouth)

（……然后吻嘴。）

(Enter Joey)

（乔伊进来。）

Joey

Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street.

我到街上尿就好了。

Commercial Break

广告时间

Ross

Hey, is Chandler here?

嘿，钱德勒在吗？

Joey

Yeah.

在。

(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)

（罗斯把乔伊拖到走廊，关上门。）

Ross

Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?

好吧，昨晚的事你没告诉钱德勒吧？（乔伊摇头）我想我们不需告诉他。只是个吻，没什么大不了的。对吗？

Joey

Right. No big deal.

对，没什么大不了的。

Ross

Okay.

好。

Joey

In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!

在疯狂世界中才叫没什么！你违反规定！

Ross

What code?

什么规定？

Joey

You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!

不能亲朋友母亲的规定！姐妹还可以，火辣的姑妈或许，但母亲不行，绝对不行！

(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)

（钱德勒开门，吓到他们。他拿起报纸。）

Chandler

What are you guys doing out here?

你们在外面干什么？

Ross

Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.

乔伊和我说过要早起去打回力球，显然有人睡过头。

Joey

Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.

对，你没带球拍？

Ross

No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.

不，我的拍子拿去换线了，有人应该帮我准备一支。

Joey

Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.

是吗？你没说握把的尺寸。

Chandler

Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)

你们俩真会浪费时间。（回屋关上门。）

Ross

Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum.

好吧，我是个人渣。

Joey

Ross, how could you let this happen?

罗斯，你怎能让这种事发生？

Ross

I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's...

我也不知道。她不像是一般的妈妈，她很性感……

Joey

You don't think my mom's sexy?

你认为我妈不性感？

Ross

Well... not in the same way...

不一样的性感……

Joey

I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?

我妈当年也是很美丽的，你认为生7个小孩是件容易的事？

Ross

Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...

我们愈谈愈离谱了……

(Monica and Rachel's door opens and Rachel and Paolo emerge)

（莫妮卡和瑞秋的门打开，瑞秋和保罗出来。）

Rachel

Hey.

嘿。

Ross

Hey.

嘿。

Rachel

What're you guys doing out here?

你们在这儿干什么？

Ross

Well, not playing raquetball!

不是打回力球！

Joey

He forgot to leave his grip size!

他忘了告诉我握把尺寸！

Ross

He didn't get the goggles!

他没带护目镜！

Rachel

Well,sounds like you two have issues.

看起来好像你们两个关系暧昧。

(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)

（她和保罗沿着走廊走了一段。）

Rachel

Goodbye, baby.

再见，宝贝。

Paolo

Ciao, bela.

再见，美人。

(They kiss. Ross is watching them)

（他们接吻。罗斯看着他们。）

Ross

Do they wait for me to do this?

他们在等我做这件事？

(Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment)

（乔伊和罗斯走进莫妮卡和瑞秋的公寓。）

Joey

So are you gonna tell him?

你到底要不要告诉他？

Ross

Why would I tell him?

为何要告诉他？

Joey

How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.

如果你不说他妈或许会。

Ross

Oh...

哦……

Monica

(Entering) What are you guys doing here?

（进来）你们在这儿干什么？

Joey

Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!

他没穿护裆！

Monica

...What did I ask?

我刚问什么？

Monica

Hi.

嘿。

Phoebe

Hi.

嘿。

Monica

What are you doing here?

你在这儿干什么？

Phoebe

Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?

没什么，我只是顺路……你知道，所以你来这儿干什么？

Monica

I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?

我其实没在这儿。只是顺路把这些送过来……你常来吗？不和我一起？

Phoebe

No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?

没有。（莫妮卡把男人的头发往另一边梳）不！不！所以，你认为他比今早好点没？

Monica

How would I know? I-I wasn't here.

我怎会知道？我又没来。

Phoebe

Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)

真的？也没替他换睡衣？（掀开床单，露出他穿着新睡衣。）

Chandler

Oh my God.

我的天。

Ross

You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.

你是我朋友，我得告诉你。

Chandler

I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?

我简直不敢相信。保罗亲了我妈？

Ross

Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.

对，我不知道你是否注意到，他喝了很多酒。他酒醉的模样你也见识过……我办不到……是我，抱歉，是我亲了你妈。

Chandler

What?

什么？

Ross

I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in-

瑞秋和保罗的事令我很沮丧，我想我是喝太多龙舌酒，诺拉——宾太太——只是对我很体贴……没发生什么事。问乔伊，乔伊走进来……

Chandler

(To Joey) You knew about this?

（对乔伊）你知道这件事？

Joey

Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing.

知识是很奇怪的。

Chandler

I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!

我整天都和你在一起，你为何没告诉我？

Joey

Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.

他们被我逮到算你幸运，不然后果可不堪设想。

Ross

Thanks, man, big help.

谢了，老兄，大忙一个。

Chandler

(To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?

（对罗斯）我简直无法相信，你到底在想什么？

Ross

I wasn't- I mean, I-

我没有……我不知道……

Chandler

Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.

我和我妈之间的鸟事，朋友中属你最清楚了。

Ross

I know-

我知道……

Chandler

I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)

我无法相信你会做这种事。（朝门走去。）

Ross

Chandler-

钱德勒……

Joey

Me neither, y'know what-

我也一样……

Chandler

I'm still mad at you for not telling me.

我仍在气你没告诉我。

Joey

What are you mad at me for?!

你没告诉我为何气我？

Ross

Chandler-

钱德勒……

Chandler

You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door)

让我用力关门吧。（离开，用力关门。）

Joey

(Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?

（朝他喊）钱德勒，我没亲她，亲的人是他！（对罗斯）违反规定就是这种下场。

Ross

Joey-

乔伊……

Joey

Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)

（指着门）嗯？（离开，用力关门。）

Monica

Hey.

嘿。

Rachel

Hey.

嘿。

Monica

(Reading) 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'.

（读）“丢脸的女人”瑞秋·凯瑞·格林。

Rachel

Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?

对，我想尝试一下。我仍在写第一章。你认为他“粗棉布监牢”中的“爱棒”能获得解放吗？

Monica

(Reads) Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'.

（读）我想可以吧。另外你拼错词了。

Phoebe

(Walks up with her guitar) Hey Rach.

（拿着吉他走过来）嘿，瑞秋。

Rachel

Hey.

嘿。

Phoebe

Hello.

嘿。

Monica

Hello.

嘿。

Phoebe

Going to the hospital tonight?

你今晚要去医院吗？

Monica

No, you?

没有，你呢？

Phoebe

No, you?

没有，你呢？

Monica

You just asked me.

你刚问过了。

Phoebe

Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now?

好吧，或许这是个圈套。（弹了几个和弦）瑞秋，我们现在能开始了吗？

Rachel

Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot!

好。（又写了一点）我好兴奋！

Joey

(To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.

（对沙发上的罗斯）这是我爸妈在婚礼时照的。你告诉我，她不是旷世美人。

Ross

I cannot believe we're having this conversation.

没想到我们会谈论这个。

Joey

C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.

就试着想像她没挺着大肚子。

Rachel

(Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.

（对麦克风）Central Perk很荣幸为各位介绍菲比·布菲小姐。

Phoebe

Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)

谢谢。这首歌是有关个我刚认识的男生，他已成为我生命中重要的男人。（莫妮卡看她一眼）好吧。（唱）

There's something I have got to say...

你无须醒来当我的男人，

(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)

（她看到莫妮卡偷偷溜走）谢谢各位，我得暂停下。（跑出去，撞倒麦克风架。）

Rachel

(Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!

（对麦克风）我们感谢菲比·布菲小姐。喔！

(Enter Chandler)

（钱德勒进来。）

Chandler

What was that?

她在搞什么东西？

Ross

Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...

菲比刚……

Chandler

Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)

我是和乔伊讲话，亲我妈妈的人？（走向吧台。）

Joey

(Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut up.

（笑）亲我妈妈的人……（看到罗斯的表情）我闭嘴。

Ross

Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.

钱德勒，我能说几句话吗？我知道你仍在生我的气，我只想说那一夜有两个人，两双嘴唇。

Chandler

Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.

是哦，我预料到她会如此。她一直都是个佛洛依德梦魇。

Ross

Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?

如果她都是如此，你为何不找她谈谈？

Chandler

Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom!

因为太复杂了，这是个情结——嘿，你亲了我妈！

(People turn to look)

（人们转头看。）

Ross

(To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.

（对咖啡馆其他人）我们正在排练希腊剧。

Chandler

That's very funny. We done now?

真幽默，排练完没？

Ross

No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?

还没，你不找她谈？不说出你的感受？

Chandler

That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.

我依然不会找她谈。别因为你亲过她就自以为了解她。相信我，不能找她谈。

Ross

Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaaah!

到底是能还是不能？（钱德勒抓住他的手指）那是我的手指。（钱德勒扭手指，罗斯单膝跪下）那是我的膝盖。（对咖啡馆众人）还在排练。啊！

Phoebe

Alright, whadyou do with him?

你对他怎么了？

(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)

（马桶冲水声，昏迷男人从浴室出来。）

Monica

Oh! You're awake!

你醒了！

Phoebe

Look at you! How, how do you feel?

你瞧你，感觉如何？

Coma Guy

Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.

头有点晕，基本上还行。

Monica

You look good!

你的气色好极了。

Coma Guy

I feel good! ...Who are you?

我感觉好极了！你们是谁？

Monica

Oh, sorry.

抱歉。

Phoebe

I'm Phoebe Buffay.

我叫菲比。

Monica

I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.

我叫莫妮卡，我一直在照顾你。

Phoebe

Well, we both have.

我们一直在照顾你。

Coma Guy

So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?

蚀刻艺术是你们送的？

Phoebe

Well, actually it's just from me.

其实只有我一个。

Monica

I got you the foot massager.

我替你做脚底按摩。

Phoebe

You know who shaved you? That was me.

知道是谁帮你刮胡子的吗？是我。

Monica

I read to you.

我念书给你听。

Phoebe

I sang. (To Monica) Hah!

我唱歌给你听。（对莫妮卡）哈！

Coma Guy

Well,... thanks.

谢了。

Monica

Oh, my pleasure.

我的荣幸。

Phoebe

You're welcome.

不客气。

Coma Guy

So. I guess I'll see you around.

我想我会再见到你们的。

Phoebe

What, that's it?

什么？就这样？

Monica

"See you around?"

再见？

Coma Guy

Well, what do you want me to say?

不然要我说什么？

Monica

Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"

我不知道。或许该说“你们真好”？我很感激？“我会打电话给你们的”？

Coma Guy

Alright, I'll call you.

好吧，我会打的。

Phoebe

I don't think you mean that.

一点诚意都没有。

Monica

This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.

男生都这样。我们不断付出，没有任何回报。有一天他醒来却只说再见。走吧，菲比。

Phoebe

Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.

知道吗？我们以为你与众不同，我想这只是昏迷的缘故。

Mrs. Bing

Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?

楼下的车已发动，我只想拿几本我的书给你朋友。需要我在里斯本帮你买什么吗？

Chandler

No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough.

不需要，知道你要去就够了。

Mrs. Bing

Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses him and goes to leave)

好吧，要乖哦，我爱你。（吻他，准备离开。）

Chandler

You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.

你亲了我最好的罗斯！好像说错了，反正差不多。

Mrs. Bing

(Reentering) O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid.

（重新进来）好吧，我做了蠢事。

Chandler

Really stupid.

愚蠢至极。

Mrs. Bing

Really stupid. And I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will never happen again. Are we okay now?

愚蠢至极。我也不知道是怎么发生的。抱歉，孩子，我保证不会再发生这种事。你没事了吧？

Chandler

Yeah. No. No...

是的。不。不……

Ross

Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.

男人与门之间禁忌的爱。

Joey

Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.

嘘。他说了，他在责备她。不只是亲吻的事，一切都说出来了。

Ross

You're kidding.

你在开玩笑吧？

Joey

No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"

不是。他说“你何时才能成熟开始当个妈？”

Ross

Wow!

哇！

Joey

Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"

等等，她回答说“你何时才能长大了解我是个性感女郎？”

Ross

'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"

等等，你确定她不是说“你何时才能长大了解我是你妈？”

Joey

That makes more sense.

这样比较合理。

Ross

So, what's going on now?

现在情况为何？

Joey

I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)

我不知道，我一直在这儿说给你听！（回到门边）我什么都听不到。等等……（透过猫眼看。）

Ross

Whaddya see?

你看见什么？

Joey

Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!

很难说，他们好小而且上下颠倒。他们走过来……他们走过去……不，他们没有，他们走过来了，快逃！

(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)

（乔伊沿走廊跑开。罗斯试着开莫妮卡和瑞秋的门，但锁着，只好站在走廊假装没在偷听。钱德勒和他母亲出来。）

Mrs. Bing

You okay, kiddo?

你还好吧，孩子？

Chandler

Yeah, okay.

还好。

Mrs. Bing

Alright. (Kisses him)

好吧。（吻他。）

Chandler

Nice save.

注意安全。

(She walks down the hall)

（她沿走廊离开。）

Ross

(Very politely) Mrs. Bing.

（很礼貌地）宾太太。

Mrs. Bing

Mr. Geller.

罗斯先生。

(She leaves)

（她离开。）

(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door)

（罗斯敲莫妮卡和瑞秋的门。）

Chandler

Hey.

嘿。

Ross

You mean that?

你当真？

Chandler

Yeah, why not. (They shake hands) So I told her.

对，有何不可？（他们握手）我告诉她了。

Ross

Yeah? How'd it go?

怎样？

Chandler

Awful. Awful. Couldn't'a gone worse.

简直是可笑到了极点。

Ross

Well, howdya feel?

感觉怎样？

Chandler

Pretty good! I told her.

不错！我告诉她了。

Ross

Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.

瞧，或许我亲你妈不是个馊主意……嗯？（对钱德勒摇手指，又放下）但我们不必继续往下说了。

Closing Credits

片尾

Rachel

Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.

这是第一章，我要大家坦白的意见。在第二页中，他的手没伸向她那灰尖挺的双峰。

Monica

What's a 'niffle'?

什么是“如头”？

Joey

You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.

通常在双峰上可以找到。

Rachel

Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...

好吧……算我不会打字。

Ross

Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!

直到你伸人他那颤动的“笔”，他用那支笔时你不会想在场的。

Rachel

Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it!

够了，还我……够了。

All

Nooo!

不！

End

剧终