The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)

Monica

There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!

没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！

Joey

Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!

少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！

Chandler

All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?

打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背又带假发？

Phoebe

Wait, does he eat chalk?

慢着，他吃粉笔吗？

(They all stare, bemused.)

（他们都盯着看，困惑。）

Phoebe

Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!

我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。

Monica

Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐，而且不做爱。

Chandler

Sounds like a date to me.

听起来好像是说我的约会。

Chandler

Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.

记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，突然发现自己全身赤裸。

All

Oh, yeah. Had that dream.

我做过那样的梦。

Chandler

Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.

我低头一看，看见有一支电话......在那儿。

Joey

Instead of...?

而不是......？

Chandler

That's right.

没错。

Joey

Never had that dream.

我没做过那样的梦，没有。

Phoebe

No.

没有。

Chandler

All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.

那支电话突然响起，而我不知道怎么办，每个人都开始望着我。

Monica

And they weren't looking at you before?!

他们以前不看你吗？！

Chandler

Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!

终于，我认为我应该接，结果是我妈打来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过电话给我！

Ross

(mortified) Hi.

（尴尬地）嗨。

Joey

This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。

Monica

Are you okay, sweetie?

你还好吧？

Ross

I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...

我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我的肠子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我脖上......

Chandler

Cookie?

饼干？

Monica

(explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.

（向其他人解释）卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。

Joey

Ohh.

哦。

Monica

(to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.

（对罗斯）我帮你泡杯咖啡。

Ross

Thanks.

谢了。

Phoebe

Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)

哦！噢！（她开始在罗斯面前的空气中拨弄。）

Ross

No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

不要......别清理我的灵气。可是......别碰我的灵气就是了。

Phoebe

Fine! Be murky!

好吧，保持晦气！

Ross

I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.

我会没事的，真的，我祝她幸福。

Monica

No you don't.

不，你不会的。

Ross

No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!

我不会的，去她的，她甩掉我！

Joey

And you never knew she was a lesbian...

而且你一直都不知道她是女同性恋者。

Ross

No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?

没有！！行了吧？！为何大家都围着这个话题打转？连她不知道，我怎会知道。

Chandler

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?

有时真希望自己也是个女同志。（他们都盯着他。）我刚刚大声说出来了吗？

Ross

I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.

昨晚我告诉我父母，他们好像还挺好。

Monica

Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?

真的吗，凌晨三点我接到一个电话，一个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉，“我不能抱孙子了，我不能抱孙子了。”那是什么？打错了？

Ross

Sorry.

对不起。

Joey

Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

别闷闷不乐了，罗斯。你现在很痛苦。我一肚子火，心如刀割。能告诉你解决之道吗？

(Ross gestures his consent.)

（罗斯示意同意。）

Joey

Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!

脱衣舞酒店。你单身，有性需求。

Ross

I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!

我不想单身的。我只想再结婚。

Chandler

And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)

我只想要一百万！（他充满希望地伸出手。）

Monica

Rachel?!

瑞秋？！

(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)

（瑞秋穿着湿透的婚纱走进来，开始在房间里找。）

Rachel

Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!

天啊，莫妮卡，谢天谢地！我到过你的住处，你不在。有个拿着一根大榔头的人说你可能会在这儿，结果你真的在这儿。

Waitress

Can I get you some coffee?

想来杯咖啡吗？

Monica

(pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?

（指着瑞秋）无咖啡因的。（对大家）各位，她叫瑞秋，另一位从林肯高中生存下来的人。（对瑞秋）这位是钱德勒、菲比、乔伊。还记得我哥罗斯吗？

Rachel

Hi, sure!

当然。

Ross

Hi.

嗨。

(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)

（他们去拥抱，但罗斯的伞突然打开。他泄气地坐回去。瑞秋坐下，其他人等着她解释，一阵沉默。）

Monica

So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

你想现在告诉我们，还是等伴娘来再说？

Rachel

Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.

天啊......婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼物的房间里，看着船形卤肉盘，非常漂亮的船形卤肉盘，突然间——（对送咖啡的女侍者）有没有代糖？——我意识到，这个船形卤肉盘比巴瑞更能引起我的“性趣”，我自己都吓了一跳。然后我猛然发现：巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直都认为他很眼熟。总之，我必须离开。我开始想，我为何这么做？我为谁这样做？于是我不知该走往何处，我知道你我日渐疏远。但是你是我在这个城市认识的唯一一个人。

Monica

Who wasn't invited to the wedding.

好像是唯一没受邀参加婚礼的人。

Rachel

Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...

这件事就甭提啦。

Monica

Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.

我猜他送她一台管风琴，她肯定不喜欢。

Chandler

(imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!

（模仿角色）金枪鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉？快决定！

Ross

(in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.

（低沉的声音）我要拥有克莉丝汀拥有的一切。

Rachel

(on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!

（打电话）爸，我不能嫁给他......对不起，我只是不爱他。对，是我的问题！

(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)

（电视画面变为两个女人，一个抓着自己的头发。）

Phoebe

If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.

如果我没了头发，还不如去死。

Chandler

(re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.

（对电视）她不该穿那条裤子。

Joey

I say push her down the stairs.

我建议推她下楼。

Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!

菲比、罗斯、钱德勒、乔伊： 推她下楼！推她下楼！推她下楼！

(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)

（她被推下楼梯，大家欢呼。）

Rachel

C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!

爸，你听我说......大家这样评价我这一辈子：你是一只鞋......今天我倒想看看如果我不再是鞋会怎样。我说如果我想当皮包呢？或是帽子呢？不，我不需你帮我买帽子。我说我是一顶帽子。爸，这是一种比喻。

Ross

You can see where he'd have trouble.

你看他也有些问题。

Rachel

Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.

爸，这是我的人生。或许我会和莫妮卡住在这儿。

Monica

Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...

我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这儿。

Rachel

Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!

或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的钱。等一下，等一下......我说的是或许！！

Monica

Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...

深呼吸，就这样。试着想着美好的事物......

Phoebe

(sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...

（唱）玫瑰上的雨滴，猫嘴上的胡须，门铃和雪橇之类的。啦 啦 啦......还有手套......

Rachel

I'm all better now.

我现在好多了。

Phoebe

(grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!

（笑着走到厨房对钱德勒和乔伊说）我的功劳。

Monica

Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.

或许这样最好，要自立，决定自己的事情。

Joey

(comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.

（安慰她）有任何需要找乔伊准没错。我和钱德勒就住在对面，而且他经常不在家。

Monica

Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!

乔伊，少趁虚而入了，今天是她大喜的日子。

Joey

What, like there's a rule or something?

什么？有规定不能吗？

(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)

（门铃响，钱德勒去接。）

Chandler

Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.

别再这样，声音很刺耳。

Paul

(over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.

（对讲机）我是保罗。

Monica

Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!

天啊，6:30了吗？让他进来！

Joey

Who's Paul?

保罗是谁？

Ross

Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?

调酒的那个保罗？

Monica

Maybe.

或许吧。

Joey

Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?

等等，你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个保罗约会吧？

Ross

He finally asked you out?

他终于开口约你了？

Monica

Yes!

对。

Chandler

Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.

终于被你等到了。

Monica

Rach, wait, I can cancel...

瑞秋，等等，我可以取消。

Rachel

Please, no, go, that'd be fine!

不用了，你去吧，我不会有事的。

Monica

(to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?

（对罗斯）罗斯，你没事吧。你要我留下来吗？

Ross

(choked voice) That'd be good...

（哽咽）那样最好......

Monica

(horrified) Really?

（惊恐）真的吗？

Ross

(normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!

（正常声音）假的，去吧！是保罗，调酒师耶！

Phoebe

What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot?

什么意思？他是卖酒的，喝酒的，还是评酒的？

(Chandler doesn't know.)

（钱德勒不知道。）

(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)

（敲门声，是保罗。）

Monica

Hi, come in! Paul, this is... (They are all lined up next to the door.) ... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.

请进！保罗，这位是......各位，各位，他就是保罗。

All

Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!

嘿！保罗！嗨！调酒大师！

Chandler

I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?

抱歉，我没听清楚你名字。保罗，是吗？

Monica

Okay, umm-umm, I'll just-- I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...

我马上就好，我去，去......

Ross

A wandering?

神魂恍惚啦？

Monica

Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.

换衣服！请坐。（让保罗坐下）两秒钟。

Phoebe

Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.

我刚拔掉四根睫毛，不妙。

(Monica goes to change.)

（莫妮卡去换衣服。）

Joey

Hey, Paul!

嗨，保罗！

Paul

Yeah?

嗯？

Joey

Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.

一个小秘密，莫妮卡其实就喜欢这样，你摩擦她脖子的同一个地方，反反复复，直到那里开始有点发红。

Monica

(yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!

（从卧室喊）乔伊你给我闭嘴！

Ross

So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?

瑞秋，你打算如何渡过今晚？

Rachel

Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!

我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中，因此没了！

Ross

Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.

我懂，你没去渡蜜月。虽然阿鲁巴在此时......有很多......大蜥蜴，如果你今晚不想独处，乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我组合新家俱。

Chandler

(deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.

（面无表情）对，我们都相当兴奋。

Rachel

Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.

谢谢，但我今晚想待在这儿，我折磨了一天。

Ross

Okay, sure.

好吧，当然。

Joey

Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?

菲比，想帮忙吗？

Phoebe

Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

我可以去，但我不去。

Phoebe

(singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love... is like a giant pigeon... crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh!

（唱）爱情似炎炎夏日中的阵雨般美妙，爱情是神奇的艺术品，但你的爱，噢你的爱......就像一只大鸽子......在我心上拉屎。啦-啦-啦-啦-啦- （有人给她钱，对那人）谢谢。（唱）啦-啦-啦-啦......噢！

Ross

(squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.

（蹲着看说明书）我应该用蜗杆将托架装在侧面，但我没看见托架和蜗杆，而且，我的脚好麻。

(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)

（乔伊和钱德勒快把书架装好了。）

Joey

I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.

我想我们做好书架了。

Chandler

It's a beautiful thing.

真漂亮。

Joey

(picking up a leftover part) What's this?

（捡起多出来的零件）这是什么？

Chandler

I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.

我只能说这是个“L”型托架。

Joey

Which goes where?

是哪儿的？

Chandler

I have no idea.

我也不知道。

(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)

（乔伊看罗斯没注意，把它扔进花盆。）

Joey

Done with the bookcase!

书架做好了！

Chandler

All finished!

终于做好了！

Ross

(clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.

（抓着啤酒罐闻）这是卡罗最爱喝的啤酒。她总是不用杯子喝，我早应该看出蛛丝马迹。

Joey

Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.

嗨............如果你再这样，我们就走了。

Chandler

Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.

对啊，请不要破坏这里的乐趣。

Joey

Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?

罗斯，我问你一个问题。她分得家俱、音响和好电视。你分得什么？

Ross

You guys.

你们。

Chandler

Oh, God.

天啊。

Joey

You got screwed.

你昏头了吧。

Chandler

Oh my God!

嗯，天啊！

Monica

Oh my God!

嗯，天啊。

Paul

I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?

我知道，我是个大白痴。她每周看四五次牙医时我就该了解，我指牙齿能有多干净？

Monica

My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?

我哥正承受着这种痛苦，一副失魂落魄的样子。你是怎么熬过来的？

Paul

Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-

你可以不小心砸烂她贵着的东西，如她的......

Monica

-leg?

......腿？

Paul

(laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.

（笑）这样也不赖！我......我砸烂了她的表。

Monica

You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded my boyfriend's favorite bath towel.

你真的砸烂过她的表？哇！我做过的最坏的事情是，我撕碎了男朋友最喜欢的浴巾。

Paul

Ooh, steer clear of you.

嗯，机智脱身。

Monica

That's right.

对啊。

Rachel

Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway... look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The machine cuts her off again and she redials.)

巴瑞，真是对不起。你一定认为此事与我那次说的话有关，关于你做爱时穿着袜子，其实不是，问题出在我身上，我......（停下，拨电话）嗨，答录机又把我挂断了。不管怎样......瞧瞧，瞧瞧，我知道某个女孩会不可思议地成为凡可•巴瑞太太，但那不是我，不是我。而我现在连我自己是谁都不知道，但你还应该给我一个机会向你......（答录机再次挂断，她重拨。）

Ross

I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!

我离婚啦！我才26岁就离婚啦！

Joey

Shut up!

闭嘴！

Chandler

You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)

你还是停下来吧！（钱德勒用锤子敲他正在弄的东西，散架了。）

Ross

That only took me an hour.

我才花了一小时。

Chandler

Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!

看啊，罗斯，你应该理解，我们认识不是太久，但你和一个女人相爱已经四年了，四年的封闭和分享，最后她把你的心都麻醉了，这就是我们为什么不这样做！这还不是最重要的！

Ross

You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...

你知道最可怕的是什么？万一每个人一生只有一个女人怎么办？我的意思是如果你只有一个女人时该怎么办？不幸地我唯一的女人爱的是......她......

Joey

What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!

你在说什么？一个女人？那就像在说你只能吃一种口味的冰淇淋。罗斯，告诉你吧，冰淇淋的口种有千百种。有各种点心糖果冰淇淋......你可以加上小糖条或是核果，或是奶油，这是你一生中最美好的事。你八岁时就结婚了吧？欢迎来到世界！抓住勺子！

Ross

I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.

我真的不知道自己是饥渴还是欲火焚身？

Chandler

Stay out of my freezer!

那么就别碰我家的冰箱。

Paul

Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...

自从她甩掉我之后，我......

Monica

What? ... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?

什么？............什么，你打算边嚼面条边讲？

Paul

No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.

不，这就像是“第五次约会真情告白”。

Monica

Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?

有第五次约会？

Paul

Isn't there?

不需要吗？

Monica

Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?

需要，我想需要的。你刚才想说什么？

Paul

Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.

这个......呃......自从她离开后，我就一直无法......没做过......性方面的。

Monica

(spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...

（震惊喷出饮料）天啊，天啊，对不起，对不起。

Paul

It's okay...

没关系......

Monica

I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?

你现在需要的应该不是让人吐口水吧。多久了？

Paul

Two years.

两年了。

Monica

Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!

哇！真高兴你砸烂了她的表！

Paul

So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?

你还想要第五次约会？

Monica

(pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.

（停顿）......当然想。

Priest on TV

We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bounds of holy matrimony.

我们今天来这里参加乔安妮•路易丝•坎宁安和查尔斯•恰棋-恰棋-恰棋•阿可勒的神圣婚礼。

Rachel

Oh... see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!

喔......看......乔安妮爱的是恰棋。差别就在这儿！

Ross

(scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?

（轻蔑）抓住勺子。知道我等着“抓这把勺子”等了多久吗？你对“此尔，别逞英雄”这句话有感觉吗？

Joey

Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)

非常对不起！但我要走了，我有个约会，和安德里亚......安吉拉......安德里亚......（看向钱德勒）

Chandler

Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.

安吉拉喜欢尖叫，安德里亚养猫。

Joey

Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)

对。谢谢。六月份了。我走了。（离开。）

Ross

Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)

是这样的。就算我鼓起勇气约女人出去，但我要约谁呀？（凝视窗外。）

Rachel

Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.

神奇吧？我这辈子从没泡过咖啡。

Chandler

That is amazing.

真神奇。

Joey

Congratulations.

恭喜了。

Rachel

Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.

你看，我觉得只要我会泡咖啡，就没有什么不行。

Chandler

If I can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.

如果能侵入波兰，就能征服一切。

Joey

Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...

如果你兴致大发想做蛋饼，（乔伊和钱德勒尝了咖啡，做鬼脸，倒进花盆）老实说我不太饿......

Monica

(entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.

（进来，自言自语）好啊，Lenny和Squigy来啦。

All

Morning. Good morning.

早安。早安。

Paul

(entering from Monica's room) Morning.

（从莫妮卡房间出来）早安。

Joey

Morning, Paul.

早安，保罗。

Rachel

Hello, Paul.

你好，保罗。

Chandler

Hi, Paul, is it?

嗨，保罗，是吗？？

(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)

（莫妮卡和保罗走到门口低声交谈，别人听不见。大家把桌子挪近门口偷听。）

Paul

Thank you! Thank you so much!

谢谢你！太谢谢你了！

Monica

Stop!

好了！

Paul

No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.

不行，我要告诉你昨晚就像我所有的生日，毕业典礼，和《证人》里谷仓收获季节加在一起一样。

Monica

We'll talk later.

晚点打电话。

Paul

Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)

好。（接吻）谢谢。（离开）

Joey

That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?

那还不叫约会？！那你真正的约会到底干些什么？

Monica

Shut up, and put my table back.

闭嘴，把桌子抬回去。

All

Okayyy! (They do so.)

好吧！（他们照做。）

Chandler

All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...

孩子们，我要上班去了。如果我不输入那些数字......也没什么关系......

Rachel

So, like, you guys all have jobs?

你们大伙儿都有工作？

Monica

Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.

对，我们都有工作。这样才有钱买东西。

Joey

Yeah, I'm an actor.

对，我是个演员。

Rachel

Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?

我见过你吗？？

Joey

I doubt it. Mostly regional work.

大概没见过吧。我大部份都是在地区性的节目中演出。

Monica

Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.

等等，除非你看过小木偶的重播。

Joey

Look, it was a job all right?

这也算是工作吧？

Chandler

'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'

“瞧，盖佩多，我是个活生生的小男孩。”

Joey

I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)

我不会理睬这种羞辱。（走到门口开门离开。）

Chandler

You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."

你说得对，抱歉。（突然唱起歌跳着出门）“我曾是个小木偶......小木偶......”

Joey

You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)

告诉你们，他死定了。嗨，钱德勒？（追出去。）

Monica

So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.

今天感觉如何？睡得还好吧？和巴瑞通过电话吗？我无法停止笑。

Rachel

I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.

我看得出来。你这样子像是昨晚口中含着衣架睡觉。

Monica

I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?

我知道，他是那么......还记得你和东尼戴马克？

Rachel

Oh, yeah.

记得。

Monica

Well, it's like that. With feelings.

就像那样。那样感觉。

Rachel

Oh wow. Are you in trouble.

你惹上麻烦了。

Monica

Big time!

大麻烦！

Rachel

Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.

需要婚纱吗？几乎没用过的。

Monica

I think we are getting a little ahead of ourselves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.

我想我们有点不知所以了。我要清醒，去工作。整天都不想他，或者只是清醒然后去工作。

Rachel

Oh, look, wish me luck!

祝我幸运！

Monica

What for?

为什么？

Rachel

I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.

我要去找工作。

(Monica exits.)

（莫妮卡离开。）

Frannie

Hey, Monica!

嗨，莫妮卡！

Monica

Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?

法兰妮，欢迎回来！佛罗里达如何？

Frannie

You had sex, didn't you?

你们上床了，对不？

Monica

How do you do that?

你怎么看出来的？

Frannie

Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?

哦，我恨你，我推着我的洛兹阿姨经过帕罗丛林，你却在做爱！和谁呀？

Monica

You know Paul?

认识保罗吗？

Frannie

Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.

保罗，那个调酒的？对，我认识保罗。

Monica

You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?

你认识保罗像我认识他一样？

Frannie

Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.

爱说笑，他还得谢我呢。遇到我之前他已有两年无法入道。

Monica

(realizing) Obviously he was lying!

（意识到）显然他是骗你的！

Frannie

Why? Why would anybody do something like that?

为什么？为什么会有人那样做？

Joey

(sitting on the arm of the couch) Of course it was a line!

（坐在沙发扶手上）当然是个骗局！

(Scene moves to Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.)

（场景转到中央咖啡馆，除了瑞秋大家都在。）

Monica

Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?

为什么？！为什么？为什么会有人那样做？

Ross

I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.

我想答案比“设法骗你上床”更复杂。

Monica

I hate men! I hate men!

我恨男人！我恨男人！

Phoebe

Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.

不，别恨，你也不想把他们丢出宇宙吧。

Monica

Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

问题出在我身上？难道我有特殊气味。只有狗和感情有严重问题的男人才闻得到。

Phoebe

All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)

过来，脚给我。（开始按摩。）

Monica

I just thought he was nice, y'know?

我以为他是个好男人。

Joey

(bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!

（又大笑）我无法相信你不懂这是骗局。

(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)

（莫妮卡把他推下沙发，瑞秋拿着购物袋进来。）

Rachel

Guess what?

猜猜看？

Ross

You got a job?

你找到工作了？

Rachel

Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.

开玩笑？我书都白念了！今天的十二个面试全泡汤了。

Chandler

And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.

不过你却异常兴奋。

Rachel

You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!

换成是你，你也会一样。如果你遇见John and David的皮靴打五折。

Chandler

Oh, how well you know me...

你真是太了解我了。

Rachel

They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!

这是我的新皮靴，我不需要工作，不需要父母，因为我有新皮靴！

Monica

How'd you pay for them?

你怎么付钱？

Rachel

Uh, credit card.

信用卡啊。

Monica

And who pays for that?

卡费谁付？

Rachel

Um... my... father.

我爸。

Rachel

Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.

天啊，好啦，有必要吗？我是说，我可以随时忍住挥霍的。

Monica

C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.

成熟点，你不能靠你爸一辈子。

Rachel

I know that. That's why I was getting married.

我知道，所以我选择结婚。

Phoebe

Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.

饶了她吧，第一次独立并不轻松。

Rachel

Thank you.

谢谢。

Phoebe

You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.

不客气。我记得我第一次来到纽约时的情况，当时我十四岁，我妈刚自杀，我继父再度入狱，我在这儿人生地不熟。最后我和患白化症的男人同居。他为港务局的人清洗车窗。后来他自杀了。然后我找到芳香按摩治疗的工作。所以请相信我你的心情我能体会。

(Pause)

（停顿）

Ross

The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...

你需要的是，“无论如何”......

Monica

All right, you ready?

好的，准备好了吗？

Rachel

No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out of the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!

不。不，不，我没准备好！我怎么会准备好呢？嗨，瑞秋！你准备好不用降落伞跳出飞机吗？不行，我不行！

Monica

You can, I know you can!

你能行的，我知道你能行！

Rachel

I don't think so.

我不觉得。

Ross

Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)

来吧，你会泡咖啡！你就什么都可以！（钱德勒慢慢试图藏起那盆被他们倒咖啡而死掉的植物。）

Ross

C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...

来，剪，剪，剪，剪......

All

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)

剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪......（她剪了一张，大家欢呼。）

Rachel

Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...

你们知道吗？我认为我们可以把它们留在那里。只做个象征性的姿势就可以了。

Monica

Rachel! That was a library card!

瑞秋！那是借书卡！

All

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..

剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪......

Chandler

(as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.

（瑞秋剪卡时）知道吗，如果你们仔细听，你们会听到上千的商家在尖叫。

(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)

（她剪完了，大家欢呼。）

Monica

Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!

欢迎来到现实的世界！糟透了，但你会喜欢的！

Monica

Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?

好，就到这。（对罗斯）你要睡在沙发上吗？

Ross

No. No, I gotta go home sometime.

不，我要回家。

Monica

You be okay?

你没事吧？

Ross

Yeah.

还好。

Rachel

Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?

嗨，莫，看我在地板上发现什么？（莫妮卡笑。）什么？

Monica

That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.

那是保罗的手表。放回原地就好了。好。晚安，各位。

Ross and Rachel

Goodnight.

晚安。

(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)

（莫妮卡踩碎保罗的手表，走进自己房间。）

Ross

Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-

嗯......（两人都去拿最后一块饼干）哦，不——

Rachel

Sorry-

对不起——

Ross

No no no, go-

不不不，你拿——

Rachel

No, you have it, really, I don't want it-

不，你吃吧，真的，我不想吃——

Ross

Split it?

分着吃？

Rachel

Okay.

好。

Ross

Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.

好。（他们分着吃。）你大概不知道我在高中时，肯定能迷死你。

Rachel

I knew.

我知道。

Ross

You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.

你知道？哦......我总想你认为我不过是莫妮卡的书呆子哥哥。

Rachel

I did.

没错。

Ross

Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?

哦。你是否认为如果抛开其他不好的因素，我能偶尔约你出去吗？有时？有可能？

Rachel

Yeah, maybe...

好，或许吧......

Ross

Okay... okay, maybe I will...

好，或许我会的......

Rachel

Goodnight.

晚安。

Ross

Goodnight.

晚安。

(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)

（瑞秋进房间，莫妮卡进客厅，罗斯正要离开。）

Monica

See ya.... Wait wait, what's with you?

回头见......等等，你怎么了？

Ross

I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)

我刚“抓住了勺子”！（罗斯离开，莫妮卡完全不懂什么意思。）

Joey

I can't believe what I'm hearing here.

我真不敢相信我的耳朵。

Phoebe

(sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...

（唱）我真不敢相信我的耳朵......

Monica

What? I-I said you had a-

什么？我说你有一个......

Phoebe

(sings) What I said you had...

（唱）我说你有一个......

Monica

(to Phoebe) Would you stop?

（对菲比）你有完没完？

Phoebe

Oh, was I doing it again?

我的老毛病又犯了？

All

Yes!

没错！

Monica

I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.

我是说你有一个不错的屁股，但不是个了不起的屁股。

Joey

Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.

它又没跳起来咬过你，你怎么知道不是了不起。

Ross

There's an image.

只是想象。

Rachel

(walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?

（拿着咖啡壶走来）谁要喝咖啡？

Chandler

Did you make it, or are you just serving it?

你煮的还只是端过来而已？

Rachel

I'm just serving it.

端来而已。

All

Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.

好，好，给我来杯咖啡。

Chandler

Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)

孩子们，新梦......我在拉斯维加斯。（瑞秋坐下听钱德勒的梦。）

Customer

(To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?

（对瑞秋）嗨，小姐？加点咖啡？

Rachel

Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.

呃。（对另一位要离开的顾客）劳驾，请递给那个人？（把咖啡壶给他）去啊。（他照做）谢谢。（对大家）对不起。好，拉斯维加斯。

Chandler

Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-

好，我在拉斯维加斯......我是丽莎明妮莉......